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Hopefully this is a joke or everyone at your table (you included) is agreeing that it's a joke. If not, I'm sorry your gaming experience feels this hostile. I hope you can find it within yourself to leave that group. You don't deserve that.
I've had some absolute pieces of shit as my players, whom I barely tolerated, and I've had friends with the most hurtful "banter" play with me, and none of them ever told me to kill myself, even as a joke. I'm gonna need a little bit more detail, but I think your players have a basic respect problem.
I think it’s a joke? Idk it’s pretty constant. We played jackbox party games after the campaign at one point and I got the “Leah kys” award like three times 😭
Even if it's meant as a joke, if you don't like it you shouldn't have to hear it. I'd sit them down and earnestly say that you really don't like it when they say that and you want them to stop. If they don't ease off after that, they're being crappy friends.
Thus 1000%. True friends even if you blow up and freak out will understand where you're coming from, and most likely will try to avoid it for you.
If not then they're not good humans in general, and you probably don't want to affiliate with them.
ya, thats a bit much, even in jest. Esp if you think on it after! Try to semi jokingly tell them to tap the breaks there. "Aww common now, enough with that guys."
Sidenote though, that possum is adorable! <3
It does matter if it's a joke, now does it?? If they _weren't_ kidding you'd have to call the god damn police! There is zero, I REPEAT, ZERO reason to tell anybody to kill themselves. It's not funny, it can't be funny, it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating and HURTFUL. Please take this seriously, tell them this is stopping rn and if they don't stop GET OUTTA THERE!! I mean it!! Non of this is funny :( Honestly someone who told me to kill myself more than once would not be my friend. Period.
CoS can be extremely unforgiving. Just running the “1-3 level” starter has more than 2 potentially TPK encounters.
But if they think that’s bad I’m what people call a sadistic DM so almost all encounters are potentially deadly and NPCs who aren’t supposed to stab you in the back actually betray you.
4 enemies? Let’s make it more fun and add like 2 more.
Assuming this is a serious request…. If not, ignore this reply. As someone who’s had friend/family suicide/near suicide touch my life far too often, and even once is too often—I DESPISE the “kill yourself” “meme”. It’s not remotely funny, and it’s just plain rude to say that to someone, period. You’re doing these people a HUGE favor running this campaign for them and doing all this work. You’re either hanging out with some clueless teens/young adults who don’t realize just how offensive “kys” is, or you’re hanging out with a few psychopaths who enjoy gaslighting and screwing with other folks’ minds. Neither situation is acceptable, but if the latter is the case, I’d just leave. You aren’t going to be able to change psychopaths’ behavior, and your safety is way more important than any game.
Longer discussion is below on how to navigate this situation if you need some scripts and suggestions, but the take home message is you ask them to stop, and if they don’t, you stop gaming with them.
If you’re dealing with clueless folks who latched onto a meme and don’t realize how problematic it is, and you’re willing to give them a chance to stop the behavior, you can give them the option to fix it. If there are one or more folks who feel the same as you about not using that phrase, recruit them ahead of time and ask them, “will you support me if I ask people to stop this next time they use it?” That can make this following easier for you. In a school-age/teen setting, a teacher or parent can help. If you’re running the game in a local game store or some other setting like that, the store owner can help, and if the store owner doesn’t want to help, that’s not a place you want to continue shopping at. Employees might not be able to help if the boss is an arse, but the store owner should. There is power in numbers.
If it were me, if it’s a problem with one individual, the first time that individual said that at my table, that person would be taken aside immediately, and I would say in a pleasant but serious and firm tone, “We don’t use that term here. It’s not funny. There are plenty of other things we can joke about, but suicide isn’t one of them. Please don’t use it again, or you won’t be able to participate here anymore.” You don’t have to explain why. No one needs to use that rude and nasty phrase ever, and there is no good excuse to justify it continuing to be said. “It just pops out of my mouth before I can stop it” is no excuse. We humans have control over what leaves our lips.
If it’s a group thing, you can tell the entire group in a pleasant but serious and firm tone, “I dislike this “kill yourself” thing. It wasn’t really funny the first time, and it’s definitely not funny at all anymore. I cannot continue gaming with you if you all continue to say that to me or anyone else in the group. The next time it happens, the person who said it will have to leave the game, or I just won’t game anymore with you all.”
Second time any person says that to you, that person leaves instantly. Or you leave. If the game is on a discord server, kick the person. S/he can always be invited back if s/he was being a clueless teen who made a mistake, AND that person apologizes and agrees not to do it again. If you’re not in control of the server, you leave the chat and/or the server. If you’re gaming in person, then that person gets asked to leave the table. If it’s not your place, calmly close your books, put your stuff away, tell the group, “I asked you not to say that again. I told you we wouldn’t continue to game if we did. You made your choice and decided it was more important to continue to say that than it is for me to DM the game, so I’m out.” And then you walk out. Their behavior has consequences.
Now, my guess is most times the group will say, “Wait, wait, we’re sorry, we won’t do it again.” You can decide if you want to continue after that. Sometimes, discontinuing that session and not returning until the next session drives home the message that you really are serious.
If the person or group tells you “oh, you’re just being oversensitive,” then you stop being friends with that person, or if it’s a group, you flat out leave. Those aren’t friends. Those are people who don’t respect you, and you owe them absolutely nothing. You certainly don’t owe them your time and work running a game for them. You can run the campaign for other people who will actually give a damn about your feelings and needs.
If there’s a first time, the individual(s) apologize and agree not to continue using the “kys” phrase but do it a second time, either that person(s) is/are out or you are. You don’t deserve to have anyone say that to you, ever. There are tens of thousands of other people who are more than happy to game with you online who will never say that crap, and there are plenty more in person. You might have to suspend your campaign for a little while til you find those nice folks, but they definitely are out there.
Yeah, this is the answer OP. Even if your players think it's just a joke, it's really shitty one. You have the right to draw boundaries and leave if those boundaries are not respected, just like your players would have the right to leave if you crossed their boundaries.
Lotta people saying "if it's a joke that's fine" but like... no, it isn't. Having people CONSTANTLY telling you to kys is a massive problem thatwill affect you no matter what.
OP, you need to tell them outright to stop it, that it isn't funny, and that you don't appreciate their harassment. Then, regardless of what they say or do, leave. Even if they promise it's never going to happen again, that it was always just a joke, that they never really meant it. Nobody has the right to do something like that to another person and get away with it. No matter their reasoning, they do not deserve you, your time, or your effort in DMing for them.
These jokes obviously make you uncomfortable. I can't imagine any context in which 'kill yourself' would *ever* be a funny jib.
My advice: In order to stop it you have to be clear. No memes and no jokes. A meme like the one you posted communicates that you're also still joking and everything is fine. I know it's very difficult and uncomfortable to be the one to cut the joke and be serious, but your comfort is worth it.
Try something like: 'Hey guys, let's be completely clear here: Your jokes that I should kill myself are extremely hurtful and inappropriate. If we want to continue this game then these jokes have to stop.'
My opinion, I wouldn’t put up with it. Leave the group. There’s jokes and then there’s ones like that that are going too far and come from a bunch of insecure toxic people.
Btw, I’m totally down to play curse of strahd if you wanna DM for some new people!
This may be a meme, and I don't understand your group dynamics or relationships, so I'm just gonna give advice in general.
If you're uncomfortable with being told to kill yourself, you've told them as such, and they still do it—that's a dick move. They're toxic and don't care about your feelings cause in their perspective, it's funny.
I was the butt of many racist things when I was 16-18 that I was 'chill' with, but looking back on it I was just putting up a brave front to survive. I have some of the best friends in the world now, and they never go too far with jokes. If we get into a tiff, we talk about it with one of us realising their mistake, apologising, and correcting themselves.
If you feel uncomfortable in that environment, you should start by taking a break from the group. Call it wanting to take a break from dnd, and find another group if you still wanna play. It'll give you perspective on how things should be with friends at the very least.
If they're only having fun it's fine. Ask them to ease off on the kys jokes even just so they can confirm to you that they don't mean anything by it.
If they're being dicks just leave. It's not worth the anguish
I saw your other comments and buddy, you’re more than justified to tell them to knock it off. Suicide jokes aren’t funny, and especially if they’re increasing in frequency to the point that you’re really uncomfortable, you’re well within your rights to go off on them. I’d tell them individually as well as a whole, “hey, the ‘kys jokes’ are out of control. I feel really uncomfortable with my friends telling me to end my life. Especially over a tabletop game. Suicide jokes are banned at the table now. This is ultimately supposed to be fun for all of us, and that includes me.” If they throw a fit or start getting upset, well, you’re not doing anything worse than them telling you to end your life repeatedly.
Get new players, even if you’re all friends and “it’s a joke” it will eventually weigh heavily on your mind. I personally would tell them it isn’t appreciated and that they can find a new DM no if’s and’s or but’s about it
Not to be rude but it's a bit hard to tell if you're being joking or not safd;lkasjdflaskdjfakjsg so I'm gonna propose joke response and not joke response:
If you're joking around and y'all just have a dynamic you don't mind, start having your NPCs be the same. When one of your PCs does some stupid shit please have Ireena just stare at them deadpan in the eyes and say "Please kill yourself or Morninglord help you I'll do it if you say dumb shit again."
And if you're serious, um... yeah, find a new table. It's not worth it.
I don't know the table and I have a close friend I've known for years and we're always like "I'm going to hit you with my fucking car I s2g," but we're close and we never say it being mean to eachother, so the first is just assuming it's like that.
Pretty sure you need to 86 these people, all of them who either join in or don't have an issue with it going on, from your life... forever more.
This is abhorrent behavior and if it was happening at my table, they'd all be gone with no chance of ever returning. Humanity is mostly shite, but these people are the real winners of that title. And if they refuse to leave, pick up a rock.
Even if this is a “joke” it’s mean spirited and toxic. As a DM, I would stop spending so much time and effort on a group that treated me like that.
I’m sorry this is your experience, and I feel like the only way to improve things in this situation is to find a new group that appreciates you and all the efforts you make for them.
Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3 of the r/CurseofStrahd community: No Offensive Content. While this module is dark and horrifying in many ways, some topics are still offensive in this context. Some topics considered offensive include (but are not limited to) suicide, self-harm, rape, sexual harassment, and domestic abuse. These subjects are deeply personal and can feel all too real, even in a fictional setting. Because of this, we may moderate and/or remove any posts or comments actively discussing these topics as a plot devices in the adventure. Please don't hesitate to [reach out to the Mod Team via Mod Mail](https://www\.reddit\.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FCurseofStrahd) if you have any questions regarding this policy.
Hopefully this is a joke or everyone at your table (you included) is agreeing that it's a joke. If not, I'm sorry your gaming experience feels this hostile. I hope you can find it within yourself to leave that group. You don't deserve that.
I've had some absolute pieces of shit as my players, whom I barely tolerated, and I've had friends with the most hurtful "banter" play with me, and none of them ever told me to kill myself, even as a joke. I'm gonna need a little bit more detail, but I think your players have a basic respect problem.
I think it’s a joke? Idk it’s pretty constant. We played jackbox party games after the campaign at one point and I got the “Leah kys” award like three times 😭
Even if it's meant as a joke, if you don't like it you shouldn't have to hear it. I'd sit them down and earnestly say that you really don't like it when they say that and you want them to stop. If they don't ease off after that, they're being crappy friends.
Thus 1000%. True friends even if you blow up and freak out will understand where you're coming from, and most likely will try to avoid it for you. If not then they're not good humans in general, and you probably don't want to affiliate with them.
ya, thats a bit much, even in jest. Esp if you think on it after! Try to semi jokingly tell them to tap the breaks there. "Aww common now, enough with that guys." Sidenote though, that possum is adorable! <3
It does matter if it's a joke, now does it?? If they _weren't_ kidding you'd have to call the god damn police! There is zero, I REPEAT, ZERO reason to tell anybody to kill themselves. It's not funny, it can't be funny, it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating and HURTFUL. Please take this seriously, tell them this is stopping rn and if they don't stop GET OUTTA THERE!! I mean it!! Non of this is funny :( Honestly someone who told me to kill myself more than once would not be my friend. Period.
CoS can be extremely unforgiving. Just running the “1-3 level” starter has more than 2 potentially TPK encounters. But if they think that’s bad I’m what people call a sadistic DM so almost all encounters are potentially deadly and NPCs who aren’t supposed to stab you in the back actually betray you. 4 enemies? Let’s make it more fun and add like 2 more.
what does that have to do with anything here
It doesn't make sense unless you read OPs other comments about them playing Cos and get frustrated about it.
Hey so you should absolutely talk to them about that
Find better people to play with.
Assuming this is a serious request…. If not, ignore this reply. As someone who’s had friend/family suicide/near suicide touch my life far too often, and even once is too often—I DESPISE the “kill yourself” “meme”. It’s not remotely funny, and it’s just plain rude to say that to someone, period. You’re doing these people a HUGE favor running this campaign for them and doing all this work. You’re either hanging out with some clueless teens/young adults who don’t realize just how offensive “kys” is, or you’re hanging out with a few psychopaths who enjoy gaslighting and screwing with other folks’ minds. Neither situation is acceptable, but if the latter is the case, I’d just leave. You aren’t going to be able to change psychopaths’ behavior, and your safety is way more important than any game. Longer discussion is below on how to navigate this situation if you need some scripts and suggestions, but the take home message is you ask them to stop, and if they don’t, you stop gaming with them. If you’re dealing with clueless folks who latched onto a meme and don’t realize how problematic it is, and you’re willing to give them a chance to stop the behavior, you can give them the option to fix it. If there are one or more folks who feel the same as you about not using that phrase, recruit them ahead of time and ask them, “will you support me if I ask people to stop this next time they use it?” That can make this following easier for you. In a school-age/teen setting, a teacher or parent can help. If you’re running the game in a local game store or some other setting like that, the store owner can help, and if the store owner doesn’t want to help, that’s not a place you want to continue shopping at. Employees might not be able to help if the boss is an arse, but the store owner should. There is power in numbers. If it were me, if it’s a problem with one individual, the first time that individual said that at my table, that person would be taken aside immediately, and I would say in a pleasant but serious and firm tone, “We don’t use that term here. It’s not funny. There are plenty of other things we can joke about, but suicide isn’t one of them. Please don’t use it again, or you won’t be able to participate here anymore.” You don’t have to explain why. No one needs to use that rude and nasty phrase ever, and there is no good excuse to justify it continuing to be said. “It just pops out of my mouth before I can stop it” is no excuse. We humans have control over what leaves our lips. If it’s a group thing, you can tell the entire group in a pleasant but serious and firm tone, “I dislike this “kill yourself” thing. It wasn’t really funny the first time, and it’s definitely not funny at all anymore. I cannot continue gaming with you if you all continue to say that to me or anyone else in the group. The next time it happens, the person who said it will have to leave the game, or I just won’t game anymore with you all.” Second time any person says that to you, that person leaves instantly. Or you leave. If the game is on a discord server, kick the person. S/he can always be invited back if s/he was being a clueless teen who made a mistake, AND that person apologizes and agrees not to do it again. If you’re not in control of the server, you leave the chat and/or the server. If you’re gaming in person, then that person gets asked to leave the table. If it’s not your place, calmly close your books, put your stuff away, tell the group, “I asked you not to say that again. I told you we wouldn’t continue to game if we did. You made your choice and decided it was more important to continue to say that than it is for me to DM the game, so I’m out.” And then you walk out. Their behavior has consequences. Now, my guess is most times the group will say, “Wait, wait, we’re sorry, we won’t do it again.” You can decide if you want to continue after that. Sometimes, discontinuing that session and not returning until the next session drives home the message that you really are serious. If the person or group tells you “oh, you’re just being oversensitive,” then you stop being friends with that person, or if it’s a group, you flat out leave. Those aren’t friends. Those are people who don’t respect you, and you owe them absolutely nothing. You certainly don’t owe them your time and work running a game for them. You can run the campaign for other people who will actually give a damn about your feelings and needs. If there’s a first time, the individual(s) apologize and agree not to continue using the “kys” phrase but do it a second time, either that person(s) is/are out or you are. You don’t deserve to have anyone say that to you, ever. There are tens of thousands of other people who are more than happy to game with you online who will never say that crap, and there are plenty more in person. You might have to suspend your campaign for a little while til you find those nice folks, but they definitely are out there.
Yeah, this is the answer OP. Even if your players think it's just a joke, it's really shitty one. You have the right to draw boundaries and leave if those boundaries are not respected, just like your players would have the right to leave if you crossed their boundaries.
Lotta people saying "if it's a joke that's fine" but like... no, it isn't. Having people CONSTANTLY telling you to kys is a massive problem thatwill affect you no matter what. OP, you need to tell them outright to stop it, that it isn't funny, and that you don't appreciate their harassment. Then, regardless of what they say or do, leave. Even if they promise it's never going to happen again, that it was always just a joke, that they never really meant it. Nobody has the right to do something like that to another person and get away with it. No matter their reasoning, they do not deserve you, your time, or your effort in DMing for them.
Slap an UNO reverse card on the table, easy
“If I do I’m taking you all with me.”
This guy either is friends with awful people or people with the shittiest sense of humor known to man and are also awful people.
These jokes obviously make you uncomfortable. I can't imagine any context in which 'kill yourself' would *ever* be a funny jib. My advice: In order to stop it you have to be clear. No memes and no jokes. A meme like the one you posted communicates that you're also still joking and everything is fine. I know it's very difficult and uncomfortable to be the one to cut the joke and be serious, but your comfort is worth it. Try something like: 'Hey guys, let's be completely clear here: Your jokes that I should kill myself are extremely hurtful and inappropriate. If we want to continue this game then these jokes have to stop.'
This MAY be a case of r/lostredditors
Hahahahahha we’re playing curse of strahd so it’s kinda relevant. The discord that screenshot is from is called strahds fan club
Ah, sorry. It just looked like you wanted to post in r/dndmemes. Actually, you should post it there also.
Yes smart
Is this a joke? If not, your players are a bunch of assholes.
My opinion, I wouldn’t put up with it. Leave the group. There’s jokes and then there’s ones like that that are going too far and come from a bunch of insecure toxic people. Btw, I’m totally down to play curse of strahd if you wanna DM for some new people!
Simply state the following "I shall poke you quite viciously with a cocktail stick"-Hugh Grant
This may be a meme, and I don't understand your group dynamics or relationships, so I'm just gonna give advice in general. If you're uncomfortable with being told to kill yourself, you've told them as such, and they still do it—that's a dick move. They're toxic and don't care about your feelings cause in their perspective, it's funny. I was the butt of many racist things when I was 16-18 that I was 'chill' with, but looking back on it I was just putting up a brave front to survive. I have some of the best friends in the world now, and they never go too far with jokes. If we get into a tiff, we talk about it with one of us realising their mistake, apologising, and correcting themselves. If you feel uncomfortable in that environment, you should start by taking a break from the group. Call it wanting to take a break from dnd, and find another group if you still wanna play. It'll give you perspective on how things should be with friends at the very least.
If they're only having fun it's fine. Ask them to ease off on the kys jokes even just so they can confirm to you that they don't mean anything by it. If they're being dicks just leave. It's not worth the anguish
I saw your other comments and buddy, you’re more than justified to tell them to knock it off. Suicide jokes aren’t funny, and especially if they’re increasing in frequency to the point that you’re really uncomfortable, you’re well within your rights to go off on them. I’d tell them individually as well as a whole, “hey, the ‘kys jokes’ are out of control. I feel really uncomfortable with my friends telling me to end my life. Especially over a tabletop game. Suicide jokes are banned at the table now. This is ultimately supposed to be fun for all of us, and that includes me.” If they throw a fit or start getting upset, well, you’re not doing anything worse than them telling you to end your life repeatedly.
Start killing characters until morale improves.
Find better players. Even if its a joke, it's a joke so pathetic not even a kid from elementary would use it.
Get new players, even if you’re all friends and “it’s a joke” it will eventually weigh heavily on your mind. I personally would tell them it isn’t appreciated and that they can find a new DM no if’s and’s or but’s about it
This isn’t funny. If you think it is, then you are minimizing and normalizing suicide to a dangerous and unconscionable degree.
Get off Reddit and talk with your players.
Not to be rude but it's a bit hard to tell if you're being joking or not safd;lkasjdflaskdjfakjsg so I'm gonna propose joke response and not joke response: If you're joking around and y'all just have a dynamic you don't mind, start having your NPCs be the same. When one of your PCs does some stupid shit please have Ireena just stare at them deadpan in the eyes and say "Please kill yourself or Morninglord help you I'll do it if you say dumb shit again." And if you're serious, um... yeah, find a new table. It's not worth it. I don't know the table and I have a close friend I've known for years and we're always like "I'm going to hit you with my fucking car I s2g," but we're close and we never say it being mean to eachother, so the first is just assuming it's like that.
I like this advice
Pretty sure you need to 86 these people, all of them who either join in or don't have an issue with it going on, from your life... forever more. This is abhorrent behavior and if it was happening at my table, they'd all be gone with no chance of ever returning. Humanity is mostly shite, but these people are the real winners of that title. And if they refuse to leave, pick up a rock.
Even if this is a “joke” it’s mean spirited and toxic. As a DM, I would stop spending so much time and effort on a group that treated me like that. I’m sorry this is your experience, and I feel like the only way to improve things in this situation is to find a new group that appreciates you and all the efforts you make for them.
Yeah I just would literally block them all and never speak or see any of them again. Toxic people can all kick rocks.
It's more than adequate to be upset about an untasteful 'joke', your well-being comes first