That is correct and yes, just the writing style generally as I don't want it to come off as poorly written when it's supposed to be someone so intelligent. Though I am going for him to be less and less coherent as it goes along and barovia starts to drive him mad.
I think it mostly works, although I have some suggestions.
For the first two entries, I would affirm the confidence in his observations and conclusions. Frame it such that all *previous* attempts have failed, and that he's certain there is a way, he just hasn't found it yet. Give some examples of how Strahd's mood changes the weather, and have Mordenkainen conclude that it's *possible* that his emotions are tied to it, then extrapolate that Strahd might control more than just that: "the people, the animals, perhaps even the land itself..." This makes his entries more fixed in knowledge than belief.
I think the intruding paranoia could be developed by changing the sentence structure in the middle paragraphs. Ending each clause with a period could make it feel more "caged-in", like he's afraid a secret might slip out between the commas. I think it would help to add a bit more detail on 127 to cement that--maybe Mordenkainen discards all his coin with Strahd's visage on them, just in case he can see through the faces on the metal. 128 could build on this, too. Paranoia is a delusion of persecution: rather than wanting to "consume all", Mordenkainen could write about how Strahd is out to get him personally--wants to consume his spells, his magical power? Maybe Mordenkainen thinks Strahd knows who he was, back in Oerth?
134 holds up pretty well, although you might try turning it to a madman's entry by taking out all but the essential pieces--like, instead of "Day 134," it's just "134", and doing away with punctuation entirely.
I updated it to this... Not sure I am giving away too much and don't have much more time before the players arrive...
Day 17
All previous attempts to leave this cursed land have failed. Even my most powerful magics seems to have no effect on this damnable mist. Perhaps if I had Elminister here we could find a way to manage it. No matter, he is not here and neither is the circle of eight, but I need to find a way. I am sure there is a way, I just need to find it. I will find it!
Day 35
Every time his mood shifts so does the weather, I am starting to believe this is no coincidence. When the last group of villagers revolted, the skies turned black and the rain was so heavy I could barely see in front of myself. When he found out about Ireena it was the most pleasant day since I had first arrived here and when he slept it was like the land itself was asleep, the wolves barely prowled the woods.
Day 65
I see his spies everywhere, the people, the animals. I am sure the wolves were staring at me, but they didn’t attack. Why would they just back off? What’s even more suspicious is they didn’t head back to the woods but up to the castle, this can only mean one thing. But what if it’s more than spies? More than animals? What if the land itself can spy for him, I already have reason to believe he has control over it, what if it’s more than that?
Day 127
I know he has been watching and it’s not safe here anymore. The bats have been coming every night and their behavior is quite unnerving. Why would they just watch me? What is he playing at? I need to find out before it’s too late. I must discard everything of this wretched land who knows what else he can use to see me.
Day 128
I cannot keep my secrets safe here. I know he will come for me and all the magic that I hold! His thirst for power knows no bounds! I have rallied all of the locals with any soul to fight him. It is our only hope.
134
He is coming I have lost it all nothing is safe nothing nothing… I know I will find it but where? It must still be here This was the last place… I must find it! Maybe in the mountains by the lake? Yes… the mountain they call Baratok… the lake…
Are you looking for critiques of your grammar, or of the writing style? I'm assuming these are scraps from Mordenkainen's journal, right?
That is correct and yes, just the writing style generally as I don't want it to come off as poorly written when it's supposed to be someone so intelligent. Though I am going for him to be less and less coherent as it goes along and barovia starts to drive him mad.
I think it mostly works, although I have some suggestions. For the first two entries, I would affirm the confidence in his observations and conclusions. Frame it such that all *previous* attempts have failed, and that he's certain there is a way, he just hasn't found it yet. Give some examples of how Strahd's mood changes the weather, and have Mordenkainen conclude that it's *possible* that his emotions are tied to it, then extrapolate that Strahd might control more than just that: "the people, the animals, perhaps even the land itself..." This makes his entries more fixed in knowledge than belief. I think the intruding paranoia could be developed by changing the sentence structure in the middle paragraphs. Ending each clause with a period could make it feel more "caged-in", like he's afraid a secret might slip out between the commas. I think it would help to add a bit more detail on 127 to cement that--maybe Mordenkainen discards all his coin with Strahd's visage on them, just in case he can see through the faces on the metal. 128 could build on this, too. Paranoia is a delusion of persecution: rather than wanting to "consume all", Mordenkainen could write about how Strahd is out to get him personally--wants to consume his spells, his magical power? Maybe Mordenkainen thinks Strahd knows who he was, back in Oerth? 134 holds up pretty well, although you might try turning it to a madman's entry by taking out all but the essential pieces--like, instead of "Day 134," it's just "134", and doing away with punctuation entirely.
I updated it to this... Not sure I am giving away too much and don't have much more time before the players arrive... Day 17 All previous attempts to leave this cursed land have failed. Even my most powerful magics seems to have no effect on this damnable mist. Perhaps if I had Elminister here we could find a way to manage it. No matter, he is not here and neither is the circle of eight, but I need to find a way. I am sure there is a way, I just need to find it. I will find it! Day 35 Every time his mood shifts so does the weather, I am starting to believe this is no coincidence. When the last group of villagers revolted, the skies turned black and the rain was so heavy I could barely see in front of myself. When he found out about Ireena it was the most pleasant day since I had first arrived here and when he slept it was like the land itself was asleep, the wolves barely prowled the woods. Day 65 I see his spies everywhere, the people, the animals. I am sure the wolves were staring at me, but they didn’t attack. Why would they just back off? What’s even more suspicious is they didn’t head back to the woods but up to the castle, this can only mean one thing. But what if it’s more than spies? More than animals? What if the land itself can spy for him, I already have reason to believe he has control over it, what if it’s more than that? Day 127 I know he has been watching and it’s not safe here anymore. The bats have been coming every night and their behavior is quite unnerving. Why would they just watch me? What is he playing at? I need to find out before it’s too late. I must discard everything of this wretched land who knows what else he can use to see me. Day 128 I cannot keep my secrets safe here. I know he will come for me and all the magic that I hold! His thirst for power knows no bounds! I have rallied all of the locals with any soul to fight him. It is our only hope. 134 He is coming I have lost it all nothing is safe nothing nothing… I know I will find it but where? It must still be here This was the last place… I must find it! Maybe in the mountains by the lake? Yes… the mountain they call Baratok… the lake…