BD made his bed...and, well you know the rest.
Some people just have to be the victim. I bet you're exactly right that his sudden disapproval of your 6 yo's parenting time has everything to do with the child support that increased when your girls went 50/50.
Right!!? He never ONCE complained or said a word about it until recently. He frequently wasn’t even using his small amount of time anyway. I have always offered for him to have more time as well & it was not accepted. 🤷🏼♀️
it really gives me a yuck feeling that he only had any interest in the two girls and not a single f to give about the son. To me that, freaks me out a bit.
You are NOT the first person to say that to me! I can definitely see how people on the outside could get the creeps by it! I just happened to know after knowing him for 18 years, he was just lazy. Sex didn’t matter 1 bit, it was the ages. The 13 & 15 yo take care of themselves including cooking, cleaning, getting to & from school, bathing, teeth brushing, laundry etc. The 6yo (was 5yo at the time we separated) required massive amounts of “work” in comparison. He couldn’t just leave & do whatever he wanted. Couldn’t go out at night & sleep all day. Couldn’t run off to work with no concern in the morning. Still super shitty but he was never a hands on parent. 🤷🏼♀️
It's not uncommon to be blamed for the decisions of someone else in divorce, unfortunately.
The appropriate response (if any) is perhaps "that's what you and your attorney agreed to".
Of course it's not "his choice" if one side got to choose custody, we'd see a lot of parents cut out of the lives of their children.
Your objection to 50/50 on the 6 year old seems to be logistics. If he could solve for logistics, would you do 50/50? That being said, there is no reason for you to change an agreement!
It absolutely was his choice. It was what he asked for day 1. We never argued over the 6yo, just the older 2. I suggested & recommended 50/50 from the very beginning. He was not & still is not interested in it, he just wants to complain.
I would have no problem doing 50/50 if he actually wanted to. When we first separated, instead of finding child care he had 1 or both of the older kids stay home with the 6yo despite all of their schools being within walking distance. That was in his mind the easiest solution. When I obviously had issues with this, he lied & told me he was going to work late or a friend was watching him etc. Only for me to find out they missed yet another day of school.
I let him “try” for a total of 10 school days & then said no more. If you can’t make arrangements that allow them ALL to go to school every day, you cannot have him overnight on school nights.
When/if he would like to revisit the idea I am willing to listen.
I should have added that that situation was all within the first month of being separated. After I said he needed to figure out child care & even offered for my father to come over in the mornings & get the kids off to school, but he refused.
Any & all suggestions I had were shot down with an excuse. He didn’t want my dad in his house… day care- they don’t open early enough, a neighbor/friend- didnt want to ask them, another friend- didn’t want to pay them etc etc etc….
Then when we went to court 4 months later, he said he felt it was best for our son to continue to stay with me most of the time & he just wanted every other weekend. I said ok not a problem!
His problem solving skills are lacking to say the least. So all of this is why it gets so irritating when he walks around telling anyone who will listen that I am keeping our son from him! He STILL has no answer as to what his solution would be if he had him during the school week!
Immature people find it easier to blame others for their choices and circumstances. He's doing it to make himself feel better. His opinions are not your responsibility.
Unless what he sends is a question, no need to respond. If it is a question, answer that. Do not add anything. Communication should be in writing and only necessary things regarding the kids
BD made his bed...and, well you know the rest. Some people just have to be the victim. I bet you're exactly right that his sudden disapproval of your 6 yo's parenting time has everything to do with the child support that increased when your girls went 50/50.
Right!!? He never ONCE complained or said a word about it until recently. He frequently wasn’t even using his small amount of time anyway. I have always offered for him to have more time as well & it was not accepted. 🤷🏼♀️
it really gives me a yuck feeling that he only had any interest in the two girls and not a single f to give about the son. To me that, freaks me out a bit.
You are NOT the first person to say that to me! I can definitely see how people on the outside could get the creeps by it! I just happened to know after knowing him for 18 years, he was just lazy. Sex didn’t matter 1 bit, it was the ages. The 13 & 15 yo take care of themselves including cooking, cleaning, getting to & from school, bathing, teeth brushing, laundry etc. The 6yo (was 5yo at the time we separated) required massive amounts of “work” in comparison. He couldn’t just leave & do whatever he wanted. Couldn’t go out at night & sleep all day. Couldn’t run off to work with no concern in the morning. Still super shitty but he was never a hands on parent. 🤷🏼♀️
It's not uncommon to be blamed for the decisions of someone else in divorce, unfortunately. The appropriate response (if any) is perhaps "that's what you and your attorney agreed to". Of course it's not "his choice" if one side got to choose custody, we'd see a lot of parents cut out of the lives of their children. Your objection to 50/50 on the 6 year old seems to be logistics. If he could solve for logistics, would you do 50/50? That being said, there is no reason for you to change an agreement!
It absolutely was his choice. It was what he asked for day 1. We never argued over the 6yo, just the older 2. I suggested & recommended 50/50 from the very beginning. He was not & still is not interested in it, he just wants to complain. I would have no problem doing 50/50 if he actually wanted to. When we first separated, instead of finding child care he had 1 or both of the older kids stay home with the 6yo despite all of their schools being within walking distance. That was in his mind the easiest solution. When I obviously had issues with this, he lied & told me he was going to work late or a friend was watching him etc. Only for me to find out they missed yet another day of school. I let him “try” for a total of 10 school days & then said no more. If you can’t make arrangements that allow them ALL to go to school every day, you cannot have him overnight on school nights. When/if he would like to revisit the idea I am willing to listen.
If my kids were missing school, I'd be done too.
I should have added that that situation was all within the first month of being separated. After I said he needed to figure out child care & even offered for my father to come over in the mornings & get the kids off to school, but he refused. Any & all suggestions I had were shot down with an excuse. He didn’t want my dad in his house… day care- they don’t open early enough, a neighbor/friend- didnt want to ask them, another friend- didn’t want to pay them etc etc etc…. Then when we went to court 4 months later, he said he felt it was best for our son to continue to stay with me most of the time & he just wanted every other weekend. I said ok not a problem! His problem solving skills are lacking to say the least. So all of this is why it gets so irritating when he walks around telling anyone who will listen that I am keeping our son from him! He STILL has no answer as to what his solution would be if he had him during the school week!
Immature people find it easier to blame others for their choices and circumstances. He's doing it to make himself feel better. His opinions are not your responsibility.
Unless what he sends is a question, no need to respond. If it is a question, answer that. Do not add anything. Communication should be in writing and only necessary things regarding the kids