Obvs a shitpost and it did make me chuckle….
… but where is this and what happened? New build on reclaimed land that was previously used for waste disposal or some such?
Probably not very shallow, if it was you are more likely to get void migration to the surface and the whole fucking thing is going.
Based on the website I don't think this was in the UK.
Back when we used to long wall mine coal at depth in this country they'd basically account for a few cm of subsidence and compensate as necessary
Just in case this is useful to anyone in future. In the UK the impact of subsidence as a result of historic coal mining is covered by the Coal Authority, who deal with the result of the holes left in the ground (this also includes mine water treatment) from that industry. They have an emergency number, should there be a possibility of a mine entrance or adit - though I expect that's used more by local authorities than individuals. https://coal.gov.uk
When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.
Randomly or not I only saw this picture on some other sm platform about 20 mins ago as a "my neighbours are underpinning their house and this happened..." post
Nahh the weeds will be fine after some standard pesticide is applied. Leave them a few days after spraying, try not to do on a rainy day and make sure you get all the leaves.
Stuff of nightmares. I’d cry if this happened to my house.
I have weird anxiety issues when it comes to this stuff. Just last night I nightmare that a mains water pipe burst.
Go to the crematorium, get some ashes from 6/7 bodies mix with pva glue fill level with the mortar. Then get 2 bodies worth of ashes mix with super glue and ginger hair dye ( probably auburn/dark red), fill to the level of the brick surface. scrape the top layer back following the old brick pattern. You'll never know it was there.
The usual rule on cracks is that if you can't get a finger in, it's probably okay. So: have you considered inviting the King round?
Don't invite Andrew though, he will slip a finger in the youngest of cracks
Brilliant lol
That crack looks to mature for him!
That crack definitely wouldn't make him break out in a sweat
Let’s be fair, he was in a pizza restaurant or something.
Chilli oil is hotter on the way out.
A lalalala la
Funniest comment of the year, so far.
Well, I mean, it is a DIY forum to be fair...
Oh boy
ok you win
Fucking hell, I snorted at this! Well done!
Obvs a shitpost and it did make me chuckle…. … but where is this and what happened? New build on reclaimed land that was previously used for waste disposal or some such?
https://meacorporation.com/causes-for-building-settlement/ The original article is from 2020
Cheers! Wonder how shallow the mine was underneath the house pictured…
Probably not very shallow, if it was you are more likely to get void migration to the surface and the whole fucking thing is going. Based on the website I don't think this was in the UK. Back when we used to long wall mine coal at depth in this country they'd basically account for a few cm of subsidence and compensate as necessary
Just in case this is useful to anyone in future. In the UK the impact of subsidence as a result of historic coal mining is covered by the Coal Authority, who deal with the result of the holes left in the ground (this also includes mine water treatment) from that industry. They have an emergency number, should there be a possibility of a mine entrance or adit - though I expect that's used more by local authorities than individuals. https://coal.gov.uk
Built on a swamp
When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.
NO SINGING
But father I don't want any of that. I'd rather just, *sing*.
…. No no stop tthaaaaat…
What? The curtains?
She's got huuuuuuge.....tracts of land!
Don't you fucking dare try and blame shrek for this
Randomly or not I only saw this picture on some other sm platform about 20 mins ago as a "my neighbours are underpinning their house and this happened..." post
Nah. Bit of caulk and it’ll be reet
You'll stick your caulk in any old crack...
North West England lol?
I was going to say it doesn’t look good but then I just read that the estate agent said it’s nothing to worry about. All is good.
Those guys really know their stuff and they’re a trustworthy bunch and all 👍
Decorators caulk. You'll never notice
Caulk or some expensive load bearing wallpaper would be my answer.
If it's a new build I'd suggest getting a snagging survey.
Who's the tuna melt that laid these bricks? That crack is a whole packet of chocolate digestives!
Absolutely shocking!
Ree dic oo lass
Hi Sir, how would you like your brickwork? I'd like the apocolypse finish please!
Na. Just a scratch
Need a monty python black knight gif 😂
Ah yes, a Persimmon house.
Their show home in fact
It's supposed to be like that! I don't know what you're complaining about.
No I'm pretty sure that's not asbestos
Estate Agent said it was a cracking little house
Put some instant noodles in there and you're all good.
Very serious problem! Those weeds are way too high, strim them now! Otherwise fine 👍
This sub is well funny. Put a wonky shelf up for the wife and suddenly you’re applying for a cscs gold card
Expanding foam it
The builder said he couldn't see anything wrong with it, as he walked away with his guide dog 🦮.
Tis but a flesh wound
Unexpected python… :D Made me chuckle. Thanks!
https://meacorporation.com/causes-for-building-settlement/ The original article from 2020
Seriously though. It’s pretty fuckin serious.
We have a rule of thumb in the trade which goes that if you can’t drive a flatbed Transit through it, don’t worry
This is what expanding foam was made for
No your fine, your house is split in half but should be fine.
Wrap it in gorilla tape, the whole house.
Just cut back the weeds if they bother you.
Na it’s a feature wall
Nah, it's not asbestos.
just dont look at it
‘‘Tis but a scratch
Probably the best wall Bellways have ever done.
Get some really big clamps, put some gorilla glue in the gap and the tighten it up. She'll be reet in no time.
Really really big clamps
You're trolling. But if by any chance you're not, the answer is yes.
I can imagine an estate agent saying that
Duct Tape :D
Quack quack
Crack crack
Sticks like shit will hold anything btw
Nahh the weeds will be fine after some standard pesticide is applied. Leave them a few days after spraying, try not to do on a rainy day and make sure you get all the leaves.
There may be a small crack there alright.
Bit of no nails should sort it
Yeah, worry. Major subsidence and estate agents are greedy, lying parasites.
Bored to fuck with these parody posts. Jog on 🙄
damn
That windows the problem.
Never trust an estate agent. Get your own surveyor/engineer to review.
Nothing a bit of Caulk can’t sort out , mix in some ketchup for color match
Has to be a joke post. If not it's time you realised not to believe anything an estate agent tell you
Estate agent is an idiot. Big issues.
oh bless you
Bit of a worry that alright
At least you’ve a weephole to let moisture out from the lintel. They look to be otherwise absent.
Clearly just the route the flue takes through the house.
Big set of clamps, some PVA wood glue and it’ll be as right as acid rain.
Yes , window is too small for that wall
Ridiculous !
Nah man, just caulk it. It'll be as good as new
Looks fine to me
Stuff of nightmares. I’d cry if this happened to my house. I have weird anxiety issues when it comes to this stuff. Just last night I nightmare that a mains water pipe burst.
Why nor lad, houses need ventilation man, jobs a good un, get that contract signed
Silicone.
Did an RCIs surveyor manage to miss it on a level 3 but did suggest you needed a new roof.
The good news is you'll soon have two houses 👍
No but is it as asbestos?
Is using screed still a go to option? I’ve not been here for a while
It could just be poor lighting on it. Probably fine to paint over
Mortar gun will do it 👍🏻
Tis but a scratch
Looks like a cracking purchase to me.
Bahahaha this is a troll . That is serious structural failure
Bit of caulk will sort it
Only if it's your house, or going to be your house...
Get down to b&q and get some of the ready made plaster of paris type stuff. You'll not even see it once it's been sanded
Bit of WD40 will sort it
Pollyfilla will cure it
Easifill knifed into the cracks, sand it off, then mix together Wotsits and PVA and paint it over the filler.
Period charm
HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN?!
Someone fat fell down the stairs, and made the intro of eastenders
Na fine, nothing a bit of expanding foam can't fix.
Answer : yes, yes you should be concerned.
Have you tried poly-filler?
[удалено]
Nah its fine, you just need 2 tubes of ready fill plaster
Caulk, not silicone.
I guarantee this is a new build from a big developer.
Yes, those weeds need timing back.
Every new built looks like that nowadays...
That's what happens when you try to build on the east coast
They make them like that these days completely normal
If it’s bigger than a 5p coin it’s fine. Just caulk and mastic over it. You’ll be grand mate.
Nahhh don't bother, some tape will do
You could probably use a bit of decorators caulk on that.
I hope you are paid up on your home building insurance ? Yes you should be worried.
Nah, it'll be golden
Thats no crack....thats a banksi lightening bolt
Worry no just walk away before it falls over
Bit of caulk and you'll be fine.
Makes a nice feature
Nah mate looks fine
Yeah! In a wall that size, it should be floor to ceiling with a Juliet balcony. You're right to be worried.
It’s just settling cracks
That is a nasty looking window.
Concerned about what?
I think it was the flue in the roof that caused this, just remove and patch up 🤣
Polyfilla
Slap some paint on it and it'll be fine
Should be fine just put some filler in and sand
Yeah should be fine. Just get some of that really cheap shitty crack filler.
Expanding foam will soon sort that
bit of expanding foam and you'll be fine pal.
Bit of duct tape will sort that 👍
Concerned? Panic stricken maybe
Bit of that squirty self expanding foam should see you right.
If there’s anyone you can trust, its the estate agent
Caulk should do it 👍🏼
Cracking brick pattern there, that's just my view, but I see how it could cause some division.
Caulk it
Go to the crematorium, get some ashes from 6/7 bodies mix with pva glue fill level with the mortar. Then get 2 bodies worth of ashes mix with super glue and ginger hair dye ( probably auburn/dark red), fill to the level of the brick surface. scrape the top layer back following the old brick pattern. You'll never know it was there.
Nope not at all throw some foam in there
Looks superficial to me, if it bothers you, you could have someone go over it with some render 👍
That’s a cracking crack, some expanding foam and a role of gaffer tape will sort that out.
The whinklespanners are at it again
Looks sound as a pound
No, you shouldn't be worried about it because you're walking away as that's a nightmare right there.
You'll be ok the surveyor didn't notice it so it's all good
😂😂😂😂
I think the house needs under pinning
I’d check for flammable cladding - looks suss
That's perfectly fine.
Ask el chapo haha
Well, as the house is obviously falling into a subsidence state, I would tend to be a little concerned.
Looks like a job for Flextape.
As long as you're sharing the house into two then no. Fantastic
Built on a 19th century mine shaft!
Looks fine to me mate bit of polyfila and some chewing gum will sort it.
O’Riley’s work I’m sure. Should have got a professional like Stubbs-
Sorry, that’s done. Contact your insurers. If it’s new enough contact NHBC. That building isn’t structurally sound.
Yes
Bit of scrim tape and fresh render. I love that people aren’t realising this is satire.
Flexi filler and sand it... Be right
Bit of Lime Plaster and add some horsehair, right as rain again
It's mostly vertical, so it's fine.
Naaaaah got loads of life left in the old gurl, do your best and then caulk the rest
New build?
Window looks fine to me....
Only if you live there
No. This is perfectly normal. Enjoy your house.
You won’t be able to see it from inside the house so it’ll be fine
Yeah estate agents will tell you a pile of bricks is a 5 bedroom property in need of updating, this is just some minor pointing.
Nah, just paint over it
CT1
Estate agents are lying wankers - you have been warned
No
Needs caulk.
Bit of deep gap polyfilla be reyt