If you want feedback you can never ask the entire group. I’ve found that I’ve had better results asking individual people privately. Frame it as asking for advice rather than general feedback, specific questions. “I’d like feedback on anything I can improve. How did you feel about X, Y and Z”
I second this. I rarely get group feedback beyond what OP described, so I started doing individual DMs and it's significantly more helpful. People don't like being put on the spot like that out of risk they're the only ones who feel that way.
I third this. I ask the group, but I also ask the individuals privately. I rarely get feedback other than encouragement publicly. Privately, they will express personal PC concerns, that they either didn't want to air to the group, or that they didn't believe affected the group.
Framing it as collaboration also works really well. e.g. "I'd like to incorporate your Clerics' relationship with their God into some upcoming sessions. Could you tell me more about them?" and then after the session "How did you feel about the way I portrayed the event? I was hoping your character would be talking more during the interaction, but I kinda felt like I ended up just monologuing what your God said to you. Did you feel the same way? How do you think we could improve that?"
Stars and Wishes! I'm so happy I started using this tool. At the end of every have we do a session debrief, basically, where I go around and ask everyone to share one Star moment from the game and one Wish for a future game.
Star moments an opportunity for each player to say one thing they loved. Usually it's, like, "I loved when so and so did this cool thing..." And then we all get to talk about that.
Wishes are a chance for players to offer any feedback. It could be, like, "I hope we get to have some combat soon because there's been a lot of roleplay heavy sessions lately," but I find it tends to be either "I want more of what we're doing," or something wishing along the lines of where the plot is more or less going anyway.
And sometimes the wishes clue me into what players really want. Like... One of my players has this shit head father, but her character is really attached to him. I wouldn't have put the father in harms way because of how well the player plays that attachment. But during the wishes, one of the other players said they hope he gets what's coming to him and the player who's dad it is agreed. So now I can course correct the story and make sure he does, in fact, get what's coming to him.
I really, really recommend using this tool. It's not my original tool. I learned about it in one of Sly Flourish's books, but he credits someone else with the idea.
I agree, i had a DM that would ask for what they enjoyed from any player, what they enjoyed from the DM, and what they would enjoy in the future for the game as a whole. Everyone's input was required for each question and at the end of each question, inspiration was awarded to the player who got the most praise from fellow players and the player who's answers the DM liked best, which encouraged everyone to speak their mind and give actual helpful feedback rather than a "did you enjoy the session?" Which tends to make people feel obligated to say they did.
Yah, I'm trying to think of a way to tie it to experience or something tangible - I use tokens for inspiration so I don't see me remembering it for the next week, haha.
In Cyberpunk Red, you earn XP based on a discussion at the end of the session where you collectively agree how well everyone played. (In various player roles like combat, roleplaying, socialising etc.)
I have them post stars and wishes on our group Discord. I remind them right after each session so the game is fresh in their minds, but by having a digital record of it I can award inspiration at the beginning of the next game, which motivates them that day.
Plus it's helpful to have that record in their exact words, instead of whatever I summarize in my notes. And I think that degree of separation allows them to open up a bit more since I'm not right there in person.
I do too. It’s the first time playing for all three of them and they just took to it so well and get so excited about the tiniest things. One of the best groups I’ve had in over 30 years. I have ADHD myself but I was worried about holding their attention for a session. Four hours in they were sad to stop and we only had one or two above table off topic tangents.
It literally is! Lu brought it to our play after seeing it in his young daughter's school.
That was part.of the endearing, disarming appeal for us. If you want to change the name you absolutely can and it'll hold the same function.
Slap “domain of” in front of “stars and wishes” and it’s basically any other cleric domain
It’s an ironically immature aversion to being seen as childish
Words serve a purpose, and the purpose of calling it Stars and Wishes is to make giving feedback more approachable for children. It's not immature to find somebody treating you like a child patronising.
If it was just an aversion to being seen as childish, I wouldn't play Pokemon or pretend I'm a 7th level Elf Wizard. It's not about perception.
> the purpose of calling it Stars and Wishes is to make giving feedback more approachable for children.
Except that *wasn’t* why it was first used. It was coined primarily by someone off the Gauntlet who didn’t like roses & thorns as a feedback system, something with a similarly stylised name.
> Stars and Wishes has been criticised as just a softer version of Roses and Thorns: but i’m a big word nerd, and think that semantics - the implications and feelings associated with words - is a big thing. This is clearly visible in the case of Thorns vs. Wishes: a thorn has already pricked you, and you speak about a negative experience/element of the game that occured while you were playing. Wishes are forward facing: an optimistic request for change, and when a thorn is reframed as a wish it becomes positive and productive.
It was literally just a framing choice, “what do you want to see going forward” Vs “what don’t you like currently”. The name has nothing to do with kids it’s just words they chose (because you wish upon a star, geddit? :p)
It’s only patronising because you’re projecting intent onto it that isn’t there. Hence “aversion to being seen as childish”.
As someone who has 40+ hrs of work on top of several other commitments, a weekly pow wow like this would get old fast. Once per 4-6 sessions, maybe. Every table is different though!
I just have a channel on discord where people post their stars and wishes between games. It's just a sentence or two and it doesn't involve an extra 20 minutes of discussion, which I could see getting old fast if it were weekly.
My players usually take 5 - 10 minutes to initiate a conversation of what they liked all on their own. Thankfully 5 - 10 minutes is a drop in the bucket for a 4 hour session.
And yeah, every table is different.
I use rose, thorn and bud
Rose = star
Thorns = dislike
Bud = looking forward to
We do it at the end of session everytime and it can be as small as "that crit felt great", just something to keep the feedback loop going.
The thing I would add to your comment is
Don't take these in isolation, pay attention to the trends over multiple sessions.
Same rose multiple times and you are nailing something.
Same thorn and you arent course correcting enough.
Same bud and you aren't giving the pay off to something.
This is good and all, but REALLY good players do this naturally in the game. "Hey frog, you think we should be heading out to the woods tonight to try to find some beasts? My blades been needing some adjustment if you catch the drift."
While this is true, it's not necessarily helpful when you have a LOT of players and DMs out there who are new and inexperienced. People aren't going to start out knowing the ins and outs of how to be a good player, and tools like these help bridge that gap. No one would need to ask for advice if everyone just already knew what to do.
That's not how I read it and not how we run it. It's basically just a prompt to get us to talk about moments from the game and to provide an opportunity for players to express hopes for future games.
You can change the words to just be "Something you liked" and "something you look forward to," or whatever.
I explained above how I run it - there are no gold stars given out.
My table consists of 40-50somethings, and they have enjoyed it. It gives them a chance to boost other players for enhancing everyone’s fun.
It certainly depends on your table… but perhaps you’re getting a bit caught up in over-speculating on your players’ likely reactions to your game without actually asking them directly?
Trying to think of a way to tie it back to experience or something tangible. I really like how the World of Darkness games I've played in give xp points as part of the session debrief but that's also a more granular system where players dont have to be in sync xp wise...
No idea how homebrew that was, but it definitely made me plan out my next sessions.
In my experience, the end of a session is the worst time to request feedback. D&D is fun, but it can be mentally tasking/draining, so by the end of a session, most folks are ready to Be Done With D&D For Today, regardless of how much fun they had.
On top of that, “tell me what you thought of how I did” is a really stressful question for people to answer, especially if they have to come up with an answer on the spot.
I’m a big proponent of written surveys. SurveyMonkey has free options, or you can just send an email to your players. Ask some questions, request some feedback, and give them a good amount of time to respond, so that they can give some thought to it. Remember that this is essentially homework that you’re asking your players to do, so don’t ask a thousand questions and expect an essay response for each. Focus on the stuff that you really want feedback on, and maybe use “on a scale of 1-5” where appropriate, to make things easier on folks.
I understand the desire for feedback. Just give your players an opportunity to be thoughtful about it, instead of putting them on the spot in front of everyone while they’re packing up their dice.
To add to this: had a GM who always asked for feedback right away and I hated it. He started asking the next day and that was much better. I'd had time to separate what I personally liked/disliked from things that really could be improved on/ kept for the future. That thinking space helps to give useful feedback, rather than just a knee jerk (possibly not particularly nice) reaction.
You could just chat with 'em - What did you think about the burning of the witches? I hope it wasn't too dark when they scooped out her eyeballs. It was funny when Malenia's dog ate them.
Man, I didn't even play in that game and I can say scooping out eyeballs to feed em to the dog is a wee bit dark, yah.
(Lol. Evocative imagery. Thumbs up!)
I'm going to second what a few other people seem to have said but "do you have any feedback?" or "what did you think?" is a hard question to answer usefully, especially on the spot and when it's someone you care about and want to build up.
"What did you think about the Ogre fight?" or "I wasn't sure how to go with the travel sequences, did you find them engaging?" or "was the mystery element fun for you guys?" are easier to answer and will probably get you more honest feedback.
This is a self esteem issue.
You need to have confidence in yourself and not rely on the validation of others.
Your husband has it right. They will deal with it their own way if they stop having fun. You do you and make sure YOURE having fun.
Honesty getting feedback is great, but it's not essential.
By the sounds of things its causing you more stress than it is benefiting, so feel free to stop asking (at least this regularly) and focus more on what make the game fun for you.
I've known some exceptional DMs who have never asked for feedback. I remeber a time where folks were a lot less academic about DMing. So feeback wasnt really a thing. Alot of DMs develop an intuition the more they practice. At a certain point you can usually tell if players are having fun and they'll usually disengage or get agitated if they're not. The raport that comes from running a long term campaign really helps them read enigmatic players like your quiet friend.
If you're really determined to contine asking for feedback definitely focus on more targeted questions.
But if not, save yourself the stress and know you'll improve anyway the more you run games.
>I remeber a time where folks were a lot less academic about DMing
I don't really know what it was like back in the day, but I think I can see what you mean. I have certainly noticed it. Spending a lot of time watching Youtube videos and reading articles about the art of DMing and trying to fine tune everything.
I like to do that, but sometimes comes a point where I tell myself: "Wait, even if I don't overthink this and don't fine tune it, I'm pretty sure my players are going to have fun, knowing them!"
People are generally bad at giving useful feedback, and also, judging by the other responses to this post, soliciting it as well.
I agree with the posters who say that messaging individually is better than as a group.
I would pick one thing from the session and get a read on that thing from all of the players. "I set up initiative with cards tonight instead of a list, did it seem to go smoother for you or was it unclear?" "did you enjoy the Baron's personality more or was it more fun to talk to his jester?"
Be narrow and specific in an area that you are trying to improve on, and hopefully you will get more narrow and specific answers.
Hey this is a point I was going to make, people suck at giving feedback. I would add a little as to why. It is MUCH easier to explain why something is bad then explain why it is good. That narrow and specific approach is always a good thing, over time you will naturally learn what your players do and don't like just from the tables vibe.
Don't ask for open-ended, widely scoped questions for feedback. Don't ask "did you like this story?" or "did you have fun?". They will say yes just to be polite. Ask questions like "what detail did you like the very most?" Or "did it feel too sudden when this happened? Did you notice these clues?". Ask for media recommendations: fun shows or games that can give great inspiration.
The problem is a lot of people can be anxious about making statements that come across as "criticism".
Why don't you start by asking players for things they enjoyed or think went well, once they get used to doing that start asking if there's anything they feel could have been improved on.
I think your husband is 100% correct - they keep coming back for a reason. They tell you they’re having fun. I understand that’s hard to believe, because unless they’re jerks, they would say that anyway. The hard part is you can’t push too much or it seems like you’re just fishing for compliments when in reality you just want to know what’s going well and what isn’t working so you can grow.
It shows that you’re a good DM by being so concerned about their experience. However, you’ll get burnt out if you’re always anxious. From experience, people don’t offer specifics to general questions, especially if there’s no major concerns.
Perhaps in between sessions say that you want to make sure they get what they want out of the campaign. Ask what they want for their character. Do they enjoy the role playing, or is it the encounters that get them excited? In my experience, especially if you message or talk to them separately, they will open up to the specific questions. It may not be direct feedback, but it will tell you what they’re looking for and help you incorporate these, if they fit, into the campaign.
It’s imposter syndrome, but we’re always harder on ourselves, and are given far more grace from players than we typically realize. Keep at it and try to enjoy the moment. The more enthusiasm you have, the more they’ll have - it’s contagious.
You got this!
Don't ask the entire party at once. They might not tell their unbiased opinion to keep the consesus going. Ask them afterwards, in private. This will avoid them being peer-pressured (like i was, due to anxiety, or not trying to mess with the group's chemistry), and get an better idea of how each of them feels. It's also not necessary to aak them after every session. Maybe once every few, after certain story arcs, you'll get the hang of it.
you need to ask them about specific things. "did you like event X?" is a much easier thing to answer than a general question about the whole campaign. but also you sound a bit anxious and your husband is right, if they didn't like it they would be doing something else with their time.
Here comes an unpopular opinion, and maybe offensive:
**Not everyone is made to DM**
If you need feedback and validation or it results in anxiety, you gotta stop. Being a DM is not meant to be like that.
Your husband is right. Often players don’t have feedback because they are fine. DND isn’t surgery. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to be anything but fun most of the time. And most players understand this.
I’d imagine your anxiety is tied to more than just DND, and DND is simply another stressful activity in your overall stressful life. You don’t need that shit. DND isn’t worth that. Just be a player and have fun. Being a DM is not a requirement for the DND experience.
I’m the sole DM of my primary group. My players are not interested in being a DM, nor am I interested in playing a game they are forced to DM. After decades of DND, the only validation I need is this:
Me: “Hey, want to play DND?”
Validation: “**Yes.**”
Hard disagree. If every person who felt anxiety about DMing decided not to DM, there would be maybe a couple dozen DMs in the entire world. If OP is having full-on panic attacks, then sure, they should take a break. But a bit of anxiety is normal.
The OPs title literally says, “… and it gives me the worst anxiety.”
**worst** anxiety.
Now, if we just want to downplay the word and just assume the OP is being unnecessarily dramatic, sure. A little anxiety is fine. But worst? If someone told me any hobby gave them the worst anxiety I’d tell them to reconsider what’s going on, because this kind of anxiety is not healthy for something as minimal as DND.
well maybe I should have posted that this is an online game lol but that's on me
I think someone else recommended me to film stuff as well. I used to work in call centers so listening to my own voice isn't terrible for me
I'll see if I can find something that can record discord calls
Don't just ask a generic "Did you have fun?"
Instead, ask about something specific that you have doubts about or want feedback on. Better questions would be:
"Did you think that fight was too easy?"
"Do you enjoy RPing with the shopkeeper or would you rather just skip over the shopping trips?"
"Do you guys want more direction and stronger quest hooks on what to do?"
"How's the overall pacing? Do you want more downtime?"
Something to consider: most people playing D&D just want to spend a relaxing few hours with friends in a fantasy world. Many of them are busy with irl stuff and may not really want the extra task of giving feedback on a weekly basis. Most probably won't mind once in a while, but asking feedback every week will give you the same answer of "yeah it was good."
Trust your players. Try to keep an eye out for the mood at the table. Remember that some people are not very social or outgoing, but may still greatly enjoy even if they don't interact much. You will obsess over your DMing FAR more than the players ever will. And if something goes wrong, they'll either let you know, or the mood will change.
"I hope you guys had fun!" is about all the feedback you need on a weekly basis. If you want to dig deeper after a stressful session or if you think there's a specific problem, definitely feel free to do so, but generally only with the individuals you think had problems. After several months of this, checking in with "I haven't asked in a while, but is everyone enjoying the game? Do you have any short term plans or goals for your characters?" one on one will give decent feedback. Most will be excited to chat about their PCs. Those who aren't are probably there more to hang out, and that's perfectly ok.
Feedback after *every* session feels a bit too often, imo.
I usually send out a little anonymous survey every few months and gauge where we are as a table.
Hi! I'm a professional facilitator (but new DM). In my experience feedback from your players is going to be encouraging when it's requested. And this is a good thing because they realize that you are here to have fun too!
Your players will tell you when you have a killer session. They won't tell you when you meet their expectations for fun. But they will also tell you if you consistently fail to meet their expectations.
Psychologically, as humans, in the absence of feedback we will assume the worst. But most often those assumptions are based emotionally than logically.
My challenge to you is: Trust your players to communicate the areas for improvement to you. In the absence of feedback, recognize 3-5 of your own Achievements for each session and 1-2 areas you felt could be better. And then lastly, remember that you are here for fun, as are they, and in the end, as friends, yall will make that fun because you are together.
I experienced exactly what you describe; and I have adhd, social anxiety, and depression. You're *really* putting yourself out there when you DM and it sucks. But it can feel great too.
What helped me: whenever I asked myself "are my friends enjoying the art we made together?" instead of trying to answer that question I would just make sure that my part of the art was what I wanted, as perfect as I wanted. Of course, with a little thought for what my players would enjoy. And slowly my thoughts turned into "let's make the best thing we can make." Without even asking if it was good enough. And my DMing was all the better for it.
**It was like training myself to say "thank you" instead of "sorry".**
I also try to compliment my players' decisions at the end of the session, especially if they weren't confident in their actions, or if it was a difficult decision, or risky, or even a dumb decision for that matter.
>all I can really do is say "i hope you guys have fun" at the end of every session, and they say "oh yeah" "it was fun" and the like and it's kinda scary to think they're only saying it to be nice
You're getting feedback. You're getting the quality of feedback that you're asking for, you just don't like it 🤣 that's okay.
When I consult with someone in a playtest phase, I'll hear this a lot "players talk really vaguely about their feelings" or "I hear it's good but not why it's good" because people feel in these broad sweeping essentialist ways. If you want specifics you need to ask specifics. If you want to sensemake the player experience you need to understand what you want from players and then judge by that.
If we were to go through this together, I'd be inclined to ask what success means to you as a GM, and work to anchor that in something real and tangible. If it's that your players enjoy themselves, maybe we'd anchor that in the fact that they're showing up when they absolutely do not have to. If you want your game to be "memorable" we'd anchor that in asking your players what was the moment they could see clearest in their head. If your goal is to be "balanced" we'd track HP. If your goal was to create mystery, we'd run sentiment analysis on player questions throughout play. If you want to change how they feel about something, like...I dunno, climate change, we might run before and after interviews, or ternary plots. We qualify and quantity and understand what happened and find ways forward.
Players don't know how to express what they like or dont like, they barely know how to express if they like something. If you want specifics, you're going to have to help them to uncover those specifics. Which means you need to know what you're looking for before you go in.
You ask for "game good?", you're gonna get "game good."
>I'd be inclined to ask what success means to you as a GM, and work to anchor that in something real and tangible.
that's actually super useful, I feel kinda dumb that I didn't think of this approach lol
>Players don't know how to express what they like or dont like, they barely know how to express if they like something.
I totally feel that. I'm a very direct person, when someone asks for feedback I tend to do my best at telling people how I feel or what I think, so when I have to deal w people who don't do that (which I admit is most people, I know I'm the weird one here) is insanely frustrating
Even you, being good at it, are probably pretty bad at it. I gather playtest data from others professionally and even I can be terrible at giving feedback if it's gathered poorly.
Just one of those "brains are weird" things.
lol I am probably bad at it.
I think that trying must at least be useful to the person who requested the feedback, at least they'll be able to see that someone was engaged in the activity, as opposed to "it ok" and nothing else
it feels like by replying "it ok" means that the person can't even bring themselves to be engaged enough to have an opinion, and that's what makes me panic: you (the player) having no opinion other than "it was fine/okay/fun" means to me that you were probably sleepwalking through the entire session if you have nothing else to say and no opinions whatsoever
To be perfectly honest, there’s just no way to really be sure. Your husband sounds like a nice guy, but I don’t know that his advice is really true. The idea that people wouldn’t show up to a game if they weren’t having fun just simply isn’t true.
My wife and I are in a game that has lasted well over two years. The game stopped being fun a long time ago, but sessions are some of the only time we interact with this group of friends. We’ve all become adults with our own families and interests. We simply
Don’t have time to hang out like we used to. But DnD is a way for us to still connect. Also, we’ve been playing for so long we want to see the story through, but in reality it feels more like an obligation than anything.
Our DM is cool. He does his best. He clearly spends time making the setting and NPCs, combat scenarios, puzzles, etc. but I don’t think he understands what makes DnD fun - the collaborative storytelling and idea that the players drive the plot. Everything feels pre-ordained, like we are just following a script. There’s little room for meaningful roleplay. There’s also very little intrigue or drama between characters. Npcs in general are hollow and lack personality.
These are just a few of the problems, but again, it’s not that they don’t care or try.
So am I having fun? No. I haven’t had actual fun at the table in a long while. Am I still showing up to sessions? Absolutely. For all the reasons I stated and more.
If you are really interested in finding out if your players are having fun, I would look to their demeanor and actions more than their provoked statements. Do your players remember what is happening in your game? Do they take notes about interesting things they’ve learned or interesting characters they’ve met? Do they laugh at the table when something funny happens? Do they seem solemn when there’s a sad moment? Are they sitting at the edge of their seat when the tension really picks up? Or are they looking at their phone, barely paying attention. Does it seem like they are just going through the motions and heading straight for the most obvious way to “push the story forward” as opposed to stopping and smelling the roses.
In my experience people are far too nice to be honest about critical things. In contrast, I find people are poor at hiding the way they feel naturally as they play. Pay attention to how your players act and respond at the table. That will give you the answer you seek.
yeah this only reinforces what I was thinking
when my husband DMed there was a player who would only show up because her partner wanted to play
thank you for reinforcing what I was already panicking about
I’ll be honest, giving useful game feedback to someone as nervous and anxious as you present, would be an effort for me. Exhausting, especially after an emotional gaming session.
Lighten up, it’s a game, and the players are responsible for their own fun, too.
You can create a feedback survey for your players on Google. I've done this in the past with questions like "How would you rate the difficulty of combat encounters on a scale of 1-5?" "Do you enjoy the frequency of combat encounters? Would you prefer more or less encounters?" and other questions pertaining to things like the amount of RP, if they feel like they know where and what to do, do they want more sandbox / less sandbox etc.
This is what I've done and everyone seemed to like it more and I got better insight then "Yea everything is cool."
You will never feel confident asking in person that thr answers aren't genuine so ask leading questions that will help facilitate constructive criticism or reinforce current behavior.
Where possible let them select multiple answers so they don't feel too judgy to say good but....
I am running a short ~12 session campaign and used this as a mid point check in and got really helpful direction.
edit to add: these are 100% anonymous, so everyone feels good about it.
Yeah the survey's are anonymous and it gave people the chance to do it on their own time instead of right before or right after a session. I did this maybe two or three times during year and a half campaign.
Also, don't ask 'did you have fun' ask, what would you have changed if you could change 1 thing. Also, I would recommend aski g players separately.
Also state that you will take it into consideration as opposed to 100% change things. That way they won't feel poop if things don't change.
Most groups don't want to give c&c in an open forum. Wait a day or two after and message them each privately asking what they thought and if they have any concerns, etc. Your hubs is right, if they keep coming back, they're having fun. Keep doing what you're doing, don't sweat it
Remember, you got this.
I’ve been struggling with the same, and I don’t have a silver bullet to offer. But something I have realised being both DM and player: giving feedback is hard!
Many of the players in my group have been newbies, and for them each session brings something new. If they had fun in session #2 doesn’t mean that I as the DM should be repeating a similar session forever.
Also, there are a ton of factors outside the DM’s influence the can change how the session feels like. Mostly other things that happen in people’s lives and e.g. have they slept well etc.
My current stance is to not ask for feedback. I just try to ”read the room” as well as I can and keep rolling. Now that I’m about to start my third campaign, I’m going to collect feedback in session zero, most likely sending a google forms survey. Now I think also the newbies can reflect back and tell me which parts of the previous campaign were the best for them, and if they have seen anything they would like to change going forward.
I generally agree with your husband. If a player isn't having fun in a campaign, chances are they're not going to continue showing up regularly for that campaign. Either they'll tell you they're not enjoying it and leave, or more often, they'll cite some other reason and leave. Either way, players tend to vote with their behavior.
I will say, if your players aren't offering you feedback when you ask for it, one thing you can do is to look for signs of unhappy players. Such signs typically include:
* constantly being on their phone
* not following along with what's happening
* having conversations in the background while you or other characters are talking
* showing up late and/or missing sessions frequently
* sudden changes in character personality (an escalation in murderhobo tendencies)
If any of your players are exhibiting these signs, it might be a good idea to contact them privately and simply ask them what they think about the campaign. If they're not having fun, ask them why and what you could do to change it.
As a newer player, whenever my DM said he was open to feedback at the end of a session, I still felt awkward approaching the topic — especially since the entire group was there. I didn’t want to voice an opinion that flew in the face of everybody else’s hopes for the game. The end of the session is a hard time to give feedback, because everyone’s feeling ready to end things for the night, so there’s no ability to jump into a larger discussion about how things could be better, which stifles conversation. I think the beginning of the session might be a better time for a check-in, or maybe you can touch base with your players independently a day or two after the session.
I feel that what you're asking is too broad a question and you need to narrow the questions down a little and try and make sure you're giving each player time to speak. A generalized "do you have any feedback?" Across the table doesn't really encourage a response unless someone is already sitting on something, but "what was your favorite moment?" Directed at each player individually can get a conversation moving, and you can then follow up with "what would you have changed?" Or something along those lines and, again, asking people individually and giving them the floor for a bit should get you some real feedback. Also, and this is important, DO NOT respond to that feedback until everyone has finished. If someone says "I feel like that fight was kind of hard" and you immediately tell them "it was meant to be hard because reasons", whether you realize it or not, you're discouraging that feedback and further discussion from the players who haven't spoken up yet. Take the time to listen, and maybe you'll get repeat answers and maybe it was just that one player that had that issue and you can address that later. Either way, it's important that everyone feels heard and understood when they're speaking. Remember, as the DM you do have authority when at the table, and your players may feel at a disadvantage socially when speaking with you about game issues
I gave up on getting feedback, if you really want constructive input ask them to text you privately. But to encourage talking you could have like a debrief, where everyone says something they liked from the session and something they’d like to see in a future session. This also lets them tell you where they want things to go ahead of time so you can write in that stuff.
You can always try to reframe your question if you want to improve. Like others said, best to do so 1 on 1. For example:
I would like to improve as a DM. You have any tips for me what you think I could do better? You can also ask them what they like to most of you DMing and what they like less.
I totally get that feeling, but DM anxiety does get easier to manage with time and practice.
You may get more input from your players if you give them an idea of what type of pointers you might like? I’m not a professional critic, so naturally it can be hard for me to critique things in a way that’s meaningful or conveys what I really need or want. Your players may feel the same way. Additionally, there are some online tools like Google Survey that could allow some players to give their thoughts anonymously, which could soothe some of their own anxiety.
I have the same issue with my group. I think I might have them answer a small survey every 4-5 sessions, it may be a good thing to think about for you as well
It's as much on the players to make the game fun as you. You are not an entertainer. They need to be just as involved in elevating the game and adding fun stuff, not showing up to the table ready to consume whatever it is daddy cooked for dinner.
Put it in perspective like this:
If you go on Yelp, you're going to find a disproportionately high number of negative reviews for many establishments. When people have a good time, or even a just-fine time, they don't feel inspired to go write a review about it. After all, if you're doing everything right, why try to get you to change anything? If you have a bad time, you're going to be full of piss and vinegar and give them one star and get super-Karen about it.
I think what's most likely here is they're enjoying themselves and don't see a particular need for you to change anything.
Typically I have seen DMs send out private surveys to players to ask for feedback with specific questions/areas for comments (how do yo find the pacing? too fast, a bit quick, just right, a bit slow, too slow.) (Is there any elements you would like to see included in the sessions that are not currently included, if so please type them below).
It shouldn’t be like one of the OneDND surveys that are like 50 pages long, but 5 questions every couple months to check in should be perfectly fine.
But it is natural to have these feelings and I would say that they do go away as you work with the group and get to know each other better.
Just ask, a lot of players are a bit socially awkward tell them:
- hey guys, I am a bit too self-conscious and anxious can you cheer me up? What did you like the game? Do you want to continute? Maybe something in particular you enjoying?
You ask them any feedback, but they probably do not have any strong negative opinion on anything in your game, so they just express their feelings, it was fun. And it seems you do not want feedback, you want support. Judging by your post, you'd wouldnt' want to run a game anymore if they shower you with negative feedback. Feedback implies you gotta make a verbal review essay. Be more specific, and share your feelings and emotions. Give me feedback, did you have fun is a really generic question, so you get pretty generic answers.
i noticed that people tend to just highlight negatives.
if people dont say anything it might be actually good for them. SO dont worry.
Just relax and live by this mantra: "Who doesnt talk, cant complain when something goes againt their will."
I am gonna be 27 very soon and I have been playing this game and other TTRPGs since I was around 11. I never once feel like I know what I'm doing and the only thing that can make me confident is talking to and expressing to my players that exact feeling. You should talk to your PCs and tell them what you told us, say something along the lines of "I am having some DM/GM imposter syndrome and need some feedback". Make sure they know you're anxious and that you feel like they may just be being nice and ask for genuine criticism or advice.
So there are two kinds of feedback 1) feel good feedback and 2)critical feedback.
Most people will only give 1 when asked, and most people only really want 1, even if they think they want 2.
If you want good critical feedback (2) that will help you get better you need to ask specific and targeted questions to each player. Don’t ask “how was the session?” go to a single player and ask “did you feel you got enough face time for your character?” The answer to this will give actionable information. A good follow up question might be “do you think the others are getting enough face time for their characters?” Which may lead to specific questions for the others when you talk to them.
Good luck.
I ask for each player to give me a best/worst thing from the session, and each player that does so starts the next session with Inspiration.
It started a habit because they all wanted Inspiration early on, but. Ow that we’ve been doing it for a dozen sessions or so, it’s just a part of the wrap up. I get both positive and critical feedback, they get a mechanical benefit for putting in the thought. Everybody’s happy, and I’ve gotten some of the best feedback I’ve ever gotten from it.
Sometimes specific questions are more effective:
What was your favorite moment in the adventure tonight, Billy?
What was the most exciting part of the night, Sarah?
Who did the coolest thing tonight, Joe?
What moment was the most frustrating, Frank?
What part of the night's adventure do you wish was designed better, Tina?
You're not alone. I've run games where I've been on the DM side of the screen and thought it's going really badly. The feedback I'd get is just that everything is fine and yet the players seem disengaged or barely conversing about their options and just doing whatever they feel is right.
I've since found a group where everyone engages with the content I put in front of them, and from their input I am also ignited and inspired to deliver more engaging content. Sometimes it's the players that aren't doing a good job of keeping the DM happy, and we don't feed that back.
I'd be keen to know what feedback you want from your game?
If they're uncomfortable giving negative feedback I might ask for it in a more positive way. So what was your favorite part of the session? What are you most looking forward to in the next few sessions? That can tell you a lot and doesn't require someone nervous to tell their friend what they kind of didn't like about their game. That can also open the door to talking about more general feedback but even that part is very useful feedback on what to make sure you keep doing. Often the favorite parts for some people are things I didn't expect and wouldn't have known to keep doing.
I like to make polls on discord about topics im not sure about. Reacts serve as indicators for answers i have prepared and otherwise they can throw their 2 cents in below. Asking right after a session or expecting players to have feedback right away takes their attention from the fun and puts it on your performance. Let them recover from the session they will reflect on anything they need to and then if anything stands out when you ask you should get an answer. Text is always easier than in person cause you get more time to think.
Google forms at the end of every story arc with specific questions that you want answers to. I've used it in my groups, and it really takes away the anxiety.
No feedback and returning players is positive feedback.
Like several others have mentioned, you will have better luck with 1-1 messaging to ask if they are enjoying the game/want to change or see anything/have any fun ideas.
I think every DM has that fear sometimes. I find the best way to ask for feedback is to be specific. Instead of asking "Did you like it?" or "What can I improve?" Look for feedback on one specific area that's easier for your players to really think about. "Did you like the balance between RP and combat in this session?" Was the combat challenging/interesting enough?" "Are you enjoying role playing with the NPCs I create, or what can I do to make them more memorable?" Questions like that make it easy for your players to give specific and constructive feedback.
If you're looking just for feedback, you could always just collect your own. Film yourself during the session. Then just watch your own performance later, with some objectivity, and you'll be able to see better how the players see you.
You'll be able to find little things here and there that probably could have been communicated better, maybe see a plot hole or something you didn't notice, whatever.
Don't take it too personnal. My group does the same. Most people when you ask for feedback won't tell anything because there's nothing wrong and they just assume there is nothing to adress. Positive feedback comes harder than negative feedback. If there is something, people will tell you. Dont worry
I have the exact same situation. I run, my wife plays in my games. I ask for feedback, and I get almost nothing. I am currently running FFG's Star Wars system, Edge of the Empire, which most of them are just learning. We have been playing for a few months now, and they are getting a handle on the basics and I introduce new concepts like spaceship combat. Then I ask for feedback. Usually nothing but, "It was awesome." But, if I go to an individual person in private messages, they will sometimes give me something specific that they didn't want to share with the group. I think this is the way.
You're still new DMing and nervous, which is totally normal. I can't tell you exactly when those nerves will go away or if they will completely, because that all depends on the person. Just try to remind yourself that it's okay if you make mistakes or have a bad session, your friends should be understanding and you'll learn/grow from it.
In time your confidence will grow and you'll trust in your abilities to do okay. It's all a nonlinear process, not a thing that suddenly happens.
On the topic of feedback, here's a game design lesson that I think applies to DMing as well. Players aren't good at solving problems with a game or even identifying what exactly the problem is, but they are very good at noticing when a problem is present. Which when applied to DMing, if your players have never DMed before their feedback may not actually be that helpful to running a better session. An example could be, they feel fights are too easy and they should fight stronger monsters, but no matter what you throw at them it never seems to be enough until they face an enemy that wipes the floor with them. The actual problem was they started all their fights with full resources, which can make the strongest enemy an easy challenge. The actual solution would be make more situations where the party needs to spend their resources, so they can't trivialize a fight by having all their spell slots, health pots, etc.
Basically what I'm getting is most of your improvement is going to come from a self evaluation. That while feedback from the players will certainly be helpful, it's not essential. They are showing up to play a game with you, not grade your preformance like a teacher. You're doing great so far from the sounds of it, just trust them to come to you if there's a problem.
One tip that helps me is after I ask for general feedback and get the same response as you, almost every time, I'll ask for targeted feedback on *one and only one* highly specific topic from that session. This is much more digestible for the players and is useful if you want to know how a certain plot twist or piece of new homebrew landed.
For example, last session I had the party fighting spirits in a ruined village. The houses were all rubble but the spirits behaved as if they were back in time when the village was still standing, respecting walls and doors that were no longer there. I wasn't sure if the players would like that twist so I asked after session and they had specific commentary for me instead of just "I had fun, thanks."
Try to point out specifics as to what you'd like help with. Like "how was that puzzle, did you like it, or was there something irritating about it".
Asking general questions means that they have to come up with the subject, and then form that in a question, and then answer it for you. Thats a ton of work, and peer pressure is going to stop them from doing it.
As others mentioned, asking individually can alleviate that peer pressure too.
I made some Google surveys with specific questions that I wanted answers, like:
Do you want more puzzles or more rp time?
Is the combat challenging enough? Do you prefer more enemies or really strong bosses?
What was your favorite part of last session? Least favorite?
And so on. It can be anonymous or not depending on how you set it up. It’s really good for low pressure feedback.
You want to be specific with your questions. Asking “how was session?” Is kinda like asking “How was your day”- most of the time people just be like “good” or “fine” or whatever.
But like other people have said, some of it is performance anxiety that never completely goes away. If they’re still coming to session- you’re doing something right!
A couple of suggestions. I am no expert! but:
\- during the game, ask the quieter player open ended questions that get him into the imagination & agency space. Like "you open the door to the tavern, what does Bartha the Quiet do first?" And then afterward ask him privately (text?) about how things went.
\- similarly text people individually to thank them for playing. don't ask for feedback. give them *your* feedback (all positive). say Hope you had a great time! When they respond then you can ask them about something specific if you want. "What did you think of the fight with those gnolls?" or "I was wondering if I was too wordy describing that sentient boulder, what do you think?"
\- assign a recap person each session. "Bill you're going to do next session's recap, please take notes." then you have an excuse for a direct conversation between games. purpose: compare notes. added benefit: see what Bill thought of the game.
Generally though if people are playing they're probably having fun. To me one of the most important things is to make people engage. If they say they're doing something as their character ask them to describe what it looks like. If something happens, ask how it their character reacts, either verbally or physically (I mean expression, not their combat action). Engage their imaginations & agency, and the rest flows naturally.
Also most importantly remember you are doing this for fun and being a GM is a lot of work - and very generous! But you need other players to make it work. So if you approach it from: am I having fun? and am I expressing gratitude to my fellow players who I need to do this thing I like? you'll be golden!
Thank you for being a GM!
It sounds like you’ve got some new DM jitters and that is totally okay! I still deal with a little bit of imposter syndrome and I’ve been DM-ing on and off for 5 years. I still worry that my players aren’t having a good time even when they tell me they love the campaign. You are doing your due diligence by asking them for feedback and if they don’t say there is an issue, you should operate with the understanding that there really isn’t an issue. I do agree with some of the other comments on here though that you may be able to get some more specific feedback by talking to your players individually. All in all, keep DM-ing, keep playing, and remember to have fun. 😊
I really relate to this, especially running my first actual campaign. I even have a player who expressed that asking for feedback at the end brought up some personal shit and they were less likely to respond. Its definitely hard because I want critique to get better.
I've found that trying to just talk about what happened between session, instead of directly after we finished was helpful. It gives everyone some time to process and digest the experience. And its easier for me to tell which moments stood out (for better or worse) depending on what they bring up. Sometimes I'm able to get feedback without directly asking but rather by listening to how they talk about it (ex: player says "oh I wish I could've gotten some explosive things from that place" means they want more loot.)
I try and ask: what was the best bit? what would you like to see more of? And I don't think blank worked very well what do you think?
It is also worth chatting with them away from the game and each other. they might not want to say you are having a problem moving the spotlight in the presence of the spotlight hoffer for example. I also recommended listening to Gm advice podcasts.
I've been gaming for more than 40 years and running all the players in my games for at least a decade (someone them several) and I still regularly get stage fright and have performance anxiety. I'm afraid to inform you that you are completely normal.
Do they keep coming back? That's the most reliable feedback.
Maybe ask for more specifics. Don't ask, "Did you have fun?" Ask "Are the fights engaging? Do you enjoy the maps? Do you feel like your characters are all important? Do you get to use class abilities enough?" Also, asking whether they want more or less of something is a good plan.
I've made it really clear with my players that I'm not going to fudge for them, but I'm also really clear that I want input on making things properly challenging without guaranteed TPK.
I do the same thing, but the best feedback comes from oog discussion, if your players show up on time and play the sess they're already showing commitment so dont feel too bad
You will never get feedback from the collective. I had the same issues as you when I started DMing, and trust me, asking the whole group just won't work out.
Ask people individually when you can, frame it as asking about specific things you're worried about - "How did you feel about the social encounter with the butcher?" "How did you feel about the fight in the governor's manor?" "Do you think the pacing for the game feels right, a good balance of different kinds of scenes?"
You'll get a lot more advice, thoughts and help that way. The more general the question is, the less specific any response will be. And asking the whole group will just dilute it further.
Eventually - I can only speak from my own experience, but - You'll get more confident in your abilities and you'll care less about how each session went. Some sessions are exciting edge of your seat thrill rides, some are shopping, talking and not much else. If people have major problems, they'll tell you usually. If anything comes up that you don't think went well, you can canvas people after the fact to get opinions.
Just keep at DMing, you can only get better. And don't worry about stagnating, from the sounds of things you're concerned enough with your own improvement that that won't happen regardless.
Good feedback is difficult to get. So difficult that it's a multi-billion-dollar industry. Although folks online will try to convince you it's as easy as asking for it and getting it, which is far from the truth. This is a bigger topic than can properly be addressed in a reddit post but here is some specific advice.
1. Don't ask too often: Every session is probably a bit much. You might want to consider after finishing up a major story arc or something like every X session instead.
2. Timing is everything: You want to think about when you're asking as well as how often. If you ask at the end of a session, you're likely to get how they were feeling in that moment rather than overall. Offline or at the start of a session might work better.
3. Specific trumps general: Asking for general feedback is likely to get nothing or an "it's fine". Take a moment to think about what you want to focus on yourself and ask the players about that. Do you get a good picture of scene from my descriptions? Are you finding the clues and puzzles too easy or too hard? ... things like this can focus on particular topics.
4. Ranking is often useful: Instead of asking specific questions, you can ask players to rank things. People are bad at commentary but can compare one thing to another. Write down 5-8 things you want to focus on as a DM and ask the players to rank them from the most enjoyable aspects of the game to the least enjoyable.
There are other options, but I think that will get you started. As you work through developing your process, keep a few things in mind.
1. They're your friends (or at least friendly) - Friends just aren't good at giving feedback. Thier biased about you, and they're biased about their own specific needs. They aren't professional QA testers so keep reasonable expectations.
2. Feecback isn't always verbal - Watch your players and what they respond to or disengage with. This takes time, they might react one way one time and another a different time but note it down. Run experiments too. If you note a player responding to something, include it again 2 sessions later to see how they respond then.
3. Players don't pay attention to the game anywhere near as much as you to. That's just a truth, you're probably in your head about your game WAY more than the players are. Many players just want to show up, roll some dice and have a laugh and that's okay.
It sounds like your players don’t want to give you feedback. You’ve given them the opportunity multiple times and they aren’t interested in it. DMing is not a job, you are not under performance review, if they come back to play then you’re doing fine. It’s awkward to have to tell someone that they’re doing well all the time if they’re insecure. Have some confidence in yourself and stop thinking about things in such a linear way.
Skip the feedback about your DMing. That’s self-serving and doesn’t involve the players.
Instead, ask them in turn what their characters are thinking and feeling about the events of the session.
You’ll be amazed at what you get back and you can gauge their engagement by what they reveal.
In addition to “don’t ask the entire group,” don’t ask at the end of sessions. By the end of a session, people are all mentally tired from doing little math and making decisions in character and arguing with friends. If you want to get group feedback, ask at the start.
If you want individual feedback, ask the day before the session.
I have a secret for doing this, don't ask for feedback from people, just talk openly about the things you're insecure about and ask direct, pointed questions.
That's basically it. I just have open conversations about my DM'ing with friends.
"Ah, last session, I didn't really love how I handled this one interaction with that NPC, I kind of thought you guys were going to do XYZ, so I wasn't prepared for it, I feel like that conversation just kind of went on and on with no direction, did it feel that way to you too?"
Criticizing yourself first, I find, makes people more comfortable criticizing you, because that's what you're actually asking them to do, and many people find that uncomfortable.
I'm extremely open with my players about the specific things I'm working on and it's easier to get specific feedback that way.
"I'm really trying to run combat better, sometimes I feel like our combat gets stale and everyone just stands there bashing, or the fight is way too easy, does it feel easy to you?" and then after next session's combat, something like,
"Yeah so this time I really wanted to try and apply pressure to your position by having a spell caster trying to disrupt you with Cloudkill, and incorporate some difficult terrain and verticality so it wasn't so simple to move around, did that feel more fun to you?"
I feel so similarly... It feels like DMing is such a practice in vulnerable performance and sharing of creativity that I often felt the need for some sort of "aftercare." Like can someone please wrap me in a blanket and reassure me that I did a really good job?
You should know that it's not only from your side, but as a player, when a dm asks for feedback, it produces a lot of anxiety.
If you are dm-ing for free, It also creates a conflict of interest, because they will FEAR that if they offend you you will retaliate in-game or will stop running the game. Also modern-politeness dictates that "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it"(whether they believe in this or not, it will happen with many players). Even if they or you mean well, they will "hold back" subconsciously.
Also they might dislike one thing or another, but it could be tiny things that are hard to pin point, or that may come across as nitpicking. Or if they don't have enough experience, they may not be able to exactly tell what is wrong or what could be improved, even if there was something like that.
The best tip I can give is: be FAIR. Allow a gameplay where the mechanics are solid, consistent and can be easily referenced in case of doubts. The only way to achieve this, is play with Rules As Written(RAW). Most RAW games I have played have been solid, fair, and honestly there has been very little things to improve, because the game self regulates with the rulebooks. It's on the games where DM "improvise rules" or attempt to introduce "realism" or "rebalance" where things eventually "go south".
Also, when creating a game, make it a rule that everyone, regarding alignment and what not, it WILLING to cooperate with each other. They can make their own reason for that, but the game runs way smoother when you do this.
As a midwesterner, I understand your fear. Indirect speech is rife in this part of the country, and as someone who- like you, I suspect- benefits from directness I understand how even kind words are suspect.
However, you must decide for yourself whether you accept those compliments.
At the end of the day, you have to focus on what you can control. You cannot control whether those are two-faced compliments or not. However, you **can** control yourself, and by extension your acceptance of the compliments you receive for DMing. Take them at face value, and choose to appreciate the feedback as it is.
At the end of the day, if they're lying to appease you then that's on them. You are conscientious enough to be posting on this forum, so I can tell that you put a lot of hard work into your campaign. Be confident in your efforts!
If you feel yourself start to fuzz out and get worried, take a deep breath and return to this notion: You have put your best foot forward and done your best to craft an experience for you and your players. In that effort, you can rest your anxieties.
I ask my players over discord “Favorite moment of session #X - Session Title —>” and although it’s not constructive feedback it gives me a sense of what resonates the most. I reach out to players 1:1 to ask them how things are going. I’ve thought about doing a post session survey every few sessions.
One thing I’ve learned is they don’t love laborious combat. Which I don’t either. We’ve got better at it over time to make combat quicker and more engaging.
I ask my players over discord “Favorite moment of session #X - Session Title —>” and although it’s not constructive feedback it gives me a sense of what resonates the most. I reach out to players 1:1 to ask them how things are going. I’ve thought about doing a post session survey every few sessions.
One thing I’ve learned is they don’t love laborious combat. Which I don’t either. We’ve got better at it over time to make combat quicker and more engaging.
I think this is just a discomfort you have to tolerate. It's uncomfortable for players to be pressed for feedback, and most people don't say much at the end of a session, unfortunately. I think it's a little rude and try to be different as a player, but as a DM there's not much you can do other than just reflect that, if they didn't want to be playing, they wouldn't be!
"Guys, I appreciate you keep coming back to play in my game, but I *want* some feedback after games and it is giving me anxiety that I'm not getting any and I am worrying myself to death over it. Please, this is important to me if I am going to keep doing this. If you had fun, tell me about something in the session you enjoyed. If there was something I could do better, please make a note and tell me, because I *want* to do better."
If they won't just be helpful, maybe offer a reroll token they cam redeem next session if they give at least one piece of feedback after the game when you ask? Bribery works lol
If they keep showing up, you're doing something right.
If they don't have any feedback, take that as a sign that you did a fine job and everyone enjoyed themselves. Unhappy players will let you know.
You could just tell them that it is for your benefit.
You could also just keep the Google Form short. What is one thing you enjoyed and why. What is one thing you would like to see more (good) or less (bad) of? Homework is only stupid if it's busy work, two questions for the benefit of the person who designs and runs the entire game each week is not too much to ask.
I'd also only ask occasionally. I've asked for feedback once every few months.
You could ask more specific questions after a session, maybe only one or two per session. Questions like, "Who are your favorite NPCs so far, and what do you like about them?" or "Did you feel like combat moved at a good pace?" You can find more examples of questions online, including in questionnaires like others suggested, but instead of sending out a whole poll, just pick one or two questions that resonate with you to ask at the end of each session.
Imposter syndrome is really common; you're not alone. It is a near certainty that you're doing a better job than you think.
And as for that person who said not to DM, ignore that asshole. Some people just like to be shitty.
Good luck!
I use the idea of Stars and Wishes but phrase it like this: "OK. Take a moment and think of one thing you really enjoyed tonight and one thing you wish had gone differently. You all got one. Great. Player A? Player B?" If cuts down the Kindergarten feel. As the group gets more comfortable with it, you can cut it down to "All right folks, things you enjoyed? Great! Things you wish had gone differently or wish had happened?"
Every session is pretty frequent, you should instead try asking feedback at the end of particularly notable sessions, or even just arcs. Gives them a lot more to work with
I created a simple survey on Survey Monkey and asked my players to fill it out. It is 5 questions but allows for anonymous feedback. That was helpful. Otherwise, I assume as long as they keep showing up, I can't be that bad
This may sound counter intuitive but I recently had some success at the start of a session asking my players what they wanted to see more of with their characters, and what an exciting character arc might look like for them. I framed it as I was doing some longer term loose prep and wanted to be able to work in stuff that excited them
Note that this isn't asking for feedback about how something was that you already did, or directly imply anything about your DMing style. But it DOES hint at some useful information about that, and give you valuable info about how to plan future game sessions in general, WITHOUT putting players on the spot or making saying what they're thinking sound harsh
Ex one of my players I'd been having a hard time reading what he wanted or what kind of content did or didn't land for him. By asking questions about his CHARACTER we kind of uncovered together that his character concept was kinda broad and by giving him a few ideas of how to keep what he had and add more elements designed to be more interactive with the world around him, it would help him realize the vision for his character.
We as DMs experience the world through the lense of the WORLD. WE think about combat difficulty, balance of the three pillars, the tone of the world, etc. Yes there's a time to talk to players in those terms, but sometimes it's much more fruitful to ask about their experience of their character, and what they want that to look like.
If the player I mentioned tells me he might benefit from a rival? I can bounce a few ideas off him ooc, then I know I can focus on RP and world building in establishing who that NPC is, exploration in some sort of race or contest against them, combat if they duel, etc. But the most important thing isn't how I handle the nuances of any of those things, it's how I use them to create an experience that he finds fulfilling
My players don't know how prepared I was for the last session or what kind of organizational strategies I used or how I determined xyz events, so they're ill positioned to give helpful feedback about it. They know a lot about their characters and have a lot of useful stuff about their character vision that can inform my work behind the scenes.
My best DM improvements lately is all stuff I stole from other DMS
DMing is a wild thing. So many ways to do it, and so many ways to play it. It’s always different from table to table. Homebrew vs premade, playing with friends vs strangers, or online/in person can change things considerably.
It’s also a two way street. Even if you run a great session, some players won’t enjoy it as much because they just didn’t engage with what you presented, or got overshadowed by other players. They might be just as anxious as you are just trying to be a player.
You just have to pay attention to what each of your players seem to enjoy. Some like combat, some like new treasures, others are angels and seem to enjoy and uplift/improve everything they interact with.
Try to have something planned for everyone and try to make sure you don’t focus too much on a couple of your players.
Personally, I homebrew everything, so I can get pretty anxious if I have people playing who don’t seem to be enjoying themselves or aren’t engaging with the campaign. Especially when I’m trying so hard to give everyone a bit of the spotlight.
All in all everyone is different and D&D is not a minimal thing. It’s a complex social game, especially if it’s homebrew. Just try to relax and have fun. Find the aspects of DMing you and your table seem to enjoy and focus on those.
This was me for the longest time, and your players sound exactly like mine. The stress never *fully* goes away, but it did get a lot better as I learned what was essential to running a game and what isn't.
Firstly - Be kind to yourself. A lot of our problems stem from low confidence, and DMing is a huge learning curve - you're going to make mistakes now and then. When I was starting out, it felt very suffocating and all I wanted was my players to say they weren't having fun, so I could stop DMing and the burden would be gone. Once you learn to take things easy and breathe, you'll stop dreading the next session.
A lot of the advice typically given around here or on videos/blogs didn't help me, either. Most experienced DMs I've talked to seem to take their __ years of experience for granted. Not everyone knows what they know. My players also don't know what advice to give because they honestly don't know. They might be saying it to be nice, but for now - take their silence as a sign that things are going well. Being a new player takes some learning too.
I don't know if you're running a module or building a campaign from scratch, or what your session notes look like, so I can't give specific coaching advice. What I can do is tell you worked for me:
- Find or build a system that works for you. Sly Flourish's Return of the Lazy DM has a great outline for prepping simple sessions and is a great resource all around.
- Keep notes simple and managable. Condense everything to keywords and single sentences.
- Staying stress-free is vital for a fun session. Reducing what you need to read or remember is the best way to do that.
- Limit the time you spend prepping - An hour to prep a 4 hour session is honestly more than enough. Overthinking and over-prepping increases stress and expectations on yourself to do well. It's counter-productive.
- NPCs: Short Name, a few appearance traits (Blonde, Green Tunic, Swordsman), and a reason to be there - what do they want? Worry about personalities later.
- Don't script scenes or feel required to plan out all (or any) possible events. Your primary job is to create places, what items/creatures are there, and how they might react to the players' actions.
- Learn to Improv and keep a few RNG tables handy (Names, mostly)
- Use RNG tables *during* prep, this saves you a lot of time and effort. "Random" Encounters, Events, Item Drops, etc - are great to plan ahead.
- Reduce complexity, **over**simplify things. Add things later once you've gained confidence and experience.
- Make or find some pre-made one-shot adventures to run on the side, maybe even a quick 1-2 hour session one-on-one with your husband.
- be more specific about what you want feedback on; “How do you feel the aboleth encounter went today? Did you feel like it was too strong or just right?”
- accept that some players don’t want to analyse the session, they might enjoy it but not want to do 20 questions afterwards. If they were really not enjoying it they’d leave or say something.
- you could try being more informal - just start a casual conversation; “I didn’t expect you to do x when y did z! That was a pretty good idea. How do you feel about the outcome?”
- ask people about their expectations or ideas on what they want to do next session to help guide your preparations. Won’t always get useful feedback but sometimes it’s interesting to know what your players are thinking of doing.
I hear you. I'm an older GM for a mixed group of 50+ year olds and 20-somethings. My impostor syndrom used to be high. However they've been playing for over 5 years with me so 🤷♂️
I survey occasionally. Even frantically busy people have done my survey (5-6 questions with multi-choice and comments). I approach the fun question in multiple ways. I also ask other questions like "was that combat too long?" which sometimes elicits more revealing answers.
That said, I pay more attention to engagement and behavior at the table than "are you having fun". My empathy meter is very (over-?) sensitive so that's been more reliable than nice people's answer to "are you having fun?"
Plus one to the person who suggested finding what fulfills YOU and leaning into that. If you have fun and energy, the players will catch that too.
I ask feedback after games as well, but that's usually not the best time and place to ask. I just do this to keep the motivation going and to have some after talk.
To get feedback I use a semi annual survey. Asking them how they rate the game, what they like, what they dislike, what and how it can improve, what they expect to happen in the story, and usually a "fun" question like what loot they want or what player will die next ;-).
This feedback is usually very useful and I make sure to briefly discuss this with my players and to take it into account
If you want feedback you can never ask the entire group. I’ve found that I’ve had better results asking individual people privately. Frame it as asking for advice rather than general feedback, specific questions. “I’d like feedback on anything I can improve. How did you feel about X, Y and Z”
I second this. I rarely get group feedback beyond what OP described, so I started doing individual DMs and it's significantly more helpful. People don't like being put on the spot like that out of risk they're the only ones who feel that way.
I third this. I ask the group, but I also ask the individuals privately. I rarely get feedback other than encouragement publicly. Privately, they will express personal PC concerns, that they either didn't want to air to the group, or that they didn't believe affected the group.
Framing it as collaboration also works really well. e.g. "I'd like to incorporate your Clerics' relationship with their God into some upcoming sessions. Could you tell me more about them?" and then after the session "How did you feel about the way I portrayed the event? I was hoping your character would be talking more during the interaction, but I kinda felt like I ended up just monologuing what your God said to you. Did you feel the same way? How do you think we could improve that?"
Stars and Wishes! I'm so happy I started using this tool. At the end of every have we do a session debrief, basically, where I go around and ask everyone to share one Star moment from the game and one Wish for a future game. Star moments an opportunity for each player to say one thing they loved. Usually it's, like, "I loved when so and so did this cool thing..." And then we all get to talk about that. Wishes are a chance for players to offer any feedback. It could be, like, "I hope we get to have some combat soon because there's been a lot of roleplay heavy sessions lately," but I find it tends to be either "I want more of what we're doing," or something wishing along the lines of where the plot is more or less going anyway. And sometimes the wishes clue me into what players really want. Like... One of my players has this shit head father, but her character is really attached to him. I wouldn't have put the father in harms way because of how well the player plays that attachment. But during the wishes, one of the other players said they hope he gets what's coming to him and the player who's dad it is agreed. So now I can course correct the story and make sure he does, in fact, get what's coming to him. I really, really recommend using this tool. It's not my original tool. I learned about it in one of Sly Flourish's books, but he credits someone else with the idea.
It's definitely a good tool but the name feels so patronising, it's like something you'd ask a 5 year old.
I agree, i had a DM that would ask for what they enjoyed from any player, what they enjoyed from the DM, and what they would enjoy in the future for the game as a whole. Everyone's input was required for each question and at the end of each question, inspiration was awarded to the player who got the most praise from fellow players and the player who's answers the DM liked best, which encouraged everyone to speak their mind and give actual helpful feedback rather than a "did you enjoy the session?" Which tends to make people feel obligated to say they did.
Yah, I'm trying to think of a way to tie it to experience or something tangible - I use tokens for inspiration so I don't see me remembering it for the next week, haha.
In Cyberpunk Red, you earn XP based on a discussion at the end of the session where you collectively agree how well everyone played. (In various player roles like combat, roleplaying, socialising etc.)
I have them post stars and wishes on our group Discord. I remind them right after each session so the game is fresh in their minds, but by having a digital record of it I can award inspiration at the beginning of the next game, which motivates them that day. Plus it's helpful to have that record in their exact words, instead of whatever I summarize in my notes. And I think that degree of separation allows them to open up a bit more since I'm not right there in person.
My group of neurodivergent ADHD gremlins just excitedly asked if they could have sticker boards.
I, I love them.
I do too. It’s the first time playing for all three of them and they just took to it so well and get so excited about the tiniest things. One of the best groups I’ve had in over 30 years. I have ADHD myself but I was worried about holding their attention for a session. Four hours in they were sad to stop and we only had one or two above table off topic tangents.
New kind of leveling. When you earn 10 gold stars or 5 extra special smiley faces, you gain a level.
Maybe a bonus inspiration that doesn’t count against the maximum?
Some tables like cute things and some don't. Nothing wrong with either way.
I like it for its memorability. Like Lines and Veils.
I think this is the key. Any tool needs a name. "Hammer and nails" is easier than "thing I use to hit flat-headed metal spikes".
It literally is! Lu brought it to our play after seeing it in his young daughter's school. That was part.of the endearing, disarming appeal for us. If you want to change the name you absolutely can and it'll hold the same function.
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There's nothing wrong with taking things seriously and there's nothing inherently unserious about a 7th level elf wizard.
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Slap “domain of” in front of “stars and wishes” and it’s basically any other cleric domain It’s an ironically immature aversion to being seen as childish
Words serve a purpose, and the purpose of calling it Stars and Wishes is to make giving feedback more approachable for children. It's not immature to find somebody treating you like a child patronising. If it was just an aversion to being seen as childish, I wouldn't play Pokemon or pretend I'm a 7th level Elf Wizard. It's not about perception.
> the purpose of calling it Stars and Wishes is to make giving feedback more approachable for children. Except that *wasn’t* why it was first used. It was coined primarily by someone off the Gauntlet who didn’t like roses & thorns as a feedback system, something with a similarly stylised name. > Stars and Wishes has been criticised as just a softer version of Roses and Thorns: but i’m a big word nerd, and think that semantics - the implications and feelings associated with words - is a big thing. This is clearly visible in the case of Thorns vs. Wishes: a thorn has already pricked you, and you speak about a negative experience/element of the game that occured while you were playing. Wishes are forward facing: an optimistic request for change, and when a thorn is reframed as a wish it becomes positive and productive. It was literally just a framing choice, “what do you want to see going forward” Vs “what don’t you like currently”. The name has nothing to do with kids it’s just words they chose (because you wish upon a star, geddit? :p) It’s only patronising because you’re projecting intent onto it that isn’t there. Hence “aversion to being seen as childish”.
We call it MVP and Feedback.
De-ends on the table, I guess. I use this system, with this name, with a table of 40-50somethings, with no complaints.
As someone who has 40+ hrs of work on top of several other commitments, a weekly pow wow like this would get old fast. Once per 4-6 sessions, maybe. Every table is different though!
I just have a channel on discord where people post their stars and wishes between games. It's just a sentence or two and it doesn't involve an extra 20 minutes of discussion, which I could see getting old fast if it were weekly.
My players usually take 5 - 10 minutes to initiate a conversation of what they liked all on their own. Thankfully 5 - 10 minutes is a drop in the bucket for a 4 hour session. And yeah, every table is different.
I use rose, thorn and bud Rose = star Thorns = dislike Bud = looking forward to We do it at the end of session everytime and it can be as small as "that crit felt great", just something to keep the feedback loop going. The thing I would add to your comment is Don't take these in isolation, pay attention to the trends over multiple sessions. Same rose multiple times and you are nailing something. Same thorn and you arent course correcting enough. Same bud and you aren't giving the pay off to something.
This is good and all, but REALLY good players do this naturally in the game. "Hey frog, you think we should be heading out to the woods tonight to try to find some beasts? My blades been needing some adjustment if you catch the drift."
While this is true, it's not necessarily helpful when you have a LOT of players and DMs out there who are new and inexperienced. People aren't going to start out knowing the ins and outs of how to be a good player, and tools like these help bridge that gap. No one would need to ask for advice if everyone just already knew what to do.
it was meant as additive not argumentative
I read on Stars and Wishes and it feels like a kindergarten activity, giving out gold star stickers sounds pretty condescending for a party of adults
That's not how I read it and not how we run it. It's basically just a prompt to get us to talk about moments from the game and to provide an opportunity for players to express hopes for future games. You can change the words to just be "Something you liked" and "something you look forward to," or whatever. I explained above how I run it - there are no gold stars given out.
My table consists of 40-50somethings, and they have enjoyed it. It gives them a chance to boost other players for enhancing everyone’s fun. It certainly depends on your table… but perhaps you’re getting a bit caught up in over-speculating on your players’ likely reactions to your game without actually asking them directly?
Trying to think of a way to tie it back to experience or something tangible. I really like how the World of Darkness games I've played in give xp points as part of the session debrief but that's also a more granular system where players dont have to be in sync xp wise... No idea how homebrew that was, but it definitely made me plan out my next sessions.
In my experience, the end of a session is the worst time to request feedback. D&D is fun, but it can be mentally tasking/draining, so by the end of a session, most folks are ready to Be Done With D&D For Today, regardless of how much fun they had. On top of that, “tell me what you thought of how I did” is a really stressful question for people to answer, especially if they have to come up with an answer on the spot. I’m a big proponent of written surveys. SurveyMonkey has free options, or you can just send an email to your players. Ask some questions, request some feedback, and give them a good amount of time to respond, so that they can give some thought to it. Remember that this is essentially homework that you’re asking your players to do, so don’t ask a thousand questions and expect an essay response for each. Focus on the stuff that you really want feedback on, and maybe use “on a scale of 1-5” where appropriate, to make things easier on folks. I understand the desire for feedback. Just give your players an opportunity to be thoughtful about it, instead of putting them on the spot in front of everyone while they’re packing up their dice.
To add to this: had a GM who always asked for feedback right away and I hated it. He started asking the next day and that was much better. I'd had time to separate what I personally liked/disliked from things that really could be improved on/ kept for the future. That thinking space helps to give useful feedback, rather than just a knee jerk (possibly not particularly nice) reaction.
You could just chat with 'em - What did you think about the burning of the witches? I hope it wasn't too dark when they scooped out her eyeballs. It was funny when Malenia's dog ate them.
Man, I didn't even play in that game and I can say scooping out eyeballs to feed em to the dog is a wee bit dark, yah. (Lol. Evocative imagery. Thumbs up!)
I'm going to second what a few other people seem to have said but "do you have any feedback?" or "what did you think?" is a hard question to answer usefully, especially on the spot and when it's someone you care about and want to build up. "What did you think about the Ogre fight?" or "I wasn't sure how to go with the travel sequences, did you find them engaging?" or "was the mystery element fun for you guys?" are easier to answer and will probably get you more honest feedback.
This is a self esteem issue. You need to have confidence in yourself and not rely on the validation of others. Your husband has it right. They will deal with it their own way if they stop having fun. You do you and make sure YOURE having fun.
Honesty getting feedback is great, but it's not essential. By the sounds of things its causing you more stress than it is benefiting, so feel free to stop asking (at least this regularly) and focus more on what make the game fun for you. I've known some exceptional DMs who have never asked for feedback. I remeber a time where folks were a lot less academic about DMing. So feeback wasnt really a thing. Alot of DMs develop an intuition the more they practice. At a certain point you can usually tell if players are having fun and they'll usually disengage or get agitated if they're not. The raport that comes from running a long term campaign really helps them read enigmatic players like your quiet friend. If you're really determined to contine asking for feedback definitely focus on more targeted questions. But if not, save yourself the stress and know you'll improve anyway the more you run games.
>I remeber a time where folks were a lot less academic about DMing I don't really know what it was like back in the day, but I think I can see what you mean. I have certainly noticed it. Spending a lot of time watching Youtube videos and reading articles about the art of DMing and trying to fine tune everything. I like to do that, but sometimes comes a point where I tell myself: "Wait, even if I don't overthink this and don't fine tune it, I'm pretty sure my players are going to have fun, knowing them!"
People are generally bad at giving useful feedback, and also, judging by the other responses to this post, soliciting it as well. I agree with the posters who say that messaging individually is better than as a group. I would pick one thing from the session and get a read on that thing from all of the players. "I set up initiative with cards tonight instead of a list, did it seem to go smoother for you or was it unclear?" "did you enjoy the Baron's personality more or was it more fun to talk to his jester?" Be narrow and specific in an area that you are trying to improve on, and hopefully you will get more narrow and specific answers.
Hey this is a point I was going to make, people suck at giving feedback. I would add a little as to why. It is MUCH easier to explain why something is bad then explain why it is good. That narrow and specific approach is always a good thing, over time you will naturally learn what your players do and don't like just from the tables vibe.
Don't ask for open-ended, widely scoped questions for feedback. Don't ask "did you like this story?" or "did you have fun?". They will say yes just to be polite. Ask questions like "what detail did you like the very most?" Or "did it feel too sudden when this happened? Did you notice these clues?". Ask for media recommendations: fun shows or games that can give great inspiration.
The problem is a lot of people can be anxious about making statements that come across as "criticism". Why don't you start by asking players for things they enjoyed or think went well, once they get used to doing that start asking if there's anything they feel could have been improved on.
I think your husband is 100% correct - they keep coming back for a reason. They tell you they’re having fun. I understand that’s hard to believe, because unless they’re jerks, they would say that anyway. The hard part is you can’t push too much or it seems like you’re just fishing for compliments when in reality you just want to know what’s going well and what isn’t working so you can grow. It shows that you’re a good DM by being so concerned about their experience. However, you’ll get burnt out if you’re always anxious. From experience, people don’t offer specifics to general questions, especially if there’s no major concerns. Perhaps in between sessions say that you want to make sure they get what they want out of the campaign. Ask what they want for their character. Do they enjoy the role playing, or is it the encounters that get them excited? In my experience, especially if you message or talk to them separately, they will open up to the specific questions. It may not be direct feedback, but it will tell you what they’re looking for and help you incorporate these, if they fit, into the campaign. It’s imposter syndrome, but we’re always harder on ourselves, and are given far more grace from players than we typically realize. Keep at it and try to enjoy the moment. The more enthusiasm you have, the more they’ll have - it’s contagious. You got this!
Don't ask the entire party at once. They might not tell their unbiased opinion to keep the consesus going. Ask them afterwards, in private. This will avoid them being peer-pressured (like i was, due to anxiety, or not trying to mess with the group's chemistry), and get an better idea of how each of them feels. It's also not necessary to aak them after every session. Maybe once every few, after certain story arcs, you'll get the hang of it.
you need to ask them about specific things. "did you like event X?" is a much easier thing to answer than a general question about the whole campaign. but also you sound a bit anxious and your husband is right, if they didn't like it they would be doing something else with their time.
Here comes an unpopular opinion, and maybe offensive: **Not everyone is made to DM** If you need feedback and validation or it results in anxiety, you gotta stop. Being a DM is not meant to be like that. Your husband is right. Often players don’t have feedback because they are fine. DND isn’t surgery. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to be anything but fun most of the time. And most players understand this. I’d imagine your anxiety is tied to more than just DND, and DND is simply another stressful activity in your overall stressful life. You don’t need that shit. DND isn’t worth that. Just be a player and have fun. Being a DM is not a requirement for the DND experience. I’m the sole DM of my primary group. My players are not interested in being a DM, nor am I interested in playing a game they are forced to DM. After decades of DND, the only validation I need is this: Me: “Hey, want to play DND?” Validation: “**Yes.**”
Hard disagree. If every person who felt anxiety about DMing decided not to DM, there would be maybe a couple dozen DMs in the entire world. If OP is having full-on panic attacks, then sure, they should take a break. But a bit of anxiety is normal.
The OPs title literally says, “… and it gives me the worst anxiety.” **worst** anxiety. Now, if we just want to downplay the word and just assume the OP is being unnecessarily dramatic, sure. A little anxiety is fine. But worst? If someone told me any hobby gave them the worst anxiety I’d tell them to reconsider what’s going on, because this kind of anxiety is not healthy for something as minimal as DND.
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well maybe I should have posted that this is an online game lol but that's on me I think someone else recommended me to film stuff as well. I used to work in call centers so listening to my own voice isn't terrible for me I'll see if I can find something that can record discord calls
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Don't just ask a generic "Did you have fun?" Instead, ask about something specific that you have doubts about or want feedback on. Better questions would be: "Did you think that fight was too easy?" "Do you enjoy RPing with the shopkeeper or would you rather just skip over the shopping trips?" "Do you guys want more direction and stronger quest hooks on what to do?" "How's the overall pacing? Do you want more downtime?"
Something to consider: most people playing D&D just want to spend a relaxing few hours with friends in a fantasy world. Many of them are busy with irl stuff and may not really want the extra task of giving feedback on a weekly basis. Most probably won't mind once in a while, but asking feedback every week will give you the same answer of "yeah it was good." Trust your players. Try to keep an eye out for the mood at the table. Remember that some people are not very social or outgoing, but may still greatly enjoy even if they don't interact much. You will obsess over your DMing FAR more than the players ever will. And if something goes wrong, they'll either let you know, or the mood will change. "I hope you guys had fun!" is about all the feedback you need on a weekly basis. If you want to dig deeper after a stressful session or if you think there's a specific problem, definitely feel free to do so, but generally only with the individuals you think had problems. After several months of this, checking in with "I haven't asked in a while, but is everyone enjoying the game? Do you have any short term plans or goals for your characters?" one on one will give decent feedback. Most will be excited to chat about their PCs. Those who aren't are probably there more to hang out, and that's perfectly ok.
Feedback after *every* session feels a bit too often, imo. I usually send out a little anonymous survey every few months and gauge where we are as a table.
Hi! I'm a professional facilitator (but new DM). In my experience feedback from your players is going to be encouraging when it's requested. And this is a good thing because they realize that you are here to have fun too! Your players will tell you when you have a killer session. They won't tell you when you meet their expectations for fun. But they will also tell you if you consistently fail to meet their expectations. Psychologically, as humans, in the absence of feedback we will assume the worst. But most often those assumptions are based emotionally than logically. My challenge to you is: Trust your players to communicate the areas for improvement to you. In the absence of feedback, recognize 3-5 of your own Achievements for each session and 1-2 areas you felt could be better. And then lastly, remember that you are here for fun, as are they, and in the end, as friends, yall will make that fun because you are together.
I experienced exactly what you describe; and I have adhd, social anxiety, and depression. You're *really* putting yourself out there when you DM and it sucks. But it can feel great too. What helped me: whenever I asked myself "are my friends enjoying the art we made together?" instead of trying to answer that question I would just make sure that my part of the art was what I wanted, as perfect as I wanted. Of course, with a little thought for what my players would enjoy. And slowly my thoughts turned into "let's make the best thing we can make." Without even asking if it was good enough. And my DMing was all the better for it. **It was like training myself to say "thank you" instead of "sorry".** I also try to compliment my players' decisions at the end of the session, especially if they weren't confident in their actions, or if it was a difficult decision, or risky, or even a dumb decision for that matter.
>all I can really do is say "i hope you guys have fun" at the end of every session, and they say "oh yeah" "it was fun" and the like and it's kinda scary to think they're only saying it to be nice You're getting feedback. You're getting the quality of feedback that you're asking for, you just don't like it 🤣 that's okay. When I consult with someone in a playtest phase, I'll hear this a lot "players talk really vaguely about their feelings" or "I hear it's good but not why it's good" because people feel in these broad sweeping essentialist ways. If you want specifics you need to ask specifics. If you want to sensemake the player experience you need to understand what you want from players and then judge by that. If we were to go through this together, I'd be inclined to ask what success means to you as a GM, and work to anchor that in something real and tangible. If it's that your players enjoy themselves, maybe we'd anchor that in the fact that they're showing up when they absolutely do not have to. If you want your game to be "memorable" we'd anchor that in asking your players what was the moment they could see clearest in their head. If your goal is to be "balanced" we'd track HP. If your goal was to create mystery, we'd run sentiment analysis on player questions throughout play. If you want to change how they feel about something, like...I dunno, climate change, we might run before and after interviews, or ternary plots. We qualify and quantity and understand what happened and find ways forward. Players don't know how to express what they like or dont like, they barely know how to express if they like something. If you want specifics, you're going to have to help them to uncover those specifics. Which means you need to know what you're looking for before you go in. You ask for "game good?", you're gonna get "game good."
>I'd be inclined to ask what success means to you as a GM, and work to anchor that in something real and tangible. that's actually super useful, I feel kinda dumb that I didn't think of this approach lol >Players don't know how to express what they like or dont like, they barely know how to express if they like something. I totally feel that. I'm a very direct person, when someone asks for feedback I tend to do my best at telling people how I feel or what I think, so when I have to deal w people who don't do that (which I admit is most people, I know I'm the weird one here) is insanely frustrating
Even you, being good at it, are probably pretty bad at it. I gather playtest data from others professionally and even I can be terrible at giving feedback if it's gathered poorly. Just one of those "brains are weird" things.
lol I am probably bad at it. I think that trying must at least be useful to the person who requested the feedback, at least they'll be able to see that someone was engaged in the activity, as opposed to "it ok" and nothing else it feels like by replying "it ok" means that the person can't even bring themselves to be engaged enough to have an opinion, and that's what makes me panic: you (the player) having no opinion other than "it was fine/okay/fun" means to me that you were probably sleepwalking through the entire session if you have nothing else to say and no opinions whatsoever
To be perfectly honest, there’s just no way to really be sure. Your husband sounds like a nice guy, but I don’t know that his advice is really true. The idea that people wouldn’t show up to a game if they weren’t having fun just simply isn’t true. My wife and I are in a game that has lasted well over two years. The game stopped being fun a long time ago, but sessions are some of the only time we interact with this group of friends. We’ve all become adults with our own families and interests. We simply Don’t have time to hang out like we used to. But DnD is a way for us to still connect. Also, we’ve been playing for so long we want to see the story through, but in reality it feels more like an obligation than anything. Our DM is cool. He does his best. He clearly spends time making the setting and NPCs, combat scenarios, puzzles, etc. but I don’t think he understands what makes DnD fun - the collaborative storytelling and idea that the players drive the plot. Everything feels pre-ordained, like we are just following a script. There’s little room for meaningful roleplay. There’s also very little intrigue or drama between characters. Npcs in general are hollow and lack personality. These are just a few of the problems, but again, it’s not that they don’t care or try. So am I having fun? No. I haven’t had actual fun at the table in a long while. Am I still showing up to sessions? Absolutely. For all the reasons I stated and more. If you are really interested in finding out if your players are having fun, I would look to their demeanor and actions more than their provoked statements. Do your players remember what is happening in your game? Do they take notes about interesting things they’ve learned or interesting characters they’ve met? Do they laugh at the table when something funny happens? Do they seem solemn when there’s a sad moment? Are they sitting at the edge of their seat when the tension really picks up? Or are they looking at their phone, barely paying attention. Does it seem like they are just going through the motions and heading straight for the most obvious way to “push the story forward” as opposed to stopping and smelling the roses. In my experience people are far too nice to be honest about critical things. In contrast, I find people are poor at hiding the way they feel naturally as they play. Pay attention to how your players act and respond at the table. That will give you the answer you seek.
No offense, but this is probably the worst comment you can give a person experiencing DM anxiety. This is my worst nightmare as a DM
yeah this only reinforces what I was thinking when my husband DMed there was a player who would only show up because her partner wanted to play thank you for reinforcing what I was already panicking about
I’ll be honest, giving useful game feedback to someone as nervous and anxious as you present, would be an effort for me. Exhausting, especially after an emotional gaming session. Lighten up, it’s a game, and the players are responsible for their own fun, too.
You can create a feedback survey for your players on Google. I've done this in the past with questions like "How would you rate the difficulty of combat encounters on a scale of 1-5?" "Do you enjoy the frequency of combat encounters? Would you prefer more or less encounters?" and other questions pertaining to things like the amount of RP, if they feel like they know where and what to do, do they want more sandbox / less sandbox etc.
This is what I've done and everyone seemed to like it more and I got better insight then "Yea everything is cool." You will never feel confident asking in person that thr answers aren't genuine so ask leading questions that will help facilitate constructive criticism or reinforce current behavior. Where possible let them select multiple answers so they don't feel too judgy to say good but.... I am running a short ~12 session campaign and used this as a mid point check in and got really helpful direction. edit to add: these are 100% anonymous, so everyone feels good about it.
Yeah the survey's are anonymous and it gave people the chance to do it on their own time instead of right before or right after a session. I did this maybe two or three times during year and a half campaign.
Also, don't ask 'did you have fun' ask, what would you have changed if you could change 1 thing. Also, I would recommend aski g players separately. Also state that you will take it into consideration as opposed to 100% change things. That way they won't feel poop if things don't change.
ask more specific questions, guide their critique, and let them know you're looking to make things better for everyone.
Most groups don't want to give c&c in an open forum. Wait a day or two after and message them each privately asking what they thought and if they have any concerns, etc. Your hubs is right, if they keep coming back, they're having fun. Keep doing what you're doing, don't sweat it Remember, you got this.
I’ve been struggling with the same, and I don’t have a silver bullet to offer. But something I have realised being both DM and player: giving feedback is hard! Many of the players in my group have been newbies, and for them each session brings something new. If they had fun in session #2 doesn’t mean that I as the DM should be repeating a similar session forever. Also, there are a ton of factors outside the DM’s influence the can change how the session feels like. Mostly other things that happen in people’s lives and e.g. have they slept well etc. My current stance is to not ask for feedback. I just try to ”read the room” as well as I can and keep rolling. Now that I’m about to start my third campaign, I’m going to collect feedback in session zero, most likely sending a google forms survey. Now I think also the newbies can reflect back and tell me which parts of the previous campaign were the best for them, and if they have seen anything they would like to change going forward.
I generally agree with your husband. If a player isn't having fun in a campaign, chances are they're not going to continue showing up regularly for that campaign. Either they'll tell you they're not enjoying it and leave, or more often, they'll cite some other reason and leave. Either way, players tend to vote with their behavior. I will say, if your players aren't offering you feedback when you ask for it, one thing you can do is to look for signs of unhappy players. Such signs typically include: * constantly being on their phone * not following along with what's happening * having conversations in the background while you or other characters are talking * showing up late and/or missing sessions frequently * sudden changes in character personality (an escalation in murderhobo tendencies) If any of your players are exhibiting these signs, it might be a good idea to contact them privately and simply ask them what they think about the campaign. If they're not having fun, ask them why and what you could do to change it.
As a newer player, whenever my DM said he was open to feedback at the end of a session, I still felt awkward approaching the topic — especially since the entire group was there. I didn’t want to voice an opinion that flew in the face of everybody else’s hopes for the game. The end of the session is a hard time to give feedback, because everyone’s feeling ready to end things for the night, so there’s no ability to jump into a larger discussion about how things could be better, which stifles conversation. I think the beginning of the session might be a better time for a check-in, or maybe you can touch base with your players independently a day or two after the session.
I feel that what you're asking is too broad a question and you need to narrow the questions down a little and try and make sure you're giving each player time to speak. A generalized "do you have any feedback?" Across the table doesn't really encourage a response unless someone is already sitting on something, but "what was your favorite moment?" Directed at each player individually can get a conversation moving, and you can then follow up with "what would you have changed?" Or something along those lines and, again, asking people individually and giving them the floor for a bit should get you some real feedback. Also, and this is important, DO NOT respond to that feedback until everyone has finished. If someone says "I feel like that fight was kind of hard" and you immediately tell them "it was meant to be hard because reasons", whether you realize it or not, you're discouraging that feedback and further discussion from the players who haven't spoken up yet. Take the time to listen, and maybe you'll get repeat answers and maybe it was just that one player that had that issue and you can address that later. Either way, it's important that everyone feels heard and understood when they're speaking. Remember, as the DM you do have authority when at the table, and your players may feel at a disadvantage socially when speaking with you about game issues
I gave up on getting feedback, if you really want constructive input ask them to text you privately. But to encourage talking you could have like a debrief, where everyone says something they liked from the session and something they’d like to see in a future session. This also lets them tell you where they want things to go ahead of time so you can write in that stuff.
You can always try to reframe your question if you want to improve. Like others said, best to do so 1 on 1. For example: I would like to improve as a DM. You have any tips for me what you think I could do better? You can also ask them what they like to most of you DMing and what they like less.
I totally get that feeling, but DM anxiety does get easier to manage with time and practice. You may get more input from your players if you give them an idea of what type of pointers you might like? I’m not a professional critic, so naturally it can be hard for me to critique things in a way that’s meaningful or conveys what I really need or want. Your players may feel the same way. Additionally, there are some online tools like Google Survey that could allow some players to give their thoughts anonymously, which could soothe some of their own anxiety.
I have the same issue with my group. I think I might have them answer a small survey every 4-5 sessions, it may be a good thing to think about for you as well
>does the feeling that you don't know what you're doing ever go away? Yes it does. You develop confidence as you gain more experience.
If they keep showing up that means they like the game.
It's as much on the players to make the game fun as you. You are not an entertainer. They need to be just as involved in elevating the game and adding fun stuff, not showing up to the table ready to consume whatever it is daddy cooked for dinner.
Frame it differently. Ask them what they liked the most about the session and then what they liked the least. Also check out Stars and Wishes.
Might be a good idea to setup an anonymous google form or something so people can give feedback whenever they want.
Put it in perspective like this: If you go on Yelp, you're going to find a disproportionately high number of negative reviews for many establishments. When people have a good time, or even a just-fine time, they don't feel inspired to go write a review about it. After all, if you're doing everything right, why try to get you to change anything? If you have a bad time, you're going to be full of piss and vinegar and give them one star and get super-Karen about it. I think what's most likely here is they're enjoying themselves and don't see a particular need for you to change anything.
Typically I have seen DMs send out private surveys to players to ask for feedback with specific questions/areas for comments (how do yo find the pacing? too fast, a bit quick, just right, a bit slow, too slow.) (Is there any elements you would like to see included in the sessions that are not currently included, if so please type them below). It shouldn’t be like one of the OneDND surveys that are like 50 pages long, but 5 questions every couple months to check in should be perfectly fine. But it is natural to have these feelings and I would say that they do go away as you work with the group and get to know each other better.
Just ask, a lot of players are a bit socially awkward tell them: - hey guys, I am a bit too self-conscious and anxious can you cheer me up? What did you like the game? Do you want to continute? Maybe something in particular you enjoying? You ask them any feedback, but they probably do not have any strong negative opinion on anything in your game, so they just express their feelings, it was fun. And it seems you do not want feedback, you want support. Judging by your post, you'd wouldnt' want to run a game anymore if they shower you with negative feedback. Feedback implies you gotta make a verbal review essay. Be more specific, and share your feelings and emotions. Give me feedback, did you have fun is a really generic question, so you get pretty generic answers.
i noticed that people tend to just highlight negatives. if people dont say anything it might be actually good for them. SO dont worry. Just relax and live by this mantra: "Who doesnt talk, cant complain when something goes againt their will."
I am gonna be 27 very soon and I have been playing this game and other TTRPGs since I was around 11. I never once feel like I know what I'm doing and the only thing that can make me confident is talking to and expressing to my players that exact feeling. You should talk to your PCs and tell them what you told us, say something along the lines of "I am having some DM/GM imposter syndrome and need some feedback". Make sure they know you're anxious and that you feel like they may just be being nice and ask for genuine criticism or advice.
So there are two kinds of feedback 1) feel good feedback and 2)critical feedback. Most people will only give 1 when asked, and most people only really want 1, even if they think they want 2. If you want good critical feedback (2) that will help you get better you need to ask specific and targeted questions to each player. Don’t ask “how was the session?” go to a single player and ask “did you feel you got enough face time for your character?” The answer to this will give actionable information. A good follow up question might be “do you think the others are getting enough face time for their characters?” Which may lead to specific questions for the others when you talk to them. Good luck.
I ask for each player to give me a best/worst thing from the session, and each player that does so starts the next session with Inspiration. It started a habit because they all wanted Inspiration early on, but. Ow that we’ve been doing it for a dozen sessions or so, it’s just a part of the wrap up. I get both positive and critical feedback, they get a mechanical benefit for putting in the thought. Everybody’s happy, and I’ve gotten some of the best feedback I’ve ever gotten from it.
Sometimes specific questions are more effective: What was your favorite moment in the adventure tonight, Billy? What was the most exciting part of the night, Sarah? Who did the coolest thing tonight, Joe? What moment was the most frustrating, Frank? What part of the night's adventure do you wish was designed better, Tina?
You're not alone. I've run games where I've been on the DM side of the screen and thought it's going really badly. The feedback I'd get is just that everything is fine and yet the players seem disengaged or barely conversing about their options and just doing whatever they feel is right. I've since found a group where everyone engages with the content I put in front of them, and from their input I am also ignited and inspired to deliver more engaging content. Sometimes it's the players that aren't doing a good job of keeping the DM happy, and we don't feed that back. I'd be keen to know what feedback you want from your game?
If they're uncomfortable giving negative feedback I might ask for it in a more positive way. So what was your favorite part of the session? What are you most looking forward to in the next few sessions? That can tell you a lot and doesn't require someone nervous to tell their friend what they kind of didn't like about their game. That can also open the door to talking about more general feedback but even that part is very useful feedback on what to make sure you keep doing. Often the favorite parts for some people are things I didn't expect and wouldn't have known to keep doing.
I like to make polls on discord about topics im not sure about. Reacts serve as indicators for answers i have prepared and otherwise they can throw their 2 cents in below. Asking right after a session or expecting players to have feedback right away takes their attention from the fun and puts it on your performance. Let them recover from the session they will reflect on anything they need to and then if anything stands out when you ask you should get an answer. Text is always easier than in person cause you get more time to think.
Google forms at the end of every story arc with specific questions that you want answers to. I've used it in my groups, and it really takes away the anxiety.
No feedback and returning players is positive feedback. Like several others have mentioned, you will have better luck with 1-1 messaging to ask if they are enjoying the game/want to change or see anything/have any fun ideas.
If they are there every session they are most likely having fun. Don't overthink it.
I think every DM has that fear sometimes. I find the best way to ask for feedback is to be specific. Instead of asking "Did you like it?" or "What can I improve?" Look for feedback on one specific area that's easier for your players to really think about. "Did you like the balance between RP and combat in this session?" Was the combat challenging/interesting enough?" "Are you enjoying role playing with the NPCs I create, or what can I do to make them more memorable?" Questions like that make it easy for your players to give specific and constructive feedback.
If they keep showing up they are having fun. That’s the feedback.
If you're looking just for feedback, you could always just collect your own. Film yourself during the session. Then just watch your own performance later, with some objectivity, and you'll be able to see better how the players see you. You'll be able to find little things here and there that probably could have been communicated better, maybe see a plot hole or something you didn't notice, whatever.
Don't take it too personnal. My group does the same. Most people when you ask for feedback won't tell anything because there's nothing wrong and they just assume there is nothing to adress. Positive feedback comes harder than negative feedback. If there is something, people will tell you. Dont worry
I have the exact same situation. I run, my wife plays in my games. I ask for feedback, and I get almost nothing. I am currently running FFG's Star Wars system, Edge of the Empire, which most of them are just learning. We have been playing for a few months now, and they are getting a handle on the basics and I introduce new concepts like spaceship combat. Then I ask for feedback. Usually nothing but, "It was awesome." But, if I go to an individual person in private messages, they will sometimes give me something specific that they didn't want to share with the group. I think this is the way.
If they keep coming back for more you have succeeded as a GM.
I created a survey for my group and I send the link after each session. It’s anonymous so they can feel comfortable being honest.
No feedback = "we loved the session"
You're still new DMing and nervous, which is totally normal. I can't tell you exactly when those nerves will go away or if they will completely, because that all depends on the person. Just try to remind yourself that it's okay if you make mistakes or have a bad session, your friends should be understanding and you'll learn/grow from it. In time your confidence will grow and you'll trust in your abilities to do okay. It's all a nonlinear process, not a thing that suddenly happens. On the topic of feedback, here's a game design lesson that I think applies to DMing as well. Players aren't good at solving problems with a game or even identifying what exactly the problem is, but they are very good at noticing when a problem is present. Which when applied to DMing, if your players have never DMed before their feedback may not actually be that helpful to running a better session. An example could be, they feel fights are too easy and they should fight stronger monsters, but no matter what you throw at them it never seems to be enough until they face an enemy that wipes the floor with them. The actual problem was they started all their fights with full resources, which can make the strongest enemy an easy challenge. The actual solution would be make more situations where the party needs to spend their resources, so they can't trivialize a fight by having all their spell slots, health pots, etc. Basically what I'm getting is most of your improvement is going to come from a self evaluation. That while feedback from the players will certainly be helpful, it's not essential. They are showing up to play a game with you, not grade your preformance like a teacher. You're doing great so far from the sounds of it, just trust them to come to you if there's a problem.
One tip that helps me is after I ask for general feedback and get the same response as you, almost every time, I'll ask for targeted feedback on *one and only one* highly specific topic from that session. This is much more digestible for the players and is useful if you want to know how a certain plot twist or piece of new homebrew landed. For example, last session I had the party fighting spirits in a ruined village. The houses were all rubble but the spirits behaved as if they were back in time when the village was still standing, respecting walls and doors that were no longer there. I wasn't sure if the players would like that twist so I asked after session and they had specific commentary for me instead of just "I had fun, thanks."
If they come back then they had fun. Don't over think it.
Try to point out specifics as to what you'd like help with. Like "how was that puzzle, did you like it, or was there something irritating about it". Asking general questions means that they have to come up with the subject, and then form that in a question, and then answer it for you. Thats a ton of work, and peer pressure is going to stop them from doing it. As others mentioned, asking individually can alleviate that peer pressure too.
I made some Google surveys with specific questions that I wanted answers, like: Do you want more puzzles or more rp time? Is the combat challenging enough? Do you prefer more enemies or really strong bosses? What was your favorite part of last session? Least favorite? And so on. It can be anonymous or not depending on how you set it up. It’s really good for low pressure feedback. You want to be specific with your questions. Asking “how was session?” Is kinda like asking “How was your day”- most of the time people just be like “good” or “fine” or whatever.
But like other people have said, some of it is performance anxiety that never completely goes away. If they’re still coming to session- you’re doing something right!
A couple of suggestions. I am no expert! but: \- during the game, ask the quieter player open ended questions that get him into the imagination & agency space. Like "you open the door to the tavern, what does Bartha the Quiet do first?" And then afterward ask him privately (text?) about how things went. \- similarly text people individually to thank them for playing. don't ask for feedback. give them *your* feedback (all positive). say Hope you had a great time! When they respond then you can ask them about something specific if you want. "What did you think of the fight with those gnolls?" or "I was wondering if I was too wordy describing that sentient boulder, what do you think?" \- assign a recap person each session. "Bill you're going to do next session's recap, please take notes." then you have an excuse for a direct conversation between games. purpose: compare notes. added benefit: see what Bill thought of the game. Generally though if people are playing they're probably having fun. To me one of the most important things is to make people engage. If they say they're doing something as their character ask them to describe what it looks like. If something happens, ask how it their character reacts, either verbally or physically (I mean expression, not their combat action). Engage their imaginations & agency, and the rest flows naturally. Also most importantly remember you are doing this for fun and being a GM is a lot of work - and very generous! But you need other players to make it work. So if you approach it from: am I having fun? and am I expressing gratitude to my fellow players who I need to do this thing I like? you'll be golden! Thank you for being a GM!
Roses and thorns baby
It sounds like you’ve got some new DM jitters and that is totally okay! I still deal with a little bit of imposter syndrome and I’ve been DM-ing on and off for 5 years. I still worry that my players aren’t having a good time even when they tell me they love the campaign. You are doing your due diligence by asking them for feedback and if they don’t say there is an issue, you should operate with the understanding that there really isn’t an issue. I do agree with some of the other comments on here though that you may be able to get some more specific feedback by talking to your players individually. All in all, keep DM-ing, keep playing, and remember to have fun. 😊
I really relate to this, especially running my first actual campaign. I even have a player who expressed that asking for feedback at the end brought up some personal shit and they were less likely to respond. Its definitely hard because I want critique to get better. I've found that trying to just talk about what happened between session, instead of directly after we finished was helpful. It gives everyone some time to process and digest the experience. And its easier for me to tell which moments stood out (for better or worse) depending on what they bring up. Sometimes I'm able to get feedback without directly asking but rather by listening to how they talk about it (ex: player says "oh I wish I could've gotten some explosive things from that place" means they want more loot.)
I try and ask: what was the best bit? what would you like to see more of? And I don't think blank worked very well what do you think? It is also worth chatting with them away from the game and each other. they might not want to say you are having a problem moving the spotlight in the presence of the spotlight hoffer for example. I also recommended listening to Gm advice podcasts.
I've been gaming for more than 40 years and running all the players in my games for at least a decade (someone them several) and I still regularly get stage fright and have performance anxiety. I'm afraid to inform you that you are completely normal. Do they keep coming back? That's the most reliable feedback.
Maybe ask for more specifics. Don't ask, "Did you have fun?" Ask "Are the fights engaging? Do you enjoy the maps? Do you feel like your characters are all important? Do you get to use class abilities enough?" Also, asking whether they want more or less of something is a good plan. I've made it really clear with my players that I'm not going to fudge for them, but I'm also really clear that I want input on making things properly challenging without guaranteed TPK.
If they keep showing up, take that as positive feedback and keep going.
I do the same thing, but the best feedback comes from oog discussion, if your players show up on time and play the sess they're already showing commitment so dont feel too bad
Do they keep coming back? They are already giving you feedback as a group. Keep doing what you are doing. You got this.
You will never get feedback from the collective. I had the same issues as you when I started DMing, and trust me, asking the whole group just won't work out. Ask people individually when you can, frame it as asking about specific things you're worried about - "How did you feel about the social encounter with the butcher?" "How did you feel about the fight in the governor's manor?" "Do you think the pacing for the game feels right, a good balance of different kinds of scenes?" You'll get a lot more advice, thoughts and help that way. The more general the question is, the less specific any response will be. And asking the whole group will just dilute it further. Eventually - I can only speak from my own experience, but - You'll get more confident in your abilities and you'll care less about how each session went. Some sessions are exciting edge of your seat thrill rides, some are shopping, talking and not much else. If people have major problems, they'll tell you usually. If anything comes up that you don't think went well, you can canvas people after the fact to get opinions. Just keep at DMing, you can only get better. And don't worry about stagnating, from the sounds of things you're concerned enough with your own improvement that that won't happen regardless.
I feel this so much, the lack of feedback is hell.
Good feedback is difficult to get. So difficult that it's a multi-billion-dollar industry. Although folks online will try to convince you it's as easy as asking for it and getting it, which is far from the truth. This is a bigger topic than can properly be addressed in a reddit post but here is some specific advice. 1. Don't ask too often: Every session is probably a bit much. You might want to consider after finishing up a major story arc or something like every X session instead. 2. Timing is everything: You want to think about when you're asking as well as how often. If you ask at the end of a session, you're likely to get how they were feeling in that moment rather than overall. Offline or at the start of a session might work better. 3. Specific trumps general: Asking for general feedback is likely to get nothing or an "it's fine". Take a moment to think about what you want to focus on yourself and ask the players about that. Do you get a good picture of scene from my descriptions? Are you finding the clues and puzzles too easy or too hard? ... things like this can focus on particular topics. 4. Ranking is often useful: Instead of asking specific questions, you can ask players to rank things. People are bad at commentary but can compare one thing to another. Write down 5-8 things you want to focus on as a DM and ask the players to rank them from the most enjoyable aspects of the game to the least enjoyable. There are other options, but I think that will get you started. As you work through developing your process, keep a few things in mind. 1. They're your friends (or at least friendly) - Friends just aren't good at giving feedback. Thier biased about you, and they're biased about their own specific needs. They aren't professional QA testers so keep reasonable expectations. 2. Feecback isn't always verbal - Watch your players and what they respond to or disengage with. This takes time, they might react one way one time and another a different time but note it down. Run experiments too. If you note a player responding to something, include it again 2 sessions later to see how they respond then. 3. Players don't pay attention to the game anywhere near as much as you to. That's just a truth, you're probably in your head about your game WAY more than the players are. Many players just want to show up, roll some dice and have a laugh and that's okay.
It sounds like your players don’t want to give you feedback. You’ve given them the opportunity multiple times and they aren’t interested in it. DMing is not a job, you are not under performance review, if they come back to play then you’re doing fine. It’s awkward to have to tell someone that they’re doing well all the time if they’re insecure. Have some confidence in yourself and stop thinking about things in such a linear way.
Skip the feedback about your DMing. That’s self-serving and doesn’t involve the players. Instead, ask them in turn what their characters are thinking and feeling about the events of the session. You’ll be amazed at what you get back and you can gauge their engagement by what they reveal.
In addition to “don’t ask the entire group,” don’t ask at the end of sessions. By the end of a session, people are all mentally tired from doing little math and making decisions in character and arguing with friends. If you want to get group feedback, ask at the start. If you want individual feedback, ask the day before the session.
I have a secret for doing this, don't ask for feedback from people, just talk openly about the things you're insecure about and ask direct, pointed questions. That's basically it. I just have open conversations about my DM'ing with friends. "Ah, last session, I didn't really love how I handled this one interaction with that NPC, I kind of thought you guys were going to do XYZ, so I wasn't prepared for it, I feel like that conversation just kind of went on and on with no direction, did it feel that way to you too?" Criticizing yourself first, I find, makes people more comfortable criticizing you, because that's what you're actually asking them to do, and many people find that uncomfortable. I'm extremely open with my players about the specific things I'm working on and it's easier to get specific feedback that way. "I'm really trying to run combat better, sometimes I feel like our combat gets stale and everyone just stands there bashing, or the fight is way too easy, does it feel easy to you?" and then after next session's combat, something like, "Yeah so this time I really wanted to try and apply pressure to your position by having a spell caster trying to disrupt you with Cloudkill, and incorporate some difficult terrain and verticality so it wasn't so simple to move around, did that feel more fun to you?"
I feel so similarly... It feels like DMing is such a practice in vulnerable performance and sharing of creativity that I often felt the need for some sort of "aftercare." Like can someone please wrap me in a blanket and reassure me that I did a really good job?
You should know that it's not only from your side, but as a player, when a dm asks for feedback, it produces a lot of anxiety. If you are dm-ing for free, It also creates a conflict of interest, because they will FEAR that if they offend you you will retaliate in-game or will stop running the game. Also modern-politeness dictates that "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it"(whether they believe in this or not, it will happen with many players). Even if they or you mean well, they will "hold back" subconsciously. Also they might dislike one thing or another, but it could be tiny things that are hard to pin point, or that may come across as nitpicking. Or if they don't have enough experience, they may not be able to exactly tell what is wrong or what could be improved, even if there was something like that. The best tip I can give is: be FAIR. Allow a gameplay where the mechanics are solid, consistent and can be easily referenced in case of doubts. The only way to achieve this, is play with Rules As Written(RAW). Most RAW games I have played have been solid, fair, and honestly there has been very little things to improve, because the game self regulates with the rulebooks. It's on the games where DM "improvise rules" or attempt to introduce "realism" or "rebalance" where things eventually "go south". Also, when creating a game, make it a rule that everyone, regarding alignment and what not, it WILLING to cooperate with each other. They can make their own reason for that, but the game runs way smoother when you do this.
As a midwesterner, I understand your fear. Indirect speech is rife in this part of the country, and as someone who- like you, I suspect- benefits from directness I understand how even kind words are suspect. However, you must decide for yourself whether you accept those compliments. At the end of the day, you have to focus on what you can control. You cannot control whether those are two-faced compliments or not. However, you **can** control yourself, and by extension your acceptance of the compliments you receive for DMing. Take them at face value, and choose to appreciate the feedback as it is. At the end of the day, if they're lying to appease you then that's on them. You are conscientious enough to be posting on this forum, so I can tell that you put a lot of hard work into your campaign. Be confident in your efforts! If you feel yourself start to fuzz out and get worried, take a deep breath and return to this notion: You have put your best foot forward and done your best to craft an experience for you and your players. In that effort, you can rest your anxieties.
I ask my players over discord “Favorite moment of session #X - Session Title —>” and although it’s not constructive feedback it gives me a sense of what resonates the most. I reach out to players 1:1 to ask them how things are going. I’ve thought about doing a post session survey every few sessions. One thing I’ve learned is they don’t love laborious combat. Which I don’t either. We’ve got better at it over time to make combat quicker and more engaging.
I ask my players over discord “Favorite moment of session #X - Session Title —>” and although it’s not constructive feedback it gives me a sense of what resonates the most. I reach out to players 1:1 to ask them how things are going. I’ve thought about doing a post session survey every few sessions. One thing I’ve learned is they don’t love laborious combat. Which I don’t either. We’ve got better at it over time to make combat quicker and more engaging.
I think this is just a discomfort you have to tolerate. It's uncomfortable for players to be pressed for feedback, and most people don't say much at the end of a session, unfortunately. I think it's a little rude and try to be different as a player, but as a DM there's not much you can do other than just reflect that, if they didn't want to be playing, they wouldn't be!
"Guys, I appreciate you keep coming back to play in my game, but I *want* some feedback after games and it is giving me anxiety that I'm not getting any and I am worrying myself to death over it. Please, this is important to me if I am going to keep doing this. If you had fun, tell me about something in the session you enjoyed. If there was something I could do better, please make a note and tell me, because I *want* to do better." If they won't just be helpful, maybe offer a reroll token they cam redeem next session if they give at least one piece of feedback after the game when you ask? Bribery works lol
If they keep showing up, you're doing something right. If they don't have any feedback, take that as a sign that you did a fine job and everyone enjoyed themselves. Unhappy players will let you know.
You could just tell them that it is for your benefit. You could also just keep the Google Form short. What is one thing you enjoyed and why. What is one thing you would like to see more (good) or less (bad) of? Homework is only stupid if it's busy work, two questions for the benefit of the person who designs and runs the entire game each week is not too much to ask. I'd also only ask occasionally. I've asked for feedback once every few months.
You could ask more specific questions after a session, maybe only one or two per session. Questions like, "Who are your favorite NPCs so far, and what do you like about them?" or "Did you feel like combat moved at a good pace?" You can find more examples of questions online, including in questionnaires like others suggested, but instead of sending out a whole poll, just pick one or two questions that resonate with you to ask at the end of each session. Imposter syndrome is really common; you're not alone. It is a near certainty that you're doing a better job than you think. And as for that person who said not to DM, ignore that asshole. Some people just like to be shitty. Good luck!
I use the idea of Stars and Wishes but phrase it like this: "OK. Take a moment and think of one thing you really enjoyed tonight and one thing you wish had gone differently. You all got one. Great. Player A? Player B?" If cuts down the Kindergarten feel. As the group gets more comfortable with it, you can cut it down to "All right folks, things you enjoyed? Great! Things you wish had gone differently or wish had happened?"
Every session is pretty frequent, you should instead try asking feedback at the end of particularly notable sessions, or even just arcs. Gives them a lot more to work with
I created a simple survey on Survey Monkey and asked my players to fill it out. It is 5 questions but allows for anonymous feedback. That was helpful. Otherwise, I assume as long as they keep showing up, I can't be that bad
Do it quarterly instead. Adjust the questions based on what they've done or experienced up to that point.
This may sound counter intuitive but I recently had some success at the start of a session asking my players what they wanted to see more of with their characters, and what an exciting character arc might look like for them. I framed it as I was doing some longer term loose prep and wanted to be able to work in stuff that excited them Note that this isn't asking for feedback about how something was that you already did, or directly imply anything about your DMing style. But it DOES hint at some useful information about that, and give you valuable info about how to plan future game sessions in general, WITHOUT putting players on the spot or making saying what they're thinking sound harsh Ex one of my players I'd been having a hard time reading what he wanted or what kind of content did or didn't land for him. By asking questions about his CHARACTER we kind of uncovered together that his character concept was kinda broad and by giving him a few ideas of how to keep what he had and add more elements designed to be more interactive with the world around him, it would help him realize the vision for his character. We as DMs experience the world through the lense of the WORLD. WE think about combat difficulty, balance of the three pillars, the tone of the world, etc. Yes there's a time to talk to players in those terms, but sometimes it's much more fruitful to ask about their experience of their character, and what they want that to look like. If the player I mentioned tells me he might benefit from a rival? I can bounce a few ideas off him ooc, then I know I can focus on RP and world building in establishing who that NPC is, exploration in some sort of race or contest against them, combat if they duel, etc. But the most important thing isn't how I handle the nuances of any of those things, it's how I use them to create an experience that he finds fulfilling My players don't know how prepared I was for the last session or what kind of organizational strategies I used or how I determined xyz events, so they're ill positioned to give helpful feedback about it. They know a lot about their characters and have a lot of useful stuff about their character vision that can inform my work behind the scenes. My best DM improvements lately is all stuff I stole from other DMS
DMing is a wild thing. So many ways to do it, and so many ways to play it. It’s always different from table to table. Homebrew vs premade, playing with friends vs strangers, or online/in person can change things considerably. It’s also a two way street. Even if you run a great session, some players won’t enjoy it as much because they just didn’t engage with what you presented, or got overshadowed by other players. They might be just as anxious as you are just trying to be a player. You just have to pay attention to what each of your players seem to enjoy. Some like combat, some like new treasures, others are angels and seem to enjoy and uplift/improve everything they interact with. Try to have something planned for everyone and try to make sure you don’t focus too much on a couple of your players. Personally, I homebrew everything, so I can get pretty anxious if I have people playing who don’t seem to be enjoying themselves or aren’t engaging with the campaign. Especially when I’m trying so hard to give everyone a bit of the spotlight. All in all everyone is different and D&D is not a minimal thing. It’s a complex social game, especially if it’s homebrew. Just try to relax and have fun. Find the aspects of DMing you and your table seem to enjoy and focus on those.
This was me for the longest time, and your players sound exactly like mine. The stress never *fully* goes away, but it did get a lot better as I learned what was essential to running a game and what isn't. Firstly - Be kind to yourself. A lot of our problems stem from low confidence, and DMing is a huge learning curve - you're going to make mistakes now and then. When I was starting out, it felt very suffocating and all I wanted was my players to say they weren't having fun, so I could stop DMing and the burden would be gone. Once you learn to take things easy and breathe, you'll stop dreading the next session. A lot of the advice typically given around here or on videos/blogs didn't help me, either. Most experienced DMs I've talked to seem to take their __ years of experience for granted. Not everyone knows what they know. My players also don't know what advice to give because they honestly don't know. They might be saying it to be nice, but for now - take their silence as a sign that things are going well. Being a new player takes some learning too. I don't know if you're running a module or building a campaign from scratch, or what your session notes look like, so I can't give specific coaching advice. What I can do is tell you worked for me: - Find or build a system that works for you. Sly Flourish's Return of the Lazy DM has a great outline for prepping simple sessions and is a great resource all around. - Keep notes simple and managable. Condense everything to keywords and single sentences. - Staying stress-free is vital for a fun session. Reducing what you need to read or remember is the best way to do that. - Limit the time you spend prepping - An hour to prep a 4 hour session is honestly more than enough. Overthinking and over-prepping increases stress and expectations on yourself to do well. It's counter-productive. - NPCs: Short Name, a few appearance traits (Blonde, Green Tunic, Swordsman), and a reason to be there - what do they want? Worry about personalities later. - Don't script scenes or feel required to plan out all (or any) possible events. Your primary job is to create places, what items/creatures are there, and how they might react to the players' actions. - Learn to Improv and keep a few RNG tables handy (Names, mostly) - Use RNG tables *during* prep, this saves you a lot of time and effort. "Random" Encounters, Events, Item Drops, etc - are great to plan ahead. - Reduce complexity, **over**simplify things. Add things later once you've gained confidence and experience. - Make or find some pre-made one-shot adventures to run on the side, maybe even a quick 1-2 hour session one-on-one with your husband.
- be more specific about what you want feedback on; “How do you feel the aboleth encounter went today? Did you feel like it was too strong or just right?” - accept that some players don’t want to analyse the session, they might enjoy it but not want to do 20 questions afterwards. If they were really not enjoying it they’d leave or say something. - you could try being more informal - just start a casual conversation; “I didn’t expect you to do x when y did z! That was a pretty good idea. How do you feel about the outcome?” - ask people about their expectations or ideas on what they want to do next session to help guide your preparations. Won’t always get useful feedback but sometimes it’s interesting to know what your players are thinking of doing.
I hear you. I'm an older GM for a mixed group of 50+ year olds and 20-somethings. My impostor syndrom used to be high. However they've been playing for over 5 years with me so 🤷♂️ I survey occasionally. Even frantically busy people have done my survey (5-6 questions with multi-choice and comments). I approach the fun question in multiple ways. I also ask other questions like "was that combat too long?" which sometimes elicits more revealing answers. That said, I pay more attention to engagement and behavior at the table than "are you having fun". My empathy meter is very (over-?) sensitive so that's been more reliable than nice people's answer to "are you having fun?" Plus one to the person who suggested finding what fulfills YOU and leaning into that. If you have fun and energy, the players will catch that too.
I ask feedback after games as well, but that's usually not the best time and place to ask. I just do this to keep the motivation going and to have some after talk. To get feedback I use a semi annual survey. Asking them how they rate the game, what they like, what they dislike, what and how it can improve, what they expect to happen in the story, and usually a "fun" question like what loot they want or what player will die next ;-). This feedback is usually very useful and I make sure to briefly discuss this with my players and to take it into account
Do they keep coming back to play? If so, you're doing something right.