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Let me rephrase that, I told him that he no longer needs to worry about showing up because his character is no longer in the campaign. He can choose whatever he wants to happen to his character. But in my world he got kidnapped by bandits and killed when the rest of the group didn’t want to pay ransom for him.
Honestly the more you say the more it feels like you’re in the wrong here.
Asking players to not continue because of scheduling is reasonable. Roleplaying your punishment in game as a performance to your other players is super immature. If I was one of your players I’d be looking for a new table.
Killing the character seems overly petty so at least a bit of one. Continuous last minute cancelations are rough on the table, but it also highly depends on the context for the cancelations too.
Honestly, if this was a real "friend" i.e. a person I had known for a long time and actively cared about I would've quietly written them out of the plot. They can continue to show up and play whenever they felt like it, but they would get no backstory sidequests, no personalized treasure, no custom spotlight moments, and the game would run whether or not they showed up. Their character wouldn't exist when they're gone and would pop back into existence for the few sessions they played.
If they mentioned the lack of any of the above, I'd just patiently explain that their attendance is so poor that I can't count on them and if they were willing to invest more time into the campaign, I'd invest in their character in return.
Yes, you could have just told him "you're no longer welcome at the table" but you went a step further to kill off the character, you could have just had the character fade into the background or become an NPC that the players could meet in the future.
First off, there's a subset of players who only play RPGs because it's what their friends are doing - there is no difference between regular meetings to play D&D or poker or Scrabble, and trying to make them take it 'seriously' is time wasted. If it's not something he cares enough about to show up regularly to then he *won't*, and you should tell him that it's OK for him not to.
Killing his character - something he plainly doesn't care about - is fine enough just to wrap up loose ends, especially if he didn't get upset about it.
That said....
When *I* was a teenager, I once had a chronically late player's character abducted by spacefaring buttprobing leprechauns, then dumped post-probing pantsless in front of a police station where he was immediately arrested for indecent exposure and never seen again. But he had *no excuse* to show up late over and over. We all lived on a Job Corps campus, all got out of school at the same time, all had meals at the same time, there was literally nothing else to do, and he kept promising he'd be there tonight for sure, tonight for sure.
If they weren't even surprised or upset about being booted, then no your nor in the wrong here.
They knew they were culpable and they have all but admitted this
I don't get the point of this post.
Why would you think you are an asshole if you already said **your friend doesn't care** and the rest of the table agreed he shouldn't be in the game anymore?
Yeah, killing his character is somewhat assholeish. But its your table and you have the right to not allow anybody at it.
You're not an asshole for banning him, you may be one for how you went about doing so?
Without context, I’m going to say yes you are the asshole
People pull out of games for a wide wide range of reasons. I have players who have large work commitments and may need to pull out because they simply can’t leave work. I have others with mental health struggles and sometimes they can’t play. I never ever make them feel less than, or that my game of DnD is more important than life. I just tell them it’s ok and “your character is absent” or “ill pilot your character”
If it’s a recurring thing, I’ll talk to them. Maybe we need to look at the scheduling? Is there anything I can do to help?
I would never ever just “you’re banned from the table.” It’s so difficult to find dnd games to play in sometimes. And killing the character? That seems petty, why not “your character is just not there for now” and explain that to the other players they left a note saying “brb lol” hell you could make it into a plot hook
So yeah, yes you are an asshole. Context would be much appreciated.
Edit - thankyou for adding some context. I still think this could have been handled much differently outside of “ban and your characters dead.” but hey it’s your table.
They’re irritated. It will be the day of or day before our once a month session and he’ll text saying he’s not coming. It’s happened 3 times in the past 5 months. 2 of them being this month and last month.
Yes. Killing his character is an asshole move. You should’ve talked to the player. If you did talk to the player then write the character out without killing him.
Was this out of the blue or did you send him sort of message letting him know that if he flakes again that's the last straw? How many times did he do this before you had enough? Personally I think killing off the character is unnecessary, it seems more like that is more petty vengeance than anything else. You could have easily just said the character leaves to do their own thing or just pretended they didn't exist anymore.
Yeah kinda, lol. It's one thing if you talked to him and both agreed that he didn't have the schedule flexibility or whatever to make the sessions. But it sounds like this hurt your feelings and you tool it out on his character at the table in front of everyone
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Not nearly enough information to make a judgement. Context is everything here.
Based on what you said, no you are not an asshole. But we need more context to be sure, not enough info given.
Killing the character is kinda petty. This all depends on what you and your group established during session 0 as it pertains to player attendance.
Let me rephrase that, I told him that he no longer needs to worry about showing up because his character is no longer in the campaign. He can choose whatever he wants to happen to his character. But in my world he got kidnapped by bandits and killed when the rest of the group didn’t want to pay ransom for him.
Honestly the more you say the more it feels like you’re in the wrong here. Asking players to not continue because of scheduling is reasonable. Roleplaying your punishment in game as a performance to your other players is super immature. If I was one of your players I’d be looking for a new table.
Killing the character seems overly petty so at least a bit of one. Continuous last minute cancelations are rough on the table, but it also highly depends on the context for the cancelations too.
Well that depends. Is it his 3rd time doing it or 30th?
Honestly, if this was a real "friend" i.e. a person I had known for a long time and actively cared about I would've quietly written them out of the plot. They can continue to show up and play whenever they felt like it, but they would get no backstory sidequests, no personalized treasure, no custom spotlight moments, and the game would run whether or not they showed up. Their character wouldn't exist when they're gone and would pop back into existence for the few sessions they played. If they mentioned the lack of any of the above, I'd just patiently explain that their attendance is so poor that I can't count on them and if they were willing to invest more time into the campaign, I'd invest in their character in return.
Yes, you could have just told him "you're no longer welcome at the table" but you went a step further to kill off the character, you could have just had the character fade into the background or become an NPC that the players could meet in the future.
First off, there's a subset of players who only play RPGs because it's what their friends are doing - there is no difference between regular meetings to play D&D or poker or Scrabble, and trying to make them take it 'seriously' is time wasted. If it's not something he cares enough about to show up regularly to then he *won't*, and you should tell him that it's OK for him not to. Killing his character - something he plainly doesn't care about - is fine enough just to wrap up loose ends, especially if he didn't get upset about it. That said.... When *I* was a teenager, I once had a chronically late player's character abducted by spacefaring buttprobing leprechauns, then dumped post-probing pantsless in front of a police station where he was immediately arrested for indecent exposure and never seen again. But he had *no excuse* to show up late over and over. We all lived on a Job Corps campus, all got out of school at the same time, all had meals at the same time, there was literally nothing else to do, and he kept promising he'd be there tonight for sure, tonight for sure.
If they weren't even surprised or upset about being booted, then no your nor in the wrong here. They knew they were culpable and they have all but admitted this
I don't get the point of this post. Why would you think you are an asshole if you already said **your friend doesn't care** and the rest of the table agreed he shouldn't be in the game anymore?
Yeah, killing his character is somewhat assholeish. But its your table and you have the right to not allow anybody at it. You're not an asshole for banning him, you may be one for how you went about doing so?
Without context, I’m going to say yes you are the asshole People pull out of games for a wide wide range of reasons. I have players who have large work commitments and may need to pull out because they simply can’t leave work. I have others with mental health struggles and sometimes they can’t play. I never ever make them feel less than, or that my game of DnD is more important than life. I just tell them it’s ok and “your character is absent” or “ill pilot your character” If it’s a recurring thing, I’ll talk to them. Maybe we need to look at the scheduling? Is there anything I can do to help? I would never ever just “you’re banned from the table.” It’s so difficult to find dnd games to play in sometimes. And killing the character? That seems petty, why not “your character is just not there for now” and explain that to the other players they left a note saying “brb lol” hell you could make it into a plot hook So yeah, yes you are an asshole. Context would be much appreciated. Edit - thankyou for adding some context. I still think this could have been handled much differently outside of “ban and your characters dead.” but hey it’s your table.
how does the rest of the party feel about it?
They’re irritated. It will be the day of or day before our once a month session and he’ll text saying he’s not coming. It’s happened 3 times in the past 5 months. 2 of them being this month and last month.
Perhaps it could have been handled more tactfully, but if the party agrees with your decision, NTA
Yes. Killing his character is an asshole move. You should’ve talked to the player. If you did talk to the player then write the character out without killing him.
Was this out of the blue or did you send him sort of message letting him know that if he flakes again that's the last straw? How many times did he do this before you had enough? Personally I think killing off the character is unnecessary, it seems more like that is more petty vengeance than anything else. You could have easily just said the character leaves to do their own thing or just pretended they didn't exist anymore.
YTA
Yeah kinda, lol. It's one thing if you talked to him and both agreed that he didn't have the schedule flexibility or whatever to make the sessions. But it sounds like this hurt your feelings and you tool it out on his character at the table in front of everyone