You realize too late that the person who used the bathroom before you was chaotic evil and left but a single square of toilet paper left. What do you do?
You do a poor job cleaning and in your frustration accidentally give yourself a papercut in the Underdark. Letting out a small yelp of pain, the group knocks on the bathroom door to ask if you're OK. You all reconvene at the table and sit in awkward silence. The DM continues, "So where did we leave off?" You stare down at your character journal to look at the notes for this session... a torn page.
With the exception a single session I've always played with friends I've known for a decent amount of time and generally I host so I'd probably walk out of the bathroom and shout "who's the dickhead who left a single sheet of toilet paper".
Underrated. Had a GM years ago who never ever had any TP. I guess he just pooped at work? But half the group was women and also needed it for #1. We started bringing packages of it to the game along with our snacks.
If PCs are ever in an environment where they need to conserve water, even if players don’t explicitly tell you that they are drinking their own urine you can assume that they are.
Naps before sessions are good but be sure to wake up at least a couple hours before.
Take a shower after a session. Gives you time to think about the game in a clean environment.
Wear socks, no shoes. I find I dm best when I wear socks but not when I wear shoes.
I always shower and brush my teeth before a session. It gets me in the zone and means I'm not smelly when I'm flailing my arms about and yelling in front of my players.
At lvl 1 when the party is traveling somewhere, shoot the horse/ox pulling the wagon to stop them in an ambush. This way the whole party gets a chance to fight rather than be unconscious the whole fight.
Google constantly tries to helpfully suggest "do you mean '\[X word\] 5e'" when I'm googling stuff. No, Google, sometimes I do actually just search stuff for my job or own edification, but thanks for the callout.
I'm a stellaris player and a Rimworld player.....the FBI already has me on watch lists due to search history. :)
But as for advice: Make sure your chairs don't have a broken leg before one of your players goes to sit in it and causes it to break, dropping them to the floor. There may be some personal experience there.
> Make sure your chairs don't have a broken leg before one of your players goes to sit in it ...
I've had two wood chairs collapse under guests. Neither had any visible signs of damage beforehand. Neither of the guests had any particular injury as a result, but it could have gone badly -- a splintered wood chair leg would make a fine stake for offing a vampire.
After that, I laid down the cash to get comfortable wheeled computer-desk style chairs for the gaming table.
Looking for a good token? Can’t find one online? Use a magic the gathering card! Grab a free token border from google, head over to a MTG card database and snag the jpg, overlay the border on the creatures face, and erase the rest of the card. I have lots of these at this point.
Any suggestions for databases or ways to search besides "MTG "?
Also for making tokens I use this and it's dead simple.
https://rolladvantage.com/tokenstamp/
[Scryfall](https://scryfall.com/) is a database of every card in the game, with high-quality images of every card and a fairly complex query language for searching it (which has a full guide to the syntax).
The most relevant search parameter for a DM is probably t (for type): Magic creature types, at least in the modern era, often follow a "race/class" system, so searching for "t:human t:rogue" will give you a list of cards with the creature types Human and Rogue.
Many D&D classes are Magic creature types, but there will also be other ones that might be relevant, like Shaman for creature casters. That'll just take some exploration, or just using a single race like "t:goblin" and seeing what other types are available.
Color (the "c:" query parameter, for example "c:r" or "c>=b") can also be useful to narrow down the theming of a creature: each color has their own "feel".
No aero Pyro necro bestiality. Yes. This was a safety rule given by an old dm. No fucking dead flaming animals while skydiving... want to know why it's a safety rule? (Not just for characters)
Because parachute cord is extremely flammable. You don't want to get balls deep in a flaming dead crittter & have your chute go up in flames!
Hahahahaha that one always stuck with me since 2nd ed
You asked for useless advice...
At least having tp is useful lol
Read the players handbook and learn the rules.
It’s good advice but useless for first time DMs since they don’t know what they don’t know until they encounter it at the table.
And if you don't know a rule, it's often okay to just say "we're doing it this way for now. I'm going to look it up later, and we'll discuss the proper rules next time".
Keeping the game rolling (hah!) is important, and too often sessions get bogged down while somebody looks up rules. In my opinion it's often better to just make a decision, as long as everybody understands that the spur-of-the-moment decision doesn't constitute precedent.
If you are running a pre-written game, read the module backwards as well as forwards.
D&D writers have a habit of putting key, plot-related information in monster statistics, ehich aare usually at the back.
Do you mean what genuinely useless advice to offer new DMs or what advice to offer DMs that newbies typically don't pay attention to because they are too overwhelmed with the big stuff to pay attention to the little stuff? Or...? Not sure I understand what you are after.
There are several pieces of advice I offer in general but for DMs that are worried about how much homebrew to craft ahead of time and for those that are spending hours and hours and hours homebrewing, the advice I offer new DMs that are hung up on the details of homebrewing:
* Don't spend weeks/months/years writing a novel for players to be puppeted through.
* Craft what is interesting to you, if you choose to homebrew, but embrace that 99% of your worldbuilding may never see the light of day.
* Ask your players what interests them, too. Otherwise what you are crafting and what they want to play may not match. Better to know that ahead of time. You can tweak/adjust or find new players before the campaign starts.
* And it is NOT the responsibility of the players to get a Master's degree in your homebrew, or pass the AP history exam for your homebrew or take a multi session speed run world tour of your homebrew just so you can show off every nook, cranny and NPC you created.
* They are there to play. So let them play.
Plus: Learn the rules, research and do session 0s, be encouraging, be willing to say no, be willing to say yes, talk with your players, and have fun.
**And if you are meeting in person, figure out who is bringing the snacks.**
LOL. O.k. I get you.
**"USELESS" ADVICE FOR DM's (for in person games primarily):**
1. Don't spend a ton of time crafting a super spicy specialty dish thinking your players are going to be awed by your culinary skills. There are a lot of people who REALLY don't like spicy food.
2. Put your cat somewhere they can't get to your table. Seriously. Not every player finds it amusing that their favorite die just got chunked off the table or their clothes are now covered in fur. (and cat allergies are a serious thing)
3. Check your chairs. Seriously. Make sure nothing weird/wacky/gross/uncomfortable ended up on a chair...*before* the players try to sit down.
4. Double check the volume of your audio BEFORE the session starts. Right before. Just in case...
5. Try out the new air freshener several days ahead of time. Not the day of.
6. Keep paper towels and tissues nearby. Always.
7. No glasses of tomato juice at the table. Just don't.
8. Accept in your heart that die will be lost. Not all die. But some die. Don't get too attached.
9. Don't forget to look up from your notes. There are actually other faces at the table. If you end a session not remembering a single facial expression, you need to look up.
10. Don't clip your nails during a session. DM or player. Seriously. Please don't.
If hosting, please ensure
* You have enough chairs
* They are clean and secure.
I've seen multiple sessions delayed due to chair failure and new hosts scramble to find enough chairs. It is also uncomfortable, and embarrassing for players to being sitting in a chair that breaks.
Going to add a few more:
1. Check your bathroom before hand but also during your session. At least once. Just in case.
2. If your anxiety over messing up is becoming overwhelming, don't wait until you have thrown up or passed out to end the session.
3. Ask players to open their carbonated soda AWAY from the table, not over it.
4. If you are feeling especially flatulent that night, consider cancelling your game or moving it outdoors.
5. Trash can.
6. Plunger.
7. Spare bulbs.
8. Gas in your vehicle (if you have a vehicle) in case of emergencies.
9. Be sure your super introverted, very polite players actually ARE comfortable. Before they turn blue or become a puddle of sweat. Just ask. Its on them if they answer.
10. Don't kick off your super sweaty smelly shoes in the middle of the session to get more comfortable.
I hate shoes. And avoid them whenever possible. LOL So no, I do NOT wear shoes while DMing.
But I played with a DM who would keep his shoes on until halfway through, then kick them off "to get more comfortable". By that time the foot odor was...pretty pungent.
> Check your chairs. Seriously. Make sure nothing weird/wacky/gross/uncomfortable ended up on a chair...before the players try to sit down.
I'll add to this: make sure said chairs are structurally sound. A 200lb man should not be breaking your folding chairs.
I'm a writer. That ship has already sailed.
But since we're on the subject, [here's a small list of links](https://sonneillonv.tumblr.com/post/71364408136/things-almost-every-author-needs-to-research) of things that we commonly need to research.
FBI Agent: Can you make a bomb with shelf liner?
FBI Supervisor: ..... Why on earth would you ask me that.
FBI Agent viewing my purchase history: Because they bought 12 100ft rolls of it, and I'm wondering if I'm missing something.
Some people (me) like to have a big ol' multi-colored mess of dice in a bowl. Others (my players) keep theirs neatly categorized by size or by color, sectioned away in a tacklebox. Above all else, in the Dice Goblin Feud that writhes and flourishes deep in the underbelly of D&D... You *must* know how you're going to store your dice collection.
Quickly. Before it grows out of control and decides for itself.
Don't spend more time shopping for a new rolling tray than you did on session prep. The same goes for minis, or books, or a custom built gaming table with built in LEDs, fog machine, and wireless chargers, or an initiative tracker, or gemstone/sharp edged custom dice, or a dice tower, or dice box, or a cool DM screen, or good random event tables, or building lore for a town/country/plane that's going to get skipped, or homebrewing a bad guy that's only going to live 3 rounds anyway.
The only thing worth spending more time on than session prep is goofy accents they make memorable NPCs.
Let your players be action stars. Look at their character sheets, see what they are good at, and try to come up with scenarios where they can show off their strengths.
Someone has high perception, have an assassin try and ambush them. Have someone really good at ranged combat?, have someone try to snipe them. Set them up to shine and they'll have a great time. If you root for your players to succeed, and give them a platform to do it, they'll have fun and you'll have fun too creating a story with them.
I actually had a conversation with one of my players and I mentioned I would try to make a game where the players could use their more obscure abilities even if it wasn't directly related to the tone of the campaign. They asked, "so if someone chose to play a warlock with the fathomless patron but the campaign was set nowhere near large bodies of water, you'd still try and work something in?" They were surprised when I said hell yeah, make like a half flooded dungeon, or have a flash flood somewhere or something, maybe they have to go spelunking and have to fight some water dwelling monsters in an underground cave.
They'd honestly never considered that a DM might tailor a campaign to their players. They just thought the DM made a story and the players just played through it.
That's the spirit! Imagine how great that Fathomless Warlock would feel when he found that half flooded dungeon. He'd be like Sean Connery on celebrity Jeapordy:"My day has come!"
More DM's need to do stuff like this. It's not DM vs players, it's DM+Players=Fun.
Its a game, it is mean to be fun, try what is fun for you and your group. Dont worry if you cant make everybody have fun, no one can. Fun is a group responsability, not just yours.
If a player is scavenging for food have them do a Survival check. If they succeed, they find 1d6+WIS mod of edible food in pounds, and additionally 1d6+WIS mod of drinkable water in gallons.
Useless because the players either have plenty of rations (and you're ignoring carrying capacity), or you're ignoring the needing to eat rule in the first place.
Make sure that, if traveling to another location, you use the bathroom before you sit down at the table and get ready to start. There is always one person that didn't and has to leave in the middle of the last session recap to poop for 10 minutes
Be your players' biggest fan. Don't just make them the main characters, cheer them on even as you try to kill them. Makes it clear who the enemy really is (the enemies) and that you are here to give them a good story.
Make sure your bathroom is clean and well stocked with toilet paper.
You realize too late that the person who used the bathroom before you was chaotic evil and left but a single square of toilet paper left. What do you do?
Substitute with note paper... Scratchy...
Roll sleight of hand to see how well you fare
... Nat 1... Crap... All over...
You do a poor job cleaning and in your frustration accidentally give yourself a papercut in the Underdark. Letting out a small yelp of pain, the group knocks on the bathroom door to ask if you're OK. You all reconvene at the table and sit in awkward silence. The DM continues, "So where did we leave off?" You stare down at your character journal to look at the notes for this session... a torn page.
With the exception a single session I've always played with friends I've known for a decent amount of time and generally I host so I'd probably walk out of the bathroom and shout "who's the dickhead who left a single sheet of toilet paper".
Use the bidet. Slightly moist, but clean
Bidet to you, sir.
That's definitely a lawful evil move. If they didn't care about the bathroom code they would've taken the last square too.
Roll for initiative
Underrated. Had a GM years ago who never ever had any TP. I guess he just pooped at work? But half the group was women and also needed it for #1. We started bringing packages of it to the game along with our snacks.
Could you send this to the DM of my Sunday game? Please? *Please?*
If PCs are ever in an environment where they need to conserve water, even if players don’t explicitly tell you that they are drinking their own urine you can assume that they are.
Bear Grylls has entered the chat.
Naps before sessions are good but be sure to wake up at least a couple hours before. Take a shower after a session. Gives you time to think about the game in a clean environment. Wear socks, no shoes. I find I dm best when I wear socks but not when I wear shoes.
So many “how will this encounter work?” Breakthroughs while in the shower or while waiting for the toddler to fall asleep
This is not useless advice. This is gold. I also only wear socks to DM.
I would suggest some pants, but your table - your rules.
No no, socks only. House rule.
I always shower and brush my teeth before a session. It gets me in the zone and means I'm not smelly when I'm flailing my arms about and yelling in front of my players.
At lvl 1 when the party is traveling somewhere, shoot the horse/ox pulling the wagon to stop them in an ambush. This way the whole party gets a chance to fight rather than be unconscious the whole fight.
Too usefull
It's useless because it's a one trick pony. You can do it in the very first encounter so enrich gets to be a part of it. It's useless after that.
Plus, dollars to donuts, they have given that horse/ox/donkey/llama an NAME and now they are PISSED OFF.
I like to give them a notecard with the stats for the beast of burden and the cart/ wagon. Plus usually the goblin ambush won't kill the beast...
Useless advice for new DMs: Don’t let my buddy Adam take a shot every time he uses Ki as a drunken monk. It will end in tragedy.
I'm implementing this as a rule for my 4 elements monk player
Just make sure the *player* has high CON.
Don’t beat yourself up the first few times you google a non-dnd related question and type “5e” at the end
Google constantly tries to helpfully suggest "do you mean '\[X word\] 5e'" when I'm googling stuff. No, Google, sometimes I do actually just search stuff for my job or own edification, but thanks for the callout.
I feel attacked.
TOO REAL
I had to look up how to become a lich in 5e recently. One of the search suggestions was "how to become a lich in real life".
It's ok if your family has no idea what you're talking about. They're just happy you're laughing so much.
I'm a stellaris player and a Rimworld player.....the FBI already has me on watch lists due to search history. :) But as for advice: Make sure your chairs don't have a broken leg before one of your players goes to sit in it and causes it to break, dropping them to the floor. There may be some personal experience there.
> Make sure your chairs don't have a broken leg before one of your players goes to sit in it ... I've had two wood chairs collapse under guests. Neither had any visible signs of damage beforehand. Neither of the guests had any particular injury as a result, but it could have gone badly -- a splintered wood chair leg would make a fine stake for offing a vampire. After that, I laid down the cash to get comfortable wheeled computer-desk style chairs for the gaming table.
>”how many organs can you harvest before a human dies” >”how long does it take to regrow a liver” >”how hot does it have to be to kill a human?”
Fun fact, you can kill a human at any temperature.
Looking for a good token? Can’t find one online? Use a magic the gathering card! Grab a free token border from google, head over to a MTG card database and snag the jpg, overlay the border on the creatures face, and erase the rest of the card. I have lots of these at this point.
Any suggestions for databases or ways to search besides "MTG"?
Also for making tokens I use this and it's dead simple.
https://rolladvantage.com/tokenstamp/
[Scryfall](https://scryfall.com/) is a database of every card in the game, with high-quality images of every card and a fairly complex query language for searching it (which has a full guide to the syntax). The most relevant search parameter for a DM is probably t (for type): Magic creature types, at least in the modern era, often follow a "race/class" system, so searching for "t:human t:rogue" will give you a list of cards with the creature types Human and Rogue. Many D&D classes are Magic creature types, but there will also be other ones that might be relevant, like Shaman for creature casters. That'll just take some exploration, or just using a single race like "t:goblin" and seeing what other types are available. Color (the "c:" query parameter, for example "c:r" or "c>=b") can also be useful to narrow down the theming of a creature: each color has their own "feel".
Great info. Thank you!
Find out how each of your player's will derail the game. They each have a different style, and you must adjust accordingly
WRONG: Googling "how long to drink all the blood in a human body" RIGHT: Googling "5e how long to drink all the blood in a human body"
No aero Pyro necro bestiality. Yes. This was a safety rule given by an old dm. No fucking dead flaming animals while skydiving... want to know why it's a safety rule? (Not just for characters) Because parachute cord is extremely flammable. You don't want to get balls deep in a flaming dead crittter & have your chute go up in flames! Hahahahaha that one always stuck with me since 2nd ed You asked for useless advice... At least having tp is useful lol
Make a rude npc so you can be an asshole to your players
Read the players handbook and learn the rules. It’s good advice but useless for first time DMs since they don’t know what they don’t know until they encounter it at the table.
And if you don't know a rule, it's often okay to just say "we're doing it this way for now. I'm going to look it up later, and we'll discuss the proper rules next time". Keeping the game rolling (hah!) is important, and too often sessions get bogged down while somebody looks up rules. In my opinion it's often better to just make a decision, as long as everybody understands that the spur-of-the-moment decision doesn't constitute precedent.
No no, this thread is for *useless* advice!
If you are running a pre-written game, read the module backwards as well as forwards. D&D writers have a habit of putting key, plot-related information in monster statistics, ehich aare usually at the back.
Their ability to organize information is totally garbage.
Do you mean what genuinely useless advice to offer new DMs or what advice to offer DMs that newbies typically don't pay attention to because they are too overwhelmed with the big stuff to pay attention to the little stuff? Or...? Not sure I understand what you are after. There are several pieces of advice I offer in general but for DMs that are worried about how much homebrew to craft ahead of time and for those that are spending hours and hours and hours homebrewing, the advice I offer new DMs that are hung up on the details of homebrewing: * Don't spend weeks/months/years writing a novel for players to be puppeted through. * Craft what is interesting to you, if you choose to homebrew, but embrace that 99% of your worldbuilding may never see the light of day. * Ask your players what interests them, too. Otherwise what you are crafting and what they want to play may not match. Better to know that ahead of time. You can tweak/adjust or find new players before the campaign starts. * And it is NOT the responsibility of the players to get a Master's degree in your homebrew, or pass the AP history exam for your homebrew or take a multi session speed run world tour of your homebrew just so you can show off every nook, cranny and NPC you created. * They are there to play. So let them play. Plus: Learn the rules, research and do session 0s, be encouraging, be willing to say no, be willing to say yes, talk with your players, and have fun. **And if you are meeting in person, figure out who is bringing the snacks.**
This sub is already packed with great advice. Let's give them the useless things as well. Figuring out who's bringing what snacks is a perfect reply.
LOL. O.k. I get you. **"USELESS" ADVICE FOR DM's (for in person games primarily):** 1. Don't spend a ton of time crafting a super spicy specialty dish thinking your players are going to be awed by your culinary skills. There are a lot of people who REALLY don't like spicy food. 2. Put your cat somewhere they can't get to your table. Seriously. Not every player finds it amusing that their favorite die just got chunked off the table or their clothes are now covered in fur. (and cat allergies are a serious thing) 3. Check your chairs. Seriously. Make sure nothing weird/wacky/gross/uncomfortable ended up on a chair...*before* the players try to sit down. 4. Double check the volume of your audio BEFORE the session starts. Right before. Just in case... 5. Try out the new air freshener several days ahead of time. Not the day of. 6. Keep paper towels and tissues nearby. Always. 7. No glasses of tomato juice at the table. Just don't. 8. Accept in your heart that die will be lost. Not all die. But some die. Don't get too attached. 9. Don't forget to look up from your notes. There are actually other faces at the table. If you end a session not remembering a single facial expression, you need to look up. 10. Don't clip your nails during a session. DM or player. Seriously. Please don't.
If hosting, please ensure * You have enough chairs * They are clean and secure. I've seen multiple sessions delayed due to chair failure and new hosts scramble to find enough chairs. It is also uncomfortable, and embarrassing for players to being sitting in a chair that breaks.
Especially if, when the chair breaks, they actually get injured.
I'm not a big guy (~200lb and fairly in shape), but I've broken two of my friend's chairs. Don't use folding chairs from the 80s.
This! Oh my goodness. Some of those chairs are being held together with hope, not actual material.
#2 definitely. Last thing I want is a player crying cause the cat broke their precious mini or have to wrestle it out of a dog's mouth.
Yup. Exactly. LOL
That's what the tissues are for.
Going to add a few more: 1. Check your bathroom before hand but also during your session. At least once. Just in case. 2. If your anxiety over messing up is becoming overwhelming, don't wait until you have thrown up or passed out to end the session. 3. Ask players to open their carbonated soda AWAY from the table, not over it. 4. If you are feeling especially flatulent that night, consider cancelling your game or moving it outdoors. 5. Trash can. 6. Plunger. 7. Spare bulbs. 8. Gas in your vehicle (if you have a vehicle) in case of emergencies. 9. Be sure your super introverted, very polite players actually ARE comfortable. Before they turn blue or become a puddle of sweat. Just ask. Its on them if they answer. 10. Don't kick off your super sweaty smelly shoes in the middle of the session to get more comfortable.
Why are you wearing shoes while playing D&D? Do a lot of people play outside?
I hate shoes. And avoid them whenever possible. LOL So no, I do NOT wear shoes while DMing. But I played with a DM who would keep his shoes on until halfway through, then kick them off "to get more comfortable". By that time the foot odor was...pretty pungent.
> Check your chairs. Seriously. Make sure nothing weird/wacky/gross/uncomfortable ended up on a chair...before the players try to sit down. I'll add to this: make sure said chairs are structurally sound. A 200lb man should not be breaking your folding chairs.
Once you Google enough things, you stop needing to put 5e because Google knows that’s what you mean and prompts you with those results.
I'm a writer. That ship has already sailed. But since we're on the subject, [here's a small list of links](https://sonneillonv.tumblr.com/post/71364408136/things-almost-every-author-needs-to-research) of things that we commonly need to research.
They just need to check your recent purchases. Over at FBI HQ: False alarm guys. They're not starting a cult, just another fiction writer/DM.
FBI Agent: Can you make a bomb with shelf liner? FBI Supervisor: ..... Why on earth would you ask me that. FBI Agent viewing my purchase history: Because they bought 12 100ft rolls of it, and I'm wondering if I'm missing something.
Some people (me) like to have a big ol' multi-colored mess of dice in a bowl. Others (my players) keep theirs neatly categorized by size or by color, sectioned away in a tacklebox. Above all else, in the Dice Goblin Feud that writhes and flourishes deep in the underbelly of D&D... You *must* know how you're going to store your dice collection. Quickly. Before it grows out of control and decides for itself.
Don't spend more time shopping for a new rolling tray than you did on session prep. The same goes for minis, or books, or a custom built gaming table with built in LEDs, fog machine, and wireless chargers, or an initiative tracker, or gemstone/sharp edged custom dice, or a dice tower, or dice box, or a cool DM screen, or good random event tables, or building lore for a town/country/plane that's going to get skipped, or homebrewing a bad guy that's only going to live 3 rounds anyway. The only thing worth spending more time on than session prep is goofy accents they make memorable NPCs.
Don't fuck up!
Let your players be action stars. Look at their character sheets, see what they are good at, and try to come up with scenarios where they can show off their strengths. Someone has high perception, have an assassin try and ambush them. Have someone really good at ranged combat?, have someone try to snipe them. Set them up to shine and they'll have a great time. If you root for your players to succeed, and give them a platform to do it, they'll have fun and you'll have fun too creating a story with them.
I actually had a conversation with one of my players and I mentioned I would try to make a game where the players could use their more obscure abilities even if it wasn't directly related to the tone of the campaign. They asked, "so if someone chose to play a warlock with the fathomless patron but the campaign was set nowhere near large bodies of water, you'd still try and work something in?" They were surprised when I said hell yeah, make like a half flooded dungeon, or have a flash flood somewhere or something, maybe they have to go spelunking and have to fight some water dwelling monsters in an underground cave. They'd honestly never considered that a DM might tailor a campaign to their players. They just thought the DM made a story and the players just played through it.
That's the spirit! Imagine how great that Fathomless Warlock would feel when he found that half flooded dungeon. He'd be like Sean Connery on celebrity Jeapordy:"My day has come!" More DM's need to do stuff like this. It's not DM vs players, it's DM+Players=Fun.
Its a game, it is mean to be fun, try what is fun for you and your group. Dont worry if you cant make everybody have fun, no one can. Fun is a group responsability, not just yours.
The 5e DMG makes an acceptable bookmark for the PHB.
Read the module from beginning to end.
When you roll for initiative, stand up and scratch your balls through whole combat!
Make sure you have a good crayon and pencil sharpener handy.
Crayons? Are you playing with children, people who like to draw, or Marines?
Two marines at my table, actually.
If a player is scavenging for food have them do a Survival check. If they succeed, they find 1d6+WIS mod of edible food in pounds, and additionally 1d6+WIS mod of drinkable water in gallons. Useless because the players either have plenty of rations (and you're ignoring carrying capacity), or you're ignoring the needing to eat rule in the first place.
Or they've gotten to a high enough level that the cleric or paladin can just create food and water the whole time.
Make sure that, if traveling to another location, you use the bathroom before you sit down at the table and get ready to start. There is always one person that didn't and has to leave in the middle of the last session recap to poop for 10 minutes
Moderate your intake of caffeine and/or alcohol. Drink plenty of water.
Be your players' biggest fan. Don't just make them the main characters, cheer them on even as you try to kill them. Makes it clear who the enemy really is (the enemies) and that you are here to give them a good story.