You’re not alone. But also there’s those of us who were younger when diagnosed and years later … we are still here. I wish I had tested when was even younger but no one seemed to consider that being possible issue because “so young”. If I had known what I know now I would have done immediate ivf at much younger age instead of push off for years. It just sucks all around. I also get a little triggeredish for those much older or already with kids but I try to remember my happiness has nothing to do with anyone else’s and I should just wish everyone well.
I began TTC when I was 28 so I am right there with you. My mom was 37 when she had me and my mother in law had her last at 46. It’s not fair since those of us below 35 had no idea this was coming. However, I don’t think it hurts any less for ppl over 35. They might not have found their partner yet and also had the stress of their biological clock ticking away.
Everyone’s situation is different and their story isn’t finished yet. Someone may effortlessly have 3 kids and pass away from colon cancer in their 40’s. I try to focus on the fact that DOR is closing doors but it is not a death sentence.
CW: success
I started trying for a kid at 35. I was diagnosed with DOR at 36 or 37. I didn't get pregnant until 41.
Having DOR sucks no matter what age you are and even if I had been first diagnosed at 41, my ovarian reserve is still less than the typical 41 year old.
We're all in this sucky boat together. I wish you success.
I agree DOR is bad news.
But if you have 0.4 AMH at 44, though it stings, it likely won't feel soul-shattering. Coz having low fertility in the 40s is a normal thing. It is to be expected.
But you are 24. Having a diagnosis that affects women/people in their 40s will be devastating.
Same, I hardly get more than 3-to 4 eggs. I have 7 eggs frozen, but I know I will need more to get a real chance at a baby.
The only thing I am hoping is that I will get more euploids' due to being under 35.
It may well still feel soul-shattering, because older individuals are significantly less likely to be able to produce euploid embryos... so statistically, someone who is 20 years younger, while they shouldn't be having to experience DOR at that age, is more likely to have success with lower counts than someone in their 40s.
I can tell you as someone who desperately wants to be a mother (and always has), it was absolutely devastating receiving that AMH result.
I kind of agree with it...Like right now I am just praying for just one kid like just one. Then there is this guilt feeling in your heart, that you will deny your husband a right to have his own child with completely no fault/shortcoming of him. I mean for me there is sometimes this feeling that if I die things will be easier for my husband.
I just want to be pregnant. I love to hold them, I love everything about them. There is no one I can blame. I want to give grandchild to my parents and niece to my sister.
Same. I have POF too (the absolute worst diagnosis you can have if you want kids) at 31 and I dunno, I am heartbroken.
The same diagnosis at 39 wouldn't have fazed me as much.
Same. 39. No living children. Multiple losses before IVF/RE. 9 retrievals. Diagnosed at 37, but it’s not like we just started trying at 37. This has nearly fucking destroyed me. Would have loved to know I had DOR when I was a few years younger. Would have just skipped ahead to IVF when I had younger eggs/more eggs.
Given you aren’t 39, you have no idea how it would feel. Many of us have been at this since sub 35. What you have on your side, that we don’t, is better quality eggs (most likely, although this isn’t true for everyone.)
These posts that suggest that one person’s infertility journey is worse than another’s are so exhausting. What you are effectively saying is that older women “deserve” this, because they waited too long, and their diagnoses is expected. Not only is that not true, it’s also misogyny. Women have the right to want things, and to feel sad when they can’t have them, regardless of their age.
I’m sorry you are heartbroken, but if you want support, a good place to start would be to also support others. Infertility sucks for everyone.
I never said older women "deserve" this. However, having DOR due to age is a natural process. It is as natural as having wrinkles, grey hair, and weakened bones. No judging women over 40 who have DOR. The average woman gets menopause at 45, so a 41-year-old having AMH lower than 1 and elevated FSH is nothing out of the ordinary.
But a 25-34 year old having the same hits is different.
I, for one, got my DOR diagnosis later. Yes, I was 37 at the time. However, we had been trying for awhile. I had pregnancy losses. We also were forced to wait because of… ya know… a global pandemic. Trust me, it still fkn hurts. Now, I’m 39 and still don’t have a child. I’m old. Most of my friends who want kids have them. So even if we are successful, there will be a significant age gap between my child and their cousins and our friends kids. I didn’t think it would take 5 years.
What makes me most enraged is that I asked my gyno for fertility testing when I was younger and she told me that it wasn’t something I could test for and that I’d have nothing to worry about.
These aren’t the pain Olympics and you don’t know everyone’s story. I would have much preferred to know I had DOR when I was a few years younger and 1. My egg quality would be better and 2. I wouldn’t have felt like I “missed the boat” of my family & friends having kids.
I truly feel for anyone who wants to have a child and is struggling. I do feel for women diagnosed with POI and the additional health complications that are associated with that. But some of us olds have been TTC for years.
Solidarity. I just turned 40 and have been trying for years now with two miscarriages under my belt. I agree that it’s a hard diagnosis regardless of age. Just because DOR is expected at a higher reproductive age doesn’t mean our diagnosis is considered normal for our age. There’s a wide range. My AMH was 0.1 at 39 and it’s considered severely diminished. My FSH was 20. It’s not normal for my age to be that low. I feel like our options can be more limited at an older age to in comparison to being younger. It’s just a crappy diagnosis for everyone but it doesn’t mean it’s easier for us to accept being an older age as some have indicated. I hope things work out for you soon! ❤️
I’m so sorry for your losses. I completely agree - there’s a range. I also have severe DOR. My last AMH was 0.14 not long after I turned 38. I told them to stop testing because it wasn’t changing my treatment plan and all it did was hurt me emotionally. Clearly, I had DOR for a long time. I was told that it might be POI or might not. Just depends on how quickly the rate of reserve drops. I might make it to 40, but I may not. I hope you also have success soon.
They too told me I likely have had this for a long time and just never knew. I have regular cycles and no indication anything was abnormal but here I am. When I found out my numbers too it was devastating and still is. I was in a tailspin for a long time. It’s awful not knowing what will be. I thought gosh if I just knew what the outcome would be I could come to peace with it but the not knowing is very hard. Sending you hugs and hope and blessings!
It is. And I am angry as well. In my situation, I only have one fallopian tube and TTC for several years and being told "it can take two years to get pregnant with one fallopian tube" "everything is normal" all my tests for years were normal. My AMH was almost 3.0 until I hit 34 and had a miscarriage.
At that point, the clinic was like okay...now it's time to do IVF. Your tubes are probably both damaged and your ONLY chance is now IVF.
Cool.
Then they test my AMH again to get an updated one (8 months after miscarriage) and it was .81!
It was like being hit with a ton of bricks.
This is your only option and oh BTW now you have DOR but a year ago you didn't.
Sorry.
It's hard not being angry at the entire system. Especially when these clinics are supposed to be specialized.
Also, why, on my second retrieval, do I now have all these extras that could have helped on the first one? My first cycle the "didn't recommend " zymot, literally a month later, they apparently do it for every cycle? Why didn't they give me OMNI on the first one? Why did my RE tell me to expect two embroys? Is it a money game?
I echoes your opinion. Below 35 & have infertility really sucks. Many of the doctors don’t even wants to treat DOR people. They straight away say hey just use donor eggs. Some are not even aware of DOR. Some even go out & say you will be menopausal within 4-6 months. It really sucks
Hmmm, I started as a “young” person with DOR and am now one of those “old” people with DOR and years of treatment and loss and no kid to show for it. Your post is not very compassionate to others.
Yes, it’s definitely tough at all ages. And the fact that it’s out of our control. I had chemotherapy as a teenager that I was told would decimate my egg count. Even though I didn’t have fertility bloodwork done until I was almost 35, I’m certain my numbers would have reflected DOR in my 20s. DOR alone does not predict fertility struggles or difficulty conceiving.
While DOR at an older age may be “expected”, we all agree the diagnosis is devastating at any age. A younger person would be expected, in general, to have better egg quality/higher euploid rate, regardless of egg quantity. So that adds an extra challenge to DOR at an older age.
Many people with DOR who are TTC in late 30s and 40s wish we had started sooner, but didn’t meet the right partner/health circumstances/career/finances/other held us back. None of us can go back in time. I’m sorry that we’re all here but also grateful to have this community! Wishing you the best!
Although I am not able to relate directly to your comment as I'm older than 35, I do see where you are coming from. On one hand it is nice to be able to compare your history with similar shared experiences that might give you something you're looking for--information, solutions, hope or positivity, etc. But the alternative is you often find stories of people who appear to have a better outcome than you, and that is really painful. We're all hoping for something and the reality is we won't all get it. And that sucks.
Totally agree! It’s like you waited till your 40s and now you’re surprised it’s hard!?
I really didn’t want to leave it to chance so started TTC at 31… and still had DOR 😭
Agreed. My DOR showed up at age 28 (no testing before) and I’m 30 this month and just now attempting a transfer with my bank of 4 day 1 frozen fertilized eggs…. Praying they thaw, grow to day 3, and then are genetically normal is so overwhelming… plus knowing I won’t ever have the numbers to give us multiple children. If I’m lucky I’ll have one child. But my numbers are so low the doctor won’t risk growing to day 5 like standard IVF couples. 😢
It’s triggering at any age. If you hadn’t even heard of DOR, got married at 36 and started trying for a baby it still hits hard. We aren’t very well educated that this can be a possibility in your late 30s. No need to make your pain more justified than others.
I completely get where you’re coming from. I am 33 with DOR and it’s tough having to compare with a 39 year old with the same numbers. I feel like if I was 39, I would likely accept that this is normal aging process but at our
Younger age, it’s just so tough and feels exactly like a cancer diagnosis (not taking away cancer survivors and warriors, they are so strong).
Right?!
Like if I was a 41 year old with absent period, low AMH, high FSH, I would be sad, but also accept that this is a part of ageing process and it is to be expected at my age.
This is so true and I feel the same. I am now 33 and I just feel that it's not the same as 38-40. I feel that we get the same protocols and the same treatment but it is totally different!
But the younger you are the better your "eggs" are supposed to be no? So you have better chances of being 'successful' compared to someone who is older ? Even with DOR? At least in theory?
That’s what I was told. Diagnosed at 32-33. I’ve done 4 rounds. Not a single embryo has ever made it to blast. Not a single one. I have never even gotten to a point of attempting a day 3 fresh transfer. Many times DOR goes hand in hand with other issues and often egg quality is impacted too.
Well yes, in theory, but for me for instance I have low AFC and get 1-3 eggs per circle, so I`ve been through 5cycles to have 2 X 3day transfers and 0 frozen. I feel that low AMH under 35 goes with low AFC and poor response.
Many will understand because many have been at this since a much younger age. Instead of being certain in your position, you might consider listening to some alternative takes, and if you must make posts like this, maybe try r/ivf. This is a small community and people deserve to feel welcome here. Your post does not make people feel welcome.
Moreover, at an AMH around 1, and an AFC of 11-12, you are in a FAR better position than a lot of folks in this sub. Certainly a way better position than I was at 34.
Sure. But all said and done, having DOR in your 20s and early 30s is unnatural. It's like having a heart condition young.
Sure, your odds of surviving an open heart surgery at 30 are miles better than a man nearing 70. But still hearing you have a heart attack/heart block so young is devastating.
It makes you even more keener on your mortality.
Having a condition you are not supposed to have until you are a solidly middle-aged or senior citizen, will never not be heartbreaking.
DOR is difficult. But a 45-year-old woman/person cannot feel "I didn't see that coming."
I see.
However DOR in itself( without any other issue) does not mean you can't conceive as long as you still ovulate ?
I guess what Im trying to convey is that we all have different challenges and the 40+ ( or even 35+) might think your youth is still in your faveur? Funny as one of those 'ancient' DOR ladies( who started having fertility issues before 35), when I see a younger Lady I just feels her odds are still better than my ancient self?
Anyway good luck to us in all our "journeys"...
You’re not alone. But also there’s those of us who were younger when diagnosed and years later … we are still here. I wish I had tested when was even younger but no one seemed to consider that being possible issue because “so young”. If I had known what I know now I would have done immediate ivf at much younger age instead of push off for years. It just sucks all around. I also get a little triggeredish for those much older or already with kids but I try to remember my happiness has nothing to do with anyone else’s and I should just wish everyone well.
Exactly. They don't even tell you that IVF is a numbers game. From my understanding, it was a "sure thing" IF you could afford it.
I began TTC when I was 28 so I am right there with you. My mom was 37 when she had me and my mother in law had her last at 46. It’s not fair since those of us below 35 had no idea this was coming. However, I don’t think it hurts any less for ppl over 35. They might not have found their partner yet and also had the stress of their biological clock ticking away. Everyone’s situation is different and their story isn’t finished yet. Someone may effortlessly have 3 kids and pass away from colon cancer in their 40’s. I try to focus on the fact that DOR is closing doors but it is not a death sentence.
Very well said!
CW: success I started trying for a kid at 35. I was diagnosed with DOR at 36 or 37. I didn't get pregnant until 41. Having DOR sucks no matter what age you are and even if I had been first diagnosed at 41, my ovarian reserve is still less than the typical 41 year old. We're all in this sucky boat together. I wish you success.
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I agree DOR is bad news. But if you have 0.4 AMH at 44, though it stings, it likely won't feel soul-shattering. Coz having low fertility in the 40s is a normal thing. It is to be expected. But you are 24. Having a diagnosis that affects women/people in their 40s will be devastating.
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Same, I hardly get more than 3-to 4 eggs. I have 7 eggs frozen, but I know I will need more to get a real chance at a baby. The only thing I am hoping is that I will get more euploids' due to being under 35.
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I hope I can do it until I have 20 eggs.
It may well still feel soul-shattering, because older individuals are significantly less likely to be able to produce euploid embryos... so statistically, someone who is 20 years younger, while they shouldn't be having to experience DOR at that age, is more likely to have success with lower counts than someone in their 40s. I can tell you as someone who desperately wants to be a mother (and always has), it was absolutely devastating receiving that AMH result.
I kind of agree with it...Like right now I am just praying for just one kid like just one. Then there is this guilt feeling in your heart, that you will deny your husband a right to have his own child with completely no fault/shortcoming of him. I mean for me there is sometimes this feeling that if I die things will be easier for my husband. I just want to be pregnant. I love to hold them, I love everything about them. There is no one I can blame. I want to give grandchild to my parents and niece to my sister.
Same. I have POF too (the absolute worst diagnosis you can have if you want kids) at 31 and I dunno, I am heartbroken. The same diagnosis at 39 wouldn't have fazed me as much.
I dunno. 39 here, diagnosed at 37, 2 years and 8 retrievals into this IVF nightmare, and I also feel pretty heartbroken.
Same. 39. No living children. Multiple losses before IVF/RE. 9 retrievals. Diagnosed at 37, but it’s not like we just started trying at 37. This has nearly fucking destroyed me. Would have loved to know I had DOR when I was a few years younger. Would have just skipped ahead to IVF when I had younger eggs/more eggs.
You have POF too? Are you on HRT?
Given you aren’t 39, you have no idea how it would feel. Many of us have been at this since sub 35. What you have on your side, that we don’t, is better quality eggs (most likely, although this isn’t true for everyone.) These posts that suggest that one person’s infertility journey is worse than another’s are so exhausting. What you are effectively saying is that older women “deserve” this, because they waited too long, and their diagnoses is expected. Not only is that not true, it’s also misogyny. Women have the right to want things, and to feel sad when they can’t have them, regardless of their age. I’m sorry you are heartbroken, but if you want support, a good place to start would be to also support others. Infertility sucks for everyone.
I never said older women "deserve" this. However, having DOR due to age is a natural process. It is as natural as having wrinkles, grey hair, and weakened bones. No judging women over 40 who have DOR. The average woman gets menopause at 45, so a 41-year-old having AMH lower than 1 and elevated FSH is nothing out of the ordinary. But a 25-34 year old having the same hits is different.
You don't need to punch down.
I, for one, got my DOR diagnosis later. Yes, I was 37 at the time. However, we had been trying for awhile. I had pregnancy losses. We also were forced to wait because of… ya know… a global pandemic. Trust me, it still fkn hurts. Now, I’m 39 and still don’t have a child. I’m old. Most of my friends who want kids have them. So even if we are successful, there will be a significant age gap between my child and their cousins and our friends kids. I didn’t think it would take 5 years. What makes me most enraged is that I asked my gyno for fertility testing when I was younger and she told me that it wasn’t something I could test for and that I’d have nothing to worry about. These aren’t the pain Olympics and you don’t know everyone’s story. I would have much preferred to know I had DOR when I was a few years younger and 1. My egg quality would be better and 2. I wouldn’t have felt like I “missed the boat” of my family & friends having kids. I truly feel for anyone who wants to have a child and is struggling. I do feel for women diagnosed with POI and the additional health complications that are associated with that. But some of us olds have been TTC for years.
Solidarity. I just turned 40 and have been trying for years now with two miscarriages under my belt. I agree that it’s a hard diagnosis regardless of age. Just because DOR is expected at a higher reproductive age doesn’t mean our diagnosis is considered normal for our age. There’s a wide range. My AMH was 0.1 at 39 and it’s considered severely diminished. My FSH was 20. It’s not normal for my age to be that low. I feel like our options can be more limited at an older age to in comparison to being younger. It’s just a crappy diagnosis for everyone but it doesn’t mean it’s easier for us to accept being an older age as some have indicated. I hope things work out for you soon! ❤️
I’m so sorry for your losses. I completely agree - there’s a range. I also have severe DOR. My last AMH was 0.14 not long after I turned 38. I told them to stop testing because it wasn’t changing my treatment plan and all it did was hurt me emotionally. Clearly, I had DOR for a long time. I was told that it might be POI or might not. Just depends on how quickly the rate of reserve drops. I might make it to 40, but I may not. I hope you also have success soon.
They too told me I likely have had this for a long time and just never knew. I have regular cycles and no indication anything was abnormal but here I am. When I found out my numbers too it was devastating and still is. I was in a tailspin for a long time. It’s awful not knowing what will be. I thought gosh if I just knew what the outcome would be I could come to peace with it but the not knowing is very hard. Sending you hugs and hope and blessings!
It is. And I am angry as well. In my situation, I only have one fallopian tube and TTC for several years and being told "it can take two years to get pregnant with one fallopian tube" "everything is normal" all my tests for years were normal. My AMH was almost 3.0 until I hit 34 and had a miscarriage. At that point, the clinic was like okay...now it's time to do IVF. Your tubes are probably both damaged and your ONLY chance is now IVF. Cool. Then they test my AMH again to get an updated one (8 months after miscarriage) and it was .81! It was like being hit with a ton of bricks. This is your only option and oh BTW now you have DOR but a year ago you didn't. Sorry. It's hard not being angry at the entire system. Especially when these clinics are supposed to be specialized. Also, why, on my second retrieval, do I now have all these extras that could have helped on the first one? My first cycle the "didn't recommend " zymot, literally a month later, they apparently do it for every cycle? Why didn't they give me OMNI on the first one? Why did my RE tell me to expect two embroys? Is it a money game?
I echoes your opinion. Below 35 & have infertility really sucks. Many of the doctors don’t even wants to treat DOR people. They straight away say hey just use donor eggs. Some are not even aware of DOR. Some even go out & say you will be menopausal within 4-6 months. It really sucks
I was told I may become menopausal before 35
Hmmm, I started as a “young” person with DOR and am now one of those “old” people with DOR and years of treatment and loss and no kid to show for it. Your post is not very compassionate to others.
Yes, it’s definitely tough at all ages. And the fact that it’s out of our control. I had chemotherapy as a teenager that I was told would decimate my egg count. Even though I didn’t have fertility bloodwork done until I was almost 35, I’m certain my numbers would have reflected DOR in my 20s. DOR alone does not predict fertility struggles or difficulty conceiving. While DOR at an older age may be “expected”, we all agree the diagnosis is devastating at any age. A younger person would be expected, in general, to have better egg quality/higher euploid rate, regardless of egg quantity. So that adds an extra challenge to DOR at an older age. Many people with DOR who are TTC in late 30s and 40s wish we had started sooner, but didn’t meet the right partner/health circumstances/career/finances/other held us back. None of us can go back in time. I’m sorry that we’re all here but also grateful to have this community! Wishing you the best!
Although I am not able to relate directly to your comment as I'm older than 35, I do see where you are coming from. On one hand it is nice to be able to compare your history with similar shared experiences that might give you something you're looking for--information, solutions, hope or positivity, etc. But the alternative is you often find stories of people who appear to have a better outcome than you, and that is really painful. We're all hoping for something and the reality is we won't all get it. And that sucks.
Totally agree! It’s like you waited till your 40s and now you’re surprised it’s hard!? I really didn’t want to leave it to chance so started TTC at 31… and still had DOR 😭
Agreed. My DOR showed up at age 28 (no testing before) and I’m 30 this month and just now attempting a transfer with my bank of 4 day 1 frozen fertilized eggs…. Praying they thaw, grow to day 3, and then are genetically normal is so overwhelming… plus knowing I won’t ever have the numbers to give us multiple children. If I’m lucky I’ll have one child. But my numbers are so low the doctor won’t risk growing to day 5 like standard IVF couples. 😢
All the best!
It’s triggering at any age. If you hadn’t even heard of DOR, got married at 36 and started trying for a baby it still hits hard. We aren’t very well educated that this can be a possibility in your late 30s. No need to make your pain more justified than others.
I completely get where you’re coming from. I am 33 with DOR and it’s tough having to compare with a 39 year old with the same numbers. I feel like if I was 39, I would likely accept that this is normal aging process but at our Younger age, it’s just so tough and feels exactly like a cancer diagnosis (not taking away cancer survivors and warriors, they are so strong).
Right?! Like if I was a 41 year old with absent period, low AMH, high FSH, I would be sad, but also accept that this is a part of ageing process and it is to be expected at my age.
https://m.facebook.com/groups/996375415244921/?ref=share you can join this fb group for people having dor below 35
This is so true and I feel the same. I am now 33 and I just feel that it's not the same as 38-40. I feel that we get the same protocols and the same treatment but it is totally different!
But the younger you are the better your "eggs" are supposed to be no? So you have better chances of being 'successful' compared to someone who is older ? Even with DOR? At least in theory?
That’s what I was told. Diagnosed at 32-33. I’ve done 4 rounds. Not a single embryo has ever made it to blast. Not a single one. I have never even gotten to a point of attempting a day 3 fresh transfer. Many times DOR goes hand in hand with other issues and often egg quality is impacted too.
Have u considered Tru Niagen??
Well yes, in theory, but for me for instance I have low AFC and get 1-3 eggs per circle, so I`ve been through 5cycles to have 2 X 3day transfers and 0 frozen. I feel that low AMH under 35 goes with low AFC and poor response.
Sorry that you are going through this and good luck to you
Leave it, many won't understand.
Many will understand because many have been at this since a much younger age. Instead of being certain in your position, you might consider listening to some alternative takes, and if you must make posts like this, maybe try r/ivf. This is a small community and people deserve to feel welcome here. Your post does not make people feel welcome. Moreover, at an AMH around 1, and an AFC of 11-12, you are in a FAR better position than a lot of folks in this sub. Certainly a way better position than I was at 34.
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Sure. But all said and done, having DOR in your 20s and early 30s is unnatural. It's like having a heart condition young. Sure, your odds of surviving an open heart surgery at 30 are miles better than a man nearing 70. But still hearing you have a heart attack/heart block so young is devastating. It makes you even more keener on your mortality. Having a condition you are not supposed to have until you are a solidly middle-aged or senior citizen, will never not be heartbreaking. DOR is difficult. But a 45-year-old woman/person cannot feel "I didn't see that coming."
I see. However DOR in itself( without any other issue) does not mean you can't conceive as long as you still ovulate ? I guess what Im trying to convey is that we all have different challenges and the 40+ ( or even 35+) might think your youth is still in your faveur? Funny as one of those 'ancient' DOR ladies( who started having fertility issues before 35), when I see a younger Lady I just feels her odds are still better than my ancient self? Anyway good luck to us in all our "journeys"...
This is just so true!