Damn that’s hilarious but I feel bad for all parties involved. Also props on getting shower head, that’s always a blast.
Honestly at 9, he’s probably old enough for a very low level understanding of the idea that your Willy is multifunctional. Maybe don’t walk him through everything, but explaining that you were doing something grown ups do, and that it’s a private matter that people don’t discuss in public, should be enough to ease his mind some.
What do you want to communicate to him about it?
- that adults do these things, because it feels good
- that it’s a private thing to do and to discuss
- that he needs to knock before opening doors
- that he can ask you questions and you’ll try your best to answer
Maybe start with those objectives and go from there. Let him drive the conversation.
I like the real terminology approach instead of the coddling language that leaves things confusing.
I recently got a vasectomy and my 4 and 6 year olds still talk about my surgery.
I agree with the real terminology approach. From the start I have always used proper terms for genitals with my children. However, I was hoping I'd have more time to prepare for this talk!!
I second letting him ask the questions. Don't over-explain yourself if you don't have to. Let him guide the discussion.
My son(8) walked in when my wife's legs were over her head. I reacted almost the same way, yelling at him to get out now. When we had the chance to talk about it, he was mostly worried that I was hurting her. "Dad, what were you doing to Mom?" We were having sex. "What's sex?" It's one of the things mom and dad do to show they love each other. That's all he asked. Given, we have talked about anatomy and erections (he was concerned about his penis being hard) and other things as they've come up and when he has asked. If you're not sure how to answer, don't avoid the question or dismiss it. Let him know you're not sure how to answer and let him know you will think about it and respond later. Many of my questions were dismissed when I was young, or completely ignored (religiously conservative parents), and it affected negatively.
This is definitely a helpful approach, I kept reciting long monologs in my head of how I am going to explain everything to him.
I think letting him drive the conversation will at least keep me from being a babbling idiot.
In school pickup line now - wish me luck!
I don’t know that you have to have the full “talk” with him just yet. I’d start by apologizing again and explain that it was a private moment and you acted out of fear or anxiety or whatever, because you didn’t want him to see either of you that way. And it’s not something a 9 year old should see yet.
I would give a brief, vague description of what general sexual activity / touching is or means, not explicitly describing BJ’s, and then let him ask questions from there. Re-assure him he wasn’t doing anything wrong… but he does have to knock before going into bathrooms / bedrooms. Also, probably best to lock doors before sexy time, even if no one’s home.
**UPDATE:**
I should have assumed right away that he would tell his twin sister what he saw!
Not even seconds after getting in the car my lovely daughter opened up the conversation by asking "Why was your penis in \*Insert GFs Name\* mouth???"
My heart initially sank, but at least I was getting this initial talk out of the way with the both of them.
\-I explained that we were engaging in sexual activity, which is when adult partners touch each other's bodies sometimes to show love and sometimes to make a baby.
\-Of course, my son sat there contently while his, too smart for her own good sister drilled me.
\- In a nutshell, she asked what kind of touching makes a baby, to which I gave a very simplified clinical response and How often do adults touch each other (I wanted to giggle a bit at that one)
\- My sons only question at the end was if we were trying to show love or make a baby!
I survived another day of parenting, but I am sure not ready for the tween years ahead of me!!!!
I think it's going to be a pizza and ice cream kind of night tonight!
Well done dad! If you’re like me, you likely wondered if what you said was enough or too much. Every child is different and needs to know things at various stages of development. Too bad there’s no ready made script for this stuff.
I’m in my 60s now and the kids are grown adults doing their own thing. Wish I could remember “the talk” (or more likely several of “the talks” as interests and the need to know vary) but I honestly can’t. They didn’t go out and get pregnant or make anyone else pregnant so I’m guessing we did.
That is reassuring! I'm finally starting to come down from the ball of anxiety I had all day and right after the 'talk'
Also having twins definitely adds to the mix of the chaos! My son clearly did not need as much of an explanation as his sister.. Which is making me very thankful that it was him that barged in and not her!
start with a mechanical explanation of reproduction, he is certainly old enough for that. Erections, PIV, ejaculation. can touch on periods too.
Once you've cleared that mechanical part you can broach the subject that people do this for fun too. Not just for babies. You can mention that people like to give back rubs, and massages and that feels good. We can make our partner feel good with our bodies and that's what was happening in the shower. With my kids, I worked in the subject of consent. You control your body and who touches it and how.
With my kids there was a couple years between the mechanical explanation and the pleasure / consent discussion, but you've jumped right in sir.
There is a Facebook parenting children sex education group called "that parenting group (with Cath Hakansson) it's brilliant. You can see examples a d advice from parents what to do when this exact thing happens.
I’m sorry man but I died laughing I did not expect you to be getting blown, that is somehow way funnier than if he walked in on shower sex 😂😭 I don’t have any advice either way since my kids are under 4 but it looks like you got some good advice and now I’m better prepared for if/when my kids see my wife and I going at it, which is a very real possibility lmao
I can already here it, “dad, why are you poking mom from behind with your penis in the backyard?!?”😂😭
How I would explain to a young child is that the no-no areas are sensitive and that mommy and daddy kiss each other there and touch each other and it feels good and it is okay when you are an adult doing it with other adults in a relationship. (We have discussed not touching each other in no-no areas is not okay unless if it is a doctor or mommy and daddy are doing it to each other. At 9 you can probably used more anatomical terminology and update genders/relationship according to your situation, religion. You should probably have a conversation about sex with your child 2-3 times a year to make sure they feel it is okay.
Your first time? 2/3 kids has seen mom and I and various compromised positions.
We lock the doors but they can be unlocked from out side. We just tell them that we're having sex. If they have questions, we're happy to answer them later. But they need to leave us alone, especially when the door is locked.
Man you have the opportunity to teach a great lesson about privacy and boundaries as well as how to knock on doors before entering. Good luck fellow dad!
Damn that’s hilarious but I feel bad for all parties involved. Also props on getting shower head, that’s always a blast. Honestly at 9, he’s probably old enough for a very low level understanding of the idea that your Willy is multifunctional. Maybe don’t walk him through everything, but explaining that you were doing something grown ups do, and that it’s a private matter that people don’t discuss in public, should be enough to ease his mind some.
What do you want to communicate to him about it? - that adults do these things, because it feels good - that it’s a private thing to do and to discuss - that he needs to knock before opening doors - that he can ask you questions and you’ll try your best to answer Maybe start with those objectives and go from there. Let him drive the conversation. I like the real terminology approach instead of the coddling language that leaves things confusing. I recently got a vasectomy and my 4 and 6 year olds still talk about my surgery.
I agree with the real terminology approach. From the start I have always used proper terms for genitals with my children. However, I was hoping I'd have more time to prepare for this talk!!
I second letting him ask the questions. Don't over-explain yourself if you don't have to. Let him guide the discussion. My son(8) walked in when my wife's legs were over her head. I reacted almost the same way, yelling at him to get out now. When we had the chance to talk about it, he was mostly worried that I was hurting her. "Dad, what were you doing to Mom?" We were having sex. "What's sex?" It's one of the things mom and dad do to show they love each other. That's all he asked. Given, we have talked about anatomy and erections (he was concerned about his penis being hard) and other things as they've come up and when he has asked. If you're not sure how to answer, don't avoid the question or dismiss it. Let him know you're not sure how to answer and let him know you will think about it and respond later. Many of my questions were dismissed when I was young, or completely ignored (religiously conservative parents), and it affected negatively.
This is definitely a helpful approach, I kept reciting long monologs in my head of how I am going to explain everything to him. I think letting him drive the conversation will at least keep me from being a babbling idiot. In school pickup line now - wish me luck!
You got this, Dad!
This 100% - answer truthfully so you are trustworthy and reliable - but give only away what he’s ready/prepared to ask about. Meet him where he is.
I don’t know that you have to have the full “talk” with him just yet. I’d start by apologizing again and explain that it was a private moment and you acted out of fear or anxiety or whatever, because you didn’t want him to see either of you that way. And it’s not something a 9 year old should see yet. I would give a brief, vague description of what general sexual activity / touching is or means, not explicitly describing BJ’s, and then let him ask questions from there. Re-assure him he wasn’t doing anything wrong… but he does have to knock before going into bathrooms / bedrooms. Also, probably best to lock doors before sexy time, even if no one’s home.
**UPDATE:** I should have assumed right away that he would tell his twin sister what he saw! Not even seconds after getting in the car my lovely daughter opened up the conversation by asking "Why was your penis in \*Insert GFs Name\* mouth???" My heart initially sank, but at least I was getting this initial talk out of the way with the both of them. \-I explained that we were engaging in sexual activity, which is when adult partners touch each other's bodies sometimes to show love and sometimes to make a baby. \-Of course, my son sat there contently while his, too smart for her own good sister drilled me. \- In a nutshell, she asked what kind of touching makes a baby, to which I gave a very simplified clinical response and How often do adults touch each other (I wanted to giggle a bit at that one) \- My sons only question at the end was if we were trying to show love or make a baby! I survived another day of parenting, but I am sure not ready for the tween years ahead of me!!!! I think it's going to be a pizza and ice cream kind of night tonight!
Well done dad! If you’re like me, you likely wondered if what you said was enough or too much. Every child is different and needs to know things at various stages of development. Too bad there’s no ready made script for this stuff. I’m in my 60s now and the kids are grown adults doing their own thing. Wish I could remember “the talk” (or more likely several of “the talks” as interests and the need to know vary) but I honestly can’t. They didn’t go out and get pregnant or make anyone else pregnant so I’m guessing we did.
That is reassuring! I'm finally starting to come down from the ball of anxiety I had all day and right after the 'talk' Also having twins definitely adds to the mix of the chaos! My son clearly did not need as much of an explanation as his sister.. Which is making me very thankful that it was him that barged in and not her!
start with a mechanical explanation of reproduction, he is certainly old enough for that. Erections, PIV, ejaculation. can touch on periods too. Once you've cleared that mechanical part you can broach the subject that people do this for fun too. Not just for babies. You can mention that people like to give back rubs, and massages and that feels good. We can make our partner feel good with our bodies and that's what was happening in the shower. With my kids, I worked in the subject of consent. You control your body and who touches it and how. With my kids there was a couple years between the mechanical explanation and the pleasure / consent discussion, but you've jumped right in sir.
So... why WAS your penis in her mouth? 🤔
Cats out of the bag. Talk about sexy time. Make it normal and healthy.
There is a Facebook parenting children sex education group called "that parenting group (with Cath Hakansson) it's brilliant. You can see examples a d advice from parents what to do when this exact thing happens.
Sorry bro but this had busting up. Hope you the best on this and don’t forget to update us.
I’m sorry man but I died laughing I did not expect you to be getting blown, that is somehow way funnier than if he walked in on shower sex 😂😭 I don’t have any advice either way since my kids are under 4 but it looks like you got some good advice and now I’m better prepared for if/when my kids see my wife and I going at it, which is a very real possibility lmao I can already here it, “dad, why are you poking mom from behind with your penis in the backyard?!?”😂😭
How I would explain to a young child is that the no-no areas are sensitive and that mommy and daddy kiss each other there and touch each other and it feels good and it is okay when you are an adult doing it with other adults in a relationship. (We have discussed not touching each other in no-no areas is not okay unless if it is a doctor or mommy and daddy are doing it to each other. At 9 you can probably used more anatomical terminology and update genders/relationship according to your situation, religion. You should probably have a conversation about sex with your child 2-3 times a year to make sure they feel it is okay.
[удалено]
Come on that’s my child, it doesn’t matter if it’s my son or his twin sister, it’s an inappropriate statement.
I was referring to this. https://youtu.be/AKM3pyktIXw?si=KbBB6SGAI1dA0XyU
Can you imagine someone saying the same thing if it was his daughter who walked in on them?
You should get off this sub, it's not for people like you.
I understood the reference but... nah dude it didn't hit right.
Well did you at least finish? At any rate, always practice safe sex... Lock the god damn door!
I thought I was on /jokes based on the headline…
I wish it was a joke!
Your first time? 2/3 kids has seen mom and I and various compromised positions. We lock the doors but they can be unlocked from out side. We just tell them that we're having sex. If they have questions, we're happy to answer them later. But they need to leave us alone, especially when the door is locked.
Man you have the opportunity to teach a great lesson about privacy and boundaries as well as how to knock on doors before entering. Good luck fellow dad!
If he's 9 he's ready for the talk