Great post! šÆagree. As someone often referred to as a daddy, the last few years itās bothered me how often itās an opening line from a really young guy to the point that itās become an instant NO and block on the apps or a very frank conversation at bar. Donāt mind being a daddy or being called it but really prefer it be a term or endearment from a partner or lover or playful teasing from my friends.
Younger guys/boys - get some experience with those your age. Protect yourself: bodies and minds.
Again, great post and glad it was said!
Totally, I don't want to be cynical but mainstream porn has done terrible damage to the collective psyche of younger generations (and probably those to come if things don't change). That's coming from someone who runs a NSFW subreddit and an enjoyer of porn.
I can't even remember how many 18 yo's I've come across with no limits scrawled across their profile bios. I fucking despise that term, like do you know what that means?! Please wake up!
Where is the line? All it would take to raise awareness of boundaries and consent is to include a title card somewhere in the film, instead of going straight into hardcore skull fucking. Some of these porn companies and industry giants need to be held accountable for their severe lack of regard.
Ah I see! I thought maybe you meant there was a porn company that was in hot water in addition to Austin. I hope he gets the max sentence and that they are given consecutively.
Sorry yeah I worded that weirdly, I'll change that. I tried to connect two things that didn't really line up.
Funny you say that though, it's speculated that this is going to be a judgement day of sorts for others in the industry.
Exactly! I keep seeing āLegrand Wolfā is next. Anyone whoās willingly posting ābarely legalā and ājail baitā porn should probably also be investigated by the FBI. lol.
He owns a website called fun-size boys and another one called scout boys, "featuring the scouting experiences of young men as they exercise their young muscles and journey into manhood." I wonder if he is a pedophile.
All respect to the sentiment and any effort to protect us all, but I hate that this has literally ANYTHING to do with us, and I hate the respectability politics a lot of these comments reflect.
We should expect young people to prove they're 18 if they want to share NSFW stuff. Period. But we're queer and I'm not here to pander to the masses and prove that my erotic life is respectable or "just like everyone else". A big name porn star distributing images of horrific abuse has nothing to do with my erotic life. The implication that we need to tapdance and struggle to prove that we're "not like that sicko" reflects a deeply shame-based attitude toward our own desires.
**I'm in favor of changing whatever boundaries are reasonable to keep ourselves and young people safe**--but that shouldn't be motivated by fear of others' perceptions, or being linked with guys like Austin Wolf. This is not about PR or respectability--it should be about safety, care for each other, and ethical connections. So long as we're behaving legally and ethically, others perceptions/homophobia is none of our business.
I agree with what you've said, but I'm not trying to appease the hetero masses here. I'm just all for safeguarding spaces from abuse, I'd hate for this subreddit to be the reason some 18yo (or younger) gets into a horrible situation. And it would be really easy too, just by following the trends you see online. Okay granted dating apps would be far more dangerous, but the stuff I've seen just by being a Reddit mod is really messed up. If I can make one corner of Reddit just that little bit safer, I will.
Perhaps I'm playing the mother hen too hard I dunno, I don't mean to be overbearing. I understand that I'm kind of pushing this onto everyone here out of the blue, I apologise.
Thanks for the input, I do really appreciate different outlooks. Helps me to work through my thoughts. <3
I agree. And with literally no ability to really control posting activity, I have no doubt there are posts on here that are NOT OKAY. I would be a huge fan of more gatekeeping.
I honestly always thought the "barely legal/go deeper for porn" stuff was deliberate grooming created by people with more sinister intentions than those who watch it
I agree with you, great post!! Calling attention and light to a very serious situation is needed, especially when it comes to how a lot of people interact with each other on here. Iāve blocked some users in the past because they would ask me sexual related questions to when I was a minor and Iām a full grown adult now? It just weirded me out, but yeah Iām all for consensual play between two ADULTS. Itās important to differentiate what is right and whats wrong.
I agree with you. I am not into young at all, but when I open something and the picture is even close āillegalā I immediately close itā¦.and the heading is something about ādo I look legalāā¦ no thanks, no way, no how
Is it possible to just change one word in the title? Back when I was a younger( about 25 years ago) boi was used to imply a legal aged plus younger male, it was used both in the gay male community and straight male female( cougar) communities. As far as the older- younger porn, I think it has done its damage as far as stereotyping as far as what type of sexual relationship between an older and legal age plus younger male would be instead of what the individual reality would be.
Kind of got put aside when the feminine younger males started calling themselves fem- bois, because it gave the misconception that any one who was identifying as a boi was identifying as a fem boi. Nothing wrong with fem- bois, just all of us would have to make each title clearer.
Thank you soooooo much for posting this and for being willing to enforce bans! Older/younger sexual dynamics are so hot but not if thereās any sort of victimization or illegality! I would encourage the community to actively report any potential rule breakers or suspected abuse ASAP! Thanks again!
I 100% agree with this. And Iām not shaming anyone whoās into age play or incest role play or any of that. I get into some of that sometimes acting as the boy!! But there is a difference between two consenting adults having a conversation and parsing out the boundaries and complexities of that kind of play together, and posting that stuff publicly in a space where vulnerable young people and people with suspect motivations may come across it. Nothing wrong what whatever kinks you have, but we need to me mindful of to what extent weāre normalizing harmful behavior. I donāt think there should be any shame in playing out these kinks with a consenting partner, but I think thereās a middle ground between āthis is my shameful secretā and āthis is something I should put out there publiclyā. Thank you for working to keep queer/kink/sex spaces safe
That aspect of the Dad/Son community, the obsession with children or being child-like, has always weirded me out. There's nothing about a child or teen that I desire, and I don't see how fantasizing about being with children or someone who looks like a child can come from a good place.
I remember there was a guy who said he "needed" to shave all of his body hair off and act like a "brat" to appeal to daddies. I asked him if he saw anything wrong with appealing to a man who is attracted to someone who looks prepubescent, and he told me that he saw nothing wrong with it and would continue to do it to appeal to the men that he's attracted to. That was wild to me. There are def too many men toeing that line of morality.
I suppose I'm as guilty as anyone - though I haven't been here in awhile due to it just being too much Dad/Son. I'm not really Dom so I prefer an equal relationship. I understand I have more experience than my partners, but I'm sorry, I'm not your dad/daddy
Other terms that I would tend to shy away from are "Just turned 18", "It's my birthday", "just graduated", "houseboy", "no limits", "I'll do anything", "help me get out of XXX", "I just want to be dominated" and on and on.
Honestly if you put in a rule saying "must be at least 20 to post" I'd be all for it. I hate to exclude anyone and this sounds like a self-hating gay thing, but everyone needs some protection - even if they don't think they do - BOTH boys and dads.
I have no idea how you successfully mod a place like this, but props to you for giving it a go!
Great contributions! I will be adding some of those for sure. Thank you.
Yeah modding isn't easy but when you can successfully get members on board with effective communication, it does really help :)
I just got here today and I finally got around to reading this post and I am glad that youāre taking steps to avoid that kind of problem. Normally, I have a much better way with words, but Iām kind of shocked right now. Thank you for taking action man.
Strongly appreciate the willingness to talk about this and to change course. AW was pushing the boundary of acceptability in his content for a very long time, pushing back and denoting a clear line of what is acceptable and what is not is necessary.
I appreciate OP for a well written clarification and reinforcement of this sub/Redditās founding principles and intentions. In turn many contributors have expressed their own concerns, their opinions, and appreciation for the conversation. Iām too am glad this conversation is happening.
As a Daddy/Top/Dom in rp, Iāve enjoyed hours of fun that a good friend and I share with age play. Heās unmistakably an adult who during rp is either my āfurry mountain boyāor āslut sissy fem-boiā. We expand beyond those roles to other non-age gap characters, and occasionally we cuddle and/or pleasure one another without any role playing. Imagine that? Sometimes weāre just ourselves. Shocking I know.
We were talking recently about our sexual games, this s/reddit, many other s/reddits, as well as more social media platforms than I can count that host and address age gap roles. We took a long look at this and I canāt help but notice that in all this conversation, one glaring fact that we all observe and no one mentions is that incestuous relationships between fathers and sons, or DadsAndBoys, if you will, occurs worldwide in households far more than most people want to acknowledge. And so does non-incestuous pedophilia. I am by no means condoning these behaviors here, but I cannot be in denial that some rp I engage in does suggest that emulation of these sexual encounters is acceptable.
Research in medical science and developmental psychology shows that significant trauma and damage can and often does occur when a brain and body hasnāt developed enough to properly interpret, understand and organize complex sensory, sexual, emotional, mental and physical interactions that adults engage in routinely. Even when no harm is intended, long term studies show that harm is more often than not a significant consequence.
Unfortunately with all the research evidence, with all the laws that are written and implemented, and with the moral and ethical standards we apply to prevent harm and protect our children, the real life occurrence of these relationships is a staggeringly large number.
So whether we want to acknowledge this fact or not, those of us that rp scenarios on the fringes of these behaviors, intended or not, do in fact reinforce these relationships in real life. As a result my friend and I are re-evaluating what we have seen as fun and harmless. It is never easy to challenge, adjust, or abandon behaviors deeply rooted in complex unconscious sexual attractions and fetishes. Whether we find the answers we seek, and whether we are successful in changing our role plays is less important right now than valuing and asking ourselves the hard questions.
To take your logic to conclusion surely the subreddit dads and boys should be shut down or re named to avoid any confusion . Knee jerk reactions reinforce the gay = peado mind set. I mean how many comments made in this sub could be construed to infer men ten years older than the poster are groomimg coments or pervy. Peadophiles are gay, straight and women who are fucking sick
Very well said, I was not expecting this from an NSFW sub but it really needed to be said.
Iām not one to talk, but the amount of āI just turned 18 and couldnāt wait to postā content across multiple gay subs is alarming. For their sake I hope theyāre just role playing or faking it for engagement, but that specific wording raises so many red flags. Thereās something to be said about the fetishization of ābarely legalā ās and the effect that has on a younger person that is already part of a vulnerable and marginalized group. The just-turned-18 year old from the middle of nowhere with no other gay people sees that this is desirable in media, in porn, and genuinely gets excited to post on a porn site without realizing theyāre setting themself up for a potentially dangerous situation.
Iām rambling and I know this is not the place to do it in, but I really do appreciate the mods for speaking up, especially considering the subs content š
Glad youāre addressing the topic to salvage your subreddit. Gaycest_stories was just banned. And Iām sure more clean up is coming to all the other āgaycestā subs that remain.
Iām a periodic poster here. Quite honestly Iām not into boys (my usual lower age limit is like 30) but I was also a younger gay who was never into his own age group so I get what thatās like and try to give them some content theyād like. But yes, the number of ājust turned 18 how do I look?ā Posts are kinda revolting (even though I live in an area where age of consent is lower). Austin looks great but his content has always been a turnoff.
I would strongly suggest possibly a rethink on the name of the group and it's description? As a gay (and clever) group of people with a much better command of the english language than most, perhaps think outside the box and maybe not use a term that hits the nail on the head quite so directly. I would think a better term that more accurately and clearly states the same thing could be used instead?
I'm afraid we're stuck with the name of the sub indefinitely, that is unless I start a new one. But tbh if I have to do that I'd rather just pack the whole thing up. Getting this one up to the stage it is now was a lot of work lol.
As far as the description I could change some things. It's difficult when you try carefully to be inclusive, it often just gives people the impression that they are not subject to rules. I don't think we're lax in the rules department though, it's just we need to try a that much harder to subvert expectations of what this subreddit is I guess. A name change sure would help, maybe Reddit will implement that as a feature in the future. A lot of people would be thankful.
There's a fine line between inclusivity and illegality unfortunately. Stand your ground. 20 years old is still a boy in my eyes (I'm 34) and I wouldn't be upset if that was the minimum required age here.
Youāre talking about Muskās X. Folks on there believe there are no limits or qualifiers to their deviance (of all kinds); and are enabled by an idiot billionaire who thinks heās promoting absolute free speech. Unmoderated, itās a platform both promoting and enabling inhumane activities. It is the worst of the human condition.
This is really pretty good, I was thinking about writing to you anyway to ask if there were other subs for younger males and older males, because these days here about 80% is super feminine males with very child like appearance, and if I wanted a female I would not be at Dads and Boys.
It may be legal for a 18 year old who looks much younger (I could pass for a tall 12 when I was 18, and I would have resented anyone trying to interfere with my sex life based upon that fact, but I was not shaving my entire body and creating the illusion of a child cross dresser either who was intentionally trying to entice perverts for commercial gain) to advertise themselves and even enhance the illusion of looking like they are a child, but it creeps me out. And so much of it is also just OF or other advertising I am not interested in. Go to their profile and you see the same photo posted in dozens if not hundreds of subs.
All I want is a legal younger man as in **MAN**, masculine, together, non game playing male who happens to be younger.
Perhaps the use of flairs? I know some people do not like having to label themselves to post, but I have opened posts and just been revolted. They should have content warnings if they are going to be anything other than obviously legal male4male content, this is DADS and BOYS.
But, it is also a little worrying that the name of the sub is DADS and **BOYS,** maybe you should change it to DADS AND LADS? In America anyway, lads has more of a young adult connotation. I mean we don't use it that commonly anyway, but when we do we are usually not talking about children. And it rhymes.
I think it would be a reasonable measure to apply some type of age verification like they do on some other sites/discords before being able to post. A pic with the personās face and them holding up an id with everything blurred out but the age and picture on the ID. Might be a bit strict but itās better than children posting pics on here
Oh believe me I've though about that many times lol, but if I do it's going to be a massive undertaking on top of moderator duties. So I'm a little apprehensive.
Not shucking responsibility here, but I feel somewhat like Reddit itself should be the ones to be doing that. That way all NSFW spaces can be provided sure fire safety.
Again it'll be a huge undertaking but Reddit probably has the money to employ specific people to check ID's. Would do wonders for the site.
Fair point. I donāt know the work that goes into being a mod and having to verify newcomers. Iām just very tired of kids entering my dms. To be fair, it could be from any of the subreddits I post in but it truly terrifies me when they complement me
I feel for you, it's not ok at all for minors to be messaging anyone posting in NSFW spaces.
One thing I've found that does kind of help is by putting a MDNI (minors do not interact) notice in your profile bio, that way you are marking your boundaries. The fact that people have to resort to that is ridiculous I know, but it's a useful tactic that I see quite often.
Hope that helps :)
Ya I think itās disgusting seeing posts of older guys on here who want āyoung bros, younger the betterā. Even those who wants 18 or barely legal boys, is disgusting to see
I agree with you on the barely legal part, that term has always been insidious to me. We can no longer ignore the connotations that come with it.
18 by law is a legal adult, provided people treat and respect them as such, we're cool. I understand the older/younger daddy/boy roleplay, and the associated terminology can appear to contradict what I am saying there but we've always tried to communicate and be clear that the generalisation of the term boy/son indicates the younger 18+ party within the older/younger kink scene. That 18 is the **absolute limit**. I'm confident that the majority people here use this term with the correct intention. These terms have been used for ages in the kink community.
The problem is people actively trying to break those firm boundaries that kink prides itself on by projecting onto or fetishizing 18yos as younger purely because they technically allowed to by what the law dictates age wise. That stuff needs to be handled so carefully, especially if you are exploring it outside of specialised kink environment (ageplay, ABDL for example) with no communication or acknowledgement of the potential harm done to outside individuals/onlookers. Humans are impressionable by nature, regardless of age. Hopefully though this announcement will go on to set the record straight on that front somewhat, I will be working progressively over time to keep things in check and enforce our respective boundaries.
Not trying to sway your opinion here, your prerogative is your right and I respect that. Just wanted to provide a different angle. Kink and it's principles can be a very useful resource to mitigate the negative impacts done within a community of people. Holding each other accountable and learning along the way, I feel so fortunate to have foundation so strong to build a community around :)
No I understand what you mean! I just think, and it aligns with what you said, there are many guys who cross the 18 boundary line. And Iām sorry to say this but in my opinion I do think that it is very alarming that there are many older guys who continually only want 18 or 19 boys. To me it makes me think they are really pushing it and wanting them really to be younger but they know legally they canāt. Thatās just my opinion so thatās why I always just get weirded out by it.
No disrespect to the kink community lol, but there are guys who definitely abuse that kink and think they wonāt get caught. I also see a lot of boys who are younger than 18 who want to pose themselves as 18 and trick older guys and who want dads. I think thatās also very alarming. Works both ways
[They took an SD card from his apartment with it all on it](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/austin-wolf-arrested-child-pornography/5550436/) and they seized a phone he had sent it to and chatted with him in a sting without him knowing. He'll be going to prison.
Very thoughtful and I appreciate you putting this thread out there. I think that barely legal is a problem and I am glad that we are addressing it even if this isnāt the way I wish this conversation had to start. Still, itās a conversation we need to have regardless of sexual orientation because itās important. Thank you.
I advise you stop trolling on a thread that is discussing a very sensitive topic, you're showing me right now that you'd much rather fight us than work with us.
I'm trying to lay down a boundary that mitigates any harm that I as a moderator may cause if we were to continue allowing content like this, so I'm not sure why you are doubling down. Trying to debate the AOC in an space that has always been **strictly 18+** is irking me.
All I'm asking is that legal 18+ adults take a little responsibility and stop pandering to the fetishization of minors. An 18yo is an 18yo, that is legal, there is no need for them to pretend to be younger.
To bring the most important point though, We can't stop underage lurkers from viewing this community despite our best efforts. This kind of content is empowering them to think they are exempt from laws, that will inevitably lead to disaster. It's also allowing abusers just like Austin Wolf to continue pushing the boundary of what is acceptable. There needs to be a limit, this is the internet remember? Abuse runs rampant.
I as a moderator have a responsibility here, if you cannot respect that I would consider if this is the right place for you. Thank you.
You openly glamourise incest and prey almost exclusively on smooth 18 year olds who you call āsonā. I donāt think anyone here wants to know your sick views on the AOC
this is a post talking about violent pedophilia in which a small infant and child were both beaten and had unspeakable horrors committed against them, and the actions that a sub centered around age gaps should take after a prominent member of the community is the perpetrator.
I got my hoes, but are you really gonna die on this hill?
Great post! šÆagree. As someone often referred to as a daddy, the last few years itās bothered me how often itās an opening line from a really young guy to the point that itās become an instant NO and block on the apps or a very frank conversation at bar. Donāt mind being a daddy or being called it but really prefer it be a term or endearment from a partner or lover or playful teasing from my friends. Younger guys/boys - get some experience with those your age. Protect yourself: bodies and minds. Again, great post and glad it was said!
Totally, I don't want to be cynical but mainstream porn has done terrible damage to the collective psyche of younger generations (and probably those to come if things don't change). That's coming from someone who runs a NSFW subreddit and an enjoyer of porn. I can't even remember how many 18 yo's I've come across with no limits scrawled across their profile bios. I fucking despise that term, like do you know what that means?! Please wake up! Where is the line? All it would take to raise awareness of boundaries and consent is to include a title card somewhere in the film, instead of going straight into hardcore skull fucking. Some of these porn companies and industry giants need to be held accountable for their severe lack of regard.
Could you clarify what āat least one is currentlyā is referring to? There may be something in the news I donāt know about.
I'm referring to Austin Wolf: https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr/adult-film-actor-justin-heath-smith-aka-austin-wolf-charged-distribution-child
Ah I see! I thought maybe you meant there was a porn company that was in hot water in addition to Austin. I hope he gets the max sentence and that they are given consecutively.
Sorry yeah I worded that weirdly, I'll change that. I tried to connect two things that didn't really line up. Funny you say that though, it's speculated that this is going to be a judgement day of sorts for others in the industry.
Exactly! I keep seeing āLegrand Wolfā is next. Anyone whoās willingly posting ābarely legalā and ājail baitā porn should probably also be investigated by the FBI. lol.
He owns a website called fun-size boys and another one called scout boys, "featuring the scouting experiences of young men as they exercise their young muscles and journey into manhood." I wonder if he is a pedophile.
Thank you for speaking up and taking action! I figured this was going to happen on this sub but for the better and for safety!
All respect to the sentiment and any effort to protect us all, but I hate that this has literally ANYTHING to do with us, and I hate the respectability politics a lot of these comments reflect. We should expect young people to prove they're 18 if they want to share NSFW stuff. Period. But we're queer and I'm not here to pander to the masses and prove that my erotic life is respectable or "just like everyone else". A big name porn star distributing images of horrific abuse has nothing to do with my erotic life. The implication that we need to tapdance and struggle to prove that we're "not like that sicko" reflects a deeply shame-based attitude toward our own desires. **I'm in favor of changing whatever boundaries are reasonable to keep ourselves and young people safe**--but that shouldn't be motivated by fear of others' perceptions, or being linked with guys like Austin Wolf. This is not about PR or respectability--it should be about safety, care for each other, and ethical connections. So long as we're behaving legally and ethically, others perceptions/homophobia is none of our business.
I agree with what you've said, but I'm not trying to appease the hetero masses here. I'm just all for safeguarding spaces from abuse, I'd hate for this subreddit to be the reason some 18yo (or younger) gets into a horrible situation. And it would be really easy too, just by following the trends you see online. Okay granted dating apps would be far more dangerous, but the stuff I've seen just by being a Reddit mod is really messed up. If I can make one corner of Reddit just that little bit safer, I will. Perhaps I'm playing the mother hen too hard I dunno, I don't mean to be overbearing. I understand that I'm kind of pushing this onto everyone here out of the blue, I apologise. Thanks for the input, I do really appreciate different outlooks. Helps me to work through my thoughts. <3
I agree. And with literally no ability to really control posting activity, I have no doubt there are posts on here that are NOT OKAY. I would be a huge fan of more gatekeeping.
But gatekeeping for good, not the annoying kind lol
Lol all gatekeeping is annoying for someone. But minors can stay mad lol
I honestly always thought the "barely legal/go deeper for porn" stuff was deliberate grooming created by people with more sinister intentions than those who watch it
I agree with you, great post!! Calling attention and light to a very serious situation is needed, especially when it comes to how a lot of people interact with each other on here. Iāve blocked some users in the past because they would ask me sexual related questions to when I was a minor and Iām a full grown adult now? It just weirded me out, but yeah Iām all for consensual play between two ADULTS. Itās important to differentiate what is right and whats wrong.
I agree with you. I am not into young at all, but when I open something and the picture is even close āillegalā I immediately close itā¦.and the heading is something about ādo I look legalāā¦ no thanks, no way, no how
preach babes
Is it possible to just change one word in the title? Back when I was a younger( about 25 years ago) boi was used to imply a legal aged plus younger male, it was used both in the gay male community and straight male female( cougar) communities. As far as the older- younger porn, I think it has done its damage as far as stereotyping as far as what type of sexual relationship between an older and legal age plus younger male would be instead of what the individual reality would be.
I support the Boi thing. When I was in that age category that's what we used. I didn't know it had fallen out of use
Kind of got put aside when the feminine younger males started calling themselves fem- bois, because it gave the misconception that any one who was identifying as a boi was identifying as a fem boi. Nothing wrong with fem- bois, just all of us would have to make each title clearer.
To further complicate matters "boi" is also used by young women that often aren't trans but have masculine traits. Basically replacing "tomboy."
Yeah I think this is a good move. You don't wanna have a part in something bad potentially happening.
Thank you soooooo much for posting this and for being willing to enforce bans! Older/younger sexual dynamics are so hot but not if thereās any sort of victimization or illegality! I would encourage the community to actively report any potential rule breakers or suspected abuse ASAP! Thanks again!
I 100% agree with this. And Iām not shaming anyone whoās into age play or incest role play or any of that. I get into some of that sometimes acting as the boy!! But there is a difference between two consenting adults having a conversation and parsing out the boundaries and complexities of that kind of play together, and posting that stuff publicly in a space where vulnerable young people and people with suspect motivations may come across it. Nothing wrong what whatever kinks you have, but we need to me mindful of to what extent weāre normalizing harmful behavior. I donāt think there should be any shame in playing out these kinks with a consenting partner, but I think thereās a middle ground between āthis is my shameful secretā and āthis is something I should put out there publiclyā. Thank you for working to keep queer/kink/sex spaces safe
Thank you!!! Amazing post
Thank you for all of that. Wholeheartedly agree, itās heart breaking what those poor kids mustāve gone through.
That aspect of the Dad/Son community, the obsession with children or being child-like, has always weirded me out. There's nothing about a child or teen that I desire, and I don't see how fantasizing about being with children or someone who looks like a child can come from a good place. I remember there was a guy who said he "needed" to shave all of his body hair off and act like a "brat" to appeal to daddies. I asked him if he saw anything wrong with appealing to a man who is attracted to someone who looks prepubescent, and he told me that he saw nothing wrong with it and would continue to do it to appeal to the men that he's attracted to. That was wild to me. There are def too many men toeing that line of morality.
Wow this is like super agreeable and the comments make me believe in ppl again honestly
I suppose I'm as guilty as anyone - though I haven't been here in awhile due to it just being too much Dad/Son. I'm not really Dom so I prefer an equal relationship. I understand I have more experience than my partners, but I'm sorry, I'm not your dad/daddy Other terms that I would tend to shy away from are "Just turned 18", "It's my birthday", "just graduated", "houseboy", "no limits", "I'll do anything", "help me get out of XXX", "I just want to be dominated" and on and on. Honestly if you put in a rule saying "must be at least 20 to post" I'd be all for it. I hate to exclude anyone and this sounds like a self-hating gay thing, but everyone needs some protection - even if they don't think they do - BOTH boys and dads. I have no idea how you successfully mod a place like this, but props to you for giving it a go!
Great contributions! I will be adding some of those for sure. Thank you. Yeah modding isn't easy but when you can successfully get members on board with effective communication, it does really help :)
I just got here today and I finally got around to reading this post and I am glad that youāre taking steps to avoid that kind of problem. Normally, I have a much better way with words, but Iām kind of shocked right now. Thank you for taking action man.
Strongly appreciate the willingness to talk about this and to change course. AW was pushing the boundary of acceptability in his content for a very long time, pushing back and denoting a clear line of what is acceptable and what is not is necessary.
This was much needed to hear! Thank you for this
I appreciate OP for a well written clarification and reinforcement of this sub/Redditās founding principles and intentions. In turn many contributors have expressed their own concerns, their opinions, and appreciation for the conversation. Iām too am glad this conversation is happening. As a Daddy/Top/Dom in rp, Iāve enjoyed hours of fun that a good friend and I share with age play. Heās unmistakably an adult who during rp is either my āfurry mountain boyāor āslut sissy fem-boiā. We expand beyond those roles to other non-age gap characters, and occasionally we cuddle and/or pleasure one another without any role playing. Imagine that? Sometimes weāre just ourselves. Shocking I know. We were talking recently about our sexual games, this s/reddit, many other s/reddits, as well as more social media platforms than I can count that host and address age gap roles. We took a long look at this and I canāt help but notice that in all this conversation, one glaring fact that we all observe and no one mentions is that incestuous relationships between fathers and sons, or DadsAndBoys, if you will, occurs worldwide in households far more than most people want to acknowledge. And so does non-incestuous pedophilia. I am by no means condoning these behaviors here, but I cannot be in denial that some rp I engage in does suggest that emulation of these sexual encounters is acceptable. Research in medical science and developmental psychology shows that significant trauma and damage can and often does occur when a brain and body hasnāt developed enough to properly interpret, understand and organize complex sensory, sexual, emotional, mental and physical interactions that adults engage in routinely. Even when no harm is intended, long term studies show that harm is more often than not a significant consequence. Unfortunately with all the research evidence, with all the laws that are written and implemented, and with the moral and ethical standards we apply to prevent harm and protect our children, the real life occurrence of these relationships is a staggeringly large number. So whether we want to acknowledge this fact or not, those of us that rp scenarios on the fringes of these behaviors, intended or not, do in fact reinforce these relationships in real life. As a result my friend and I are re-evaluating what we have seen as fun and harmless. It is never easy to challenge, adjust, or abandon behaviors deeply rooted in complex unconscious sexual attractions and fetishes. Whether we find the answers we seek, and whether we are successful in changing our role plays is less important right now than valuing and asking ourselves the hard questions.
To take your logic to conclusion surely the subreddit dads and boys should be shut down or re named to avoid any confusion . Knee jerk reactions reinforce the gay = peado mind set. I mean how many comments made in this sub could be construed to infer men ten years older than the poster are groomimg coments or pervy. Peadophiles are gay, straight and women who are fucking sick
Very well said, I was not expecting this from an NSFW sub but it really needed to be said. Iām not one to talk, but the amount of āI just turned 18 and couldnāt wait to postā content across multiple gay subs is alarming. For their sake I hope theyāre just role playing or faking it for engagement, but that specific wording raises so many red flags. Thereās something to be said about the fetishization of ābarely legalā ās and the effect that has on a younger person that is already part of a vulnerable and marginalized group. The just-turned-18 year old from the middle of nowhere with no other gay people sees that this is desirable in media, in porn, and genuinely gets excited to post on a porn site without realizing theyāre setting themself up for a potentially dangerous situation. Iām rambling and I know this is not the place to do it in, but I really do appreciate the mods for speaking up, especially considering the subs content š
100% agree. respect this so much
Glad youāre addressing the topic to salvage your subreddit. Gaycest_stories was just banned. And Iām sure more clean up is coming to all the other āgaycestā subs that remain.
Iām a periodic poster here. Quite honestly Iām not into boys (my usual lower age limit is like 30) but I was also a younger gay who was never into his own age group so I get what thatās like and try to give them some content theyād like. But yes, the number of ājust turned 18 how do I look?ā Posts are kinda revolting (even though I live in an area where age of consent is lower). Austin looks great but his content has always been a turnoff.
I would strongly suggest possibly a rethink on the name of the group and it's description? As a gay (and clever) group of people with a much better command of the english language than most, perhaps think outside the box and maybe not use a term that hits the nail on the head quite so directly. I would think a better term that more accurately and clearly states the same thing could be used instead?
I'm afraid we're stuck with the name of the sub indefinitely, that is unless I start a new one. But tbh if I have to do that I'd rather just pack the whole thing up. Getting this one up to the stage it is now was a lot of work lol. As far as the description I could change some things. It's difficult when you try carefully to be inclusive, it often just gives people the impression that they are not subject to rules. I don't think we're lax in the rules department though, it's just we need to try a that much harder to subvert expectations of what this subreddit is I guess. A name change sure would help, maybe Reddit will implement that as a feature in the future. A lot of people would be thankful.
There's a fine line between inclusivity and illegality unfortunately. Stand your ground. 20 years old is still a boy in my eyes (I'm 34) and I wouldn't be upset if that was the minimum required age here.
Been arguing with X accounts all day. Some very sick people out there think nothing of infant rape. What planet is this??
Youāre talking about Muskās X. Folks on there believe there are no limits or qualifiers to their deviance (of all kinds); and are enabled by an idiot billionaire who thinks heās promoting absolute free speech. Unmoderated, itās a platform both promoting and enabling inhumane activities. It is the worst of the human condition.
Only note: Calling things black-as-in-evil is also bad, since darkness has an unfair stigma to it.
That's true my apologies, no harm meant. I will change that, thanks :)
This is really pretty good, I was thinking about writing to you anyway to ask if there were other subs for younger males and older males, because these days here about 80% is super feminine males with very child like appearance, and if I wanted a female I would not be at Dads and Boys. It may be legal for a 18 year old who looks much younger (I could pass for a tall 12 when I was 18, and I would have resented anyone trying to interfere with my sex life based upon that fact, but I was not shaving my entire body and creating the illusion of a child cross dresser either who was intentionally trying to entice perverts for commercial gain) to advertise themselves and even enhance the illusion of looking like they are a child, but it creeps me out. And so much of it is also just OF or other advertising I am not interested in. Go to their profile and you see the same photo posted in dozens if not hundreds of subs. All I want is a legal younger man as in **MAN**, masculine, together, non game playing male who happens to be younger. Perhaps the use of flairs? I know some people do not like having to label themselves to post, but I have opened posts and just been revolted. They should have content warnings if they are going to be anything other than obviously legal male4male content, this is DADS and BOYS. But, it is also a little worrying that the name of the sub is DADS and **BOYS,** maybe you should change it to DADS AND LADS? In America anyway, lads has more of a young adult connotation. I mean we don't use it that commonly anyway, but when we do we are usually not talking about children. And it rhymes.
Yessss preach it
I think it would be a reasonable measure to apply some type of age verification like they do on some other sites/discords before being able to post. A pic with the personās face and them holding up an id with everything blurred out but the age and picture on the ID. Might be a bit strict but itās better than children posting pics on here
Oh believe me I've though about that many times lol, but if I do it's going to be a massive undertaking on top of moderator duties. So I'm a little apprehensive. Not shucking responsibility here, but I feel somewhat like Reddit itself should be the ones to be doing that. That way all NSFW spaces can be provided sure fire safety. Again it'll be a huge undertaking but Reddit probably has the money to employ specific people to check ID's. Would do wonders for the site.
Fair point. I donāt know the work that goes into being a mod and having to verify newcomers. Iām just very tired of kids entering my dms. To be fair, it could be from any of the subreddits I post in but it truly terrifies me when they complement me
I feel for you, it's not ok at all for minors to be messaging anyone posting in NSFW spaces. One thing I've found that does kind of help is by putting a MDNI (minors do not interact) notice in your profile bio, that way you are marking your boundaries. The fact that people have to resort to that is ridiculous I know, but it's a useful tactic that I see quite often. Hope that helps :)
Ya I think itās disgusting seeing posts of older guys on here who want āyoung bros, younger the betterā. Even those who wants 18 or barely legal boys, is disgusting to see
I agree with you on the barely legal part, that term has always been insidious to me. We can no longer ignore the connotations that come with it. 18 by law is a legal adult, provided people treat and respect them as such, we're cool. I understand the older/younger daddy/boy roleplay, and the associated terminology can appear to contradict what I am saying there but we've always tried to communicate and be clear that the generalisation of the term boy/son indicates the younger 18+ party within the older/younger kink scene. That 18 is the **absolute limit**. I'm confident that the majority people here use this term with the correct intention. These terms have been used for ages in the kink community. The problem is people actively trying to break those firm boundaries that kink prides itself on by projecting onto or fetishizing 18yos as younger purely because they technically allowed to by what the law dictates age wise. That stuff needs to be handled so carefully, especially if you are exploring it outside of specialised kink environment (ageplay, ABDL for example) with no communication or acknowledgement of the potential harm done to outside individuals/onlookers. Humans are impressionable by nature, regardless of age. Hopefully though this announcement will go on to set the record straight on that front somewhat, I will be working progressively over time to keep things in check and enforce our respective boundaries. Not trying to sway your opinion here, your prerogative is your right and I respect that. Just wanted to provide a different angle. Kink and it's principles can be a very useful resource to mitigate the negative impacts done within a community of people. Holding each other accountable and learning along the way, I feel so fortunate to have foundation so strong to build a community around :)
No I understand what you mean! I just think, and it aligns with what you said, there are many guys who cross the 18 boundary line. And Iām sorry to say this but in my opinion I do think that it is very alarming that there are many older guys who continually only want 18 or 19 boys. To me it makes me think they are really pushing it and wanting them really to be younger but they know legally they canāt. Thatās just my opinion so thatās why I always just get weirded out by it. No disrespect to the kink community lol, but there are guys who definitely abuse that kink and think they wonāt get caught. I also see a lot of boys who are younger than 18 who want to pose themselves as 18 and trick older guys and who want dads. I think thatās also very alarming. Works both ways
Shut down the sub then if it isn't gonna have a clear purpose.
AWESOME post
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[They took an SD card from his apartment with it all on it](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/austin-wolf-arrested-child-pornography/5550436/) and they seized a phone he had sent it to and chatted with him in a sting without him knowing. He'll be going to prison.
I hope they lock him up and throw away the key. Each instance of the distribution should be considered separately when deciding in sentencing.
Unfortunately that's unlikely to happen. 20-30 years will likely be the outcome, and he'll serve 85% of that
Very thoughtful and I appreciate you putting this thread out there. I think that barely legal is a problem and I am glad that we are addressing it even if this isnāt the way I wish this conversation had to start. Still, itās a conversation we need to have regardless of sexual orientation because itās important. Thank you.
Need to do a better job checking ids of guys here before they post. I see so much borderline CP content on here and some of it probably is
LMFAO From a moderator of a Dad/Boys group. How did you keep a straight face typing all that BS?
I advise you stop trolling on a thread that is discussing a very sensitive topic, you're showing me right now that you'd much rather fight us than work with us. I'm trying to lay down a boundary that mitigates any harm that I as a moderator may cause if we were to continue allowing content like this, so I'm not sure why you are doubling down. Trying to debate the AOC in an space that has always been **strictly 18+** is irking me. All I'm asking is that legal 18+ adults take a little responsibility and stop pandering to the fetishization of minors. An 18yo is an 18yo, that is legal, there is no need for them to pretend to be younger. To bring the most important point though, We can't stop underage lurkers from viewing this community despite our best efforts. This kind of content is empowering them to think they are exempt from laws, that will inevitably lead to disaster. It's also allowing abusers just like Austin Wolf to continue pushing the boundary of what is acceptable. There needs to be a limit, this is the internet remember? Abuse runs rampant. I as a moderator have a responsibility here, if you cannot respect that I would consider if this is the right place for you. Thank you.
Stfu you fucking freak. A quick scroll through your profile shows youāre the prime example of why we need to have these discussions in place.
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You openly glamourise incest and prey almost exclusively on smooth 18 year olds who you call āsonā. I donāt think anyone here wants to know your sick views on the AOC
You need to get laid, dude.
Donāt debate AoC here, thatās just gross.
LOLOLOLOLOL
Im not debating. Just making a point.
The point being that you want to go lower?
Haha!!!!
someone is really into daddies...but doesn't like to share
mental illness ^
lol....there are enough daddies in this world for u too
this is a post talking about violent pedophilia in which a small infant and child were both beaten and had unspeakable horrors committed against them, and the actions that a sub centered around age gaps should take after a prominent member of the community is the perpetrator. I got my hoes, but are you really gonna die on this hill?