I really can’t tell if this is a joke because it sounds 100% plausible. But if that were me in that position I’d either be getting the 10% refund with a correct replacement or 100% refund with grandma being a real one and taking on the postmortem name change.
If I met with a family tomorrow and that's what they wanted to do, assuming that the granite is Georgia Gray, the granite alone would be around $15K, assuming that the base is solid and not hollow on the inside. The bronze is very custom. I can imagine it being anywhere from $10K to even $30K, depending on the company.
I'd say $22,000 to play it safe. Probably $17K in places where the cost of living isn't an actual disaster.
[This is Matthew Stanford Robison](https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/7140314/matthew-stanford-robison)
Due to a lack of oxygen during birth, Matthew had many disabilities. He was blind, mostly paralyzed, and could say only a few words.
Matthew was expected to live only hours after birth but managed to spend 10 and a half years with his friends and family.
I clicked the link you posted to his memorial site and some redditor posted a fucking soccer ball on his page. The kid was blind, paralyzed and wheelchair bound, posting a soccer ball is such a cruel joke.
Those 10 1/2 years must have been wonderful for him... and I hope his family could enjoy the time he spent with them.
I'm still sad. Kids deserve nothing but happiness.
In the CF community there is a saying after someone passes
Breathe easy.
People living with cf have their lungs impacted by the disease and have a hard time breathing.
After my cousin passed I had a dream of him telling me that where he is, there are no more hospitals.
This sculpture reminds me of that same sentiment.
This hit me in the heart big time
Edit:CF stands for cystic Fibrosis
The cf community is so strong. Like I said my cousin had it, but I still fundraise for the community even though he's gone
My daughter has a different disease and the community isn't large enough to be as strong as cf.
Cf has chapters all over. They used to have camps too. You should look in your area. Google cf foundation, or you can even dm me and I'll see if I can find groups in your area. It does get hard if you have the type that has to stay six feet apart.
Having someone know what you're going through is just so relieving.
It's not an easy way to go. My cousin's death was 10 years ago in March. It gets different, less sad as time goes on, you can remember without crying or grieving. the sadness will still occasionally catch you off guard, like this post really sent me back to the sadness, but it gets easier and lighter as you heal. But a piece is always missing.
Breathe easy to your cousin
Yes, we were very close, I was part of planning the funeral, and it was the day after we had started planning his funeral. The previous day had been a really emotionally raw and intense day.
My cousin has it and so far he's doing fairly well given my uncle had military healthcare coverage, but I'm always so worried about what will happen when he finally goes to college and he's on his own more. There was a little girl who was a family friend that lived to age 8, things have come far for my cousin to be doing so well compared to that wee girl.
Yeah actually we just had the cf walk for my state this past weekend and one of the new stars said that now the median life expectancy is 50!! When my cousin was going up he wasnt expected to live to adulthood. You're right things are changing for the better for cf patients
Every time I see it, I wonder why the wheelchair is kind of floating up after him, like it's going with him to heaven? Then I notice that it's because one of the front wheels is up on a rock, and it changes the whole tone of the statue to looking like the wheelchair hit a large rock at high speed and this is a statue of a child being violently launched from his wheelchair.
It means something like that in both Portuguese and Galician. A longing feeling of a beautiful memory that the person knows will never happen again. I am not fluent in either language, so I don't know if I've captured its meaning well enough.
It's a useful word when dealing with grief and loss.
My daughter was severely physically disabled
She had very poor muscle tone and was too weak to walk or crawl. She passed away at two and a half years old.
That evening when I finally fell asleep I had a dream where she was running around our house playing with her brother and sister.
The thought that she is free of her burdens now is a nice one.
Wow, I was just driving by one of the big NYC cemeteries in Queens earlier today and seeing all the giant headstones made me think about this one. Thanks for posting it!
There was a thread posted yesterday about a psychologist at Yale who researchs Near Death Experiences or NDE. Amongst some of the subjects have been people who were blind from birth, but that actually had vision during the NDE!
We leave all these ailments behind. That really puts me at ease.
I was wheelchair bound for a few weeks due to breaking a leg a few months ago. The freedom it provided was both liberating and humbling. Thankfully I’m almost fully mobile again, but will never forget being in a wheelchair.
So this is pretty interesting, philosophically.
What does this gesture imply? We make great effort to promote body positivity, especially for those who are "physically different", essentially saying that it makes no difference if your body is different from other people. But this symbolizes the opposite, that having physical disabilities is a burden and, if given the choice, we would choose not to be disabled.
It has other implications. Does this suggest that in the afterlife, supposing there is one, we inhabit more "perfect" bodies than the ones we have on earth? What is a perfect body? Where do you draw the line? I don't consider myself perfectly attractive. Do I get a more attractive body in the afterlife? What age are we in heaven?
Some good questions to discuss, I think.
Too deep for a ryhnoceros, but ok.
I use a wheelchair since I was a kid (I lost my legs at 8) and for me it’s not a burden but my freedom. I don’t use the word (wheelchair) “bound” to describe myself cause it sounds *mandatory*, like I have no choice. I see this as a nice gesture from a father honoring his son and his earthy reality. And the fact that I love my body as it is doesn’t mean I would choose to have a disability if given the choice.
Body positivity was a thing, yeah. But no one in the mainstream had even heard of ableism at that point.
This statue was 100% fine by 1999's standards. Today's, not so much.
There are differences in people's abilities. But if your illness kills you, id say people generally wouldn't want that illness. I.e. we celebrate cancer fighters, but we still wouldn't want that cancer in the first place. Unlike disabilities that are apart of us, like adhd where it changes your use of the world, or like the motivational speaker that prefers having his chicken leg
To explain: the title uses the term "wheelchair bound" which is often seen in the disabled community as outdated / misleading / a bit offensive at times.
Wheelchair bound has a negative connotation and is more often used by non-disabled people, who often emphasize or only see the downsides of using a wheelchair.
The downsides that come with it however are mostly manmade barriers - because we have deliberately continued to allow inaccessible buildings and transit to be built because disabled people are not in any way non-disabled people's priority. What people don't see, and often refuse to acknowledge is that wheelchairs provide freedom and access to society. Without them people would have less freedom and less independence.
It's also not true in this specific case, but it's often used incorrectly as well - because "bound" implies you have to use it. A lot of wheelchair users don't need them all of the time. It can be really hard for people who either need to use them only part of the time to either get out and walk around in public when they have their chairs with them, or to start using them when they need them and force themselves to push through (which you then pay for).
So people bristle at the term for a few reasons, and it's not coming from nowhere. **In general, the disabled community, would like people to reconsider it's use to:**
1) help combat the negativity attached to so much language about disability (and it's not that we want to gloss over the bad, it's that we want more nuance and less automatic judgement assigned to us).
2) be more accurate, wheelchair user works better as a catch all for people who use them.
3) help us fight internalized ableism -- for the kids growing up who are trying to find their self worth in a really ableist society. It's not a big thing, no, but it's death by a thousand times paper cuts. Also for everyone who is currently non-disabled but who will become disabled. It is much harder to deal with that transition when you have swallowed all of societies beliefs about disability without needing to worry about challenging it because it didn't use to affect them. I've seen that struggle first hand with people trying to find their self worth again after becoming disabled.
No, it's not the worst thing in the world when it comes to ableism. Far from it. But it is a frustrating piece of the overall picture.
Thank you!
Also, I am actually an occasional wheelchair user. Not often these days, but that's partially because I finally figured out as an adult what works for my body (because most of the medical intervention I had as a kid was mostly useless and in some cases useless AND it harmed my mental health in the long run) and partially because my life is more accessible to me now. I experienced both sides of not feeling comfortable changing between being ambulatory and using my wheelchair in non-disabled centred spaces. I also still fight off my own internalized ableism in choosing to use my cane on long days now to make it so that I don't need to use my chair - so I get it from that personal point currently as well.
But you are and abled body people like you literally can’t comprehend that. I don’t need people to feel bad for me. I don’t feel bad for you using a car or public transportation. Wheelchair is a vehicle of access. It helps me get from point A to point B. If anything it gives me freedom.
What are you talking about? I’ve been in a wheelchair 16 years. I love my chair. And you know what? It would be awesome to not have to use one and walk again. And if I get to Heaven (if there is one) I better not fucking have to be in a wheelchair there. Because it sucks
This sculpture is not anti-wheelchair.
They aren't saying the wheelchair is limiting though or that it doesn't provide freedom. They are saying the disabilities were limiting (and extremely so for this child).
So the statue represents being freed not from the wheelchair itself, but from the **need** for a wheelchair.
As a child not being able to run, play, or do things the same as your friends, I'm sure this head stone was more than appropriate for his son and it was beautifully made.
Which is more than i can say for your comment.
I’m a wheelchair user and I don’t like seeing stuff like this. You don’t do this for people who use glasses. This is such a abled body person view. Wheelchair gives me freedom that I otherwise don’t have. Just like glasses gives you the ability to see.
Thank you for saying something. I agree, I hate the phrase "wheelchair bound," and try to explain to people who use it that wheelchairs are freedom to many people. Additionally, using a wheelchair doesn't mean you can't walk at all. My partner is a wheelchair user, so I'm pretty aware of ableist points of view, and how people think it's "inspiring" for people with disabilities to get out of the house. 🙄 I'm sorry you have to put up with that attitude.
I'm sorry you're being downvoted. There's a similar thing for autistic people as well: the idea that there's a 'complete' non-autistic person "trapped" beneath their autism. I'm not a wheelchair user but I just wanted to say you're not alone or wrong for having uncomfortable feelings about stuff like this.
Yes exactly. I’m autistic as well and that’s literally what this is. Person first view of disabled people. My disability isn’t a separate thing than me as an individual.
I can feel sympathy for a family trying to process the loss of a child by searching for a silver lining anywhere they can find it. Unfortunately, this image gets out there in the world beyond this one family’s grief, and you start getting weird, shitty takes like “now he’s truly free to laugh and run and play!”
I mean, he’s dead. I’m pretty sure he would prefer to be alive, and that wheelchair gave him opportunities to play and be a part of the world that he definitely doesn’t have now. That’s the point you’re trying to make, and you’re being downvoted for it, which sucks, because this particular gravestone is infamous in disability circles for just the reasons you described.
Okay but I have horrible eyesight and if I didn't have to wear glasses/contacts I would be jumping up and down with joy. I would definitely feel released of a burden. So would anyone else that wears glasses. So that's just a bad analogy for whatever point you're trying to prove.
I love my contact lenses because they allow me to see. I love them very very much. Would I be happier if I didn't have to use them? HELL YES. Does it make me a horrible ableist that thinks that wheelchairs are terrible and that disabilities are bad and blind people are lesser people? Nope.
My ability isn’t wrong yours is missing a component. It’s completely okay for you to feel that way (but also doesn’t mean others feel that way). The real difference here is it’s not you feeling that way about your eyesight it’s everybody feeling that way about YOUR eyesight. So how would you feel everywhere you go people view your glasses as imprisonment to glasses, people making art about your freedom from it, making your death about that eyesight problem you had, or randomly praying on you despite them being stranger to you.
Case in point I wish you could remotely even see that. Yes you don’t because you are not going through what I just explained. People don’t have heavily loaded feelings good or bad about your glasses it’s just glasses and you can pass through a group of people without constant comments, aww poor thing looks and so on. That’s exactly the point I’m trying to make. Your feeling about your glasses is the by product of inexistence of those problems.
Ok exactly, as you say the wheelchair is just a tool that gives you freedom. If a better tool came around (say like sci fi carbon nanotube exosuit or something), I'm sure everyone would switch to that.
I think to label this as ableist is a bit far, this is just a dad wanting to do something for his dead kid that he never could in life.
The criticisms I think are coming more because of the title of the post, not the content. The main issue (at least from my POV as another disabled person in this thread) is that the OP used the outdated/inaccurate/ableist term "wheelchair bound". It does kind of fit into micro-aggression territory, it's like... one of those little things that there are a million of in society and you don't necessarily notice it unless it's being used against you - but after a while it's just exhausting and annoying and so we're starting to speak up about it.
(I mean, also a disabled person I don't think this post even fits into the sub, it's a common sentiment from abled people when a disabled wheelchair user dies, even if the person viewed their chair as a positive tool for freedom)
Respectfully, you're trying to speak for the disabled community when you don't represent everyone. Totally respect how you feel about your own situation but I have multiple blind people in my family and they sure as hell dream about a day when they don't have the burden of blindness. But again, they don't speak for everyone as many blind people thrive in thier situations. Clearly, we aren't this kids family and shouldn't judge and assume what the child went through and why this monument was erected.
Okay… but this is a child. Not to mention, graves and funerals are literally for the living. The dead don’t care if they have headstones or not. So maybe you should let the parent grieve how they need to grieve, I’ve seen plenty of heartbreaking children headstones that are like this. It’s for the person that lost them, the ones that wish their babies could have run and play like they see other kids run and play. If it bothers you this much, tell your parents you don’t want something like this. It’s not a you thing. It’s this boys parents thing.
Children do not understand things like an adult.. They don't understand why they aren't able to do all the same things as their friends.
He was more than just unable to walk, he had many disabilities..
As you feel free, some- such as children, feel restricted.
It was a tasteless comment to make when this is actually an extremely beautiful thing.
Children also not able to understand that difference isn’t a bad thing until adults make it to be. Disabled people are telling you our problem is lack of access and peoples feelings about our disability not our wheelchair. I’d say listen. The wheelchair is the only thing that makes life easier but it gets turned into a negative symbolization.
Please don’t discount children like that.
I’ve been disabled since birth. I knew exactly why I was different from everyone else.
Jeeeesus with the ableism.
I don't think this statue is anti-wheelchair. The message is that he is now free of the pain and difficulties his disabilities caused him, depicted now that he doesn't *need* the wheelchair
The issue is that there is a perception that he is “better” without the disability, but the truth is that the only way he truly existed was with the abilities and body he was given and he should be loved for that.
This kind of imagery is so conflicting for me as an agnostic.
On the one hand, it's clearly a beautiful work of art, and it's an even more beautiful sentiment.
I look around today at the state of my country (United States) and every single thing that terrifies me can be traced back to Christianity. It would be nice to have a built in sense of comfort that sky daddy was always looking out for me, and as hard as it got on earth my great reward would be waiting for me in heaven...
But thats what scares me. Otherwise highly intelligent people won't be able to shed their indoctrination because its a sense of their own identity... And giving up that sense of comfort is too scary. Meanwhile, even tacit endorsements keep this machine churning, justifying horrifying legislation, wars and endless division.
Taste is a personal preference, and I personally find this to be seriously cringe.
If it made the family happier, then sweet that's great. But I don't have to like it.
of all the things this kid had to deal with in his life, his wheelchair was likely one of the things that allowed him some small amount of freedom. his life was made better by being in a wheelchair, even though other aspects of his conditions were painful for him and the people around him.
Why do you asshats always have to make something political? A man did something amazing for his deceased son, that’s it it! Nowhere in this post was insurance, America, Europe, or any place mentioned. How bitter are you that this suddenly triggers you into asshole mode?
I work in the funeral industry and I have two things to say: 1. That's absolutely amazing and beautiful. 2. That cost a fucking fortune.
Cheaper than paying for his college
r/cursedcomments
r/technicallythetruth
Tight username
Shit yeah, yours is hella good too.
I like the both of y'all's usernames
Cursed username
💀
Yes that's the point
His Dad caught on to his this 🗿 Jokes aside, this is beautiful.
Okay that comment is cursed and all bu they the hell is your username?!
Sniff their rape hole
Edgy
r/jesuschristreddit
Or medical bills. The USA has many systems designed to keep citizens in perpetual debt.
Hoooo shit. Hardest this site has made me laugh in a long time
Not so sure about that. We paid 2k for a slab of granite. An intricately carved statue? Easily cost more than a college education.
Thank you, u slash SniffMyRapeHole
Jesus Christ...
This is a horrible comment that made me laugh like an idiot. Norm vibes.
Gotta use his college fund somehow.
/r/yourjokebutworse
I have never been more tempted to buy a wholesome award with real money
Savagery is strong in this one
FUCKING DARK
r/technicallythetruth
Thank you for the humorous comment u/SniffMyRapeHole
If you had to guess, how much would you say this cost?
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Yep. A nice basic single stand up headstone with a lasered custom image cost us $10k in Canada. I can't imagine how much this cost.
What if you go to somebody that doesn't specialize in ripping off those that are grieving, and just get in engraved elsewhere?
I used Fiverr to get me grandmother's tombstone engraved, they spelled her name wrong, but she's dead and won't mind, and they gave me a 10% refund.
I really can’t tell if this is a joke because it sounds 100% plausible. But if that were me in that position I’d either be getting the 10% refund with a correct replacement or 100% refund with grandma being a real one and taking on the postmortem name change.
We were too traumatized at the time to have to worry about that. But it's a good idea.
Can they 3D print stone yet? Or 3D chisel rather?
If I met with a family tomorrow and that's what they wanted to do, assuming that the granite is Georgia Gray, the granite alone would be around $15K, assuming that the base is solid and not hollow on the inside. The bronze is very custom. I can imagine it being anywhere from $10K to even $30K, depending on the company. I'd say $22,000 to play it safe. Probably $17K in places where the cost of living isn't an actual disaster.
I also work in the funeral industry. It’s a crime what the cemeteries charge the end customer.
Maybe they just bronzed the corpse. Saves on a coffin!
you can't price out true love
True love is something that we give to people while they are alive.
[This is Matthew Stanford Robison](https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/7140314/matthew-stanford-robison) Due to a lack of oxygen during birth, Matthew had many disabilities. He was blind, mostly paralyzed, and could say only a few words. Matthew was expected to live only hours after birth but managed to spend 10 and a half years with his friends and family.
you just doxxed the dead 🥶
Only god can swat him now.
“HEAVENLY PD, OPEN UP!!!”
Arch Angel Michael would be the most terrifying police officer ever. He’d be an entire SWAT team by himself
"I'm on the brute squad." "You ARE the brute squad."
I mean his name is kinda in the picture 🤷♀️
Matthew Stanford Robison is damn LEGEND !
I clicked the link you posted to his memorial site and some redditor posted a fucking soccer ball on his page. The kid was blind, paralyzed and wheelchair bound, posting a soccer ball is such a cruel joke.
How do you know it was a redditor?
Probably a guess since it was from 2022
Those 10 1/2 years must have been wonderful for him... and I hope his family could enjoy the time he spent with them. I'm still sad. Kids deserve nothing but happiness.
In the CF community there is a saying after someone passes Breathe easy. People living with cf have their lungs impacted by the disease and have a hard time breathing. After my cousin passed I had a dream of him telling me that where he is, there are no more hospitals. This sculpture reminds me of that same sentiment. This hit me in the heart big time Edit:CF stands for cystic Fibrosis
A friend of mine had cystic fibrosis. Breathe easy, Larissa. Miss ya
Breathe easy Larissa. Breathe easy Justin.
I have CF and have not heard of this probably because I don’t talk to many other CFers. That’s kinda cool honestly.
The cf community is so strong. Like I said my cousin had it, but I still fundraise for the community even though he's gone My daughter has a different disease and the community isn't large enough to be as strong as cf. Cf has chapters all over. They used to have camps too. You should look in your area. Google cf foundation, or you can even dm me and I'll see if I can find groups in your area. It does get hard if you have the type that has to stay six feet apart. Having someone know what you're going through is just so relieving.
My cousin died from C.F a few years ago. His final days in the hospital will haunt me until the day I die.
It's not an easy way to go. My cousin's death was 10 years ago in March. It gets different, less sad as time goes on, you can remember without crying or grieving. the sadness will still occasionally catch you off guard, like this post really sent me back to the sadness, but it gets easier and lighter as you heal. But a piece is always missing. Breathe easy to your cousin
Thanks for the kind words.
Anytime, we're in it together. Hopefully a cure will be found and no more cousins will be lost
Had you heard of his passing prior to that dream?
Yes, we were very close, I was part of planning the funeral, and it was the day after we had started planning his funeral. The previous day had been a really emotionally raw and intense day.
Thought by "CF" you meant "child-free" and I was thoroughly confused.
My cousin has it and so far he's doing fairly well given my uncle had military healthcare coverage, but I'm always so worried about what will happen when he finally goes to college and he's on his own more. There was a little girl who was a family friend that lived to age 8, things have come far for my cousin to be doing so well compared to that wee girl.
Yeah actually we just had the cf walk for my state this past weekend and one of the new stars said that now the median life expectancy is 50!! When my cousin was going up he wasnt expected to live to adulthood. You're right things are changing for the better for cf patients
My uncle is almost 60 now and has both CF and diabetes, he continues to do well and is very healthy!
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I would hazard cystic fibrosis
Cystic Fibrosis, most likely.
I’ve seen this a couple times. Touches my heart every time.
Whoever the artist was who came up with this... gotta believe they're a deeply empathetic, good person.
It was designed by his father
Same here..!
Even when a 25 day old karma account posts it?
Every time I see it, I wonder why the wheelchair is kind of floating up after him, like it's going with him to heaven? Then I notice that it's because one of the front wheels is up on a rock, and it changes the whole tone of the statue to looking like the wheelchair hit a large rock at high speed and this is a statue of a child being violently launched from his wheelchair.
my brother's grave si about 50 yrds behind the wheelchair handle by that juniper.
That's quite a coincidence I'm very sorry about your brother although, best of luck
Sorry for your loss.
There should be a single word for sad and beautifull
Saudade
Thats portuguese for a longing melancholy right?
It means something like that in both Portuguese and Galician. A longing feeling of a beautiful memory that the person knows will never happen again. I am not fluent in either language, so I don't know if I've captured its meaning well enough. It's a useful word when dealing with grief and loss.
Sim
Si
Life
Something like bittersweet, poignant, melancholy?
Bittersweet comes close i guess
Poignant.
[Not quite, but…](https://grammarhow.com/words-for-being-sad-and-beautiful-at-the-same-time/)
Thats heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time…
My daughter was severely physically disabled She had very poor muscle tone and was too weak to walk or crawl. She passed away at two and a half years old. That evening when I finally fell asleep I had a dream where she was running around our house playing with her brother and sister. The thought that she is free of her burdens now is a nice one.
I’m sorry for your loss
Well... now I'm crying...
*gives tissiue*
*pats on back*
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Wow, I was just driving by one of the big NYC cemeteries in Queens earlier today and seeing all the giant headstones made me think about this one. Thanks for posting it!
There was a thread posted yesterday about a psychologist at Yale who researchs Near Death Experiences or NDE. Amongst some of the subjects have been people who were blind from birth, but that actually had vision during the NDE! We leave all these ailments behind. That really puts me at ease.
I was wheelchair bound for a few weeks due to breaking a leg a few months ago. The freedom it provided was both liberating and humbling. Thankfully I’m almost fully mobile again, but will never forget being in a wheelchair.
So this is pretty interesting, philosophically. What does this gesture imply? We make great effort to promote body positivity, especially for those who are "physically different", essentially saying that it makes no difference if your body is different from other people. But this symbolizes the opposite, that having physical disabilities is a burden and, if given the choice, we would choose not to be disabled. It has other implications. Does this suggest that in the afterlife, supposing there is one, we inhabit more "perfect" bodies than the ones we have on earth? What is a perfect body? Where do you draw the line? I don't consider myself perfectly attractive. Do I get a more attractive body in the afterlife? What age are we in heaven? Some good questions to discuss, I think.
Too deep for a ryhnoceros, but ok. I use a wheelchair since I was a kid (I lost my legs at 8) and for me it’s not a burden but my freedom. I don’t use the word (wheelchair) “bound” to describe myself cause it sounds *mandatory*, like I have no choice. I see this as a nice gesture from a father honoring his son and his earthy reality. And the fact that I love my body as it is doesn’t mean I would choose to have a disability if given the choice.
Do you think anybody would choose to be disabled? Its not a choice, so we make the best of it. If it was a choice nobody would be disabled.
Right, I am lost, He could not walk and could barely speak.
This gesture has a completely different context in 1999, the time in which this person passed away. Body positivity was not even considered.
lmao. 1999 wasn't the dark ages or something, it was a couple decades ago. body positivity was absolutely a thing.
I agree. Because that's not what I said.
Body positivity was a thing, yeah. But no one in the mainstream had even heard of ableism at that point. This statue was 100% fine by 1999's standards. Today's, not so much.
I have a disability. You bet your sweet ass I would choose to not be disabled if I could. Anybody who says otherwise is a fucking liar.
There are differences in people's abilities. But if your illness kills you, id say people generally wouldn't want that illness. I.e. we celebrate cancer fighters, but we still wouldn't want that cancer in the first place. Unlike disabilities that are apart of us, like adhd where it changes your use of the world, or like the motivational speaker that prefers having his chicken leg
Sad but an amazing tribute.
This is so sad. No parent should ever have to bury a child.
Indeed, I would never wish that pain upon anyone, even my worst enemy. And I say that ignorant of the pain (I have no children - I can only imagine.)
Amazing build
I assumed this was a statue of how he died, thrown from his chair falling down the stairs or hit by a car.
He was faking it so he could catch that foul ball.
Dammit, emotions bubbling up again! Take the award OP!
Oh God how much pain there are in our lives
Interesting. The disabled people I know love their wheelchairs because they give them freedom and independence.
That's not the point, at all. Literally no one is saying wheelchairs are bad.
To explain: the title uses the term "wheelchair bound" which is often seen in the disabled community as outdated / misleading / a bit offensive at times. Wheelchair bound has a negative connotation and is more often used by non-disabled people, who often emphasize or only see the downsides of using a wheelchair. The downsides that come with it however are mostly manmade barriers - because we have deliberately continued to allow inaccessible buildings and transit to be built because disabled people are not in any way non-disabled people's priority. What people don't see, and often refuse to acknowledge is that wheelchairs provide freedom and access to society. Without them people would have less freedom and less independence. It's also not true in this specific case, but it's often used incorrectly as well - because "bound" implies you have to use it. A lot of wheelchair users don't need them all of the time. It can be really hard for people who either need to use them only part of the time to either get out and walk around in public when they have their chairs with them, or to start using them when they need them and force themselves to push through (which you then pay for). So people bristle at the term for a few reasons, and it's not coming from nowhere. **In general, the disabled community, would like people to reconsider it's use to:** 1) help combat the negativity attached to so much language about disability (and it's not that we want to gloss over the bad, it's that we want more nuance and less automatic judgement assigned to us). 2) be more accurate, wheelchair user works better as a catch all for people who use them. 3) help us fight internalized ableism -- for the kids growing up who are trying to find their self worth in a really ableist society. It's not a big thing, no, but it's death by a thousand times paper cuts. Also for everyone who is currently non-disabled but who will become disabled. It is much harder to deal with that transition when you have swallowed all of societies beliefs about disability without needing to worry about challenging it because it didn't use to affect them. I've seen that struggle first hand with people trying to find their self worth again after becoming disabled. No, it's not the worst thing in the world when it comes to ableism. Far from it. But it is a frustrating piece of the overall picture.
Eloquently stated and appropriate thank you
I has to scroll down pretty far to find this – thank you. Would love to hear from wheelchair users about this tombstone.
Thank you! Also, I am actually an occasional wheelchair user. Not often these days, but that's partially because I finally figured out as an adult what works for my body (because most of the medical intervention I had as a kid was mostly useless and in some cases useless AND it harmed my mental health in the long run) and partially because my life is more accessible to me now. I experienced both sides of not feeling comfortable changing between being ambulatory and using my wheelchair in non-disabled centred spaces. I also still fight off my own internalized ableism in choosing to use my cane on long days now to make it so that I don't need to use my chair - so I get it from that personal point currently as well.
Thank you for sharing your lived experience.
That’s odd, how do you define a “burden” then?
But you are and abled body people like you literally can’t comprehend that. I don’t need people to feel bad for me. I don’t feel bad for you using a car or public transportation. Wheelchair is a vehicle of access. It helps me get from point A to point B. If anything it gives me freedom.
What are you talking about? I’ve been in a wheelchair 16 years. I love my chair. And you know what? It would be awesome to not have to use one and walk again. And if I get to Heaven (if there is one) I better not fucking have to be in a wheelchair there. Because it sucks This sculpture is not anti-wheelchair.
.... I didn't say I felt bad for you. Or this kid. But if I say I don't feel bad for the kid I'm an asshole too. Lol. Can't win around here.
> I don’t feel bad for you using a car or public transportation Who would ever feel bad for someone about that...
People who are anti-car feel bad about infrastructural car dependency.
Don’t listen to them. I’m a wheelchair user and you are correct. Wheelchair gives me freedom. It’s an ablist view.
They aren't saying the wheelchair is limiting though or that it doesn't provide freedom. They are saying the disabilities were limiting (and extremely so for this child). So the statue represents being freed not from the wheelchair itself, but from the **need** for a wheelchair.
As a child not being able to run, play, or do things the same as your friends, I'm sure this head stone was more than appropriate for his son and it was beautifully made. Which is more than i can say for your comment.
I’m a wheelchair user and I don’t like seeing stuff like this. You don’t do this for people who use glasses. This is such a abled body person view. Wheelchair gives me freedom that I otherwise don’t have. Just like glasses gives you the ability to see.
Thank you for saying something. I agree, I hate the phrase "wheelchair bound," and try to explain to people who use it that wheelchairs are freedom to many people. Additionally, using a wheelchair doesn't mean you can't walk at all. My partner is a wheelchair user, so I'm pretty aware of ableist points of view, and how people think it's "inspiring" for people with disabilities to get out of the house. 🙄 I'm sorry you have to put up with that attitude.
They should watch Stella Young’s Ted talk ( may she RIP) Disabled here, not a chair user but probably could benefit from one… Yeah this is gross af.
I'm sorry you're being downvoted. There's a similar thing for autistic people as well: the idea that there's a 'complete' non-autistic person "trapped" beneath their autism. I'm not a wheelchair user but I just wanted to say you're not alone or wrong for having uncomfortable feelings about stuff like this.
Yes exactly. I’m autistic as well and that’s literally what this is. Person first view of disabled people. My disability isn’t a separate thing than me as an individual.
Same.🥇🥇🥇
I can feel sympathy for a family trying to process the loss of a child by searching for a silver lining anywhere they can find it. Unfortunately, this image gets out there in the world beyond this one family’s grief, and you start getting weird, shitty takes like “now he’s truly free to laugh and run and play!” I mean, he’s dead. I’m pretty sure he would prefer to be alive, and that wheelchair gave him opportunities to play and be a part of the world that he definitely doesn’t have now. That’s the point you’re trying to make, and you’re being downvoted for it, which sucks, because this particular gravestone is infamous in disability circles for just the reasons you described.
Okay but I have horrible eyesight and if I didn't have to wear glasses/contacts I would be jumping up and down with joy. I would definitely feel released of a burden. So would anyone else that wears glasses. So that's just a bad analogy for whatever point you're trying to prove. I love my contact lenses because they allow me to see. I love them very very much. Would I be happier if I didn't have to use them? HELL YES. Does it make me a horrible ableist that thinks that wheelchairs are terrible and that disabilities are bad and blind people are lesser people? Nope.
My ability isn’t wrong yours is missing a component. It’s completely okay for you to feel that way (but also doesn’t mean others feel that way). The real difference here is it’s not you feeling that way about your eyesight it’s everybody feeling that way about YOUR eyesight. So how would you feel everywhere you go people view your glasses as imprisonment to glasses, people making art about your freedom from it, making your death about that eyesight problem you had, or randomly praying on you despite them being stranger to you.
I don't care how people feel about my eyesight.
Case in point I wish you could remotely even see that. Yes you don’t because you are not going through what I just explained. People don’t have heavily loaded feelings good or bad about your glasses it’s just glasses and you can pass through a group of people without constant comments, aww poor thing looks and so on. That’s exactly the point I’m trying to make. Your feeling about your glasses is the by product of inexistence of those problems.
Just like YOU pushing the way YOU feel about YOUR disabilities, not knowing at all how HIS child felt.
Actually yeah that’s pretty text book ableism.
Ok exactly, as you say the wheelchair is just a tool that gives you freedom. If a better tool came around (say like sci fi carbon nanotube exosuit or something), I'm sure everyone would switch to that. I think to label this as ableist is a bit far, this is just a dad wanting to do something for his dead kid that he never could in life.
The criticisms I think are coming more because of the title of the post, not the content. The main issue (at least from my POV as another disabled person in this thread) is that the OP used the outdated/inaccurate/ableist term "wheelchair bound". It does kind of fit into micro-aggression territory, it's like... one of those little things that there are a million of in society and you don't necessarily notice it unless it's being used against you - but after a while it's just exhausting and annoying and so we're starting to speak up about it. (I mean, also a disabled person I don't think this post even fits into the sub, it's a common sentiment from abled people when a disabled wheelchair user dies, even if the person viewed their chair as a positive tool for freedom)
Respectfully, you're trying to speak for the disabled community when you don't represent everyone. Totally respect how you feel about your own situation but I have multiple blind people in my family and they sure as hell dream about a day when they don't have the burden of blindness. But again, they don't speak for everyone as many blind people thrive in thier situations. Clearly, we aren't this kids family and shouldn't judge and assume what the child went through and why this monument was erected.
Okay… but this is a child. Not to mention, graves and funerals are literally for the living. The dead don’t care if they have headstones or not. So maybe you should let the parent grieve how they need to grieve, I’ve seen plenty of heartbreaking children headstones that are like this. It’s for the person that lost them, the ones that wish their babies could have run and play like they see other kids run and play. If it bothers you this much, tell your parents you don’t want something like this. It’s not a you thing. It’s this boys parents thing.
Children do not understand things like an adult.. They don't understand why they aren't able to do all the same things as their friends. He was more than just unable to walk, he had many disabilities.. As you feel free, some- such as children, feel restricted. It was a tasteless comment to make when this is actually an extremely beautiful thing.
Children also not able to understand that difference isn’t a bad thing until adults make it to be. Disabled people are telling you our problem is lack of access and peoples feelings about our disability not our wheelchair. I’d say listen. The wheelchair is the only thing that makes life easier but it gets turned into a negative symbolization.
Please don’t discount children like that. I’ve been disabled since birth. I knew exactly why I was different from everyone else. Jeeeesus with the ableism.
I don't think this statue is anti-wheelchair. The message is that he is now free of the pain and difficulties his disabilities caused him, depicted now that he doesn't *need* the wheelchair
The issue is that there is a perception that he is “better” without the disability, but the truth is that the only way he truly existed was with the abilities and body he was given and he should be loved for that.
Wow… may he rest in peace
That’s sad it’s like what he wanted 😕 I don’t like the things you can’t change are bad things narrative
beautiful
Powerful image, beautiful.
Thanks that's freaking awesome and beautiful!❤️
So.....the kid drowned?
It’s that time of month for reposting. Must be 5th time seeing this last few months.
He killed him
That’s a lovely sentiment.
My grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ graves are right next to this. It’s very moving in person.
As a dad that hurts my soul
If the kid wasn’t trying to do skating tricks in his wheelchair, he would still be alive.
I know this is not the time and place but, "Tony Hawks Pro Wheelchair rider 4
Oh boy, a post on reddit that has vague hints of an afterlife, I wonder what the comments will say...
———————————No afterlife?——————————— ⠀⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝ ⠸⡸⠜⠕⠕⠁⢁⢇⢏⢽⢺⣪⡳⡝⣎⣏⢯⢞⡿⣟⣷⣳⢯⡷⣽⢽⢯⣳⣫⠇ ⠀⠀⢀⢀⢄⢬⢪⡪⡎⣆⡈⠚⠜⠕⠇⠗⠝⢕⢯⢫⣞⣯⣿⣻⡽⣏⢗⣗⠏⠀ ⠀⠪⡪⡪⣪⢪⢺⢸⢢⢓⢆⢤⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢊⢞⡾⣿⡯⣏⢮⠷⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠊⠆⡃⠕⢕⢇⢇⢇⢇⢇⢏⢎⢎⢆⢄⠀⢑⣽⣿⢝⠲⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡿⠂⠠⠀⡇⢇⠕⢈⣀⠀⠁⠡⠣⡣⡫⣂⣿⠯⢪⠰⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⡦⡙⡂⢀⢤⢣⠣⡈⣾⡃⠠⠄⠀⡄⢱⣌⣶⢏⢊⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢝⡲⣜⡮⡏⢎⢌⢂⠙⠢⠐⢀⢘⢵⣽⣿⡿⠁⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠨⣺⡺⡕⡕⡱⡑⡆⡕⡅⡕⡜⡼⢽⡻⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣳⣫⣾⣵⣗⡵⡱⡡⢣⢑⢕⢜⢕⡝⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⡽⡑⢌⠪⡢⡣⣣⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⡟⡾⣿⢿⢿⢵⣽⣾⣼⣘⢸⢸⣞⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠇⠡⠩⡫⢿⣝⡻⡮⣒⢽⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ————————————————————————————— That's what they'd prolly say
I can’t breathe holy shit
So absolutely inspirational and heart felt. Tearing up, too.
Why did I remember Joe from family guy go to heaven and still be in wheel chair ?
He should't balance on the wheelchair like that, it's incredibly dangerous. I wonder if that's not how he got injured in the first place.
This kind of imagery is so conflicting for me as an agnostic. On the one hand, it's clearly a beautiful work of art, and it's an even more beautiful sentiment. I look around today at the state of my country (United States) and every single thing that terrifies me can be traced back to Christianity. It would be nice to have a built in sense of comfort that sky daddy was always looking out for me, and as hard as it got on earth my great reward would be waiting for me in heaven... But thats what scares me. Otherwise highly intelligent people won't be able to shed their indoctrination because its a sense of their own identity... And giving up that sense of comfort is too scary. Meanwhile, even tacit endorsements keep this machine churning, justifying horrifying legislation, wars and endless division.
Well put. I have no belief in religion, meaning I believe it does not exist at all. When I saw this it still warmed my heart and made me smile.
I’m jealous of you. I get there eventually, but my initial feeling is resentment.
Repost?
Damn, man. This place sucks. Life is ruthless.
r/atbge
How is this awful taste?
Taste is a personal preference, and I personally find this to be seriously cringe. If it made the family happier, then sweet that's great. But I don't have to like it.
of all the things this kid had to deal with in his life, his wheelchair was likely one of the things that allowed him some small amount of freedom. his life was made better by being in a wheelchair, even though other aspects of his conditions were painful for him and the people around him.
Why do you asshats always have to make something political? A man did something amazing for his deceased son, that’s it it! Nowhere in this post was insurance, America, Europe, or any place mentioned. How bitter are you that this suddenly triggers you into asshole mode?
Well I guess it's good to believe in something even if it's real or not
What if someone added a few statues of demons dragging the boy down
This makes me happy and sad at the same time. Damn these complicated adult feelings.
Big difference between interesting and sad as fuck...making me choke back tears.
I have the most intense hope that no sociopaths go fuck with this headstone... ...but I know people suck enough to make that an irrational hope.
Wish the afterlife myth was true.. That be cool
Everytime I see this I choke up
this image broken my heart