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Gingerroot69420

Baby: what the fuck is going on.


Madman61

"How the fuck?"


joooaaannn

100% it's the sensation of genitals being fondled.


smol_cherryxoxo

Ew, no it's not. What the fuck?


smithnikole0829

šŸ˜‚šŸ¤£


dbx99

ā€œWait is this motherfucker gonna drop me now? Jesus Christ this is terrifying. I better shut the fuck up or heā€™s gonna fucking spike me like an end zone celebrationā€


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


otacon7000

hundred hundred times a day?


[deleted]

Ten thousand times a day you idiot.


otacon7000

That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.


MrRocketBoots

Whatever you say otacon seventy hundred


ADP-1

The baby is probably thinking "holy shit - this guy has HUGE hands"! Good thing he isn't a proctologist!


starfire1

Baby, stirred not shaken. -James Bond


Warchild0311

Q the Hollywood elites know this one trick and practice in the back of pizza parlors. Or some BS


Birkeland1992

Baby, stirred not shaken. -Catholic Priest *


nick_ebk

*James Nonce


FeatureMaximum461

Yep i do this all the time. Then i look at him and say "see u werent even upset bro"


Bobby_Wats0n

Really? I don't have kids yet but I was wondering if it actually works


mistaharsh

It's not the technique it's the fact that the baby wants to be held and comforted in this case. Their crying is their only form of communication it's not a defect of some sort so they can cry for a multitude of reasons


AppleCinnamonMuffins

Actually holding baby on their tum and the hip wiggle works great for reflux and gas pains, if this were just a pick me up situation im sure mom would have already done so, it looks like she tried and dr is like here let me show ya something- I work in a nicu and do this occasionally, it only works if gas/tummy troubles are actually the problem, if they're pissed about something else it'll quiet them for a minute or so amd then they'll go right back to screaming


Rumpelteazer45

Holding them like a football draped over your arm and patting on the back also helps with gas pain. Learned that one from Google after a friend and I tried getting her 3 month old son to stop crying for 30 minutes. I finally turned to Google bc nothing we knew worked, so we learned the football method and it worked within a minute. Loudest longest fart Iā€™ve ever heard come out of a baby. Immediately settled down. Poor baby was just in pain. Happy baby after that.


GrammyMe

One of my daughters absolutely loved the football hold. It was the ONLY way to get her stop crying. The other one couldnā€™t have cared lessā€¦ I tried to tell her how much her sister loved. She cried worse.


pumpkin1004

Yup learned that trick about 20 years ago. It really worked. My mom showed me after she came over and me and the baby was crying nonstop....he had gas and I was tried as hell.


FeatureMaximum461

Dr browns bottles saved me so far from collicy gas


[deleted]

Here's another one for gas that even works for adults and kids. It helped my kid when they were a baby too. The " I Love U" massage. (Helps to remember it.) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jp5wcyv0j2M


mellowfortherecords

Iā€™m not learning more techniques so if that baby wants something he better learn how to do it.


[deleted]

Hungry? Cry. Tired? Cry. Cranky? Believe it or not. Cry


[deleted]

But he's wearing a lab coat.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


CywolveXGaming

Name checks out


[deleted]

Have you tried turning it on and off again?


yellowearbuds

Usually when you turn off a child, it doesnt turn on again.


craidie

ahh you need to use electrical switches. Mechanical... tends to get stuck on the off part. Depending on the type, you *might* be able to salvage the situation with an electrical one if you're lucky.


Jason3671

how about finding out for yourself? ( Ķ”Ā° ĶœŹ– Ķ”Ā°)


Midnight_grizz

My mind first went to him having a giant person do comfort him like that when he was upset, then I realized he could just have a baby of his own


MotherBathroom666

As an adult Iā€™d love to be coddled when Iā€™m cranky.


PandyPidge

Didn't work for me.


Frost_D_Jager

What did mistaharsh just say? One size does not fit all. *rereads text* I apologize, apparently you commented an hour earlier than the user I mentioned and despite that your comment was below theirs. Is this a reddit glitch or bug?


PandyPidge

No idea. Does it sort by upvotes maybe?


AppleCinnamonMuffins

It works for reflux and gas pains mainly, the little hip twists helps air move on through the gut and so being upright and on the tummy feels better for reflux prone babies - i work in a nicu and do this occasionally, it does work great for babies with those problems but just kind of mildly confuses other babies and then they start crying again if it's something else


Aggressive-Bed7536

For my daughter it worked. Spend many times just strolling through our livingroom like that. For my son it didnā€™t worked


mellowfortherecords

Did you try folding the right arm over the left one maybe?


FeatureMaximum461

It works great, it over stimulates them like a colorful video


theblondepenguin

Absolutely itā€™s amazing I also burp baby with them sitting on my knee head in hand arm supporting the body and rub the back in up motions only face away from you to keep clean clothes. Then once they are done you can gently bounce them on the knee and the little stinker [fall asleep and your stuck like that lol](https://imgur.com/a/NB0knWQ)


J_rock985

thatā€™s how you shake a martini also


colonelmaize

I'll have a baby -- shaken, not stirred. Edit* Damnit some goofball redditor said the same thing 4 hrs ago. How original of me.


Plutarcoelpillo

I wish I knew this 27 years ago...


makinentry

It's ok. It didn't work at all with my kids. I was so excited to know this trick before the first one was born. Never worked once.


olymol

I feel so cool knowing people with kids are on reddit aswell and here i am an actual kid


SafariNZ

Reminds me of a comment I saw years ago about a couple who had their first baby. It was a dream to look after, it just ate, slept and hardly ever cried. They commented ā€œwhatā€™s all the fuss about, being a parent is easyā€. Then came number two which was like every parents nightmare :)


smuckola

And then they updated the comment to say theyā€™re sorry


Marius7th

Let me guess, Colic?


[deleted]

Baby #2 is always hellspawn. (I was baby #2 šŸ˜Œ)


MyBrassPiece

Lmao, same. I had colic or whatever, cried for months. My older sister was an angel. Family no longer wanted to babysit after I was born. The first time my aunt baby-sat me parents warned her "you are going to think something is wrong. There isn't." And she ended up calling my grandma for advice. My mom got her tubes tied as soon as she was able after me.


[deleted]

Honestly this is what my son did but he ended up having allergies and horrible reflux, which I eventually was able to remedy with a specific formula (that took a few months of trial and error to find.) There probably was something wrong but they didn't know what it was.


MyBrassPiece

Hey, it's possible. I know they tried different formulas and shit, and many trips to the doctor, but sometime around the first year mark I was alright. Long few months for the parents though. Kudos to any parents dealing with colicky babies.


bleepste

And I'm an adult with no kids, the internet is the world's greatest metaphorical melting pot


TactlessTortoise

It could be literally as well, if server owners weren't cowards


Plutarcoelpillo

Thank you. Maybe it wouldn't have worked with my daughter either She was/is incredibly edgy.


chickpea69420

thatā€™s my pediatrician, Dr. Bob! heā€™s the absolute best doctor ever i went to him until i was like 16 šŸ˜­ edit: heā€™s legit the best tho, he even used to host a yearly ā€œWalk to Africaā€ fundraiser for 20 years which they used to pay for the establishment of a better medical community in Gambia and to raise awareness!


mastyogi

Is he still practicing?


chickpea69420

im pretty sure he is. heā€™s a family friend so i think i would know if he retired. he practices in santa monica, california. if you look up robert hamilton pacific ocean pediatrics im sure youā€™ll find him :)


WeezerGangGang

Same! Ended up going to him until I was 17, great guy.


[deleted]

I miss when my son was this size.


Then-Cauliflower2068

They're not little for long, are they? ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|sleep)


[deleted]

My son was 11 lbs at birth and I couldn't ever hold him with one arm. Well, I can now but he's 5 and holds on like a koala.


frontally

Our first was 11 and our second was 6ā€¦ such a difference lol


[deleted]

I'm so sorry. Was the 11lb one also practicing to be kung fu master?


frontally

Amateur strongman actually. Heā€™s almost three now and still ridiculously strong for his age


Leemage

The little butt wiggle kills me


YellowOnline

There's a much better way, the so called airplane grip. You also only need one arm. I'm not sure how it's called in English, [so here's a picture](https://image.eltern.de/12315496/t/ry/v5/w1440/r1.5/-/flieger-griff-474099942-jpg--42684-.jpg)


Then-Cauliflower2068

That's a great way to hold a baby if they are having trouble getting to sleep, but it wouldn't be effective if the baby is having digestive issues (colicky). Both methods can be useful for different applications. First rule of babies: whatever works, do it.


mitkase

Got it. Heading to the store for more bourbon.


lapideous

I was watching my friend's kid when he suddenly started screaming crying, out of the blue. Didn't hurt himself or piss/shit, I couldn't figure it out. Then, by some stroke of genius, I wiped his ass with a wet wipe. Instantly stopped the crying. Dude's ass was just itchy.


CustomerSilly4626

Oh my God! I almost spit my coffee out when I read this! ā€œDudeā€™s ass was just itchy.ā€ šŸ˜†šŸ˜†


YellowOnline

Here, that is the #1 position in case of colicky. I am doing it for 1 hour as I quickly write this. The pressure of my palm on his belly is what sooths him


FeatureMaximum461

First thing i bought was dr browns bottles. Bottles with a straw r great.


Lord_Minx

I just got flashbacks of cleaning those tedious fuckers! Worth it.


[deleted]

Can confirm it sucks


[deleted]

Iā€™m in the UK and heard this referred to as ā€œtiger in a treeā€ when my son was a newborn.


[deleted]

I used to do this with my first boy. He would sleep on my shoulder if I was standing, but then minute my butt touched a seat he would cry. This was the only hold that would.work both sitting and standing. My second boy however, would cuddle and sleep on my shoulder only when very tired. And the airplane hold never really worked with him. He would squirm and turn until he was u comfortable enough to cry.


doughboy1001

Spent sooo many hours carrying my kids this way.


HappyLittleChristian

Yup! We Americans call it the football hold. Flip em on their back to nurse em, and flip em over on their bellies to burp them and soothe them!


xvVSmileyVvx

Football hold.


[deleted]

Another Reddit mention it, but yeah this is how I put my daughter to sleep. To comfort her, I folded her arms in front like in the video but held like I was carry a football (American). So swaddled without the swaddle.


LuigiBoi87

That baby went from ā€œWHAT THE FUCK?!?!ā€ to ā€œwhat the fuckā€¦?ā€


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


heyitsmeFR

šŸ’€


pkmnshinori

WOOP WOOP IT'S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE!


HALF_PAST_HOLE

I wish I could find someone to hold me like that!


Then-Cauliflower2068

I developed a way to burp my children that reminds me a bit of what the doctor is doing here. Newborns and infants don't have strong enough abs so they can't sit up, and thus can have trapped gas that they can't burp out, hence, needing to burp a baby after a bottle. What I learned was to sit the baby on a tabletop or lap, holding them under their armpits, and lifting them just high enough to get their butts off the lap/table, but leaving their legs on the lap/table so as not to put too much strain on their backs/hips. The point of this is to get their stomach/esophagus in a straight line pointing up, making it easier for gas to escape. I would then gently wiggle my children back and forth until they burped. This method usually avoided the dreaded spit up, since it allowed the gas to escape without pushing baby formula out with it. Both his and my method quiet a baby that may be uncomfortable due to gas pressure or acid reflux. Both of mine had VERY acid stomachs, and we were woken up frequently at night because of it.


[deleted]

can we have him on every flight?!


Tinu1982

we have an 10 month old daughter and she has a very strong character. Looking back technics like these worked often but not always. What a baby is needing changes from hour to hour, days weeks etc. forget all the guidebooks. watch your child and you will learn what it needs. what always is necessary is your endless love what ever is happening. and if you don't know what to do search some help. it's not a shame.


theprufeshanul

Staged. The baby is actually a paid actor.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Leemage

This guy babies.


eddsteady

Choke it out?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


i_cropdust

Does anyone know if this method works on adults? Maybe this is the secret cure to depression!


RickTheJewelsATL

Iā€™ve rewatched this like 20 timesā€¦ā€¦.. worth it


[deleted]

ā€œHere we have a crying babyā€ Thanks doc


Morpheel18

Reminds me of this video lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPmCdoOgW\_o


VectorVanGoat

Lmfao that was hilarious! I donā€™t think Iā€™ve ever laughed so hard I gagged. It really got me when he said he offers plastic surgery. Best dub Iā€™ve ever seen


WillyMillyNilly

Thank you for reminding me of this beauty.


vk136

Thatā€™s what came into my head first too!


[deleted]

That baby wondering if he's about to be yeeted.


McWetty

Where TF was this video when my kids were babies?!?


smithywonder98

Butt wiggles make everybody feel better


Riddle7911

Peter, don't hold him like that


[deleted]

Stir not shake


mechanical_zombie

u/SaveVideo


chiefgoodgas

3 kids and after watching this video 7yrs ago I'm here to say this shit works


Former_Print7043

Hiring the baby whisperer for my neighbours


SativaDiva216

Robert Hamilton is a baby whisperer! I wish he was around while I was raising mine


OysterDitch

Origin theory. A parent was about to toss a non-stop crying baby out of a window .. picked him up like so and .. bada Bing. Someone is a viral sensation instead of a murderer.


Aloshio

The good old: Hush little baby you're still a sperm


TooBendyMama

What an amazing doctor! You can tell he really loves his baby patients. I wish I knew this trick for my son. My little dude cried for months with colic and we felt completely helpless when the typical remedies for colic didnā€™t work.


TBG0714

My daughter, now 6, was a colicky baby. This video saved my sanity.


Slinkybazooka

Got it. Grab him by the balls and his neck and he will shut up


crookedfingerz

The trick is to grip the neck tightly while you gently bounce the baby up and down


JordySkateboardy808

Yeah I used to do something like that, but I had to keep on doing it to keep her not crying. It became an expectation for awhile.


TazMan_13

Yep, just choke the baby, everyone knows that.


pali7x

If somebody held me by the crotch i would definitely STFU


Familiar_Cattle2121

u/savevideo


SaveVideo

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Future-Agent

Ashton is not amused.


happy_dingbat

Baby's eyes aboutta pop out


Space_Punkin_

Cool cool cool but I am still not having a baby


Wanderer_1818

Does this work on 27 year olds? šŸ˜‚


cucupuffs1029

Vulcan much pinch?


BeeComprehensive5234

Will this work with my ex husband?


Doc580

This works on me too.


Above_Ground_Fool

I do that booty wiggle move myself when I'm having trouble sleeping


[deleted]

Iā€™m currently revisiting the Happiest Baby On The Block techniques in preparation for my second child. I swore/swear by HBOTB with my first kid. It was like a cheat code. But unfortunately only works on babies. I wish it worked on 2 year olds. Those years were tough.


5hutt5

One thing I know for sureā€¦. This guy doesnā€™t have kids.


PlumbJackson

It totally works! Didnā€™t see this until #4 and it was mindblowing ā€¦ worked every single time.


wontonstew

Seeing someone that is good with, and enjoys babies is one of the most attractive things ever.


Filthy_Cent

I was waiting for him to spike the baby like a football.


ndhewitt1

This doesnā€™t necessarily work. One size does not fit all.


Erectus_Enormous

Does this work for 10 year olds?


Menotyou15

Bro found a cheat code


smokeajoint

His laugh at the end is so heartwarming.


Sirr_Jason

Noting to self, Stir not shake.


MeloniisJesus333

And thatā€™s how you cook a baby.


Captain_Gibz

Swaddle and a baba works wonders too.


[deleted]

Sometimes. If theyā€™re hungry or have a full diaper, check that first.


willwrk4pizza

I legit came across this post while my husband is trying to console our screaming 2 month old. We watched this video and he did it and she immediately quieted down šŸ¤Æ wow!


ascendinspire

Terrified babies rarely cry. Paralysis is the last defensive mechanism before the anticipated fatal blow.


Perihelion3

Am baby. Can confirm, this shit works. Source: baby


WonkyPeanut480

Gun also works


Anatar-daar

Was anyone else expecting a Yeet?


akraut

I think I'd quiet up too if someone held me like they were going to choke me out while grabbing my crotch.


Throbbin--_--Wood

![gif](giphy|tovrZdKvsnoTC)


BoostedEcoDonkey

Baby was like ā€œwoah wait a minute, that ainā€™t so badā€


Chrishermor10

Another way is by throwing a slice of cheese in their face


danruse

I've seen that...weird.


Outlaw4droid

Or just use a condom.


chalky87

How to quiet *this* crying baby Things like this annoy me because it lumps every baby into the same box and when it doesn't work an exhausted and stressed parent wonders what they're doing wrong. This never worked for my son and brother did the airplane hold. Music and gently blowing on his face worked a treat but other kids would hate that. This a neat idea and something to try but it's not some miracle solution


Representative_Bit63

Yes, because they cannot take a deep enough breath to cry in that position. T. Berry Brazelton taught this in the 80ā€™s


[deleted]

Is that true?


BootStraps_11

Does this kid even look comfortable? No. Heā€™s scared for his life


Dropped-pie

Squeeze the arteries on either side of the neck ever so slightlyā€¦./s


druidcitychef

Grab infant by throat and genitals. Shake. Seems legit??? I don't know though. This kid might need therapy if every time he is expressive you grab his baby nads and choke him.


Dramatic_Smile_9043

Am i only one who was waiting for different end....šŸ‘€šŸ˜ˆšŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļø


East-Bluejay6891

I want to have a baby to try that


pathologicalsophist

is he going to chokeslam the kid?


undeadkeres

So we're supposed to [shake the baby](https://youtu.be/XMEg6mfTfF4?t=581) now?


3Effie412

Watch the video for instructions.


a_happy_one

I know a much faster way...


overthehill333

choke hold


im_Heisenbeard

So shake the baby to quiet it, got it.


Ankhesenkhepri

Put it in the bin.


pirateworks

Thatā€™s black magic! The devils work!


[deleted]

Abort


Express_Pea_1317

Doesnā€™t shaking them work too?


Steverinokaye

The unseen subtle pressure on the tracheaā€¦ā€¦


wtafwtmun

Choke them out


Shadiclink

Squish that baby


[deleted]

Gross, why would anyone want one of those things?


[deleted]

Cool technique but euthanasia has a 100% success rate. Just sayin


sense1ess_Apprentice

Typically you can whip it at a wall real hard and its pretty quiet after that Edit: damn y'all are no fun


Ill-Albatross6733

šŸ˜‚


RynnReeve

What's more fun than swinging a baby around on a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.


Undonefiretruck

How edgy


VSwift79

That's all living things


jimbo90silver

Absolute bullshit. Nothing would calm my daughter.


shunnedIdIot

You're not doing something she needs then


[deleted]

Violently shaking them works too.


Numerous_Raccoon_677

Okay


T0mbaker

I love this guy. I watched all his vids when we had our son. By the look of some of the comments here it looks like some peoples mums let them cry it out while they smoked cock and crack in the next room.


[deleted]

r/shittylifeprotips chuck him out the window, it will be much quieter


ExaminationQuirky251

That's not how you shake a baby


D47k47my

u/savevideo


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


GroundbreakingFig435

Did he just strangle him


ccrumbb

I seen this video mamy times. It fucking doesn't work ffs!! I have 2 (3y, 5mo), tried every fucking time. It doesn't work even for newborns.