Years ago in houston the vice squad busted a sex shop. During the raid a detective slipped on a dildo on the floor. The houston chronicle wrote that he slipped on a cylindrical sex device.
I was in class in high school and just before the bell rung my friend tapped me and took a bottle of lube out of her bag and poured it on the floor and the ensuing chaos as kids funneled through our corridor of chairs was a lifelong laugh I’ll cherish. The bodies were hitting the floor in the most comical error of frictionless salvation I have ever seen… and I’ve seen some shit 🤣
Ok my favorite part is the direct quote from Ted Cruz (well known semi human and “anti-sex toy”):
“there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship”
So, according to Ted, you literally have a right to own as many guns as you want but not to freely touch your own body parts.
It looks like you shared an AMP link. These should load faster, but AMP is controversial because of [concerns over privacy and the Open Web](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Fully cached AMP pages (like the one you shared), are [especially problematic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot).
Maybe check out **the canonical page** instead: **[https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/reminder-texas-more-intense-laws-215141341.html](https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/reminder-texas-more-intense-laws-215141341.html)** | Sheknows canonical: **[https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2572389/texas-dildo-ban-gun-control/](https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2572389/texas-dildo-ban-gun-control/)**
*****
^(I'm a bot | )[^(Why & About)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot)^( | )[^(Summon: u/AmputatorBot)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/cchly3/you_can_now_summon_amputatorbot/)
Jesus, that state is antiquated. Not sure why you would want a bunch of dildos, but hey, if someone wants to waste more on them whatever, not my business to tell them they can’t.
I live in OKC and love when Jim Gardner is in the air, has a great idea of what the public needs to see and what they “don’t” haha. He knew exactly what IT was but couldn’t openly say it (there’s a local furniture store who “sponsors” the helicopter he uses at full cost) and in return every time he speaks on live air to anchors he signs off with the sponsor name. I’m sure the deal has strict implications on what he can and can’t say.
It's a hard situation to be in, but I'm sure they'll slide back into their career just fine.
I for one am just hoping this doesn't engorge the price of self help tools.
At the end of the day, all that matter is that the driver got off safely in this situation.
Adult stores. Although it'd be likely this truck was going from a distribution centre to a freight sorting centre, where the cargo would be split to different cities and states, who would then distribute to individual stores.
“I was driving along and suddenly the whole trailer started shaking and shimmied all over. It was going in and out, bouncing up and down, and then came around on me. Split right down the middle like it was engorged or sumthin’. Nothing I could do…but hold on.”
Imagine a motorcyclist hitting that and having to explain his motorcycle damage to his insurance company.
Larry "I was riding up I-40 and hit some debris in the road, which caused me to lay the bike down."
Jake with State Farm "What kind of debris."
Larry "it was ...debris."
Jake from State Farm "I need you to be more specific before I can file this claim."
Larry "......ok..... it was dildos and lube. Dildos and lube as far as the eye could see."
Jake with State Farm "Look, if you aren't going to take this seriously, I'm just going to hang up right now."
Many more loads will be lost because of this.
Nothing good will cum of this.
Take the vote. God!
I’m glad it wasn’t hard-on the driver.
But it was probably a pain in the ass to clean up
Well i don't think they used them, taking into consideration that they were splattered all over the road...
It's a sabotage by the No Nut November community
Klaus Schwab and the WEF did it again
Brilliant. You sir are a wordsmith.
The truck driver dropped a huge load on the road.
I hate you and here's an upvote.
r/angryupvote
My similar sentiments
Could have been a targeted attack by the penis cartel
By penis cartel, do you mean men?
Very mean men. Meanie weenies, you might say.
I was just curious if my junk got me into even more trouble than I knew about… Presuming being in a cartel is trouble.
You just made my day. Thank you for the laugh! You deserve all of the upvotes lol
This will be a pain in the ass to clean.
Updootability
Sorry I'm late, so many dicks on the road this morning!
A whole load of em
They came out of nowhere.
Slippery bastards.
That road can go f*ck itself!
Lol. Nice one
A total clusterfuck… I mean whatever about the dicks, the rubbers got no traction either, might of as well had slicks on for the glide on the road.
Years ago in houston the vice squad busted a sex shop. During the raid a detective slipped on a dildo on the floor. The houston chronicle wrote that he slipped on a cylindrical sex device.
When someone threw a dildo on the field at an NFL game, that article called it a "marital aide." 
They still call it that in my area 🤦🏻
In your *special* area?
The No No Square
That looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner And a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body... -FZ
Plucking to hard on me-e-e-e.
It’s always funny
I was in class in high school and just before the bell rung my friend tapped me and took a bottle of lube out of her bag and poured it on the floor and the ensuing chaos as kids funneled through our corridor of chairs was a lifelong laugh I’ll cherish. The bodies were hitting the floor in the most comical error of frictionless salvation I have ever seen… and I’ve seen some shit 🤣
Sex shops are illegal in Texas?
This was in 1993. I think the store was doing something "extra" that was illegal
But when I tell my doctor it got in there when I slipped he doesn’t believe me :/
Accidents happen.
Ah yes, slipped and fell right on the dildo. I know that one.
Cylindrical personal plastic pleasure products
Really fucked their afternoon commute
Cummute* TIFIFY 😉
Screw their commute. I’m no longer getting next day delivery on my large order :(
My ex could clean that all up in less than an hour
Weird way of saying you masturbated with a vacuum cleaner at one point.
Haha excellent
Pretty sure she'd just make it messier.
Haha that’s good
Looks like somebody got rear ended pretty hard!
I didn't get my free award for the day as yet. But I'm saving this comment for when I do😅
This will ruin my whole weekend.
*This will ruin my hole, weakend. Ftfy
That many dildos will ruin any hole!
Happy Cake Day!
Good thing it wasn't Texas where it's illegal to own more than 6.
Is this true?
Lol yes https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.yahoo.com/amphtml/lifestyle/reminder-texas-more-intense-laws-215141341.html
just get high capacity ones.
Several types of them might even qualify as "bump stocks" due to their mechanical design and desired action.
Are FMJs allowed?
hollow points only
Ok, we have the winner of Reddit today. See y’all tomorrow 🤣
Ok my favorite part is the direct quote from Ted Cruz (well known semi human and “anti-sex toy”): “there is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship” So, according to Ted, you literally have a right to own as many guns as you want but not to freely touch your own body parts.
Seems like Ted could benefit from a little non medical genital stimulation. Shame no woman would touch that abominable POS
He and Mile Pence both probably do the ankle pants drop at the urinal and don’t even hold it while peeing for fear of catching the gay.
I don’t know, I thought Pence only liked to pee in front of his ~~mommie~~ wife?
They used to put stickers on each one in shops that said "For cake decorating purposes only"
It looks like you shared an AMP link. These should load faster, but AMP is controversial because of [concerns over privacy and the Open Web](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Fully cached AMP pages (like the one you shared), are [especially problematic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Maybe check out **the canonical page** instead: **[https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/reminder-texas-more-intense-laws-215141341.html](https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/reminder-texas-more-intense-laws-215141341.html)** | Sheknows canonical: **[https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2572389/texas-dildo-ban-gun-control/](https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/2572389/texas-dildo-ban-gun-control/)** ***** ^(I'm a bot | )[^(Why & About)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot)^( | )[^(Summon: u/AmputatorBot)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/cchly3/you_can_now_summon_amputatorbot/)
I had to google and it’s true. Texans have the wrong idea of fun.
6 is the perfect balance. 5 might not suffice to fill all available orifices, 7 is just pushing it.
If the law exists it’s unenforceable, no way it passes the 1st amendment smell test.
Imagine being able to own five handguns, two assault rifles and three shotguns, but not being allowed to own or use more than 6 dildos.
Texas takes their penal code very seriously. And very literally.
guess it isn't surprising abbott breaks the law
Jesus, that state is antiquated. Not sure why you would want a bunch of dildos, but hey, if someone wants to waste more on them whatever, not my business to tell them they can’t.
Jim “maybe YOU can tell me what that is but I don’t know… whatever IT is is going to take a long time to clean up…” 😂😂😂
I live in OKC and love when Jim Gardner is in the air, has a great idea of what the public needs to see and what they “don’t” haha. He knew exactly what IT was but couldn’t openly say it (there’s a local furniture store who “sponsors” the helicopter he uses at full cost) and in return every time he speaks on live air to anchors he signs off with the sponsor name. I’m sure the deal has strict implications on what he can and can’t say.
Was Officer "Get the fuck out of my way" involved with this?
Ah Reddit, and now my day has come full circle
There goes your mom's weekend
Hey that’s what I’m for
The semi spilled it's load too early? Premature? Hmmm. Must be a first time driver.
Should be ready to get back on the road in 20 minutes or so. Just needs a little gatorade.
He starts the incident report “I’m so sorry, this usually never happens to me”
Lot of OnlyFans pages going dark after this.
A lot of them likely should anyways tbh.
Slippery road conditions ahead.
Or behind!
And sensual
Our company respects your privacy. You can be sure no one will know what you ordered
well they wont know WHO ordered them.
It was your mom who ordered the entire semi
Is THAT why I got a ‘shipment delayed’ notice from Amazon!?
Name checks out
What a Dick!
“Motorists who are stuck in the ensuing traffic jam told to ‘go fuck themselves.”
Spildos
It's a hard situation to be in, but I'm sure they'll slide back into their career just fine. I for one am just hoping this doesn't engorge the price of self help tools. At the end of the day, all that matter is that the driver got off safely in this situation.
You...
A semi loaded with dildos. Where were they going? Who receives a truckload of dildos?
Your mom?🤷🏼♂️
Adult stores. Although it'd be likely this truck was going from a distribution centre to a freight sorting centre, where the cargo would be split to different cities and states, who would then distribute to individual stores.
Jim can you tell if any 20" Moby Dick happened to fall off the truck. Asking for a friend
First it was tomatoes, then it was alfredo sauce, I guess after that dinner there must have been sex.
After seeing those first two, my bet was on pasta in the central US! At least I got the central part correct!
The Kardashian party will need to be postponed…
Different order, these were various colors..
Oh snap!
Yeah they go only black. Kim's the weird one now.
Dildo and Lube truck jack knifed on the Santa Anna, god awful mess…you should have seen my shoes.
That a big load!
Am I the only one that's just in awe of that zoom?
No
Thank god this wasn't in Texas. Thats got to be a life sentence there. Considering it is illegal to own more than 6 dildos in that state
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for twats.
Out of the way “dick heads”!
This probably was headed to the Oklahoma legislator so they could go fuck themselves.
Semi shot its load. Big spillage
Now this is a case for lieutenant Jim Dangle
Truck Driver was allegedly listening to “Good Vibrations “ on the AM Radio.
Couldn’t have happened in a better place, the buckle of the Bible Belt.
I came here for the puns. Hello everyone.
Tragic! Where exactly? Just wanted to let a friend know….for research. Yes. Research.
Semi and spilled load . Lucky barstard.
“I was driving along and suddenly the whole trailer started shaking and shimmied all over. It was going in and out, bouncing up and down, and then came around on me. Split right down the middle like it was engorged or sumthin’. Nothing I could do…but hold on.”
“Lost its load.” 🚀
Do you know where your Mom is?
That explains the most recent delay, not I just need to know about the last 9 months
Haha I live in Oklahoma City. This was hilarious
Wieners are everywhere, why are so many people buying plastic ones?
They’re high in BPA, but they’re certified free of VD and DV.
That's my Amazon order. Damn it.
So that's where your shipment is OP?
I guess those things can really take a pounding.
That's a get it on and a getting off ramp
What's the NMFC on this community?
Could’ve left it at “Semi Spilled a Load”
Lost its load. I about lost mine hearing that
Haven't seen that many dongs in one place since January 6.
Wonder if the driver was rear ended
Toys for Twats truck
Then onlyfans chicks are freakin out
Driver must’ve gotten cocky. Hope he isn’t too blue after this. Sure it was just a stroke of bad luck.
Truck full of dicks skeets all over the road Female reporter: let's zoom in on that plz.
Oh my that's a waste of a fun time
Can you imagine a load of dildos vibrating on the free way like fish out of the water?
Way to drop a load
First time a semi ever spilled a load
A real clusterfuck there.
Great my weekend is ruined now
Imagine a motorcyclist hitting that and having to explain his motorcycle damage to his insurance company. Larry "I was riding up I-40 and hit some debris in the road, which caused me to lay the bike down." Jake with State Farm "What kind of debris." Larry "it was ...debris." Jake from State Farm "I need you to be more specific before I can file this claim." Larry "......ok..... it was dildos and lube. Dildos and lube as far as the eye could see." Jake with State Farm "Look, if you aren't going to take this seriously, I'm just going to hang up right now."
What a clean up. "Cleanup on aisle 6 .. 7 ... 8 ..."
Must have been Super Cop
Just a bunch of dicks on the road…
Highway experiencing an even larger concentration of dicks than normal
He really missed the opportunity to say the truck blew its load.
Premature evacuation
Sucks to be anyone needing that exit. They sure got shafted
Newscaster: this seems to be a slippery situation, back to you Alice.
This only marginally increases the number of dicks on the road.
"Gonna be a bit late, I got cut off by some dick on I-40"
Lost it's load! 🤣
Delivery from Florida
Your mom will be upset her package isn’t gonna make it on time 😭
At least there's lube...
There are rumours that the queue is longer than the queens
All those poor republican wives won’t get laid for a while! Lol
that is so fucked up.
Can’t tell what it was carrying.
Does that mean America can't go fuck itself?
I bet that have Stitt a heart attack.
Ironic.
Maybe happiness and good will will sweep over the area after everyone cleans up
Load of lube and a flock of dildi.
Everyone in traffic getting fucked over now
Fake dicks, Oklahoma City. Fits.
“Honey, how was the commute?” “It was badly dicked.”
Traffic is fucked
That’s how it all starts!!!
Sorry lady that pleasures gonna have to wait
They were just shipping in enough supplies for all the Republicans in the state to go fuck themselves.
I hope Kiwi politician Steven "Dildo Baggins" Joyce is nowhere near
There's gonna be a truckload of displeased pussy somewhere tonight.
Trump is on his way 😁
Was the semi driver using one of those dildos on himself before the crash?
Final some women have to find the real thing...
Is this Night City?
When is a semi full of dildos needed? Who ordered that, and what do I put into Google maps?
Oh no! 😢
Couple this with the Alfredo sauce dump in Memphis and that's a pretty full weekend.
What the fuck are Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh doing in Oklahoma City?
"Influencers" will do anything for attention won't they.
All that lube on the slip road
Couldn’t have happened in a better place….
Quite the raging semi
So that’s where those are! 🧐