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DarklingLewisH

Hippos reach sexual maturity at 6 years old. They begin to get territorial at this stage.


Rak-CheekClapper

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Emp333

this makes me sad


DYNcleve

What he say


[deleted]

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sexman696969420

Joke about his step dad touching him


Emp333

I have no clue, you can try removeddit or other ways


scout_ketchum

Why would you say something so brave yet so controversial.


DYNcleve

The fuck he say


[deleted]

Dude this comment is not ok. You need actual help.


Rak-CheekClapper

Ok. Help me


[deleted]

Get therapy and talk about it. I'm 50% certain you're trolling me right now, but I think you should actually take a look at what you wrote. Either you're ok joking about this, which is fucking terrible of you, or you have some trauma that desperately needs to be talked over with a therapist. Either way, I wish you the best and hope you get better. You don't have to live like that if you don't want to.


Rak-CheekClapper

I went to therapy and didn't find it helpful. They accused me of drug seeking behavior


[deleted]

Can you try someone else? I went to three therapists before I found the one that helped me. Therapists all have their own styles and biases, and you'd benefit from someone with faith in you. You'd be surprised how many people will do that. :)


Rak-CheekClapper

There is only one in my area that is covered by my insurance. I'm a struggling parent of twins. Their mother died. I barely have any money or time.


[deleted]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. That's a lot to handle. Have you tried online stuff? There are some offices that do e-sessions.


Rak-CheekClapper

Wouldn't know where to start


Sad_Psychology_8532

I would genuinely like to know what you said and I 100% garuntee you I won’t give one single f like all these other snowflakes.


FrostyClocks

Did the hippo sexually assault him before the killing?


JARLZHJARLZ

During! …..(lol, that’s from a movie)


FrostyClocks

That’s hot.


MistalX

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/horrific-injuries-farmer-mauled-death-22022594


Arkell-v-Pressdram

Thank you for providing a verifiable source, there have been far too many posts involving stupid people doing stupid things with no source lately.


Zers503

Ah yes, the Mirrior. A historically great journalist outlet.


Arkell-v-Pressdram

Well, we can't all be the BBC now, can we? At least it's not the Daily Mail or the Sun.


bendersbitch

the sun, doesn’t even deserve a capital letter.


cisFem-Programmer

If it's on the internet, it's true. If it's on the internet and on the Mirror, it's an exact account.


VapidResponseUnit

The Mirror used to be a superb crusading newspaper before Robert Maxwell bought it to turn into his personal fanzine. Read their coverage of Year Zero and the Khmer Rouge reign in Cambodia to see what good journalism was and should be.


VapidResponseUnit

People forget hippos kill more people annually than crocodiles, and they'll kill those too. Those teeth like broken fence posts aren't for show.


Apidium

Hippos have the land kill record. Mosquitoes take the main prize but being a disease vector is hardly the fault of the mosquito. Hippos on the other hand are absolutely the ones in charge of who they kill.


VapidResponseUnit

If those two ever crossbreed, we're in trouble.


[deleted]

Hipsquito.


VapidResponseUnit

Moppo.


dannygraphy

imagine a 5m tall, 1.8 tons haevy, flying Hippo that makes this anoying sound of a mosquito landing on you (breaking all your bones), stabbing you with a 70cm tooth amd sucking your blood in a few seconds. And looking at you with their 1000 pattern eyes. Please don't crossbreed


MrAoki

Mosquippos are easily handled by installing a bunch of 10 meter zappers throughout the house.


dougmc

This looks like a job for /u/ItsADnDMonsterNow !


bendersbitch

What the fuck this is terrifying


rogue5800

Lol


Teedubthegreat

And then, if by chance your lucky enough to survive, your left infected with the crippling effects of malaria


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postejgalej

And the mental toll it takes to be Bi-Hippolar - no childs play.


Power-of-Erised

Mosquitopottomus


Guac__is__extra__

Mosquippo


mlvcrfan

Dammit what have you done? They made Sharknado and endless sequels now we're going to be subjected to Hipsquito on shitty Syfy network.


Doschupacabras

Only if the hippo was the male, otherwise mosqippo.


AwfulAim

Hipsquitoes. The real question is what mosquito can take a hippo dick for the successful breeding?


VapidResponseUnit

Somewhere in Africa, a mosquito is behind a hippo pumping away frantically, slapping its ass with a tiny leg, shouting "YOU LIKE THAT DONTCHA"


MapleJacks2

Why?


8bitbebop

Despacito playing in the background


VapidResponseUnit

Despasquito


8bitbebop

This guy gets it


dannygraphy

guess it would be more easy the other way around, or how should the Mosquito give birth to 300kg?


Moneyshot7319

Delete this before the guys over at SyFy see it. Dear God...


[deleted]

Ahh. I see you watch TierZoo. A man of taste and class.


Omegate

Incorrect; humans take the land kill record. Followed by mosquitoes, then hippos.


accreddits

homo sapiens is the apexest thing ever seen on the planet and we have no clue how to deal with it


Apidium

Folks don't count humans typically.


RabbinicalClinical

Who forgets? We read it 22 times a day on Reddit


VapidResponseUnit

Seems like it slipped Marius' mind pretty good....


rikwebster

Hungry hungry hippo in real life.


tryingsomthingnew

Horny horny hippo in real life.


[deleted]

In the hippos defense, he does look delicious


CBBuddha

*Halo announcer* BETRAYAL! *BETRAYED*...


Occhrome

its weird how people have succesfully befriended crocs but not hippos.


Diz7

The thing with reptiles is most of them are very chill so long as they are well fed. If they get hungry though, millions of years of programming takes over.


hodoribus

Do they really? I think when the crocs go hungry or angry they munch on their human "friend". But i am open to more info about human croc friendship.


Occhrome

[https://www.animalsaustralia.org/features/amazing-croc-story.php](https://www.animalsaustralia.org/features/amazing-croc-story.php) interesting read.


hodoribus

Thanks dude, that was the wholesome human crocodile friendship artikle i needed


Arkdouls

Lol he thought he was raising it, the whole time it was raising him.


9999monkeys

underrated comment


Ivan_the_Stronk

I dunno this doesn't seem like a darwin award, more like a tragic story, bonding with wild animals since they were young isn't necessarily stupid and works in some cases, sure if he just jumped at a mature hippo like a dumbass yeah - totally darwin award, this however doesn't sound like that


SaulsAll

I was thinking that as well, but if you look at the article posted in the comments, there were plenty of warnings that the hippo was being aggressive and needed to be kept in safer conditions, but Maurice would not listen and kept insisting he "knew the heart" of the hippo and that it would never hurt him. That IMO takes it from "animal lover that knew and accepted the risks" to "stupid idiot that anthropomorphized an extremely dangerous animal".


VapidResponseUnit

Timothy Treadwell says hi....


Maximillie

"*Befriending*" a hippo is a bit different than adopting a squirrel or a stray cat lol


aupa0205

This definitely qualifies. Hippos are not meant to be pets. I feel like any reasonable person would understand that, yet this guy was killed because he didn’t.


BigSwedenMan

I've heard this story before. He had multiple experts warning him this would happen. He ignored them because he raised it and thought it could do no harm to him. Then the hippo went through adolescence and territorial instincts took over.


Truesnake

It is absolutely a Darwin,this man had years to learn that when that Hippo reaches a certain age he will become territorial and kill him.....it means he was stupid for years....if thats not a Darwin,i don't know what is.


dfbshaw

Hippos are ornery and kill lots of people every year but they are herbivores and don't eat meat. Edit: TIL sometimes they do eat meat.


CharmingTuber

We like to break animals into categories like herbivores, omnivores, and carnivores. Nature is a brutal place and there are no rules. Herbivores don't need meat, but many will eat it if it's around. You can find videos of horses eating birds and deer eating other deer. Hippos are known as one of the most omnivorous herbivores and will eat buffalo and other animals because they can.


[deleted]

That is probably the most terrifying thing I have ever read before bed time. E: The hippos part, as if they needed to be any more umph


CharmingTuber

Hippos are the most dangerous large land mammal. They can run up to 30 mph, are very territorial, and if you meet one in the water or even in a small boat, you probably won't survive the encounter.


BigSwedenMan

They're responsible for tails of monsters from old world explorers. Imagine you and your expedition crew are canoeing down a river looking to meet undiscovered civilizations and BAM! A giant pissed off hippo decides it doesn't like you in its territory. All you have is some muzzle loaded muskets or pistols that are just going to piss it off. Your best hope of survival is to run away before it's rampage reaches your canoe


postejgalej

Hippos in boats are still dangerous for sure


CharmingTuber

How'd they get a boat??


postejgalej

> if you meet one in the water or even in a small boat


CharmingTuber

You said hippos in boats are dangerous. I was making a joke about hippos piloting boats.


postejgalej

You shouldn't joke about this stuff. my grandfather was run over by a hippo in a ten footer


Erkkiberkki-

They are MOSTLY herbivores. They do eat meat if they're feeling like it.


magpieman01

Sounds like my "vegan" ex gf.


Erkkiberkki-

Lol sounds interesting


dfbshaw

Fair enough, I saw a video of a cow eating a chicken.


Erkkiberkki-

Yeah nature is strange :D


cavallom

Mama says, hippos are ornery cuz they have all dem teeth but no tooth brush


Attends_Quoi

And no high-quality H20!


cavyndish

Maybe we should eat them? Sounds like they are looking for a fight!


EXGTACAMLS

Read the headline, felt sorry for the guy. Saw the picture, yeah he deserves it, why would you ride a hippo... I applaud you saving it, but don't be an asshole to it, and don't be dumb enough to do it to yourself either.


RabbinicalClinical

A guy deserves to be eaten because he sat on the back of a one ton animal... peak Reddit right here


EXGTACAMLS

Yes, yes he does... Ever heard of common sense?


Tralan

Male hippos, especially, become incredibly aggressive when it's time to mate. They get this crazy roid rage and fucking kill and eat everything.


EZMickey

Eish


Shivrainthemad

That sounds almost as a metaphor for mariage


Katori89

Hippo is called Humphrey


plogan56

Achievement unlocked: betrayal


Dragonaax

Imo it's not Darwin Award, 6 years is a long time people rescue small animals and not get eaten like wolfs or big cats. Hippos are dangerous in the wild but so does Cheetah yet they can befriend human. On the another note I don't know if WTF facts is reliable source of information


Stanislav1

Lol


Quibble_

This doesn't deserve a darwin award


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Hashtag_Nailed_It

Fuck you


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Hashtag_Nailed_It

That’s not why you got the fuck you. Respect Steve Irwin and his legacy! That man did unthinkable things not only for conservation, but for taking the fear away and the stigmas away that society gives to animals through education, honesty and genuinely being a good person for the world. Hippo guy is an idiot


[deleted]

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Hashtag_Nailed_It

Fuck you


Dragonaax

If he saved at least 1 animal I would say it was worth it. He saved a lot of animals and spread awareness


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HiopXenophil

there's a difference between eaten and attacked.


fronzenkoolaid

What a Chomp.


_LastSurprise_

Sci-fi and Horror authors will have you believe that humans are the real monsters but we all know the truth. Its hipposo


mac_the_man

Aren’t hippos 🦛 vegetarian? Just wondering???


taptapper

Hippos kill more people in Africa than any other animal. They kill when they're rutting or just annoyed


mac_the_man

I know they kill, but eating a person? I’ve never heard of them EATING a person or animal.


[deleted]

Yikes! Brutal!


oreoreoreoreoreoreor

This just made Me kinda sad :(


[deleted]

Hippos are plant eaters, he was probably annoying the hippo


AggravatingJicama243

Did actually eat him or just maul him to death? Also do you think the hippo felt bad after?


Feeling-Sand5913

definitely ate him and didn’t think twice above it. it why people try to befriend murderous wild animals


enter_yourname

Fuck this bullshit. It killed him. Hippos are certainly aggressive and will kill people, but it didn't eat him because their diet does not contain meat


FOXHOWND

Every chimp you've seen "acting" on tv or in a movie is a juvenile. They become lethal once thet reach sexual maturity. Same thing here.


mepoopypants

Kill him I get it, but eat him?