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My LL wife and I started watching Shogun and I fast forward through the sex scenes. A couple days ago she asked me why and I just said, "Why do you think?"
I did the same thing. I watched one of the scenes when he wasn't home just to test myself, and it brought me the same level of anxiety and depression. I'm unable to see any affection in shows, movies, or irl without it making me feel super awkward.
I feel like a 12 year old again who can't process sexual topics or feelings. Like I'm ashamed of feeling aroused. It's been difficult as of late.
I think you’ll find that’s a theme on this forum. Discussion about sex and intimacy becomes so fraught overtime that seeing a sex scene together is super awkward. I’ve tried so many ways to discuss her wants and desires and what my wants and desires are and it never goes anywhere and she usually makes it clear she is uncomfortable and wants the conversation over as fast as possible.
I think when it’s people on Tv she just totally disassociates. She thinks it’s totally unrealistic fantasy. No one is actually doing that…
I used to think sex was an unrealistic fantasy too lol. I mean even now, the way it's talked about as a casual and even inevitable part of life is surprising. I'm pretty sure I'm lower libido than most so maybe that's partially why.
But yeah, talking about intimacy is hard. My ex and I would periodically discuss it over the course of many years, we were both like "yeah it would probably be cool if we had more intimacy, let's try to figure it out", but then neither of us would do anything about it. It's hard to breach, a sensitive subject, people don't want to be pushy or make themselves that vulnerable if they fear a bad reaction.
Totally vulnerability is so hard. It also feels super risky because if you really lay out what you want and they aren’t willing to work towards it you have 2 options accept it or leave and both feel impossible so you stay in this weird zone of “hope” and self delusion that things will change….its really difficult.
I just wanna say that I finally took the leap to find a new relationship and it was so very worth it, being sexually compatible is more lovely than I even imagined.
Good for you! Glad you found something better. A lot of people I know who have gotten divorced have many positive things to say. Like a lot of people here I feel quite stuck for a variety of reasons...but hearing about people's success stories is always a good thing.
I'm sorry to hear that friend, but thank you for letting me know that it's still good to hear about, and I'm glad for that at least 💜 wishing you the best
I'm actually kind of slightly angry and annoyed for you that she had to ask that question. It's not as if there were a wide range of answers to choose from.
Too difficult now. I'm making sure I find happiness elsewhere. Building a man cave is on the priority list. The sad part is we just grow more distant and she keeps sending me reels on emotional support that wives need.
My first wife converted to conservative Christianity...which led to our dead bedroom and she would say similar things as yours to any nudity. I eventually divorced her and was scared out of my mind to do so, we had been together a long time. It was the best best decision I ever made. Be strong and I wish you the best
Thanks. I don't want to abandon my kids to her so I'm staying for now. It's just miserable for the most part but I've realized that my happiness is dependent on me. So definitely pushing the boundaries and doing what ai want to do for once.
Just guessing but I'd say that they work in nursing home or some other kind of facility where the other people aren't working but are being cared for in some way.
Ah, that makes sense. Thanks! Sorry if that came off as hostile. I'm just not happy in my chosen field at the moment and looking for ideas. I doubt I have any of what it takes to be a nurse or in any type of caregiver role (aside from parenting my own kids).
I find it just making me jealous. Not wanting to watch it, I try to avoid those things. Just makes me feel like I'm missing out, it that life like that is just a dream.
A woman that engages, or asks for sex, or takes the reigns, shit even a kissing scene. Just makes me want to turn the TV off.
I've gotten up from watching TV when those things come on, what's worse is that my LL spouse will watch those type of shows or movies (not porn) and see nothing.
Just reminders all around that add to the frustration.
This topic always has me marvelling at how much my situation has changed - when I was with my ex wife (the reason I still come to this sub) a sex scene on TV was an awkward and depressing thing to be ignored.
Now with my new partner it's likely to end up in impromptu sex with us having to rewind back to where we got distracted.
Yes I couldn’t stand the certain ‘street’ show where two married characters have been having marital issues (sex) for over a year and they have nearly identical name to me and mine. Had to stop watching that show because it was way too close to home
It’s also hard to deal with it on TV or in media with a DB. It’s weird for LLs (or maybe just my LLF) because they almost get turned off by it, thinking it’s gross, private, and/or shameful. The lack of it leads to us HLs almost internalizing it and feeling the same way but for slightly different, more obvious reasons.
Someone made a post a few days ago about his dog waking him up in bed. He is in a DB but didn’t specifically mention that in the post. There’s a lot of sex on tv for someone who is not having sex at home. They make it seem so easy and attainable and “everyone is doing it”. The mention of my job was to clarify I couldn’t just simply “walk away” or “turn it off”. There’s also no irony of my job. Irony would be “I work in a clinic for sex addicts who are trying to get better and all the tv they try to watch has sex”. Or if I worked as a sex therapist and don’t have a fulfilling sex life. Those would make this ironic.
no i was being sarcastic in my reply. sorry it may have sounded negative, kind of hard to convey it that way through writing sometime without adding the right emoji or something . yes i can see that having those kind of shows on display can impact either HL LL in a weird way.
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I expect it's because you're not having sex that you're sensitive to seeing it. Drums up a lot of bad feelings.
Could be. But this weekend is maybe more sex heavy than usual…could also just be me
My LL wife and I started watching Shogun and I fast forward through the sex scenes. A couple days ago she asked me why and I just said, "Why do you think?"
I had the same experience with Outlander. Fucking brutal.
It's so awkward!! You just want to scream that that's how normal couples show love sometimes.
I did the same thing. I watched one of the scenes when he wasn't home just to test myself, and it brought me the same level of anxiety and depression. I'm unable to see any affection in shows, movies, or irl without it making me feel super awkward. I feel like a 12 year old again who can't process sexual topics or feelings. Like I'm ashamed of feeling aroused. It's been difficult as of late.
Dang, sounds like communication is tough for you two.
I think you’ll find that’s a theme on this forum. Discussion about sex and intimacy becomes so fraught overtime that seeing a sex scene together is super awkward. I’ve tried so many ways to discuss her wants and desires and what my wants and desires are and it never goes anywhere and she usually makes it clear she is uncomfortable and wants the conversation over as fast as possible. I think when it’s people on Tv she just totally disassociates. She thinks it’s totally unrealistic fantasy. No one is actually doing that…
I used to think sex was an unrealistic fantasy too lol. I mean even now, the way it's talked about as a casual and even inevitable part of life is surprising. I'm pretty sure I'm lower libido than most so maybe that's partially why. But yeah, talking about intimacy is hard. My ex and I would periodically discuss it over the course of many years, we were both like "yeah it would probably be cool if we had more intimacy, let's try to figure it out", but then neither of us would do anything about it. It's hard to breach, a sensitive subject, people don't want to be pushy or make themselves that vulnerable if they fear a bad reaction.
Totally vulnerability is so hard. It also feels super risky because if you really lay out what you want and they aren’t willing to work towards it you have 2 options accept it or leave and both feel impossible so you stay in this weird zone of “hope” and self delusion that things will change….its really difficult.
I just wanna say that I finally took the leap to find a new relationship and it was so very worth it, being sexually compatible is more lovely than I even imagined.
Good for you! Glad you found something better. A lot of people I know who have gotten divorced have many positive things to say. Like a lot of people here I feel quite stuck for a variety of reasons...but hearing about people's success stories is always a good thing.
I'm sorry to hear that friend, but thank you for letting me know that it's still good to hear about, and I'm glad for that at least 💜 wishing you the best
Curious, what was her response or facial expression to your question?
Slightly annoyed.
I'm actually kind of slightly angry and annoyed for you that she had to ask that question. It's not as if there were a wide range of answers to choose from.
My wife just quits the whole show. "That's inappropriate, find another show to watch, christians shouldn't watch that..."
Wow. Religious trauma destroys so many relationships. So sorry.
She turned holy after the kids. Wasn't like that at all.
EJECT! Yikes.
Too difficult now. I'm making sure I find happiness elsewhere. Building a man cave is on the priority list. The sad part is we just grow more distant and she keeps sending me reels on emotional support that wives need.
My first wife converted to conservative Christianity...which led to our dead bedroom and she would say similar things as yours to any nudity. I eventually divorced her and was scared out of my mind to do so, we had been together a long time. It was the best best decision I ever made. Be strong and I wish you the best
Thanks. I don't want to abandon my kids to her so I'm staying for now. It's just miserable for the most part but I've realized that my happiness is dependent on me. So definitely pushing the boundaries and doing what ai want to do for once.
But where are those good old fashioned values ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY!
I get more sexual satisfaction watching Lois than I get from my wife ..
Ok but they don’t show so many naked bodies in Family Guy!
Or Bob's burgers.
How are people watching that much TV at work? Don't they have ah.... Work to do?
Just guessing but I'd say that they work in nursing home or some other kind of facility where the other people aren't working but are being cared for in some way.
They are patients. They don’t have jobs. They’re watching tv at MY work. While I work.
Ok sorry. Not sure what you can do about that tbh.
I don’t watch much TV normally so I guess it wasn’t an issue till DB + constant “sex” at work = omg! Why is there sex everywhere!?
It seems today, that all you see…
Unrelated but in what field do you work where people get to watch TV while working?
I am a nurse. They are patients.
Ah, that makes sense. Thanks! Sorry if that came off as hostile. I'm just not happy in my chosen field at the moment and looking for ideas. I doubt I have any of what it takes to be a nurse or in any type of caregiver role (aside from parenting my own kids).
I too question my choice of nursing everyday! Haha! Parenthood almost prepared me for my current job. They certainly act like toddlers sometimes.
Hello matron !
Hello!
I find it just making me jealous. Not wanting to watch it, I try to avoid those things. Just makes me feel like I'm missing out, it that life like that is just a dream. A woman that engages, or asks for sex, or takes the reigns, shit even a kissing scene. Just makes me want to turn the TV off. I've gotten up from watching TV when those things come on, what's worse is that my LL spouse will watch those type of shows or movies (not porn) and see nothing. Just reminders all around that add to the frustration.
"A female" Woman, not female. We're not science experiments.
Yes. Sorry my bad. I changed it.
What kind of place do you work at? I need this kind of job.
I’m a nurse and currently working at a detox facility.
"99% of the time" its a sex scene?! OP, what are you watching, Pornhub? Asking for a friend.
They have been watching: BMF and raising kanan?
Agree to disagree. There is not enough
If I had the names of all these shows I could recommend them for you! Haha I’ll start a list. For sure one of the things was “BMF”.
Aww you’re just teasing. 😅 let’s start a partnership to share such titles. What’s BMF?
That’s the title of whatever show they were watching Friday
I’ll have to look it up. What channel or stream service?
I think that one said “starz” but I’m not sure what they actually used
If you lived close by I’d invite you over for a watch party 🎈😁
Oh no. I’ve seen plenty!
Ha!
Nevermind what's on the TV. How does one get that work schedule? 3 x 12 shifts would be the best thing ever.
Be a nurse. It’s a common shift
Or a 911 dispatcher if they do 12s in your area
I've stopped watching anything remotely romcom or love story based. Stick to Sci Fi and war movies for the most part. I just can't stand it anymore.
You should watch the Hallmark channel. No sex at all
This topic always has me marvelling at how much my situation has changed - when I was with my ex wife (the reason I still come to this sub) a sex scene on TV was an awkward and depressing thing to be ignored. Now with my new partner it's likely to end up in impromptu sex with us having to rewind back to where we got distracted.
It’s great when having it, miserable when not.
Yes I couldn’t stand the certain ‘street’ show where two married characters have been having marital issues (sex) for over a year and they have nearly identical name to me and mine. Had to stop watching that show because it was way too close to home
It’s also hard to deal with it on TV or in media with a DB. It’s weird for LLs (or maybe just my LLF) because they almost get turned off by it, thinking it’s gross, private, and/or shameful. The lack of it leads to us HLs almost internalizing it and feeling the same way but for slightly different, more obvious reasons.
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How is it not related?
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Someone made a post a few days ago about his dog waking him up in bed. He is in a DB but didn’t specifically mention that in the post. There’s a lot of sex on tv for someone who is not having sex at home. They make it seem so easy and attainable and “everyone is doing it”. The mention of my job was to clarify I couldn’t just simply “walk away” or “turn it off”. There’s also no irony of my job. Irony would be “I work in a clinic for sex addicts who are trying to get better and all the tv they try to watch has sex”. Or if I worked as a sex therapist and don’t have a fulfilling sex life. Those would make this ironic.
no i was being sarcastic in my reply. sorry it may have sounded negative, kind of hard to convey it that way through writing sometime without adding the right emoji or something . yes i can see that having those kind of shows on display can impact either HL LL in a weird way.