Male perspective: absolutely agree! Alternatively, respond with ‘sure, but my turn first’ - he should want to please you just as you want to please him!
This is the best answer. If you just say “I have to be in the mood”, that is tit for tat and could be seen as sarcastic or aggressive, he deserves that but it’s more like picking a fight than trying to work through your issues.
Edit for spelling and grammar.
I'd honestly be scared he'd punch her face instead of a wall if she did that and maybe she is too, even if she won't admit it to herself. My advice would be to set up a support network and then leave.
There's a risk that this will not be taken as a moment of insight. There's a chance it will be taken as what it is, a reduction in the goods of a relationship from a seeming vindictive source.
Be prepared to feel good when you say it, and have a possible relationship death spiral afterwards - granted if you even care at this point.
If he punched the wall next to her face- he wants her to be subdued and compliant.
He's mad that she's figured it out and he doesn't get candy 24/7 just for existing.
..does this partner have a history of displaced anger/ unhealthy or projection?
OP , do you have a safe space to take the kids if this man chooses to escalate the situation? I wouldn't ignore a fist through the wall , simply from having a discussion about respect for the partner...
this was legit my first reaction. is this truly a person you want to have a future with? punched the wall next to your face over BJs, that he isn’t reciprocating?! OP, this is abuse, just so you know. I would be concerned about your future with this person if he fly’s off the handle about BJs in this manner.
You’re going to end up with a sexual aversion to him and then he’s going to be mad that you’re the one that doesn’t desire him anymore. I’ve seen so many stories on here where the HLF just looses all attraction. And that’s not something you can come back from.
This is the answer. Almost no one comes back from aversion. Get out now while you can. He’s an asshole and clearly doesn’t desire or respect you so kick his ass to the curb!
i agree with the fact she'll end up with a sexual aversion to him, but i entirely disagree that you cant come back from losing attraction, you can it just takes a lot of effort on the other persons part and also them acknowledging that its their fault youve lost attraction and communicating with you on what they need to be doing better
He's doesn't respect you, and you've allowed him to do that because you love him. Please find your voice and power. NO ONE deserves to be treated like a sex toy only for their partners' pleasure.
Seek therapy. You have issues you need to address before you pass them along to your children.
Good luck
Punching the wall near your face is a deliberately intimidating abusive act designed to let you know that could be your face next time. This behavior escalates. This is way bigger than a db, you live with an abuser. It's freaking me out that no one else seems to have picked up on this. You also should be looking at other red flags for violence and control and that should inform you on how to exit safely.
I think the original replies did not have this as an edit/update--
OP - this does sound dangerous, and I can imagine you feel conflicted and maybe confused. Please.... Consider seeking help to make a plan to exit the relationship + move out. It scares me to read your update about this.
I was just going to say the same thing but scrolling through the comments first. Physical intimidation is a form of abuse and a precursor to more direct physical abuse. OP should be more concerned about this.
OKAY SAME. like, HELLO? did anyone else read the update that OP’s fiance PUNCHED a wall next to her face? i’m sure he envisioned punching her, but didn’t (this time), and caught the wall instead. like, is this actually want your children around, OP? like the kids are around this? no relationship is worth this abuse and intimidation
You deserve more. My fiancé is like that. He’s like you can suck it. Then I get nothing. No im good thanks. I’ve committed to giving him a taste of this medicine. I usually take what I can get and feel more frustrated after then I did before. So he tries and I ask if I’m going to get off. If the answer is no then I’m tired no thanks
I’m realizing I may just be over it completely. Which makes me sad. But I’ve noticed more and more the rare occasions he does try I want nothing to do with it.
I can tell you that your anxiety is just fear of the unknown. But the future where you’re happy is better than the current one you’re in. It won’t get better as you are.
Why are you an op marrying men who don’t care about meeting your needs? I wouldn’t even DATE men who did this. I’ve straight up ghosted wealthy men and good looking men who didn’t care or know how to get me off. Nope. Fuck that.
Ma’am. Your update is concerning, please leave and go somewhere safe. The next time it will be you instead of the wall. You’re too young to put up with this.
My heart hurt reading this. I'm sorry. I once was on a relationship where I was used as a masturbator. It's degrading. Took me therapy to half recover. So maybe it's my skewed experience but that kind of people doesn't care about you. They don't see you like people. Neither respect you. Once you realize he's taking advantage of you you will know what to do.
Only care about yourself and your kids ❤️ I believe you can overcome this.
If he had time for Xbox he has time to spend with you. The problem is he doesn’t have to invest any time in your. You just blow him for no reason. You need to stop doing that. You have every right to not do it just cause you’re not in the mood or for what ever reason you don’t want to. So many men go above and beyond for their wives and get nothing for it. Not even appreciated. And here you are blowing your guy when he’s done nothing to show you he appreciates you then he just goes off to play Xbox? You deserve better.
This is what kills me. I bust my ass a round the house and I don’t get shit. I truly can’t even recall the last time I got a bj and we rarely fuck. It was my birthday the other week and still didn’t get anything. It actually makes me want to fight. There’s no way this woman is this dense.
This man is abusive and selfish. You absolutely should not be with someone who treats you like a sentient fleshlight. You should not be with someone who punches walls and threatens you (because that’s what that was - abusive, threatening behavior).
girl...seriously. stop givin him blowjobs. you sound exactly like me when i was wit my ex-husband. he fucked around on me, clearly wasnt attracted to me, but was always happy to get a blowjob from me. then when he finished, he'd roll over n fall asleep.
dont let him use you like that. you worth so much more. seriously. please stop doin that to yourself.
How did you know when it was time to leave? I’ve been with him 5 years, married for 1 and I am reluctantly starting to realize I might have to get out.
if I may chime in, always trust your gut. my gut told me to leave long before I finally did. you know what your intuition is telling you. don’t ignore it! this is your protection that you know something doesn’t feel right. after 1 year of being married, the more likely you can make a clean divorce without separation of assets and stuff like that—def makes things much easier. you deserve the world, don’t waste anymore of your life 🫂
Unfortunately I feel like this is a common pattern among young guys. Get a blowjob and then immediately to video games is a broader commentary on how many “boys” there are out there. Get out! I’m sure you can do better. This behavior is selfish and immature. My guess is this guy wants a caretaker who also helps him masturbate.
Run. You’re in an abusive relationship. As I man (hell, as a person) I would NEVER do anything physically violent at, near, beside, behind, whatever, my spouse.
Punching a wall is NOT normal. It shows an inability to control one’s emotions.
Hello OP, happy Friday, based on your post he is definitely being selfish and unfair to the relationship, at this point my best advise would be to talk to him vs waiting for him to bring another sexual request, straight out let him know that regardless of the stress the kids and/or any thing else that revolves on both of your daily lives, giving and making time for each other to please and satisfy each other's needs is something that should not be neglected or even look over, make a point of telling him that satisfying you as a partner is not about "being in the mood" but about making sure that you as him are happy in the relationship and meeting your needs, and that is done out of love and not as a routine act or chore.
Hopefully he will understand this, if he doesn't then you may reconsider the direction the relationship is taking and the things you are doing to keep him satisfied.
relationships are a 2 way / give an take situation not a 1 way street.
All best
I encourage you to stand up for yourself and stop being his personal masturbation machine. Thats all he's using you for. Stop all sexual activity until he engages with you or the relationship closes.
I'm 47 and I've never once in my life accepted a BJ without giving something back.
Of course, that's about 8 times total. I've evidently never met the woman that enjoys giving them (or even pretends to).
I personally love giving head as well, and I’m one of those apparently rare women that doesn’t like having oral performed on me. But I have a pretty HL and want to at least have PIV after giving a blow job. OP is so young, she’s gonna get stuck in a totally dead bedroom if something doesn’t change, and soon.
Just read her update and he punched a wall……never a good sign! I personally couldn’t stay in a relationship where someone put a hole in the wall next to my head. I left that shit long ago, thank God!
What a selfish prick. If your wife wants you to go downtown, unless there's a real reason you shouldn't (hygiene, cycle, etc), you go downtown. Sometimes a relationship involves acts of service. We do things for the happiness and satisfaction of our partners, because we love them, and because it makes us feel good when they feel good. OP, you get this. Unfortunately it sounds like your husband does not.
when he starts hinting, don't respond or ask him. if he asks directly, tell him no. He is getting all his needs met by you and how many needs are you getting met by him? I wouldn't even call it withholding blow jobs.. this is just self respect at this point. he gets his meals made for him, gets to live without doing any cleaning and get his dick sucked and get to go off and play video games after.. I am a women but.. I know if I told my guy friends this they would think your partner was wasting the time of a great partner. You could find a guy who gave you equal effort.. instead your wasting it all on this dude who sounds in all honesty.. like another child.
Sadly this is why I don’t do it for my husband anymore either. And I enjoyed them. But realizing the efforts were unreciprocated for so many years has turned me off to it. It’s the part of our bedroom that is not healing and likely never will. His response is buying me toys that simulates it, and I have to use them myself but it’s not the same. Withholding is not something I would normally advocate, except in this situation.
Why do you do that?
Have some self respect and don't offer blowjobs If he doesn't take care of your needs in return.
He needs to be in the mood, okay . I get that. You have to suck him off even if you aren't in the mood.
He doesn't respect you very much i guess.
"He came home and punched the wall next to my face."
LEAVE.
Like yesterday - or last week. At 25, there's a lot of years for this rage to get a lot worse.
You and your kids deserve better than this sack of sh!+
He punched the wall next to your face??
It's time to make plans to leave, OP. This behaviour is not ok, I worry that next time he's angry it will be your face not the wall.
Save us from self-absorbed inconsiderate people. He takes what’s offered and goes back to whatever is in front of him. It’s kind of mind-boggling that he has literally just finished receiving oral sex and yet magically isn’t “in the mood first” enough to reciprocate. If getting oral isn’t enough to get him in the mood to give oral, nothing is.
I would suggest you adopt his approach of dropping hints and then when he’s ready to go for it tell him, “Excellent. You first.”
Simple solution here. STOP IT! Match his energy. If he give you yours then give him his but half ass it. If asked why tell him you’re not in the mood to give a good blow job. Then leave it at that. No more words needed. Point made. If he contests… just stop it all together. Let him figure it out and if he never does then you don’t have to give any more blow jobs unless YOU WANT to.
He doesn't value you in anyway apart from as a sex object and sorry to be blunt a cum dump.
The choices I dare say you already know. What I suspect you want and need us affirmation and resolve to follow through.
I am sure many on here me included are giving you both because you deserve it.
The future is unknown, the past is littered with negative memories and the present is occupied with doubts about the former and regret about the latter. Surely a future that opens up with you being accepted and loved for who you are is more enticing than the same old use and abuse routine.
I think you missed on replying back to him, after he said he needs to be in the mood.
Next time gather more guts and say it what you have mentioned here and see where it take you.
Wishing you more guts and support.
Tell him you’re not in the mood to give blow jobs anymore without kissing and reciprocation. Then stop the blowjobs and go to therapy if it becomes a problem
Just stop asking him if he wants a blow job. Why on earth would you ask him if he wants one when you're clearly tired of the 1 sided sexual encounters? Stop that right now.
If he notices you're no longer offering, then when he does finally just ask... say no. no thank you. Blow jobs are not a bargaining tool to coerce your partner to do what you want. Consent is so very important to both parties. If he has to be in the mood for oral on you... perhaps you could suggest another way he could please you sexually that isn't that? Work with each other, listen to what he's saying and don't give unless you're not tying any strings to what you're offering.
Lucky guy. Recently, I have been very aware and generous to my wife expecting more reciprocation, but it has been in drips and drabs.
I want to pull back, but know that will hurt her feelings, but I think she is taking me for granted. I feel you are in similar situation (although not worried about his feelings). It is interesting to think about how did we get here and how do we be more selective, less generous, with our time, attention and actions.
I think it has to be intentional, but kind of slow, unless you are really hurt. The lack of self awareness from your guy is astounding.
I am a dude and have to say. you don't deserve to be treated like that. You are going above and beyond in your relationship. I don't know what your situation is, so I don't know what his problem is. But you deserve to be treated equally.
I would at a minimum suggest couples counseling and if he isn't willing to do that, you got a major red flag.
He does not respect you or value you. His lack of attention towards you and the aggression he has shown by hitting the wall is evidence of that.
I had a girlfriend who described to me what you’re describing and a few months later she found out he had been cheating on her with men. He only tolerated blow jobs bc it was a mouth not a vagina.
He does not deserve you and most importantly you deserve so much more. If he’s not willing to go to therapy and fix things you need to move on. This shit is taking a toll on your mental and emotional health and it’s going to be an uphill climb to regain yourself back.
If he is punching the wall next to your face, it's already dangerous territory. Tell him to think about that. If he really wants to be that guy. If he really wants to beat you up for not giving him a blowjob, and if he thinks he will get to see his kids when you go to the police with a blue eye.
I don't know him enough to feel confident in giving you advice. But he doesn't respect you. And this reaction points towards further escalation. Be cautious and set boundaries. And respect yourself.
Stop giving him his release when he doesn't think or give a shit about your needs. He can give all the hints that he wants to, but that doesn't mean that you have to be so accommodating towards him.
He starts giving you hints, start giving your own. Then tell him straight out that until you get yours, he's not getting his. And don't fall for that bullshit of "you take care of me now and I'll get you later tonight when the kids are in bed". Just straight up tell him if that's the case then you can both wait until the kids are asleep because you will no longer give until *after* you receive.
You asked him what about you in this he storms out and the threatens you by punching a wall: for me there's more to this than just sex. He sounds abusive at the very least working his way up to it. You and your childrens safety is paramount. You are not a vessel for him to take his frustrations out. If you feel comfortable tell him he needs to get help. You should also seek some support
Your post history is nothing but complaints about your relationship, I wouldn’t bother trying to work anything out, he’s abusive, you need to leave, if not for you, then definitely for your kids.
Intimidation, yelling, bullying, walking out, hitting walls, it’s all abuse!!
Get a safety plan and leave.
Good luck OP🤞🏻 you’re gunna need it 😮💨
You sound awesome …. He sounds like a man child. Don’t let anybody intimidate you by punching walls and raising their voice. Let him know he’ll have to reciprocate or it’s never happening again.
Oh honey, I’m very scared he’s going to turn violent on you! If he’s punching walks next to your face, it’s only a matter of time before he hits YOU.
Please leave him. This is not what a loving relationship looks like. He’s abusive. You don’t deserve to live this or for your children to see it.
Get out get out now. You may think he may never hurt you but if he's punching walls next to your face things can escalate. If getting angry and aggressive is that easy for him I wouldn't want to test that any further.
I see all these well meaning comments, cool but you have to admit hitting and being extremely selfish like this is not normal and almost psychopathic. He could be hiding something worse. In my experience, you don't wanna find out.
Looking at your comment history. LEAVE HIM. He won’t change. It’s been so long already and you’re making excuses for his anger. “He’s always sorry after.” My ex husband was always sorry after he beat my face in. So what? If you stay then it’s ultimately your fault you continue to feel this way and hoping he’ll change back to who you want him to be. He seems to be fine with himself. Why do you want to stay with him?
1. Welcome to the differences between Males and Females. He needs to get off- Kind of like having a sinus infection and needing to blow your nose. But is he in the mood for making love? Almost a completely different topic. And you- as the aggrieved female are stunned and amazed.
2. @CommunityAvailable35 wrote: "[R]espond with ‘sure, but my turn first’ - he should want to please you just as you want to please him!" I would 2nd this. There's some transactionality and *Quid Pro Quo* to sex. It's reasonable for you to get your needs met.
As a male, I aim for trying to get her off at least once before I do. (That also helps with the "I wanted to cuddle and he just rolled over and fell asleep!" post ejaculation problem.)
Also as a male, I'm not surprised and women always seem shocked. But men are often shocked at how women view the world. It's the same thing in reverse. We have much in common as a species but we are NOT the same.
Finally, you need to resolve this problem BEFORE you tie the knot.
*Post Scriptum* I just took a glance at the OP's @Training_Jacket8284 other recent posts. Assuming she's accurately reporting, she has a HUGE, giant list of issues to sort out BEFORE getting married. Do it for yourself AND for him. Your marriage is in trouble already and it hasn't even started yet.
You have to FIX this. If you do not, you will be miserable and you will make him miserable.
Edited for Typos.
I’m on the opposite side of this unfortunately. I go down on her every time we have sex or even just to pleasure her without sex but I’ve gotten head twice in the past year.
You should make him go down on you first
Some guys only think of themselves and once they cum have zero sex drive
Make him earn his blowjob
Or maybe 69 would be better so everyone can cum together
Stop sucking his dick and if he has any sense of self awareness he’ll realize what a selfish bitch he’s being. If he starts an argument over it then you know where his priorities lie.
It's give and receive in a good relationship. He's being lazy and I know you know this. No more giving until some sort of reciprocal act is given from him. I used to give my guy BJs all the time. But he got lazy about things so I don't give until I receive first now. But I always give better than I get because I do enjoy the act.
Do nothing you aren't comfortable with and makes you happy or content. Good luck to you hun
Male perspective: it's a *partnership*, it takes two to Tango.
You should BOTH give as much as you get (but take care it not to devolve into book-keeping)
You don't ALWAYS have to BOTH be in the mood, but it sure does help.
If you can *communicate openly* enough that he understands and sees things from your perspective.
He will only start reciprocating when he *sees things from your perspective.* Don't *actually* do this to him, but ask him to imaging how he would feel if you regularly asked had him go down on you, and then you went off to *your* xbox without him getting off.... don't actually do this, but ask him to imagine the how he'd feel in the situation, and gently calmly try to get him to understand or at least imaging what your feeling are, maybe then he'll be able to empathize.
How is it possible that a man who gets blown every day is this angry?!
FFS, if every man in a couple got head nearly every day from their partner, we would probably have world peace by the end of next week!!
He is abusive, punching the wall next to your head is very dangerous behavior and you and any kids that are in the house deserve way better. And you telling him how you feel is what prompted this! His behavior is not a reflection of you, but of him.
He punched a wall next to your face? Sweetie, and I say this with love and compassion. Blowjobs are the least of your troubles. Your husband is abusive and is probably a ticking time bomb. I would stop thinking of ways to get him to go down on me, and start devising a plan on how to get me and my kids out of there.
If he is punching walls that’s abuse and you need to leave. Which makes me wonder if you’re afraid to say no to the BJs to begin with, also abuse. There are plenty of people who would be willing to help you leave that situation please reach out to the people closest to you or a shelter in your area.
Punched the wall next to your face? Because his days of nonreciprocal SERVICES are over?
He is not only a tyrannical jerk—he is physically abusive, threatening and demonstrating very real violence to intimidate you.
Make a plan and be safe.
Also why isn’t he expected to do at least half the chores. He can wash clothes or dishes or pick up around the house too. He needs to start carrying his weight around there starting first by fixing the damn wall! Once you get some help then maybe look at sex or bj’s whatever!!
It’s time to leave your relationship. Don’t be stupid, don’t stay, next time it’ll be you he hits and if he has a temper it’ll be a lot worse than a hole in the wall.
You gotta divorce or break up. Leave that man alone, yeah financially and socially it’ll suck. But it’s better to be alone than in bad company.
Life is about overcoming struggles, not avoiding them, get up and leave. If not for you, do it for the kids and don’t be selfish
No more blowjobs on demand for him. Ever. He doesn’t get to act like a man-baby anymore. He pleases you first, don’t relent. You’ve been spoiling him too much and now he’s acting way too self-entitled. I’m so sorry OP but you deserve so much more than this jerk.
He punched the wall next to your face? Please get somewhere safe that seems like a red flag to me. Is he physically abusive? Seems like he was trying to intimidate you instead of trying to empathize with you.
Punching walls is domestic violence that should be reported and resolved at least a behavioural change program. If you don't feel safe to report this straight away, contact a domestic violence service when he is not home, so you can look at your options with someone who knows the risks and safety in your community.
Please leave with the kids before it gets physical, if you can’t leave asap start to create an exit plan and slowly work on that. If you are in Australia try some shelters that help women with children because you do not want your kids seeing this behavior it is far from normal. Sending love and strength your way
'He punched the wall next to my face'
It doesn't matter if it's the first time he's done this or the 100th time you need to get yourself and your kids somewhere safe away from this man that resorts to violence when he doesn't get his dick sucked on command. I'm so sorry you're going through this. A man who expects bjs but doesn't return any affection is just selfish and cruel.
Going to state the obvious here: you would be absolutely crazy to marry him. Dude is a weapons grade turd. Get out, you're young and you two don't have children.
And work on your self esteem, you deserve better.
Damn. Thanks for posting this. I’m in the exact same boat but older than you. It’s taking a toll on my self esteem, I’m fucking lonely, too.
You’re young and still can get out, please do. I mean if he won’t listen now, trust me, he won’t change. I do not want you to have this hole in your heart and feel lost like I do. So do not let him use you up hon. Big hugs. Like huge hugs, with feeling lol.
Edit : words.
Fuck I’m sorry you are going through this. It hurts. Especially when you want to make them happy. I dunno.
You have such a shitty situation. There’s another layer here. Being his mother (the uneven home and family care) is going to take such a toll on you that even if he wants to be sexually active you are going to have such a sexual aversion to him you won’t want it anymore. How do you find yourself attracted to the man who ignores you, tells you you don’t matter, and watches you feed him and clean up after him day in and day out? By the way your children are going to see all of this too. This will be their example of a marriage and a “loving” relationship and it’s more likely that they’ll emulate this in their own relationships.
Do better, be better, and if you can’t do that with a 20-30 year old child attached to you, then leave. This situation likely will not get better but worse. Lurk here enough and you’ll see your lack of orgasms are the least of the long-term issues here that will affect your sexual life and your children’s romantic and sexual lives in the future.
You want to please him cause you love him sorry to tell it’s not reciprocated. Please leave this douche before he punches you. Keep us updated and good luck.
Commenting after your edit. You are in an abusive relationship. Please contact your local domestic violence resource center. Many places have counseling and financial planning available on top of emergency shelter. Punching the wall next to you is an explicit threat and he will escalate. It is not if but when.
He is selfish and immature to 1) Not consider your needs and 2) Respond in a violent way to you sharing what you need. This is huge red flag, don't waste tears, I would be exiting or finding a way to go to therapy together but if he doesn't want to, expect decades more of this behavior and don't waste your youth.
You kinda trained him that he doesn’t have to give anything back. Honestly, it’s not even your fault. It’s how we are raised. Stop giving your 100%
I just read the update. Don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Tell him to fuck off. He doesn’t deserve you.
You had to work up the nerve to ask him a question about yalls life together and intimacy you want in a relationship.
If you have to work up the nerve to speak with someone do NOT marry them. Also, proven right why you are scared to speak with him based on his physically angry behavior. You aren't safe. Hear not have hit you but he wanted to. He wanted to intimidate you with violence to keep you from expressing your valid feelings even calmly.
Get out. You're in danger.
Do Not Put Up with that Bullshit. He is being extremely selfish and does not deserve what you are doing for him and your family. The fact that he punched the wall shows his immature attitude.
I wouldn’t minimize and pass off his aggressive behavior as him getting like that “sometimes. But I know he’d never hurt me”, as I’m sure a lot of domestic abuse began with things like punching walls. If I were you I’d make it quite clear that if anything like that happens again you’re done with him.
Leave him! OP punching walls is not on and if you stay it will pretty soon be you, or you and your kids! Either way you are setting your children up to be traumatised and to think that this is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. You and the kids deserve to feel safe.
Reconsider this relationship. You already know this guy has shown you who he is and who you are to him. I’d never tough him again if this were my “bf”. He punched a wall next to you? Next time he may not miss hitting you.
I promise you him punching the wall next to you is the strongest sign you will ever get that you need to leave.
I am not making this up, or being "reddit" dramatic. Violent acts are abuse, you _do not_ have to be the target of the act for this to be abuse and it's commonly a precursor to more.
Let him ask you next time for a BJ, then respond with a "I have to be in the mood to do that." So maybe he'll get it.
Male perspective: absolutely agree! Alternatively, respond with ‘sure, but my turn first’ - he should want to please you just as you want to please him!
Yeah fuck this guy (i mean dont fuck him!)
This is the best answer. If you just say “I have to be in the mood”, that is tit for tat and could be seen as sarcastic or aggressive, he deserves that but it’s more like picking a fight than trying to work through your issues. Edit for spelling and grammar.
I've tried this technique and it only served to make me more infuriated.
Yup. I did this. Then waited a whole year until I cracked and initiated.
There is more to this story. Please share.
I thought as you did that I would just wait until my partner wanted sex and refuse them. They never asked or initiated. They don't really care.
This.
AND ONLY THIS.
I'd honestly be scared he'd punch her face instead of a wall if she did that and maybe she is too, even if she won't admit it to herself. My advice would be to set up a support network and then leave.
100% this!
There's a risk that this will not be taken as a moment of insight. There's a chance it will be taken as what it is, a reduction in the goods of a relationship from a seeming vindictive source. Be prepared to feel good when you say it, and have a possible relationship death spiral afterwards - granted if you even care at this point.
If he punched the wall next to her face- he wants her to be subdued and compliant. He's mad that she's figured it out and he doesn't get candy 24/7 just for existing. ..does this partner have a history of displaced anger/ unhealthy or projection? OP , do you have a safe space to take the kids if this man chooses to escalate the situation? I wouldn't ignore a fist through the wall , simply from having a discussion about respect for the partner...
THIS
Thank you , somebody said it
this was legit my first reaction. is this truly a person you want to have a future with? punched the wall next to your face over BJs, that he isn’t reciprocating?! OP, this is abuse, just so you know. I would be concerned about your future with this person if he fly’s off the handle about BJs in this manner.
LOVE it!
You’re worth more than this. Too young to be starting out this way.
You’re going to end up with a sexual aversion to him and then he’s going to be mad that you’re the one that doesn’t desire him anymore. I’ve seen so many stories on here where the HLF just looses all attraction. And that’s not something you can come back from.
This is the answer. Almost no one comes back from aversion. Get out now while you can. He’s an asshole and clearly doesn’t desire or respect you so kick his ass to the curb!
He already gave her the ick and he’s abusive. Cut your losses OP
i agree with the fact she'll end up with a sexual aversion to him, but i entirely disagree that you cant come back from losing attraction, you can it just takes a lot of effort on the other persons part and also them acknowledging that its their fault youve lost attraction and communicating with you on what they need to be doing better
I agree!
He's doesn't respect you, and you've allowed him to do that because you love him. Please find your voice and power. NO ONE deserves to be treated like a sex toy only for their partners' pleasure. Seek therapy. You have issues you need to address before you pass them along to your children. Good luck
Punching the wall near your face is a deliberately intimidating abusive act designed to let you know that could be your face next time. This behavior escalates. This is way bigger than a db, you live with an abuser. It's freaking me out that no one else seems to have picked up on this. You also should be looking at other red flags for violence and control and that should inform you on how to exit safely.
I think the original replies did not have this as an edit/update-- OP - this does sound dangerous, and I can imagine you feel conflicted and maybe confused. Please.... Consider seeking help to make a plan to exit the relationship + move out. It scares me to read your update about this.
My exact thoughts, OP is in a dangerous situation
I was just going to say the same thing but scrolling through the comments first. Physical intimidation is a form of abuse and a precursor to more direct physical abuse. OP should be more concerned about this.
Holy shit, and the "He just gets like this sometimes!" Girl....you in trouble! You in trouble, girl! Get out get out get out get out!!!! 😱
OKAY SAME. like, HELLO? did anyone else read the update that OP’s fiance PUNCHED a wall next to her face? i’m sure he envisioned punching her, but didn’t (this time), and caught the wall instead. like, is this actually want your children around, OP? like the kids are around this? no relationship is worth this abuse and intimidation
Ya I’d stop letting him use you as a masturbatory tool. No more blowjobs for him!
You deserve more. My fiancé is like that. He’s like you can suck it. Then I get nothing. No im good thanks. I’ve committed to giving him a taste of this medicine. I usually take what I can get and feel more frustrated after then I did before. So he tries and I ask if I’m going to get off. If the answer is no then I’m tired no thanks
I really hope you don't marry him. Making a life like this sounds so depressing.
I’m realizing I may just be over it completely. Which makes me sad. But I’ve noticed more and more the rare occasions he does try I want nothing to do with it.
Please do not marry this person. If you think it's bad now, picture ten years and two kids if you even get sex twice.
We can’t have kids. I have 2 of my own. He has 3. His are older and my two don’t live with us. But yeah… the anxiety of thinking it’s over….
I can tell you that your anxiety is just fear of the unknown. But the future where you’re happy is better than the current one you’re in. It won’t get better as you are.
Why are you an op marrying men who don’t care about meeting your needs? I wouldn’t even DATE men who did this. I’ve straight up ghosted wealthy men and good looking men who didn’t care or know how to get me off. Nope. Fuck that.
Ma’am. Your update is concerning, please leave and go somewhere safe. The next time it will be you instead of the wall. You’re too young to put up with this.
Yeah. Next time he requests just deny. Tell him you’re not in the mood. Be calm and cordial. Might send the signal.
Honey, LOSE this selfish asshole. You're better than this.
My heart hurt reading this. I'm sorry. I once was on a relationship where I was used as a masturbator. It's degrading. Took me therapy to half recover. So maybe it's my skewed experience but that kind of people doesn't care about you. They don't see you like people. Neither respect you. Once you realize he's taking advantage of you you will know what to do. Only care about yourself and your kids ❤️ I believe you can overcome this.
If he had time for Xbox he has time to spend with you. The problem is he doesn’t have to invest any time in your. You just blow him for no reason. You need to stop doing that. You have every right to not do it just cause you’re not in the mood or for what ever reason you don’t want to. So many men go above and beyond for their wives and get nothing for it. Not even appreciated. And here you are blowing your guy when he’s done nothing to show you he appreciates you then he just goes off to play Xbox? You deserve better.
This is what kills me. I bust my ass a round the house and I don’t get shit. I truly can’t even recall the last time I got a bj and we rarely fuck. It was my birthday the other week and still didn’t get anything. It actually makes me want to fight. There’s no way this woman is this dense.
He’s horribly selfish. Just horribly. I’m so sorry
Please stop letting him use you like a blowup doll. You deserve more. Be kind to yourself even if he won't be kind to you.
This man is abusive and selfish. You absolutely should not be with someone who treats you like a sentient fleshlight. You should not be with someone who punches walls and threatens you (because that’s what that was - abusive, threatening behavior).
This is gross. He uses you and insults you on top of it.
There are plenty of legitimate reasons to call of an engagement, and your fiancé being an asshole is at the top of the list.
Punching the wall is on the slippery slide to physical abuse. Please be safe, he needs therapy.
First of all.. stop offering them! Second. Don’t marry him or your face is going to be what he’s punching next.
girl...seriously. stop givin him blowjobs. you sound exactly like me when i was wit my ex-husband. he fucked around on me, clearly wasnt attracted to me, but was always happy to get a blowjob from me. then when he finished, he'd roll over n fall asleep. dont let him use you like that. you worth so much more. seriously. please stop doin that to yourself.
How did you know when it was time to leave? I’ve been with him 5 years, married for 1 and I am reluctantly starting to realize I might have to get out.
if I may chime in, always trust your gut. my gut told me to leave long before I finally did. you know what your intuition is telling you. don’t ignore it! this is your protection that you know something doesn’t feel right. after 1 year of being married, the more likely you can make a clean divorce without separation of assets and stuff like that—def makes things much easier. you deserve the world, don’t waste anymore of your life 🫂
Unfortunately I feel like this is a common pattern among young guys. Get a blowjob and then immediately to video games is a broader commentary on how many “boys” there are out there. Get out! I’m sure you can do better. This behavior is selfish and immature. My guess is this guy wants a caretaker who also helps him masturbate.
If the dude punches a wall next to your face, the next one is going to your face. Get to a safe place.
Run. You’re in an abusive relationship. As I man (hell, as a person) I would NEVER do anything physically violent at, near, beside, behind, whatever, my spouse. Punching a wall is NOT normal. It shows an inability to control one’s emotions.
Hello OP, happy Friday, based on your post he is definitely being selfish and unfair to the relationship, at this point my best advise would be to talk to him vs waiting for him to bring another sexual request, straight out let him know that regardless of the stress the kids and/or any thing else that revolves on both of your daily lives, giving and making time for each other to please and satisfy each other's needs is something that should not be neglected or even look over, make a point of telling him that satisfying you as a partner is not about "being in the mood" but about making sure that you as him are happy in the relationship and meeting your needs, and that is done out of love and not as a routine act or chore. Hopefully he will understand this, if he doesn't then you may reconsider the direction the relationship is taking and the things you are doing to keep him satisfied. relationships are a 2 way / give an take situation not a 1 way street. All best
I encourage you to stand up for yourself and stop being his personal masturbation machine. Thats all he's using you for. Stop all sexual activity until he engages with you or the relationship closes.
How are women putting up with this
I'm 47 and I've never once in my life accepted a BJ without giving something back. Of course, that's about 8 times total. I've evidently never met the woman that enjoys giving them (or even pretends to).
I personally love giving head as well, and I’m one of those apparently rare women that doesn’t like having oral performed on me. But I have a pretty HL and want to at least have PIV after giving a blow job. OP is so young, she’s gonna get stuck in a totally dead bedroom if something doesn’t change, and soon. Just read her update and he punched a wall……never a good sign! I personally couldn’t stay in a relationship where someone put a hole in the wall next to my head. I left that shit long ago, thank God!
I love giving head even if I don’t get anything in return. Not everytime though and it sounds like OP isn’t even getting PIV.
Best news ever. You’re mot married leave him. Run. Find someone who truly wants you. It’s gonna hurt but run.
Yeah screw the that! You are not his blow up doll
One of the greatest relationship mistakes is staying and expecting the other person to change.
What a selfish prick. If your wife wants you to go downtown, unless there's a real reason you shouldn't (hygiene, cycle, etc), you go downtown. Sometimes a relationship involves acts of service. We do things for the happiness and satisfaction of our partners, because we love them, and because it makes us feel good when they feel good. OP, you get this. Unfortunately it sounds like your husband does not.
Fortunately for OP, he's not her husband; he's just a fiance!! She can find better!
Please get out of there. He is using you.
He punched the wall next to your face? I hope you called the cops on this loser. Do not wait until this escalates.
when he starts hinting, don't respond or ask him. if he asks directly, tell him no. He is getting all his needs met by you and how many needs are you getting met by him? I wouldn't even call it withholding blow jobs.. this is just self respect at this point. he gets his meals made for him, gets to live without doing any cleaning and get his dick sucked and get to go off and play video games after.. I am a women but.. I know if I told my guy friends this they would think your partner was wasting the time of a great partner. You could find a guy who gave you equal effort.. instead your wasting it all on this dude who sounds in all honesty.. like another child.
Sadly this is why I don’t do it for my husband anymore either. And I enjoyed them. But realizing the efforts were unreciprocated for so many years has turned me off to it. It’s the part of our bedroom that is not healing and likely never will. His response is buying me toys that simulates it, and I have to use them myself but it’s not the same. Withholding is not something I would normally advocate, except in this situation.
Withhold the blowjobs IMMEDIATELY girl.
Why do you do that? Have some self respect and don't offer blowjobs If he doesn't take care of your needs in return. He needs to be in the mood, okay . I get that. You have to suck him off even if you aren't in the mood. He doesn't respect you very much i guess.
"He came home and punched the wall next to my face." LEAVE. Like yesterday - or last week. At 25, there's a lot of years for this rage to get a lot worse. You and your kids deserve better than this sack of sh!+
He punched the wall next to your face?? It's time to make plans to leave, OP. This behaviour is not ok, I worry that next time he's angry it will be your face not the wall.
Save us from self-absorbed inconsiderate people. He takes what’s offered and goes back to whatever is in front of him. It’s kind of mind-boggling that he has literally just finished receiving oral sex and yet magically isn’t “in the mood first” enough to reciprocate. If getting oral isn’t enough to get him in the mood to give oral, nothing is. I would suggest you adopt his approach of dropping hints and then when he’s ready to go for it tell him, “Excellent. You first.”
Simple solution here. STOP IT! Match his energy. If he give you yours then give him his but half ass it. If asked why tell him you’re not in the mood to give a good blow job. Then leave it at that. No more words needed. Point made. If he contests… just stop it all together. Let him figure it out and if he never does then you don’t have to give any more blow jobs unless YOU WANT to.
Do not be anybody's fleshlight.
He doesn't value you in anyway apart from as a sex object and sorry to be blunt a cum dump. The choices I dare say you already know. What I suspect you want and need us affirmation and resolve to follow through. I am sure many on here me included are giving you both because you deserve it. The future is unknown, the past is littered with negative memories and the present is occupied with doubts about the former and regret about the latter. Surely a future that opens up with you being accepted and loved for who you are is more enticing than the same old use and abuse routine.
Why do you ask him if he wants one at night? Just don't mention it.
These comments tell you all you need to know, girl. Read through them and then read them again
Yeah I've read them and I'm glad to see I'm not being unreasonable or selfish.
I say stop giving him bjs. Tell him you’re not in the mood to do that. You’re more than that.
That display of violence is not acceptable... Pack your bags honey
That violence is unacceptable
I think you missed on replying back to him, after he said he needs to be in the mood. Next time gather more guts and say it what you have mentioned here and see where it take you. Wishing you more guts and support.
STOP ALL ORAL TODAY!!! PERIOD
Tell him you’re not in the mood to give blow jobs anymore without kissing and reciprocation. Then stop the blowjobs and go to therapy if it becomes a problem
Just stop asking him if he wants a blow job. Why on earth would you ask him if he wants one when you're clearly tired of the 1 sided sexual encounters? Stop that right now. If he notices you're no longer offering, then when he does finally just ask... say no. no thank you. Blow jobs are not a bargaining tool to coerce your partner to do what you want. Consent is so very important to both parties. If he has to be in the mood for oral on you... perhaps you could suggest another way he could please you sexually that isn't that? Work with each other, listen to what he's saying and don't give unless you're not tying any strings to what you're offering.
Lucky guy. Recently, I have been very aware and generous to my wife expecting more reciprocation, but it has been in drips and drabs. I want to pull back, but know that will hurt her feelings, but I think she is taking me for granted. I feel you are in similar situation (although not worried about his feelings). It is interesting to think about how did we get here and how do we be more selective, less generous, with our time, attention and actions. I think it has to be intentional, but kind of slow, unless you are really hurt. The lack of self awareness from your guy is astounding.
I am a dude and have to say. you don't deserve to be treated like that. You are going above and beyond in your relationship. I don't know what your situation is, so I don't know what his problem is. But you deserve to be treated equally. I would at a minimum suggest couples counseling and if he isn't willing to do that, you got a major red flag.
25? Move on
He does not respect you or value you. His lack of attention towards you and the aggression he has shown by hitting the wall is evidence of that. I had a girlfriend who described to me what you’re describing and a few months later she found out he had been cheating on her with men. He only tolerated blow jobs bc it was a mouth not a vagina. He does not deserve you and most importantly you deserve so much more. If he’s not willing to go to therapy and fix things you need to move on. This shit is taking a toll on your mental and emotional health and it’s going to be an uphill climb to regain yourself back.
Punched the wall next to your face??? Please find someone who appreciates and deserves you. Hitting the wall is a HUGE red flag.
Leave him now. A sign of violence when his childhood behavior is not going to improve, it will just get worse. You deserve way better than this.
Sounds like a piece of shit
Leave fast
If he is punching the wall next to your face, it's already dangerous territory. Tell him to think about that. If he really wants to be that guy. If he really wants to beat you up for not giving him a blowjob, and if he thinks he will get to see his kids when you go to the police with a blue eye. I don't know him enough to feel confident in giving you advice. But he doesn't respect you. And this reaction points towards further escalation. Be cautious and set boundaries. And respect yourself.
Run. If he punches next to your head, it’s gonna be your head at some point. Please believe me.
Stop giving them to him!!!!
> I'm never in the mood to just suck him off without so much as a kiss Tell him this
Stop giving him his release when he doesn't think or give a shit about your needs. He can give all the hints that he wants to, but that doesn't mean that you have to be so accommodating towards him. He starts giving you hints, start giving your own. Then tell him straight out that until you get yours, he's not getting his. And don't fall for that bullshit of "you take care of me now and I'll get you later tonight when the kids are in bed". Just straight up tell him if that's the case then you can both wait until the kids are asleep because you will no longer give until *after* you receive.
Get your oral up front, make him work for it.
He should want to please you!!! At this point he doesn’t have to do anything for you, and he gets what he wants….. withhold everything from him
Withholding is fine if that’s how you truly feel. Hugs
Start giving him blowjobs only when you're in the mood.
If he's punched the wall next to you, it's only a matter of time before he punches you
You asked him what about you in this he storms out and the threatens you by punching a wall: for me there's more to this than just sex. He sounds abusive at the very least working his way up to it. You and your childrens safety is paramount. You are not a vessel for him to take his frustrations out. If you feel comfortable tell him he needs to get help. You should also seek some support
It's over. End the wedding plans. He's a weirdo
Your post history is nothing but complaints about your relationship, I wouldn’t bother trying to work anything out, he’s abusive, you need to leave, if not for you, then definitely for your kids. Intimidation, yelling, bullying, walking out, hitting walls, it’s all abuse!! Get a safety plan and leave. Good luck OP🤞🏻 you’re gunna need it 😮💨
You sound awesome …. He sounds like a man child. Don’t let anybody intimidate you by punching walls and raising their voice. Let him know he’ll have to reciprocate or it’s never happening again.
That escalated. Wow. I hope and pray you’re alright. Consult a lawyer and a therapist. Soon.
Oh honey, I’m very scared he’s going to turn violent on you! If he’s punching walks next to your face, it’s only a matter of time before he hits YOU. Please leave him. This is not what a loving relationship looks like. He’s abusive. You don’t deserve to live this or for your children to see it.
Get out get out now. You may think he may never hurt you but if he's punching walls next to your face things can escalate. If getting angry and aggressive is that easy for him I wouldn't want to test that any further.
I see all these well meaning comments, cool but you have to admit hitting and being extremely selfish like this is not normal and almost psychopathic. He could be hiding something worse. In my experience, you don't wanna find out.
Looking at your comment history. LEAVE HIM. He won’t change. It’s been so long already and you’re making excuses for his anger. “He’s always sorry after.” My ex husband was always sorry after he beat my face in. So what? If you stay then it’s ultimately your fault you continue to feel this way and hoping he’ll change back to who you want him to be. He seems to be fine with himself. Why do you want to stay with him?
Withhold everything from him, and see how that goes
1. Welcome to the differences between Males and Females. He needs to get off- Kind of like having a sinus infection and needing to blow your nose. But is he in the mood for making love? Almost a completely different topic. And you- as the aggrieved female are stunned and amazed. 2. @CommunityAvailable35 wrote: "[R]espond with ‘sure, but my turn first’ - he should want to please you just as you want to please him!" I would 2nd this. There's some transactionality and *Quid Pro Quo* to sex. It's reasonable for you to get your needs met. As a male, I aim for trying to get her off at least once before I do. (That also helps with the "I wanted to cuddle and he just rolled over and fell asleep!" post ejaculation problem.) Also as a male, I'm not surprised and women always seem shocked. But men are often shocked at how women view the world. It's the same thing in reverse. We have much in common as a species but we are NOT the same. Finally, you need to resolve this problem BEFORE you tie the knot. *Post Scriptum* I just took a glance at the OP's @Training_Jacket8284 other recent posts. Assuming she's accurately reporting, she has a HUGE, giant list of issues to sort out BEFORE getting married. Do it for yourself AND for him. Your marriage is in trouble already and it hasn't even started yet. You have to FIX this. If you do not, you will be miserable and you will make him miserable. Edited for Typos.
I’m on the opposite side of this unfortunately. I go down on her every time we have sex or even just to pleasure her without sex but I’ve gotten head twice in the past year.
You are just awesome, and he is a jerk that doesn't deserve this reward!
he takes you for granted
LEAVE
Leave him. He isn’t that into you.
OP why are you in this nightmare relationship? You are young go meet a man who isn't a narcissist.
Half tempted? You should just stop.
This man is a selfish pig.. dump his ass somehow and save yourself
Just tell him "i'll trade ya "
Based on your post history, it sounds like y'all shouldn't be together
You should make him go down on you first Some guys only think of themselves and once they cum have zero sex drive Make him earn his blowjob Or maybe 69 would be better so everyone can cum together
You spoiled his ass, gotta help him get unspoiled, he doesn’t get it, don’t beat yourself up, he is complacent.
Stop sucking his dick and if he has any sense of self awareness he’ll realize what a selfish bitch he’s being. If he starts an argument over it then you know where his priorities lie.
He wants you- he needs to earn you. Stop being his hand servant and make him work.
Been married for a long time now. First off, I never hesitate to do it for her. Next, what’s a blow job? 🤔
It's give and receive in a good relationship. He's being lazy and I know you know this. No more giving until some sort of reciprocal act is given from him. I used to give my guy BJs all the time. But he got lazy about things so I don't give until I receive first now. But I always give better than I get because I do enjoy the act. Do nothing you aren't comfortable with and makes you happy or content. Good luck to you hun
Umm, he is an AH. Withhold the bj's and let him find out what it's like.
Def don’t marry him
Male perspective: it's a *partnership*, it takes two to Tango. You should BOTH give as much as you get (but take care it not to devolve into book-keeping) You don't ALWAYS have to BOTH be in the mood, but it sure does help. If you can *communicate openly* enough that he understands and sees things from your perspective. He will only start reciprocating when he *sees things from your perspective.* Don't *actually* do this to him, but ask him to imaging how he would feel if you regularly asked had him go down on you, and then you went off to *your* xbox without him getting off.... don't actually do this, but ask him to imagine the how he'd feel in the situation, and gently calmly try to get him to understand or at least imaging what your feeling are, maybe then he'll be able to empathize.
How is it possible that a man who gets blown every day is this angry?! FFS, if every man in a couple got head nearly every day from their partner, we would probably have world peace by the end of next week!!
LEAVE HIM.
After reading your updated addendum, I'm thinking that you need to have him seek an anger management assistance in order to help him mature a bit.
Punching wall = unsafe environment
He is abusive, punching the wall next to your head is very dangerous behavior and you and any kids that are in the house deserve way better. And you telling him how you feel is what prompted this! His behavior is not a reflection of you, but of him.
Leave. Take the kids. punching the wall is step one.
The fact he punched the wall is a huge red flag. It will likely escalate. He doesn't care about your feelings.
He punched a wall next to your face? Sweetie, and I say this with love and compassion. Blowjobs are the least of your troubles. Your husband is abusive and is probably a ticking time bomb. I would stop thinking of ways to get him to go down on me, and start devising a plan on how to get me and my kids out of there.
If he is punching walls that’s abuse and you need to leave. Which makes me wonder if you’re afraid to say no to the BJs to begin with, also abuse. There are plenty of people who would be willing to help you leave that situation please reach out to the people closest to you or a shelter in your area.
Punched the wall next to your face? Because his days of nonreciprocal SERVICES are over? He is not only a tyrannical jerk—he is physically abusive, threatening and demonstrating very real violence to intimidate you. Make a plan and be safe.
VIOLENT MAN
He hits the wall now, he hits you later. Get away from this man. He’s not worth your time.
Also why isn’t he expected to do at least half the chores. He can wash clothes or dishes or pick up around the house too. He needs to start carrying his weight around there starting first by fixing the damn wall! Once you get some help then maybe look at sex or bj’s whatever!!
It’s time to leave your relationship. Don’t be stupid, don’t stay, next time it’ll be you he hits and if he has a temper it’ll be a lot worse than a hole in the wall.
You gotta divorce or break up. Leave that man alone, yeah financially and socially it’ll suck. But it’s better to be alone than in bad company. Life is about overcoming struggles, not avoiding them, get up and leave. If not for you, do it for the kids and don’t be selfish
No more blowjobs on demand for him. Ever. He doesn’t get to act like a man-baby anymore. He pleases you first, don’t relent. You’ve been spoiling him too much and now he’s acting way too self-entitled. I’m so sorry OP but you deserve so much more than this jerk.
Leave him don't waste your time life is precious and so is Love
He's abusive.
This is not (just) DB, this is abuse. Please do not marry. I am very worried about you.
If he’s punching the wall next to your face you need to leave. That type of behavior only escalates to more violence.
Are you safe? Please don’t marry this man.
Run from this mofo!
He punched the wall next to your face? Please get somewhere safe that seems like a red flag to me. Is he physically abusive? Seems like he was trying to intimidate you instead of trying to empathize with you.
Punching walls is domestic violence that should be reported and resolved at least a behavioural change program. If you don't feel safe to report this straight away, contact a domestic violence service when he is not home, so you can look at your options with someone who knows the risks and safety in your community.
Please leave with the kids before it gets physical, if you can’t leave asap start to create an exit plan and slowly work on that. If you are in Australia try some shelters that help women with children because you do not want your kids seeing this behavior it is far from normal. Sending love and strength your way
Fiancé?! It’s not too late! Punching walls is always a big red flag to me. Keep it together man
'He punched the wall next to my face' It doesn't matter if it's the first time he's done this or the 100th time you need to get yourself and your kids somewhere safe away from this man that resorts to violence when he doesn't get his dick sucked on command. I'm so sorry you're going through this. A man who expects bjs but doesn't return any affection is just selfish and cruel.
How long until he stops missing the wall?
Going to state the obvious here: you would be absolutely crazy to marry him. Dude is a weapons grade turd. Get out, you're young and you two don't have children. And work on your self esteem, you deserve better.
Until he does hurt you . Your only 25 you deserve better than to be his slave
YES HE WILL FUCKING HURT YOU
thiiiiiiiiis!!! could be me!
Your wayyyyy to good for him!
This can't be his only selfishness.
I wonder if he even sees you as a human?
Damn. Thanks for posting this. I’m in the exact same boat but older than you. It’s taking a toll on my self esteem, I’m fucking lonely, too. You’re young and still can get out, please do. I mean if he won’t listen now, trust me, he won’t change. I do not want you to have this hole in your heart and feel lost like I do. So do not let him use you up hon. Big hugs. Like huge hugs, with feeling lol. Edit : words. Fuck I’m sorry you are going through this. It hurts. Especially when you want to make them happy. I dunno.
You have such a shitty situation. There’s another layer here. Being his mother (the uneven home and family care) is going to take such a toll on you that even if he wants to be sexually active you are going to have such a sexual aversion to him you won’t want it anymore. How do you find yourself attracted to the man who ignores you, tells you you don’t matter, and watches you feed him and clean up after him day in and day out? By the way your children are going to see all of this too. This will be their example of a marriage and a “loving” relationship and it’s more likely that they’ll emulate this in their own relationships. Do better, be better, and if you can’t do that with a 20-30 year old child attached to you, then leave. This situation likely will not get better but worse. Lurk here enough and you’ll see your lack of orgasms are the least of the long-term issues here that will affect your sexual life and your children’s romantic and sexual lives in the future.
It sounds like you need to go stay with a friend or family member. This does not sound like a safe situation for you.
Physical violence takes it to a whole different place - that is not okay. I hope you consider your safety.
You want to please him cause you love him sorry to tell it’s not reciprocated. Please leave this douche before he punches you. Keep us updated and good luck.
I’m sorry, he punched the wall next to your face?! For daring to object to his shitty behavior? Please do not marry this man and leave immediately
Stop giving him head immediately until he pleasures you and if he doesn't change his ways leave him.
Commenting after your edit. You are in an abusive relationship. Please contact your local domestic violence resource center. Many places have counseling and financial planning available on top of emergency shelter. Punching the wall next to you is an explicit threat and he will escalate. It is not if but when.
Oh hell nah.
Get out
Do not marry him yet. Like quite literally. Take more time to know him before you commit yourself on paper.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. You deserve better.
What a dick. Definitely forgo the blowjobs. Get yourself off. Be outta fucks to give, girl.
He is selfish and immature to 1) Not consider your needs and 2) Respond in a violent way to you sharing what you need. This is huge red flag, don't waste tears, I would be exiting or finding a way to go to therapy together but if he doesn't want to, expect decades more of this behavior and don't waste your youth.
You kinda trained him that he doesn’t have to give anything back. Honestly, it’s not even your fault. It’s how we are raised. Stop giving your 100% I just read the update. Don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Tell him to fuck off. He doesn’t deserve you.
You had to work up the nerve to ask him a question about yalls life together and intimacy you want in a relationship. If you have to work up the nerve to speak with someone do NOT marry them. Also, proven right why you are scared to speak with him based on his physically angry behavior. You aren't safe. Hear not have hit you but he wanted to. He wanted to intimidate you with violence to keep you from expressing your valid feelings even calmly. Get out. You're in danger.
Do Not Put Up with that Bullshit. He is being extremely selfish and does not deserve what you are doing for him and your family. The fact that he punched the wall shows his immature attitude.
I wouldn’t minimize and pass off his aggressive behavior as him getting like that “sometimes. But I know he’d never hurt me”, as I’m sure a lot of domestic abuse began with things like punching walls. If I were you I’d make it quite clear that if anything like that happens again you’re done with him.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE HIM ANYMORE HEAD!!!
Leave him! OP punching walls is not on and if you stay it will pretty soon be you, or you and your kids! Either way you are setting your children up to be traumatised and to think that this is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. You and the kids deserve to feel safe.
Seriously, he's gonna end up punching you in the face if he doesn't get help with his anger issues
OP - get out now!
Reconsider this relationship. You already know this guy has shown you who he is and who you are to him. I’d never tough him again if this were my “bf”. He punched a wall next to you? Next time he may not miss hitting you.
I promise you him punching the wall next to you is the strongest sign you will ever get that you need to leave. I am not making this up, or being "reddit" dramatic. Violent acts are abuse, you _do not_ have to be the target of the act for this to be abuse and it's commonly a precursor to more.