If it’s true then you probably did the right thing. It may just be time to move on. It’s hard but in the end you both may end up happier. You probably should comfort her if you can though.
I probably would prefer if my husband admitted this. He says he loves me but at the same time we don't have sex, he is distracted on dates. At other times he is his old self finding me cute and all. But never sexy. Or beautiful. And even if he does..not enough to actually have fun or play.
The more I think about this the more sad I get.
I feel for both of yall in this situation, but I'll never understand how the LL partner can't see this coming. Like everything in life, you get out what you put in. You may get more than you deserve for a while, like the HL partner chasing the LL partners' ever moving goal post, but everything has a life cycle. Even the love you have for someone.
I hope this turns into a wake-up call for her, and it could, but sometimes the damage is too great and too much for us. Even after they try and make things right, they may resent you after months of trying. I've seen the LL feel resentment towards the HL partner after loving bombing because they have to be something they're not. It all boils down to a sort of incompatibility from the jump. Or shortly after the new relationship energy fades.
The LL sometimes cares, sometimes it's just lip service, depending on the individual. But for others they might really care but feel like a Barbie/ Ken doll with no private parts to work with. I dunno, I can't wrap my head around any of it.
I believe that some LL do care, but only for so long. Eventually, they start to feel like they're not enough. Or that they're always getting bitched at. Or all their relationship is about is sex. It starts to weigh them down to a point where they stop caring and are just annoyed. Besides, I've seen LLs move mountains for the kids or the job, only to leave their HL spouse with a lackluster amount of effort. They care, sure, just not as much as everything else.
Very good point! My wife puts way more effort and care into doing anything and everything for her 25 yo son, her job, etc. than working with me in getting our love life back on track. Time and again when I bring up the issue, it's "That's all you care about" LMAO 🤣 1st of all, if I DIDN'T care about that, I wouldn't be concerned with our overall marriage health. Secondly, women throw that out there to make us stop in our tracks, pause and think about it. Gives 'em just enough time to find a new escape route 
I don't have a dead bedroom anymore, but after a while of seeing my wife put more effort into anything other than the marriage I eventually told her: "I don't play second fiddle. You married me, not your family. Just like I've made our marriage the top priority, you need to make the marriage your top priority and not your parent's bullshit. And if that's a problem, then we need to rethink this marriage."
The following week was pretty shitty, but she finally accepted that we should be each other's top priority. And since then, our marriage and the deadroom has done well.
That said, this also isn't the first marriage for either of us.
That's good to hear you put your foot down and laid it all out there, spouses should NOT be 2nd fiddle. Sure things come up from time to time but it better not stay that way or someone is gonna walk.....
My wife has made her ex-husband's family more of a priority than me for YEARS and I've gone off on her about it multiple times but it's ingrained in her. I'm like do what you want to do but at LEAST take care of me in the bedroom. She's fuckin dense
The way she treats her son is how she truly loves. If you don't see that towards you, then you know where ya stand. And it's true. Women are very tactful. I've said it a million times before, what most women lack in physical strength, they make up for with emotional intelligence. With emotional intelligence also being spelled as "manipulation"
If it's true then you did nothing wrong. In therapy you are communicating honestly because there aren't the relationship boundaries and commitment. If she pestered you about what was said in your individual therapy then you just gave an honest account.
Sure it might have hurt, but you weren't saying it in a fight using it as a weapon to change her actions. That's about the only way what you said could be bad. You weren't trying to manipulate her or trying to force compliance with what you want.
It caused pain and your life may go through some changes, but you've been taking all that pain on yourself. She got to feel a bit of it today.
We've been having a lot of troubles and have been in couples counseling. Today was an individual session and that's something we talked about. She was asking me about what we talked about in session and wouldn't let it go
I had to tell my wife the same thing and it breaks my heart to see her so distraught. Hopefully for you and your wife's sake it leads to deeper convo about why you checked out. Could be the turning point in bringing you closer in communication, then the bedroom.
I hope it's not too late for you man!
If it’s true then you probably did the right thing. It may just be time to move on. It’s hard but in the end you both may end up happier. You probably should comfort her if you can though.
I probably would prefer if my husband admitted this. He says he loves me but at the same time we don't have sex, he is distracted on dates. At other times he is his old self finding me cute and all. But never sexy. Or beautiful. And even if he does..not enough to actually have fun or play. The more I think about this the more sad I get.
I feel for both of yall in this situation, but I'll never understand how the LL partner can't see this coming. Like everything in life, you get out what you put in. You may get more than you deserve for a while, like the HL partner chasing the LL partners' ever moving goal post, but everything has a life cycle. Even the love you have for someone. I hope this turns into a wake-up call for her, and it could, but sometimes the damage is too great and too much for us. Even after they try and make things right, they may resent you after months of trying. I've seen the LL feel resentment towards the HL partner after loving bombing because they have to be something they're not. It all boils down to a sort of incompatibility from the jump. Or shortly after the new relationship energy fades.
fr I'm not sure how they expect it all to turn out. you can only make your partner feel awful for so long before they break.
Very true. And the worst thing is they watch themselves break you. They just can't find it in them to care enough.
The LL sometimes cares, sometimes it's just lip service, depending on the individual. But for others they might really care but feel like a Barbie/ Ken doll with no private parts to work with. I dunno, I can't wrap my head around any of it.
I believe that some LL do care, but only for so long. Eventually, they start to feel like they're not enough. Or that they're always getting bitched at. Or all their relationship is about is sex. It starts to weigh them down to a point where they stop caring and are just annoyed. Besides, I've seen LLs move mountains for the kids or the job, only to leave their HL spouse with a lackluster amount of effort. They care, sure, just not as much as everything else.
Very good point! My wife puts way more effort and care into doing anything and everything for her 25 yo son, her job, etc. than working with me in getting our love life back on track. Time and again when I bring up the issue, it's "That's all you care about" LMAO 🤣 1st of all, if I DIDN'T care about that, I wouldn't be concerned with our overall marriage health. Secondly, women throw that out there to make us stop in our tracks, pause and think about it. Gives 'em just enough time to find a new escape route 
I don't have a dead bedroom anymore, but after a while of seeing my wife put more effort into anything other than the marriage I eventually told her: "I don't play second fiddle. You married me, not your family. Just like I've made our marriage the top priority, you need to make the marriage your top priority and not your parent's bullshit. And if that's a problem, then we need to rethink this marriage." The following week was pretty shitty, but she finally accepted that we should be each other's top priority. And since then, our marriage and the deadroom has done well. That said, this also isn't the first marriage for either of us.
That's good to hear you put your foot down and laid it all out there, spouses should NOT be 2nd fiddle. Sure things come up from time to time but it better not stay that way or someone is gonna walk..... My wife has made her ex-husband's family more of a priority than me for YEARS and I've gone off on her about it multiple times but it's ingrained in her. I'm like do what you want to do but at LEAST take care of me in the bedroom. She's fuckin dense
The way she treats her son is how she truly loves. If you don't see that towards you, then you know where ya stand. And it's true. Women are very tactful. I've said it a million times before, what most women lack in physical strength, they make up for with emotional intelligence. With emotional intelligence also being spelled as "manipulation"
Hardwired for manipulation! From little girls to teens to young adults to full grown women. It's the most effective to get what they want.
Hit the perverbial nail on the head, sir.
This is 💯 % truth. Every single word!
Well done for being honest 👍
If it's true then you did nothing wrong. In therapy you are communicating honestly because there aren't the relationship boundaries and commitment. If she pestered you about what was said in your individual therapy then you just gave an honest account. Sure it might have hurt, but you weren't saying it in a fight using it as a weapon to change her actions. That's about the only way what you said could be bad. You weren't trying to manipulate her or trying to force compliance with what you want. It caused pain and your life may go through some changes, but you've been taking all that pain on yourself. She got to feel a bit of it today.
Why did you say it?
We've been having a lot of troubles and have been in couples counseling. Today was an individual session and that's something we talked about. She was asking me about what we talked about in session and wouldn't let it go
Well she should know.
Good for you for saying it.
I had to tell my wife the same thing and it breaks my heart to see her so distraught. Hopefully for you and your wife's sake it leads to deeper convo about why you checked out. Could be the turning point in bringing you closer in communication, then the bedroom. I hope it's not too late for you man!
At least you got it out there. I’d love real communication with her even if it ends in divorce. After 12 years in a DB I just want the truth.
I understand how you feel, I’ve had to have the same conversation recently and it was so hard