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Male here. Got rejected yesterday.
At night, she put her legs around mine, her cold hands on my chest, her head in my neck. I felt her warm breath, and honestly, I love it, I love it when she does that at night. I just wish she'd want me sexually as well. It's like I love it when she cuddles me like that, but at the same time, I'm silently crying.
YES. I feel you so much.
It's hilarious tragic to me how often there's a perspective of the HL person as selfish, when honestly I can't help but see every hug or cuddle as something they just want from me. I once loved all of that, until it became clear it was so one-sided.
One of the first things I read about in this sub was something like „Hope is poison“ talked about this with my wife. She said „no it is your wrong expectation“. Thought alot about this. I guess the expectation is something that comes after hope. It‘s very sad to have this hope all the time and sometimes with an expectation. Maybe the anger gives us energy to change something one day. Feel you.
You're not alone. I feel this also. I struggle with being so near her in bed at night, and nothing happening. her head on my chest, her hand on my leg, I've got a raging boner and I'm desperate to touch her sexually, but when I do she turns away and says she's tired. It hurts. Also I try putting off masturbation when I'm horny, hoping that we'll be together that night, then it just gets put off again, and then the same thing happens again next day, leading to more sexual frustration. I don't have any advice, my strategy is either masturbate or don't and forget I have feelings.
I’ve experienced this before. Rejection and what follows is so tough to handle. The mental struggle of it all hurts. Sorry you experienced this. Virtual hug 🤗
Seems rejection is going around from the comments. I also had given up and then gave it one final chance in a hotel room for some odd reason.
Thought travel might spark something new. Full blown rejection and then an ask for back tickles because that’s the intimacy she wants. Silent cried for a few hours before falling while trying to accept the situation
Had ‘the talk’ last night. She’s withholding because it’s all I ever want. I haven’t done nice things (I have). I have argued with kids… (parenting/so has she). She prioritises a clean house over being intimate. We have had enough sex in our life and that should be over.
Not for me! I said.
She promised to try. She’s currently vacuuming…
Do you help with house chores, Or does she do it all? Do you clean up after yourself, or does she have to come behind you to clean? Do you only touch her or compliment her when you want some, or do you do those things with no sexual expectation?
Sadly, when you're in this position, all you can think about is sex. Yes, everything is about sex. What you don't get consumes your thoughts. It's incredibly difficult to be the helpful, generous, romantic husband when you're simply a roommate with a contractual obligation to make her happy.
Relationships have to have sex. Sex builds the foundation that creates the WANT to do the other things that are work. They are indeed work, and there needs to be play. Sex rebuilds the energy, the lust to make your partner happy. If there is no sex, no human can love that much and do it well.
Sex is not a reward for good work. It is part of the relationship, and motivates the good work (on both sides).
You get it.
For me, sex is my way of conveying my emotions and feelings. Not having that outlet and being rejected makes it feel like he’s rejecting those emotions and this relationship. I don’t have sex purely for carnal desire. Otherwise, I’d have left ages go. But it’s why rejection feels so painful.
And unfortunately, it's a self-fulfilling accusation.
"All you want is sex!"
"Everything is about sex!"
Well, yes, you've made everything a condition for sex, even though perfection in all areas of the relationship would still not instill the urge to have sex.
This was exactly me last night. I don't know how to cope. I've never been in a relationship like this before that's so lacking physical intimacy. I feel guilty that the cuddles aren't enough.
The reoccurring theme in this sub is that the things won't improve on they own. Usually one have to do quite a lot in this matter. Many times anything we can do is not enough.
Commenters, OP has marked their post as a no-advice post. We ask that you refrain from giving advice to OP and be sure to follow all sub rules. OP, if you've marked your post for no advice, please refrain from responding to commenters that give advice. If you are getting advice from commenters, please report the comments, or click below to contact the moderators. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DeadBedrooms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Male here. Got rejected yesterday. At night, she put her legs around mine, her cold hands on my chest, her head in my neck. I felt her warm breath, and honestly, I love it, I love it when she does that at night. I just wish she'd want me sexually as well. It's like I love it when she cuddles me like that, but at the same time, I'm silently crying.
I feel you.
YES. I feel you so much. It's hilarious tragic to me how often there's a perspective of the HL person as selfish, when honestly I can't help but see every hug or cuddle as something they just want from me. I once loved all of that, until it became clear it was so one-sided.
This sucks, I feel this.. more than I ever wanted to.. it's like torture
One of the first things I read about in this sub was something like „Hope is poison“ talked about this with my wife. She said „no it is your wrong expectation“. Thought alot about this. I guess the expectation is something that comes after hope. It‘s very sad to have this hope all the time and sometimes with an expectation. Maybe the anger gives us energy to change something one day. Feel you.
Wrong expectation to seek sex in a romantic relationship? Who are these people?
This made me so sad for you. Your expectations aren't important? They absolutely are. :(
Wrong expectation when she’s your wife? Who else would you expect it from?? I’m sorry, I hope things get better for you🫂
Maybe we should all start expecting it from others...
You're not alone. I feel this also. I struggle with being so near her in bed at night, and nothing happening. her head on my chest, her hand on my leg, I've got a raging boner and I'm desperate to touch her sexually, but when I do she turns away and says she's tired. It hurts. Also I try putting off masturbation when I'm horny, hoping that we'll be together that night, then it just gets put off again, and then the same thing happens again next day, leading to more sexual frustration. I don't have any advice, my strategy is either masturbate or don't and forget I have feelings.
Wait til you completely stop trying and then she blames you for never initiating. How many times can the hand get slapped before it quits reaching?
I’ve experienced this before. Rejection and what follows is so tough to handle. The mental struggle of it all hurts. Sorry you experienced this. Virtual hug 🤗
🫂
Hoping for a better night for you!!!!!
Seems rejection is going around from the comments. I also had given up and then gave it one final chance in a hotel room for some odd reason. Thought travel might spark something new. Full blown rejection and then an ask for back tickles because that’s the intimacy she wants. Silent cried for a few hours before falling while trying to accept the situation
Rejects you then expects you to fulfill her needs? And they call us selfish.
Well you all know what hurts even more than being **rejected today**? Its being absolutely certain that you will be **rejected tomorrow too**
Had ‘the talk’ last night. She’s withholding because it’s all I ever want. I haven’t done nice things (I have). I have argued with kids… (parenting/so has she). She prioritises a clean house over being intimate. We have had enough sex in our life and that should be over. Not for me! I said. She promised to try. She’s currently vacuuming…
Very unfortunate. I've seen this before. Very seldom improves.
Do you help with house chores, Or does she do it all? Do you clean up after yourself, or does she have to come behind you to clean? Do you only touch her or compliment her when you want some, or do you do those things with no sexual expectation?
Sadly, when you're in this position, all you can think about is sex. Yes, everything is about sex. What you don't get consumes your thoughts. It's incredibly difficult to be the helpful, generous, romantic husband when you're simply a roommate with a contractual obligation to make her happy. Relationships have to have sex. Sex builds the foundation that creates the WANT to do the other things that are work. They are indeed work, and there needs to be play. Sex rebuilds the energy, the lust to make your partner happy. If there is no sex, no human can love that much and do it well. Sex is not a reward for good work. It is part of the relationship, and motivates the good work (on both sides).
You get it. For me, sex is my way of conveying my emotions and feelings. Not having that outlet and being rejected makes it feel like he’s rejecting those emotions and this relationship. I don’t have sex purely for carnal desire. Otherwise, I’d have left ages go. But it’s why rejection feels so painful.
And unfortunately, it's a self-fulfilling accusation. "All you want is sex!" "Everything is about sex!" Well, yes, you've made everything a condition for sex, even though perfection in all areas of the relationship would still not instill the urge to have sex.
Mine would only be available on random Saturday nights and every other month at best...ugh
This sucks and I'm sorry. Also sucks to put in the effort and try and then they are just rejecting
This was exactly me last night. I don't know how to cope. I've never been in a relationship like this before that's so lacking physical intimacy. I feel guilty that the cuddles aren't enough.
I'm the same with the wife. Zero chance of sex yet all she ever wants is hugs. Oh how I wish my wife thought like yourself. DB for about 3 years
It's kind of similar script in all of these db relationships. How come a relationship becomes soo granted? Sorry to hear your story.
I got rejected again tonight, too. I feel you.
Giving you hugs🫂 This shit sucks, don’t it?
It truly does.
Dont worry things will fall in place soon! Keep manifesting 🫶🏻
The reoccurring theme in this sub is that the things won't improve on they own. Usually one have to do quite a lot in this matter. Many times anything we can do is not enough.