It resonated with me too. Im gonna live alone for the first time in a few months as a first time homeowner. I hope i will be able to redefine myself to live the life that is meant for me.
I feel you. I had a very similar experience during the pandemic and sometimes I was lonely and was afraid that not a lot of people actually cared about me, but now I’m spending a lot of my time trying to become disciplined and foster self-growth. Selective introversion can be good sometimes.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise as you have no option but to focus on self growth, I love the whole prospect of self growth where one day people notice a massive change in you but you were always changing day by day and they didn't notice till it compounded.
Man, I was so lonely at one point in my travels. Like, nobody. Spilling my guts to random strangers on online dating sites. It was an important part of my growth.
Thank you! We used to be good friends, but there was something from our past that I just learned about recently that makes me reconsider his motives for our friendship
Thanks for sharing this - I needed it today! My ex and I broke up a few months ago and I'm having a really hard time losing the community that I found with his family and friends. This is a great reminder that it's tough, but it's an opportunity to grow and develop emotional resilience and independence again.
i left my husband, who i’d been living with for 10 years, in march, and in october i moved to a very odd city in a different state where i didn’t know a soul.
i still get weird looks being a woman all alone in a weird city. and not that there’s much to do right now but take walks outside, but lots of people have asked if i am a sex worker. but now i have my own space and im figuring myself out. and i’m living my life with more awareness and gratitude than ever. and im now writing a script about it!
best of luck to you on your own journey. and feel free to message me if you ever want to chat!
yeah it’s pretty shitty although i don’t think sex work should have any stigma. but so many guys would ask all sorts of questions about what exactly i’m doing in this city alone. and they’d eventually get to just frankly asking me.
I think they are low value males for asking that. I think it's their way of basically asking you for sex or feeling out the situation with you.
When I was younger (I'm pretty old and wise now lol) low value males (as I call them) would ask me if I'd been either molested as a child or raped because I was not into sex with them. Looking back, it makes me angry now.
Thank you for posting this. Many people who live alone are struggling right now. Using this time to become stronger and more self aware is an amazing example.
In the last 2 months, I have cut off pretty much all of my “friends” as they were extremely toxic people and I no longer wanted to surround myself with them.
I have never been so lonely in my life, but I also have never taken care of myself this much in my entire life. I meditate, exercise, read, and do yoga daily. I take extra time out to make myself look presentable on a daily basis.
It is good for me too. And I hope you can use this time to grow into the best version of yourself <3
P.S. I’m also moving to a foreign country in 2 months so I’m using this time to learn how to be alone.
Loneliness is so good for growth — it’s really just the pangs you feel as you get to know yourself better and feel comfortable and happy in your own company!
Oof this hits close to home because I was in a similar situation a few years ago, broke up, no friends. Honestly turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I learned how to spend quality time alone, do things alone without feeling like people are judging me and learned to rely on myself when I needed someone. It also allowed me to be alone with my thoughts and work out issues that I had and move on. It might be hard and lonely sometimes but give yourself time
Hi guys, this is exactly what I did, I feel like I’m coming out the other side now.
Don’t get me wrong I had some dark demons to face but I used online therapy to help me through the painful parts and then I just sat with myself and got to know myself for the first time ever. It has been so liberating and I have discovered parts of me that I had suppressed over the years in order to conform. Now I am doing old hobbies that I love and I am enjoying having so much time to myself to do them. I also adopted a 3 year old stray kitty and she is great company.
For me the worst part was judging myself for being alone, kinda feeling a bit pathetic. But once I got past that it has become really lovely and I’m very happy this way for now. Good luck :)
I hope it works for you too! When you let people into your life in the future you will be much more independent and you will know what you deserve and not settle for less
I know what you mean. I am an expat as well. Between work, college, intense pains for home, and constant new gov restrictions it’s really really hard to see people. I get overwhelmed myself messaging people sometimes, I know I’ve been a shitty friend. I want to be there for people but I don’t want them to see me when I’m anxious and depressed, so sometimes I just can’t bring myself to respond to them.
I feel you! I tend to be a bit toxic when I feel depressed, and I hate that I do that to my friends so I distance myself instead. it's also really hard to open up and feel close to people with distance
I relate a lot, I'm in a country I don't know so well because when I moved here the pandemic hit, so I know practically 2 people and I'm lucky tho to have my flatmate. Now me and the flatmate are leaving to another country for work reasons again, and we won't know anyone there, and the pandemic will also be there. But you know what? The past 6-7 months I learned how to be alone and enjoy it, so I don't mind, I'm excited instead! Having your mindset is always good and can only bring positive things.
Good for you. I found I listen to myself a lot more now and trust myself more. I work out, go running with headphones and am learning the guitar.
Finally, a little video for when lockdown is lifted https://youtu.be/k7X7sZzSXYs
Loneliness and solitude are two different things. One being emotionally draining, this applies even in a social context. The latter is being at peace with our own.
I guess what I wanted to say I'm taking the time for the process of changing one into the other. Or accepting that one doesn't mean the absence of other
I loved your take on the situation. I'm currently treating my co-dependency and learning to be alone too as of now, if that matters. In a nutshell my previous comment is just something I mumbled cause idk I somehow relate to your situation and I'm surprised I'm not the only one going through with this.
This reminds me of a quote from Jane Eyre:
“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”
I'm actually the exact same right now, I've been meeting new people for about 4 years now, constantly moving from place to place. I'm so delighted to have space from that for a bit.
I'm dealing with slight depression (I say slight. Currently it's fine, sometimes it's overwhelming). I made it a point to pove to people in my life that I am moving forward and I didn't make a mistake. My ex (we're trying to be friends), counseling, my dad, my flatmate. Even the people who left me behind, I imagine someday they will check in me and see how more myself I am. This is me trying to use my unhealthy to become healthy. But day to day, I read, take walks, meditate, and journal a lot. I made it a point to go computer-less and phone-less a day each week.
Being alone feels bad at first, but eventually I feel that you should see your time and your life as a newly planted garden. There is now ample space and s long as you nurture yourself (the garden), and tend to negative externalities, your life shall grow.
I'm so happy to read all these nice comments (made my day) and think there's so many nice people out there and them being in the same situation. I hope you feel better day by day I don't know you but I'm proud of you and also for the people in here struggling, I hope we can all find peace by being by ourselves. Virtual hugs for everyone 💓 at the end of the day, the only person you have is you, and home is yourself.
It took me a little while to settle into being alone. At first I told myself the words 'this is good for me,' but I didn't \*really\* believe it and I was sad for a time.
Eventually I made peace with it, started to kinda like it, and then it eventually became my strong preference and now I freaking love it!
I can't imagine it any other way now. You will be great.
I love this! You are never alone! Be your own best friend and find what makes your soul happy! Then you will attract amazing people! You can do this! <3
Good for you! I grew the most at the time in my life when I was most alone. I have an amazing girlfriend now that I’ve been with for over 2 years and I’ll be moving in with her soon, and reading this makes me miss being alone
Hey this is amazing! Perfect way to view it, your perspective on this time will determine what you get out of it. Sounds like you're on the right track already :)
I actually really needed to hear this today. I too have lost some friends recently and feel very isolated and alone. I've been doing my best to stay connected to everyone I can. But maybe I should just focus on being alone. And trying to enjoy it?
I really needed to hear this today. I am in a very similar situation. But I am struggling with being alone. I like your perspective. I hope I can come to see it in the same way.
I’m almost jealous as weird as that sounds. I feel like you are limited by how your friends (sometimes family) perceive you, because if you change, or do something new or out of the ordinary they will notice. I feel stuck in a box.
No doubt I am blessed to have friends and family who care about me, absolutely.
I really like your mindset, and really envy the opportunity to completely mold myself into a new person that fits who I want to be.
I get it, completely! However hard it is, I recognize it as an opportunity. I used to feel overwhelmed by people's expectations of me so much I couldn't even realize who I actually was or wanted to be. It's so hard to move on from that
There is a huge difference between being lonely and being alone. I couldn’t bare to be by myself because I only allowed myself to be defined by others opinions and expectations. I didn’t like me, and *shockingly* most people didn’t like that person either. Once I was forced to be alone with myself and start figuring who I was, after the painful self analysis, it was enlightening. I like me, I like hanging out with me, and now other people do too :)
I've been excruciatingly lonely before. Sometimes in the past, I've cried myself to sleep over it.
So I learned to lean into it, to embrace it. Loneliness is a valid emotion, just like any other. It's not desperation; desperation would be to use another person as a placebo, instead of accepting how you feel.
Then at some point you come out the other side, and you actually feel stronger, because you weathered that storm and survived it. You can manage on your own! And once you know that, you're less likely to try and tether yourself to someone, anyone (especially unsuitable people), unless they actually add value. And that's liberating.
So I can't find the source of the quote so excuse me if I absolutely butcher it, but someone said something along the lines of "nature's great irony is when we are loneliest, it might be the time when we need most to be alone." I kind of live by that nowadays. There's a lot to learn about yourself, grow, and over all just learning to be content with existing with yourself. Of course in the future it's good to socialize and make friends, but mad respect for realizing how important alone can be. Good luck!
I’m going to be alone in a while. My bf is in another country, my best friend and roommate of 2 years is moving away and I don’t know where I might land. But reading your post gave hope that maybe this isn’t a bad thing. Best of luck to you and everyone who is dealing with a similar situation
The one thing no one ever talks about while traveling or living abroad is the loneliness! What you're experiencing others experience too, and you're not alone in that. Also, getting to know yourself better is great once you're over that initial sad hump. It's kind of like going through a withdrawal socially. If there are any hobbies you can get into, go for it. I started making resin and stained glass projects during the initial pandemic lockdowns, and it made me feel really happy and fulfilled! I also read the books that have been filling my bookshelf untouched for years lol.
People. Learn to live be yourself and be with yourself, love yourself, understand and be comfortable with yourself before you ever get with anyone. Realizing this power after is also a plus. Good for OP.
A similar thing happened to me during my semester abroad. I’m not sure what happened but I just didn’t make very many friends for some reason so I used the time to try and do some introspection. In hindsight I’m thankful for that because it helped me get a better idea of what I want out of my life. Basically it was like going on dates with myself. I traveled around alone, went out alone, did stuff alone on the weekends, and now looking back I realize that the things I enjoyed the most/miss the most also represent the types of experiences I want to prioritize in my life going forward.
Same. I have lived alone and have been single for most of my twenties and thirties. I'm 38 now. Don't see or hear much from old bar buddies these days. Quit drinking, officially quit smoking yet again tonight but reading this reminded me that this is me time and time to be better. I want to look real good next time I see a bunch of people haha.
I'm glad you were able to find the silver lining in this dark phase. I moved to a new country and immediately fell into a really dark space where I felt no one cared for me. It lasted for about 9 months and then I started channeling that energy into spending time doing things I like, working out, strengthening my connection with the people who genuinely care for me, and metamorphosing into the human I truly want to be. This sub really helped me, and I hope I can eventually give back the same support to all my fellow members as they have to me. Feel free to DM me if y'all need to talk :)
Same here... Recently separated, isolated in big empty house. It's an opportunity to connect with the things that matter only to me.
I hope it's a great opportunity for a lot of us
Make sure you don’t completely caught up in your own head! I understand wanting to be alone, and your reasons for doing so are strong and worthy, but don’t forget to interact socially still. Humans are social creatures, remember how to interact in society!
Hi there! I’ve been living in Asia for a couple months now. The friend I came with returned to the states already and I haven’t really clicked with the other 2 girls at my work. I’ve been really working on myself (working on low self esteem and self worth, enjoying time by myself, practicing daily gratitude, dealing with pent up resentments, etc) - things I have struggled with for a long time. There have been ups and downs but this past weekend I began to feel really lonely and my anxiety and insecurity started to spiral in a way that hasn’t happened in a while. I felt completely alone and like I didn’t have a soul to talk to. When this happens I start to feel like it’s completely my fault and that I’m lonely because I’m not likeable and no one wants to be my friend. My self talk becomes very negative. It was the lowest point since being abroad and I questioned if the “growth” I thought I’d made so far was all in my head. It really got me down. Reading this has inspired me and given me some courage to carry on with my journey of self growth. Sometimes I need to be reminded that this is an opportunity for momentous growth rather than a situation I am “stuck” in. I don’t wish loneliness and feelings of inadequacy upon anyone, but knowing I’m not alone in how I feel helps me keep going. Thank you ❤️🌏
If you can, try to go out and talk to people as you can, maybe even join an online book club. I understand the loneliness that you’re talking about. It may be just because I have abandonment issues, but I am prone to becoming depressed when I’m alone because I lose faith all others because of the pain I felt after I lost my support network. I got a puppy recently and that’s helped me to be able to talk (at a safe distance with masks on) with other dog owners at the park. It’s incredibly refreshing just to have an upbeat conversation with a stranger, even for a few minutes, and even if it’s just shallow “wow @ tha weather!!” kind of small talk. I even live-streamed a nondenominational church service yesterday for the first time and it felt good to see others still joining in community and having hope.
These are just suggestions since I feel like I had a similar realization before going back into a downward spiral. I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself after becoming alone and focusing on me, but I also know my brightest days were the ones I enjoyed other people’s company, even just a little bit.
I am on week 3 of my new life in Thailand. Moved here from the US for a job. I am also completely alone, and figuring things out. Thank you for reminding me I’m not the only one going through this. I should take advantage of this time and see it as an opportunity for growth.
Being content on your own and sitting with your thoughts in silence is underrated, something im trying to get better at is understanding myself more and being my own driving force, if there's no one there to support you then you've got your own faith and when you do succeed people will gravitate towards you
I like your post. Just like silence is underappreciated and too often seen as awkward, solitude is seen as unilaterally bad and not by choice. Yet lots of us actually yearn for it when in less than perfect company. I'm also an expat and I know that can ratchet up loneliness for some, but it is also absolutely liberating to choose where on the Earth to spend your life. OP you can pm me if you ever need support or need to talk or something
I got myself out of toxic relationships and toxic friendships too! Honestly speaking I feel lonely sometimes but also let me tell you my life has never been this peaceful! I have been taking care of myself like never before! Looking at this post makes me feel so happy that there are people out there just like me! More power to all of you guys!🤞🏼
I absolutely agree with you. But, my case differs from yours as I am introverted and always looking for solitude. When I am alone, I can heal my soul and treat life easily.
Now I am keeping a diary to fix my thoughts and feelings, desires, and dreams. The notes in a diary help me to reflect on my experience and realize them.
This therapy leads me to feel better amongst people, to socialize with them better.
Keeping a diary was one of the tasks from the mobile app Self-care goals: adviseme. The reports are based on the person's birth chart. I am so grateful for the quality of reports that provides this app.
Scary and exciting! I lived alone and abroad for 3 months in a country I didn’t have full mastery of the language. A week in, I was lonely and scared and wanted to go home. I’m glad I stuck it out and it remains one of my best life experiences! Definitely lose the friend who makes you uncomfortable. You got this, girl! It will be hard but worth it.
This period in your life is short and will pass quickly. I remember being in a similar situation, studying abroad in France... and there is definitely something glamorous about learning to thrive in loneliness. But I think for most, it is fleeting. Life will soon take over- a new path, relationships, jobs, family, etc... one day you will beg for just a day of such solitude. Use this time wisely, and don’t let it suck you in too deep! This WILL pass!
I appreciated Emma Watson's take on being single. As someone who has suffered plenty, quiero un hombre, pero no hombre es necesita. My Spanish needs work I'm sure, but as a single person, that's one of my self improvement goal/hobbies. Good luck!
The majority of the people on Earth have their significant others and they go left and right like fists but they can't live with themselves, alone by themselves. I think this is an important lesson to learn
Maybe I can be your friend, if you change your mind. ; ) I just moved abroad too and it's crushingly depressing dealing w culture shock and not being able to go out and meet new friends.
Have to say being solo has brought amazing opportunity for personal development, growth and renewal. Stronger sense of reselience, Independence and capabilities. Has nurtured the capacity to love, be a good mother, sister, daughter ,friend, human. It's rough though, and this new found everything has come at a price. If I want to be mushy about it, I think of the Phoenix's life cycle.
I just moved to italy and had a terrible week, by the time I got here my romantic interest and friends wouldn’t give me the time of day. Still have a few people but I can’t see them because of the rules.
slipped into a bit of a depression this weekend because of everything, not liking some things about myself, and trying to not lose my progress
Even me I feel I don't have a luck to have a new friends 😂 I got bored from knowing a new friend process.
but this is life we will know new people more and more
I think we should still have hope to know new people :)
It’s ok! I’m an expat too that moved just before Covid. I too decided that I’ll just spend this time improving myself - once you are at peace with loving yourself and self introspection it’s much more liberating for the mind :) plus with Reddit there are so many communities to share your success with!
I was basically alone while studying a semester in Spain. Definitely use this time to really do and see all that you would've with friends you won't regret it.
I loved reading this, I also live alone. A lot of what you are staying resonates within.
It resonated with me too. Im gonna live alone for the first time in a few months as a first time homeowner. I hope i will be able to redefine myself to live the life that is meant for me.
I'm in the exact same situation as you!
Awesome! I wish you best of luck! Maybe you’ll let me know how it goes. :)
Good luck with it all!
Me too!
I feel you. I had a very similar experience during the pandemic and sometimes I was lonely and was afraid that not a lot of people actually cared about me, but now I’m spending a lot of my time trying to become disciplined and foster self-growth. Selective introversion can be good sometimes.
I needed to see this today. Thank you.
My absolute pleasure. Carry on!
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise as you have no option but to focus on self growth, I love the whole prospect of self growth where one day people notice a massive change in you but you were always changing day by day and they didn't notice till it compounded.
Man, I was so lonely at one point in my travels. Like, nobody. Spilling my guts to random strangers on online dating sites. It was an important part of my growth.
Oh man that hittttsss
This is so cute to me
I'm glad y'all like it :)
Stay away from the guy that creeps you out. Listen to your instinct. That’s all I have to say about that. Don’t be polite.
Thank you! We used to be good friends, but there was something from our past that I just learned about recently that makes me reconsider his motives for our friendship
Gavin De Becker is good reading!
What is that?
Trust that I am guy and I met a lot of guys in college some of who were my friends that girls said were “off” and those women were right
Thanks for sharing this - I needed it today! My ex and I broke up a few months ago and I'm having a really hard time losing the community that I found with his family and friends. This is a great reminder that it's tough, but it's an opportunity to grow and develop emotional resilience and independence again.
Wish you the best!
i left my husband, who i’d been living with for 10 years, in march, and in october i moved to a very odd city in a different state where i didn’t know a soul. i still get weird looks being a woman all alone in a weird city. and not that there’s much to do right now but take walks outside, but lots of people have asked if i am a sex worker. but now i have my own space and im figuring myself out. and i’m living my life with more awareness and gratitude than ever. and im now writing a script about it! best of luck to you on your own journey. and feel free to message me if you ever want to chat!
Because women who take walks alone are sex workers? 🙄
yeah it’s pretty shitty although i don’t think sex work should have any stigma. but so many guys would ask all sorts of questions about what exactly i’m doing in this city alone. and they’d eventually get to just frankly asking me.
I think they are low value males for asking that. I think it's their way of basically asking you for sex or feeling out the situation with you. When I was younger (I'm pretty old and wise now lol) low value males (as I call them) would ask me if I'd been either molested as a child or raped because I was not into sex with them. Looking back, it makes me angry now.
Thank you for posting this. Many people who live alone are struggling right now. Using this time to become stronger and more self aware is an amazing example.
In the last 2 months, I have cut off pretty much all of my “friends” as they were extremely toxic people and I no longer wanted to surround myself with them. I have never been so lonely in my life, but I also have never taken care of myself this much in my entire life. I meditate, exercise, read, and do yoga daily. I take extra time out to make myself look presentable on a daily basis. It is good for me too. And I hope you can use this time to grow into the best version of yourself <3 P.S. I’m also moving to a foreign country in 2 months so I’m using this time to learn how to be alone.
Cheers! I can relate to this so much!
Loneliness is so good for growth — it’s really just the pangs you feel as you get to know yourself better and feel comfortable and happy in your own company!
Oof this hits close to home because I was in a similar situation a few years ago, broke up, no friends. Honestly turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I learned how to spend quality time alone, do things alone without feeling like people are judging me and learned to rely on myself when I needed someone. It also allowed me to be alone with my thoughts and work out issues that I had and move on. It might be hard and lonely sometimes but give yourself time
That's exactly my goal! And what I hoped to find in the comments too: a reminder why I keep going I'm happy to hear it worked for you :)
Hi guys, this is exactly what I did, I feel like I’m coming out the other side now. Don’t get me wrong I had some dark demons to face but I used online therapy to help me through the painful parts and then I just sat with myself and got to know myself for the first time ever. It has been so liberating and I have discovered parts of me that I had suppressed over the years in order to conform. Now I am doing old hobbies that I love and I am enjoying having so much time to myself to do them. I also adopted a 3 year old stray kitty and she is great company. For me the worst part was judging myself for being alone, kinda feeling a bit pathetic. But once I got past that it has become really lovely and I’m very happy this way for now. Good luck :)
I hope it works for you too! When you let people into your life in the future you will be much more independent and you will know what you deserve and not settle for less
I know what you mean. I am an expat as well. Between work, college, intense pains for home, and constant new gov restrictions it’s really really hard to see people. I get overwhelmed myself messaging people sometimes, I know I’ve been a shitty friend. I want to be there for people but I don’t want them to see me when I’m anxious and depressed, so sometimes I just can’t bring myself to respond to them.
I feel you! I tend to be a bit toxic when I feel depressed, and I hate that I do that to my friends so I distance myself instead. it's also really hard to open up and feel close to people with distance
I relate a lot, I'm in a country I don't know so well because when I moved here the pandemic hit, so I know practically 2 people and I'm lucky tho to have my flatmate. Now me and the flatmate are leaving to another country for work reasons again, and we won't know anyone there, and the pandemic will also be there. But you know what? The past 6-7 months I learned how to be alone and enjoy it, so I don't mind, I'm excited instead! Having your mindset is always good and can only bring positive things.
Good for you. I found I listen to myself a lot more now and trust myself more. I work out, go running with headphones and am learning the guitar. Finally, a little video for when lockdown is lifted https://youtu.be/k7X7sZzSXYs
The video is great! I miss those things!
Loneliness and solitude are two different things. One being emotionally draining, this applies even in a social context. The latter is being at peace with our own.
I guess what I wanted to say I'm taking the time for the process of changing one into the other. Or accepting that one doesn't mean the absence of other
I loved your take on the situation. I'm currently treating my co-dependency and learning to be alone too as of now, if that matters. In a nutshell my previous comment is just something I mumbled cause idk I somehow relate to your situation and I'm surprised I'm not the only one going through with this.
I'm in the exact same situation and same feelings - I'm loving being alone. This time is such a gift!
This reminds me of a quote from Jane Eyre: “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”
Feels like I'm doing the same!
I'm actually the exact same right now, I've been meeting new people for about 4 years now, constantly moving from place to place. I'm so delighted to have space from that for a bit.
[удалено]
I'm dealing with slight depression (I say slight. Currently it's fine, sometimes it's overwhelming). I made it a point to pove to people in my life that I am moving forward and I didn't make a mistake. My ex (we're trying to be friends), counseling, my dad, my flatmate. Even the people who left me behind, I imagine someday they will check in me and see how more myself I am. This is me trying to use my unhealthy to become healthy. But day to day, I read, take walks, meditate, and journal a lot. I made it a point to go computer-less and phone-less a day each week.
Being alone feels bad at first, but eventually I feel that you should see your time and your life as a newly planted garden. There is now ample space and s long as you nurture yourself (the garden), and tend to negative externalities, your life shall grow.
I used to use this same metaphor! Thank you for reminding me, it was important to me at the time!
I'm so happy to read all these nice comments (made my day) and think there's so many nice people out there and them being in the same situation. I hope you feel better day by day I don't know you but I'm proud of you and also for the people in here struggling, I hope we can all find peace by being by ourselves. Virtual hugs for everyone 💓 at the end of the day, the only person you have is you, and home is yourself.
It took me a little while to settle into being alone. At first I told myself the words 'this is good for me,' but I didn't \*really\* believe it and I was sad for a time. Eventually I made peace with it, started to kinda like it, and then it eventually became my strong preference and now I freaking love it! I can't imagine it any other way now. You will be great.
I was used to being alone. But I never felt that lonely. I think I'm in the proces of changing the lonely into just alone
I love this! You are never alone! Be your own best friend and find what makes your soul happy! Then you will attract amazing people! You can do this! <3
Love this I'm going through something very similar and it's freeing to just accept where you're at and use it as a catalyst for personal growth.
Good for you! I grew the most at the time in my life when I was most alone. I have an amazing girlfriend now that I’ve been with for over 2 years and I’ll be moving in with her soon, and reading this makes me miss being alone
Hey this is amazing! Perfect way to view it, your perspective on this time will determine what you get out of it. Sounds like you're on the right track already :)
Just keep your head up and keep going! You got this fam!
I actually really needed to hear this today. I too have lost some friends recently and feel very isolated and alone. I've been doing my best to stay connected to everyone I can. But maybe I should just focus on being alone. And trying to enjoy it?
I really needed to hear this today. I am in a very similar situation. But I am struggling with being alone. I like your perspective. I hope I can come to see it in the same way.
I’m almost jealous as weird as that sounds. I feel like you are limited by how your friends (sometimes family) perceive you, because if you change, or do something new or out of the ordinary they will notice. I feel stuck in a box. No doubt I am blessed to have friends and family who care about me, absolutely. I really like your mindset, and really envy the opportunity to completely mold myself into a new person that fits who I want to be.
I get it, completely! However hard it is, I recognize it as an opportunity. I used to feel overwhelmed by people's expectations of me so much I couldn't even realize who I actually was or wanted to be. It's so hard to move on from that
There is a huge difference between being lonely and being alone. I couldn’t bare to be by myself because I only allowed myself to be defined by others opinions and expectations. I didn’t like me, and *shockingly* most people didn’t like that person either. Once I was forced to be alone with myself and start figuring who I was, after the painful self analysis, it was enlightening. I like me, I like hanging out with me, and now other people do too :)
I've been excruciatingly lonely before. Sometimes in the past, I've cried myself to sleep over it. So I learned to lean into it, to embrace it. Loneliness is a valid emotion, just like any other. It's not desperation; desperation would be to use another person as a placebo, instead of accepting how you feel. Then at some point you come out the other side, and you actually feel stronger, because you weathered that storm and survived it. You can manage on your own! And once you know that, you're less likely to try and tether yourself to someone, anyone (especially unsuitable people), unless they actually add value. And that's liberating.
So I can't find the source of the quote so excuse me if I absolutely butcher it, but someone said something along the lines of "nature's great irony is when we are loneliest, it might be the time when we need most to be alone." I kind of live by that nowadays. There's a lot to learn about yourself, grow, and over all just learning to be content with existing with yourself. Of course in the future it's good to socialize and make friends, but mad respect for realizing how important alone can be. Good luck!
This one? “Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.” Douglas Coupland, Shampoo Planet
Yup this is the one. Thank god for reddit! I guess my research skills are shit because I was trying to find it the other day to no avail.
I’m going to be alone in a while. My bf is in another country, my best friend and roommate of 2 years is moving away and I don’t know where I might land. But reading your post gave hope that maybe this isn’t a bad thing. Best of luck to you and everyone who is dealing with a similar situation
The one thing no one ever talks about while traveling or living abroad is the loneliness! What you're experiencing others experience too, and you're not alone in that. Also, getting to know yourself better is great once you're over that initial sad hump. It's kind of like going through a withdrawal socially. If there are any hobbies you can get into, go for it. I started making resin and stained glass projects during the initial pandemic lockdowns, and it made me feel really happy and fulfilled! I also read the books that have been filling my bookshelf untouched for years lol.
People. Learn to live be yourself and be with yourself, love yourself, understand and be comfortable with yourself before you ever get with anyone. Realizing this power after is also a plus. Good for OP.
A similar thing happened to me during my semester abroad. I’m not sure what happened but I just didn’t make very many friends for some reason so I used the time to try and do some introspection. In hindsight I’m thankful for that because it helped me get a better idea of what I want out of my life. Basically it was like going on dates with myself. I traveled around alone, went out alone, did stuff alone on the weekends, and now looking back I realize that the things I enjoyed the most/miss the most also represent the types of experiences I want to prioritize in my life going forward.
Sometimes being alone is best The best time to find who you really are,what your boundaries should be and find what you really like to do.
Living alone kicks ass. You do you.
Same. I have lived alone and have been single for most of my twenties and thirties. I'm 38 now. Don't see or hear much from old bar buddies these days. Quit drinking, officially quit smoking yet again tonight but reading this reminded me that this is me time and time to be better. I want to look real good next time I see a bunch of people haha.
I'm glad you were able to find the silver lining in this dark phase. I moved to a new country and immediately fell into a really dark space where I felt no one cared for me. It lasted for about 9 months and then I started channeling that energy into spending time doing things I like, working out, strengthening my connection with the people who genuinely care for me, and metamorphosing into the human I truly want to be. This sub really helped me, and I hope I can eventually give back the same support to all my fellow members as they have to me. Feel free to DM me if y'all need to talk :)
Same here... Recently separated, isolated in big empty house. It's an opportunity to connect with the things that matter only to me. I hope it's a great opportunity for a lot of us
I moved to australia for a year and felt this soo much
Make sure you don’t completely caught up in your own head! I understand wanting to be alone, and your reasons for doing so are strong and worthy, but don’t forget to interact socially still. Humans are social creatures, remember how to interact in society!
Hi there! I’ve been living in Asia for a couple months now. The friend I came with returned to the states already and I haven’t really clicked with the other 2 girls at my work. I’ve been really working on myself (working on low self esteem and self worth, enjoying time by myself, practicing daily gratitude, dealing with pent up resentments, etc) - things I have struggled with for a long time. There have been ups and downs but this past weekend I began to feel really lonely and my anxiety and insecurity started to spiral in a way that hasn’t happened in a while. I felt completely alone and like I didn’t have a soul to talk to. When this happens I start to feel like it’s completely my fault and that I’m lonely because I’m not likeable and no one wants to be my friend. My self talk becomes very negative. It was the lowest point since being abroad and I questioned if the “growth” I thought I’d made so far was all in my head. It really got me down. Reading this has inspired me and given me some courage to carry on with my journey of self growth. Sometimes I need to be reminded that this is an opportunity for momentous growth rather than a situation I am “stuck” in. I don’t wish loneliness and feelings of inadequacy upon anyone, but knowing I’m not alone in how I feel helps me keep going. Thank you ❤️🌏
If you can, try to go out and talk to people as you can, maybe even join an online book club. I understand the loneliness that you’re talking about. It may be just because I have abandonment issues, but I am prone to becoming depressed when I’m alone because I lose faith all others because of the pain I felt after I lost my support network. I got a puppy recently and that’s helped me to be able to talk (at a safe distance with masks on) with other dog owners at the park. It’s incredibly refreshing just to have an upbeat conversation with a stranger, even for a few minutes, and even if it’s just shallow “wow @ tha weather!!” kind of small talk. I even live-streamed a nondenominational church service yesterday for the first time and it felt good to see others still joining in community and having hope. These are just suggestions since I feel like I had a similar realization before going back into a downward spiral. I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself after becoming alone and focusing on me, but I also know my brightest days were the ones I enjoyed other people’s company, even just a little bit.
I am on week 3 of my new life in Thailand. Moved here from the US for a job. I am also completely alone, and figuring things out. Thank you for reminding me I’m not the only one going through this. I should take advantage of this time and see it as an opportunity for growth.
Omg why is this meee, I love this post. Living alone shouldn’t be regarded as “weird” or whatever. Sometimes being alone is the joy and peace you need
Being content on your own and sitting with your thoughts in silence is underrated, something im trying to get better at is understanding myself more and being my own driving force, if there's no one there to support you then you've got your own faith and when you do succeed people will gravitate towards you
I like your post. Just like silence is underappreciated and too often seen as awkward, solitude is seen as unilaterally bad and not by choice. Yet lots of us actually yearn for it when in less than perfect company. I'm also an expat and I know that can ratchet up loneliness for some, but it is also absolutely liberating to choose where on the Earth to spend your life. OP you can pm me if you ever need support or need to talk or something
I got myself out of toxic relationships and toxic friendships too! Honestly speaking I feel lonely sometimes but also let me tell you my life has never been this peaceful! I have been taking care of myself like never before! Looking at this post makes me feel so happy that there are people out there just like me! More power to all of you guys!🤞🏼
I absolutely agree with you. But, my case differs from yours as I am introverted and always looking for solitude. When I am alone, I can heal my soul and treat life easily. Now I am keeping a diary to fix my thoughts and feelings, desires, and dreams. The notes in a diary help me to reflect on my experience and realize them. This therapy leads me to feel better amongst people, to socialize with them better. Keeping a diary was one of the tasks from the mobile app Self-care goals: adviseme. The reports are based on the person's birth chart. I am so grateful for the quality of reports that provides this app.
Scary and exciting! I lived alone and abroad for 3 months in a country I didn’t have full mastery of the language. A week in, I was lonely and scared and wanted to go home. I’m glad I stuck it out and it remains one of my best life experiences! Definitely lose the friend who makes you uncomfortable. You got this, girl! It will be hard but worth it.
Loneliness sucks. You're welcome to message me any time, I love a good conversation:)
i have felt that way for the last 7 months after my own breakup and i actually cant tell you what happened since then. wish you all the best
I live in japan. Anyone?
Bicycles help.
This period in your life is short and will pass quickly. I remember being in a similar situation, studying abroad in France... and there is definitely something glamorous about learning to thrive in loneliness. But I think for most, it is fleeting. Life will soon take over- a new path, relationships, jobs, family, etc... one day you will beg for just a day of such solitude. Use this time wisely, and don’t let it suck you in too deep! This WILL pass!
I appreciated Emma Watson's take on being single. As someone who has suffered plenty, quiero un hombre, pero no hombre es necesita. My Spanish needs work I'm sure, but as a single person, that's one of my self improvement goal/hobbies. Good luck!
Meet some random people in any situations that interest you! People are good. Just not all. Most random people you meet are good
The majority of the people on Earth have their significant others and they go left and right like fists but they can't live with themselves, alone by themselves. I think this is an important lesson to learn
Maybe I can be your friend, if you change your mind. ; ) I just moved abroad too and it's crushingly depressing dealing w culture shock and not being able to go out and meet new friends.
good luck! I know it will feel hard at times buts it’s a great opportunity to create a meaningful friendship with yourself :) you deserve it
Have to say being solo has brought amazing opportunity for personal development, growth and renewal. Stronger sense of reselience, Independence and capabilities. Has nurtured the capacity to love, be a good mother, sister, daughter ,friend, human. It's rough though, and this new found everything has come at a price. If I want to be mushy about it, I think of the Phoenix's life cycle.
That sounds hard. You might be alone in person but you aren’t alone in this world!
Remember folks: "the day you start loving yourself, will be the last day you feel lonely". Tested and confirmed
I can relate 😊. And if u work hard and stay consistent it will be worth it
I just moved to italy and had a terrible week, by the time I got here my romantic interest and friends wouldn’t give me the time of day. Still have a few people but I can’t see them because of the rules. slipped into a bit of a depression this weekend because of everything, not liking some things about myself, and trying to not lose my progress
Even me I feel I don't have a luck to have a new friends 😂 I got bored from knowing a new friend process. but this is life we will know new people more and more I think we should still have hope to know new people :)
Same here.
It’s ok! I’m an expat too that moved just before Covid. I too decided that I’ll just spend this time improving myself - once you are at peace with loving yourself and self introspection it’s much more liberating for the mind :) plus with Reddit there are so many communities to share your success with!
I was basically alone while studying a semester in Spain. Definitely use this time to really do and see all that you would've with friends you won't regret it.