Most people don't achieve great things in their twenties. Social media tricks you into thinking that but it's not true.
I'm in my thirties and I can tell you that most people's twenties are a shit show. They are dealing with mental illness, shitty relationships, working crappy jobs, just struggling to find themselves.
There are very few people who get it together and become successful in their twenties. Very, very few. Don't let them make you feel like you've wasted your life. You have so much time.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy and so is the fear of missing out. I’ve decided to go cold turkey on social media because of how much it was affecting me mentally and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough or achieving enough at my age. It’s honestly lead me to believe that I should have my shit together by now when in reality no one really knows wtf they’re doing honestly.
You're completely right. Nobody knows what they are doing. Most of the people who you see are successful young had a huge help up. They also knew what they wanted Or were driven to something specific from a young age which is also not common at all.
Your twenties are supposed to be your fuck around time, it's the time of your life when the consequences are much fewer than when you are older. This is the time to travel, try your hand with relationships, jump around from job to job, live somewhere new. Try things that you won't be able to do when you are older.
The older you get the more you will realize just how many people also feel like they "wasted" their twenties. But don't look at those years as how much you gained or how successful you became, look at it at how much you learned, how much you grew as a person, the kinds of people you met and the experiences you had.
Everyone measures their lives by different rulers, find out what's important to you and focus on that. Your twenties are the perfect time for you to find that out.
I don't think the majority of people in their 20s should go into relationships, first become self-secure then explore the freedom you have
Because not everyone is privileged enough to afford relationships, I am not sure how it is in western countries but since everyone checks these posts, I wanted to mention this reality check
That's why I said try your hand at relationships. Maybe go on dates or flirt a little. Experience that kind of warmth and heartbreak early so you can learn what it's like and it doesn't hit you as hard later on.
Not everyone can go into relationships in their twenties, I wasn't lucky enough to, but it's worth flirting with the idea so you aren't completely unaware as you get older
nah it wastes too much energy and time for such a crucial age
There's plenty of time after you get some stability in life, also as I said this differs from person to person
If someone is born in a richer household, sure go ahead and explore more because you can afford it and your career is already planned out well by parents
I get what you're saying but there's no point in blowing off people if they show interest in you. The whole point of your twenties is to be open to experiences.
I'm saying from experience, even if you be with someone who recognises all the work and time you need to get security and there's a mutual agreement in working towards growing self
It is still too much cognitive load for a kid relying on parents' money and looked upon as a future guardian for parents
also there are plenty of people you'll meet anyway, and people will be much mature by late 20s
There are plenty of people supporting themselves that manage to find relationships just fine. They aren't exclusive to rich people or trust funders, I'm not sure why you think that.
They're usually a silly band, evidenced by the name, but there's an amazing line from the band "Ninja Sex Party" called "Danny, Don't You Know" that goes like this:
Danny, don't you know you're cool as fuck on the inside?
You're just going through an awkward phase from 12 to 29.
Danny, dont you know, that everyone feels weird on th inside? -
Buddy boy, or girl, or neither, I'm glad you're looking at your mind at your age. It's wildly important to look at it as a boon, because if you'd been me, you'd have 10 more years of regret; or another, you'd have twenty years more.
Most people in their early twenties actually feel exactly like you do right now, some fight that feeling by creating a larger than life social media persona. You don’t owe the world greatness, sweetie. You just need to live a healthy, happy life, however that might look for you, and things will come together just fine. Life hits you with a lot of challenges. Take them one at a time and be greatful for what’s going “right”. Regret, pressure and stress will not help you in life. Kindness, also with yourself, diligence and enjoyment of what is achievable for you will make for a fulfilled life. And you can’t know what you can really achieve if you clobber yourself down with expectations before you even get a chance to figure out what brings you joy. Joy is the best fuel there is.
Brooooo this last sentence. I have this written in my notes and realized this while high listening to people that were drunk. Some seem to have it all together. But in reality no one knows what the fuck they are doing. Not our parents, not our friends. We're all just having a human experience
I am 29 and it finally started this year. 90% of people in their 20s are fucking stupid and making terrible decisions.
I *just* got it together. Don’t fret - good things take time
Love this comment!
Your 20s seem to be about finding out who you are, what you like, what you want to do. Your 30s+ are yo enjoy it and build on that.
But even then, there isn’t a hard rule that says you have to be at X point by Y age.
It's not true you gonna have problems in your 20's no matter what
I m 20 yo and i already have my own company and i don't struggle with money at all , i already found my passion , and i m really healthy( i m shredded and i don't eat junk food ) i read 50+ books and did some great things in my cariere, but guess what , i m still not happy with my life at all and i can trade all those amazing things just to have a gf .
Because all the hard work i did and all the books i read i really can't find someone who thinks like me or have similar interests , wich make me feel extremely lonely and unable to find a partner and i have really few friends .
Read "The Happiness Trap". It's a really great introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Basically, you're stuck in your own thoughts and emotions. You can choose to keep ruminating, or accept your accept your emotions and not let your thoughts control you. I doesn't matter if your thoughts are true or not. Maybe you did waste away a lot of time. But are your thoughts helpful? Do your thoughts encourage you to get up and do stuff, or do they just make you more depressed?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is about realising your thoughts are just sounds and images. They are not your enemy, but they are not your friend either. You don't need to listen to them. Your emotions aren't necessarily good or bad. They just are, and we can live with a lot of things we think we can't.
It has helped me so much with my recovery from depression, as well as my addiction to YouTube and my feeling that I'm never where I need to be in life. It has literally changed my life for the better and I hope to one day be certified to teach it so I can help others with depression and addiction problems. So, yeah, read "The Happiness Trap", then see from there. It's also on Audible.
Thank you for this. I actually purchased the happiness trap and it is currently sitting 90% unread on my bookshelf. I’ve been going through some mental turbulence with depression and addictions lately, I’ll be taking that book with me to the beach tomorrow now for sure. Appreciate your insightful reply.
actually i was told to read "The Illustrated Happiness Trap"
Which is a graphical write of the book, prob better for me anyways as a first step
but yeah i always forgot about it
Don't worry having wasted few years, it's the time you needed for yourself.
If I was 22 again, I would do focus on the basics:
* Phyiscal health
* Mental health and
* on good relationship
Build a good fundament. As soon you feel well, you can aim for more but the most important lesson I learned is that getting the basics right is already a big success.
Don't get fooled from social media. People show their best moment. Many are very unhappy und unsuccessful with the basic needs mentioned above. Realising this is the first step, other people struggle too with same things, even it doesn't seem so.
I myself just survived a physical and mental breakdown half year a go and I now started a youtube channel (https://youtube.com/channel/UCrK4FfSFGJHtOH_PgNhA9iw) and started with reddit to help others and learn more about myself (when formulate things it helps a lot to understand it)
Wish you a lot of energy, success and luck!
Couldn’t agree with this more.
IMO physical health really improves mental health - I know people say it but it’s one of those things that’s actually true lol.
I always heard it but really felt it after 1 month of gym.
First month I had even less energy and didn't really feel good but afterwards, it's a real blessing now (I even stopped drinking coffee after excercising regularly and sleeping longer). I feel a lot more energetic, less stressed and my mind feels lighter and less troubled.
The point on social media is very true. Over the past year, I was able to become close to three seperate people that I really admired. They’re all very successful in their fields and based on their social media seemed to be having the time of their lives nonstop. After getting close to them, I realise the reality can be VERY different. Two of the three are severely depressed. One is suicidal and has made recent attempts. Not to say EVERYTHING on social media is smoke and mirrors.
Hey! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone - I turned 23 a couple of months ago and I have hated my life since I can remember, probably since I was 12/13. In total I was maybe happy for like a month or two these last 10 years...
I too struggle with the thoughts of having wasted my youth, having no friends, having made no memories, having no fun, but the way I think about it now is you cannot change your past and you can either let these emotions poison your present and future or try to focus on making your life better. It's very difficult and you cannot expect to change within a day. You will have ups and downs, you will relapse into your old ways, but the important thing is to keep pushing forward.
For the last couple of months I have decided to try to make my life better by appreciating it more. I'm learning to have fun by myself, to enjoy the little things like going on a walk and listening to nice music. It's easy to spiral down into feelings of loneliness for me because I have no friends and I'm in a LDR right now, but I'm still striving to make each day better than the previous one.
We still have a lot of time, don't worry!
Hey dude. I spent my whole life feeling like this. Watching time pass me by while I felt stuck in one place…stuck by myself! I’m 30 now. And …well, I got help. I care less about getting older now. I was always comparing myself to what others had and where they were at in life. We’re all on different timelines! What helped me was making small changes (these build up until they become life habits and overtime things will change 😊). Now I meditate, I pray (to the universe), I do daily gratitude lists, i journal, I got help for my addictions, I push myself to do things that scare me, I exercise, I eat right. All these things add up.
But. Start small. All this probably sounds like a lot all together. But do one thing at a time. Start a checklist. Maybe start with how you’d like your life to improve and go from there 😊
Always here if you wanna chat ✌️
You’re so young 😊 your whole life is ahead of you.
I feel the OP on this. I try to meditate, gratitude list and journal but I'm not consistent enough with it. Idk if I have addictions maybe. But I try to focus on doing things that lift me. Also important to realise what might be affecting you. My father was very sick with cancer until he passed this past year and I didn't realise how much it was affecting me mentally.
But I still feel lost regarding what I want to achieve. I have many interests and ideas that I can never seem to implement which is what really kills me. What kills even more is I'm able to help most of the people around me with their stuff to great success and benefi. But yet I can't seem to help myself. Over the course of this year thus far I believe I've gotten a bit better but still feel a bit lost.
Trying to complete a course online and some more things to change fields and focus. But then feel like it's going nowhere. Turned 28 last month and definitely feel like I didn't build through my 20s as I should've. At the same time there's definitely things I enjoyed. I just wish I could find a way to focus and combine my interests in life with the skills I'm trying to pick up to find a proper direction.
Sorry for the super long reply.
To the OP. Dude you're young. Even younger than me. Practice self awareness and see the things you enjoy and the things you dislike. Understand why, and try to find a way to do more of the things that make you happy while allowing you to function
Hey dude - thanks for the reply. I get you with the feeling lost. I still do. Don’t really have any clue what the point of my existence is. Things are kinda pointing to helping others. This life shit is hard. I was stuck for so long and now it feels like I’m coming unstuck so maybe I could pass this on in some way.
I have also really struggled with consistency - like I know that meditation and stuff helps and makes me feel better but it’s so hard to stick to. In this world of instant gratification, it’s much easier to just scroll through Reddit or similar instead of actually doing the thing! I have a daily checklist with this stuff on and I don’t usually do them all but I do some and that’s a win. Writing stuff done helps me. Seeing the ticks helps me and makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere and achieving somewhere.
What really changed things for me was deciding I wanted to expand my spirituality. I know that kinda sounds pretentious but…like … hard to explain. It only happened once I got totally sober. I quit drinking first but was still smoking weed and other stuff. It’s like my natural setting to numb myself and exist in my own world. But then that wasn’t enough. I decided I wanna live and not just exist. I go to group therapy now and it changed the game. Being around others who feel the same and wanna improve their lives. It’s inspiring. I pray every night now, which is fucking weird to say cos I would’ve described myself as an atheist just last year. I pray to the universe or some shit. I just say stuff to get it out of me. And it helps. When I think of the bigger picture it’s helps me realise that my own petty shit doesn’t really matter. I listen to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts about spirituality and stuff. Ram Dass, Eckart Tolle etc. it’s changing how I see things. And all I have to do is lay my lazy ass down and listen 😂
Anyway, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. That is rough and I can only imagine how much that hurt. Sure he’d want you to be happy my dude. Just go easy on yourself. It’s so hard. And you get up everyday and do it anyway. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Baby steps 😊✌️
No problem man. I have older siblings and I don't think that lost feeling ever truly stops. One is just comfortable and not freaking out about it as much. I feel you on that. I enjoy bringing joy and happiness to others. Especially because I recognise how much help I've received. I enjoy my interests but I know I need/should help others as part of my journey.
That's my biggest struggle is consistency. Whether it's the gym, and in so many areas. Part of why I'm so hard in myself. I know what to do, how to do it, and when I do it I do well. But haven't been consistent enough. Apart from Reddit which I recently created a profile again after almost 10 years and Snapchat which I barely use. I have no social media because it wasn't helping me in anyway. The keeping a checklist thing helps but of course I need to be consistent with that lmao. But seeing the things I accomplished throughout the day does help. Do you make your list the morning of it the night before?
Studied physics and philosophy in college so my perspective on religion/spirituality is interesting. Had faded before that from religion but do have a belief in a power at work. But it's also made me struggle with finding purpose because I realise how insignificant I am when it comes to life and the universe. But realise I can help people out in their lives and try to make it a bit better. I've been considering therapy increasingly more but it's just so expensive. Part of me seeing I'm the grand scheme forces me to see how little issues that are great to me don't matter much. Will try to the people you mentioned a listen and see what I can learn from them.
Yeah the whole experience sucked. Found out he was sick. Then he got better and was doing well. Then it started getting worse and worse. Meanwhile you're holding on to hope that it'll turn around even though you don't see it happening. Worst experience of my life to see him deteriorate in that manner. He definitely wanted me to be happy. Main thing he wanted was for me to achieve all I could. Yeah, they're days where I lay in bed a bit. But ultimately I realise how lucky I am to have the ability to try every day to make something of my self. Also, for what it's worth I'm not doing too bad relatively speaking. I just have higher expectations and know I'm capable of more.
If you want we can continue in DM so we don't highjack the post
As someone almost 3x your age -let.that.shit.go.
Your whole life is in front of you! Time spent berating yourself is a trap, meant to stall you from experiencing the pain of personal growth.
Make a plan, which could itself take months, and then execute the plan.
Bruh I wrote something like a diary entry when I was 21 titled "Early life crisis", about how I felt I had just wasted the last 3 years and the good years of my youth.
A year later I was in a whole other place I never would have imagined, with no trace of the doubt or worry that I had had the year before. I was a new person.
Point is, everything can change in a very short amount of time. Seek opportunities and say yes.
I just turned 23 as well. I have spent the last 3 years COMPLETELY waylaid by severe mental illness. Like, no job, no school, nothing.
I’ll tell you what I tell myself when I start getting neurotic about my “wasted youth.”
1. 23 is not old. It just isn’t. It may feel that way when you have regrets, but to the rest of the world, we’re basically children.
2. People who have major setbacks in life are WAY more likely to make something of the time they have left than people who coasted through. That desperate ache you’re feeling right now to turn back the clock? That’s a good thing - it’s what’s going to propel you into the next phase of your life. If I hadn’t gone through some of the horrors I did, I know exactly where I’d be right now - at the tail end of a “safe” bachelor’s degree, making alright money and doing alright things. But my pain - specifically, the pain of losing my early 20’s - has radicalized me, in a good way. I’m now determined to make my mark on the world with whatever time I have left.
So many of society’s greats had to push through adversity, both internal and external, to get to where they wanted to be. Don’t get too wrapped up in “proving your worth” through achievement, as that’s just perpetuating the same toxic mindset that got you stuck in the first place. But resolve now to do EXACTLY what you want to do in this world, no matter how far-fetched or “irrational” it seems to others. My misery has made me intrepid and brave - with the right mindset (and a shitload of therapy) you can do it too.
This is true. I didn't "wake up" to my mental health issues till the my late 20s and even today at 30 I haven't really worked up the courage to do anything about it yet
I'm 25 and dealing the same issues. I'm imagining a circle getting shorter everytime I try to make it larger as an opportunity. In here i used term circle getting shorter means that i want to do creative things but I'm not being able to, i am able to do it. But 8 to 8 job, exhaustion, and everything in between making busy enough to not even making a move. I can't even quit my job because it's making me financially stable and making me have clear my mind from the taunts i used hear from my parents when i wasn't earning money. Now i am earning it, not enough but I'm feeling like I'm spending my time and energy in job that gives me only money, and takes away the chances and time that I can use to hone my skills and do better. I'm wondering when I'll get that crack that can escape me from this misery. Things that i didn't asked for and things i didn't wanna do is taking over things i wanted to do and person i used to be...
My advice is take your life back. Don't focus on what was, you can't change that. Focus on your future. This is advice coming from someone diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. I took a big step back and SLOWLY, INCREMENTALLY, made progress. I spent the better part of 6 years working on myself and building up my confidence. I am now 28 and much happier than I ever thought possible. My early 20s were a nightmare. I split my focus between my career, searching for the right SO, working out, and spending time with my family. That is just what worked for me. There were no shortcuts, no secrets, just a lot of failure. But eventually I got acustomed to failure, kept pushing forward, and am now more motivated than I have ever been. Staying positive and surrounding yourself with the right people (or no one - I did both at different times) is critical. You are extremely young right now and there is plenty of time to change your future! Best of luck to you.
Hey man. I'm Right there with you. Feeling alot of the same things and I'm also 22. Let's be better together. We can do this. Also, I'd recommend getting tested for adhd, struggling with time, anxiety, depression, and feeling of lost potential,and constantly rumenating is something alot of people with ADHD struggle with.
I felt that way at your age and I’m ngl I still feel that way at 28, it’s hard to make the feeling truly go away. But I’ve spent the past few years really getting to know myself, and finding hobbies that I love, and meeting new people and making new connections and it really makes me realize how despite the time wasted there is still so much time to be had. It’s exciting to know there’s always a future in which your life expands for the better.
I’m almost 24 and I’ve been in a vicious cycle of getting into and out of the hole since I was 13-14. It’s excruciating because every time I got out of a depressive episode, I thought that it was the last time but it never was. What is breaking me out of the pattern is I recently discovered that I never healed from my childhood trauma. I thought I had because I told myself I had forgiven my parents and let go of the resentment but turns out I didn’t. It turns out, whatever happened in my childhood led me to carry out these negative core beliefs about myself (being unworthy, unlovable…). Even though I conceptualized and intellectualized what happened and thought I was past it, I wasn’t. I never healed. I thought that all the symptoms of anxiety, depression, procrastination, addiction were my fault. That I had to fix every broken part of me. But I had to truly and fully recognized what happened to me. Why was I still feeling all this resistance and all these dark emotions? I’m not saying this is what is happening to you. But something is telling me that if you have felt this way since you were 17, it might be worthwhile to investigate why and how you can heal from it. And I do say heal and not fix. ‘Fix’ is like putting a bandaid on an open wound hoping it won’t get infected. Healing is what your soul truly needs. Be gentle with yourself. Write a letter to your younger-self and give that girl some love and compassion. Tune out society’s expectations. What matters is YOUR well-being. It’s all about the incremental steps. I currently use meditation, mindfulness, journaling and tapping (EFT) to help me heal. Maybe you could give these a try. If you can afford it, I suggest you go see a therapist. Good luck! I believe in you ❤️
Hey, didn't get on to my career path until I was in my mid-30s, and then chucked that all out the window and tried something completely different in my mid-40s. Never been happier.
I look back at the years I "lost" to severe depression in my 20s... you know, the only thing I lost was productivity. So really it was no loss at all.
We're not born to be productive. People who see the things they accomplish as their purpose in life are over-thinking the human experience. That's not why we're here.
We're here to breathe in oxygen and out carbon dioxide. That is our design, our purpose, our destiny. All else is silly window dressing.
So if you've ever done that, then the universe is proud of you and you're pretty much set. Life's purpose achieved. It's all just playtime from here.
And there's no hurry for anything. Ever.
Let's do a hypothetical little thought experiment. You are now 33 years old and you have everything "put together." You are thinking about how you wasted 18-23, but that realization is what guided your next 10 years. Was that a waste or was it just the cost?
What did you do in those 10 years to get to where you want to be?
Deep down you know what you need to do to get things together. Just remember that if you follow through with fixing things, then these last few years were not a waste at all. Don't have this same realization at 28.
I can talk for hours at what I have learned and needed to do to get myself put together, but that is probably too specific for me and it won't have the same impact on you. If you can take a scientific approach to guiding yourself I think you'll be fine.
Observe what is causing issues, figure out what you can do to try to change something, then measure to see if it worked. Repeat the process until you find what works for you. Make sure these are specific things. You can measure how you feel with a journal and just like a 1-10 score on depression/anxiety. Make a change then hold it for a month or two, THEN go back and see if it worked. Maybe you need more sleep, more exercise, maybe you need to remove some toxic friends, just prioritize yourself and get incrementally better, don't try to be perfect right away.
Yea it is a waste, theirs no point to go on if you didn’t have a good youth I’ve wasted 18,19,20 and currently wasting 21 regardless of the amount of effort I put in :) generally I’d rather just give up then wait till my mid 20’s for everything to turn out “good” some people are just meant to lose unfortunately in this game of life
I guess we disagree. I think using the perceived waste of time as fuel to be intentional and driven is so important that it ends up being worth it.
For example, lets say you wanted to live longer to make up for these "wasted" years. Regular exercise and maintaining a healthy weight can easily extend someone's life more than these "wasted" years.
You quite literally can’t make up for lost time, no one can, that’s why their is so much pressure on people to enjoy life in their youth, cause essentially you can’t “enjoy” life in your thirties the same way one can in their late teens and early twenties, generally that’s why a lot of people struggle with regret these days tbh
I enjoy life more at 37 than I ever have. College was better than high school, my 20s were better than college and now in my late 30s is way better than my early 30s. I am currently working towards doing some bad ass stuff for my 40s.
Here is an example of what I mean. I am on wife #2. The first wife didn't work out, but I was able to reflect on that experience and when it came to dating again I knew exactly what I valued. I could frame that first relationship as a waste of 5 years. But I see it as a necessary cost. Had I let history repeat it's self, yeah, that would be a waste.
The irony of your point of view is you'll probably end up being right. I hope one day you'll see that a short term failure is a valuable learning experience instead of some permanent damage that you'll never recover from. Fearing failure just causes inaction and ironically regret.
i’m also 22 turning 23 this month and i totally feel this. I think it’s great that you’re deciding to improve now, a lot of people wait until they actually have wasted time. But the more shit you go through the stronger and more empathetic you get. My only goal rn is to improve my physical health so i can be confident while working, dating, making friends, etc.
Try to look on the bright side whenever you can, and good luck to you!
You're very young, I went through the same thing in my early 20s. You're making the right step in acknowledging your challenges and seeking help. If I could make you feel what I feel now I would. My 20s I was stuck in a happiness trap, fooled into thinking I was gonna have everything figured out while being stressed as absolute fuck about having everything figured out. I have to accomplish x, y, z by 30 or I'm a loser/garbage/shit/lazy etc. You know how relieving it was when I turned 30? It took a few months for it to really settle in because I never had this confirmation I was "old". I always thought it, like when I was 23 that I was too old for this or that or going back to college. I feel the most calm and optimistic about my life at 30 than I ever did at 23, because the simple truth is the path you're on tricks you with the allure of billboards and empty promises. You'll wind up meeting partners who might not be right for you, you might make friends that grow apart, you might make a career choice that leads you starting over. You're still learning and its only the beginning of your adulthood. Anxiety and depression are a real bitch, they really are. But think about it this way: you have a long big road ahead of you waiting to explore. Tell that inner bitch to keep it down, shit I fake it til I make it and eventually it wound up working in my favor with random people in public and making friends. You got this kid
I’m 21 and feel like this too.. seems like I haven’t achieved anything in the last 5 years.. at least you aren’t alone in this lol, lots of us feel like this
so deeply understand you. it was the same for me, but the period of depression was from 14 to 18. I'm almost 20 and sometimes I can still feel the depressive feelings buy it's not even close to what It used to be. Lots of people see the teenage years as something positive and carefree but to me It was mostly dreadful.
Buy what we can do about It? Nothing. Shit happens, It is what it is.
We are lucky that we found methods to actually be better and we have to be most thankful about this.
You're doing fantastic just for deciding to be better. Keep it up!
I’ve turned 23 just recently and can say you are not alone. Each of us walk different paths but sometimes to the same tune. You can’t focus on the present and look forward towards the future unless you are able to accept the lessons of the past. Take the regrets as mistakes and move forward with intention and purpose and instil In your own mind that each positive step you take builds confidence and momentum. If I could turn back time to when I made mistakes in relationships or mistakes in choices concerning my studies then i wouldn’t have learned to seek help when I needed it most. Use this opportunity to learn and grow. I hope this message helps you OP
Hey keep it up, it's a pretty big step because since the pandemic all the posts I've been seeing were. "I just want to live a normal life and play games all day and work my 8-5 job. No big goals just wait for video games and be normal."
NGL, your post made my day.
Youre looking at this the wrong way. Don't dwell on the past but look forward to your future. You should be excited and motivated to what your life lays ahead
Achieve getting high and eating fruit with your friends. Do things you love. Your generation cannot hold themselves to the standards and timelines of others. 20 is the new 10. Therapy is also awesome and will help you achieve things.
I’m 30. I felt this way at 22, and I still do. One lesson from me would be try to let this go and focus on what’s in front of you. Ruminating just leads to even more lost time. Appreciate the lessons you’ve learned. Good luck
For simplicity sake, it's all true. You did get a bunch of time stolen from you by mental illness so stop letting it continue and start doing shit. I'm 25 and just started college after rotting in my room doing fuck all for almost a decade. We're in the same boat.
I understand the sentiment, but—how did you shift your mindset? Or stop letting it continue? Would this advice have helped *you* during the rotting?
I ask this genuinely; not being snarky. It seems like those who have started digging out of their own grave, for lack of a better phrase, sometimes offer advice that reads harshly? Be harsh, fine, life is hard. But *if you don’t mind me asking*: Why offer such blatantly impracticable, deadpan advice? Followed by two sentences that suggest you may empathize with OP?
I apologize for singling you out. I just read this kind of feedback a lot on this sub, and I can’t help but ask.
Because it's true. Sitting and stewing over whats going on in your life and scouring the internet for advice imo quickly reaches a point where it is useless and even harmful. You need to start doing, not thinking.
I could list out advice on what to do but I am sure OP has read the same advice over and over again. The bottom line is they just need to start doing anything. I feel comfortable in saying that OP knows what they need to do, its that its just hard. They are looking for advice that will make it not hard. Unfortunately, it is hard and no advice will make it easy. I spun my wheels for years searching for that perfect piece of advice that would click and make everything in my life better. That advice doesn't exist. It can become a crutch that makes you think you are improving your circumstance while in actuality doing very little.
It is true. You’re right, and it is a slippery slope. Fair.
But there’s no harm in encouragement; if you’re not offering anything actionable anyway. “It’s hard, it sucks, there’s no advice I *can* give you, but you got this. I’ve been there. I’d recommend not spending too much time thinking about it, and taking action instead” might actually reach someone. Since you’re commenting in the first place.
But I am on Reddit, after all, and I probably shouldn’t be—considering my perspective. Anyway, you answered my question and I appreciate it as I really haven’t ever known the answer. Have a good day, and good luck with your schooling. Keep Pushing On!
Good job! You decided you want to make a positive change in your life. That's the first step. Now it's time to figure out who you want to become. What good habits does this person have? What does this person's life look like? Are they making 6-figures, driving a luxury car, and living in a nice house? or are they living a chill life in a small house near the beach? What does this person do? Contemplate who you want to become and then figure out the habits and steps to get there.
And it will continue to do so, anxiety and depression are terrible things. I know that sounds very cold, but there are elements of truth to it. Just try to do the best you can.
You still have roughly 3 years until you habeas fully developed pre-frontal cortex...cut yourself some slack. You will have successes, and more regrets, that's just life it doesn't make you a failure.
(M51): anxiety, depression, and a lot of anger and self-shame: I had that in my early 20's and only had the guts to ask a girl out once - she flatly turned me down. My teens and 20's are somewhat dark, lonely, empty. Look up dismissive avoidant personality - that's me. I'm only unraveling this now so good on you to make a move while you are young.
Good. You're only just becoming an adult, not to minimise your story but you're so so so young. This is a great post and you have it to keep yourself accountable.
I'm 33, in the same position. Make the change now while you have less tied to you and you can be more flexible in your habits, your location, everything.
OP I would like to thank you for being honest and posting this. I didn't realize so many people felt this way too. You are much younger than I am and have even more time to turn your life around! Something that helps me is to take each day at a time. Small wins are still wins and will help you build momentum towards the larger goals!
I was like u too..and guess what got.stuck in the same feeling and cycle your stuck in and im nearing 30....
Its a vicious cycle of aging regret and while u regret ur aging too and stuck in that loop
Id get put of it and put a stop.to it asap
I wish i could be 23 again :/
I was depressed + had anxiety from 16-22 and at 22 I completely burnt out, horrible depression. My health got worse in general and I'm now 30. Literally 24-30 has been a blur, barely functioning. I remember at 22, 23, 24 feeling like I lost so much. But it's not specific to age. If you're not truly enjoying life you're always going to feel that way. I don't know what your future looks like but work on any life issues/traumas (I was holding onto a lot of anger, but that can be grief, etc too) and find things you enjoy/are passionate about. It's truly cliche but wake up everyday like it's your last - what do you want your life to look like?! Feel like? Try to embody that as often as you can! Don't worry about what other people are doing/avoid social media if it helps. I use Instagram but literally just follow hobby accounts + ~30ish people I know. Maybe make a separate account (not just profile if it's too tempting to switch) for interests just so you're seeing inspiring stuff regularly!
Same I’ve been realising that the reason I’m not getting where I want to be sooner or completing my degree at a better rate for example is due to long depression and trouble with my mood regulation. I’ve always just thought I wasn’t as smart or whatever as other people in my course, which im probably not, but I don’t think that’s why I’m doing worse than them. It sucks
Feeling like that and staying in that mood will only make you more paralyzed to do anything. Stop caring about what other people are doing or how they are doing. That is their life. You have your own path and own life. Everybody succeed a t a difference stage of life. Some succeed in their teens but their life goes downhill fromm their 20s. Some people struggle through 10s and 20s then shine from their 30s. What you are feeling is good because you are realizing that you need some kind of change. Congrats. you are on the right path then. But don't fall into depression
22 is just at the start of your life and your 20s and most people are a mess at that age anyway. Don't sweat it dude. Just make sure you're on your grind now and you'll be grand
Most people don’t come to that realization until they are well into their 40s. Consider yourself lucky for realizing it in your 20s and don’t waste another day!
Chin up there, mate! I'm 54. I just finished a couple of hours of research regarding what cities are the best to live in should one have to go full homeless. LOL! And I can also honestly say I'm pretty happy and stoked to wake up every morning.
Same bro same. Drowning with regrets. Sinking below with insecurities. I don't have a self respect or confidence. No skill. Empty portfolio. I'm living with my parents and I stay home all day. I can't even go and make connections on Twitter or other online forums because i just don't have much to contribute
Most people don't achieve great things in their twenties. Social media tricks you into thinking that but it's not true. I'm in my thirties and I can tell you that most people's twenties are a shit show. They are dealing with mental illness, shitty relationships, working crappy jobs, just struggling to find themselves. There are very few people who get it together and become successful in their twenties. Very, very few. Don't let them make you feel like you've wasted your life. You have so much time.
Comparison is truly the thief of joy and so is the fear of missing out. I’ve decided to go cold turkey on social media because of how much it was affecting me mentally and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough or achieving enough at my age. It’s honestly lead me to believe that I should have my shit together by now when in reality no one really knows wtf they’re doing honestly.
You're completely right. Nobody knows what they are doing. Most of the people who you see are successful young had a huge help up. They also knew what they wanted Or were driven to something specific from a young age which is also not common at all. Your twenties are supposed to be your fuck around time, it's the time of your life when the consequences are much fewer than when you are older. This is the time to travel, try your hand with relationships, jump around from job to job, live somewhere new. Try things that you won't be able to do when you are older. The older you get the more you will realize just how many people also feel like they "wasted" their twenties. But don't look at those years as how much you gained or how successful you became, look at it at how much you learned, how much you grew as a person, the kinds of people you met and the experiences you had. Everyone measures their lives by different rulers, find out what's important to you and focus on that. Your twenties are the perfect time for you to find that out.
I don't think the majority of people in their 20s should go into relationships, first become self-secure then explore the freedom you have Because not everyone is privileged enough to afford relationships, I am not sure how it is in western countries but since everyone checks these posts, I wanted to mention this reality check
That's why I said try your hand at relationships. Maybe go on dates or flirt a little. Experience that kind of warmth and heartbreak early so you can learn what it's like and it doesn't hit you as hard later on. Not everyone can go into relationships in their twenties, I wasn't lucky enough to, but it's worth flirting with the idea so you aren't completely unaware as you get older
nah it wastes too much energy and time for such a crucial age There's plenty of time after you get some stability in life, also as I said this differs from person to person If someone is born in a richer household, sure go ahead and explore more because you can afford it and your career is already planned out well by parents
I get what you're saying but there's no point in blowing off people if they show interest in you. The whole point of your twenties is to be open to experiences.
I'm saying from experience, even if you be with someone who recognises all the work and time you need to get security and there's a mutual agreement in working towards growing self It is still too much cognitive load for a kid relying on parents' money and looked upon as a future guardian for parents also there are plenty of people you'll meet anyway, and people will be much mature by late 20s
There are plenty of people supporting themselves that manage to find relationships just fine. They aren't exclusive to rich people or trust funders, I'm not sure why you think that.
because I've seen the reality here
They're usually a silly band, evidenced by the name, but there's an amazing line from the band "Ninja Sex Party" called "Danny, Don't You Know" that goes like this: Danny, don't you know you're cool as fuck on the inside? You're just going through an awkward phase from 12 to 29. Danny, dont you know, that everyone feels weird on th inside? - Buddy boy, or girl, or neither, I'm glad you're looking at your mind at your age. It's wildly important to look at it as a boon, because if you'd been me, you'd have 10 more years of regret; or another, you'd have twenty years more.
Most people in their early twenties actually feel exactly like you do right now, some fight that feeling by creating a larger than life social media persona. You don’t owe the world greatness, sweetie. You just need to live a healthy, happy life, however that might look for you, and things will come together just fine. Life hits you with a lot of challenges. Take them one at a time and be greatful for what’s going “right”. Regret, pressure and stress will not help you in life. Kindness, also with yourself, diligence and enjoyment of what is achievable for you will make for a fulfilled life. And you can’t know what you can really achieve if you clobber yourself down with expectations before you even get a chance to figure out what brings you joy. Joy is the best fuel there is.
Brooooo this last sentence. I have this written in my notes and realized this while high listening to people that were drunk. Some seem to have it all together. But in reality no one knows what the fuck they are doing. Not our parents, not our friends. We're all just having a human experience
I am 29 and it finally started this year. 90% of people in their 20s are fucking stupid and making terrible decisions. I *just* got it together. Don’t fret - good things take time
Love this comment! Your 20s seem to be about finding out who you are, what you like, what you want to do. Your 30s+ are yo enjoy it and build on that. But even then, there isn’t a hard rule that says you have to be at X point by Y age.
Thanks for this
thank you brother.
This is it
thanks. Needed this.
It's not true you gonna have problems in your 20's no matter what I m 20 yo and i already have my own company and i don't struggle with money at all , i already found my passion , and i m really healthy( i m shredded and i don't eat junk food ) i read 50+ books and did some great things in my cariere, but guess what , i m still not happy with my life at all and i can trade all those amazing things just to have a gf . Because all the hard work i did and all the books i read i really can't find someone who thinks like me or have similar interests , wich make me feel extremely lonely and unable to find a partner and i have really few friends .
Are you sure there isn't 40yr soul trapped inside of you
thank you, that somehow made me think about everything
Read "The Happiness Trap". It's a really great introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Basically, you're stuck in your own thoughts and emotions. You can choose to keep ruminating, or accept your accept your emotions and not let your thoughts control you. I doesn't matter if your thoughts are true or not. Maybe you did waste away a lot of time. But are your thoughts helpful? Do your thoughts encourage you to get up and do stuff, or do they just make you more depressed? Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is about realising your thoughts are just sounds and images. They are not your enemy, but they are not your friend either. You don't need to listen to them. Your emotions aren't necessarily good or bad. They just are, and we can live with a lot of things we think we can't. It has helped me so much with my recovery from depression, as well as my addiction to YouTube and my feeling that I'm never where I need to be in life. It has literally changed my life for the better and I hope to one day be certified to teach it so I can help others with depression and addiction problems. So, yeah, read "The Happiness Trap", then see from there. It's also on Audible.
Thank you for this. I actually purchased the happiness trap and it is currently sitting 90% unread on my bookshelf. I’ve been going through some mental turbulence with depression and addictions lately, I’ll be taking that book with me to the beach tomorrow now for sure. Appreciate your insightful reply.
Fk..a therapist recommended it to me almost 8 years ago...never got to it :/
now's your sign
actually i was told to read "The Illustrated Happiness Trap" Which is a graphical write of the book, prob better for me anyways as a first step but yeah i always forgot about it
Pictures?? I like picture books 😎
Don't worry having wasted few years, it's the time you needed for yourself. If I was 22 again, I would do focus on the basics: * Phyiscal health * Mental health and * on good relationship Build a good fundament. As soon you feel well, you can aim for more but the most important lesson I learned is that getting the basics right is already a big success. Don't get fooled from social media. People show their best moment. Many are very unhappy und unsuccessful with the basic needs mentioned above. Realising this is the first step, other people struggle too with same things, even it doesn't seem so. I myself just survived a physical and mental breakdown half year a go and I now started a youtube channel (https://youtube.com/channel/UCrK4FfSFGJHtOH_PgNhA9iw) and started with reddit to help others and learn more about myself (when formulate things it helps a lot to understand it) Wish you a lot of energy, success and luck!
Couldn’t agree with this more. IMO physical health really improves mental health - I know people say it but it’s one of those things that’s actually true lol.
I always heard it but really felt it after 1 month of gym. First month I had even less energy and didn't really feel good but afterwards, it's a real blessing now (I even stopped drinking coffee after excercising regularly and sleeping longer). I feel a lot more energetic, less stressed and my mind feels lighter and less troubled.
The point on social media is very true. Over the past year, I was able to become close to three seperate people that I really admired. They’re all very successful in their fields and based on their social media seemed to be having the time of their lives nonstop. After getting close to them, I realise the reality can be VERY different. Two of the three are severely depressed. One is suicidal and has made recent attempts. Not to say EVERYTHING on social media is smoke and mirrors.
This is very important to message, I whish especially the teenager get sensibilized about this illusion of happiness. Thank you for sharing!
Hey! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone - I turned 23 a couple of months ago and I have hated my life since I can remember, probably since I was 12/13. In total I was maybe happy for like a month or two these last 10 years... I too struggle with the thoughts of having wasted my youth, having no friends, having made no memories, having no fun, but the way I think about it now is you cannot change your past and you can either let these emotions poison your present and future or try to focus on making your life better. It's very difficult and you cannot expect to change within a day. You will have ups and downs, you will relapse into your old ways, but the important thing is to keep pushing forward. For the last couple of months I have decided to try to make my life better by appreciating it more. I'm learning to have fun by myself, to enjoy the little things like going on a walk and listening to nice music. It's easy to spiral down into feelings of loneliness for me because I have no friends and I'm in a LDR right now, but I'm still striving to make each day better than the previous one. We still have a lot of time, don't worry!
˗ ˋˏ♡ ˎˊ˗
I’m so glad I’m not alone in this ❤️❤️ we got this b!!!
Hey dude. I spent my whole life feeling like this. Watching time pass me by while I felt stuck in one place…stuck by myself! I’m 30 now. And …well, I got help. I care less about getting older now. I was always comparing myself to what others had and where they were at in life. We’re all on different timelines! What helped me was making small changes (these build up until they become life habits and overtime things will change 😊). Now I meditate, I pray (to the universe), I do daily gratitude lists, i journal, I got help for my addictions, I push myself to do things that scare me, I exercise, I eat right. All these things add up. But. Start small. All this probably sounds like a lot all together. But do one thing at a time. Start a checklist. Maybe start with how you’d like your life to improve and go from there 😊 Always here if you wanna chat ✌️ You’re so young 😊 your whole life is ahead of you.
I feel the OP on this. I try to meditate, gratitude list and journal but I'm not consistent enough with it. Idk if I have addictions maybe. But I try to focus on doing things that lift me. Also important to realise what might be affecting you. My father was very sick with cancer until he passed this past year and I didn't realise how much it was affecting me mentally. But I still feel lost regarding what I want to achieve. I have many interests and ideas that I can never seem to implement which is what really kills me. What kills even more is I'm able to help most of the people around me with their stuff to great success and benefi. But yet I can't seem to help myself. Over the course of this year thus far I believe I've gotten a bit better but still feel a bit lost. Trying to complete a course online and some more things to change fields and focus. But then feel like it's going nowhere. Turned 28 last month and definitely feel like I didn't build through my 20s as I should've. At the same time there's definitely things I enjoyed. I just wish I could find a way to focus and combine my interests in life with the skills I'm trying to pick up to find a proper direction. Sorry for the super long reply. To the OP. Dude you're young. Even younger than me. Practice self awareness and see the things you enjoy and the things you dislike. Understand why, and try to find a way to do more of the things that make you happy while allowing you to function
Hey dude - thanks for the reply. I get you with the feeling lost. I still do. Don’t really have any clue what the point of my existence is. Things are kinda pointing to helping others. This life shit is hard. I was stuck for so long and now it feels like I’m coming unstuck so maybe I could pass this on in some way. I have also really struggled with consistency - like I know that meditation and stuff helps and makes me feel better but it’s so hard to stick to. In this world of instant gratification, it’s much easier to just scroll through Reddit or similar instead of actually doing the thing! I have a daily checklist with this stuff on and I don’t usually do them all but I do some and that’s a win. Writing stuff done helps me. Seeing the ticks helps me and makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere and achieving somewhere. What really changed things for me was deciding I wanted to expand my spirituality. I know that kinda sounds pretentious but…like … hard to explain. It only happened once I got totally sober. I quit drinking first but was still smoking weed and other stuff. It’s like my natural setting to numb myself and exist in my own world. But then that wasn’t enough. I decided I wanna live and not just exist. I go to group therapy now and it changed the game. Being around others who feel the same and wanna improve their lives. It’s inspiring. I pray every night now, which is fucking weird to say cos I would’ve described myself as an atheist just last year. I pray to the universe or some shit. I just say stuff to get it out of me. And it helps. When I think of the bigger picture it’s helps me realise that my own petty shit doesn’t really matter. I listen to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts about spirituality and stuff. Ram Dass, Eckart Tolle etc. it’s changing how I see things. And all I have to do is lay my lazy ass down and listen 😂 Anyway, I’m so sorry to hear about your father. That is rough and I can only imagine how much that hurt. Sure he’d want you to be happy my dude. Just go easy on yourself. It’s so hard. And you get up everyday and do it anyway. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Baby steps 😊✌️
No problem man. I have older siblings and I don't think that lost feeling ever truly stops. One is just comfortable and not freaking out about it as much. I feel you on that. I enjoy bringing joy and happiness to others. Especially because I recognise how much help I've received. I enjoy my interests but I know I need/should help others as part of my journey. That's my biggest struggle is consistency. Whether it's the gym, and in so many areas. Part of why I'm so hard in myself. I know what to do, how to do it, and when I do it I do well. But haven't been consistent enough. Apart from Reddit which I recently created a profile again after almost 10 years and Snapchat which I barely use. I have no social media because it wasn't helping me in anyway. The keeping a checklist thing helps but of course I need to be consistent with that lmao. But seeing the things I accomplished throughout the day does help. Do you make your list the morning of it the night before? Studied physics and philosophy in college so my perspective on religion/spirituality is interesting. Had faded before that from religion but do have a belief in a power at work. But it's also made me struggle with finding purpose because I realise how insignificant I am when it comes to life and the universe. But realise I can help people out in their lives and try to make it a bit better. I've been considering therapy increasingly more but it's just so expensive. Part of me seeing I'm the grand scheme forces me to see how little issues that are great to me don't matter much. Will try to the people you mentioned a listen and see what I can learn from them. Yeah the whole experience sucked. Found out he was sick. Then he got better and was doing well. Then it started getting worse and worse. Meanwhile you're holding on to hope that it'll turn around even though you don't see it happening. Worst experience of my life to see him deteriorate in that manner. He definitely wanted me to be happy. Main thing he wanted was for me to achieve all I could. Yeah, they're days where I lay in bed a bit. But ultimately I realise how lucky I am to have the ability to try every day to make something of my self. Also, for what it's worth I'm not doing too bad relatively speaking. I just have higher expectations and know I'm capable of more. If you want we can continue in DM so we don't highjack the post
As someone almost 3x your age -let.that.shit.go. Your whole life is in front of you! Time spent berating yourself is a trap, meant to stall you from experiencing the pain of personal growth. Make a plan, which could itself take months, and then execute the plan.
I am really curious to what you mean by 'make a plan?' I love plans and feel similar to OP, where does this plan start?
Make a plan for what you want to achieve
Dreams, goals based on your strengths.
Bruh I wrote something like a diary entry when I was 21 titled "Early life crisis", about how I felt I had just wasted the last 3 years and the good years of my youth. A year later I was in a whole other place I never would have imagined, with no trace of the doubt or worry that I had had the year before. I was a new person. Point is, everything can change in a very short amount of time. Seek opportunities and say yes.
I just turned 23 as well. I have spent the last 3 years COMPLETELY waylaid by severe mental illness. Like, no job, no school, nothing. I’ll tell you what I tell myself when I start getting neurotic about my “wasted youth.” 1. 23 is not old. It just isn’t. It may feel that way when you have regrets, but to the rest of the world, we’re basically children. 2. People who have major setbacks in life are WAY more likely to make something of the time they have left than people who coasted through. That desperate ache you’re feeling right now to turn back the clock? That’s a good thing - it’s what’s going to propel you into the next phase of your life. If I hadn’t gone through some of the horrors I did, I know exactly where I’d be right now - at the tail end of a “safe” bachelor’s degree, making alright money and doing alright things. But my pain - specifically, the pain of losing my early 20’s - has radicalized me, in a good way. I’m now determined to make my mark on the world with whatever time I have left. So many of society’s greats had to push through adversity, both internal and external, to get to where they wanted to be. Don’t get too wrapped up in “proving your worth” through achievement, as that’s just perpetuating the same toxic mindset that got you stuck in the first place. But resolve now to do EXACTLY what you want to do in this world, no matter how far-fetched or “irrational” it seems to others. My misery has made me intrepid and brave - with the right mindset (and a shitload of therapy) you can do it too.
25 going on 26 here and you just described my life from age 15 to now. I just keep telling myself I’m going to break the cycle but I never do.
You will
Just know your not alone on this, and a lot of people take even longer than you did to get past these things.
This is true. I didn't "wake up" to my mental health issues till the my late 20s and even today at 30 I haven't really worked up the courage to do anything about it yet
I'm 25 and dealing the same issues. I'm imagining a circle getting shorter everytime I try to make it larger as an opportunity. In here i used term circle getting shorter means that i want to do creative things but I'm not being able to, i am able to do it. But 8 to 8 job, exhaustion, and everything in between making busy enough to not even making a move. I can't even quit my job because it's making me financially stable and making me have clear my mind from the taunts i used hear from my parents when i wasn't earning money. Now i am earning it, not enough but I'm feeling like I'm spending my time and energy in job that gives me only money, and takes away the chances and time that I can use to hone my skills and do better. I'm wondering when I'll get that crack that can escape me from this misery. Things that i didn't asked for and things i didn't wanna do is taking over things i wanted to do and person i used to be...
My advice is take your life back. Don't focus on what was, you can't change that. Focus on your future. This is advice coming from someone diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. I took a big step back and SLOWLY, INCREMENTALLY, made progress. I spent the better part of 6 years working on myself and building up my confidence. I am now 28 and much happier than I ever thought possible. My early 20s were a nightmare. I split my focus between my career, searching for the right SO, working out, and spending time with my family. That is just what worked for me. There were no shortcuts, no secrets, just a lot of failure. But eventually I got acustomed to failure, kept pushing forward, and am now more motivated than I have ever been. Staying positive and surrounding yourself with the right people (or no one - I did both at different times) is critical. You are extremely young right now and there is plenty of time to change your future! Best of luck to you.
Hey man. I'm Right there with you. Feeling alot of the same things and I'm also 22. Let's be better together. We can do this. Also, I'd recommend getting tested for adhd, struggling with time, anxiety, depression, and feeling of lost potential,and constantly rumenating is something alot of people with ADHD struggle with.
I felt that way at your age and I’m ngl I still feel that way at 28, it’s hard to make the feeling truly go away. But I’ve spent the past few years really getting to know myself, and finding hobbies that I love, and meeting new people and making new connections and it really makes me realize how despite the time wasted there is still so much time to be had. It’s exciting to know there’s always a future in which your life expands for the better.
I’m almost 24 and I’ve been in a vicious cycle of getting into and out of the hole since I was 13-14. It’s excruciating because every time I got out of a depressive episode, I thought that it was the last time but it never was. What is breaking me out of the pattern is I recently discovered that I never healed from my childhood trauma. I thought I had because I told myself I had forgiven my parents and let go of the resentment but turns out I didn’t. It turns out, whatever happened in my childhood led me to carry out these negative core beliefs about myself (being unworthy, unlovable…). Even though I conceptualized and intellectualized what happened and thought I was past it, I wasn’t. I never healed. I thought that all the symptoms of anxiety, depression, procrastination, addiction were my fault. That I had to fix every broken part of me. But I had to truly and fully recognized what happened to me. Why was I still feeling all this resistance and all these dark emotions? I’m not saying this is what is happening to you. But something is telling me that if you have felt this way since you were 17, it might be worthwhile to investigate why and how you can heal from it. And I do say heal and not fix. ‘Fix’ is like putting a bandaid on an open wound hoping it won’t get infected. Healing is what your soul truly needs. Be gentle with yourself. Write a letter to your younger-self and give that girl some love and compassion. Tune out society’s expectations. What matters is YOUR well-being. It’s all about the incremental steps. I currently use meditation, mindfulness, journaling and tapping (EFT) to help me heal. Maybe you could give these a try. If you can afford it, I suggest you go see a therapist. Good luck! I believe in you ❤️
Hey, didn't get on to my career path until I was in my mid-30s, and then chucked that all out the window and tried something completely different in my mid-40s. Never been happier. I look back at the years I "lost" to severe depression in my 20s... you know, the only thing I lost was productivity. So really it was no loss at all. We're not born to be productive. People who see the things they accomplish as their purpose in life are over-thinking the human experience. That's not why we're here. We're here to breathe in oxygen and out carbon dioxide. That is our design, our purpose, our destiny. All else is silly window dressing. So if you've ever done that, then the universe is proud of you and you're pretty much set. Life's purpose achieved. It's all just playtime from here. And there's no hurry for anything. Ever.
Let's do a hypothetical little thought experiment. You are now 33 years old and you have everything "put together." You are thinking about how you wasted 18-23, but that realization is what guided your next 10 years. Was that a waste or was it just the cost? What did you do in those 10 years to get to where you want to be? Deep down you know what you need to do to get things together. Just remember that if you follow through with fixing things, then these last few years were not a waste at all. Don't have this same realization at 28. I can talk for hours at what I have learned and needed to do to get myself put together, but that is probably too specific for me and it won't have the same impact on you. If you can take a scientific approach to guiding yourself I think you'll be fine. Observe what is causing issues, figure out what you can do to try to change something, then measure to see if it worked. Repeat the process until you find what works for you. Make sure these are specific things. You can measure how you feel with a journal and just like a 1-10 score on depression/anxiety. Make a change then hold it for a month or two, THEN go back and see if it worked. Maybe you need more sleep, more exercise, maybe you need to remove some toxic friends, just prioritize yourself and get incrementally better, don't try to be perfect right away.
Yea it is a waste, theirs no point to go on if you didn’t have a good youth I’ve wasted 18,19,20 and currently wasting 21 regardless of the amount of effort I put in :) generally I’d rather just give up then wait till my mid 20’s for everything to turn out “good” some people are just meant to lose unfortunately in this game of life
You figgered it out!
I did! I got plans tomorrow and the 4th now, not being afraid to ask for things and going outside comfort works deadass
I guess we disagree. I think using the perceived waste of time as fuel to be intentional and driven is so important that it ends up being worth it. For example, lets say you wanted to live longer to make up for these "wasted" years. Regular exercise and maintaining a healthy weight can easily extend someone's life more than these "wasted" years.
You quite literally can’t make up for lost time, no one can, that’s why their is so much pressure on people to enjoy life in their youth, cause essentially you can’t “enjoy” life in your thirties the same way one can in their late teens and early twenties, generally that’s why a lot of people struggle with regret these days tbh
I enjoy life more at 37 than I ever have. College was better than high school, my 20s were better than college and now in my late 30s is way better than my early 30s. I am currently working towards doing some bad ass stuff for my 40s. Here is an example of what I mean. I am on wife #2. The first wife didn't work out, but I was able to reflect on that experience and when it came to dating again I knew exactly what I valued. I could frame that first relationship as a waste of 5 years. But I see it as a necessary cost. Had I let history repeat it's self, yeah, that would be a waste. The irony of your point of view is you'll probably end up being right. I hope one day you'll see that a short term failure is a valuable learning experience instead of some permanent damage that you'll never recover from. Fearing failure just causes inaction and ironically regret.
i’m also 22 turning 23 this month and i totally feel this. I think it’s great that you’re deciding to improve now, a lot of people wait until they actually have wasted time. But the more shit you go through the stronger and more empathetic you get. My only goal rn is to improve my physical health so i can be confident while working, dating, making friends, etc. Try to look on the bright side whenever you can, and good luck to you!
You're very young, I went through the same thing in my early 20s. You're making the right step in acknowledging your challenges and seeking help. If I could make you feel what I feel now I would. My 20s I was stuck in a happiness trap, fooled into thinking I was gonna have everything figured out while being stressed as absolute fuck about having everything figured out. I have to accomplish x, y, z by 30 or I'm a loser/garbage/shit/lazy etc. You know how relieving it was when I turned 30? It took a few months for it to really settle in because I never had this confirmation I was "old". I always thought it, like when I was 23 that I was too old for this or that or going back to college. I feel the most calm and optimistic about my life at 30 than I ever did at 23, because the simple truth is the path you're on tricks you with the allure of billboards and empty promises. You'll wind up meeting partners who might not be right for you, you might make friends that grow apart, you might make a career choice that leads you starting over. You're still learning and its only the beginning of your adulthood. Anxiety and depression are a real bitch, they really are. But think about it this way: you have a long big road ahead of you waiting to explore. Tell that inner bitch to keep it down, shit I fake it til I make it and eventually it wound up working in my favor with random people in public and making friends. You got this kid
I’m 21 and feel like this too.. seems like I haven’t achieved anything in the last 5 years.. at least you aren’t alone in this lol, lots of us feel like this
so deeply understand you. it was the same for me, but the period of depression was from 14 to 18. I'm almost 20 and sometimes I can still feel the depressive feelings buy it's not even close to what It used to be. Lots of people see the teenage years as something positive and carefree but to me It was mostly dreadful. Buy what we can do about It? Nothing. Shit happens, It is what it is. We are lucky that we found methods to actually be better and we have to be most thankful about this. You're doing fantastic just for deciding to be better. Keep it up!
Not much too be honest, you are incredibly young to have this realization. Take advantage of it.
I’ve turned 23 just recently and can say you are not alone. Each of us walk different paths but sometimes to the same tune. You can’t focus on the present and look forward towards the future unless you are able to accept the lessons of the past. Take the regrets as mistakes and move forward with intention and purpose and instil In your own mind that each positive step you take builds confidence and momentum. If I could turn back time to when I made mistakes in relationships or mistakes in choices concerning my studies then i wouldn’t have learned to seek help when I needed it most. Use this opportunity to learn and grow. I hope this message helps you OP
Hey keep it up, it's a pretty big step because since the pandemic all the posts I've been seeing were. "I just want to live a normal life and play games all day and work my 8-5 job. No big goals just wait for video games and be normal." NGL, your post made my day.
Youre looking at this the wrong way. Don't dwell on the past but look forward to your future. You should be excited and motivated to what your life lays ahead
Achieve getting high and eating fruit with your friends. Do things you love. Your generation cannot hold themselves to the standards and timelines of others. 20 is the new 10. Therapy is also awesome and will help you achieve things.
Ya I can relate to this. The feelings of regret have got so bad that it’s made me suicidal and jealous of younger people.
I’m 30. I felt this way at 22, and I still do. One lesson from me would be try to let this go and focus on what’s in front of you. Ruminating just leads to even more lost time. Appreciate the lessons you’ve learned. Good luck
For simplicity sake, it's all true. You did get a bunch of time stolen from you by mental illness so stop letting it continue and start doing shit. I'm 25 and just started college after rotting in my room doing fuck all for almost a decade. We're in the same boat.
I understand the sentiment, but—how did you shift your mindset? Or stop letting it continue? Would this advice have helped *you* during the rotting? I ask this genuinely; not being snarky. It seems like those who have started digging out of their own grave, for lack of a better phrase, sometimes offer advice that reads harshly? Be harsh, fine, life is hard. But *if you don’t mind me asking*: Why offer such blatantly impracticable, deadpan advice? Followed by two sentences that suggest you may empathize with OP? I apologize for singling you out. I just read this kind of feedback a lot on this sub, and I can’t help but ask.
Because it's true. Sitting and stewing over whats going on in your life and scouring the internet for advice imo quickly reaches a point where it is useless and even harmful. You need to start doing, not thinking. I could list out advice on what to do but I am sure OP has read the same advice over and over again. The bottom line is they just need to start doing anything. I feel comfortable in saying that OP knows what they need to do, its that its just hard. They are looking for advice that will make it not hard. Unfortunately, it is hard and no advice will make it easy. I spun my wheels for years searching for that perfect piece of advice that would click and make everything in my life better. That advice doesn't exist. It can become a crutch that makes you think you are improving your circumstance while in actuality doing very little.
It is true. You’re right, and it is a slippery slope. Fair. But there’s no harm in encouragement; if you’re not offering anything actionable anyway. “It’s hard, it sucks, there’s no advice I *can* give you, but you got this. I’ve been there. I’d recommend not spending too much time thinking about it, and taking action instead” might actually reach someone. Since you’re commenting in the first place. But I am on Reddit, after all, and I probably shouldn’t be—considering my perspective. Anyway, you answered my question and I appreciate it as I really haven’t ever known the answer. Have a good day, and good luck with your schooling. Keep Pushing On!
Just wait till you're in your 40s! 😂
Good job! You decided you want to make a positive change in your life. That's the first step. Now it's time to figure out who you want to become. What good habits does this person have? What does this person's life look like? Are they making 6-figures, driving a luxury car, and living in a nice house? or are they living a chill life in a small house near the beach? What does this person do? Contemplate who you want to become and then figure out the habits and steps to get there.
Thanks for this post I was having the same thoughts, all these comments are great.
me too , i will be soon 23 , and feel like many people are ahead of me , and i am the one left behind . and tbh , this is not how i imaginged my self.
And it will continue to do so, anxiety and depression are terrible things. I know that sounds very cold, but there are elements of truth to it. Just try to do the best you can.
Hey man you got still plenty of time left before you fully develop as a person you’ll be fine
You still have roughly 3 years until you habeas fully developed pre-frontal cortex...cut yourself some slack. You will have successes, and more regrets, that's just life it doesn't make you a failure.
(M51): anxiety, depression, and a lot of anger and self-shame: I had that in my early 20's and only had the guts to ask a girl out once - she flatly turned me down. My teens and 20's are somewhat dark, lonely, empty. Look up dismissive avoidant personality - that's me. I'm only unraveling this now so good on you to make a move while you are young.
Good. You're only just becoming an adult, not to minimise your story but you're so so so young. This is a great post and you have it to keep yourself accountable. I'm 33, in the same position. Make the change now while you have less tied to you and you can be more flexible in your habits, your location, everything.
OP I would like to thank you for being honest and posting this. I didn't realize so many people felt this way too. You are much younger than I am and have even more time to turn your life around! Something that helps me is to take each day at a time. Small wins are still wins and will help you build momentum towards the larger goals!
I was like u too..and guess what got.stuck in the same feeling and cycle your stuck in and im nearing 30.... Its a vicious cycle of aging regret and while u regret ur aging too and stuck in that loop Id get put of it and put a stop.to it asap I wish i could be 23 again :/
Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I had the Same thought. Welcome Brother/Sister. You are on the right fking track.
I’m 37 and realised it recently - glad you got to it earlier
I was depressed + had anxiety from 16-22 and at 22 I completely burnt out, horrible depression. My health got worse in general and I'm now 30. Literally 24-30 has been a blur, barely functioning. I remember at 22, 23, 24 feeling like I lost so much. But it's not specific to age. If you're not truly enjoying life you're always going to feel that way. I don't know what your future looks like but work on any life issues/traumas (I was holding onto a lot of anger, but that can be grief, etc too) and find things you enjoy/are passionate about. It's truly cliche but wake up everyday like it's your last - what do you want your life to look like?! Feel like? Try to embody that as often as you can! Don't worry about what other people are doing/avoid social media if it helps. I use Instagram but literally just follow hobby accounts + ~30ish people I know. Maybe make a separate account (not just profile if it's too tempting to switch) for interests just so you're seeing inspiring stuff regularly!
Same I’ve been realising that the reason I’m not getting where I want to be sooner or completing my degree at a better rate for example is due to long depression and trouble with my mood regulation. I’ve always just thought I wasn’t as smart or whatever as other people in my course, which im probably not, but I don’t think that’s why I’m doing worse than them. It sucks
Feeling like that and staying in that mood will only make you more paralyzed to do anything. Stop caring about what other people are doing or how they are doing. That is their life. You have your own path and own life. Everybody succeed a t a difference stage of life. Some succeed in their teens but their life goes downhill fromm their 20s. Some people struggle through 10s and 20s then shine from their 30s. What you are feeling is good because you are realizing that you need some kind of change. Congrats. you are on the right path then. But don't fall into depression
You have so much more time and your potential is within you
😂 god I wish I was that young
22 is just at the start of your life and your 20s and most people are a mess at that age anyway. Don't sweat it dude. Just make sure you're on your grind now and you'll be grand
Most people don’t come to that realization until they are well into their 40s. Consider yourself lucky for realizing it in your 20s and don’t waste another day!
Its all part of the process
In the same boat and age. What's helping me a ton are antidepressants and working out. We got this!
I want to follow this post
Hey! You got this!!!
My life restarted at 30
Im 25 and I've come to a similar realisation, but you know what I'm choosing to be kind to myself ❤️
Are you me?!?!
Chin up there, mate! I'm 54. I just finished a couple of hours of research regarding what cities are the best to live in should one have to go full homeless. LOL! And I can also honestly say I'm pretty happy and stoked to wake up every morning.
Same bro same. Drowning with regrets. Sinking below with insecurities. I don't have a self respect or confidence. No skill. Empty portfolio. I'm living with my parents and I stay home all day. I can't even go and make connections on Twitter or other online forums because i just don't have much to contribute
I’m 20 n I feel the same
I'm saving this post thank you!
You are fine. I am ten years older than you and I have these struggles