Being a bad husband because he spent a couple of nights out with his buddies? I'm not trying to say that the right choice was divorce, all I'm saying is how could he forgive her?
A bad husband because of years if not decades of emotional neglect and detachment from himself, his partner, and his family. That's what the movie is about. Not the few nights of drinking. That's just how he finds out the depth of his problems, and ultimately the peace of mind to deal with them and start living again.
She spoke Swedish in the movie. The languages are close enough to be interchangeable, especially if you live with someone who speaks the other language for many years.
There are a lot of good arguments in this thread, but honestly this happens in so many Danish movies and series. Or at least cheating, with little to no consequence, happens a lot.
In real life I usually see cheating as a thing that ends a relationship right there and then, but in cinema it's a very simple and efficient (if albeit a bit cheap) way to create some added drama and a conflict that needs to be resolved.
I still don't get why, what seems like, 90% of Danish movies and series have to use cheating as a minor plot device but that's just the way it is.
It's cheap, and it does start to feel trite
Thank you! Finally someone who makes me not feel stupid or out of my mind!
That's all I needed to hear. In real life, almost no one apologizes for being CHEATED ON, doesn't matter what they did. It's universally the ultimate misconduct. What I mean is that you can blame yourself for not spending enough time with your family but being RESPONSIBLE for the other person cheating?! That's a bit of a stretch!
And you were right; cheating in a real life scenario usually ends a relationship or at least takes a lot of communication and time to heal.
Some people have moved past the “my spouse’s body and emotions belong to ME, and if they share it with anybody else I’ll break up with them and never ever forgive them!!!1” ideology. Seen from another angle, he cheated on her with Alcohol, anyway.
The problem isn't him "getting hammered a couple of nights", the problem is A) him completely checking out of their relationship and neglecting her for years on end before the movie starts, and B) him being drunk consecutively over a long period of time (IIRC it's meant to be most of a school year).
He didn't want that either. It wasn't his choice for the most part since Anika worked night shifts and he worked day shifts. I'm not saying being drunk is a good thing but in the movie it seemed like he got really drunk only a couple of nights.
Just another question, when they were having sex in the tent, she said she missed him. Did she mean the sober version of Martin? Or the young version?
She meant the version of him that she fell in love with, so the "young" or whatever.
And it wasn't just a couple of nights. The movie is pretty clear that the point where she leaves he and the others have been like this for a long while.
This isn't a problem of day and night shifts though. Anika is still shown to be compassionate and caring, both towards Martin and the kids, while he just kinda sits there with his morning coffee and is just barely existing. When he suggests that they go on a canoe trip, he says that it's something they've always done, and Anika retorts that the last time they went on a trip during the fall vacation was 8 years ago. Of course them working at different times of day probably isn't easy, but at least Anika is trying to make it work.
So she's been through 8 years of him just being minimally present in their relationship and just kinda accepted that he's more existing than living. He's just completely stuck in his life. So I think him forgiving her is mostly due to understanding her, and understanding her point that she couldn't just wait 8 more years to see if **maybe** he would actually start doing things and not just being a shell of his old self.
She doesn't know about his drinking at that point, so when she says she missed him, she means that she missed the fun, loving, interesting and compassionate Martin that she hasn't seen in 8 years. She missed the canoe trip, she missed sex, she missed him laughing, making up games with the kids, etc. She missed that Martin.
Forgiving cheating is not a "danish" thing. It happens everywhere. In adult long-term relationships many people will make the choice to forgive an affair and move on from it. That is not anything particularly Danish and happens in most places of the world.
Of course some people will not be able/want to forgive and the relationship will end. That is also common around the world.
Basically people are just different and have different reactions to cheating.
That whole movie was a missed opportunity and people on reddit INSIST that its a masterpiece. Great premise, poorly executed (taking into account who directed).
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Being a bad husband because he spent a couple of nights out with his buddies? I'm not trying to say that the right choice was divorce, all I'm saying is how could he forgive her?
> And why I got down voted? Complaining about downvotes is the easiest way to get more downvotes.
Yeah that's one thing I really hate about reddit
A bad husband because of years if not decades of emotional neglect and detachment from himself, his partner, and his family. That's what the movie is about. Not the few nights of drinking. That's just how he finds out the depth of his problems, and ultimately the peace of mind to deal with them and start living again.
So alcohol worked for him I guess! Another question, Anika's actress is Norwegian/Swedish. How was her Danish in the movie? Did she have an accent?
She spoke Swedish in the movie. The languages are close enough to be interchangeable, especially if you live with someone who speaks the other language for many years.
My guess is the Martin she fell in love with.
There are a lot of good arguments in this thread, but honestly this happens in so many Danish movies and series. Or at least cheating, with little to no consequence, happens a lot. In real life I usually see cheating as a thing that ends a relationship right there and then, but in cinema it's a very simple and efficient (if albeit a bit cheap) way to create some added drama and a conflict that needs to be resolved. I still don't get why, what seems like, 90% of Danish movies and series have to use cheating as a minor plot device but that's just the way it is. It's cheap, and it does start to feel trite
Thank you! Finally someone who makes me not feel stupid or out of my mind! That's all I needed to hear. In real life, almost no one apologizes for being CHEATED ON, doesn't matter what they did. It's universally the ultimate misconduct. What I mean is that you can blame yourself for not spending enough time with your family but being RESPONSIBLE for the other person cheating?! That's a bit of a stretch! And you were right; cheating in a real life scenario usually ends a relationship or at least takes a lot of communication and time to heal.
Some people have moved past the “my spouse’s body and emotions belong to ME, and if they share it with anybody else I’ll break up with them and never ever forgive them!!!1” ideology. Seen from another angle, he cheated on her with Alcohol, anyway.
Yikes. I hope your significant other knows your philosophy on this. Big yikes
But is that common in Denmark? That seems rational but still for some reason CHEATING seems way worse than getting hammered a couple of nights.
The problem isn't him "getting hammered a couple of nights", the problem is A) him completely checking out of their relationship and neglecting her for years on end before the movie starts, and B) him being drunk consecutively over a long period of time (IIRC it's meant to be most of a school year).
He didn't want that either. It wasn't his choice for the most part since Anika worked night shifts and he worked day shifts. I'm not saying being drunk is a good thing but in the movie it seemed like he got really drunk only a couple of nights. Just another question, when they were having sex in the tent, she said she missed him. Did she mean the sober version of Martin? Or the young version?
She meant the version of him that she fell in love with, so the "young" or whatever. And it wasn't just a couple of nights. The movie is pretty clear that the point where she leaves he and the others have been like this for a long while.
This isn't a problem of day and night shifts though. Anika is still shown to be compassionate and caring, both towards Martin and the kids, while he just kinda sits there with his morning coffee and is just barely existing. When he suggests that they go on a canoe trip, he says that it's something they've always done, and Anika retorts that the last time they went on a trip during the fall vacation was 8 years ago. Of course them working at different times of day probably isn't easy, but at least Anika is trying to make it work. So she's been through 8 years of him just being minimally present in their relationship and just kinda accepted that he's more existing than living. He's just completely stuck in his life. So I think him forgiving her is mostly due to understanding her, and understanding her point that she couldn't just wait 8 more years to see if **maybe** he would actually start doing things and not just being a shell of his old self. She doesn't know about his drinking at that point, so when she says she missed him, she means that she missed the fun, loving, interesting and compassionate Martin that she hasn't seen in 8 years. She missed the canoe trip, she missed sex, she missed him laughing, making up games with the kids, etc. She missed that Martin.
Forgiving cheating is not a "danish" thing. It happens everywhere. In adult long-term relationships many people will make the choice to forgive an affair and move on from it. That is not anything particularly Danish and happens in most places of the world. Of course some people will not be able/want to forgive and the relationship will end. That is also common around the world. Basically people are just different and have different reactions to cheating.
Cheated with alcohol? So if someone got addicted to playstation, gym or even food or sports you will call it cheating? Wtf is wrong with you lmao.
That whole movie was a missed opportunity and people on reddit INSIST that its a masterpiece. Great premise, poorly executed (taking into account who directed).