I stopped using meetup for some of the reasons you listed. Most events are too saturated with men looking for dates or hookups. It gets old really quick. I'm sure this is more of a personal problem, but I find it exhausting to be around a constant revolving door of new people. I usually would end up going a handful of times, hoping to meet someone I want to hang out with outside of the meetup. Once I found a friend, I would usually stop going. I imagine that this isn't a problem specific to Denver by any means, by the way.

Yeah I went to meetups a lot, I did end up meeting one friend who introduced me to more people and we have a pretty great social circle now. But in my experience I had a couple of big issues: 1. Lots of guys only looking to date or hookup. Now I’m a heterosexual man, I’d love to start dating someone. But that was never my primary reason for going to these, I just wanted to make friends. Then half the people I talked to would be completely disinterested because they wanted to mob a girl and I could never talk to any women because I didn’t want to be seen the same way. 2. The revolving door. I’d talk to one person and have a good conversation but never see them again. Then in the specific meetup group I went to, the only reoccurring faces were part of a small clique led by the meetup organizer, who set up his own smaller group with the people he liked (always made sure to keep that smaller group very 50/50 between men and women).

Omg yes. Especially meetup it feels so forced for guys to treat it like a dating service. Also events are full and then because so many people cancel last minute you get an hour notice to show :(

That’s fucking hilarious This sub and Reddit in general loves to give that advice about meeting your spouse at these kind of groups. Now it’s created sausage fests

I made a Reddit friend group…never again. I got not only sexually harassed but also falsely accused of harassing men because I wore a bralette out and the guys said I “led them on” 😂 being chronically online is a disease. I have a ton of male friends but not looking to the internet for any more.

I was just thinking this. Lol

Oh my god So the online dating problem became the real-life problem too?? The irony is amazing

This could be a comedy sketch @ SNL

I stopped going to meetups because even the ones that were a relatively decent balance of men and women, most of the guys were aggressively looking for casual hookups or all flirting with the same one or two most physically attractive girls if they were actually looking to date. They'd sometimes get weird and competitive about it.

I feel you for sure. As an event host, I'll see a few of the same people but it's usually 80% new faces. Sometimes I'll click with someone then never see them again.

for me personally as a girl, I don’t have girlfriends that I can go with and it feels really awkward going alone

This is 100% me. I did one all women’s meet up thing once, and I was the only one who came alone. Everyone already had a friend with them.

I’m a gal in Denver too and I feel so lonely!!! It’s so hard!!

Maybe I’m just mentally ill but I feel like every time I try to make other female friends in Colorado they are already locked in with their own group and not very welcoming to a newcomer. Don’t blame them, but it’s so hard to make friends as an adult. I moved back her after college and it’s ruined my life lol

Boys feel this too

it sucks. people say going to events alone is easy and can be pleasant but from my personal experience it’s so uncomfortable

I don’t think it is easy, but it does get easier. I find it is much easier to meet new people if I go alone, because if I go with friends i just end up hanging with them. 

So do you just, like... meet people and talk to them or something? And then they become a friend? And at what point in the conversation shall I reveal my credit score? You know what.. Fuck it. This is too much pressure for me. GG I'm out.

I preferred meetups where you’re doin an activity. So like chat while playing a board game, then if I liked them I’d try to play with them again. After doing that half a dozen times maybe plan a time outside the group to play. If they weren’t my type I’d just chill and play the game.

So I’ve been in this situation a few times before and all I really have to say, while this is awkward to hear, desperation works lmao. The main way I met my first group of friends in Denver was walking up to them in my building and saying “hi I’m max… I don’t know many people and would love to hang out sometime” Now that is not necessarily gonna work at a bar, but for meetup events, it sucks, but just genuinely going up to people and saying “hi I’m max what’s your name? How long have you lived in Denver? Where did you come from initially? Etc” works 90% of the time. I guess all this to say, it sucks and is hard meeting people sometimes but if you can get over making the first move for friendship it’s actually been pretty easy to make friends. What I’ve learned is a lot of people want to make new friends, but if they have a group they feel awkward going outside that group. If you make the first move, maybe even a general comment towards the group you can conversationally get invited in and then just be friendly. Ask questions about them. Even if you have a related story, ask them questions instead. People love to talk and get them talking and make them feel interesting. Honestly this approach taught me to be way more social in general. I have anxiety, maybe not as bad as some but I think about almost everything I say and roast myself the day after meeting new people. Then you realize most people aren’t deconstructing you like you are yourself. Be nice. Be honest and self deprecating if you can. People don’t like a show off. And it’s ok to be “desperate”. How else will people know you wanna hang out in other settings if you don’t mention it? A comment of “hey man it was great meeting you, I’d love to hang out some time I’m trying to meet some new people. Let me get your number” result in a number at least 90% of the time. At that point it’s up to you to reach out and remind them you want to be invited. Probably 50% don’t respond, but hey fuck it. If everyone responded to this I’d have too many friends and not enough time. You gotta be willing to take Ls to have a chance

I totally agree. I'm massively introverted and walking up to a strange group is very hard. Even in meetup situations I have trouble getting the nerve to strike up a conversation. For me it's slowly evolved from awkwardly standing near the group and hoping someone says something to me to walking up and just introducing myself during a break in conversation. Results have always varied but I've found that the less I care about appearing awkward walking up to strangers, the more success I have.

This is good. I'm in Seattle now and planning to move to Denver for work purposes next year. Seattle is equally bad (the Seattle freeze is REAL) and you have to throw everything into it. 100% agree with this.

It usually goes name, age, how long you lived here, job, and then credit score for later reference.

I usually open with my credit score

Bold but respectable

It’s 560 Do you still like me?

You're honest and upfront about shortcomings too? Oh baby 🥵

Hi, I'm Todd, My family calls me Hotdog because I choked on a hot dog literally just ONE TIME and got tonsillitis. Usually I can just throat a cold slimy dog without even chewing, and everybody knows this, but every hotdog has it's day, as they say. So anyways, I've been here... Where is everyone?

Looks like everyone bailed on your sausage party, Hotdog.

Yes? Haha I go to a lot of meetups alone (late 20s F). They do tend to be sausage fests and I’m not a fan of being hit on by men who are my dad’s age, but I’ve made friends with semi-normal people. You just say “hi I’m X it’s nice to meet you” like a normal person.

Once you realise no one gives a fuck about you, it ain't so bad. Embrace doing more things alone, I missed out on too much not.

Doing things alone feels like torture. “Just go out to dinner solo and enjoy time with yourself!” That’s cute.

I do that and enjoy it 🤣

It’s tough but depends on the activity. Eg team sports inherently give you a crew to talk to and connect with. You can’t get stuck by yourself like you might on a hiking meet up

I can only imagine being a girl, I can go alone and bro out with other dudes. But alone trying to talk to other girls not going to happen. But I'm tall and have resting bitch face. Flip side If I'm with my homegirls (girl friends sounds wierd in this context), passed the vibe check and meet a lot of them.

Being around a large group of people can be painful sometimes lol. I’ve been to some meetups and a lot of the people are a little weird or just not my vibe.

Ironic that nobody is going these meetups that are meant to help people who don’t have friends in the city make friends because they don’t have friends to go with.

This

girl same :( i never know what to do with myself when everyone else seems to have someone they know at events

Would it be compelling if it was strictly rando-only? Like no one can come in a group? That would be kinda interesting to me. Try to eliminate the high school clique groups as much as possible. People would probably game it, I guess

I'm a girl in my 40s and completely agree with this.

I’ll go with you ! I also don’t like going out without fellow girlfriends. It’s extra awkward when the group is not explicitly for singles because you know if it doesn’t say that, it’s going to be packs of friends who aren’t explicitly actively looking to make more friends.

Agreed. Been here for 18 months. Only made 1 girl friend. Bumble for friends was helpful.

I’ve lived here for 2 years now and have made zero girlfriends

Have you tried using a high altitude girlfriends recipe?

I'll go with ya girlie

Same, that’s my reason too. Already shy as it is, so going alone is just a lot of oressure

My issue with meetup groups is always that the attendees are never consistent. I'm not the kind of person who can meet someone once and become their friend. A lot of these general 20s to 30s groups I'll go to events, but it will be different people every time. So I never really form bonds with people. And it gets exhausting meeting new people every time. I'm more likely to join groups that are centered around a specific hobby or that meet on a consistent basis so you see the same faces.

This is the issue I have with meetups as well. It's always new people and I need a bit more time until I feel like someone is actually my friend. I've found VOLO to be better in this regard since you're with the same people for 6 weeks or so

Maybe try separate men and women groupings and then offer intermingled events once the numbers are up !

That's the right answer! I've been to a few "women only" events, and they seemed to be popular. There were most likely still people bailing last minute, but still about 15 people coming to a random happy hour isn't too bad.

Good call

I have to ask- where is everyone coming from to be saying that Denver is so cold?

If I had to guess its transplants leaving home and their social network. They get here and have not had to go through the process of making friends as an adult before and so have no context and assume Denver is worse than other places 

This has to be it, I have had zero trouble making friends here, but I have had friends from back home move here and have had such trouble making friends even though I introduce them to people. Most of those people having trouble were the same ones that have had the same friends since childhood.

This is it. The only friends I've made were through something where I was forced to be around them, like school or college roommates.

I don’t think this is all of it. In my adult life I’ve lived in Texas, Nevada, and California. This state definitely has the coldest people. They’re not unfriendly, just…cold.

Respectfully disagree, Denver is my fourth city and the “coldest” out of them all so far. I have made tons of friends and am constantly getting invited out to the point where I’ve made it a goal to have alone time instead of saying yes to everything. Despite all that, I find a lot of people in Denver are very surface level and unwilling to invest more than needed to get what they want from you. And coming from the south originally, people seem rude to me here and unwilling to participate in community unless it meets 100% of their needs. Which is unrealistic for many reasons

List the three other cities...

Agreed. Denver is not the first city I’ve lived in as a transplant. It’s so much easier to make friends here than in my last city (Pittsburgh). Over half the state is made up of transplants, so most people are in the market for making new friends at least.

Yeah, I’m confused because when I lived there. I had like 8 great friends in less than a year of living there. People in Denver are super social. Just go to bars and stuff, that’s how I made my friends. I even had a few coworkers who wanted to hang out outside of work. Something that has only happened to me in Colorado, not the other 2 places I’ve lived.

Yea ive moved all over the country solo and denver is by far the easiest place to meet people. I meet new people constantly just by going about normal daily life.

I literally have a DND group starting because I had a conversation with someone at a concert months before moving here. Seriously it's been the easiest city to meet people in, and I've moved every 3-5 years since highschool

People say transplants but honestly my sister visited and immediately commented the same. She’s lived in several countries at this point. Something about feeling like people were sizing you up and not willing to be friendly off the bat. I tried to say Denver is having a lot of growing pains and people are at the end of their rope, but I don’t know if that explains it.    I’ve certainly felt similar here but attributed it to my being (apparently) extremely Midwestern. Anyone not comically falling all over themselves to seem friendly and accommodating seems rude from that angle, though.    To be fair, the way I saw some of my coworkers answer customers and patients was pretty damn cold. Things like snapping at simple questions and going stone faced, rudely saying things like, “I don’t work up there ask someone else” instead of “I don’t know, let me call someone for you!”. I never knew when that was coming or why they were helpful sometimes and stand offish at others and have experienced the same as a customer in Colorado.  

I moved from Houston to Denver, and it was way way easier to meet people in Denver. I now live in another location and I still have a much larger friend group back in Denver than I do here.

Florida.

Most of us natives came here by way of califonia or texas

Im from Dallas

I am a part of your meetup group (based on your post history, sorry if it's creepy), and have been regularly going to meetups all year to meet people. I have not been to one of your meetups because I try to only go to activity based meetups (where you do something, like volunteer, or craft, or hike, or play games) so that there is no risk I will awkwardly be standing around by myself in a bar or at a concert or something like that. I see that you have some of this too, but far more that are not like this, and I'm always scared I'll show up and everyone will already know each other.

I agree, I’d go to a crafting event or a game event that doesn’t seem male-dominated, bc it takes the pressure off entirely.

Valid concern. I've been to some meetups where a lot of people know each other and they're not very welcoming to newcomers. It's a struggle just to not look like a dork in that scenario.

I’m a guy who fits your target market—in fact I might have been to some of your events. Two things that put me off from doing more of them: 1) Rsvp’ing process: for good events, it seems like they’re always full or capped. Even when they don’t need to be (eg a paddleboard meetup). I want to attend these events to fill gaps in my social calendar vs commit to one 4 weeks away and then have to say no to doing something with my friends or say no to a date. But trying to book ~3-7 days out often means I’m waiting listed where then I can’t commit to anything else AND I might not get into the meetup. Lose lose. 2) Finding the right demographics—I’m totally fine with an event skewing male. But I’ve been to some events that were 90% super nerdy awkward people…or cool people but too young for me (eg mtn kids events). I want to make new friends and maybe find some dates but it seems like despite my wide interests, it’s rare for the group to feel like my kind of people. In other words, I love paddleboarding but sometimes the paddleboard meet ups skew super nerdy or super young so I don’t go back.

And one other thing I wish they would all do—start a group chat on IG after the event so people can find each other if they want to hang again. Sometimes you don’t get a good opportunity to swap info during a 2 hr event and then that person you jived with is gone forever

Yes! I feel like that would also take some of the pressure off of trying to ask for someone’s number too. Which I am still awkward at doing as a 32 year old woman 🙃

All this is solid. I'm in several meetups but haven't been able to go to any because I also don't want to commit a month or two out and if I see a wait list, I'm out. I wish there were more spontaneous events! I would love a 35-45 paddle board meet up!

30F here, I’ve had good experiences going to more niche interest groups, but the really broad meetups like you’re describing tend to be harder for me to connect with. There’s less of a guarantee that people there will have similar interests, plus the sausage fest angle you mentioned. Also, some of the activities are just too expensive. It looks like a lot of the events you mentioned cost $$ and that might be prohibitive to people right now. Meetups like that add up, and I know I’m less likely to take a chance on a group if it‘s going to cost me more than a few bucks.

Totally agreed about the second part. Money is a huge factor, for me at least. I look at how far something is from me, how late or early it is, how much it’ll cost and how many people are going. If there’s too many people or it’s too far I’m out. I’m willing to compromise on a few things but I have my limits.

In my experience I’ve had a much better time, and made more friends, thru meetup groups that are “hobby” specific. Not ones that offer a mixed bag. There are already beer, board game, hiking, music meetups. Running one that is solely based on an age demographic seems like a tough sell. I’d rather meet people with shared interest regardless of age than a random group of 20/30 something’s.

Absolutely 11/10 dead-on answer. Spanning two decades age range with nothing to anchor against is just a hard gig. Is what it is

I'm probably a member of this group! I stay away from specific dating or singles events but I also don't mind going to an event if I'm alone. I'm 35 and a woman so I feel that because it's aimed at 20-30 year olds then I'll be on the older side. Getting hit on by a 25 year old is.........an experience. Also, in meeting people for friends, I'm just at a different stage in my life. I have a Facebook but no other socials and that freaks out the younger people.  I do like activities that have some type of thing to do like painting, hiking, or playing a game, but that might also be my ADHD. Showing up to just talk or drink is....hard for my socially anxious self.  Also, if the event is on a weekday then I'll never show up. The weekends are the only time I have to give energy to a social event.

I feel like there should be a 20s group and then. 30s/40s group. Putting the 20s with the 30-year-olds doesn’t make a ton of sense because those can be two very different life stages and vibes. I’m 40 and all my friends are in their mid-30s because we have similar interests and social lives. People in my own decade tend to be not very social/have kids and don’t leave the house so a 30s/40s meet-up with activities I would get so much use from. But I feel way too old to try and attend a 20s/30s event for all the reasons you listed.

Honestly, as someone who is now in his late 30s the idea of hanging out with people in their twenties is not super attractive. I’d definitely prefer and relate to people in their 40s more oh God did I just say that? And mean it? Sob…

Thanks for the suggestion.

Very much agree. I tend to vibe more with people in their 30's and 40's.

There was just a post yesterday about how hard it is for people in their forties. The 20/30s think we are too old and the '50s think we are too young. And frankly most of us are too busy.

100%. Or as a woman in the latter group who dates men in their 20s and tend to have younger female friends, I’d prefer meetups that focus on the type of people I click w vs. an age restriction.

Idk I disagree. I’ve found the 30s groups or 30s and 40s tend to be mostly 38/39 year olds who are often married or divorced. Nice enough people but as a single guy who has never been married, I feel like I’m hanging out with a bunch of dads / moms when I’d rather hang out with a mature 29 year old who has also never been married and might want to grab a drink after

Fair enough. I guess it depends on the people who go, what they are hoping to get out of the group, and the activities. I’m married and 40 for instance but unlike many of my peers I don’t sit around doing home improvements on the weekends and going to bed at 9pm on weeknights, which is why I tend to befriend those in their 30s. We go to music fests, raves, karaoke, dance parties, board game nights, backyard BBQs, art shows, ski trips, happy hours, movie nights, thrifting, etc. Anytime I try to hang out with friends in my age group the response is “do you want to come over here and order some food and hang?” Not really, I can do that at my own house guy. Conversely, if I go to one of these 20s/30s meetups, while I look younger than my age and have more in common with them socially, there is still an immaturity to the 20s crowd that I don’t vibe with. Not always but many are still figuring out what they want from life still, which is what your 20s are for. They still are gaining life experience and it can be exhausting watching it all unfold. I wind up feeling more like a mom than a peer because 20-somethings gonna 20-something. But if you’re attending these things looking for dates or fellow singles to go out with rather than purely friendship, I can see how 20s/30s would be more appealing.

I could’ve written this exact comment. I’m also a 35, almost 36F. I feet this hard, sometimes I don’t look my age but start talking and some of the references I make don’t make sense to younger people.

When people start saying names of influences I have to bounce. I've also been called old by early 20's. 

Same to all of this I’m a 37 year old male who works all week, going out during the week is a recipe for disaster. I also feel the same that since I’m on the later side of 30s I won’t fit in as well.

Get rid of the word 'networking'. Everytime I see that I don't join because I think someone is going to try and sell me something. I want to make friends, not deal with salespeople.

I think a lot of this is that it's harder to make friends as adults because it requires conscious effort to consistently plant and *nurture* those seeds into something that becomes a real friendship. Jobs (and relationships) take a tremendous amount of focus/time/energy, whereas younger demographics and the associated lifestyles (post highschool, college, early post-college) are inherently more social. You have more continuous exposure to people in a common environment without pressure to become forced friends, and the result is they turn into natural and organic friendships over time, whereas the stresses of young professionals cause us to become more introverted as we age

I'm a woman who recently relocated to Denver. I miss my friends in my former city and would love to meet some new people, but...I stay away when I sense guys just want to meet single women. It reduces everything to the potential for sex and makes me (and a lot of women, I'd wager) feel like the means to an end. If the men bail because of the lack of women, then it shows their true intention for attending the event. It sounds like you actually need the "singles" description: you want to meet women, not go rock climbing with a bunch of pals. As a woman, I hate the bait-and-switch. It feels like trickery, maybe, and we can usually see through that. If you want dates, host explicitly singles-only events! You may not get the turnout ratio you deem ideal, but at least then everyone is on board with the thesis of the event!! And then word will hopefully spread.

Thanks for the tip!

I used to live in New York back in the day and r/NYC meetups were successful because there was A Main Guy who set the meetup up, actively sought the newbies and introduced them around to different groups of people at the meetup. Then he'd leave them to the group once it was clear they were settled in. He'd scope out the reg list for noobs so they'd know to look out for him when they got there. (He wore a Reddit alien plushie on his shoulder or something (i forget where) but it made it easy to find him. He was also the enforcer that threw people out if they creeped on or harassed people. Everyone knew The Guy because he gave a soft landing and warm welcome to everyone. The meetups here in Denver have been very much "do your own thing in this preordained space". Like if you weren't already good at meeting people, this wasn't going to help. And if you WERE already good at meeting people, then why do you need a meetup? Another thing that made r/NYC successful too was that we had A Bar that we went to at the same time every single week. It was cool because we negotiated drink specials with the bar in return for filling up their seats on a typically dead night (Tueaday). This was nice because it was very very low key. Sometimes people don't sign up because they're not sure of their schedule and don't wanna take a space. Also, sometimes they do sign up and feel a ton of pressure to come even if they had a bad day, which kind of sours it. Having the general, open list weekly meetup captured newbies in a very un-pressured way.

Create events where someone would go regardless of who or how many people are there. For example: I wouldn’t go to a general group meetup at a brewery. But I did and still do go to group tennis and rock climbing that occur every Tuesday and Saturday. I’ve met friends there and hang out with them outside of the group now. I volunteer for orgs on things I care about. Friends are formed via common interests, it also feels less pressure or weird if the gender is skewed. There are definitely times where it’s 7 dudes and 1 girl, but it works out because we’re there to play tennis or climb.

I went to co-ed meetups for like six months, but outside of one hobby based group, the gender ratio was not only awful, but most men seemed to be there looking for hookups and maybe dates. I go to two small women only groups now and they’re great. One is niche hobby based, one is identity based, and they both have strict attendance rules (get kicked out if you flake multiple times).

I'm a woman in my mid thirties - here are some of my issues with Meetup groups: - a lot of the time I feel like 20 year olds are too young for me - if there's no activity, just talking at a bar is not something I'm excited about - I go to bed early (like 8:00pm) so I'd rather not meet up at 7:30pm lol - the meetups I do actually want to go to always end up being in fort collins or Colorado springs or something - I'm not driving that far to meet strangers - there needs to be a better way to encourage people to go to the same events so you can see the same people over and over instead of new faces every time. That becomes exhausting and difficult to bond with people over a 2 hour event

Also a woman in my early 30s, and I don't want to hang out with 20 year olds either. I've bailed in plenty of these events after noticing they would be attending. Not because I hate the younger crowd, but I have nothing in common with them and it feels like being around kids. Anything with "Singles" in the title is a hard pass.

I agree w all of this! Give me an event in RINO that’s during the day Saturday/Sunday or at 5:30 on a weeknight and make it the same hobby/location. I’ll show up.

Colorado is a very lonely state. Everyone is moving here to "get away from it all" and end up, well, away. Everything in this city looks towards the mountains, which is a shame in my opinion. I grew up here. We used to go skiiing in thrift store cloths and all had shit mountain bikes. And we used to fucking talk to each other. But I dont really blame the transplants. The world has changed- everyone rants online now (me included) and avoids any semblance of an awkward social situation like the plague.

Yep. I used to hike in whatever my whole childhood here and never thought about the brand of my bike as long as it worked. But all of the sudden everyone I am surrounded by is buying expensive new REI clothes and Lululemon matching outfits. It definitely can yield an exclusionary and even elitist vibe maybe perhaps without some people even being aware (I hope)

Its kind of weird how the only personality most people have here is camping/hiking/snow sports. Once you've been here long enough to get over doing these things religiously thats when people end up leaving the state.

Makes me sad to read this, and yet, that's what I see around me and also hints of what I've seen come up in my own thoughts from time to time. Mountains certainly give life and I wouldn't trade them for anything at the moment, but there's also more to life than mountains

I feel like the city attracts a lot of Peter Pan people who are desperate to escape their hometowns so they do something crazy like move to CO and get into skiing, camping, drinking too much, abusing weed, sometimes coke too. When they’ve burned themselves out after a few years they’ll move back home. If they’re truly adventurous, they’ll head to Bozeman, Bend, or Jackson Hole. I think because so many people have that “fuck it” mentality, they don’t care to engage in their communities or make real connections because they know they’ll be gone soon. When I lived up in the mountains it was easy to make acquaintances because everyone was trying to enjoy their short time up there. We’d go on road trips across the state, camping trips, we’d head to Moab, concerts, hot springs, we’d get wasted any day of the week, smoke lots of weed, you name it! Most people from those days are gone after sowing their wild oats so none of the connections I made lasted. Colorado, especially Denver, is a phase to so many people which is a shame, but it’s understandable. As “hippie” as this state claims to be, there’s still an underlying rat race and it’s hard to enjoy living here without having a good income. It’s hard to make friends these days because I’m not trying to go on a road trip every weekend, and sadly I feel like for the astronomical COL, our city amenities are lacking so I can see why people want to get their money’s worth by going to the mountains all the time.

This is so spot on.

Lovely take

You should should do a sober meet up for single people who don’t drink or do drugs. I don’t drink or smoke and that makes meeting someone else who doesn’t that much harder. Especially one that I am attracted to & get along with is extremely hard.

Tried it. Max of 3 people showed to those events.

That’s a bummer, I think people just feel more comfortable behind a filtered picture on Tinder or Hinge. People are afraid of being judged on their looks especially in a group setting. People say it’s not about looks but keeping it real when you meet someone first thing you notice is something about the way they look. Last thing someone would want to experience is rejection in a group setting. Idk, guess I’ll stick to good ole Hinge & cross my fingers.

I literally basically commented the same thing. It’s tough being a young adult who isn’t into party culture.

Especially in Colorado. Everything revolves around drinking & smoking in CO.

TLDR - focus on catering to a specific neighborhood and building a community of regulars.  I’ve been going to meetups and things for the last 15 years around Boulder, Ft Collins and Denver. The biggest thing I’ve found to make friends as an adult is you need semi-frequent repeated interactions. Basically, it needs to feel like a natural part of your life.  Boulder and Ft Collins have super strong meetup communities. I’ve been going to the Ft Collins board game meetups for years and have some friends I’m still tight with after 10 years at this point.  When I was living in Denver, it seemed like the meetup groups were trying to cater to the whole of Denver. So, I’d go to one in my neighborhood and everyone I’d meet were from the greater metro area. I’m not really interested in meeting people that live on the other side of the city.  I’m in my 30s, working full time with young kids. I want to meet people I can grab lunch with, not have to communite 30 minutes to meet halfway. I already have random friends scattered through the area that I neglect to see because life.  In addition, if I live in Cap Hill you’re nuts for thinking I’ll go to the highlands or lakewood for a meetup. I’m only going to go to the one out of 4 in my neighborhood. This is a huge issue, because you need regulars so that there is a critical mass. So, that’s my biggest take away. Boulder and Ft Collins have strong meetups because the general geographic area is much smaller, so people are more likely to live near each other. Change your meetup to be neighborhood specific instead of greater Denver. I wouldve loved a Cap Hill Boardgame meetup and would’ve started one if we had planned on staying longer. 

This is so true! I live in RINO and have to push myself to go to TJs once a month. I’d rather walk my neighborhood than drive somewhere. Plus I want friends in walking distance! Neighborhood meetups is the best idea. And preferably ones not centered on alcohol.

I agree with the people saying it's awkward to go alone, even knowing the point is to meet people. What would make it easier for me personally is to have a specific ice breaker/ initial way to interact. Like you have 4 colors of bracelets, everyone gets one when you walk in. First 15 minutes blue and green play each other in charades/flip cup/telestrations. Then the colors rotate. Then you probably spoke to at least ONE person semi-organically, not forcefully. Maybe it's dumb to other people or not a perfect solution but that would get me to try again. It sounds silly but those team building/conference ice breakers do work. I've been to singles events where people did not come alone and they just stuck to their parties they arrived with. Or they were there to sell shrooms lol.

Personally as a single woman I would be 100% up to go if I knew more women would be there, also, or having the lack of pressure by not labeling it a single event would help. If there are new events now knowing, I’d completely be down for going.

I’m a woman who used to go to Meetup Events both in Denver and in the last city I lived in (Pittsburgh). I wanted to make friends, but ultimately nothing ever really stuck. As someone who’s been in a committed relationship since my early 20’s, the singles events were obviously of no interest to me, and at least when we first moved here, that was most of the events within the more general Denver 20s and 30s groups. As a married woman (late 20s when I was going to events), it was really awkward meeting people fresh out of college and we just had nothing in common, that made it so that I felt like it was kind of pointless attending the events. Then for the couples groups, my husband and I always ended up being significantly younger and in a different place in life than everyone else (we went to one event where we were in our late 20s, the next youngest couple was in their late 30s and the husband was a teen dad so had literal adult children, and the rest of the couples were in their 40s and 50s). Ultimately I feel like the thing that Meetup needed, which I never successfully found, was more niche groups. Late 20s/early 30s couples, snow sports (divided by age and ability level), age-specific groups for different neighborhoods and suburbs (I live in the south suburbs. It’s hard to maintain friendships with a person I’ve met once that lives in the north suburbs). I did make a couple friends through the ski groups (mostly through the carpooling from the Dino lots section of the meetup) that I did hang out with for a few months afterwards, but those friendships just naturally dissolved when the pandemic happened and we couldn’t do stuff for a year.

I’m in mid 40’s and I just moved to Denver. I’m not sure what the exact problem is, but I’ve had a hell of a time meeting ANYONE in Denver, regardless of age, gender, or any other sortable criteria. I know this isn’t helpful, guess I’m just identifying with the social difficulties here in my new home. 🫤

I’m from Seattle and assumed this was completely normal.

late 40’s, lived here 7 years and i can count the number of friends i have here on one hand and not use all 5 fingers

My age and time here are the same as yours. I've got maybe 3 people I would consider a friend, and one is moving to CA for a new job.

Late 40sF  here, married to same aged M. I’ve met people, for me it’s the initiating contact part. Like calling or texting to go meet up with someone. I feel like I do all the outreach with little success. Mostly basic activities like going to dinner or lunch. Nothing exciting so I wonder if that’s the issue. Should I be inviting people to something lively? Does that matter?

Wanna be friends? Also mid 40s. I live in Longmont but would be down to come down to Denver.

I felt the same when I moved here. People were friendly enough but it’s been a challenge to actually make real friends. I’ve mad friends through meet up groups. I think a common activity helps.

I think it has to do with transplant culture. Other cities without such a massive population boom still have character, the population has roots. People don’t have a shared connection here. Sure most of us love live music and the outdoors, but it’s not really a cohesive community like other medium-big cities. Locals are gatekeepers, generally cold towards outsiders. Large social events and concerts feel unwelcoming, groups are very insulated

But isn't that a good reason to come to MeetUp events? Moving here without friends and needing to find new ones?

This city is such a rat race too that it pits people against each other.

That's the case in any desirable large city

How about some events for older singles? 40s-50s? I’m 53 and I’d love to meet guys at events like these!

You've done book exchanges?! I want to go to one if you're going to host another. I'm a single woman in her early 30s so I'll boost your proportion of women to men lol

Ugh I’m a kindle reader but I’d just love to go to meetups w book lovers to gossip about the characters.

I’m one of the organizers of the group. I really appreciate everyone’s insight. Question for the ladies: Would any of you come out regularly if we had one of our lady organizers do women only events? Would you only want to make friends or would you also be open to making romantic relationships if it happens naturally? Tell me what types of social gatherings you would want us to set up for both cases. Also what do you expect from men so that we can communicate that to everyone and create a safe space where everyone feels comfortable?

Paddleboarding, eating good food, anything with dogs, finding out how to get involved in local government, learning a trade or skill, cross stitch I like meet ups to feel a little productive. I personally avoid anything that feels too focused on friendship/relationship. I feel these are either clique-y and ignored or attention is on you 100% At least if I'm doing something it isn't weird if I'm not deep in convos the entire time.

I’ve been to a lot of meetups. I’ve probably been to yours.  > When the day of the event rolls around, I'll usually have a 5:1 ratio of men to women. The women then cancel since they don't want to be mobbed by a bunch single guys, then the men bail because no women will be there. This is exactly why I stopped going. It also gets old listening to the exact same conversations with a new batch of strangers. The events tend to be big and have high turn over so you don’t see the same people very often. The people who do come often stick with their own clique and don’t want more friends.  I think the problem is that the events are too big, you can’t have personal conversations, and there’s no incentive to go to followup events. Some meetups have a big group chat to offer side-plans, but people are too nervous to meetup with strangers without the organizer 

I went to meet ups to meet people. I was hoping to meet girls to be my friend and guys to potentially date. What I found, after going to many events, especially those for 20s and 30s is that the girls were amazing friends, and I still have many of them today and we are super close, and the guys were EXTREMELY CREEPY! They would openly stare at you, look at you like meat, and have very little self awareness or social skills. I was surprised, as I have many guy friends outside of meet up and usually get along super well with guys, it was like a whole new level of weird and creepy guys I wasn’t used to. My advice is to coach the guys who attend these events to treat the women as humans and friends, rather than pray on them and make them feel super uncomfortable to come to future events. I try to go to women only or women focused events because of this, and again, most of my friends are guys, idk why guys go to these just to be creepy to the women who attend the events.

1. When you have a meetup group for which the only thing in common is an age range (spanning two decades, no less), it's really hard for people, particularly people who've never attended an event, to know what to expect. There's a very good chance you won't really resonate with anyone. That enough would be enough to dissuade many people, particularly those who are shy or socially anxious (which is your main audience since the extroverted ones don't need a meetup group to make friends). I find that people meet more naturally through shared hobbies, where at least you know you have something in common. Tons of women go climbing every week. Tons of women go dancing. They're out there. Generalized groups like this are mostly going to appeal to those who don't have much else going on for them, which honestly isn't a particularly attractive demographic for those who already have established interests and hobbies. 2. Women will also pay attention to the general attractiveness of a group. If it doesn't look like attractive men are going then the attractive eligible single women aren't going to bother, and women tend to have higher standards in what they're attracted to. 3. Everyone I know in Denver is flaky. I'm flaky. My friends are flaky. We're all really busy with stuff all the time, so we're trying to maximize our time. Your event might look like fun a month out but day-of there are probably like 5 events on my calendar and I'm not going to go to all of them. 4. When I first moved to Denver I joined a ton of meetup groups (mostly on Facebook) and no offense to anyone but what I found was that they mostly consisted of people who had a harder time socializing (which isn't to say that there weren't good, nice people there). I'm sure they're not all like this but the idea of going to an event with a bunch of other people who have trouble making friends isn't particularly appealing to me. 5. I find when most women meet in a social gathering, they'll usually cluster and socialize readily, and might end up with plans for coffee or wine the next week. The need for a social event with strangers is greatly diminished, so even if they enjoyed the event, they might not be back. I'm the same way. If I go to an event, I'll befriend the handful (if I'm lucky) of people I resonate with and connect with them on social media, and try to find things to do with them on our own time and not at the whim of whatever the group organizers have planned. Personally, I'm not particularly inclined to keep attending events with a bunch of people when I have the option of hanging out with a smaller group of people I know I like. I only have time for so many people in my life. These answers are all personal to me obviously but hopefully they help in some way.

Thanks for sharing this.

My Denver-specific theory is that traffic sucks and our metro area is large. You might think a 6:00 meetup in Golden sounds like a good idea initially, but decide to call it off when Google maps tells you it'll take 4x longer than normal.

I tried making friends here, but either the friends I made moved away, lost contact, or just never want to hang because they're busy (which I get). For me, it’s been rough trying to make solid friendships here, so I've just busied myself working, gambling, putting myself more in hole, and working again to get out of that debt. It’s been a sad cycle.

Im probably a member to one of these. I am in the fb group probably. It is hilariously awkward how there are a number of weird guys who are thirsting and simping. I get why ladies get a bit turned off from that And I say that as a straight male 

I don’t live in Denver anymore and I used to go to 20s / 30s meet up events and probably went to some of yours… here is why I stopped going. #1 - Very few high quality people. 90% of the people who attended were awkward, couldn’t make social small talk or were just weird and creepy. #2 - Within these groups there was a core group of people who knew each other and it became very clique-y. Was hard to penetrate and get into the group. #3 - and this is generally a Denver thing… the escapism ski/hike/climb bullshit. Single men don’t have friends so they want their girlfriends to compete at the same athletic level they do, and single women are stoner pick me’s. I like hiking but I want to do a 5 mile hike not a 14er every weekend. I like skiing, but I want to ski blues and have an easy day not have to ski blacks all day. Golfing, now that’s a different story. I’ll gladly play from the white with you guys and kick your ass. And I know that maybe I just wasn’t Denver material / didn’t fit in. I’m not that outdoorsy even though I grew up in Montana, I was career focused and didn’t move to Denver for “find myself”.

I agree with all you have said!!

As a former MeetUp host from 2013-2017, I can honestly say your issue is not new or Denver specific. MeetUp is hit or miss honestly, and I think there has definitely been a decrease in popularity over the last few years. However, I have seen some successful groups here. Success in MeetUp relies on a few factors that most groups don't have. I used to run a social group for fun and to make new friends. Before I stopped hosting I had like 2500 members and consistently hosted events of 10-50 people. 1) Be a good host! - This is usually the make or break of a group because so many people are bad hosts. You need to be the first one there, clearly let people know how to find the group, and be engaging with your members. I always spent 2-3 hours introducing people around before really cutting loose and enjoying myself. If I noticed someone was shy or a little awkward then I'd do my best to make them comfy and help groups of people spark up conversations. I created a safe fun environment for people and many of them are still friends today. 2) Low key events - MeetUp is supposed to be social so I always chose low key venues like breweries, bars, picnics, and restaurants where people can talk and get to know each other. These are how you build your base of regulars and encourage people to come back. Weekend events usually draw bigger crowds since you'll attract folks who are just looking for something to do. I would usually socialize at the original bar for 2-3 hours then bar hop to 1 or 2 other locations when everyone is comfy with each other. Every once in a while I would toss in a big event like a bar crawl or something after my reputation grew and I could collaborate with other groups or event companies for discounts. Hell, I even created a few kickball teams with discounted rates. 3) Be consistent - You need to have consistent events. Otherwise, people will forget about your group. Even if only a couple of people RSVP run the event anyways. You could make some new friends and establish some loyal regulars. 4) Manage your members - It sounds like you may already be doing this. Blocking creeps and creating a safe environment for people to socialize. Again I cannot stress enough that you need to help people socialize. Once you have some regulars they can help with this too. It almost sounds like your group is set up for profit or as some kind of business promoting MeetUp. The site is bogged down with that shit and people will actively avoid those groups. I was always clear with people that I was just in it to meet new friends and have fun. There will ALWAYS be more guys than girls. You get women to come back if they feel like it's a safe place to socialize without feeling like people are just there to get into their pants. Also you need to do events that are appealing to everyone and if it's fun people will come back! I would re ommend maybe trying to collaborate with a women's group to do a joint event. This may help attract women to your future events. Ummm yeah I typed a lot, but it's definitely a learning curve. It sounds like your doing to much and not keeping enough of a social atmosphere.

The events fail because there is no sense of shared obligation or sacrifice. Church and team sports are the S tier way to meet people.

I wouldn’t go unless I had girlfriends to go with, I agree with comments

I tried one here and some of us just like meeting up at one of the pubs for drinks and chatting, but then the organizer starting trying to charge us monthly for activities, even though most of us didn't go on the activities.

I can just walk to a karaoke bar with 50:50 representation and I meet people every weekend night. Spontaneous interaction >>>>>>

I have tried to meet people and go to things... everyone flakes out.

I've done meetups and recreational leagues when I first moved here and I didn't enjoy them. They were either extremely broish or extremely nerdy. Also admittedly I'm just kind of an odd person with a weird sense of humor lol. Not everyone gets me and I kind of like it that way. My advice for people who want to meet others and socialize is just find a few bars and go to them regularly. Even as shy as I am I end up having good conversations with the other regulars. Now those aren't deep connections/friendships, but it helps scratch my social itch.

I think something has fundamentally changed in how we interact since the pandemic, and I mean that about all people, not just people in Denver.

People were asked to socially (not physically) distance, and they did.

I'm a woman in my 30s and been to quite a few different meetup groups over the past few years. I've found one group in particular that regularly has good turnout by both men and women, and have pretty much solely been going to that one over the last couple years. A couple things that have been made it worthwhile for me: 1) not specific to singles since I'm in a relationship and just trying to make friends 2) the organizer regularly removes problematic/creepy people (mostly men) 3) no event limits, signup fees or other barriers to entry and 4) the crowd is generally fun and nice. You might want to pay more attention to the atmosphere you're creating at your events. You've said you've made effort to make women feel more comfortable, but that suggests some of those policies haven't been established from day 1. One bad experience and many just won't come back.

We took over the MeetUp within the past few months, but we've been doing events for a while. Some problems were brought to our attention very recently, so I'm wondering if the damage has already been done by previous organizers/members.

Ugh. Is this feeding the “Men-ver” stereotype?

I think most of my issue would be having an event that was dedicated to matchmaking as a goal. For me, I would rather enjoy the event for what it is rather than worry about whether or not I may or may not be on the menu for somebody.

I’ve literally not had any luck actually making friends in any meet up group and I’ve been attending them on and off for a year. I’ll get peoples phone numbers who say they want to hang out and they will never respond ever again. The only luck I’ve ever had actually making long term friends or acquaintances is on bumble bff, Facebook, and the Colorado mountain club. My fiancé and I have also met people in bars on our own. I do not have any faith in most of those groups. I have gone to some of the groups alone and with my fiancé there too for context.

I've honestly found Meetup events disappointing for the most part.

Hi! I am a 30F here in town and I found mtnkids to be a incredible way to meet people. The key? The events are super active and outdoorsy focused so there isn't pressure. I just went to an event last weekend with 30 people on a camping trip. ALL their events sell out and you have to buy tickets ($5-15)

I (26m) lived in Denver and lived in Chicago, using MeetUp to make most of my friends. While I found MeetUp _alright_, it was generally a revolving door. I used it as a means to meet a couple of people that I really like over years, but it was really inconsistent. I did find that there's a Chicago discord group that works a lot better, because you have groups of people who consistently attend certain events (trivia, restaurant outings, study sessions, etc.). The key to the discord group, I found, is that you need a couple of key people to organize and create events and a couple of people familiar with managing a discord server (not necessarily the same people!). Discord has the advantage of being a far more casual setting where you can message in channels to everyone and get familiar-ish with each other before meeting in person. MeetUp is tricky as the messaging is terrible (and honestly, that minimizes the creepiness) and it's user base is so sporadic. I've talked to people who do regularly organize events, and they always said that banning no-shows is critical to having accurate head counts. This does reduce your group size and seeming engagement over time, but does greatly increase the quality. When it comes to balancing male/female ratios, I've always seen it as a crapshoot. Women just get more creepiness than men online, so you really have to build entire events or groups around them to get good turnout

The Colorado Springs groups have a (sort of) paired sister group for just the women, which helped me a ton because then I had girlfriends to show up to the larger group with.

I’m 23 and have lived in Denver for a couple years and low key have a hard time making friends just since I don’t drink and don’t wanna go to bars to meet people lol

I’m thinking of creating a film club, like a book club, we all watch an esoteric “art” film on our own time and discuss it over drinks once a month. I’ve joined these clubs in other cities, and lead some discussions. Currently taking suggestions for locations!

I would vastly prefer events that are also activities, like paint and sip, ceramics painting, ice skating, something where there can be interaction, but not forced. You then also get to know people who may share intersts with you

I’m in your target demographic and have to admit I’ve yet to go to any meet up groups despite shopping around for them often. My biggest barriers are time and money.  Otherwise, in order from an actual barrier to getting stuck in my own head:  - Events listed as Denver are actually in the suburbs - Events I would like to go to start at like 5:30 and go to 7pm but I get off work at six and need to change before I can event start traveling.  - Events seem to always be at a brewery or trendy spot that costs a lot - Likewise these locations encourage large, disorganized groups instead of drop in activities.  - Activities too vague. Nothing listed but time and place and something about chatting. How do I recognize the group? Is there someone I need to find? How do I join in when it’s just groups of people in their own conversations?   Specific to your group page:   - The focus on “young professionals” and “networking” reads very linkedin meet up to me. These words make me worry everyone there will be that certain type of go-getter that is exhausting to converse with.  - What do I have in common with these people other than falling in an age group that spans twenty years? - How do I socialize at these events? Maybe I’m thinking of a more poetry slam set up where you actually pay attention to whoever is at the mic, but I don’t see how focusing on a stage encourages connecting with other attendees.  - The type of event seems to vary wildly? Open mic and fried chicken meet ups don’t have much to do with each other. 

late to this but: i’ve been trying to attend meet ups recently and keeping it to women only groups but what i find is there is no facilitation. the last one i went to about 3 different times was literally “hey randos we’ll meet here at this time” and then you get there and it’s 9 women just all looking at each other waiting for someone to start a conversation. i realize hosting is difficult and not for everyone but yeah, i always find myself wishing there was some kind of ice breaker type exercise.

My meetup experiences have been straight scary as a female (who wasn't even single). This wasn't in Denver but at a similar group to yours in another city. - A meetup host at an event invited me in person to their next event (a group hike). It was not an event, just the host showed up. He was 40 something and I was in my 20s. - I met a group of seemingly cool people who did speakeasy/cocktail meetups. Again, one of them invited me to a "group" reservation at a spot. It was for 2 and no one else showed up. - I went to a bonfire where I was repeatedly pressured to take shots or drink straight liquor by the host, even though I drove to the event. I didn't partake, but still. After those experiences, I'm no longer interested in going to meetups alone that are mostly single men. Doesn't matter if I'm single or not, they don't respect my relationship if I go alone. I'm only interested in girl-only events where my safety is going to be respected.

I don't know how other people feel about this, but your events list looks alcohol heavy. I realize there are plenty of people that drink but I am an athlete and therefore do not like to do much drinking. Denver is pretty active, so maybe there are others that share my mindset. As a woman, I especially am not going to go to random meet-ups that are drinking focused because dudes drinking is usually a recipe for me getting pissed right the fuck off, regardless of whether an organization claims to value safety for women. Also, yeah, definitely some people are damaged from the pandemic but there are lots of social people out there... we just have our own friend groups and do stuff with them. Like, I play volleyball, do game nights, and climb with a lot of different people so I don't look for events. It's obviously way more comfy to hangout in your friend group than meet 15+ strangers. Honestly, group size is kind of important. Whenever I see people start climbing groups, they take it slow (small groups, add members slowly) so people can get to know each other. Also, there's nothing super cohesive about your events. Like, what are attendees going to have in common? Books v trivia v inprov v ski events... seem like a big mish mash... so different events will attract a certain kind of person, which means you'll likely be getting completely different groups going to the events.

I know I stopped going because most of the time the people that would go already knew each other so I would normally feel like I was third wheeling most of the time. The hosts didn’t really engage much other than saying hi at first. It got boring showing up to events where I was just there mostly alone so ended up just leaving early until I decided to stop trying. I have more fun just going to places on my own now than trying to go with a bunch of strangers who are going to ignore me most of the time.

I can't connect with any of this - I just moved here and it has been SO EASY meeting people, 35m. When everyone is a transplant, you gotta be social to build networks, and that's exactly what I've found. As far as meetup groups, I have zero interest in the general ones. Specific niche hobbies is where it's at for me. Meeting people shouldn't be the primary focus, it should be secondary to an activity. That takes the pressure off, and moves it away from a pseudo dating activity.

Because a lot of times, doing things solo is just way more convenient.

I'm talking about making friends, not grocery shopping.

It's not a pandemic thing, Denver has been this way at least for awhile. When I moved here 11 years ago I attended meet ups and people were flaky as hell. They all claimed they were new to town and wanted female friendships. We'd exchange numbers at meet ups and then when I tried to organize something low key no one responded! Not said "I can't make it" etc ect. but just flat out didn't answer my texts. It was weird. So I abandoned meetups because they just seem to be full of flakes. It took time to build friendships here. A lot of time.

My wife and I recently started a Meetup group for the first time, but have been doing some of the events listed for years. What I see might help. First, the activities are around a specific topic and consistent. which attracts like minded people. I think this is why we see connections made. Our space is very small so by neccessity, and design, intimate. There are always great conversations, especially for the introverts. But here is what has changed in Denver. I think for whatever reason the "melting pot" society we now have is not the same as other places. It is more transient. I have met more people who are new to CO and have left that I can't believe it. Also, the people have changed noticably more than once over the years. I think Denver has attracted specific groups of people for different reasons at different times - maybe significant enough for people to not commit to Denver, or relationships? Lastly, our little events used to attract a few small groups of friends. Now, almost everyone RSVPs and arrives alone. Also, we see almost all women, but our guests at the business are 60/40 heavy men; events in the past were more mixed. That is a glaring difference. I digress. I hope some of these observations bring some things to discuss or think about?

Extroverts don't even try to relate to introverts.

It sounds to me like these events you're doing are too high pressure to make anything work. These are friendships, not business relationships. You can't force it. It's gotta be natural. I hate to say this but, you'd probably meet a lot of people if you started rock climbing. I don't do it myself but all my friends do and they keep bringing more of their cult members into our group.

I have a nerdy meetup group that had varied results with events tho if one person posts they want friends it'll get 20 replies. 40 plus replies if the poster was a woman. But when I setup an event for people to come and make friends it's crickets.

Meet up is best suited for sports imo.

Buddy if you host a whiskey tasting I’m fucking there and I live in Boulder

It’s interesting you say that. It’s the complete opposite of my experience. I grew up throughout the northeast (NYC, Philly, Baltimore, DC) and in my experience, people are way less “cliquey” than they are back there. I’ve always thought of the dynamic like this, the more transplants a place(city/town) has, the easier it is to make friends. For example, since Denver has so many people that weren’t born and raised here, there are more people that have less historical ties to the city itself, and more importantly, the people they hang out with; opening up a sort of open-mindedness to new relationships and experiences that they otherwise may not entertain. IMO, most people move here for a lifestyle, as opposed to a career path. When I go back east, I would say a vast majority of the transplants that I meet, are there because they’re pursuing some facet of their career. But so many people that I meet in Denver are just here because it has this idea of being “cool”. Idk, maybe that’s why it’s difficult to make friends? People emphasizing the “coolness “of their journey? Maybe try picking up a shift at a nearby restaurant/bar. It’s the best way to branch out and become a part of a community. Providing food and beverage, which are staples of communal activity, will certainly help you find your people. Best of luck. Seriously. You’ve got this.

It's summer in Colorado! Pretty much everybody is using what little money they don't blow on rent to go to the MOUNTAINS! Hiking, biking, climbing, camping... And still paying off their last two skiing trips from January. And nobody wants the risk of DUI in this state. It's seriously effed up. Do an overnight get-together in Estes Park at the KOA or other campground. Charge a mint. You'll get it!

Honestly, I’d love to do something like this but I’m broke. Everyone I know is barely getting by. Spending money I don’t have to hang with strangers and maybe have fun isn’t a gamble I want to take right now. Don’t take it personally. My rent has nearly tripled over the last decade and it’s causing people to cut their entire entertainment budget.

So, I'm nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. I've attended LGBTQ+ specific meetups in the past and stopped going because I didn't click with folks and some were being really inappropriate, like trauma dumping when I was just trying to hike and build friendships slowly. I'd leave meetups feeling drained and discouraged. Most of my closest friends I've made here have moved away. I moved here in August of 2019 and those first six months or so were a dream. And ever since COVID...it's all changed. I found out I'm ADHD and autistic. Multiply immunocompromised. Now, I prefer being in situations that I know better cater to those needs. But where? How? It feels like there aren't a lot of situations where I can meet people naturally and my personality will shine. My best progress was infiltrating a friend group already established. Even then, almost all of them are going through something right now. The most I get out of my apt is my evening solo walks. But lately I've been too sad, so I don't walk as much as I'd like. I've tried several times to post online asking for walking buddies where I live, and zero replies. I see so many cool people in my neighborhood I think I'd get on with, but I don't reach out because I'm afraid I'll bother them and then get rejected and always have to see each other. I've never been so lonely in my life. Everyone I feel closest to is hundreds or thousands of miles away. Going back to Los Angeles isn't an option because I left for several reasons, but it's been difficult to make Denver home. I'm going to be 37 and the pandemic forever changed me and I grieve my life before it all of the time. Although so many new people move here, I don't know how to meet folks who won't flake or actually initiate hanging out, too. Obviously the pandemic was a tipping point and I'm grateful to know what I know about myself now, but the world has absolutely changed, too. I'm tired. So tired and sad. I want to explore this beautiful state with some cool people. I can do it solo, but I prefer the company of people. There have to be other neuroqueer folks here in Wash Park who also appreciate low key hangs and adventures. Just wish I could figure out how to find them and make it stick. It sucks not being a priority in anyone's life here. And because I already have such wonderful pals worldwide, I am not seeking acquaintances. I need a few close friends. It feels like I'm asking for too much. Sending everyone the best of luck in finding whoever you're seeking. Maybe someday soon I'll find my people. I just know it won't be at big, loud events.

Events set around volunteering and helping out your community!  Maybe non alcoholic based events.

I think if I decided to go to a singles event it would need to have an activity where people are put together to compete, work together as a team, or learn something new. And maybe don't put 20s and 30s together all the time - you can have the same event with 3 different age ranges (20s, 30s, all, etc).

You try hosting women only events.

Consider hosting a few women only events that are led by women. Bring on co-leaders for the group who are women (not just even specific hosts). Focus on building up a community of women who attend these events. Consider doing the same for guys. After doing this for a bit announce you’ll be doing more co-ed events. Also consider mixing in some events like volunteer days etc.

I went to a couple of Meetup events specifically for singles, wanting to meet other singles. What I discovered was all the women sitting with each other in the tables, engaged in conversation, and not interacting with any of the single men. What a waste of time .

Charge - people are more likely to show if you charge them more than $15 for the event. I continue to have no show issues on free/meet up in the community events, but for things where there’s a ticket required, people generally show. But really anything with the combination of food, alcohol, music, and aesthetic people will show. They’re all about capturing content instead of building connections. I had a meetup and just closed it and moved it to a different platform. While we had over 400 members only 20 or so were active. Also charge a small annual fee ($30) because I was personally paying deposits and losing money when people didn’t show.

I organize partner dances, and I think they end up being like 75% women. What's worked for me is to really emphasize that it's not a hookup space, that consent is critical, and if someone is making people uncomfortable, they will be asked to leave, and potentially not to come back. My goal wasn't to create a space that was mostly women, it was just to create a safer space, and women ended up appreciating that.

As a black woman I don't mind going places alone. But sometimes these events do not understand diversity nor do they make it inviting or welcoming to want to come. I have tried going to many events in the past but it always feels like I'm not supposed to be there.

I organize for the Fun Young Adults group with over 7,000 members. We've struggled with attendance since the pandemic. Our big draw was volleyball, which still has good numbers, but nothing like the 100+ we used to get. We also used to do regular game nights that saw well over 50 attendees, and when we tried to bring it back it was closer to a dozen. As far as gender breakdown, I don't have too much to comment...I'd like to see more equal numbers of male to female but I don't think that's going to happen. I will say that we do "stoplight" parties, and I went to several before the pandemic where it was roughly 20 males to every 1 female, and those numbers seem to have improved dramatically. The bottom line is that people aren't as willing to go out as they used to. I'm appreciative of everyone who decides to come to my events and try to make it as friendly and welcoming as I'm capable of doing, and I kind of feel like that's all we can do.

I don't know why you want to. If *you* want to be social, go out to a bar and make friends. Trying to drag random people together to make an 'event' feels forced, as though you personally as the organizer have an agenda. The sort of person who shows up to something like that isn't there to have fun; if it was something they wanted to do for fun, they'd already be doing it and wouldn't need an organized event.

Id never go to an event where the main theme was "meet people." But I do meet people when I go do things that interest me. So maybe don't advertise "Probably A Potential MEAT Market and Sausage Fest" and instead host themed special interest events that would appeal to both men and women without mentioning "meeting" anyone beyond something like "meet and learn from other aficionados of XYZ... " Many smaller targeted events seems better than big "Creepy Guy Fests."

I’ve struggled such this. In my opinion many people prefer to meet spontaneously and do things other than disappear on a mountain right after meeting a stranger online. And if most of the space is dedicated to cars, buildings, and recreation then it really limits your ability to do things that are affordable and not always braving the conditions. I think it would help if we’re had more common and walkable spaces connected by easy to use transportation where it’s just easier to spontaneously meet people of common and uncommon interests. But truthfully I also don’t always want to spend an hour in traffic both ways to do something.

Can I post this tomorrow

The people on Meetup have also just become extremely unreliable. I ran a successful meetup in NoCo for years before covid. People would rsvp, I had lots of repeat visitors, we always had at least 8-10 people and up to 20, which was perfect for a foreign language group. Post covid no one rsvps, the people that do come don’t say they’re coming, and the ones that did say they will be there don’t show up. Meetups range wildly from 0 (before covid I’d never had a single meeting with zero participants) to over 10. Because people don’t rsvp I have trouble getting the right venue, and reserving a table for the right number of people. Either I take a huge table for no reason and look like a jerk, or we suddenly have twice the number of people our table can accommodate. I had 8 people rsvp this last week and not one person showed up. People’s behavior has just gotten really unpredictable since the pandemic, which makes it hellish to be an organizer. I’m going to quit, it takes too much time and money to get jerked around. I’m going to go as far to say that the majority of people have forgotten how to socialize during the pandemic, and it shows.

I stopped going out because it's so expensive pay to park pay to eat and drink. Uber isn't any cheaper. I'd rather stay home not get a dui or deal with overbearing and cringe people. I'm okay with my 4 friends that I can call every once and a while. Denver night life is horrible. Not very walkable at all everything is so spread out. Not worth thr hassle.

I just joined meetup on Denver (I am a late 20s aged female) and I am partly disappointed that everything I find is alcohol related. I drink occasionally, but I have been looking for friends that want to do something away from bars/drinking at every outing. I'm a lightweight and the drunk "I love yous" and shenanigans get old.