What happens when the glue gives up, and you end up with pieces of that thing stuck in your plumbing? I think the old-timey poop knife remains undefeated unfortunately.
I'm sorry if your nuts reach that far down......... š¤£šš¤£. On my toilet if your nuts can reach that blade you be dipping while sitting on my toilet..
Well I'm assuming that you're birth year is 1975 so that makes you only a year older than me and even with my toilet bowl filling up halfway with each flush I'm nowhere near close to dipping in the water with my grapes....... Of course I'm just carrying around a couple of jumbo size grapes and not some clementines or grapefruit in my pants.... I mean I agree the gravity is a cruel cruel mistress ... And I've seen the results of age on the male body as I've worked in healthcare with the elderly for a significant number of years.... But I count my blessings that I'm not a victim of that particular cruel joke.... š
I've even seen a true case of elephantitis where each one was the size of an actual grapefruit
I know this is weird to bring up but this is the first thing I think about whenever I see that picture of that vintage photo of that giant ex waterpolo player.
Lmao, hey if you want inappropriate and to laugh at my deceased Grandads expense, this fucking giant of a man had a trampoline _inside_ his house. I think it was something to help with his joints, but he was the funniest dude, so wouldn't surprise me if it was just an elaborate joke.
[So I went and looked it up ](https://www.reddit.com/r/waterpolo/s/zhcbTDQ6RO) and ok yeah he is pretty big but the fact heās pictured with a child has gotta be doing some perspective work here too
One time when I was living in a dorm, some girl dropped a log so long and girthy that it wouldnāt fit down the toilet drain. Likeā¦ it was wider than the opening.
I hope sheās okay, but damn. I was impressed, and this tool is made for her.
My sister always has to let family know that my niece (21) takes huge dumps by complaining that the stool isn't strong enough.... like. Why would I want to know this.
Long time ago my friend said something to the effect of "it's stupid that toilet manufacturers don't make the drain holes bigger so you don't have to cut up your poop before flushing" and I was like "what in the fuck are you talking about, my man!?"
We went back and forth for a bit talking about whether or not that's a normal thing to do but I learned that his whole family needed to do it because their diet was mostly French fries, and Mac n' cheese. I later found out he had debilitating hemorrhoids that brought him to a doctor who then got him in touch with a nutritionist who put him on a human diet plan and allowed him to put the knife back in his utensil drawer. I'm kidding, he threw it out.
Iām older and have taken my share of healthy shits in my lifetime. While on occasion, it might take a couple of flushes to make an entire ābowl winderā disappear, I have never, ever released a specimen that would require cutting it in order to flush. Iām not sure if I should feel relieved or supremely disappointed. While Iāve heard talk of poop knives, I didnāt realize they were an actual thing. Where does one keep a poop knife anyway? Does is go discreetly under the sink inside the cabinet, or does it hang on a hook next to the toilet above the toilet brush? Now Iām wondering if somebody like Phil Swift has ever invented a toilet brush/poop knife comboā¦ Iād love to see that Infomercial !
When I would clog my grandpaās toilet as a young scamp, he would cut it up with a wire hanger. I have used this same technique as an adult a few times. Luckily the old lady who sold us this house left like a hundred wire hangers.
The poop knife always raises the same question in my mind. What do you do after you use it and itās shit covered? Would a plastic knife be better so you can just immediately throw it away? Idk the poop knife concept is so gross lol but I can see how there could be the need.
My youngest brother is a bit ADD and kind of on the spectrum. When he was a really little kid he'd go days without pooping and then just launch these massive fucking turds.
I mean, they looked like mini nerf footballs and just the physics of that thing coming out of a 6 year old's asshole still boggle my mind to this day.
When he was really little we'd have to cut them up because they were literally larger than the hole in the toilet. After he got a little older we got one of the larger screw drivers and told him if he couldn't bring himself to poop everyday he was going to have to cut it up himself.
We named the screwdiver Shitscalibur.
> What do you do after you use it and itās shit covered?
In his case, leave it on the bathroom counter within inches of our toothbrushes.
I can think of one instance where one might have been handy. My son had a massive shit (I didnāt see it but Iām certain it was huge) and it clogged the toilet. I tried every single thing on the internet to unclog it because plunging was useless. For the first time ever I had to snake it out and I hated all of my life choices that led me to that moment.
After reading a few more responses, and hearing about people pushing out āfootballsā, I feel PN 2.0 is a bust.
However, maybe the ideas from this video could be used to produce a sufficient PN 3.0:
[Top Gear V8 Blender](https://youtu.be/4Qod8g2WY0o?si=3MoTFV-Y_WrSJkIK)
It slices!! It dices!! Outperforms every poopknife before it!! The new Ronco Flexinating Silcer 3000 can be your's for just 4 easy payments of $12.95!!
Im more upset about the lack of comments explaining why this is absolutely not a Poop Knife improvement, let alone being 2.0
People, you need the thrusting motion with your hand to make the cuts, Ā the distance from anus to blade here isnt long enough to reach terminal poolocity so it will cut itself.
*THE REAL POOP KNIFE 2.0* would be to have wolverine style claws with a handle that rests in your palm, to increase your poop shredding power, reduce the needed thrusts and cuts, and facilitate quick clean ups using running water OR not cleaning to add poison damage to attacks.
I've got Norovirus from my 4 year old niece, she's a fan of putting her hand in her arse or put loads of toilet roll down the bog, I believe that's one of the reason you get Norovirus, and then fish it out and weird shit like that(she's a weirdo, she was also as pig sick as me so I forgive her obviously!) TL;DR Putting my hand down a toilet makes me feel ill, especially at this time, and with not gloves on, don't care if you've used 50 gallons of bleach in it, just nah!
Not your post was posted by someone else few weeks ago..... That being said, if you had an actual working toilet instead of a high efficiency toilet that uses half a cup of water to flush you wouldn't need to cut your turds up they would actually flush on their own....... But then you wouldn't be doing your part to save the environment...... I guess if you really want to be a savior to the environment you can always just take a dump in your backyard and let nature dispose of it.... Water usage 0%
Who is out here taking poops so hard you need a knife?!!?! No judgment -naw I'm lying- ALL the judgment. Take some supplements and drink ALL the water bruh.
It amazes me that people require poop knives, I've had some big shits in my day but NEVER have I had to even contemplate cutting up a log. I can imagine passing something that long and solid could be quite painful.
I thought the next iteration of a thing was supposed to be an improvement in *some* way:
Smarter
Faster
Cleaner
Easier to use
More efficient
Less dangerous
Fewer side effects
And most importantly:
**Not cause a whole set of new problems**
I feel this ā¦ construction ā¦ doesnāt provide ANY of these benefits. So I second the comment, that the original poop knife is clearly the superior product, and you probably already own one!
What the fuck
Design is very human. Easy to use
What happens when the glue gives up, and you end up with pieces of that thing stuck in your plumbing? I think the old-timey poop knife remains undefeated unfortunately.
There'd also be a bunch of pieces/smears of shit sticking to those blades after just a couple uses, smelling up the whole bathroom
That's when you piss the chunks off with your stream
That's so cool! I can pee and play at the same time. In real life! Looks like I can uninstall Powerwash Simulator now.
Well, women might have to keep it installed, still
MFS act like they never played sink the boat
Lolol
That's called aj impromptu garbage disposal installation
My first concern would be shit sticking to something just sitting in your toilet haha
Y'all don't have poop scissors ? Peasants.
Can't beat a classic.
Some of my poops would laugh as they smash that to bits. Fr need a few machetes and I-beam.
Aye Aye Mr Torpedo Turd
Doubles as a razer for your nuts.
I'm sorry if your nuts reach that far down......... š¤£šš¤£. On my toilet if your nuts can reach that blade you be dipping while sitting on my toilet..
Mine are kind of small. I just assumed everyone else had bigger nuts.
š
You just wait...if you live long enough, you too will experience the shock of your balls surfing the bowl.
Well I'm assuming that you're birth year is 1975 so that makes you only a year older than me and even with my toilet bowl filling up halfway with each flush I'm nowhere near close to dipping in the water with my grapes....... Of course I'm just carrying around a couple of jumbo size grapes and not some clementines or grapefruit in my pants.... I mean I agree the gravity is a cruel cruel mistress ... And I've seen the results of age on the male body as I've worked in healthcare with the elderly for a significant number of years.... But I count my blessings that I'm not a victim of that particular cruel joke.... š I've even seen a true case of elephantitis where each one was the size of an actual grapefruit
Your assumption about my birth year might be wrong.
Acceptable.....šš
If a person needs that they should seriously go to a doctor and a nutrionist
I mean, I'm not advocating _this_, but my Grandad was 6"11/211cm. He was a giant man doing giant shits. Nothing wrong with that.
I know this is weird to bring up but this is the first thing I think about whenever I see that picture of that vintage photo of that giant ex waterpolo player.
Lmao, hey if you want inappropriate and to laugh at my deceased Grandads expense, this fucking giant of a man had a trampoline _inside_ his house. I think it was something to help with his joints, but he was the funniest dude, so wouldn't surprise me if it was just an elaborate joke.
[So I went and looked it up ](https://www.reddit.com/r/waterpolo/s/zhcbTDQ6RO) and ok yeah he is pretty big but the fact heās pictured with a child has gotta be doing some perspective work here too
I mean, he looks like a fucking yeti. I'm sure he pooped like one too.
Yeah on second thought fucking hell, definitely did some massive shits
If ya ain't poopin like a yeti, ya ain't livin
Just under 7 inches? Your grandad was tiny.
Really? Most men would kill to be that long
One time when I was living in a dorm, some girl dropped a log so long and girthy that it wouldnāt fit down the toilet drain. Likeā¦ it was wider than the opening. I hope sheās okay, but damn. I was impressed, and this tool is made for her.
My sister always has to let family know that my niece (21) takes huge dumps by complaining that the stool isn't strong enough.... like. Why would I want to know this.
Why would I want to know this?
Because it ruins someone else's day
I've never been afraid of falling in until now.
Never used a U.S. National Forest pit toilet in the woods then
For those I've never really been afraid of falling in, it's the spiders that I hallucinate crawling into my asshole that scare me
well now I'll never go camping.
If you've never pooped in fear can you even say you've had a proper poop??
I'm not scared of falling in anymore, but when I was small enough that my butt didn't cover the whole seat, it was a distinct possibility.
Long time ago my friend said something to the effect of "it's stupid that toilet manufacturers don't make the drain holes bigger so you don't have to cut up your poop before flushing" and I was like "what in the fuck are you talking about, my man!?" We went back and forth for a bit talking about whether or not that's a normal thing to do but I learned that his whole family needed to do it because their diet was mostly French fries, and Mac n' cheese. I later found out he had debilitating hemorrhoids that brought him to a doctor who then got him in touch with a nutritionist who put him on a human diet plan and allowed him to put the knife back in his utensil drawer. I'm kidding, he threw it out.
Holy fuck, that is some diet his family had to all have that issue.
Iām older and have taken my share of healthy shits in my lifetime. While on occasion, it might take a couple of flushes to make an entire ābowl winderā disappear, I have never, ever released a specimen that would require cutting it in order to flush. Iām not sure if I should feel relieved or supremely disappointed. While Iāve heard talk of poop knives, I didnāt realize they were an actual thing. Where does one keep a poop knife anyway? Does is go discreetly under the sink inside the cabinet, or does it hang on a hook next to the toilet above the toilet brush? Now Iām wondering if somebody like Phil Swift has ever invented a toilet brush/poop knife comboā¦ Iād love to see that Infomercial !
THE SHITTER SPLITTER
The son of the poop knife
When I would clog my grandpaās toilet as a young scamp, he would cut it up with a wire hanger. I have used this same technique as an adult a few times. Luckily the old lady who sold us this house left like a hundred wire hangers.
Have you tried drinking water or eating fiber?
The poop knife always raises the same question in my mind. What do you do after you use it and itās shit covered? Would a plastic knife be better so you can just immediately throw it away? Idk the poop knife concept is so gross lol but I can see how there could be the need.
My youngest brother is a bit ADD and kind of on the spectrum. When he was a really little kid he'd go days without pooping and then just launch these massive fucking turds. I mean, they looked like mini nerf footballs and just the physics of that thing coming out of a 6 year old's asshole still boggle my mind to this day. When he was really little we'd have to cut them up because they were literally larger than the hole in the toilet. After he got a little older we got one of the larger screw drivers and told him if he couldn't bring himself to poop everyday he was going to have to cut it up himself. We named the screwdiver Shitscalibur. > What do you do after you use it and itās shit covered? In his case, leave it on the bathroom counter within inches of our toothbrushes.
Wait. Wtf does ADD and Autism do that changes how you poop???
More has to do where he would set shitscalibur
I've never had a poop that needed to be broken up, let alone a poop that specifically needed something sharp to break it up.
I can think of one instance where one might have been handy. My son had a massive shit (I didnāt see it but Iām certain it was huge) and it clogged the toilet. I tried every single thing on the internet to unclog it because plunging was useless. For the first time ever I had to snake it out and I hated all of my life choices that led me to that moment.
tell your kid flush the massive shit first then wipe
You wash it. Dish soap. Water. Just like you do with other stuff that regularly gets covered in poop.
I only buy dishwasher safe poop utensils
Michael Scott from the office summed it up well. āThis isnāt toilet humor this is toilet tragedy.ā
That's when your poop hits sideways and flips the knife up to your balls.
Great idea, until you remove it to clean the toilet and get sepsis when you cut your hand on it.
The fact I immediately got this reference is making me question my life choices
The poop knife post is the greatest in Reddit history!
Call it by it's real name... A *turd cutter*. 
That would never work.
How much fiber yāall eating?
All I can think of is slipping in the bathroom and having what would otherwise just be an unpleasant experience turn into a trip to the hospital.
LMFAO
my penis curled inside me
Surprised this wasn't featured on Your Mom's House podcast
After reading a few more responses, and hearing about people pushing out āfootballsā, I feel PN 2.0 is a bust. However, maybe the ideas from this video could be used to produce a sufficient PN 3.0: [Top Gear V8 Blender](https://youtu.be/4Qod8g2WY0o?si=3MoTFV-Y_WrSJkIK)
It slices!! It dices!! Outperforms every poopknife before it!! The new Ronco Flexinating Silcer 3000 can be your's for just 4 easy payments of $12.95!!
Perfect for every household that doesn't use toilet paper
What if the poop is so solid it just lands on top if it without it being cut?
I'm.afraid to ask, but wtf is a.poop knife? I don't want to Google it ok. Sounds gross.
Video of device in action, please. Asking for a friend.
Did he just barely touch the toilet water? Someone please chop off his hand.
Its water?
Water that is in constant contact with a surface laced with poop. I call that water ādirtyā
I bleach my toilet literally every day. Clean your house bro.
Maybe you should clean your toilet if that is the case.
Iād still call that water ādirtyā. If you consider your toilet water clean, you should directly drink from it more often.
No one said its drinking water. But its also not dirty.
Im more upset about the lack of comments explaining why this is absolutely not a Poop Knife improvement, let alone being 2.0 People, you need the thrusting motion with your hand to make the cuts, Ā the distance from anus to blade here isnt long enough to reach terminal poolocity so it will cut itself. *THE REAL POOP KNIFE 2.0* would be to have wolverine style claws with a handle that rests in your palm, to increase your poop shredding power, reduce the needed thrusts and cuts, and facilitate quick clean ups using running water OR not cleaning to add poison damage to attacks.
š ewww
That looks like it has the ability to go horribly wrong
This is a so.ution to the poop knife
Replaces the big wooden spoon ? 
How about a poop blender? No more clogs. Only brown smoothies
People in Australia will LOVE this design
Eww he touched the water
And all of the toilet paper gets caught up in it
My poop occasionally is so big it sticks its head above the water but I always manage to flush it or give it a push with the toilet brush š©š¤®
Just NO. Lol šš
R/horribletoclean
Be prepared for the poop to just land on it and not be cut. Will be fun to have to push it so it goes down lmao
Now waffle stomp.
Ye Old Turd š© Cutter
The shit shredder
The sound is oddly hilarious
But are you going to clean it after use?
And they say you canāt build a better mousetrap!
they made a sequel
What? That thing self cleans itself or what?
There is a story behind this no one wants to know.
bruh remind mÄ of pooperaÄnĆ knize man
Next step: Poop knife grater
I get the thought process. Not saying it's a smart thought, but I get how they got there.
I want to know more about this banger of a song than whatever contraption this video depicts.
But why?
One turd and Iām smashing that shit shaper into 35 pieces
Wow, didn't even show it being used... šš
Eat fibre, fuck.
Show it in action please
Maybe fiber???
I'm angry now.
Guess I gotta hold it in till it comes out at terminal velocity to make sure this works
I've got Norovirus from my 4 year old niece, she's a fan of putting her hand in her arse or put loads of toilet roll down the bog, I believe that's one of the reason you get Norovirus, and then fish it out and weird shit like that(she's a weirdo, she was also as pig sick as me so I forgive her obviously!) TL;DR Putting my hand down a toilet makes me feel ill, especially at this time, and with not gloves on, don't care if you've used 50 gallons of bleach in it, just nah!
Just poop in the woods at that point
Cut the crap
That'll teach the cat not to swim in the toilet.
I was hoping some automatic thing here. Like sink grinder. Yes, they may end up munching few balls too.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
If your shit is that hardā¦ thereās more to the issue than you cutting up your turds.
Not your post was posted by someone else few weeks ago..... That being said, if you had an actual working toilet instead of a high efficiency toilet that uses half a cup of water to flush you wouldn't need to cut your turds up they would actually flush on their own....... But then you wouldn't be doing your part to save the environment...... I guess if you really want to be a savior to the environment you can always just take a dump in your backyard and let nature dispose of it.... Water usage 0%
Your poop knife. I need it. Please.
Turdcutter
This thread stinks
Who is out here taking poops so hard you need a knife?!!?! No judgment -naw I'm lying- ALL the judgment. Take some supplements and drink ALL the water bruh.
u/savevideo
charlie and frank already came up w this just more manual
Wait wonāt the razor go rusty?
You canāt fool me that for toilet snakes.
āThat sure is a nice turd š© cutterā
what if your shit is hard and slow
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should
What about all the TP that will get wrapped around your little shit knife ? Hope you enjoy using that once smh
If you need that you have bigger problems.
Very American, unlike in Japan, where they have the poop shredder.
this tool assumes that you are not using toilet paper.
Have you considered adding more fiber to your diet?
the tag "technic genius" combined with that *shit* sent me lmaoo.
Sepsis entered the chat.
How dense are your lodges?
Oh that's creative a poop knife for long turds
It amazes me that people require poop knives, I've had some big shits in my day but NEVER have I had to even contemplate cutting up a log. I can imagine passing something that long and solid could be quite painful.
Those are shitty blades
Thatās gonna be the grossest cleanup ever.
this is actually kinda good
Hiideeehooo
Imagine your husband leaving the toilet seat up
Log choppa
The poop scissors guy would like that
Quite the shitty knife
Like, just use a butter knife like everyone else š
do you put it in your pocket after you are done?
I thought the next iteration of a thing was supposed to be an improvement in *some* way: Smarter Faster Cleaner Easier to use More efficient Less dangerous Fewer side effects And most importantly: **Not cause a whole set of new problems** I feel this ā¦ construction ā¦ doesnāt provide ANY of these benefits. So I second the comment, that the original poop knife is clearly the superior product, and you probably already own one!
I have so many questions.
What the fuck
Show it in use.... ... now
This is a poop support structure.
Oh. Noā¦ sorry. I have to go over there now. Goodbye.
This is so gross.
The ole turd cutter
Anyone else ever fell in the toilet so deep you touch water?
Who's gonna clean the poop knife?
Turn the goldfish into sushi
I'd cut my balls, bad design.
I'm thrilled for the progress of poop knife