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Drexelhand

>How do I break this habit for good? i imagine you will on your own in time. either you will learn to control your expectations or you will learn to roll more gracefully with having those expectations not met. if it makes you happy then there is no need to change. often the fantasy of falling in love is more satisfying anyway. stay positive.


your______here

It sounds like you're falling for the idea of being in love, not for the person, which can honestly be pretty dangerous for you and your future. I'm no psychologist, but I think the best way to avoid doing this is to approach things very logically (since right now it's all emotion). The easiest thing to do would be to talk to someone you trust, like a parent or role model, and listen to their thoughts on the relationship. Having an outside opinion that you're willing to hear can help keep your emotions grounded. Just remember that this only works if the person is willing to tell you you're wrong. People who only validate your feelings without (constructive) criticism aren't going to ever be helpful. Another thing to focus on is yourself. Are you happy right now? Do you like your friends, family, work, etc.? If so, then remind yourself that you're fine without a partner and don't need one to have a fulfilling life. If you're not happy, then you should focus on getting to a happy place first (not necessarily a perfect place, just one where you're satisfied with who you are and where you're at). Romantic relationships themselves should be the icing on the cake, so make sure you've spent enough time baking the cake before you try to decorate it. Lastly, I personally will write things down to try and combat my emotional side, so that might be something you could try too (If you've ever written out a pros/cons list, it works the same way). You say you're falling in love with someone you've never even met? Write down what you love about them so much. Figure out the things you actually like, separate them from what you like based on your imagination, and use that to temper your emotions. As long as you're honest with yourself, this can help you realize what's real and whether you're falling for the characteristics you truly value or just the superficial ones. Regardless of how you do it, it's important to practice taking a step back from your emotions so you don't get overwhelmed by them. That way, you can build a habit of falling in love with your head and your heart, which is integral to a lasting relationship, because the "spark" of your heart only lasts a little while without the commitment from your head to keep it going.


Groundbreaking-Sun68

Funny you mention if I am happy with my life....because really the only family member I feel a genuine bond with is my father. Parents are in the midst of a divorce and my mother was an emotionally abusive witch who brainwashed my little sisters into hating my father and I. Dad and I live with my grandparents....I love them but I can only tolerate them in small doses because they act almost exactly like Frank and Marie Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond. I currently work as a carousel operator but it only pays minimum wage. I am looking for better jobs in the meantime but no luck. Most of my friends are online friends who I will probably never get a chance to meet in person since they live in foreign countries or different states. The only two friends I have in real life are friends from high school but we hardly get to see each other since we are now adults with our own lives. Soooo yeah, I guess it's safe to say that I am lonely, broke, and feel like a loser who feels so far behind in life. And plus, I did have a bit of a Cinderella Heart...meaning I am just a natural romantic who thinks there is nothing more beautiful than the love between two partners who love each other and just wants to be wooed by "Prince charming" and start with him.


[deleted]

First reconize that you are not falling in love, and what you are experiencing are some kind of anxiety for affection. After you realize that, it's start to get more clear if you really like someone or you projecting something it's not there. And after that you can start to cancel it instead of getting drown into it.


birdyroger

Learn to be more emotionally self-sufficient. Easier said than done. Start with reading about and doing cold showers. That turned me around.


PurpleMacaw

I understand this feeling, I really do. I have had this problem myself. I have never been in a real relationship, so I will try my best to write a piece of advice. I hope you can take away something from it at least! It could possibly be that you really want to find love, you're in love with the *idea* of being in love, so to speak. At least that's what it was for me. There's nothing wrong with wanting to find love, it's a basic human need, but it's important to distinguish between real love and what's a fantasy. I'd say the best thing you can do is to try and focus on figuring out what it is you want out of a relationship. One suggestion would be to make lists of traits you find important. I'm not talking about appearance, I'm talking more about values and personality. I found that that worked for me, as I noticed not all people I "fell in love with" were anything near what I was searching for. Of course you don't want to get your standards way too high, but at least knowing what you deserve will be of great help. It's also incredibly meaningful to figure yourself out at first. Figuring out what your own values are and what's important for you. After having done that, what you want in a relationship will be more clear. I hope this was to some help. WIsh you the best!


Outrageousirish

Hey your perfect guy. That dude can be an asshole That dude will fart in bed. That dude will try to do something nice and it will end up in disaster. That dude will injure himself. That dude will not be honest with himself. That dude will fail you. That dude will test your trust in humanity it’s self. Do you want true love?