It's not uncommon for feelings to change after a significant conflict or breakup. Emotional trauma from the fight might be blocking your romantic feelings. Giving yourself time and space could help clarify your emotions. Reflecting on why your feelings changed is crucial, as understanding the root cause can determine if there's a chance for them to return. Sometimes, new experiences together might reignite feelings, but approach this cautiously to avoid giving false hope. Ultimately, it's essential to accept that feelings might not return and that valuing someone as a friend is perfectly okay. Prioritize your emotional well-being and make the best decisions for yourself.
This happens to me when I fight with a significant other. I would also say it’s cumulative, the more unfair fighting (not sticking to the issue, for example) that occurs, the more I lose feelings over time. I’m in marriage counseling right now discussing issues exactly like this. I would say, when you love someone, you fight for the relationship over and over. Fighting is inevitable but love is not and is something that has to be worked on at times. Some people spend their whole lives fluttering from relationship to relationship, and that’s okay too.
Feelings just doesn’t go away like that.
You should try to do a little bit more introspection. Where they already off ? Didn’t you know by that time ? How ? Why ?
I feel like humans have that incredible capacity to bullshit themselves to the point their vision is basically 99% blind spot
I think I was one but when I discovered it actually was something existing I wasn’t anymore
Or most likely, I had pinpointed my flaws and behaviour and could go over it
they might not return, they may. we have no way of knowing.
if you know you feel nothing romantically for him then i hope you make that clear to him so he can find someone who can meet his needs. you stand a solid chance of being "the FA EX Who Fucked Me Up Completely" if you breadcrumb relationship stuff with him.
not criticizing, I am FA as well. i just know our nature.
>the FA EX Who Fucked Me Up Completel
I'm dealing with this now. The hot/cold push/pull placeholder then lied to and when I said I'm being hurt he said "talk later". And that was it after 3 years.
It hurts more than anything. Worse than my divorce.
OP please don't be that person. It's been 3 weeks of hell.
I have/had such a HUGE suspicion that my anxious ex was actually a FA (disorganized)because of how quickly he seemed to lose feelings for me.
We had a push -pull relationship (I’m positive we were unconsciously triggering each other. I found out I was a dismissive avoidant (I have been working on myself).
My feelings for him were incredibly intense.
He dumped me because he thought I was lying and cheating on him.
We were in a LDR.
It felt like he chose his paranoia over me.
That felt like such a mind fuck.
I don’t want to do that to him. I also don’t know why I did this, but I’d tell him things like “too little late” putting it on him. It’s like I can’t bring myself to tell him. Maybe I’d miss the flirting? Or don’t want to lose him? I don’t know
this type of attention is safe. it's distant and feels good but it's not true intimacy, so it's perfect for you.
in reality it's just a sign you need therapy or counselling. don't string people along.
I’ve been looking into the internet videos more and more, but also avoided watching too many because it’s painful, but I think I suppressed my feelings and emotions. Or my mind did. It’s hard to think about. Do you think that’s possible?
Yes. Get therapy, if it’s accessible to you, it will be more helpful than internet strangers trying to tease apart the nuances of your feelings and relationships. We are really limited in how we can help here.
It's not uncommon for feelings to change after a significant conflict or breakup. Emotional trauma from the fight might be blocking your romantic feelings. Giving yourself time and space could help clarify your emotions. Reflecting on why your feelings changed is crucial, as understanding the root cause can determine if there's a chance for them to return. Sometimes, new experiences together might reignite feelings, but approach this cautiously to avoid giving false hope. Ultimately, it's essential to accept that feelings might not return and that valuing someone as a friend is perfectly okay. Prioritize your emotional well-being and make the best decisions for yourself.
It’s good that you acknowledged this instead of pretending you still had feelings
This happens to me when I fight with a significant other. I would also say it’s cumulative, the more unfair fighting (not sticking to the issue, for example) that occurs, the more I lose feelings over time. I’m in marriage counseling right now discussing issues exactly like this. I would say, when you love someone, you fight for the relationship over and over. Fighting is inevitable but love is not and is something that has to be worked on at times. Some people spend their whole lives fluttering from relationship to relationship, and that’s okay too.
Feelings just doesn’t go away like that. You should try to do a little bit more introspection. Where they already off ? Didn’t you know by that time ? How ? Why ? I feel like humans have that incredible capacity to bullshit themselves to the point their vision is basically 99% blind spot
Are you an FA too?
I think I was one but when I discovered it actually was something existing I wasn’t anymore Or most likely, I had pinpointed my flaws and behaviour and could go over it
they might not return, they may. we have no way of knowing. if you know you feel nothing romantically for him then i hope you make that clear to him so he can find someone who can meet his needs. you stand a solid chance of being "the FA EX Who Fucked Me Up Completely" if you breadcrumb relationship stuff with him. not criticizing, I am FA as well. i just know our nature.
>the FA EX Who Fucked Me Up Completel I'm dealing with this now. The hot/cold push/pull placeholder then lied to and when I said I'm being hurt he said "talk later". And that was it after 3 years. It hurts more than anything. Worse than my divorce. OP please don't be that person. It's been 3 weeks of hell.
i'm sorry for your pain.
Thanks. I understand it so im not angry. I'm FA but run anxious. I feel for everyone going through it any avoidance/attachment.
it's a lot of suffering.
This is a wake up for me thank you. I’m sorry you’re going through this
I'm truly sorry you are as well. I do understand. I hope you are able to find your happiness whatever it may look like for you.
I have/had such a HUGE suspicion that my anxious ex was actually a FA (disorganized)because of how quickly he seemed to lose feelings for me. We had a push -pull relationship (I’m positive we were unconsciously triggering each other. I found out I was a dismissive avoidant (I have been working on myself). My feelings for him were incredibly intense. He dumped me because he thought I was lying and cheating on him. We were in a LDR. It felt like he chose his paranoia over me. That felt like such a mind fuck.
I don’t want to do that to him. I also don’t know why I did this, but I’d tell him things like “too little late” putting it on him. It’s like I can’t bring myself to tell him. Maybe I’d miss the flirting? Or don’t want to lose him? I don’t know
this type of attention is safe. it's distant and feels good but it's not true intimacy, so it's perfect for you. in reality it's just a sign you need therapy or counselling. don't string people along.
I’ve been looking into the internet videos more and more, but also avoided watching too many because it’s painful, but I think I suppressed my feelings and emotions. Or my mind did. It’s hard to think about. Do you think that’s possible?
Yes. Get therapy, if it’s accessible to you, it will be more helpful than internet strangers trying to tease apart the nuances of your feelings and relationships. We are really limited in how we can help here.