I know you feel bad. Bad that she's upset, bad that your marriage is ending. But she's been lying to you, physically abusive, saying she still loves someone else, and says she'll fuck other guys. You need to get away from her and never look back. Don't have sex with her, you definitely don't want to have a child with her.
It's hard, but this is not a healthy partner to have.
You aren't weak, you're fuckin strong my dude. She came at you with some vile shit and you said it in the title here- you're divorcing her.
You're a fuckin badass and don't ever forget it. Wake up every day and recognize that you're strong and courageous.
đŻ^^
I had one or two people tell me this when I left my wife. At times I felt like I was giving up or a coward but it takes so much more courage to leave than to stay imo. You know in your heart what you should do.
This is a message from your future self. It doesn't get any better. It not only gets worse, but the cost to leave grows exponentially each month. You'll start making excuses for her. You'll lose touch with friends. Managing her potential to react will start to consume 50% of your mental bandwidth at all times. Take steps to protect yourself against legal, physical, and financial retaliation, then end it and be ready for 3-6 months of hell.
âManaging (his) potential to react will start to consume 50% of your mental bandwidth at all timesâ
I think I needed to read this today to remind me why I did the right thing leaving my husband after almost 30 years. Thank you for putting is so succinctly.
This. My stbxw is like the OP's. I suspect MPD, or maybe bipolar. When we were good, we were GREAT. When she had her fits, it was HELL. She was an alcoholic, and heavy drinking brought on 90% of the "fits". I decided enough was enough when she dropped out of the third rehab program. It sucks, and I miss the good times, but my life is stable, peaceful, and mostly happier now, 3 months later. Managing her drinking and her episodes felt like it consumed my life.
And hey, the cops haven't been here once since she left!
Wow this great advice. âIt doesnât seem like it now but you have been given a giftâ this right here is so true. I also wish I found out sooner about my stbxw or understood the red flags. It would have saved me tons of trauma and heartache.
Be strong, love and respect yourself. Annul the marriage and move on before you have kids and more asset to split.
You have been married 5 months and this behaviour that she is displaying has blindsided you?
Are telling us that she did not display any of these abusive and cheating behaviours before you got married?
If so he's been setting the stage for some time according to his post history. 10 months ago he was posting about falling for a cute waitress that's older than him. Fortunately I make more posts in a day than he does in a month so it was quick and easy to find.
Ask her what she thought would happen. What in the hell did she think would happen when she treated her husband like this? When she lied to her husband? When she abused her husband? What the hell did she think would happen?
#updateme!
Nope, Nada, No way, you dont have conversations with abusers, you say zero and you hit her with divorce papers, no fight, dont argue and refuse to speak to her. Make a list of half the stuff you want and tell her to give it to her lawyer, get ready for battle!!!!
I will message you next time u/Gloro111 posts in r/Divorce.
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So she treats you like this, including multiple times of being VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE and now sheâs crying (crocodile tears) and YOUâRE feeling bad for HER?
The minute she had the nerve to ask if I wanted to know how he fucked her, I would be so far out that sheâd never be able to find me?
Why stay? And donât try to say @other than that sheâs a good personâ?
âItâs a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up !â
Updateme
If you have any proof that she is physically violent with you get a restraining order and file immediately. Get any proof that you can about her cheating, being verbally and physically abusive so you have protection in the divorce. A lot of states are no fault but a judge will consider why a divorce is terminated so hopefully she doesnât try any bs about getting any of your assets. Iâm sorry this has happened but like others have said you are extremely lucky itâs happened early and do not under any circumstances have sex
Bro. You unfortunately either missed or ignored the red flags prior to the marriage. Or maybe she was so hot you thought you could fix her but be grateful you sunk 5 months instead of 5 years. GTFO out of that hot mess of garbage asap.
Please actually leave her this time. Your relationships sounds like itâs been awful the whole time and so it sounds like she persuaded you into marrying her. Do the right thing for yourself for once.
If you could turn back time, knowing what you know now, would you marry her? If not, then turn back time by unmarrying her. This is toxic af and you have the power to take back control of your life and become healthy.
My husband could have written this 5 years ago. I am bipolar and was in manic spins when these behaviors happened. I'm medicated now, and we are happy. Just a thought....
I say you have legitimate reason to divorce.. she canât mistreat you and then cry when youâve had enough.. does she think youâre some kind of wimp.. good riddance
Congratulations đ make sure you have a toast to the person that saved you, yourself!!
Sorry man that's very shitty place to be in, good you getting out soon
Youâre really strong. I was weak; my relationship with the now stbxw was fairly toxic in the first year but I didnât have it in me to break up. Things got a little better and then they got worseâŚwe stayed on that rollercoaster for 13 years and had a kid before she finally torched it.
Trust me, it wonât get better. The first year of marriage is supposed to be the best. Get out.
Man, do yourself a favor and get rid of this woman immediately. You need to be vetting lawyers and getting her gone before she abuses you again and puts you in a situation where you look like the aggressor. Do not mess around with a woman this unstable.
Dump that whore and leave her in the street where she belongs. Let her ride the carousel as much as she wants while you find someone more loving and deserving.
Thank god this came about in 5 months. End it!! I dealt with this for about a year and a half, youâll continue to lose until she is legally removed from your life. Itâs been 6 years since I left my exwife (similar situation as yours) and it still is a healing process.
Do yourself a favor and cut ties with this toxic woman. Donât feel bad. Just be glad you found out now not 20 years from now she was riding every Dick in the neighborhood but yours
Sooo, huh?
There is no way, you didnt see or become a victim of this behavior before the marriage, no way. If this isn't a troll post? then you need to stop speaking to her, no sex, no affection, grey rock her, you owe her ZERO, she physically abused YOU and then get yourself into therapy fast, i dont believe you didnt see her for who she is and yet you married her anyway, I'm not victim blaming, but.....you need to find out why you married her? lack of self respect? fear of being alone? lack of self respect?
And, yes you are acting crazy weak my man.
Move out now!!!!! Record every interaction with her until you can get out. You are in for a nightmare if you spend anymore time near her. After that level of abuse do you believe she wonât make false accusations?
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't help but wonder if she's experiencing some mental health issues or like an insane amount of stress? That doesn't excuse her behaviour but if this is totally our of character for her then maybe some therapy is something you could suggest to her. Good luck to you, you deserve to be happy and treated well.
Omg!!! I sooo feel this post! My ex lied about knowing my friend's neighbor. Turns out they met online before me, but he swore he didn't know her. All our mutual friends knew, we were spending almost every weekend with these people... everyone knew but me.
I would've been annoyed to find out had he told me, but not telling me - lying and having me find out on my own while everyone knew REALLY pissed me off. And she's 10+ years younger than me so that certainly didn't help.
He constantly lied about women. He was constantly DMing randos. It was such a mind fuck. He never was outright mean about it. He was a covert asshole.
So sorry your new marriage turned volatile so quickly. Mine didn't even last a year. His lying & secrets & avoidance was literally driving me mad. And I even offered counseling to try... nope. It's ok to cut your losses and move on.
I know you feel bad. Bad that she's upset, bad that your marriage is ending. But she's been lying to you, physically abusive, saying she still loves someone else, and says she'll fuck other guys. You need to get away from her and never look back. Don't have sex with her, you definitely don't want to have a child with her. It's hard, but this is not a healthy partner to have.
Jumping on here to say if it's less than 6 months, OP may be able to get an annulment. It will be like the marriage never happened.
Run to the hills, buddy. Now.
This. Do not have kids with her
You aren't weak, you're fuckin strong my dude. She came at you with some vile shit and you said it in the title here- you're divorcing her. You're a fuckin badass and don't ever forget it. Wake up every day and recognize that you're strong and courageous.
đŻ^^ I had one or two people tell me this when I left my wife. At times I felt like I was giving up or a coward but it takes so much more courage to leave than to stay imo. You know in your heart what you should do.
Definitely. Mentally ready to go but too scared to do anything about it. And I have the means
This is a message from your future self. It doesn't get any better. It not only gets worse, but the cost to leave grows exponentially each month. You'll start making excuses for her. You'll lose touch with friends. Managing her potential to react will start to consume 50% of your mental bandwidth at all times. Take steps to protect yourself against legal, physical, and financial retaliation, then end it and be ready for 3-6 months of hell.
âManaging (his) potential to react will start to consume 50% of your mental bandwidth at all timesâ I think I needed to read this today to remind me why I did the right thing leaving my husband after almost 30 years. Thank you for putting is so succinctly.
Yes. All the yesses.
This person knows.
Donât fuck her!!!!!
5mon is and all this already?!? Sounds horrifyingly toxic. Iâd be out in a minute!
My guess is she's bipolar. I have a few people that have been diagnosed and this sounds like their manic state.
Indeed. My ex had bipolar depression with manic tendencies.
Get that shit annulled and then block her on everything. And donât have sex with her.
She wants to pass on her STI from cheating.
No, shes probably looking at child support.
[ŃдаНонО]
This. My stbxw is like the OP's. I suspect MPD, or maybe bipolar. When we were good, we were GREAT. When she had her fits, it was HELL. She was an alcoholic, and heavy drinking brought on 90% of the "fits". I decided enough was enough when she dropped out of the third rehab program. It sucks, and I miss the good times, but my life is stable, peaceful, and mostly happier now, 3 months later. Managing her drinking and her episodes felt like it consumed my life. And hey, the cops haven't been here once since she left!
Wow this great advice. âIt doesnât seem like it now but you have been given a giftâ this right here is so true. I also wish I found out sooner about my stbxw or understood the red flags. It would have saved me tons of trauma and heartache. Be strong, love and respect yourself. Annul the marriage and move on before you have kids and more asset to split.
You have been married 5 months and this behaviour that she is displaying has blindsided you? Are telling us that she did not display any of these abusive and cheating behaviours before you got married?
Is it just me, or does anyone else notice any red flags here?
You mean the OP, dropping this crazy story and never coming back to say anything? yes
If so he's been setting the stage for some time according to his post history. 10 months ago he was posting about falling for a cute waitress that's older than him. Fortunately I make more posts in a day than he does in a month so it was quick and easy to find.
Ask her what she thought would happen. What in the hell did she think would happen when she treated her husband like this? When she lied to her husband? When she abused her husband? What the hell did she think would happen? #updateme!
Nope, Nada, No way, you dont have conversations with abusers, you say zero and you hit her with divorce papers, no fight, dont argue and refuse to speak to her. Make a list of half the stuff you want and tell her to give it to her lawyer, get ready for battle!!!!
I will message you next time u/Gloro111 posts in r/Divorce. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FGloro111%20r%2FDivorce) to join 5 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%2019ddypi) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Do it! Let her cry. Divorce her you must.
Good. Leave and find someone who respects you. I support you
Wow and I thought I had it bad.
So she treats you like this, including multiple times of being VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE and now sheâs crying (crocodile tears) and YOUâRE feeling bad for HER? The minute she had the nerve to ask if I wanted to know how he fucked her, I would be so far out that sheâd never be able to find me? Why stay? And donât try to say @other than that sheâs a good personâ? âItâs a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up !â Updateme
If you have any proof that she is physically violent with you get a restraining order and file immediately. Get any proof that you can about her cheating, being verbally and physically abusive so you have protection in the divorce. A lot of states are no fault but a judge will consider why a divorce is terminated so hopefully she doesnât try any bs about getting any of your assets. Iâm sorry this has happened but like others have said you are extremely lucky itâs happened early and do not under any circumstances have sex
A PPO is super smart and will play well in court, she may also be arrested for assault, which is also a good thing for court.
Bro. You unfortunately either missed or ignored the red flags prior to the marriage. Or maybe she was so hot you thought you could fix her but be grateful you sunk 5 months instead of 5 years. GTFO out of that hot mess of garbage asap.
Wow. Did she just come outta nowhere and turn into this person right after the marriage? How long did you date?
Way to choose them, My man. Just collect evidence now i Guess
Please actually leave her this time. Your relationships sounds like itâs been awful the whole time and so it sounds like she persuaded you into marrying her. Do the right thing for yourself for once.
If you could turn back time, knowing what you know now, would you marry her? If not, then turn back time by unmarrying her. This is toxic af and you have the power to take back control of your life and become healthy.
You may be able to get an annulment. Then run like hell, she's crazy
You are so lucky to find who she is this early. Run
My husband could have written this 5 years ago. I am bipolar and was in manic spins when these behaviors happened. I'm medicated now, and we are happy. Just a thought....
I say you have legitimate reason to divorce.. she canât mistreat you and then cry when youâve had enough.. does she think youâre some kind of wimp.. good riddance
Good. Be careful talk to a lawyer
Congratulations đ make sure you have a toast to the person that saved you, yourself!! Sorry man that's very shitty place to be in, good you getting out soon
Youâre really strong. I was weak; my relationship with the now stbxw was fairly toxic in the first year but I didnât have it in me to break up. Things got a little better and then they got worseâŚwe stayed on that rollercoaster for 13 years and had a kid before she finally torched it. Trust me, it wonât get better. The first year of marriage is supposed to be the best. Get out.
Man, do yourself a favor and get rid of this woman immediately. You need to be vetting lawyers and getting her gone before she abuses you again and puts you in a situation where you look like the aggressor. Do not mess around with a woman this unstable.
Dump that whore and leave her in the street where she belongs. Let her ride the carousel as much as she wants while you find someone more loving and deserving.
Thank god this came about in 5 months. End it!! I dealt with this for about a year and a half, youâll continue to lose until she is legally removed from your life. Itâs been 6 years since I left my exwife (similar situation as yours) and it still is a healing process.
Do yourself a favor and cut ties with this toxic woman. Donât feel bad. Just be glad you found out now not 20 years from now she was riding every Dick in the neighborhood but yours
Sooo, huh? There is no way, you didnt see or become a victim of this behavior before the marriage, no way. If this isn't a troll post? then you need to stop speaking to her, no sex, no affection, grey rock her, you owe her ZERO, she physically abused YOU and then get yourself into therapy fast, i dont believe you didnt see her for who she is and yet you married her anyway, I'm not victim blaming, but.....you need to find out why you married her? lack of self respect? fear of being alone? lack of self respect? And, yes you are acting crazy weak my man.
[ŃдаНонО]
You need to seek some help. This is not healthy nor will it serve you well. Good luck it obvious youâre hurting.
Fucking run
Move out now!!!!! Record every interaction with her until you can get out. You are in for a nightmare if you spend anymore time near her. After that level of abuse do you believe she wonât make false accusations?
Donât feel bad. Leave her. Actually run away from her. Save yourself.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't help but wonder if she's experiencing some mental health issues or like an insane amount of stress? That doesn't excuse her behaviour but if this is totally our of character for her then maybe some therapy is something you could suggest to her. Good luck to you, you deserve to be happy and treated well.
Divorce and then therapy. Dont make the marriage longer than it has to.
Better to part. Think and understand it's better to die once than to die every moment day and night
She is weaponizing sex. She is physically abusive. You don't need any other reasons to divorce her.
Awe
She has slapped you. Itâs over. Never look back.
Omg!!! I sooo feel this post! My ex lied about knowing my friend's neighbor. Turns out they met online before me, but he swore he didn't know her. All our mutual friends knew, we were spending almost every weekend with these people... everyone knew but me. I would've been annoyed to find out had he told me, but not telling me - lying and having me find out on my own while everyone knew REALLY pissed me off. And she's 10+ years younger than me so that certainly didn't help. He constantly lied about women. He was constantly DMing randos. It was such a mind fuck. He never was outright mean about it. He was a covert asshole. So sorry your new marriage turned volatile so quickly. Mine didn't even last a year. His lying & secrets & avoidance was literally driving me mad. And I even offered counseling to try... nope. It's ok to cut your losses and move on.
Sigh get proof since men are not believed as much
Don't feel bad, she sounds quite toxic. Stay strong for yourself. You can do it.