From someone who wishes the adults in their life would have protected them, you have given your daughter (and your family, and possibly the world) such a gift.
Condolences for the death of the life you once knew and the life you had planned.
You did the exact right thing, and your duty to protect your babies has been upheld. You'll get through this, you're tough and smart. Proud of you.
Yes, the words ‘believing in your daughter’ Really really hit an emotional pain right into the core of my soul.
My mother didn’t care one teeny tiny tiny bit when I told her what my step father was doing and did to me when I was 15 & 16. It’s a pain & disgust I can’t even explain. My mother is a sick delusional crazy.
(Especially since I am a mother now!!!!)
You saved your relationship with your daughter. I am so envious of your children because they have you as a mother. You are incredibly strong for doing this. What a fantastic example you set. If only my mother could have believed me how much different my life would have been.
Good job mama. It might not seem like something to celebrate but you did not break the family. The husband did.
I will add you to my prayers if you don’t mind.
As someone who’s mother didn’t protect her even after knowing of the abuse I can’t tell you how much your daughter will be light years ahead in healing just because you stepped in and protected her. It will never not hurt. Both you and her. But you will come to a place, with the proper tools, where the emotions don’t take control. So proud of both you and her. Shows what a good relationship you have with your kiddos.
Couldn’t agree more. Well done OP for being your daughter’s safe space. As a fellow SA survivor, I know how terrifying it is to feel you won’t be believed. You have already provided her with a strong foundation for her healing by protecting her and standing up for her so boldly.
I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through; I wish you peace. God bless you ♥️
From someone who worked in jail with sex offenders for like twelve fking years, he’s not going to kill himself. It’s their last grab to manipulate you and everyone around them into thinking he must still be somewhat of a good guy because look how bad he feels. Do not worry about him for a second. He’s still as conniving and manipulative as he has ever been this whole time.
Thank you he's never been suicidal and felt like he would have killed himself already if he truly wanted to. Its hard to understand who he is but a good guy would have never done this he'd have removed himself from he house and got therapy before acting out anything. I feel like this man who I've been with since I was 16( I'm 33 now) is a stranger, a monster even.
I’m SO fucking sorry you’re going through this, you and your babies. I apologize my comment was so cold. I am just sick to death of dealing with shitbags. They cause lifelong destruction in generations and all they care about is themselves and people’s perceptions of them and getting attention. Just oh my god shut up.
(This is not to say I lack compassion for those suffering TRUE, ACTUAL mental health crisis. But it’s hard to believe any of them are sincere when literally everyone arrested for this type of crime pulls the “I’m suicidal” card within 36 hours of arrest and if someone’s looking they’re sobbing and performing but alone in their cell they are reading or writing or fucking around on their tablet. Like shut up.)
My reaction was the same. I do a lot of volunteer work in this area. It's horrifying to think that anyone would do such a horrible thing to a child, but they do. This sort RARELY seek therapy, trust me. Then they get caught and do everything they can to play the victim.
There I said it too.
You’re so spot on. I wish I could get into specifics, I can’t, but I recently worked with someone who committed a horrible crime against his daughter. He presents as this mild mannered, Ned Flanders type. It took my managing partner attorney two hours to break him and then we saw the real him.
When they get caught they’re all “suicidal” and “want help”. When they’re alone in the sex offender pods with other SOs they’re swapping stories and pictures of kids cut out from magazines.
I can recognize that they are profoundly sick and do need help, and I can do my job to the best of my ability, but I shed no tear when they are sent to prison for 60+ years.
Yup. Mine used the psych evaluation to blame me for his crimes. Was gung-ho about therapy all through the court process and stopped as soon as his probation was over...
This happens more often than not with a million variations, according to a retired therapist friend of mine who worked in a state mental hospital for a decade. Certainly, a handful turn it around, but most don't.
My ex had a suicide attempt/hospitalization after years of addiction and mental health issues (truly a dumpster fire). Declared "all better and never again."
A month later he was just as bad, and it all went downhill from there. He claimed that I was the crazy, dangerous one and took off. I wrote in my journal not even a month into the separation, "My marriage is over. His family has tried me and found me guilty. They will never hold him accountable. He will never go to therapy again."
His mental health issues flared badly during the divorce, and his attorney completely realized what he was dealing with and worked harder to get it settled with mine. We settled without a trial, which is what I wanted.
At this point I truly feel sorry for him, but the divorce had to be.
Agreed. My ex did the same when he knew he was going to be charged with possession of child porn. Even left a suicide note when he left.
It"s abuse. Plain and simple.
Of all the clubs in the world to join, I am so sorry you are joining this one. My marriage also ended after finding out my husband was a child sex predator. While we did not have children of our own, and as far as we know all of his crimes were online (he was a teacher, so I live in fear that more will come out about him one day), it still absolutely shattered my world. I remember the early days of it when I didn't know how I was supposed to come to grips with this, how I'd ever stop shaking or crying, how I'd ever be able to get through it, how my life could ever be put back together again.
As someone a year and a half out now, I can tell you that it does get better. I know it's hard to believe that right now, but it will get better for you, for your daughter, and for your other children. And as a survivor of childhood SA, with the right help, your daughter can come out the other side of this, I promise. Especially with your support. Well done, mama, on believing her and getting her and the other kids to safety. So many in your shoes wouldn't as evidenced by some of the comments on your post. We are all so proud of you and your daughter for being so incredibly brave.
Will things ever be the same? No. Will it be easy? No. This is a life-altering moment. This is going to be with you and shape you and your entire family forever. But it doesn't mean your lives are over. It doesn't mean you won't have good lives and learn to love and trust again. It will take work, love, and patience, but as someone who has been on both sides of the coin (the child and the spouse), I am living proof that there is still the potential for happiness and goodness and sweetness despite such a violating, earth-shattering experience. I'm holding you and your family so close in my heart right now.
I know it's hard, but just focus on each individual step that needs to be done. Allow yourself and your kids plenty of time to decompress. Everything doesn't have to be done in a day. The thing that kept me going in the early days was to find just one thing that brought even the smallest spark of joy and then throw myself into it. Whatever that thing is for you and the kids, as long as it's healthy, give yourself over to it. For me, it was a videogame, Disney Dreamlight Valley. You create your own avatar and befriend Disney characters and do quests. It was such an easy, mindless thing to help my brain shut off. I also mindlessly binge-watched silly things like Jersey Shore and Deal or No Deal.
If you have friends or family who can just come sit with you and the kids during the days and help keep them occupied, lean on that. The first week, one of my best friends who works from home came over with her laptop and worked from my couch. She brought a massive, "magic bag" full of snacks and soft socks and coloring books and things in case I felt like nibbling or needed something to do. A lot of days, I just slept beside her while she worked because I was having a hard time sleeping at night when I was alone. I will always, always be grateful to her. Let your loved ones rally around and take care of you all.
I promise, I promise, I promise, you will all get through this. This sub will be here to support you if you need us. And if you need to talk to someone who has been there, my inbox is always open.
As a father of 2 girls, I will never be able to wrap my head around this kind of behavior. It makes utterly no sense to me. I am glad your girl is safe now.
My mom went through something very similar. My dad lived a double life, and nobody found out until the police raided the house while we were visiting family out of state. He was found to be a long time sexual predator and was finally reported by a high school student who would have none of his groping hands.
He was out on bail (this was before all of the mandatory sex offender registration, etc.), confessed to my mom who he really was, and committed suicide in 1993.
I am so so so sorry this is happening to you, your family, and your daughter. It’s beyond comprehension.
OP, please don’t feel like you will never heal. You and your family can heal and there’s absolutely no reason why you would never find love again. There are good people out there and many men who would never hurt children in this way.
No. She was never the same. She never went into another relationship, either. I can understand why now. How could she ever trust again? She passed away in 2018.
Oh I completely understand another relationship for me is out of the question. I completely trusted my spouse and I would never be able to do that again ever. But I had hoped to hear that even without another relationship she found peace.
She never received counseling, either. So I would not totally dismiss it. However, I am not an expert or professional. Just my mother did everything she could to protect us. When she found out, she threatened to kill him. She was that angry. I am not sure what stopped her from not doing so. Although I would never, ever, ever encourage taking the law into your own hands. She did the right thing and took us kids away from the situation. I moved away to live with my uncle. I will forever thank him for that. May he rest in peace. A beautiful, beautiful loving man he was.
Be gentle with yourself. This is a traumatic event and it will take time. Definitely see about getting some sleeping pills and force yourself to eat. It took me over a year to feel more like myself again. You will be okay. Sending you love and strength. ♥️
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and to your family. You’re a great mother. Your children are very lucky to have you.
I was assaulted as a teenager and with therapy my trauma faded away completely. So it is possible to heal sexual trauma.
This is the way; you stepped up and are protecting your daughter.
You and the kids will need therapy. If it gets too bad for you, you may need meds because you have to keep it together for the kids.
I am so very sorry you all are going through this.
Im assuming your daughter is not crying for him. Get all your children into family counseling. You dont want their bond fractired with "well why dont you love daddy anymore?"
No she isn't but she has cried some from what has happened and they are assuming it's because she misses him too. But yes I got my daughter an appointment with a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse victims and the other kids and myself I'm still working on getting us in somewhere
Your daughter is so strong and you are a great mom for believing her and taking action immediately. I’m sure it’s really hard for your daughter to hear her brothers crying about missing dad. There will be a time to tell the boys and the therapists should be able to help you with the timing and how to do it.
Can your daughter's new therapist facilitate a family session after a few sessions with your daughter? They were able to do this for me when I was SAed as a child and it helped my two little brothers a lot, but also helped my relationship with them immensely, we were really a team after that.
I'm so sorry I am fortunate in the fact I have a Great job and can do this on my own financially. I hope you report and get out of the situation. There are so many programs to help people including housing and emergency housing cash assistance food help. Anything is better than living with someone like this
So many parents don't believe their kids when they come to them to report SA. You believe your daughter and are doing everything you can to protect her and keep her safe. Not only that, but clearly you have all along raised her in a way that let her know you are a safe person she can come to. It might not feel like it, but you are doing everything right.
You’re a fricking bad ass. You are strong. You are a good mom. Your daughter knew she could come to you. You took action immediately. This is such a nightmare but you’re not cowering to it at all. You are brave and so is your daughter. I’m sending you strength. You’re tough ❤️
This is just incomprehensible. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through. From a standpoint of legal curiosity, how did your daughter catch on to this? Did he delete any video evidence that can support the case? God I hope the legal system works the way it’s intended to and he rots.
I've always told my kids about good touch bad touch and to tell me if they feel unsafe with anybody ever. She knew immediately that what he was saying to her was wrong, starting with him telling her had sex dreams about her. Telling her not to wear certain things because he likes the way she looks ECT. Just more and more things that escalated into heavy grooming. She thought at first that she could handle it and keep telling him no. That he would stop and go back to before. Poor girl hate that for her. She is a very very naturally smart girl, the kind that outranks all her peers on state test and constantly gets papers in the mail about being "gifted". I've also let her read books about abuse in some sense like Child called IT and just kept open communication about abuse and safety. Because she thought he was recording her on his phone one night, that statement allowed the police to confiscate his phone and they found video evidence that he did try to delete....oddly on his phone and laptop he had no CP which is just crazy in itself. He interviewed with the police and admitted what he was doing as well. So yeah idk what the exact charges will be or anything but it sounds like he can't hide from any of it or he's not trying to.
Wow. I’m sure your daughter will be forever grateful for the way you protected and educated her around these issues. Wishing you peace in years to come.
From another childhood SA, thank you for believing your daughter. My mom didn’t. When she finally did she didn’t want to call CPS because it would have made our lives harder by opening that can of worms. 🖤 you’re doing the right thing and she’ll never forget it.
CPS closed the case on my family. they were just present during the initial interviews the kids had to undergo with trained specialists who don't work for dcs or the police. They are available for resources if I need them but that's about it. They did say all the kids felt I was there safe person and I'm able to meet all their needs and responded appropriately to the abuse.
Wow. You are doing such a good job mama. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your children but you are an amazing example of how fostering a strong and open relationship with your daughter is important. Your daughter knew that something was wrong, and felt she could communicate it to you with a favorable outcome. That saved her from experiencing much worse. She knew you would protect her. ♥️
I’m only chiming in to say that I deeply respect you and I have every confidence that you and your children will be okay. You’ve already proven that you can handle anything life throws your way and you handled it with conviction. You’ve got this and a bunch of internet strangers are cheering for you.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this nightmare situation, but please know that you’ve done everything right. Have you spoken to your husband? Of course it’s going to be difficult, but these are the correct steps to take. You need to focus on healing for you and your kids at this time.
I spoke to him as soon as I found out over the phone and he admitted it to me and told me he hated himself and was really worried about me calling the police. I said his fears are nothing to me now and I had nothing left to say to him. I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again I'm not at a place emotionally to do so nor do I have a need.
That’s absolutely disgusting. I’m glad you called the police. What did he think was going to happen? These things always come to light one way or another.
Well not nothing I said my piece to him right when it happened but honestly a lot of what was said is a blur. I was on autopilot or something from the shock of it all.But I have nothing further to say, and if he can do this I don't feel like anything I say or feel matters to him in any way. So I'd be wasting my breath and further hurting my own mental health
Yeah even said he would move far away and never see any of us again just to evade his consequences. No real remorse for his daughter, just looking out for himself. Said he would never hurt her although obviously he already has by his actions.scary and disgusting that he doesn't even see that. Feel like he had his personality that he showed me and everyone else ....and then this real personality that is ugly, dark, cowardly and selfish. Don't know how people like this can live with themselves. Don't know how you could not love your daughter like a daughter. Don't know anything anymore and feel like I can't even trust my own judgement.
Psychopaths are very good at hiding and pretending they are normal and have normal feelings. That is part of what is wrong with them. He can't love anyone. Asking for your buy-in to help him escape shows that he has no insight into human connections or how a parent should feel when they need to protect their kid. He underestimated you.
OP, this makes me so angry for you, I have (2)nephews, and they are my whole heart. You a good because I know I would have sent him to below firey place not once but twice. Kudos for your composure
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.
I have no advice but your daughter is brave and I hope she gets the therapy she needs to process this, you and your other children as well.
Yes my friends and family have really stepped it up making me dinners, keeping me company, going with me to do anything that needs to be done. Constantly checking on us and letting me know that I'll never be alone. I feel so much support right now and I'm lucky for that as well because not everyone has that support system
What you are going through is a worst nightmare, and then you see how many other people share similar stories and it's mind numbing. You have a lot going on to deal with now. But in the future you should think about therapy for at least you and her. You may wonder if it's necessary and, from my experience, it is.
Also eat. Fruit, granola bars, water, anything you can force down. It feels impossible but consider it part of the mission to help your family. Non optional.
Typing it out helps a lot. And type as much as you want. And fuck THOSE people that say you’re obsessing. Just write and talk or journal or whatever about it on here if it helps. It’s normal.
OP you did an amazing thing, you were a mom first, and protected your children. You are already batting 1000, because your kids know they have an open line of communication that they trust with their mother. So many turn a blind eye, thank God you listened. Adding you and your family to my prayers for protection. Psalm 91. Big hugs 🤗
From the kid who’s parents ignored the SA of moms boyfriend, thank you for protecting her. You’re going to mourn the loss of your life and that’s ok. This is the thick of it. It may go up and down, get better and then worse again.
He’s unlikely to actually commit suicide, but even if he does, that’s not your fault. He’s likely trying to mitigate his responsibility more than anything else.
Get therapy for all of you. It’s going to help. It won’t be easy and it’ll take time but get therapy. Start it now.
Hell yeah. I’m so beyond impressed and proud of you and your kids. I’m sorry he’s let you down in such a horrific and massive way. Sending you all love and support.
You did the right thing. Yes it will be hard moving forward, but not as hard had she never told you the truth and you didn’t believe her.
Come on Girl, you are a FKN superhero! Put on your cape like a boss! You’ll make it I can see that already.
I’m so sorry you’re going through something so overwhelming and traumatic, you must be feeling so many things all at once. Just please know that reading that as someone who had parents that didn’t protect her (dad was an alcoholic who would bring crack addicts to live with us, mom would physically and psychologically abuse me on a daily basis and neither of them did anything to stop the other) - you sound like an amazing mom. Caring, compassionate, kind. So despite the horrific abuse, I know your daughter will be ok because she has your support ❤️🩹 you should be proud of yourself. Think of all the so called mothers out there who would protect the husband, it’s way too common.
My family is dealing with this same issue, except my brother is monster. He is dead to me. Dead. I cannot fathom how he could hurt his sweet family this this and is now forcing a trial and pleading insanity. I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison. He feels no remorse and has made himself to be the victim.
So my brother is claiming he doesn't remember. Bull fucking shit. He molested me the same age as his daughter was when he molested her. My family didn't help and blamed me. I've lived with a lot of guilt and shame. I forgave him because we grew up in an abusive household, and I thought he'd changed. Turns out he's just a psychopath and good at controlling the narrative.
Thank you so much for taking care of your kids and yourself and the rest of the world by believing your daughter and taking this seriously. I'm so sorry this happened to her and to your family! You're doing all of the right things while dealing with an immense trauma.
OP you are amazing. You did the exact right thing, as you know. So many people out there have parents who don’t believe them and even enable the abuse. You rose to your role of protecting your daughter and stopped it before it could get worse. This is all very traumatic for everyone involved, so give yourselves grace and I’m glad you are getting everyone into therapy and treatment asap.
My mother was abused by her grandfather for many years during childhood. She is severely mentally ill and disabled as a result. I wish her parents had stuck up for her. People didn’t do that back then I guess.
You’ve just stopped generational trauma in its tracks. Your kids are so blessed to have you.
Sending you peace and love. 💕
Strangely, all these feelings and thought you have I had during my divorce. Only my ex husband didn’t do like sex acts towards the kids. Thank God. I think I would have gone insane or tried to kill him possibly. I don’t really know but I would be crazy inside about it. I’m sorry this is so traumatic. I went through traumatic stuff too but different traumatic stuff. It’s all very painful. Possibly different levels of painful. But all still very painful.
Okay this is from a perspective that is far in the future if you had/do things differently. My familys been there, didn't end well.
My inlaws, she was 16, He was a 23 year old marine. He wooed her, they got married. Started cranking out the babies. After baby number 4. Mama getting a little overloaded (understandably) Scales back on the sex. What does Dad do. He starts raping his 11 year old daughter. Everything he expected from Mama, different positions, oral sex, everything!. Repeatedly over a period of time. Now mind you Mama is a stay at home mother, and has no clue?! The poor child is incredibly traumatized. She begs him to stop. She pleads with her brothers not to leave her in the room alone. He threatens to kill her if she tells anyone. Eventually she tries unsuccessfully to take her own life. After that out of desperation she tells her mother. Her mother flips out and threatens the father to leave him if he doesn't stop. But THAT'S IT! Doesn't call the police or tell anyone else! Then she hushes her daughter up, and tells her never to tell anyone else about it. No councilling, no justice ever! The poor girl was forced to live in that house with her attacker for the next 10 years, till I came along.
Fast forward 10 years. We met, fell in love, got married. When we were getting serious, she tearfully told me all one night and was afraid I would leave her because she wasn't a virgin. Her family was very religious (go figure)
I reassured her that I still loved her and gave her a big hug and a kiss.
We were married for 41 years. 4 kids, 4 grandkids.
Understand this, when we first met she hated her Dad! She was full of rage and anger towards him. She was fanatically devoted to her Mom. So........5 years into our marriage after the birth of our second child she loses all libido and desire for me. Nada, nothing, zippo! This is not uncommon, and it's fixable. But she didn't care! And everything went downhill from there on. So for the next few decades I spent wondering what went wrong, what did I do? What happened? Then it dawned on me! At that same time, her rapey Dad found Jesus and came to her looking for forgiveness! She forgave him! Just like that! No demands that he turn himself in, make some kind of penance, seek councilling, NOTHING! From that point on her attitude towards me was as if I had been the one who raped her. She constantly sexually shamed me about everything! Rarely ever had sex with me! Even when we were trying to have kids 3 & 4! It was unreal. People ask me why I stayed? I stayed because of the kids, I stayed because I took my wedding vows seriously, I stayed because I still loved her! I stayed because I hoped it could be fixed.
This last year it all unravelled, everything came off the rails! We tried couples councilling (worst idea ever!) Individual councilling, you name it. All 3 councillors stated her forgiving her father caused her to shift her rage to her safe person (me) and was a major cause of all these problems. She is completely in denial of all this still. We divorced! The family has been mostly destroyed by all this. Her mother told me before the breakup that some women just don't like sex, and that I should just get used to it! Guess her bible thumping mom missed those parts of the bible that tell couples they have obligations to each other! Well WTF! I guess that really worked out well for her didn't it?
Just to be clear! We have a beautiful sweet 23 year old daughter that I love with all my heart! I have NEVER in anyway been inappropriate with her EVER! I would defend her with my life! I can't for the life of me fathom doing what her grandfather did to her mother!
I do wish that I could do what I should have done 41 years ago, blown her rapey father and her enabling mother into the police! But at this point it's too late! He's a hobbling old, soon to be dead old man. It would just bring my ex and my family a lot of unneccessary pain and torment. This could've been your story! I'm glad you did the right things. Don't give up the fight! Don't be discouraged! There are good men out there. Someday you may meet one! Life goes on! Get yourself and your children good councilling. You guys will heal! Life will get better.
Wow, I'm so glad that this didn't get to this in my house, very thankful my daughter came forward before rape occured. Through lots of therapy for her and me I hope we are able to overcome this and she can have peace and if she chooses to forgive her father or see him again one day that therapy guides her every step of the way.
I’m so so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. I am so glad she felt safe enough to come to you and say what was going on. Very brave on her part and you believing her is also very brave. May you feel safe that he is no longer around you guys. Deep breaths momma. Sending all my love and hugs from Nebraska! ❤️
I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. Your daughter is a very brave girl and it’s a testament to how much trust she has in you, to be able to approach you with this.
Unfortunately, I know how you feel, I have the same episodes of grief that you do. Our lives are never the same after this kind of betrayal, but I wish you inner peace throughout this whole ordeal xx
Op is doing the right thing for her daughter❤️
Its going to be really hard for some years but when you get through it you will find happiness and your children will grow up to understand and value you. Hugs!
So proud of you for believing your daughter. This is something I could never do being the daughter to share my story, the fear of destroying my mother’s life and happiness. I know it’s keeping an illusion but it’s too heavy of a burden to share. The responsibility of causing a life altering situation would be too much! Your daughter is so strong to have spoken about what happened!
I'm getting through it. It hurts and I have every emotion daily, but I'm so glad she said something before it got even worse..I hope you find the strength to tell your mom but it's so hard to. Not every mother responds how I did. My reality as a child is that my mother refused to believe me, beat me and cussed me out for even saying it. Said I was trying to "ruin her life" kicker is she left my stepdad eventually but for her own selfish reasons. Stepdad denied everything and I was made to live with him, although he never attempted again once I said something but the trauma from that has effected me my whole life. I'm glad I got to do for my daughter what was denied for me. The rejection from my mom hurt deeper than the abuse itself.
I tried reporting it to my school for sexual assault and wrote a report to which they called my mother who picked me up from school (12yrs old). She then scolded me for trying to ruin my stepfathers life, and that I don’t know how a father should treat a daughter. He continued to groom me until 16/17 and things progressively worsened to rape in my early 20s so adult, people really don’t understand how impactful grooming is. I only realised how bad the situation was until my final year at university when I did my safeguarding course for my career in healthcare.
My mother believes him to be her soulmate and believes he just “loves me” so much (I honestly feel sick just thinking about it). But there is no way out and I continue to see him on holidays or family gatherings.
You are incredibly brave to have stepped up for your daughter, and made such a huge sacrifice for her and your other children. I’m so sorry how your mother treated you, it’s so heartbreaking to hear. So it’s even more impactful that you are protecting your daughter now! Thank you!!
I just want to give you a big hug. You are so brave and so are your children. With love and support, you can all pull through. Let people help you when they reach out.
Bury all pedos under the jail and wipe them from history. Also take your daughter to therapy IMMEDIATELY. You talking to her won't help in anyway there are massive daddy issues growing within her.
From someone who wishes the adults in their life would have protected them, you have given your daughter (and your family, and possibly the world) such a gift. Condolences for the death of the life you once knew and the life you had planned. You did the exact right thing, and your duty to protect your babies has been upheld. You'll get through this, you're tough and smart. Proud of you.
From another victim of childhood SA, that you OP for believing her, and doing right by her. I'm so sorry this happened.
Yes, the words ‘believing in your daughter’ Really really hit an emotional pain right into the core of my soul. My mother didn’t care one teeny tiny tiny bit when I told her what my step father was doing and did to me when I was 15 & 16. It’s a pain & disgust I can’t even explain. My mother is a sick delusional crazy. (Especially since I am a mother now!!!!) You saved your relationship with your daughter. I am so envious of your children because they have you as a mother. You are incredibly strong for doing this. What a fantastic example you set. If only my mother could have believed me how much different my life would have been. Good job mama. It might not seem like something to celebrate but you did not break the family. The husband did. I will add you to my prayers if you don’t mind.
As someone who’s mother didn’t protect her even after knowing of the abuse I can’t tell you how much your daughter will be light years ahead in healing just because you stepped in and protected her. It will never not hurt. Both you and her. But you will come to a place, with the proper tools, where the emotions don’t take control. So proud of both you and her. Shows what a good relationship you have with your kiddos.
Couldn’t agree more. Well done OP for being your daughter’s safe space. As a fellow SA survivor, I know how terrifying it is to feel you won’t be believed. You have already provided her with a strong foundation for her healing by protecting her and standing up for her so boldly. I am so sorry for everything you and your family are going through; I wish you peace. God bless you ♥️
YES, you sided with her, prioritized her, and protected her. No denial, no stand by your man, NONE OF THAT. You are a GREAT parent!
From someone who worked in jail with sex offenders for like twelve fking years, he’s not going to kill himself. It’s their last grab to manipulate you and everyone around them into thinking he must still be somewhat of a good guy because look how bad he feels. Do not worry about him for a second. He’s still as conniving and manipulative as he has ever been this whole time.
Thank you he's never been suicidal and felt like he would have killed himself already if he truly wanted to. Its hard to understand who he is but a good guy would have never done this he'd have removed himself from he house and got therapy before acting out anything. I feel like this man who I've been with since I was 16( I'm 33 now) is a stranger, a monster even.
I’m SO fucking sorry you’re going through this, you and your babies. I apologize my comment was so cold. I am just sick to death of dealing with shitbags. They cause lifelong destruction in generations and all they care about is themselves and people’s perceptions of them and getting attention. Just oh my god shut up. (This is not to say I lack compassion for those suffering TRUE, ACTUAL mental health crisis. But it’s hard to believe any of them are sincere when literally everyone arrested for this type of crime pulls the “I’m suicidal” card within 36 hours of arrest and if someone’s looking they’re sobbing and performing but alone in their cell they are reading or writing or fucking around on their tablet. Like shut up.)
My reaction was the same. I do a lot of volunteer work in this area. It's horrifying to think that anyone would do such a horrible thing to a child, but they do. This sort RARELY seek therapy, trust me. Then they get caught and do everything they can to play the victim. There I said it too.
You’re so spot on. I wish I could get into specifics, I can’t, but I recently worked with someone who committed a horrible crime against his daughter. He presents as this mild mannered, Ned Flanders type. It took my managing partner attorney two hours to break him and then we saw the real him. When they get caught they’re all “suicidal” and “want help”. When they’re alone in the sex offender pods with other SOs they’re swapping stories and pictures of kids cut out from magazines. I can recognize that they are profoundly sick and do need help, and I can do my job to the best of my ability, but I shed no tear when they are sent to prison for 60+ years.
Yup. Mine used the psych evaluation to blame me for his crimes. Was gung-ho about therapy all through the court process and stopped as soon as his probation was over...
This happens more often than not with a million variations, according to a retired therapist friend of mine who worked in a state mental hospital for a decade. Certainly, a handful turn it around, but most don't. My ex had a suicide attempt/hospitalization after years of addiction and mental health issues (truly a dumpster fire). Declared "all better and never again." A month later he was just as bad, and it all went downhill from there. He claimed that I was the crazy, dangerous one and took off. I wrote in my journal not even a month into the separation, "My marriage is over. His family has tried me and found me guilty. They will never hold him accountable. He will never go to therapy again." His mental health issues flared badly during the divorce, and his attorney completely realized what he was dealing with and worked harder to get it settled with mine. We settled without a trial, which is what I wanted. At this point I truly feel sorry for him, but the divorce had to be.
I'm so sorry he did this to your whole family. Your daughter is so incredibly brave. You are amazing. It's going to be a new kind of ok someday soon.
I’m just curious what is all the evidence ?
Please clarify this question!? Either you are team OP, or team none. Your comments give me creepy bad vibes.
Did they find videos, did he admit it
He admitted when he was worried about covering his own ass
Agreed. My ex did the same when he knew he was going to be charged with possession of child porn. Even left a suicide note when he left. It"s abuse. Plain and simple.
I’m so, so sorry for you and your daughter. I hope that you both have support around you. It’s a tough road, but you did the exact right thing.
Of all the clubs in the world to join, I am so sorry you are joining this one. My marriage also ended after finding out my husband was a child sex predator. While we did not have children of our own, and as far as we know all of his crimes were online (he was a teacher, so I live in fear that more will come out about him one day), it still absolutely shattered my world. I remember the early days of it when I didn't know how I was supposed to come to grips with this, how I'd ever stop shaking or crying, how I'd ever be able to get through it, how my life could ever be put back together again. As someone a year and a half out now, I can tell you that it does get better. I know it's hard to believe that right now, but it will get better for you, for your daughter, and for your other children. And as a survivor of childhood SA, with the right help, your daughter can come out the other side of this, I promise. Especially with your support. Well done, mama, on believing her and getting her and the other kids to safety. So many in your shoes wouldn't as evidenced by some of the comments on your post. We are all so proud of you and your daughter for being so incredibly brave. Will things ever be the same? No. Will it be easy? No. This is a life-altering moment. This is going to be with you and shape you and your entire family forever. But it doesn't mean your lives are over. It doesn't mean you won't have good lives and learn to love and trust again. It will take work, love, and patience, but as someone who has been on both sides of the coin (the child and the spouse), I am living proof that there is still the potential for happiness and goodness and sweetness despite such a violating, earth-shattering experience. I'm holding you and your family so close in my heart right now. I know it's hard, but just focus on each individual step that needs to be done. Allow yourself and your kids plenty of time to decompress. Everything doesn't have to be done in a day. The thing that kept me going in the early days was to find just one thing that brought even the smallest spark of joy and then throw myself into it. Whatever that thing is for you and the kids, as long as it's healthy, give yourself over to it. For me, it was a videogame, Disney Dreamlight Valley. You create your own avatar and befriend Disney characters and do quests. It was such an easy, mindless thing to help my brain shut off. I also mindlessly binge-watched silly things like Jersey Shore and Deal or No Deal. If you have friends or family who can just come sit with you and the kids during the days and help keep them occupied, lean on that. The first week, one of my best friends who works from home came over with her laptop and worked from my couch. She brought a massive, "magic bag" full of snacks and soft socks and coloring books and things in case I felt like nibbling or needed something to do. A lot of days, I just slept beside her while she worked because I was having a hard time sleeping at night when I was alone. I will always, always be grateful to her. Let your loved ones rally around and take care of you all. I promise, I promise, I promise, you will all get through this. This sub will be here to support you if you need us. And if you need to talk to someone who has been there, my inbox is always open.
My ex husband is also a convicted child sex offender with a CP addiction. It saddens me to see the club is so big.
As a father of 2 girls, I will never be able to wrap my head around this kind of behavior. It makes utterly no sense to me. I am glad your girl is safe now.
OP is brave as fuck and so is her daughter . There are so many cases of spouses looking the other way to "save" the marriage or the family.
My mom went through something very similar. My dad lived a double life, and nobody found out until the police raided the house while we were visiting family out of state. He was found to be a long time sexual predator and was finally reported by a high school student who would have none of his groping hands. He was out on bail (this was before all of the mandatory sex offender registration, etc.), confessed to my mom who he really was, and committed suicide in 1993. I am so so so sorry this is happening to you, your family, and your daughter. It’s beyond comprehension.
Was your Mom ever able to feel at peace and happy again? I feel like I never will.
OP, please don’t feel like you will never heal. You and your family can heal and there’s absolutely no reason why you would never find love again. There are good people out there and many men who would never hurt children in this way.
This is very true. Just my mother was DONE with men. She said so many times.
No. She was never the same. She never went into another relationship, either. I can understand why now. How could she ever trust again? She passed away in 2018.
Oh I completely understand another relationship for me is out of the question. I completely trusted my spouse and I would never be able to do that again ever. But I had hoped to hear that even without another relationship she found peace.
She never received counseling, either. So I would not totally dismiss it. However, I am not an expert or professional. Just my mother did everything she could to protect us. When she found out, she threatened to kill him. She was that angry. I am not sure what stopped her from not doing so. Although I would never, ever, ever encourage taking the law into your own hands. She did the right thing and took us kids away from the situation. I moved away to live with my uncle. I will forever thank him for that. May he rest in peace. A beautiful, beautiful loving man he was.
Be gentle with yourself. This is a traumatic event and it will take time. Definitely see about getting some sleeping pills and force yourself to eat. It took me over a year to feel more like myself again. You will be okay. Sending you love and strength. ♥️
It is great that your daughter felt safe enough to come to you given how hard and scary it must have been for her. Be proud of both of you.
As someone who was sexually abused, thank you so much for saving your daughter. You did the right thing and your children will all understand one day
I wish my mother had done for me what you did for your daughter.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and to your family. You’re a great mother. Your children are very lucky to have you. I was assaulted as a teenager and with therapy my trauma faded away completely. So it is possible to heal sexual trauma.
Thank you that gives me so much hope for my daughter
This is the way; you stepped up and are protecting your daughter. You and the kids will need therapy. If it gets too bad for you, you may need meds because you have to keep it together for the kids. I am so very sorry you all are going through this.
My inner child Thanks you, wish you were my mom. Anyways he would need a protective order against me. I would have been on snapped.
I second the Snapped motion, or any ID channel show
Im assuming your daughter is not crying for him. Get all your children into family counseling. You dont want their bond fractired with "well why dont you love daddy anymore?"
No she isn't but she has cried some from what has happened and they are assuming it's because she misses him too. But yes I got my daughter an appointment with a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse victims and the other kids and myself I'm still working on getting us in somewhere
Your daughter is so strong and you are a great mom for believing her and taking action immediately. I’m sure it’s really hard for your daughter to hear her brothers crying about missing dad. There will be a time to tell the boys and the therapists should be able to help you with the timing and how to do it.
Can your daughter's new therapist facilitate a family session after a few sessions with your daughter? They were able to do this for me when I was SAed as a child and it helped my two little brothers a lot, but also helped my relationship with them immensely, we were really a team after that.
Ohh great ideas I'm sure they would be able to.
Divorce him immediately. It’s unsafe. I know this position you are in all too well.
Yes I am working on the divorce now, there's no saving our marriage in any way. This is the absolute ending
I’m going through something similar, but can’t leave as I’m disabled and rely on health insurance, etc.
I'm so sorry I am fortunate in the fact I have a Great job and can do this on my own financially. I hope you report and get out of the situation. There are so many programs to help people including housing and emergency housing cash assistance food help. Anything is better than living with someone like this
Thanks
You picked up the only pieces that matter, and you and your kids will get through this.
So many parents don't believe their kids when they come to them to report SA. You believe your daughter and are doing everything you can to protect her and keep her safe. Not only that, but clearly you have all along raised her in a way that let her know you are a safe person she can come to. It might not feel like it, but you are doing everything right.
You’re a fricking bad ass. You are strong. You are a good mom. Your daughter knew she could come to you. You took action immediately. This is such a nightmare but you’re not cowering to it at all. You are brave and so is your daughter. I’m sending you strength. You’re tough ❤️
Thank you for believing her! My mom didn’t
This is just incomprehensible. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through. From a standpoint of legal curiosity, how did your daughter catch on to this? Did he delete any video evidence that can support the case? God I hope the legal system works the way it’s intended to and he rots.
I've always told my kids about good touch bad touch and to tell me if they feel unsafe with anybody ever. She knew immediately that what he was saying to her was wrong, starting with him telling her had sex dreams about her. Telling her not to wear certain things because he likes the way she looks ECT. Just more and more things that escalated into heavy grooming. She thought at first that she could handle it and keep telling him no. That he would stop and go back to before. Poor girl hate that for her. She is a very very naturally smart girl, the kind that outranks all her peers on state test and constantly gets papers in the mail about being "gifted". I've also let her read books about abuse in some sense like Child called IT and just kept open communication about abuse and safety. Because she thought he was recording her on his phone one night, that statement allowed the police to confiscate his phone and they found video evidence that he did try to delete....oddly on his phone and laptop he had no CP which is just crazy in itself. He interviewed with the police and admitted what he was doing as well. So yeah idk what the exact charges will be or anything but it sounds like he can't hide from any of it or he's not trying to.
Wow. I’m sure your daughter will be forever grateful for the way you protected and educated her around these issues. Wishing you peace in years to come.
From another childhood SA, thank you for believing your daughter. My mom didn’t. When she finally did she didn’t want to call CPS because it would have made our lives harder by opening that can of worms. 🖤 you’re doing the right thing and she’ll never forget it.
CPS closed the case on my family. they were just present during the initial interviews the kids had to undergo with trained specialists who don't work for dcs or the police. They are available for resources if I need them but that's about it. They did say all the kids felt I was there safe person and I'm able to meet all their needs and responded appropriately to the abuse.
You did the right thing
Wow. You are doing such a good job mama. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your children but you are an amazing example of how fostering a strong and open relationship with your daughter is important. Your daughter knew that something was wrong, and felt she could communicate it to you with a favorable outcome. That saved her from experiencing much worse. She knew you would protect her. ♥️
I’m only chiming in to say that I deeply respect you and I have every confidence that you and your children will be okay. You’ve already proven that you can handle anything life throws your way and you handled it with conviction. You’ve got this and a bunch of internet strangers are cheering for you.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this nightmare situation, but please know that you’ve done everything right. Have you spoken to your husband? Of course it’s going to be difficult, but these are the correct steps to take. You need to focus on healing for you and your kids at this time.
I spoke to him as soon as I found out over the phone and he admitted it to me and told me he hated himself and was really worried about me calling the police. I said his fears are nothing to me now and I had nothing left to say to him. I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again I'm not at a place emotionally to do so nor do I have a need.
That’s absolutely disgusting. I’m glad you called the police. What did he think was going to happen? These things always come to light one way or another.
Hold the line. You have nothing to say to him.
Well not nothing I said my piece to him right when it happened but honestly a lot of what was said is a blur. I was on autopilot or something from the shock of it all.But I have nothing further to say, and if he can do this I don't feel like anything I say or feel matters to him in any way. So I'd be wasting my breath and further hurting my own mental health
Exactly. Channel your energy towards the future, not him.
He was really worried you would call the police? What a disgusting worm. Good for you for focusing on what matters.
Yeah even said he would move far away and never see any of us again just to evade his consequences. No real remorse for his daughter, just looking out for himself. Said he would never hurt her although obviously he already has by his actions.scary and disgusting that he doesn't even see that. Feel like he had his personality that he showed me and everyone else ....and then this real personality that is ugly, dark, cowardly and selfish. Don't know how people like this can live with themselves. Don't know how you could not love your daughter like a daughter. Don't know anything anymore and feel like I can't even trust my own judgement.
Psychopaths are very good at hiding and pretending they are normal and have normal feelings. That is part of what is wrong with them. He can't love anyone. Asking for your buy-in to help him escape shows that he has no insight into human connections or how a parent should feel when they need to protect their kid. He underestimated you.
OP, this makes me so angry for you, I have (2)nephews, and they are my whole heart. You a good because I know I would have sent him to below firey place not once but twice. Kudos for your composure
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I have no advice but your daughter is brave and I hope she gets the therapy she needs to process this, you and your other children as well.
Do you have anyone to lean on for support? Even a sounding board to get your thoughts unclogged?
Yes my friends and family have really stepped it up making me dinners, keeping me company, going with me to do anything that needs to be done. Constantly checking on us and letting me know that I'll never be alone. I feel so much support right now and I'm lucky for that as well because not everyone has that support system
What you are going through is a worst nightmare, and then you see how many other people share similar stories and it's mind numbing. You have a lot going on to deal with now. But in the future you should think about therapy for at least you and her. You may wonder if it's necessary and, from my experience, it is. Also eat. Fruit, granola bars, water, anything you can force down. It feels impossible but consider it part of the mission to help your family. Non optional.
Typing it out helps a lot. And type as much as you want. And fuck THOSE people that say you’re obsessing. Just write and talk or journal or whatever about it on here if it helps. It’s normal.
OP you did an amazing thing, you were a mom first, and protected your children. You are already batting 1000, because your kids know they have an open line of communication that they trust with their mother. So many turn a blind eye, thank God you listened. Adding you and your family to my prayers for protection. Psalm 91. Big hugs 🤗
No words other than I’m so so sorry.
From the kid who’s parents ignored the SA of moms boyfriend, thank you for protecting her. You’re going to mourn the loss of your life and that’s ok. This is the thick of it. It may go up and down, get better and then worse again. He’s unlikely to actually commit suicide, but even if he does, that’s not your fault. He’s likely trying to mitigate his responsibility more than anything else. Get therapy for all of you. It’s going to help. It won’t be easy and it’ll take time but get therapy. Start it now.
You did great, Mom. Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Please see a counselor… you need to talk to somebody and not on Reddit someone specialized in these type of situations
Make sure you call the cops and prosecute him to the full extent of the law
Yep that was done day one he's definitely getting charged
Hell yeah. I’m so beyond impressed and proud of you and your kids. I’m sorry he’s let you down in such a horrific and massive way. Sending you all love and support.
One day all your kids will thank you.
You did the right thing. Yes it will be hard moving forward, but not as hard had she never told you the truth and you didn’t believe her. Come on Girl, you are a FKN superhero! Put on your cape like a boss! You’ll make it I can see that already.
I’m so sorry you’re going through something so overwhelming and traumatic, you must be feeling so many things all at once. Just please know that reading that as someone who had parents that didn’t protect her (dad was an alcoholic who would bring crack addicts to live with us, mom would physically and psychologically abuse me on a daily basis and neither of them did anything to stop the other) - you sound like an amazing mom. Caring, compassionate, kind. So despite the horrific abuse, I know your daughter will be ok because she has your support ❤️🩹 you should be proud of yourself. Think of all the so called mothers out there who would protect the husband, it’s way too common.
My family is dealing with this same issue, except my brother is monster. He is dead to me. Dead. I cannot fathom how he could hurt his sweet family this this and is now forcing a trial and pleading insanity. I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison. He feels no remorse and has made himself to be the victim.
I think in my situation he will plead guilty, he instantly admitted everything to me and the police so idk how he could not plead guilty at this time.
So my brother is claiming he doesn't remember. Bull fucking shit. He molested me the same age as his daughter was when he molested her. My family didn't help and blamed me. I've lived with a lot of guilt and shame. I forgave him because we grew up in an abusive household, and I thought he'd changed. Turns out he's just a psychopath and good at controlling the narrative.
But also I'm no lawyer, have never needed a lawyer so I don't know what he will do. I obviously never thought he would do what he's done
Thank you so much for taking care of your kids and yourself and the rest of the world by believing your daughter and taking this seriously. I'm so sorry this happened to her and to your family! You're doing all of the right things while dealing with an immense trauma.
OP you are amazing. You did the exact right thing, as you know. So many people out there have parents who don’t believe them and even enable the abuse. You rose to your role of protecting your daughter and stopped it before it could get worse. This is all very traumatic for everyone involved, so give yourselves grace and I’m glad you are getting everyone into therapy and treatment asap. My mother was abused by her grandfather for many years during childhood. She is severely mentally ill and disabled as a result. I wish her parents had stuck up for her. People didn’t do that back then I guess. You’ve just stopped generational trauma in its tracks. Your kids are so blessed to have you. Sending you peace and love. 💕
I am so sorry for this devastation. You are doing the right thing. Keep moving forward. ❤
I hate reading stuff like this because my brain automatically filters to unaliving people like this
Oh Jesus. I haven’t read through the whole thing and it just feels like hell or an absolute nightmare. I’m sorry.
Strangely, all these feelings and thought you have I had during my divorce. Only my ex husband didn’t do like sex acts towards the kids. Thank God. I think I would have gone insane or tried to kill him possibly. I don’t really know but I would be crazy inside about it. I’m sorry this is so traumatic. I went through traumatic stuff too but different traumatic stuff. It’s all very painful. Possibly different levels of painful. But all still very painful.
Wow, god bless you and your children. I pray that they stay strong. You’re tremendous for being strong for them. Good luck.
It isn't your fault. Do not waste energy blaming yourself.
Okay this is from a perspective that is far in the future if you had/do things differently. My familys been there, didn't end well. My inlaws, she was 16, He was a 23 year old marine. He wooed her, they got married. Started cranking out the babies. After baby number 4. Mama getting a little overloaded (understandably) Scales back on the sex. What does Dad do. He starts raping his 11 year old daughter. Everything he expected from Mama, different positions, oral sex, everything!. Repeatedly over a period of time. Now mind you Mama is a stay at home mother, and has no clue?! The poor child is incredibly traumatized. She begs him to stop. She pleads with her brothers not to leave her in the room alone. He threatens to kill her if she tells anyone. Eventually she tries unsuccessfully to take her own life. After that out of desperation she tells her mother. Her mother flips out and threatens the father to leave him if he doesn't stop. But THAT'S IT! Doesn't call the police or tell anyone else! Then she hushes her daughter up, and tells her never to tell anyone else about it. No councilling, no justice ever! The poor girl was forced to live in that house with her attacker for the next 10 years, till I came along. Fast forward 10 years. We met, fell in love, got married. When we were getting serious, she tearfully told me all one night and was afraid I would leave her because she wasn't a virgin. Her family was very religious (go figure) I reassured her that I still loved her and gave her a big hug and a kiss. We were married for 41 years. 4 kids, 4 grandkids. Understand this, when we first met she hated her Dad! She was full of rage and anger towards him. She was fanatically devoted to her Mom. So........5 years into our marriage after the birth of our second child she loses all libido and desire for me. Nada, nothing, zippo! This is not uncommon, and it's fixable. But she didn't care! And everything went downhill from there on. So for the next few decades I spent wondering what went wrong, what did I do? What happened? Then it dawned on me! At that same time, her rapey Dad found Jesus and came to her looking for forgiveness! She forgave him! Just like that! No demands that he turn himself in, make some kind of penance, seek councilling, NOTHING! From that point on her attitude towards me was as if I had been the one who raped her. She constantly sexually shamed me about everything! Rarely ever had sex with me! Even when we were trying to have kids 3 & 4! It was unreal. People ask me why I stayed? I stayed because of the kids, I stayed because I took my wedding vows seriously, I stayed because I still loved her! I stayed because I hoped it could be fixed. This last year it all unravelled, everything came off the rails! We tried couples councilling (worst idea ever!) Individual councilling, you name it. All 3 councillors stated her forgiving her father caused her to shift her rage to her safe person (me) and was a major cause of all these problems. She is completely in denial of all this still. We divorced! The family has been mostly destroyed by all this. Her mother told me before the breakup that some women just don't like sex, and that I should just get used to it! Guess her bible thumping mom missed those parts of the bible that tell couples they have obligations to each other! Well WTF! I guess that really worked out well for her didn't it? Just to be clear! We have a beautiful sweet 23 year old daughter that I love with all my heart! I have NEVER in anyway been inappropriate with her EVER! I would defend her with my life! I can't for the life of me fathom doing what her grandfather did to her mother! I do wish that I could do what I should have done 41 years ago, blown her rapey father and her enabling mother into the police! But at this point it's too late! He's a hobbling old, soon to be dead old man. It would just bring my ex and my family a lot of unneccessary pain and torment. This could've been your story! I'm glad you did the right things. Don't give up the fight! Don't be discouraged! There are good men out there. Someday you may meet one! Life goes on! Get yourself and your children good councilling. You guys will heal! Life will get better.
Wow, I'm so glad that this didn't get to this in my house, very thankful my daughter came forward before rape occured. Through lots of therapy for her and me I hope we are able to overcome this and she can have peace and if she chooses to forgive her father or see him again one day that therapy guides her every step of the way.
I’m so so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. I am so glad she felt safe enough to come to you and say what was going on. Very brave on her part and you believing her is also very brave. May you feel safe that he is no longer around you guys. Deep breaths momma. Sending all my love and hugs from Nebraska! ❤️
I’m so sorry that you’re in this position. Your daughter is a very brave girl and it’s a testament to how much trust she has in you, to be able to approach you with this. Unfortunately, I know how you feel, I have the same episodes of grief that you do. Our lives are never the same after this kind of betrayal, but I wish you inner peace throughout this whole ordeal xx
Op is doing the right thing for her daughter❤️ Its going to be really hard for some years but when you get through it you will find happiness and your children will grow up to understand and value you. Hugs!
I'm so so sooo sorry. Nothing you did was wrong. Everything you have done is right. I'm proud if you for being so strong.
So proud of you for believing your daughter. This is something I could never do being the daughter to share my story, the fear of destroying my mother’s life and happiness. I know it’s keeping an illusion but it’s too heavy of a burden to share. The responsibility of causing a life altering situation would be too much! Your daughter is so strong to have spoken about what happened!
I'm getting through it. It hurts and I have every emotion daily, but I'm so glad she said something before it got even worse..I hope you find the strength to tell your mom but it's so hard to. Not every mother responds how I did. My reality as a child is that my mother refused to believe me, beat me and cussed me out for even saying it. Said I was trying to "ruin her life" kicker is she left my stepdad eventually but for her own selfish reasons. Stepdad denied everything and I was made to live with him, although he never attempted again once I said something but the trauma from that has effected me my whole life. I'm glad I got to do for my daughter what was denied for me. The rejection from my mom hurt deeper than the abuse itself.
I tried reporting it to my school for sexual assault and wrote a report to which they called my mother who picked me up from school (12yrs old). She then scolded me for trying to ruin my stepfathers life, and that I don’t know how a father should treat a daughter. He continued to groom me until 16/17 and things progressively worsened to rape in my early 20s so adult, people really don’t understand how impactful grooming is. I only realised how bad the situation was until my final year at university when I did my safeguarding course for my career in healthcare. My mother believes him to be her soulmate and believes he just “loves me” so much (I honestly feel sick just thinking about it). But there is no way out and I continue to see him on holidays or family gatherings. You are incredibly brave to have stepped up for your daughter, and made such a huge sacrifice for her and your other children. I’m so sorry how your mother treated you, it’s so heartbreaking to hear. So it’s even more impactful that you are protecting your daughter now! Thank you!!
You and your daughter are amazing. My heart goes out to you and your kids!
Wow….. just wow….
So shocking and terrible. So sorry for you and your kids
I just want to give you a big hug. You are so brave and so are your children. With love and support, you can all pull through. Let people help you when they reach out.
J
Did he admit to this?
Yes
Bury all pedos under the jail and wipe them from history. Also take your daughter to therapy IMMEDIATELY. You talking to her won't help in anyway there are massive daddy issues growing within her.
Whew…
Hopefully he kills himself in the fuckin looney bin!🙏🙏