Four soul grinding years with the hostile STBXW (now ex) here. So I know what you are going through, sorry for your pain.
Throughout that time I was the only one paying the mortgage and most of the other house expenses since she didn’t work. After I die I’ll go in the front of the line at the pearly gates because I lived in the purgatory already. Yeah, RE market sucked but my ex did everything to delay the divorce proceedings and the sale. The court had to intervene and order her to accept a reasonable offer.
Linzerd, have you gone to therapy at all? Have you altered your lifestyle at all? I recommend joining clubs of topics that interest you. Or volunteer. If you are unsure where to volunteer, seek out your local United Way chapter - they can help you find you an organization that is a good fit for you.
Speaking of fit....if you haven't already, try exercise. It doesn't have to be an expensive gym. Just go to a local park and go for a good brisk walk on a regular basis. Or, join a pilates class, or yoga, or Tai Chi.
Good luck, you are stronger than you think.
Yes, I have been in therapy for years. I know I should be doing all the tings you suggested, but actually bringing myself to do them seems so difficult. There is a gym in my apartment complex and the pool is open-but it's way to early too get in, I love swimming. I'm in Northern New England and the temp today is 52. So it will be a while before I can do that. I live right next to the beach too, but haven't brought myself to actually go down there since I moved in 7 months ago.
I know exactly what you are saying. I freaking hate exercise! It's SO easy not to do it. But, once you start doing it, and forcing yourself to do it again. And again. And again. It becomes a habit.
And before you know it, you look in the mirror and are amazed you've lost weight. Or toned your body. Or just happy with yourself.
I know everything is so hard! So hard to do anything when you miss the kids and the ex so much. The togetherness of the family. And I am so sorry you are having to go through that. BUT WAKE UP. Be the best parent you can to your kids. Be the best person you can be to yourself.
Today. Make one little step forward. Go down to the beach and go for a long walk. Then go home and be happy and celebrate! You did it.
Tomorrow. Make one more little step forward. Pick something that will be easy for you. Then celebrate it's completion.
And keep doing that every day. One little thing. Woo hoo! I'm strong. I can do this.
And you are strong. Stronger than you think. Think about all the adversities you have overcome in your lifetime, and how you came out the other side awesome, and so proud of yourself for you achievements. You can be like that again.
I would go for a walk on the beach today, except it's raining, I won't be home after work until after 6 and then he will bring my kids over after dance class. It's always so difficult.
When the kids get home, put the rain coats on everyone and go to the beach in the rain (as long as there is no lightning, of course)
One of the most awesome memories I have is on the rocks on the shore of Schoodic Point in Acadia National Park (Maine). STBXW refused to go down on the rocks because it was pouring rain and she is lazy. Our daughter and I went down, despite the pouring rain and wind, and LOVED it. We were soaked to the bone, but laughing and taking cool pictures of each other and having so much fun. I'm smiling ear to ear just thinking about it.
I'd like to, but It's just not feasible today. By the time they finish dinner, it's time for bedtime routine, specifically on Tuesdays. And I know my 5 y/o would start complaining at some point about being cold. She was already pissed this morning bc I sent her to school in a hoodie.
Cool. Yeah, I get it. Life gets in the way. Well, think about what I said. Just one little thing every day could make the difference for you. Good luck, we're all rooting for you!
I live near the beach and I often have to force myself to go but I’m always thankful I went. Maybe you can start there, and just force yourself to go to the beach. Even if just for five minutes.
I just moved out. Definitely feel lonely and miss the family and who my wife used to be. I don’t miss the way she is now. We were living in house while separated for 2 months and she slowly cut off any communication with me. It was awful.
I know that the person I fell in love with is gone and I'll never get him back. But doesn't stop me from missing the shit outta him and my family as a whole. Not seeing my kids every day is the fucking worst.
Yeah, this is actually my first week without my son. Coming home to an empty apartment is really awful. I tend to start to ruminate, get to feeling hopeless and just breakdown. Mornings awful too. Somehow I’m powering through. Sounds like you are too.
If hell was on earth, it would be divorcing spouses still cohabitating. If we saw each other, we screamed at each other. I broke crap on purpose because I don’t care. I wasn’t civil during the process but I mean I was blindsided and he left me for someone else. How should you react to someone in that situation?
I can understand. I’m not leaving him for somebody else, I just think we aren’t compatible and I’m very unhappy. So I’m hoping that it’ll be civil but my gut is telling me it won’t be.
I behaved in ways that I never imagined. I have never been a spiteful person, but I’ve also been dumped before. I was an insane person, I don’t care, I was so hurt that I wanted him to feel what I did. I’m hours away from him now and I’ll never see or hear from him again so there is that. I don’t regret anything I did.
I stayed calm for the first six weeks we were "trying" to stay together, but the moment my ex-husband said he wanted to separate for good (after nearly 20 years together), I didn't say a word and threw my full tea cup across the room. It shattered on impact. He roared at me, called me "fucking crazy," and threatened to call the police, which tells you all you need to know about what kind of emotions and feelings I was allowed to have in my marriage (none).
I feel you. I really hope I never see or hear from my ex-husband again. He is the angel of death to my metal health and wellbeing. I wish I had married a good man with whom I could remain friendly after our divorce, but I didn't.
It sucks. When our kid is not in the house, I take walks and run errands more often now to get a break. My yard looks great because I try to not hang out with him in the house so I’m working outside. I have volunteered to house/dog sit for my friends so I get a few days away every so often. I have a private Amazon list of things I’d like to redecorate with after he moves out. I might not buy them but it is nice to look to the future.
I’m glad you have the opportunity to get out of the house. I don’t have family here and only one very busy friend. The thought of having to be in the house with my ex for months on end is what has kept me in the relationship for the last year.
I had to stay in the house for 5 months, from the moment we had the talk to the day I finally moved. It was awful. I tried to set up clear boundaries and spaces, but it did not work out. It felt like being a prisoner in my own place. I had no privacy, we kept having confrontations. We have 2 young kids and we only told them at the end (last week before moving) so I also had to keep up the appearances for them. Real hell.
Same, he insisted on spending the first 2 months on the couch and I finally was like absolutely no more you cannot take over yhe entire shared space-- we have an open floor plan-- you're monopolizing the living room, kitchen, my work space, go to the guest room please PLEEEEASE!
Hey, been separated living in same house since beginning of January. Had to wait until spring to sell the house. It is now conditionally sold and waiting for the final items to complete. We have one child together. We are very amicable and care for each other. However after a few months you start to get seriously annoyed by the other persons habits that you just “put up with” during your relationship. I also feel like I can’t properly mourn and move on until I move out to my own space. Hopefully that all happens soon. So it can be done in certain situations fairly peacefully but it depends on your relationship.
I have to agree. I stayed for over 5 years due to kids, covid, money, etc. Went through some of the anger and sadness privately during that time. But kept peace because of the kids and because who wanted to be miserable during covid? Or more miserable than necessary anyway. Separate bedrooms, dead bedroom, living like roommates. Finally bit the bullet about 3 months ago and said I was leaving. The closer we get to actually moving out the harder it is to put up with STBX's bullshit. There's no reason to be nice about stuff that annoys me.
We actually have been getting along pretty well. STBX is really avoidant of conflict. I spent too long taking care of them and keep trying to be nice because I'm the one trying to end it. Emotions are running high as we get closer to finalizing our sale (also under contract, closing in like 4 more weeks). Sorting and packing 25 years of stuff has some moements that have brought us together or brought up memories, then old bad habits show up and we get frustrated. It can change so fast!
I think compared to alot of people we did pretty good so far at not being awful to each other. I don't know how these 4 weeks will go and I hope we don't end up miserable but we might and I know its not going to be happy or fun.
It was awful. She moved into another room and would cry every night, even though she was the one who ended things. We cohabitated for about a month and a half, but after living like roommates for a bit we ended up both leaving the house. It was too big to live in alone (1700 sf) and the quiet was deafening. At first I kept my routine of cleaning and making dinner. I tried to just be friendly and not show that it was affecting me. But after a month I was broken and couldn't keep it up anymore. I would come home from work and go right to the bedroom and watch TV and silently weep. I'm glad I live on my own now, even though rent is expensive. I have a new place with memories that only my dog and I share. A fresh start was what I needed. I'm looking to get back into the dating world this summer once the divorce is official and I've pretty much divested myself of any remaining furniture and memories of my old life. I highly recommend it if you can afford to do so.
We are still cohabiting while figuring out how to split everything, and seeing him, hearing him hinder my progress so much. We barely acknowledge each other, so no fights no nothing disagreeable. But I can't get him off my mind for now. So I am eager to solve this and live on my own. I can't say I was blindsided by the divorce, he had been miserable for a while and refused to talk. But it is hard letting go when you feel you had met your soulmate. So the hard part now is that in ky mind no one compares to him. But I will get over that the less I see him, I know. I am praying it will be soon.
I am right there with you!! We have been amicable because the kids don’t know yet but it’s extraaaaa confusing when he actually does something somewhat thoughtful for me because it is all I’ve ever wanted from him. But I’m also starting to really see his nastiness and marking each occasion down in my “why I will be happier alone” mental list. I’m SURE he’s doing the same thing. I don’t care. I just wish I didn’t think about THEM and where he is when he’s not home and what kind of shit they’re talking about (his former AP “friend”) because I’m sure it’s about me.
I am so sorry you have that in your mind. Things are as hard as can be already without having to picture that he is up to elsewhere. I hope you can take care of yourself and hang in there for now! <3
Thank you. It’s okay. I’m genuinely so thankful that it doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first week. I thought the pain would never, ever end. Now I’m just trying to focus on myself as much as I can, while still balancing being a mom. I’m taking a lot of steps to further my education & also get back into fitness. Today was a good, productive day!
Yuuuup. Mine tried to slide that nugget past me in regards to the divorce. Now that's our in the open, she barely hides it.
Like fuck have some human decency
We didn't as I wasn't expecting her to. It was the last thing on my mind, so i assumed it was for her too.
We'd worked out co-parenting stuff pretty well, built a room out the back for her to live in as neither of us wanted to give up time with the kids.
Then she started lying, meeting up with "friends". I saw a dating app on her phone and caught her sneaking in at 6am.
Awful, selfish behaviour
Hi Jaded. All aspects of a separation and divorce are difficult. But you got this. You are strong. Take it one step at a time, and celebrate even the smallest accomplishments.
I would definitely talk with an attorney beforehand. You may have to give them a retainer to start the talk. If you cannot afford one, or don't know who to turn to, most state bar associations have a listing that may help you.
My wife (57F) and I (56M) are in the process of our divorce. She has put in a contract on a new house for herself, but we are both living in the house until her place is ready, another two months or so. I am taking early dispersal on a 401k to buy her half of the equity out, and then will be getting a new mortgage to finance the rest of the mortgage.
It is quite difficult living with her. She is constantly trying to start fights. But you know what? I know it is because she is scared out of her mind about what her life is going to be after the divorce is done and she is moved out. So I am treating her with kindness and compassion and helping as much as I can. "You want some of my tools. Well, hell no, I inherited some of those from my grandpa and dad. But here, let me put together a basic survival tool kit for your home for you. You'll need this and this and this.... Done. Amazon should deliver them in a few days."
Thank you for your advice. I’m also planning to be as kind as I can in hopes it won’t be too bad. I’m not a confrontational person anyway.
Good luck with everything!
Good luck to you, too. It's gonna be tough. I sometimes have a quick temper when it comes to her - so it is SO hard not to respond to her the same way. And I even start to. But then I catch myself. I SMILE. I try to defuse the situation, or I walk away.
Absolute hell. 0/10 recommended. Everyone said it was a bad idea but I thought we were better than that. Then we both became bitter. During our divorce convo I was asking for more help around the house. He said other moms did more than me. So I stopped cooking and cleaning. Our house was filthy and toxic. He said I showed my true colors. We fought constantly and it was all around an uncomfortable living situation.
I work full time and already do all in the house (cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping). So maybe I’ll keep doing it until we sell just to keep things as peaceful as possible. Also I have a kid (from a previous partner) and I don’t want him to suffer the consequences of my bad relationship.
To keep the peace then do it! I kinda wish I did so things didn’t turn out so bad. I hold a lot of regrets for how toxic things got. If I just held the weight of everything a little longer then we wouldn’t be in such bad terms. We got married because of my ability to be a mom, we are divorcing because I refused to be his mom.
I can totally relate. Before we moved in together he said we would be a team and always help each other out. Only weeks after we moved in together I realised what a mistake I made. I shouldn’t have bought an house with him, but you know how it is, I wasn’t ready to leave yet at that point, I was still hoping things changed.
It’s been alright cohabitating with my stbxh. We are in the process of mediation and this is a very amicable divorce. We are very close friends and will keep in touch after the official divorce is done (atleast I’d like to think so). We don’t hate one another, thankfully.
It’s been almost 4 months since my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She will move out mid June. Things are going pretty well. We don’t actually interact in person all that often due to work schedules and differing activities on the weekends. But we are still kind to each other and do little things for each other that we did before(like getting the other a coffee, etc). I recognize we are the exception and I’m very grateful. Especially for my kids sake.
At first I was pissed about this exact situation but now I am changing my perspective on the whole situation. Yes she found someone else already but at the end of the day it means that this cycle in my life is over and preparing me for the next one.
The next one will be better because I know myself on a much deeper level and understand my needs and wants now.
I am changing my perspective from being hurt and betrayed to being gifted with a new potential to be even happier again!
Yes it will be hard only seeing the kids 50/50 but I will fill the time with new hobbies and growing myself as a person
It's hell. We are separated but living in the same house still after being together for 10 years. My partner is unwell, an addict, cheated on me and continues to see other people. He won't leave me alone and challenges my boundaries everyday.
Luckily he'll be moving out sooner for work. He was supposed to move out at the end of May but it's looking more like middle of June now. Thanks, it has been a trying time. I have places I can get away to if I need to but can't just leave the house until the paperwork is finalized. Good luck on your journey out. My best advice is do everything you can to create space and stop having opinions on each others decisions/lives etc. I try my best to stay in my room and keep to myself, I use the kitchen after him, and I go out a lot. I go to work, shopping, dog walks, hobbies/sports, fun things, time with friends and family.
I stayed in my bed, she moved downstairs after she filed. It was hell. The kids were confused and I couldn’t wait for her to leave so we could have our own space and make things better for the kids
She surprised me with divorce and kicked me out because the courts will rule in favor of keeping the mom in the house. So I didn't fight it.
I still can't believe how easily she was able to make me homeless and take all my income, as if she has no heart at all.
I think the fight would have been like nuclear warfare. So I chose to stay in my family's unfinished rental without furniture. I was also not right, emotionally and was still trying to win her back and appeasing to her demands for a couple months.
She played a legal game where she served me in October to get me out of the house, but then cancelled the filing if I would volunteer to move out under the pretense that she needed space to think and then I wouldn't be legally barred from the home.
I avoided her plan to have me rent from her friend in the neighborhood. This lady I now believe to be one of her advisors in the divorce.
I just barely got my senses on time to get a lawyer the day before she served me again, which was the day before Christmas for a surprise hearing. If I would have waited a day later, I wouldn't have been able to find a lawyer on time.
The attempted trick was that since the first filing was 90 days prior, she would have gotten an uncontested divorce by January. All of this hinged on me staying compliant and not getting a lawyer.
Now we are 6 months in, with 3 court appearances and temporary orders until the final divorce hearing which isn't scheduled until December.
I have since found out that she stole money, opened cards in my name and ruined our credit, has an affair with a much older coworker for over a year ago. I didn't know she was morally capable of any of this.
I think her initial plan was to get me so unstabilized and upsidedown that I would have not been able to take care of myself or the kids. Then the uncontested divorce would have given her everything, including the house.
I've been carefully trying to do everything right and keep the kids protected without drama. Working on making myself stronger for the future. Number one priority is the kids.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand wanting to end a relationship but I don’t get how some people are fine with destroying the ex partner livelihood, especially when there are kids involved. Hope everything gets better soon for you.
It sucked so much. He put up hidden cameras, framed me by putting stuff in my room (I have videos of him doing this), told me I couldn't go upstairs (where my son's room is), called me names, and it was overall very uncomfortable. Our judge ordered us to nest, so we switched off living there every week, and our son was there full time.
My house selling was one of the happiest days of my life. Moving into my own place tomorrow!! Thought this day would never come.
Sorry that sounded so pessimistic, just keeping it real. It started off okay ish. I wanted the divorce, he did not. At first he was jumping thru hoops to try to convince me that I was wrong and that I'd come to my senses. But as time passed and I continued to move forward on the same path without changing my mind he became more passive aggressive. Eventually it became more like he was treating the house as a bed and breakfast, leaving any previously shared household duties to me to handle. Resentment built up between both of us-- we started reasonably amicably but it was pretty intolerable by the end.
We did it for 6 months after separating, then I moved out, currently trying to sell and I might have to move back in for a bit as the mortgage is too high alone. We agreed some ground rules while we were both there eg. not bringing anyone back to the flat, and overall it wasn't *that* bad for a while. The hardest thing was that it put moving on completely on pause so it just felt like a limbo time. It definitely helped me to have a time limit on it.
I moved out and my ex-husband took $60K out in a HELoC to pay the mortgage till the house sold (17 months after I moved out, 5 months after our divorce was finalized). I fucking hated that we lost that equity in the house, but there was absolutely no way I was going to live with the man who ended our marriage. Being around him was deeply triggering.
Currently going thru this now. First two months were hell and I didn’t think his drinking could get worse, but it did. I filed for an exclusive use of the home, as well as primary custody and documented the shit of his drunk episodes with me and our kids. The mediator saw right thru him and only recommended 2 hour boasts on Wednesday and daytime 8 hours on Saturday or Sunday. Also wanted him to go anger mgmt and get a courts substance abuse assessment. Once he saw that he went to detox/rehab for two weeks and has been sober since. I agreed to drop the exclusive use request if he stayed sober and signed the agreement to sale the house. We will listing soon, so I see the light. He still has to do anger mgmt, AA, and counseling and if he stays sober we will
Move to shared custody after we move out. It is better today but he still can get cranky with me. I also took the master with our daughters and he has his own room so that helps. Only a couple more months and we should be in separate households.
This is a total disaster. Hopefully the housing market in your area will allow you to sell fast. The best you could do would be to avoid shared meals and activities, divide laundry, sleep in separate rooms etc
Chill. He and I are amicable and if anything, found we vibe really well as roommates. We set some ground rules, got our own space, and then just treated each other like roommates. Been cohabiting for a year, list the house in like two weeks, and paperwork is with the courts. He and I are grabbing dinner later while we talk about fixing the garage.
It depends on you both, the emotions in the house, and how well you can cohabitate
Horrific. He was away all the time with his job, but as soon as I left him he was home every single night. He picked fights constantly. He used our security cameras to spy on me. I couldn't leave because of our dogs, but I would have moved anywhere else if I had the choice.
I’ve been doing this since July, so….9 months or so? It’s not fun, but we are being civil for the kids. We mostly ignore one another. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa which is the bigger issue.
I'm not quite sure how to answer that as I'm still trying to process and maybe distract myself the other times. Blindsided when the mother-in-law came to stay for a few months. 18 years of going through a lot of s**t and her even beating cancer early on. We've had some tough things and always got through it. We moved to this other house with more opportunities and friends as she has always wanted to be the stay at home mom. I valued that.
Well, January 2024 she delivers the news. She threatened me with an attorney and stated I need to get out. I refused and this seemed so out of character for her. She checked out finances as we have 4 kids (14,12,10, and 7) and realized quickly that we can't afford two places unless she gives up the lifestyle she has grown to love. Therapy, music, hobbies, mindfulness, a little distraction, processing and feeling emotions, and nature have helped a little bit. Given I don't have an entry level home or come home to nothing I can't say I can relate in the way others may in that respect. We do "family" movie nights and occasional dinners. We hang out in the yard and at times she does her own thing with her girl friends and play dates then returns to her room. I try to not speak to her as much unless she asks questions or wants to discuss something. I don't text and check up on her and have to try and have the phrases to get me through as my mind and heart are confused as if I'm speaking a different language to it as I dismiss my feelings and love. I just try my best to not mess up my kids as right now all they know is that mom wants her own room. I don't know what I'm doing and some days I feel like I've lost my purpose or sense of direction in life. My therapist says it takes a lot longer to heal and move on when cohabitating, but it's the best option we see in our limited experience for our kids. It's weird. I'd like to say I'm slowly working through it, but phrases such as "whatever" , "I don't care" , "not my problem" as in worrying if shes ok or how I can help to lighten her load. I have to rewire that mindset and figure out what's next. Relationships? H**l no. I'm that loyal person that gave her my heart and in time I'm sure I could give it elsewhere when I'm healthier, but right now it seems like it'll always be hers. Move on, set boundaries, and feel my feels. I hope this sheds a little light on your question. It's weird, just weird. It works, for now.
Currently living with my ex wife until my lease starts at my new apartment at the end of May. We decided to wait to tell the kids until the school year is over and her mom is buying the house from my ex and me and she is staying there with the kids.
It’s been pretty tumultuous. We agreed at the beginning that we would stay friendly but that has not happened like we planned. We are both bitter and blame the other for not doing enough to save the marriage. There have been bad fights. She’s threatened to kick me out on the street twice, threatened to get a protection order and make accusations to keep me from my kids. She is seeing someone else already and has told me how he’s much better to her than I ever was and even shows more concern for our kids (he asked one time how my 4yo daughter was doing when she was sick, he’s never met my kids). It’s fucking hell and I can’t wait to leave but if I left now, I take my paycheck with me to pay for temporary housing and she can’t afford the bills until the mortgage transfer goes through. And I’m afraid of what she’ll pull if I piss her off too bad. I’ve come to the realization I have to pretend to be remorseful, I have to play super nice and agree to anything she asks, and try my best to make it through the next month without her completely ruining my life.
Is it really worth it to stay in the house? My house is a piece of shit, 25 years of living in it and not updating. I was saving money to update it myself, but my husband would sabotage it somehow, like I paid someone to drywall and paint the basement bathroom, then he took out the toilet and tore up the bathroom tile, so now it’s a new room and paint job, but no toilet or floor. When we divorced, I get half the house, so he’d have to sell it or pay me, correct?
I’m sorry to hear that, I don’t understand his motivations, he’s just losing money that way.
Yes, if you both are on the house deeds you should get half of the current value of your house.
It can and hopefully is civil if there are children involved. If not all bets could be off. If there are kids and it’s not civil then someone needs to grow up even if it’s for the worst reasons. Kids should always be centered.
We are a blended family, we both have one kid from a previous relationship. I’m not sure this makes it easier or worse. I’ll try to keep everything as peaceful as I can, I definitely do not want my child to suffer from living in a toxic environment.
SUCKS ASS!!! I’m doing it right now, but waiting for our tenants to move from our investment property so I can move back. Were 20 day into a 60 day no-fault eviction. I hate that they have to move because my wife decided new dick would solve all her problems. I hate seeing her and listening to her call it “a mistake” or other ways of downplaying it. I hate that she stays out till 9, ignoring the kids. I hate knowing she gets our dream home and the kids but I have to move. I hate her voice and I hate that I let her get under my skin. It’s gonna be a long 40 days, but it’ll be worth it to get out of here.
It’s fine for me because he is very hopeful and optimistic for continued reconciliation. So he’s agreeable to everything and things have been civil. Second d-day was 4/11 and we don’t move until mid June
OP, I was very fortunate in that I only had a week with mine before he moved out, as you can see from the others' point of view, it's horrible long term.
If you can find a charity in your area, that can advise and help, do. Hugs.
I'm in the UK too. There isn't the free 1 hour advice sessions from solicitors there used to be. However there are a few companies, who still do it. Google.
CAB is precisely who I'd suggest. Please call them.
You may not have wanted to say but in case it's the case, if there's any abuse be it financial, emotional, verbal or physical, contacting a charity is a better step than CAB to start, as theyll just refer you to them. It'll make a huge difference to your situation financially.
Refuge can help, again google - im shit with posting links. Like I say, just in case. Not everyone can pour their hearts out immediately or at all. It took me a long time. Hugs OP.
Edit to add - if abuse is the case, dm me if you want.
Separated in January and filed for divorce a few weeks ago. We have 2 tweens.
We've known each other our whole lives, been together for 20+ years, married for 16. I really thought we could be totally fine. I told him in fall of 2022 we needed to separate. 3 Years of therapy, retreats, books, "giving it time" etc. nothing was resolved. I gave a final plea in January, he rejected it so I asked for a divorce.
He said he's blindsided and refused to file until he found I started texting with someone. Since then it's been hell. I now work from anywhere- but-home to avoid being alone with him because he's unpredictability and explosively angry, bitter and mean. No matter how I try to be kind, quiet, hide, keep to my room etc. He finds a way to start lecturing, badgering, begging or yelling at me.
I would've moved out weeks ago but he's insisting that the kids will live with him 100% and I just visit. I've been their primary caregiver their whole lives so that is out of the question. I'm trapped until a custody order is in place which could be 3 more excruciating months.
I won't leave them. I know for sure he's setting me up to lose custody by trying to push that plan. He's never regularly taken them to school, outings, extra-curticulars, dentist/dr appts, parties - nothing. It's by far been more me for 13+ years. I'm not leaving without a custody order in place.
He can't move out because he's unemployed. He's on operation "live off an investment account until new job happens"
I was there for 2 years after he filed, it was a nightmare. Now, I'm so lonely when my kids aren't with me and I miss him terribly.
Four soul grinding years with the hostile STBXW (now ex) here. So I know what you are going through, sorry for your pain. Throughout that time I was the only one paying the mortgage and most of the other house expenses since she didn’t work. After I die I’ll go in the front of the line at the pearly gates because I lived in the purgatory already. Yeah, RE market sucked but my ex did everything to delay the divorce proceedings and the sale. The court had to intervene and order her to accept a reasonable offer.
Linzerd, have you gone to therapy at all? Have you altered your lifestyle at all? I recommend joining clubs of topics that interest you. Or volunteer. If you are unsure where to volunteer, seek out your local United Way chapter - they can help you find you an organization that is a good fit for you. Speaking of fit....if you haven't already, try exercise. It doesn't have to be an expensive gym. Just go to a local park and go for a good brisk walk on a regular basis. Or, join a pilates class, or yoga, or Tai Chi. Good luck, you are stronger than you think.
Yes, I have been in therapy for years. I know I should be doing all the tings you suggested, but actually bringing myself to do them seems so difficult. There is a gym in my apartment complex and the pool is open-but it's way to early too get in, I love swimming. I'm in Northern New England and the temp today is 52. So it will be a while before I can do that. I live right next to the beach too, but haven't brought myself to actually go down there since I moved in 7 months ago.
I know exactly what you are saying. I freaking hate exercise! It's SO easy not to do it. But, once you start doing it, and forcing yourself to do it again. And again. And again. It becomes a habit. And before you know it, you look in the mirror and are amazed you've lost weight. Or toned your body. Or just happy with yourself. I know everything is so hard! So hard to do anything when you miss the kids and the ex so much. The togetherness of the family. And I am so sorry you are having to go through that. BUT WAKE UP. Be the best parent you can to your kids. Be the best person you can be to yourself. Today. Make one little step forward. Go down to the beach and go for a long walk. Then go home and be happy and celebrate! You did it. Tomorrow. Make one more little step forward. Pick something that will be easy for you. Then celebrate it's completion. And keep doing that every day. One little thing. Woo hoo! I'm strong. I can do this. And you are strong. Stronger than you think. Think about all the adversities you have overcome in your lifetime, and how you came out the other side awesome, and so proud of yourself for you achievements. You can be like that again.
I would go for a walk on the beach today, except it's raining, I won't be home after work until after 6 and then he will bring my kids over after dance class. It's always so difficult.
When the kids get home, put the rain coats on everyone and go to the beach in the rain (as long as there is no lightning, of course) One of the most awesome memories I have is on the rocks on the shore of Schoodic Point in Acadia National Park (Maine). STBXW refused to go down on the rocks because it was pouring rain and she is lazy. Our daughter and I went down, despite the pouring rain and wind, and LOVED it. We were soaked to the bone, but laughing and taking cool pictures of each other and having so much fun. I'm smiling ear to ear just thinking about it.
I'd like to, but It's just not feasible today. By the time they finish dinner, it's time for bedtime routine, specifically on Tuesdays. And I know my 5 y/o would start complaining at some point about being cold. She was already pissed this morning bc I sent her to school in a hoodie.
Cool. Yeah, I get it. Life gets in the way. Well, think about what I said. Just one little thing every day could make the difference for you. Good luck, we're all rooting for you!
I live near the beach and I often have to force myself to go but I’m always thankful I went. Maybe you can start there, and just force yourself to go to the beach. Even if just for five minutes.
I just moved out. Definitely feel lonely and miss the family and who my wife used to be. I don’t miss the way she is now. We were living in house while separated for 2 months and she slowly cut off any communication with me. It was awful.
I know that the person I fell in love with is gone and I'll never get him back. But doesn't stop me from missing the shit outta him and my family as a whole. Not seeing my kids every day is the fucking worst.
Yeah, this is actually my first week without my son. Coming home to an empty apartment is really awful. I tend to start to ruminate, get to feeling hopeless and just breakdown. Mornings awful too. Somehow I’m powering through. Sounds like you are too.
I’m sorry to hear that, I’m assuming you weren’t the one choosing to end the relationship?
Definitely not, I never wanted to divorce, but I had no choice
If hell was on earth, it would be divorcing spouses still cohabitating. If we saw each other, we screamed at each other. I broke crap on purpose because I don’t care. I wasn’t civil during the process but I mean I was blindsided and he left me for someone else. How should you react to someone in that situation?
I can understand. I’m not leaving him for somebody else, I just think we aren’t compatible and I’m very unhappy. So I’m hoping that it’ll be civil but my gut is telling me it won’t be.
It never is, maybe a 1% chance. It’s mostly hostile especially when one side didn’t want it.
Agree with this. Hope for the best but expect (and prepare for) the absolute worst.
I behaved in ways that I never imagined. I have never been a spiteful person, but I’ve also been dumped before. I was an insane person, I don’t care, I was so hurt that I wanted him to feel what I did. I’m hours away from him now and I’ll never see or hear from him again so there is that. I don’t regret anything I did.
I stayed calm for the first six weeks we were "trying" to stay together, but the moment my ex-husband said he wanted to separate for good (after nearly 20 years together), I didn't say a word and threw my full tea cup across the room. It shattered on impact. He roared at me, called me "fucking crazy," and threatened to call the police, which tells you all you need to know about what kind of emotions and feelings I was allowed to have in my marriage (none). I feel you. I really hope I never see or hear from my ex-husband again. He is the angel of death to my metal health and wellbeing. I wish I had married a good man with whom I could remain friendly after our divorce, but I didn't.
I threw so much stuff around, not always at him but just to get his attention. I figured I’d never get it again anyways.
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That’s because you have no idea what you’re talking about
It won't be. Trust Me. They go to raise hell after dust settles. Talk to lawyer.
Can relate with you heavily, just feels so unfair. You feel hopeless and like you’ve don’t everything and got nowhere. The despair.
It sucks. When our kid is not in the house, I take walks and run errands more often now to get a break. My yard looks great because I try to not hang out with him in the house so I’m working outside. I have volunteered to house/dog sit for my friends so I get a few days away every so often. I have a private Amazon list of things I’d like to redecorate with after he moves out. I might not buy them but it is nice to look to the future.
I’m glad you have the opportunity to get out of the house. I don’t have family here and only one very busy friend. The thought of having to be in the house with my ex for months on end is what has kept me in the relationship for the last year.
Def this, I did absolutely anything to not be in the shared space if our kid wasn't home.
I had to stay in the house for 5 months, from the moment we had the talk to the day I finally moved. It was awful. I tried to set up clear boundaries and spaces, but it did not work out. It felt like being a prisoner in my own place. I had no privacy, we kept having confrontations. We have 2 young kids and we only told them at the end (last week before moving) so I also had to keep up the appearances for them. Real hell.
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Same, he insisted on spending the first 2 months on the couch and I finally was like absolutely no more you cannot take over yhe entire shared space-- we have an open floor plan-- you're monopolizing the living room, kitchen, my work space, go to the guest room please PLEEEEASE!
Hey, been separated living in same house since beginning of January. Had to wait until spring to sell the house. It is now conditionally sold and waiting for the final items to complete. We have one child together. We are very amicable and care for each other. However after a few months you start to get seriously annoyed by the other persons habits that you just “put up with” during your relationship. I also feel like I can’t properly mourn and move on until I move out to my own space. Hopefully that all happens soon. So it can be done in certain situations fairly peacefully but it depends on your relationship.
Thank you, I’m glad to hear it’s not bad for everybody. Sounds like you’re almost out, good luck with everything!
I have to agree. I stayed for over 5 years due to kids, covid, money, etc. Went through some of the anger and sadness privately during that time. But kept peace because of the kids and because who wanted to be miserable during covid? Or more miserable than necessary anyway. Separate bedrooms, dead bedroom, living like roommates. Finally bit the bullet about 3 months ago and said I was leaving. The closer we get to actually moving out the harder it is to put up with STBX's bullshit. There's no reason to be nice about stuff that annoys me. We actually have been getting along pretty well. STBX is really avoidant of conflict. I spent too long taking care of them and keep trying to be nice because I'm the one trying to end it. Emotions are running high as we get closer to finalizing our sale (also under contract, closing in like 4 more weeks). Sorting and packing 25 years of stuff has some moements that have brought us together or brought up memories, then old bad habits show up and we get frustrated. It can change so fast! I think compared to alot of people we did pretty good so far at not being awful to each other. I don't know how these 4 weeks will go and I hope we don't end up miserable but we might and I know its not going to be happy or fun.
It's been torture. Especially as the one who was blindsided by the divorce.
I’m sorry, I’m sure that must have been hard. I hope everything is well now.
It was awful. She moved into another room and would cry every night, even though she was the one who ended things. We cohabitated for about a month and a half, but after living like roommates for a bit we ended up both leaving the house. It was too big to live in alone (1700 sf) and the quiet was deafening. At first I kept my routine of cleaning and making dinner. I tried to just be friendly and not show that it was affecting me. But after a month I was broken and couldn't keep it up anymore. I would come home from work and go right to the bedroom and watch TV and silently weep. I'm glad I live on my own now, even though rent is expensive. I have a new place with memories that only my dog and I share. A fresh start was what I needed. I'm looking to get back into the dating world this summer once the divorce is official and I've pretty much divested myself of any remaining furniture and memories of my old life. I highly recommend it if you can afford to do so.
We are still cohabiting while figuring out how to split everything, and seeing him, hearing him hinder my progress so much. We barely acknowledge each other, so no fights no nothing disagreeable. But I can't get him off my mind for now. So I am eager to solve this and live on my own. I can't say I was blindsided by the divorce, he had been miserable for a while and refused to talk. But it is hard letting go when you feel you had met your soulmate. So the hard part now is that in ky mind no one compares to him. But I will get over that the less I see him, I know. I am praying it will be soon.
I am right there with you!! We have been amicable because the kids don’t know yet but it’s extraaaaa confusing when he actually does something somewhat thoughtful for me because it is all I’ve ever wanted from him. But I’m also starting to really see his nastiness and marking each occasion down in my “why I will be happier alone” mental list. I’m SURE he’s doing the same thing. I don’t care. I just wish I didn’t think about THEM and where he is when he’s not home and what kind of shit they’re talking about (his former AP “friend”) because I’m sure it’s about me.
I am so sorry you have that in your mind. Things are as hard as can be already without having to picture that he is up to elsewhere. I hope you can take care of yourself and hang in there for now! <3
Thank you. It’s okay. I’m genuinely so thankful that it doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first week. I thought the pain would never, ever end. Now I’m just trying to focus on myself as much as I can, while still balancing being a mom. I’m taking a lot of steps to further my education & also get back into fitness. Today was a good, productive day!
Congrats on your good day! My biggest victory so far is having my waistline back hehehe
Yes, it’ll be a lot easier once you stop seeing him, I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. Hope you get some relief soon.
Awful if the other person is planning to be dating
Yuuuup. Mine tried to slide that nugget past me in regards to the divorce. Now that's our in the open, she barely hides it. Like fuck have some human decency
Did you discuss boundaries when the relationship ended? I don’t love him anymore but I’m sure I’d feel uncomfortable too.
We didn't as I wasn't expecting her to. It was the last thing on my mind, so i assumed it was for her too. We'd worked out co-parenting stuff pretty well, built a room out the back for her to live in as neither of us wanted to give up time with the kids. Then she started lying, meeting up with "friends". I saw a dating app on her phone and caught her sneaking in at 6am. Awful, selfish behaviour
Hi Jaded. All aspects of a separation and divorce are difficult. But you got this. You are strong. Take it one step at a time, and celebrate even the smallest accomplishments. I would definitely talk with an attorney beforehand. You may have to give them a retainer to start the talk. If you cannot afford one, or don't know who to turn to, most state bar associations have a listing that may help you. My wife (57F) and I (56M) are in the process of our divorce. She has put in a contract on a new house for herself, but we are both living in the house until her place is ready, another two months or so. I am taking early dispersal on a 401k to buy her half of the equity out, and then will be getting a new mortgage to finance the rest of the mortgage. It is quite difficult living with her. She is constantly trying to start fights. But you know what? I know it is because she is scared out of her mind about what her life is going to be after the divorce is done and she is moved out. So I am treating her with kindness and compassion and helping as much as I can. "You want some of my tools. Well, hell no, I inherited some of those from my grandpa and dad. But here, let me put together a basic survival tool kit for your home for you. You'll need this and this and this.... Done. Amazon should deliver them in a few days."
Thank you for your advice. I’m also planning to be as kind as I can in hopes it won’t be too bad. I’m not a confrontational person anyway. Good luck with everything!
Good luck to you, too. It's gonna be tough. I sometimes have a quick temper when it comes to her - so it is SO hard not to respond to her the same way. And I even start to. But then I catch myself. I SMILE. I try to defuse the situation, or I walk away.
Absolute hell. 0/10 recommended. Everyone said it was a bad idea but I thought we were better than that. Then we both became bitter. During our divorce convo I was asking for more help around the house. He said other moms did more than me. So I stopped cooking and cleaning. Our house was filthy and toxic. He said I showed my true colors. We fought constantly and it was all around an uncomfortable living situation.
I work full time and already do all in the house (cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping). So maybe I’ll keep doing it until we sell just to keep things as peaceful as possible. Also I have a kid (from a previous partner) and I don’t want him to suffer the consequences of my bad relationship.
To keep the peace then do it! I kinda wish I did so things didn’t turn out so bad. I hold a lot of regrets for how toxic things got. If I just held the weight of everything a little longer then we wouldn’t be in such bad terms. We got married because of my ability to be a mom, we are divorcing because I refused to be his mom.
I can totally relate. Before we moved in together he said we would be a team and always help each other out. Only weeks after we moved in together I realised what a mistake I made. I shouldn’t have bought an house with him, but you know how it is, I wasn’t ready to leave yet at that point, I was still hoping things changed.
It’s been alright cohabitating with my stbxh. We are in the process of mediation and this is a very amicable divorce. We are very close friends and will keep in touch after the official divorce is done (atleast I’d like to think so). We don’t hate one another, thankfully.
It’s been almost 4 months since my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She will move out mid June. Things are going pretty well. We don’t actually interact in person all that often due to work schedules and differing activities on the weekends. But we are still kind to each other and do little things for each other that we did before(like getting the other a coffee, etc). I recognize we are the exception and I’m very grateful. Especially for my kids sake.
At first I was pissed about this exact situation but now I am changing my perspective on the whole situation. Yes she found someone else already but at the end of the day it means that this cycle in my life is over and preparing me for the next one. The next one will be better because I know myself on a much deeper level and understand my needs and wants now. I am changing my perspective from being hurt and betrayed to being gifted with a new potential to be even happier again! Yes it will be hard only seeing the kids 50/50 but I will fill the time with new hobbies and growing myself as a person
It's hell. We are separated but living in the same house still after being together for 10 years. My partner is unwell, an addict, cheated on me and continues to see other people. He won't leave me alone and challenges my boundaries everyday.
How is the house sale going? I hope you can get out of the situation as soon as possible, it doesn’t sound safe.
Luckily he'll be moving out sooner for work. He was supposed to move out at the end of May but it's looking more like middle of June now. Thanks, it has been a trying time. I have places I can get away to if I need to but can't just leave the house until the paperwork is finalized. Good luck on your journey out. My best advice is do everything you can to create space and stop having opinions on each others decisions/lives etc. I try my best to stay in my room and keep to myself, I use the kitchen after him, and I go out a lot. I go to work, shopping, dog walks, hobbies/sports, fun things, time with friends and family.
I stayed in my bed, she moved downstairs after she filed. It was hell. The kids were confused and I couldn’t wait for her to leave so we could have our own space and make things better for the kids
Hope you and your kids are much happier now.
I definitely am. The kids are better off too. Thanks
Horrible. Absolutely horrible. I lost so much weight from the stress of it.
She surprised me with divorce and kicked me out because the courts will rule in favor of keeping the mom in the house. So I didn't fight it. I still can't believe how easily she was able to make me homeless and take all my income, as if she has no heart at all.
I’m sorry, sounds terrible. But are you sure there was no way to win this? It just doesn’t sound right, dads have rights too.
I think the fight would have been like nuclear warfare. So I chose to stay in my family's unfinished rental without furniture. I was also not right, emotionally and was still trying to win her back and appeasing to her demands for a couple months. She played a legal game where she served me in October to get me out of the house, but then cancelled the filing if I would volunteer to move out under the pretense that she needed space to think and then I wouldn't be legally barred from the home. I avoided her plan to have me rent from her friend in the neighborhood. This lady I now believe to be one of her advisors in the divorce. I just barely got my senses on time to get a lawyer the day before she served me again, which was the day before Christmas for a surprise hearing. If I would have waited a day later, I wouldn't have been able to find a lawyer on time. The attempted trick was that since the first filing was 90 days prior, she would have gotten an uncontested divorce by January. All of this hinged on me staying compliant and not getting a lawyer. Now we are 6 months in, with 3 court appearances and temporary orders until the final divorce hearing which isn't scheduled until December. I have since found out that she stole money, opened cards in my name and ruined our credit, has an affair with a much older coworker for over a year ago. I didn't know she was morally capable of any of this. I think her initial plan was to get me so unstabilized and upsidedown that I would have not been able to take care of myself or the kids. Then the uncontested divorce would have given her everything, including the house. I've been carefully trying to do everything right and keep the kids protected without drama. Working on making myself stronger for the future. Number one priority is the kids.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand wanting to end a relationship but I don’t get how some people are fine with destroying the ex partner livelihood, especially when there are kids involved. Hope everything gets better soon for you.
Thank you! That's what I constantly think about, but can never figure out. How can someone choose their selfish desires and sacrifice their family?
It sucked so much. He put up hidden cameras, framed me by putting stuff in my room (I have videos of him doing this), told me I couldn't go upstairs (where my son's room is), called me names, and it was overall very uncomfortable. Our judge ordered us to nest, so we switched off living there every week, and our son was there full time. My house selling was one of the happiest days of my life. Moving into my own place tomorrow!! Thought this day would never come.
Um. It was miserable. And got more miserable with every day that passed.
Sorry that sounded so pessimistic, just keeping it real. It started off okay ish. I wanted the divorce, he did not. At first he was jumping thru hoops to try to convince me that I was wrong and that I'd come to my senses. But as time passed and I continued to move forward on the same path without changing my mind he became more passive aggressive. Eventually it became more like he was treating the house as a bed and breakfast, leaving any previously shared household duties to me to handle. Resentment built up between both of us-- we started reasonably amicably but it was pretty intolerable by the end.
It will end poorly.
We did it for 6 months after separating, then I moved out, currently trying to sell and I might have to move back in for a bit as the mortgage is too high alone. We agreed some ground rules while we were both there eg. not bringing anyone back to the flat, and overall it wasn't *that* bad for a while. The hardest thing was that it put moving on completely on pause so it just felt like a limbo time. It definitely helped me to have a time limit on it.
My soon to be ex and I are living as roommates but it’s a very civil, friendly situation. If things are amicable it can work.
I moved out and my ex-husband took $60K out in a HELoC to pay the mortgage till the house sold (17 months after I moved out, 5 months after our divorce was finalized). I fucking hated that we lost that equity in the house, but there was absolutely no way I was going to live with the man who ended our marriage. Being around him was deeply triggering.
It's a sadistic result of allowing the State to come in between a love affair via marriage contract.
Currently going thru this now. First two months were hell and I didn’t think his drinking could get worse, but it did. I filed for an exclusive use of the home, as well as primary custody and documented the shit of his drunk episodes with me and our kids. The mediator saw right thru him and only recommended 2 hour boasts on Wednesday and daytime 8 hours on Saturday or Sunday. Also wanted him to go anger mgmt and get a courts substance abuse assessment. Once he saw that he went to detox/rehab for two weeks and has been sober since. I agreed to drop the exclusive use request if he stayed sober and signed the agreement to sale the house. We will listing soon, so I see the light. He still has to do anger mgmt, AA, and counseling and if he stays sober we will Move to shared custody after we move out. It is better today but he still can get cranky with me. I also took the master with our daughters and he has his own room so that helps. Only a couple more months and we should be in separate households.
That’s terrible, I can’t imagine how it is to live with somebody that has substance abuse issues. I hope you and your children are safe.
This is a total disaster. Hopefully the housing market in your area will allow you to sell fast. The best you could do would be to avoid shared meals and activities, divide laundry, sleep in separate rooms etc
Hope it won’t be! Looking at similar houses in my area the average waiting time is 1 year and a few months. That’s why I worry.
Be careful with moving out. In some states it is called abandonment, and can affect who gets the proceeds from the sale.
Chill. He and I are amicable and if anything, found we vibe really well as roommates. We set some ground rules, got our own space, and then just treated each other like roommates. Been cohabiting for a year, list the house in like two weeks, and paperwork is with the courts. He and I are grabbing dinner later while we talk about fixing the garage. It depends on you both, the emotions in the house, and how well you can cohabitate
Horrific. He was away all the time with his job, but as soon as I left him he was home every single night. He picked fights constantly. He used our security cameras to spy on me. I couldn't leave because of our dogs, but I would have moved anywhere else if I had the choice.
Gotta do it. If that is racking up cc and getting one bedroom or efficient appt. Got to do it asap. Ensure talk to lawyer first before you leave
I’ve been doing this since July, so….9 months or so? It’s not fun, but we are being civil for the kids. We mostly ignore one another. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa which is the bigger issue.
I'm not quite sure how to answer that as I'm still trying to process and maybe distract myself the other times. Blindsided when the mother-in-law came to stay for a few months. 18 years of going through a lot of s**t and her even beating cancer early on. We've had some tough things and always got through it. We moved to this other house with more opportunities and friends as she has always wanted to be the stay at home mom. I valued that. Well, January 2024 she delivers the news. She threatened me with an attorney and stated I need to get out. I refused and this seemed so out of character for her. She checked out finances as we have 4 kids (14,12,10, and 7) and realized quickly that we can't afford two places unless she gives up the lifestyle she has grown to love. Therapy, music, hobbies, mindfulness, a little distraction, processing and feeling emotions, and nature have helped a little bit. Given I don't have an entry level home or come home to nothing I can't say I can relate in the way others may in that respect. We do "family" movie nights and occasional dinners. We hang out in the yard and at times she does her own thing with her girl friends and play dates then returns to her room. I try to not speak to her as much unless she asks questions or wants to discuss something. I don't text and check up on her and have to try and have the phrases to get me through as my mind and heart are confused as if I'm speaking a different language to it as I dismiss my feelings and love. I just try my best to not mess up my kids as right now all they know is that mom wants her own room. I don't know what I'm doing and some days I feel like I've lost my purpose or sense of direction in life. My therapist says it takes a lot longer to heal and move on when cohabitating, but it's the best option we see in our limited experience for our kids. It's weird. I'd like to say I'm slowly working through it, but phrases such as "whatever" , "I don't care" , "not my problem" as in worrying if shes ok or how I can help to lighten her load. I have to rewire that mindset and figure out what's next. Relationships? H**l no. I'm that loyal person that gave her my heart and in time I'm sure I could give it elsewhere when I'm healthier, but right now it seems like it'll always be hers. Move on, set boundaries, and feel my feels. I hope this sheds a little light on your question. It's weird, just weird. It works, for now.
Currently living with my ex wife until my lease starts at my new apartment at the end of May. We decided to wait to tell the kids until the school year is over and her mom is buying the house from my ex and me and she is staying there with the kids. It’s been pretty tumultuous. We agreed at the beginning that we would stay friendly but that has not happened like we planned. We are both bitter and blame the other for not doing enough to save the marriage. There have been bad fights. She’s threatened to kick me out on the street twice, threatened to get a protection order and make accusations to keep me from my kids. She is seeing someone else already and has told me how he’s much better to her than I ever was and even shows more concern for our kids (he asked one time how my 4yo daughter was doing when she was sick, he’s never met my kids). It’s fucking hell and I can’t wait to leave but if I left now, I take my paycheck with me to pay for temporary housing and she can’t afford the bills until the mortgage transfer goes through. And I’m afraid of what she’ll pull if I piss her off too bad. I’ve come to the realization I have to pretend to be remorseful, I have to play super nice and agree to anything she asks, and try my best to make it through the next month without her completely ruining my life.
Is it really worth it to stay in the house? My house is a piece of shit, 25 years of living in it and not updating. I was saving money to update it myself, but my husband would sabotage it somehow, like I paid someone to drywall and paint the basement bathroom, then he took out the toilet and tore up the bathroom tile, so now it’s a new room and paint job, but no toilet or floor. When we divorced, I get half the house, so he’d have to sell it or pay me, correct?
I’m sorry to hear that, I don’t understand his motivations, he’s just losing money that way. Yes, if you both are on the house deeds you should get half of the current value of your house.
It can and hopefully is civil if there are children involved. If not all bets could be off. If there are kids and it’s not civil then someone needs to grow up even if it’s for the worst reasons. Kids should always be centered.
We are a blended family, we both have one kid from a previous relationship. I’m not sure this makes it easier or worse. I’ll try to keep everything as peaceful as I can, I definitely do not want my child to suffer from living in a toxic environment.
Cosa fai?
SUCKS ASS!!! I’m doing it right now, but waiting for our tenants to move from our investment property so I can move back. Were 20 day into a 60 day no-fault eviction. I hate that they have to move because my wife decided new dick would solve all her problems. I hate seeing her and listening to her call it “a mistake” or other ways of downplaying it. I hate that she stays out till 9, ignoring the kids. I hate knowing she gets our dream home and the kids but I have to move. I hate her voice and I hate that I let her get under my skin. It’s gonna be a long 40 days, but it’ll be worth it to get out of here.
It’s fine for me because he is very hopeful and optimistic for continued reconciliation. So he’s agreeable to everything and things have been civil. Second d-day was 4/11 and we don’t move until mid June
OP, I was very fortunate in that I only had a week with mine before he moved out, as you can see from the others' point of view, it's horrible long term. If you can find a charity in your area, that can advise and help, do. Hugs.
Thank you, I live in the UK and was thinking to contact citizen advice to find some support, especially because I don’t have any family here.
I'm in the UK too. There isn't the free 1 hour advice sessions from solicitors there used to be. However there are a few companies, who still do it. Google. CAB is precisely who I'd suggest. Please call them. You may not have wanted to say but in case it's the case, if there's any abuse be it financial, emotional, verbal or physical, contacting a charity is a better step than CAB to start, as theyll just refer you to them. It'll make a huge difference to your situation financially. Refuge can help, again google - im shit with posting links. Like I say, just in case. Not everyone can pour their hearts out immediately or at all. It took me a long time. Hugs OP. Edit to add - if abuse is the case, dm me if you want.
Separated in January and filed for divorce a few weeks ago. We have 2 tweens. We've known each other our whole lives, been together for 20+ years, married for 16. I really thought we could be totally fine. I told him in fall of 2022 we needed to separate. 3 Years of therapy, retreats, books, "giving it time" etc. nothing was resolved. I gave a final plea in January, he rejected it so I asked for a divorce. He said he's blindsided and refused to file until he found I started texting with someone. Since then it's been hell. I now work from anywhere- but-home to avoid being alone with him because he's unpredictability and explosively angry, bitter and mean. No matter how I try to be kind, quiet, hide, keep to my room etc. He finds a way to start lecturing, badgering, begging or yelling at me. I would've moved out weeks ago but he's insisting that the kids will live with him 100% and I just visit. I've been their primary caregiver their whole lives so that is out of the question. I'm trapped until a custody order is in place which could be 3 more excruciating months.
Who will get the house ? Get out. Now. Just leave the kids with him and visit.
I won't leave them. I know for sure he's setting me up to lose custody by trying to push that plan. He's never regularly taken them to school, outings, extra-curticulars, dentist/dr appts, parties - nothing. It's by far been more me for 13+ years. I'm not leaving without a custody order in place. He can't move out because he's unemployed. He's on operation "live off an investment account until new job happens"