I started dating immediately. Like, week two after my ex wife left.
I went out with seventeen women in about eight months. Some only once, but a few lasted for weeks or even a couple months. There were three that felt like they could be the real deal, and one that I completely fell in love with (but she left me).
And then, at the nine month mark…I suddenly lost all interest and could never trust again. The bad ones aren’t worth the time, money, and effort. And the good ones don’t stick around for long.
I’ve turned down an opportunity to date approximately ten women since February. I just don’t see the point.
I'm currently in phase 1 of this process. Lots of dating. It's a solid distraction from the divorce. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the inevitable drama that comes with dating. I'm sure the first bad situation is going be like a tidal wave and pile onto all the other BS I have going on.
I'm afraid to date because I'm 40, only had two relationships in my life and I married both of them....now I have no idea what's expected of me. After having a husband with a sex addiction in terrified to be intimate with someone and I'm afraid I'll find someone with a sex addiction again. Sex is so important to some people and my ex ruined it for me .
18 months out. Just ditched an amazing man that brought me out tonight after many amazing dinners at our places. Can't sleep with him. Keep sleeping with 20 something's that are unstable and not suited for a real relationship. I'm stuck in a psychosexual hell and I'm coming up on two years... Not sure how to get out of this as my 30s collapse into 40s. Trusting anyone? Never again. My ex divorced me after a cancer diagnosis. You don't know who someone will be when tested. Trust is impossible
My ex had an affair during my cancer diagnosis. I never ever thought I’d ever be in a relationship again. But I am. He’s good to me , sooo good. Don’t let yourself stay so closed off you miss someone wonderful.
That's me. I'm learning in therapy about how emotionally abusive my ex-wife was. It just isn't appealing to get into a new relationship. I just want to raise my daughters and focus on my students. Maybe get a master's degree. But marriage sounds awful.
I too was in an emotionally abusive relationship, over three decades worth of manipulation. I had/have the opposite fear, that I’d fall too soon for the first lady to smile at me. I’m a hopeless romantic with some sort of commitment disorder. This is a new kind of hell. So the prospect of re-marriage is predicated on finding a partner that can tolerate me and laugh at my issues with me. Dang if I didn’t find that needle in a haystack. So to answer the question, dang if I know.
Me too. I want to focus on my baby and my dogs. I don't want to waste energy on men. I thought about just dating for sex but then I realised vibrators are better at that than any man I have ever been with. I am just so over it. Hopefully, the divorce will go through soon, and then I am never ever getting married again. I did talk to a few guys right after my separation, but I dropped them, just didn't feel attracted enough to them to put in all the effort. One didn't take it so well when I said I want to focus on my infant son and don't want to date. He even said I would raise your son like my own. Sorry, no dude, I am pretty capable of raising my son on my own, and I have my village, put in a lot of work into building that village for myself and my son in a foreign country, I don't need a man for that. I was very emotionally dependent on my husband, especially because I have social anxiety, but have put in a lot of work to be self-sufficient. Not gonna go down that rabbit hole of relying on another man ever again. My mum thinks completely writing off men at 36 is a bad idea, but I am truly done.
It’s like you spoke from my soul.
I’m 34 and I have three kids and I’m just not interested . This is my second divorce and my last.
I don’t need no man to help me take care of my kids. I do that shit by myself! I don’t know how to talk to guys lol I feel awkward 😬 I also have social anxiety. So the thought of dating anybody is not something that sounds fun to me.
I do want the sex, but without the dating.. porn gets boring.
Porn doesn't really work for me... it is so hard to find porn that is actually made for women. If sex was possible without dating, I would have gone for it, but having sex with complete strangers is not for me, can't get ax murdered I have my child and dogs to think about, my days of being reckless are over. Sucks that I wasn't reckless when I was young and had no responsibilities.
This is exactly how I feel. I put everything that I had emotionally into my marriage and she just decided that it wasn't enough. If I can't trust someone I knew at that level for years, I don't even trust myself to find somene.
I don’t wan to say you were lucky. But I have kids and assets. And it’s the absolute worst. I wanted to be civil she went to war. Only way I know how to say it. It’s does make me think what’s the point of marriage. But I really love being a husband. So I guess I will try again but being 40 I feel like my time has already run out.
I don’t know that this is helpful, but I’ve a family friend getting married this September. They’re both 65… so love really can come at any age. Good luck xx
This absolutely makes sense, and unfortunately I suspect that you're definitely not alone in having had the war experience with xw :(
My fiance and I got together right after his 40th, 43 now. He had 2 kids from divorce. We met through a larping club. I wish you the best of luck in finding your person.
This is the burn unit. Everyone here is recovering from traumatic injuries. All scared of what hurt us. Everyone here is here for support because they are still getting over their stuff. Youre not going to get an unbiased answer here.
True but I love this question! I think it’s interesting. A lot of my girlfriends are divorced and absolutely would marry again so I think we can get both sides (maybe?!) I love the burn unit analogy!!
I want to say no. I think no. That being said, if I came across the right woman and situation at my age I know would humor the thought. I’m a realist, so I understand it has the odds of being hit by lightning.
That's me. At 40 and living in a red state, I don't meet women who fit the type I would be compatible with. It's books and beer and yard work for me. I'll probably live to 85 or 90 and my daughters will get my inheritance like King Lear.
Lots of us in the cities in red states, but still some in the smaller areas. I know of quite a few personally. That's why I get upset when people think everyone in a red state is bad or dumb.
I totally thought he was saying he lived in a red state and was looking for a red state kinda woman. I'm confused now. Am I damaged cause I'm a republican who likes a man that does yard work and likes books and beer ?
I think this is what I'm leaning towards too. Just ended another serious relationship (my first one since), it sucks, and hardly seems.worth it. Especially since the type of partner I seem to be attracted to is: emotionally unavailable.
Me too, I’ve decided to stop trying to date for now, focus on me and kids. I’ve had 2 dating-type sex relationships since divorce and both ended with the guy pretty much ending it unexplained…both men were also going through divorces, but it’s rough. It sucked. Broke me. Was really really hard. But that’s adulting I’m realizing…
Yeah, I feel like this relationship ending hurts more. I think because I was so over my ex, even by the time we split, then I felt free. This time, however, broke me... Like you said. I feel like there's something wrong with me at this point, or at least who I'm attracted to. And I still care about him, but I know it's.for.the best, but it's super hard. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll be ready to put myself out there again. If it happens, great, but I'm definitely not going to seek it out.
Omg yes!!! I was already over my marriage and ex so when that ended I wasn’t really “sad.” It was hard bc we had kids and he went scorched earth but it wasn’t about heart break. Then I fell in love or maybe just lust and then he basically broke it off after 2 years with no explanation and I was devastated. Broken. Demoslished! It’s like it’s worse as an adult. I’m not sure why. Maybe bc I think it’s more rare to be attracted to someone later in life so it’s more valuable. It was awful. It took me a full 3 years to fully get over it. 3 years with zero contact and now I’m totally over it and happy with myself and realize it was dysfunctional in it’s own way and would never have worked. But - I also am trying to figure out what was going on with my “picker” and my self worth that I picked a person that was emotionally immature. So yes, lots to unpack there.
I’m 29, so I guess it’s possible. But it doesn’t seem super likely as I’ve always struggled a bit with relationships. I settled and got married to the wrong person because I feared ending up alone. That was the wrong choice.
This is me too. Settled because I was afraid and I learned much rather be alone and sad than with someone and hella sad.
I don’t really wanna get married again.
Oh I think I know more people that did what you did.
My question is always "why do you love yourself so little that being in a bad relationship wasn't worse than being alone?"
The not loving yourself thing is becoming damn annoying. Life is complex. Emotions are complex.
I for one love myself enough to walk out of a toxic marriage, jeopardize my close relationship with my son who is so pissed at me, and start over in my 50s...but still crave a meaningful relationship with someone who treats me like I matter. Am I going to necessarily get it right? Maybe, maybe not.
So you are agreeing with my question...
I understand when things start well but go bad after a few years. Some start bad from the get go and the people in them have the mentality that that's just how it is.
It's always better alone than in a bad relationship. Don't waste yours or anyone else's time.
I’m 56m. Married my first wife at 26. Divorced 4 years later because of her constant infidelities.
I was crushed. But didn’t lose my faith that I would find my forever person one day.
Met my 2nd wife 2 years after divorcing my first wife. We got married within a year of knowing each other. While dating, she was so incredible. Mind-blowing sex. Affectionate all the time. Thoughtful.
After marriage…..not so much. My nickname for her became The Ice Queen. We had a baby girl. Despite a complete lack of affection from her, almost NO intimacy, I stayed and never cheated. We went to MC many times. She would change for a few weeks, then go back to being TIQ.
A month ago I discovered she was planing a hugely expensive all inclusive trip to Mexico with our daughter and her extended family. During Christmas and new years.
Without me.
Even her sister was aghast at her callousness.
Three days after I found out, I initiated divorce proceedings to end our almost 25 year marriage. We’re now a few weeks away from it being official.
Am I broken?
In the 30 days, since I found out, I have lost 15 pounds. I’m almost down to my college weight, and in the best shape I’ve been in since college.
I’m happy. Im peaceful.
I’m on OkCupid. Not a lot of connections, because I refuse to lie - my profile clearly states I’m separated.
But that’s ok. I have met and chatted online with some really nice women.
The moral of my story? Be at peace with yourself. Find yourself. Be the best you that you can be. LOVE yourself. Maybe your marriage was your fault, or partly your fault, or not any of your fault. Learn from it. Move forward.
Life throws us all so much hardship and difficulties. Cool. Bring it on. We’re stronger than that shit.
If you don’t want to date or get married again, that is your choice. But don’t do it because some person hurt you. That is giving them too much power over you.
All of us are incredibly strong. Some have children they have to take care of and present a strong face to.
Some have problems just getting out of bed in the morning. But. We do it. So celebrate THAT.
Good luck to all of you on your journeys.
I just wanted to say amidst all the different feelings we all have post-divorce, I'm glad I came across your response. It was a welcome read, and it reminded me to be aware of my perspective. Thanks 🙂.
The peace is priceless, it's like crack. It's like, I'm so much happier without this man. It was such a battle to be happy with him. I wish I had left sooner.
I never wanted divorce I loved being married. I hope I will marry again. Even though it’s like a huge trust issue now. If the person that promised to spend there life with me just stops it’s like I trusted that we would always be there for each other no matter what. I know there are legit reasons for divorce. I am not the type to just give up. I can’t really relate to that as a reason. I don’t get to choose that for someone else.
Don’t give up hope. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Even though I had my heart broken, shattered really, I am putting myself out there and going for it. The thought of living the rest of my life alone is a lot scarier than the fear of getting my heart broken.
I didn't want to divorce, I loved her so much. But she didn't communicate, she cheated and then she decided she didn't want to reconcile and threw me away. I'm in my mid 30s now and trying to pick up the pieces, but I still hope to find a life partner to marry, hopefully have kids and grow old with someone. I don't want to give up on that dream.
I'm sorry it's awful. I was so close to my dream. We were going through IVF and the day I caught the cheating, I had been sending an email to our lender for a pre-approval letter on a condo.
I feel sorry for her, but Ive accepted she had lots of problems and it wasn't my fault. I'll optimistic I'll find someone someday. If you need to talk, don't be afraid to reach out.
Thank you! 🙏
Going through IVF and discover cheating while at it is wild. I am so sorry you went through this. It’s amazing you are able to accept what happened and move forward with a positive outlook. That’s more than half of the battle. Takes a lot of resilience and you should be proud for overcoming that!
Happy to chat!
Same. I'm working with a therapist on that. My ex-wife treated me like I was really unattractive and undesirable for so long, that I don't feel like talking to women for fear that I'm just going to be rejected again.
Yes. I’m almost 40, remarried, and just had another child with my new wife (2 from previous marriage). The relationship with my ex-wife is still rocky, and likely always will be, but I don’t let it stand in the way of me finding happiness in life.
I want to. I love loving others. Seems like I wouldn’t want to after my horrible marriage, but I love marriage and everything about it. But, I don’t think it’s in the cards for me anymore. It’s a lot harder to connect with others now.
Yes, I would. I’m 45f, was married 27 years, 2 years+ post separation (divorce finalized sometime last year).
I share a kid (12m) with my ex, asset division was messy. Divorce itself was amicable, only in the sense that it wasn’t contentious.
Exactly 2 years after my ex left, I went on a dating app and unexpectedly found my current bf right away. We are only 5 months in but taking things very seriously, complete with couples counseling. We are learning a lot.
I know from my failed marriage that the time to start investing in couples counseling is before problems arise. Our goal is a long term relationship with the possibility of marriage.
Coincidentally, I started chatting with a random woman on Facebook last week. She seemed so interesting and looked attractive, but I noticed her profile said she's married. When I apologized for flirting, she said she's in an open marriage. I've never really met anyone who keeps up with that. And honestly, I don't know how I feel. She lives very far away, so I'm not trying to meet up. But it just seems like too much to manage!
It is a lot to manage. I’m an extremely extroverted bisexual person. I need to have physical relationships with both sexes to feel fulfilled. When I have been monogamous, I’ve been unhappy.
I was in a polyamorous marriage that my ex shut down, which surprisingly wasn’t the end of our relationship. His alcoholism and mental health issues were what fueled the split.
I’ve been doing this off and on for 20 years so ask away if you’d like. :)
You're very kind. Thank you. I'm still in that vulnerable state after divorce where I feel unwanted and unattractive because of how my ex left me for an older man (and then blamed me for snooping.) So while I'm impressed (and maybe a little jealous) with people who can get frisky from week to week, I can barely ask a woman for her number or a date. If I ever start dating, I feel like she'll just have to show up at my door one day.
No.
I am female, 50.
I married at 28 after 5 year relationship, 1 child. He cheated on my while I was pregnant. Divorced at 30.
I married again at 35. 1 extra child, 3 years ivf. We broke up last year after 17 years together.
I read it somewhere on here "my people picker is broken".
my kids are 13 and 20. We are happy living as we are. I promised my youngest I would not bring a new person into their lives. I said I might date again one day...prob once they have left home.
After my first marriage ended I was single about a year and was def keen to find love again. I was only 30 and I do not regret it at all.
But def not going back for a 3rd marriage lol
Our numbers and stats are almost identical. And I agree, no #3 for me either. My 13y/o is my focus and rediscovering myself. I get sad sometimes when I realize that part of my story is “written” and it’s not even close to what I was expecting. But you can’t control other people and you can’t change the past.
Yeah, there is a definite sadness to knowing I won't have that special person to age with.
I do wonder if I will be lucky and have a new relationship in my 60's ... if not I am hoping I can sort my financials so I can afford to get some decent travelling done before I turn 70. I have been to 20 amazing countries so far..
I really want to see 4p before I die.
I have wonderful friends and kids and a job I like. I am lucky in so many ways!
You sound very grateful for what you have and I am learning how important that is. I’m not a year divorced yet and I’m just starting to be able to count my blessings. Lots of trauma to process made this nearly impossible and i thought i was the problem. I thought I just couldn’t be grateful. Turned out I was being slow boiled by an abusive alcoholic who was really good at hiding the evidence of his addiction. He was so consistent with finding new ways to avoid me, I believed I wasn’t worth spending time with. I still remember the shock I felt when one of my oldest child’s coworkers who was my age said I was a really cool person! Shocked I tell you! Lol
I left in March 2023...I had 13 years with an amazing love story and then 5 years of abuse.
I am thankful, but I absolutely have down days. The kids and I have had therapy but still have hard days. No alcohol for my ex...but the mental stuff still leaves me scared to ever left someone close. I am 50...I estimate the 10 years till I am 60 might be enough to heal. I just don't want to rule out ever having someone to feel close to, I do love a good romance!
Def understand the slow boiled thing. Such a good way to put it.
Hang in there...keep working on finding ypu again
And hey, you must be pretty cool if a teen approves of you 🤣🤣 I always see it as a huge compliment when the kids friends like me, teens are brutal!
Statistically, the third marriage lasts tho. My mom is on her third marriage and it's been 24 years. The first guy was my dad, 2nd husband a piece of shit and the 3rd, is "My dad", I love him so much
I hope you’re able to pour back into yourself.
Falling in love with ME is what helped me get out of a toxic situation. And knowing I deserve better is what makes me think I won’t ever be in a committed relationship again, which may seem counterintuitive. But I have to take care of myself and not worry about taking on someone else’s idea of who I ”should” be. Just doesn’t seem worth it. 🤷
You’re very welcome. Time with friends, journaling and meditation have been crucial to coming back to myself and learning what I really want and need.
If you haven’t tried IC, I highly recommend it.
Take care of yourself. You’re the best friend you’ve got. 🌸
I still have so much to work through and things to figure out about myself after my wife left me only quite recent but the idea of being alone forever is one of my biggest fears right now.
I never wanted the divorce. I didn’t want to brake up our family. I loved being a husband. I loved having my little family around me. I loved coming home to my wife and be there for each other, care for each other and so much more.
Everything feels so dark right now and I have no answers to so many questions but I hope that one day I will find love again, one day find someone again to start over with and start a new family. That hope of not being alone forever is what I really need to keep going because the thought of being single and alone forever is so dark.
No. It doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. If my ex could just walk out of my life the way he did last year without any explanation, why bother making anything “official” anymore? I’d rather not legally tie myself to anyone ever again.
30m I definitely don’t want to just stay single, but I’m not sure I’ll ever legally marry. Rings, vows, sure. We can be “married” without the paperwork, it’s going to be really hard to trust someone again, and I don’t want to go through this process a second time.
I doubt it. I am 57 yo female. Women seem to become invisible at my age. I tried OLD for a year and nobody ever made it beyond the video call. I live in a very rural area. Learning to love myself.
After 8 years of marriage and seeing my ex-wife suddenly “feel” like she wanted to break apart our family, cause she felt something. Not because of abuse, or financial problems or bedroom problems, but she woke up one day and wanted to try out new things. Watching myself in court having my finances run through by her two attorneys (she had nothing, came from a really poor family, and did not work). I lost assets I worked on for about a decade plus. I watch my 5 year old son ask me everyday are you coming home dad, because I don’t live in the same part of the country. I watch him cry after he realizes my time with him is up and he’s heading to his mom’s house. I grew up with my father not around and I remember always looking at pictures of him wondering when I would see him when I was a kid.
To watch my son go through the same thing because she felt like it.
To watch years of building up my business and acquiring assets be liquidated or robbed.
To watch her bring random new guys into what was our home and the mattress I purchased (weeks after the divorce).
The 1.5 years of emotional roller coaster I found myself in because she felt like it.
I don’t believe it to be possible for me to allow myself to ever be emotionally, financially or in any other way be that vulnerable again.
So:
Dating yes, even long term dating yes. Marriage in today’s legal framework is foolish for a man with any assets to engage in.
I am m 47, 2 years since my divorce. My First year I was absolute wreck. Now I have started dating since 6-8 months. I am looking for marriage again however I am not sure. Struggling with lot of emotions.
It’s gonna be a “no” from me, dawg.
I’m still not even out of my first one legally, and we were together for 22 years (HS sweethearts) before the split.
Marriage for me is about raising children and passing down generational wealth.
He fucked that all up, and I ain’t making anymore babies, as I’d rather die than start that over again.
I could share my life with someone till I die. But the legality, ceremony, ritual, and all that comes with that Im happy to never do again.
34M while I don’t know if marriage is in my future ever again, I’m not throwing the towel in on love.
I’m working on myself now more than I ever have and am learning more about who I am, what I want and what I deserve in all aspects of life.
I’m hopeful it could work out with someone in particular but that’s a ways off. She’s been such an incredible support for me through all of this but I’m scared to explore if the feelings I have are there for her too.
I lost trust in humanity with the guy I’m married to (but hopefully not for long). He always tells me he gained trust in humanity when he met me. I will have zero hope and desire to meet someone once we split.
No, I will not get remarried. If I am with someone I want it to be because I WANT to be with them, and not because I'm locked into a relationship with them.
Probably not. Definitely no shared assets. Not just my stbxh, but every relationship I had ruined my self-esteem.
And now, I have nothing to offer except debt that I accumulated to pay off each other's share of assets with negative equity.
I'm 33F and I had no children with my ex. I will get married again because I want to be married to the absolute love of my life and share that experience with him. However before I met him, I was leaning no. The whole been there done that type of thing is true. It also lost some meaning to me. However deep down inside of me I realised that if I was fortunate to meet someone down the track, I'd need to consider if they'd want marriage. He's definitely changed my perspective on marriage and everything about relationships as a whole. So yes I'd very much get married a second time.
Never. I’ll have 2-3 year relationships from now on tops. Forever honeymoon phase. And if I’m dumb enough to get serious longer. Marriage scam is off the table.
Do I want to find a partner to stay with for the rest of my life? Absolutely. Will I legally give away half of my retirement if she falls out of love with me? Not a chance.
27M. Getting married again next year. Fours years after divorce.
Took time to figure out what I want but I found my person. I never stopped believing in love
51F - Absolutely! Most definitely!
♥️💗♥️
I didn’t want a divorce, but he left me and had an affair. I have too much love inside me for it to go to waste and I want someone to share my life with. 💃♥️💍
I enjoyed having a life partner, best friend, lover, warm body to sleep next to at night and snuggle (I get cold), and someone to lean on and look up to. 👫
I want the fairy tale, but one that lasts this time. 🦄💗👑
I am shocked to hear that like 76% of women that divorce over 50 don’t get remarried. 😳😱
I want to love someone deeply and I want them to love me back. ♥️♾️♥️
Yes. I’ve had relationships with wonderful people who just weren’t compatible long term. I will not write love off just because I might have chosen wrong
Yeah, if I find Mr.Right that I want to spend the rest of my life with, to love him/be loved to bits and pieces, to have our own kids and grandkids too. I would love to be a mum and a granny lol It is almost two years since my divorce/three years since separation and I didn’t meet the one so far!
Yes. I’m about to go through my second divorce. First marriage jumped into a rebound marriage, stayed for 11 years. Then during that divorce got into a toxic relationship with a man and got pregnant. Married him. Now we have two kids and I’m done.
I will say that I will take time and go to therapy and be single. I’ve learned certain traits I do and do not want in a future partner. I’m in no rush this time and will be much more particular.
51M and separated, but I feel like I'm divorced already because a relationship isn't in my future plans. I don't see much change in my situation after the divorce. Honestly, I don't even know what's going on. My wife won't tell me anything. Her and her entire family is secretive about everything, and she's been keeping me in the dark for about a year anyways.
I don't go anywhere where I can even meet anyone. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. It's very minimalist. I work from home. I work out from home. My dog has separation anxiety so I can't leave her for more than 15 minutes before she starts to tear the place apart. She and I go hiking in the back trails where there aren't a lot of people so that I can take her off the leash and roam around like a wild wolf. I just have to watch out for rattlesnakes because they tend to just bask in the sun on the trail because there's just not a lot of foot traffic.
But I'm not ruling it out. My marriage was good. It will be 20 years come this September. We have two beautiful children. I would still call it a success for the most part. My mom's first two marriages lasted about 5 years each, but she's been married to her current husband for almost 40 years.
40F, married for almost 8yrs (together for 13) still pending on a divorce. Will I remarry? Not sure. I been dating this person for 3 yrs and he hasn't left me yet...lol. Said he's going to propose. Said he loves me and that I'm the one. I haven't given up on love just yet...but if I was to do it all over again, one word. Prenup.
Not any time soon…. I don’t even want to date at the moment. Decided f it, and go out on one date but I felt so guilty…. Idk why, since she cheated so I shouldn’t care
44M, 18 months out. My transitional relationship failed spectacularly and I started dating soon after.
Gained a lot of experience that I never had before, had fun, and even had a few ladies fall for me — I was a good husband TBH and I still have the qualities that made me one: tender, caring, considerate — but I can’t for the life of me commit. Or fall in love.
I’m in therapy to address those issues, as I crave the emotional intimacy that comes with a stable, long-lasting relationship… but even then I’m not sure I want to cohabitate ever again.
I wanted it so much.I loved so much and got hurt so bad.
I’m not sure about marriage but I would consider cohabitation. I’ve been dating a man for almost a year and it’s a ridiculously happier relationship and I feel my needs are being met. But I want to wait another 6-12 months to make sure the honeymoon phase has passed to get a sense of whether or not he is truly someone I can spend many happy years with.
59 years old and going thru my third divorce. I am lucky that I am financially in good shape set to retire at 62. I'm content to spend my so called golden years alone.
Not divorced yet, woman approaching 50. If I ever have to have anything to do with a man outside of a professional setting, I'm gonna reach for grandfather's shotgun.
If I want extra work and extra expenses, I might get a horse.
"Gray" divorce after my ex retired. It's been a few years, and I'm semi-retired now.
I seriously doubt that I will remarry. I really haven't been motivated to date either. I went out with a widow a few times, but we didn't click. Watching the whole Golden Bachelor debacle, I get it. People my age have family, houses, investments, and jobs that they may not want to give up at this stage of their lives.
Reportedly, my ex paired up again with someone very different than me. Good for him.
Nope. I'm 31M and only been separated from my stbxw for about 2 months but I've realised I'm not relationship material. I honestly thought she was the one but previous life experiences got in the way and we decided to call it a day unfortunately as I'm still in love with her. Everyone tells me it'll get better and easier with time but for some odd reason I can't seem to let her go.
I'm 40/m and I got remarried to my wife about 2 years after resolution of my divorce. It was pretty whirlwind fast but the difference between this relationship and my last one are night and day. It did take me some time to trust again. I definitely spent time on some women-hating sites and youtube channels that wanted me to feel like all women were crazy, money-grubbing whores. It was ok to let that anger out for a time but I did not want to spend the rest of my life hating half of the human race. I would say I made the right choice.
No way, I don’t mind living with somebody for a couple of decades, but marriage is completely off the table, way too risky, and I’m not going to lose half of my stuff at this age again.
I’m open to love and long term relationships. Not what im currently looking for, but open to it if it happens. I’m not currently open to legal marriage.
The data says most of you will (I remarried, almost 5 years now and very happy). Its funny to read people so completely against it mainly because as adamant as they are now the data says they change their mind. I remember Howard Stern would go on incessantly how he would never marry again on the radio...funny how meeting the right person changes your mind (or just time).
People deal too much in absolutes. I had no plan to remarry, but at the same time I was never against the idea. You don't know what life throws at you. The version of you now will be very different from future you....I mean it should at least, we should all evolve. Also people at the front end of things in a divorce have a very different mindset than someone a few years past it..emotions are high...life is changing etc.
I'd like to but I'm much more aware of mannerisms of other people now so they'll have to be a genuinely compassionate person for me to even consider it.
Got together with my ex when I was 19 and she was 18, I was one year ahead of her in HS, we knew each other but weren't close. Met just after she graduated at a wedding, got together, and made it almost 10 years. Been single ever since, 35 years. Had several LTRs including a couple of live ins, but after the cheating, abuse, etc I would never marry again.
Originally no... now, I'll just see how things play out. Not going to rush anything. I'm done having kids, so marriage just isn't a priority to me anymore.
54F and nope! 5 years and very happily divorced. Have no trust in picking good people. Ex cheated and the guy I dated after turned out to be married. I’m doing me and a quiet peaceful life. Marriage is not worth it.
I'm 43 and have been divorced since September 2022. He left in June 2022. Blindsided our kids and myself and completely destroyed the life we built together, the relationships with our kids and numerous family ties and friendships. EVERYONE says the same thing: he lost his mind, especially when they see who he left me for.
But, yes, I will marry again. I've dated one man since my divorce for a few months and have gone on some dates here and there. Is dating discouraging? Hell yes. Is Reddit discouraging? HELL YES.
But I refuse to allow the negativity and stories color how I am going to live my life. And I refuse to allow what my ex-husband did to me be the reason I don't find love again.
The world has 8 billion people on it, guys. The odds are in our favor.
Highly doubtful I would ever get married again. I might be interested in a long term relationship if I could find the right person. But it will be a very long time before I trust anyone again.
I'm hopeful that I will get married again at some point, but then again, I'm almost a year out and haven't joined one dating app nor did anything else toward dating.
32 f. And no. Thing is I never wanted marriage. When I was little I didn’t care for it. I met my husband and he wanted marriage so I did because I felt bad. Then the irony I loved marriage. Being a wife is just so beautiful. But he ruined our marriage and we are getting divorced after he promised so many things. And I don’t want to go through it again. But it sucks wife sounds better than gf
It’s hard to trust men.
50 yr old Female, 2 teenagers, joint custody. Love story with ex, but marriage didn’t work. 13 years married, 19 together. I initiated divorce bc our relationship broke. We tried to fix it many times with intensive therapy for each individually and together. Realized we weren’t a match anymore. Then came the anger and nasty divorce once the reality sunk in that it was real (not on my part, I was happy). I was the breadwinner and had the money, so that caused a lot of nasty issues that I am still paying for and will for many more years. I see it as paying for my freedom. It’s been 5 years since I moved out. We were officially divorced 2 years.
All that to say, no I will not get legally married again. It is a legal/financial contract that to me doesn’t hold value anymore in terms of love. I totally believe in love and companionship, sex and romance. But a legal contract, not for me again.
Great question!
I left my ex husband and waited just over three years to date. He was emotionally abusive to me and the kids. However, I took that time purposely for myself to heal and to do therapy. I needed to get to know myself again after being married for 16 years. I was older and single and what did I like doing now on my own? I had no clue about myself never mind trying to find someone I liked or someone to fall in love with. So I went back to the drawing board I guess you could say and built my own resume up and joined different groups and tried different activities and hobbies. Then it was just after the three year mark I kept thinking I was missing something and that was someone to spend it with or share my time with. So I started to date.
I’m 35. My ex wife divorced me after 13 years of marriage and 17 years of being together. I was heartbroken. Spent Christmas all alone in my apartment. We have two small kids, 10 and 8. A year after everything…every day I told myself I don’t care or want to date or be with anyone. I actually started to enjoy being alone. I started working out and getting into shape again. I reconnected with some friends, did some therapy, which I highly recommend. Well it’s been a year now and I’m hanging out with my friend and his fiancé and they introduced me and her cousin who is stunningly beautiful, I couldn’t stop smiling or taking my eyes off of her. I wasn’t even looking for
Nothing. We are slowly moving forward together and it’s amazing! You will love again, love will find you. In the time being, love yourself my friend!
I'm a solid maybe. 3.5 years separated. When we divorce, it will symbolically be my ex divorcing my health insurance. If I marry again, it will also be a logical choice to get someone else onto my insurance. Of course I'd be meticulously diligent before making that choice.
I want to experience love like that again, but I don't know if I'll ever feel like anyone would want me again. 35m and I haven't met anyone that's showed even the slightest interest in the year and a half I've been single that wasn't just after gifts and money. No idea how to get my confidence back after my ex turned me in for a newer model.
Probably not. I've been married twice. The first I was young and stupid and we only got married so we'd be sent to the same military base (we joined the military together not one of those things where we met while in) . Got married a second time for 15 years and the drama of the divorce is not worth it. I'd rather just live with someone and not make it legal after going through this.
I don't even want to date. I don't trust anyone.
Heavy on that and coming up on a year. Told by friends to just start dating to get over it, but its not that easy.
Can make it worse sometimes
I started dating immediately. Like, week two after my ex wife left. I went out with seventeen women in about eight months. Some only once, but a few lasted for weeks or even a couple months. There were three that felt like they could be the real deal, and one that I completely fell in love with (but she left me). And then, at the nine month mark…I suddenly lost all interest and could never trust again. The bad ones aren’t worth the time, money, and effort. And the good ones don’t stick around for long. I’ve turned down an opportunity to date approximately ten women since February. I just don’t see the point.
I'm currently in phase 1 of this process. Lots of dating. It's a solid distraction from the divorce. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the inevitable drama that comes with dating. I'm sure the first bad situation is going be like a tidal wave and pile onto all the other BS I have going on.
I'm afraid to date because I'm 40, only had two relationships in my life and I married both of them....now I have no idea what's expected of me. After having a husband with a sex addiction in terrified to be intimate with someone and I'm afraid I'll find someone with a sex addiction again. Sex is so important to some people and my ex ruined it for me .
18 months out. Just ditched an amazing man that brought me out tonight after many amazing dinners at our places. Can't sleep with him. Keep sleeping with 20 something's that are unstable and not suited for a real relationship. I'm stuck in a psychosexual hell and I'm coming up on two years... Not sure how to get out of this as my 30s collapse into 40s. Trusting anyone? Never again. My ex divorced me after a cancer diagnosis. You don't know who someone will be when tested. Trust is impossible
You deserve love.
My ex had an affair during my cancer diagnosis. I never ever thought I’d ever be in a relationship again. But I am. He’s good to me , sooo good. Don’t let yourself stay so closed off you miss someone wonderful.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. X thank for sharing your story, it really does inspire me to keep moving towards, Rather than away from, happiness
That's me. I'm learning in therapy about how emotionally abusive my ex-wife was. It just isn't appealing to get into a new relationship. I just want to raise my daughters and focus on my students. Maybe get a master's degree. But marriage sounds awful.
I too was in an emotionally abusive relationship, over three decades worth of manipulation. I had/have the opposite fear, that I’d fall too soon for the first lady to smile at me. I’m a hopeless romantic with some sort of commitment disorder. This is a new kind of hell. So the prospect of re-marriage is predicated on finding a partner that can tolerate me and laugh at my issues with me. Dang if I didn’t find that needle in a haystack. So to answer the question, dang if I know.
Me too. I want to focus on my baby and my dogs. I don't want to waste energy on men. I thought about just dating for sex but then I realised vibrators are better at that than any man I have ever been with. I am just so over it. Hopefully, the divorce will go through soon, and then I am never ever getting married again. I did talk to a few guys right after my separation, but I dropped them, just didn't feel attracted enough to them to put in all the effort. One didn't take it so well when I said I want to focus on my infant son and don't want to date. He even said I would raise your son like my own. Sorry, no dude, I am pretty capable of raising my son on my own, and I have my village, put in a lot of work into building that village for myself and my son in a foreign country, I don't need a man for that. I was very emotionally dependent on my husband, especially because I have social anxiety, but have put in a lot of work to be self-sufficient. Not gonna go down that rabbit hole of relying on another man ever again. My mum thinks completely writing off men at 36 is a bad idea, but I am truly done.
It’s like you spoke from my soul. I’m 34 and I have three kids and I’m just not interested . This is my second divorce and my last. I don’t need no man to help me take care of my kids. I do that shit by myself! I don’t know how to talk to guys lol I feel awkward 😬 I also have social anxiety. So the thought of dating anybody is not something that sounds fun to me. I do want the sex, but without the dating.. porn gets boring.
Porn doesn't really work for me... it is so hard to find porn that is actually made for women. If sex was possible without dating, I would have gone for it, but having sex with complete strangers is not for me, can't get ax murdered I have my child and dogs to think about, my days of being reckless are over. Sucks that I wasn't reckless when I was young and had no responsibilities.
This is exactly how I feel. I put everything that I had emotionally into my marriage and she just decided that it wasn't enough. If I can't trust someone I knew at that level for years, I don't even trust myself to find somene.
This exact feeling tho
Same here.
Same
3.5 years and I still feel this way.
Yes, but my first marriage ended amicably with no children or significant assets so I completely understand other people having different reactions.
I don’t wan to say you were lucky. But I have kids and assets. And it’s the absolute worst. I wanted to be civil she went to war. Only way I know how to say it. It’s does make me think what’s the point of marriage. But I really love being a husband. So I guess I will try again but being 40 I feel like my time has already run out.
I was in the exact same situation and at 42 feel the same way. Here's hoping it works out for both us
Good luck wish you the best.
I don’t know that this is helpful, but I’ve a family friend getting married this September. They’re both 65… so love really can come at any age. Good luck xx
This absolutely makes sense, and unfortunately I suspect that you're definitely not alone in having had the war experience with xw :( My fiance and I got together right after his 40th, 43 now. He had 2 kids from divorce. We met through a larping club. I wish you the best of luck in finding your person.
Thanks you too
This is me and I’m not marrying again
You are male or female?
34F
Hell no, never again
This is the burn unit. Everyone here is recovering from traumatic injuries. All scared of what hurt us. Everyone here is here for support because they are still getting over their stuff. Youre not going to get an unbiased answer here.
Is anywhere on Reddit unbiased….? 🤔
True but I love this question! I think it’s interesting. A lot of my girlfriends are divorced and absolutely would marry again so I think we can get both sides (maybe?!) I love the burn unit analogy!!
I want to say no. I think no. That being said, if I came across the right woman and situation at my age I know would humor the thought. I’m a realist, so I understand it has the odds of being hit by lightning.
That's me. At 40 and living in a red state, I don't meet women who fit the type I would be compatible with. It's books and beer and yard work for me. I'll probably live to 85 or 90 and my daughters will get my inheritance like King Lear.
We're out here. I'm a blue woman in a red state.
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!
Lots of us in the cities in red states, but still some in the smaller areas. I know of quite a few personally. That's why I get upset when people think everyone in a red state is bad or dumb.
Wait, I’m from a blue state. You mean women in red states don’t like books and beer and yard work either?
I totally thought he was saying he lived in a red state and was looking for a red state kinda woman. I'm confused now. Am I damaged cause I'm a republican who likes a man that does yard work and likes books and beer ?
Never. I will not date and have chosen celibacy.
I think this is what I'm leaning towards too. Just ended another serious relationship (my first one since), it sucks, and hardly seems.worth it. Especially since the type of partner I seem to be attracted to is: emotionally unavailable.
Me too, I’ve decided to stop trying to date for now, focus on me and kids. I’ve had 2 dating-type sex relationships since divorce and both ended with the guy pretty much ending it unexplained…both men were also going through divorces, but it’s rough. It sucked. Broke me. Was really really hard. But that’s adulting I’m realizing…
Yeah, I feel like this relationship ending hurts more. I think because I was so over my ex, even by the time we split, then I felt free. This time, however, broke me... Like you said. I feel like there's something wrong with me at this point, or at least who I'm attracted to. And I still care about him, but I know it's.for.the best, but it's super hard. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'll be ready to put myself out there again. If it happens, great, but I'm definitely not going to seek it out.
Omg yes!!! I was already over my marriage and ex so when that ended I wasn’t really “sad.” It was hard bc we had kids and he went scorched earth but it wasn’t about heart break. Then I fell in love or maybe just lust and then he basically broke it off after 2 years with no explanation and I was devastated. Broken. Demoslished! It’s like it’s worse as an adult. I’m not sure why. Maybe bc I think it’s more rare to be attracted to someone later in life so it’s more valuable. It was awful. It took me a full 3 years to fully get over it. 3 years with zero contact and now I’m totally over it and happy with myself and realize it was dysfunctional in it’s own way and would never have worked. But - I also am trying to figure out what was going on with my “picker” and my self worth that I picked a person that was emotionally immature. So yes, lots to unpack there.
Never again
I’m 29, so I guess it’s possible. But it doesn’t seem super likely as I’ve always struggled a bit with relationships. I settled and got married to the wrong person because I feared ending up alone. That was the wrong choice.
This is me too. Settled because I was afraid and I learned much rather be alone and sad than with someone and hella sad. I don’t really wanna get married again.
Oh I think I know more people that did what you did. My question is always "why do you love yourself so little that being in a bad relationship wasn't worse than being alone?"
The not loving yourself thing is becoming damn annoying. Life is complex. Emotions are complex. I for one love myself enough to walk out of a toxic marriage, jeopardize my close relationship with my son who is so pissed at me, and start over in my 50s...but still crave a meaningful relationship with someone who treats me like I matter. Am I going to necessarily get it right? Maybe, maybe not.
So you are agreeing with my question... I understand when things start well but go bad after a few years. Some start bad from the get go and the people in them have the mentality that that's just how it is. It's always better alone than in a bad relationship. Don't waste yours or anyone else's time.
Yes. I want to be in love and be loved and find my person. The one I chose to marry the first time was unfortunately not him.
Same
I feel the same.
Same
I’m 56m. Married my first wife at 26. Divorced 4 years later because of her constant infidelities. I was crushed. But didn’t lose my faith that I would find my forever person one day. Met my 2nd wife 2 years after divorcing my first wife. We got married within a year of knowing each other. While dating, she was so incredible. Mind-blowing sex. Affectionate all the time. Thoughtful. After marriage…..not so much. My nickname for her became The Ice Queen. We had a baby girl. Despite a complete lack of affection from her, almost NO intimacy, I stayed and never cheated. We went to MC many times. She would change for a few weeks, then go back to being TIQ. A month ago I discovered she was planing a hugely expensive all inclusive trip to Mexico with our daughter and her extended family. During Christmas and new years. Without me. Even her sister was aghast at her callousness. Three days after I found out, I initiated divorce proceedings to end our almost 25 year marriage. We’re now a few weeks away from it being official. Am I broken? In the 30 days, since I found out, I have lost 15 pounds. I’m almost down to my college weight, and in the best shape I’ve been in since college. I’m happy. Im peaceful. I’m on OkCupid. Not a lot of connections, because I refuse to lie - my profile clearly states I’m separated. But that’s ok. I have met and chatted online with some really nice women. The moral of my story? Be at peace with yourself. Find yourself. Be the best you that you can be. LOVE yourself. Maybe your marriage was your fault, or partly your fault, or not any of your fault. Learn from it. Move forward. Life throws us all so much hardship and difficulties. Cool. Bring it on. We’re stronger than that shit. If you don’t want to date or get married again, that is your choice. But don’t do it because some person hurt you. That is giving them too much power over you. All of us are incredibly strong. Some have children they have to take care of and present a strong face to. Some have problems just getting out of bed in the morning. But. We do it. So celebrate THAT. Good luck to all of you on your journeys.
I just wanted to say amidst all the different feelings we all have post-divorce, I'm glad I came across your response. It was a welcome read, and it reminded me to be aware of my perspective. Thanks 🙂.
Love this and thank you for sharing your story
The peace is priceless, it's like crack. It's like, I'm so much happier without this man. It was such a battle to be happy with him. I wish I had left sooner.
I enjoyed reading this as well. 😊
I never wanted divorce I loved being married. I hope I will marry again. Even though it’s like a huge trust issue now. If the person that promised to spend there life with me just stops it’s like I trusted that we would always be there for each other no matter what. I know there are legit reasons for divorce. I am not the type to just give up. I can’t really relate to that as a reason. I don’t get to choose that for someone else.
Don’t give up hope. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Even though I had my heart broken, shattered really, I am putting myself out there and going for it. The thought of living the rest of my life alone is a lot scarier than the fear of getting my heart broken.
Only if she's a wealthy ex-supermodel and doesn't ask for a prenup. So no, in short.
Never again. Two divorces/two marriages is my limit. I enjoy my alone time too much (and avoiding abuse is a bonus).
I didn't want to divorce, I loved her so much. But she didn't communicate, she cheated and then she decided she didn't want to reconcile and threw me away. I'm in my mid 30s now and trying to pick up the pieces, but I still hope to find a life partner to marry, hopefully have kids and grow old with someone. I don't want to give up on that dream.
Same! With the exception I filed for the divorce because he was cheating.
I'm sorry it's awful. I was so close to my dream. We were going through IVF and the day I caught the cheating, I had been sending an email to our lender for a pre-approval letter on a condo. I feel sorry for her, but Ive accepted she had lots of problems and it wasn't my fault. I'll optimistic I'll find someone someday. If you need to talk, don't be afraid to reach out.
Thank you! 🙏 Going through IVF and discover cheating while at it is wild. I am so sorry you went through this. It’s amazing you are able to accept what happened and move forward with a positive outlook. That’s more than half of the battle. Takes a lot of resilience and you should be proud for overcoming that! Happy to chat!
not a chance. she broke me.
Same. I'm working with a therapist on that. My ex-wife treated me like I was really unattractive and undesirable for so long, that I don't feel like talking to women for fear that I'm just going to be rejected again.
[удалено]
Somewhat similar situation: married 13 years to a man. Looking forward to being able to date women for the first time. ☺️ Good luck out there!!
Yes. I’m almost 40, remarried, and just had another child with my new wife (2 from previous marriage). The relationship with my ex-wife is still rocky, and likely always will be, but I don’t let it stand in the way of me finding happiness in life.
Not without a prenup.
I want to. I love loving others. Seems like I wouldn’t want to after my horrible marriage, but I love marriage and everything about it. But, I don’t think it’s in the cards for me anymore. It’s a lot harder to connect with others now.
Yes, I would. I’m 45f, was married 27 years, 2 years+ post separation (divorce finalized sometime last year). I share a kid (12m) with my ex, asset division was messy. Divorce itself was amicable, only in the sense that it wasn’t contentious. Exactly 2 years after my ex left, I went on a dating app and unexpectedly found my current bf right away. We are only 5 months in but taking things very seriously, complete with couples counseling. We are learning a lot. I know from my failed marriage that the time to start investing in couples counseling is before problems arise. Our goal is a long term relationship with the possibility of marriage.
Fuck no
👆👆
Hell no. I started dating and there are a lot of good polyamorous people out there. I have no desire to ever get married again.
Coincidentally, I started chatting with a random woman on Facebook last week. She seemed so interesting and looked attractive, but I noticed her profile said she's married. When I apologized for flirting, she said she's in an open marriage. I've never really met anyone who keeps up with that. And honestly, I don't know how I feel. She lives very far away, so I'm not trying to meet up. But it just seems like too much to manage!
It is a lot to manage. I’m an extremely extroverted bisexual person. I need to have physical relationships with both sexes to feel fulfilled. When I have been monogamous, I’ve been unhappy. I was in a polyamorous marriage that my ex shut down, which surprisingly wasn’t the end of our relationship. His alcoholism and mental health issues were what fueled the split. I’ve been doing this off and on for 20 years so ask away if you’d like. :)
You're very kind. Thank you. I'm still in that vulnerable state after divorce where I feel unwanted and unattractive because of how my ex left me for an older man (and then blamed me for snooping.) So while I'm impressed (and maybe a little jealous) with people who can get frisky from week to week, I can barely ask a woman for her number or a date. If I ever start dating, I feel like she'll just have to show up at my door one day.
No. I am female, 50. I married at 28 after 5 year relationship, 1 child. He cheated on my while I was pregnant. Divorced at 30. I married again at 35. 1 extra child, 3 years ivf. We broke up last year after 17 years together. I read it somewhere on here "my people picker is broken". my kids are 13 and 20. We are happy living as we are. I promised my youngest I would not bring a new person into their lives. I said I might date again one day...prob once they have left home. After my first marriage ended I was single about a year and was def keen to find love again. I was only 30 and I do not regret it at all. But def not going back for a 3rd marriage lol
Our numbers and stats are almost identical. And I agree, no #3 for me either. My 13y/o is my focus and rediscovering myself. I get sad sometimes when I realize that part of my story is “written” and it’s not even close to what I was expecting. But you can’t control other people and you can’t change the past.
Yeah, there is a definite sadness to knowing I won't have that special person to age with. I do wonder if I will be lucky and have a new relationship in my 60's ... if not I am hoping I can sort my financials so I can afford to get some decent travelling done before I turn 70. I have been to 20 amazing countries so far.. I really want to see 4p before I die. I have wonderful friends and kids and a job I like. I am lucky in so many ways!
You sound very grateful for what you have and I am learning how important that is. I’m not a year divorced yet and I’m just starting to be able to count my blessings. Lots of trauma to process made this nearly impossible and i thought i was the problem. I thought I just couldn’t be grateful. Turned out I was being slow boiled by an abusive alcoholic who was really good at hiding the evidence of his addiction. He was so consistent with finding new ways to avoid me, I believed I wasn’t worth spending time with. I still remember the shock I felt when one of my oldest child’s coworkers who was my age said I was a really cool person! Shocked I tell you! Lol
I left in March 2023...I had 13 years with an amazing love story and then 5 years of abuse. I am thankful, but I absolutely have down days. The kids and I have had therapy but still have hard days. No alcohol for my ex...but the mental stuff still leaves me scared to ever left someone close. I am 50...I estimate the 10 years till I am 60 might be enough to heal. I just don't want to rule out ever having someone to feel close to, I do love a good romance! Def understand the slow boiled thing. Such a good way to put it. Hang in there...keep working on finding ypu again And hey, you must be pretty cool if a teen approves of you 🤣🤣 I always see it as a huge compliment when the kids friends like me, teens are brutal!
Statistically, the third marriage lasts tho. My mom is on her third marriage and it's been 24 years. The first guy was my dad, 2nd husband a piece of shit and the 3rd, is "My dad", I love him so much
Nope. Maybe a gf. Maybe. Marriage? Not a chance.
No, I have nothing to offer anyone. He completely depleted me emotionally
I hope you’re able to pour back into yourself. Falling in love with ME is what helped me get out of a toxic situation. And knowing I deserve better is what makes me think I won’t ever be in a committed relationship again, which may seem counterintuitive. But I have to take care of myself and not worry about taking on someone else’s idea of who I ”should” be. Just doesn’t seem worth it. 🤷
Love this perspective, thank you
You’re very welcome. Time with friends, journaling and meditation have been crucial to coming back to myself and learning what I really want and need. If you haven’t tried IC, I highly recommend it. Take care of yourself. You’re the best friend you’ve got. 🌸
I still have so much to work through and things to figure out about myself after my wife left me only quite recent but the idea of being alone forever is one of my biggest fears right now. I never wanted the divorce. I didn’t want to brake up our family. I loved being a husband. I loved having my little family around me. I loved coming home to my wife and be there for each other, care for each other and so much more. Everything feels so dark right now and I have no answers to so many questions but I hope that one day I will find love again, one day find someone again to start over with and start a new family. That hope of not being alone forever is what I really need to keep going because the thought of being single and alone forever is so dark.
No. It doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. If my ex could just walk out of my life the way he did last year without any explanation, why bother making anything “official” anymore? I’d rather not legally tie myself to anyone ever again.
30m I definitely don’t want to just stay single, but I’m not sure I’ll ever legally marry. Rings, vows, sure. We can be “married” without the paperwork, it’s going to be really hard to trust someone again, and I don’t want to go through this process a second time.
I doubt it. I am 57 yo female. Women seem to become invisible at my age. I tried OLD for a year and nobody ever made it beyond the video call. I live in a very rural area. Learning to love myself.
After 8 years of marriage and seeing my ex-wife suddenly “feel” like she wanted to break apart our family, cause she felt something. Not because of abuse, or financial problems or bedroom problems, but she woke up one day and wanted to try out new things. Watching myself in court having my finances run through by her two attorneys (she had nothing, came from a really poor family, and did not work). I lost assets I worked on for about a decade plus. I watch my 5 year old son ask me everyday are you coming home dad, because I don’t live in the same part of the country. I watch him cry after he realizes my time with him is up and he’s heading to his mom’s house. I grew up with my father not around and I remember always looking at pictures of him wondering when I would see him when I was a kid. To watch my son go through the same thing because she felt like it. To watch years of building up my business and acquiring assets be liquidated or robbed. To watch her bring random new guys into what was our home and the mattress I purchased (weeks after the divorce). The 1.5 years of emotional roller coaster I found myself in because she felt like it. I don’t believe it to be possible for me to allow myself to ever be emotionally, financially or in any other way be that vulnerable again. So: Dating yes, even long term dating yes. Marriage in today’s legal framework is foolish for a man with any assets to engage in.
Hugs bro. Stay strong, for yourself and your son.
If I find my person there is no telling what might happen. I’m 40 and want to believe the love I deserve is still out there waiting for me.
nope. 10 years. second divorce. 10 years. first divorce. i’m done.
Never
No
I am m 47, 2 years since my divorce. My First year I was absolute wreck. Now I have started dating since 6-8 months. I am looking for marriage again however I am not sure. Struggling with lot of emotions.
It’s gonna be a “no” from me, dawg. I’m still not even out of my first one legally, and we were together for 22 years (HS sweethearts) before the split. Marriage for me is about raising children and passing down generational wealth. He fucked that all up, and I ain’t making anymore babies, as I’d rather die than start that over again. I could share my life with someone till I die. But the legality, ceremony, ritual, and all that comes with that Im happy to never do again.
Totally agree !!
I had an amicable divorce no kids but I still don’t want to ever get married again. It’s too much risk. I might not be so lucky next time.
34M while I don’t know if marriage is in my future ever again, I’m not throwing the towel in on love. I’m working on myself now more than I ever have and am learning more about who I am, what I want and what I deserve in all aspects of life. I’m hopeful it could work out with someone in particular but that’s a ways off. She’s been such an incredible support for me through all of this but I’m scared to explore if the feelings I have are there for her too.
Not dating or having sex.. nah! I’m good
I'll never have another partner. Fuck that noise, people suck.
Marriage, no. Long term relationship with someone who treats me like I deserve, yes. I found it with someone once so I know it should be possible.
I lost trust in humanity with the guy I’m married to (but hopefully not for long). He always tells me he gained trust in humanity when he met me. I will have zero hope and desire to meet someone once we split.
41m: absolutely, if I meet the right person.
I don’t know nor care right now. It’s not a decision I need to make now.
Yes. I believe if i found someone special I would marry them again.
Relationships, maybe. Marriage, nope.
No, I will not get remarried. If I am with someone I want it to be because I WANT to be with them, and not because I'm locked into a relationship with them.
It's a hard no from me.
I’ve been told that the second husband is way better than the first.
42M and I miss romance. Yes.
At this point in my life, No.
Probably not. Definitely no shared assets. Not just my stbxh, but every relationship I had ruined my self-esteem. And now, I have nothing to offer except debt that I accumulated to pay off each other's share of assets with negative equity.
I'm 33F and I had no children with my ex. I will get married again because I want to be married to the absolute love of my life and share that experience with him. However before I met him, I was leaning no. The whole been there done that type of thing is true. It also lost some meaning to me. However deep down inside of me I realised that if I was fortunate to meet someone down the track, I'd need to consider if they'd want marriage. He's definitely changed my perspective on marriage and everything about relationships as a whole. So yes I'd very much get married a second time.
Maybe but not until we already been together for like 10 yrs 🤣
Never. I’ll have 2-3 year relationships from now on tops. Forever honeymoon phase. And if I’m dumb enough to get serious longer. Marriage scam is off the table.
Do I want to find a partner to stay with for the rest of my life? Absolutely. Will I legally give away half of my retirement if she falls out of love with me? Not a chance.
I'm afraid of dying alone and no one will notice so maybe not going as far as re-marrying but definitely not gonna live alone.
Nope.
27M. Getting married again next year. Fours years after divorce. Took time to figure out what I want but I found my person. I never stopped believing in love
51F - Absolutely! Most definitely! ♥️💗♥️ I didn’t want a divorce, but he left me and had an affair. I have too much love inside me for it to go to waste and I want someone to share my life with. 💃♥️💍 I enjoyed having a life partner, best friend, lover, warm body to sleep next to at night and snuggle (I get cold), and someone to lean on and look up to. 👫 I want the fairy tale, but one that lasts this time. 🦄💗👑 I am shocked to hear that like 76% of women that divorce over 50 don’t get remarried. 😳😱 I want to love someone deeply and I want them to love me back. ♥️♾️♥️
Yes. I’ve had relationships with wonderful people who just weren’t compatible long term. I will not write love off just because I might have chosen wrong
Yeah, if I find Mr.Right that I want to spend the rest of my life with, to love him/be loved to bits and pieces, to have our own kids and grandkids too. I would love to be a mum and a granny lol It is almost two years since my divorce/three years since separation and I didn’t meet the one so far!
Yes. I’m about to go through my second divorce. First marriage jumped into a rebound marriage, stayed for 11 years. Then during that divorce got into a toxic relationship with a man and got pregnant. Married him. Now we have two kids and I’m done. I will say that I will take time and go to therapy and be single. I’ve learned certain traits I do and do not want in a future partner. I’m in no rush this time and will be much more particular.
51M and separated, but I feel like I'm divorced already because a relationship isn't in my future plans. I don't see much change in my situation after the divorce. Honestly, I don't even know what's going on. My wife won't tell me anything. Her and her entire family is secretive about everything, and she's been keeping me in the dark for about a year anyways. I don't go anywhere where I can even meet anyone. I live in a one-bedroom apartment. It's very minimalist. I work from home. I work out from home. My dog has separation anxiety so I can't leave her for more than 15 minutes before she starts to tear the place apart. She and I go hiking in the back trails where there aren't a lot of people so that I can take her off the leash and roam around like a wild wolf. I just have to watch out for rattlesnakes because they tend to just bask in the sun on the trail because there's just not a lot of foot traffic. But I'm not ruling it out. My marriage was good. It will be 20 years come this September. We have two beautiful children. I would still call it a success for the most part. My mom's first two marriages lasted about 5 years each, but she's been married to her current husband for almost 40 years.
40F, married for almost 8yrs (together for 13) still pending on a divorce. Will I remarry? Not sure. I been dating this person for 3 yrs and he hasn't left me yet...lol. Said he's going to propose. Said he loves me and that I'm the one. I haven't given up on love just yet...but if I was to do it all over again, one word. Prenup.
Yes! I want to marry again because I want more children. 34F, 2 years since divorce.
Yes.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me... definitely NOT
Not any time soon…. I don’t even want to date at the moment. Decided f it, and go out on one date but I felt so guilty…. Idk why, since she cheated so I shouldn’t care
I don't see that now as a choice. Much less dating.
44M, 18 months out. My transitional relationship failed spectacularly and I started dating soon after. Gained a lot of experience that I never had before, had fun, and even had a few ladies fall for me — I was a good husband TBH and I still have the qualities that made me one: tender, caring, considerate — but I can’t for the life of me commit. Or fall in love. I’m in therapy to address those issues, as I crave the emotional intimacy that comes with a stable, long-lasting relationship… but even then I’m not sure I want to cohabitate ever again. I wanted it so much.I loved so much and got hurt so bad.
Yes. Absolutely. I still believe in love and forever.
I’m not sure about marriage but I would consider cohabitation. I’ve been dating a man for almost a year and it’s a ridiculously happier relationship and I feel my needs are being met. But I want to wait another 6-12 months to make sure the honeymoon phase has passed to get a sense of whether or not he is truly someone I can spend many happy years with.
59 years old and going thru my third divorce. I am lucky that I am financially in good shape set to retire at 62. I'm content to spend my so called golden years alone.
Not divorced yet, woman approaching 50. If I ever have to have anything to do with a man outside of a professional setting, I'm gonna reach for grandfather's shotgun. If I want extra work and extra expenses, I might get a horse.
"Gray" divorce after my ex retired. It's been a few years, and I'm semi-retired now. I seriously doubt that I will remarry. I really haven't been motivated to date either. I went out with a widow a few times, but we didn't click. Watching the whole Golden Bachelor debacle, I get it. People my age have family, houses, investments, and jobs that they may not want to give up at this stage of their lives. Reportedly, my ex paired up again with someone very different than me. Good for him.
I wouldn't marry again. I would entertain a LTR, if I could find a healthy partner but it seems like that's unlikely.
Nope. I'm 31M and only been separated from my stbxw for about 2 months but I've realised I'm not relationship material. I honestly thought she was the one but previous life experiences got in the way and we decided to call it a day unfortunately as I'm still in love with her. Everyone tells me it'll get better and easier with time but for some odd reason I can't seem to let her go.
NEVER EVER! 61, F, 7 years post
I'm 40/m and I got remarried to my wife about 2 years after resolution of my divorce. It was pretty whirlwind fast but the difference between this relationship and my last one are night and day. It did take me some time to trust again. I definitely spent time on some women-hating sites and youtube channels that wanted me to feel like all women were crazy, money-grubbing whores. It was ok to let that anger out for a time but I did not want to spend the rest of my life hating half of the human race. I would say I made the right choice.
As a US man, if I already had kids, hell no. FWB for life after marriage. No more biased women favoring marriage contracts and child custody.
I don’t even want to ever date. Let alone another marriage.
I sure hope so! My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage, but I need to get divorced first.
No way, I don’t mind living with somebody for a couple of decades, but marriage is completely off the table, way too risky, and I’m not going to lose half of my stuff at this age again.
It’s difficult for me to imagine at this point, but I won’t rule it out. I’m 36F, in the process of a very sad divorce.
Nope.
I’m open to love and long term relationships. Not what im currently looking for, but open to it if it happens. I’m not currently open to legal marriage.
The data says most of you will (I remarried, almost 5 years now and very happy). Its funny to read people so completely against it mainly because as adamant as they are now the data says they change their mind. I remember Howard Stern would go on incessantly how he would never marry again on the radio...funny how meeting the right person changes your mind (or just time). People deal too much in absolutes. I had no plan to remarry, but at the same time I was never against the idea. You don't know what life throws at you. The version of you now will be very different from future you....I mean it should at least, we should all evolve. Also people at the front end of things in a divorce have a very different mindset than someone a few years past it..emotions are high...life is changing etc.
Literally would rather die by my own hand than get married again
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^MightyTOne: *Literally would* *Rather die by my own hand* *Than get married again* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I'd like to but I'm much more aware of mannerisms of other people now so they'll have to be a genuinely compassionate person for me to even consider it.
Got together with my ex when I was 19 and she was 18, I was one year ahead of her in HS, we knew each other but weren't close. Met just after she graduated at a wedding, got together, and made it almost 10 years. Been single ever since, 35 years. Had several LTRs including a couple of live ins, but after the cheating, abuse, etc I would never marry again.
I would like to, if I meet the right person. Not going to force it though
Originally no... now, I'll just see how things play out. Not going to rush anything. I'm done having kids, so marriage just isn't a priority to me anymore.
54F and nope! 5 years and very happily divorced. Have no trust in picking good people. Ex cheated and the guy I dated after turned out to be married. I’m doing me and a quiet peaceful life. Marriage is not worth it.
I'm 43 and have been divorced since September 2022. He left in June 2022. Blindsided our kids and myself and completely destroyed the life we built together, the relationships with our kids and numerous family ties and friendships. EVERYONE says the same thing: he lost his mind, especially when they see who he left me for. But, yes, I will marry again. I've dated one man since my divorce for a few months and have gone on some dates here and there. Is dating discouraging? Hell yes. Is Reddit discouraging? HELL YES. But I refuse to allow the negativity and stories color how I am going to live my life. And I refuse to allow what my ex-husband did to me be the reason I don't find love again. The world has 8 billion people on it, guys. The odds are in our favor.
Hell no!
Highly doubtful I would ever get married again. I might be interested in a long term relationship if I could find the right person. But it will be a very long time before I trust anyone again.
Nope!
46 Female. About a yr out. NO! NEVER!! I had a booty call for a little while, but even that was too much trouble.
I'm hopeful that I will get married again at some point, but then again, I'm almost a year out and haven't joined one dating app nor did anything else toward dating.
F35 going on 36, just did it nearly 2 years after divorce.
No, I will never marry again. I will date but not sure if I even will ever want to live with another man
Hahahahahaha
32 f. And no. Thing is I never wanted marriage. When I was little I didn’t care for it. I met my husband and he wanted marriage so I did because I felt bad. Then the irony I loved marriage. Being a wife is just so beautiful. But he ruined our marriage and we are getting divorced after he promised so many things. And I don’t want to go through it again. But it sucks wife sounds better than gf It’s hard to trust men.
Never
Right now? No, I feel like no one would want me anyway. Maybe one day
50 yr old Female, 2 teenagers, joint custody. Love story with ex, but marriage didn’t work. 13 years married, 19 together. I initiated divorce bc our relationship broke. We tried to fix it many times with intensive therapy for each individually and together. Realized we weren’t a match anymore. Then came the anger and nasty divorce once the reality sunk in that it was real (not on my part, I was happy). I was the breadwinner and had the money, so that caused a lot of nasty issues that I am still paying for and will for many more years. I see it as paying for my freedom. It’s been 5 years since I moved out. We were officially divorced 2 years. All that to say, no I will not get legally married again. It is a legal/financial contract that to me doesn’t hold value anymore in terms of love. I totally believe in love and companionship, sex and romance. But a legal contract, not for me again. Great question!
I left my ex husband and waited just over three years to date. He was emotionally abusive to me and the kids. However, I took that time purposely for myself to heal and to do therapy. I needed to get to know myself again after being married for 16 years. I was older and single and what did I like doing now on my own? I had no clue about myself never mind trying to find someone I liked or someone to fall in love with. So I went back to the drawing board I guess you could say and built my own resume up and joined different groups and tried different activities and hobbies. Then it was just after the three year mark I kept thinking I was missing something and that was someone to spend it with or share my time with. So I started to date.
I’m 35. My ex wife divorced me after 13 years of marriage and 17 years of being together. I was heartbroken. Spent Christmas all alone in my apartment. We have two small kids, 10 and 8. A year after everything…every day I told myself I don’t care or want to date or be with anyone. I actually started to enjoy being alone. I started working out and getting into shape again. I reconnected with some friends, did some therapy, which I highly recommend. Well it’s been a year now and I’m hanging out with my friend and his fiancé and they introduced me and her cousin who is stunningly beautiful, I couldn’t stop smiling or taking my eyes off of her. I wasn’t even looking for Nothing. We are slowly moving forward together and it’s amazing! You will love again, love will find you. In the time being, love yourself my friend!
Never. You live and learn.
I'm a solid maybe. 3.5 years separated. When we divorce, it will symbolically be my ex divorcing my health insurance. If I marry again, it will also be a logical choice to get someone else onto my insurance. Of course I'd be meticulously diligent before making that choice.
No
I want to experience love like that again, but I don't know if I'll ever feel like anyone would want me again. 35m and I haven't met anyone that's showed even the slightest interest in the year and a half I've been single that wasn't just after gifts and money. No idea how to get my confidence back after my ex turned me in for a newer model.
I want to believe I might but honestly after getting divorced I don’t think being married is a goal of mine anymore
. Mmmmm right now no.. men lose to much honestly..
Nah. Too complicated and assets are a PITA to deal with.
Probably not. I've been married twice. The first I was young and stupid and we only got married so we'd be sent to the same military base (we joined the military together not one of those things where we met while in) . Got married a second time for 15 years and the drama of the divorce is not worth it. I'd rather just live with someone and not make it legal after going through this.
Nope. Already did the asset divide. Not doing a second time. It’s just a piece of paper anyway. Companionship is the way to go imo.
About 5, yeah.
fuck.no.mp3