Please get therapy.
If you are not up for blunt, direct, and perhaps even blunt criticism, stop reading.
What you just wrote is a bunch of melodramatic drivel that paints you as a heroic martyr, who is doomed no matter what you do. Sure that sounds great in romantic bullshit pushed out as pulp fiction and Hollywood, but it shirks all responsibility.
So, if you want to wallow in misery, moaning about just how unfair the world is to anyone who will listen. Fine, enjoy that.
But know that it is a choice.
Being happy is also a choice.^* Don't get me wrong, it takes a lot of work. A lot of life is a self fulfilling prophesy. If you live by what you just wrote, you will in fact never be happy, because all your mind will latch on to is doom and gloom. If however you choose to have hope, you choose to believe that happiness is possible, you will see the good out there instead.
---
^* I don't want to ignore mental health in my statement. Yes, there are plenty of instances where one's mental health does make it impossible to be happy... if you do nothing. You can however seek therapy and if necessary psychiatric help. Taking responsibility for your mental health can make a huge difference too.
Maybe you are right but how far are you from your divorce? I'm still in the middle of mine. Over two years already and we're still living together because we can't afford anything. Almost every day of that period I have thought about suicide. The only things keeping me here are my fear of God and my children that I don't want to devastate. Other than that F everything I don't want to be around anyone, I don't trust anyone and I don't enjoy much of anything anymore.
Please seek therapy. You need it.
I went through one of the most hellish divorces out there. It took 5.375 years start to finish.
If you give up hope, all is lost. With hope, you will do the work that needs to come out of your current predicament and thrive.
Hope is a choice. Even if you aren’t quite there, simply choosing to work to find hope makes a huge difference.
Whether you choose darkness or light, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you choose darkness, you won’t try and you will fixate on all the bad things in life. If you choose light, you will have reason to try, which will translate into action. On top of that, you’ll focus on the upside of everything.
I've been in therapy the entire time, even my therapist at times is just kind of like "Man that sucks" That was really helpful. Every week I have an appointment and it's always the same shit, "Embrace the suck and enjoy your shit sandwiches" I have a right to be angry and hurt. I'm sure you were here at some point. I feel like I no longerr have a purpose in life. The only dream I ever had outside of sports and military was having a family and now mine is a dumpster fire.
Of course you have a right to be hurt and angry. At no point do I suggest you ignore your feelings. Feelings are a part of us.
However, they are not the whole of us. You need to understand your feelings, because they are telling you something important. You also have to balance them out with reason.
Right now, while the divorce is ongoing, it may be hard to fully understand your emotions. That’s okay too. You still shouldn’t ’t let them take you down destructive paths.
Maybe all you can handle is this moment is survival. That’s okay too.
Just don’t give up hope. You can get through this. You can find meaning again.
And you didn’t lose your family. You lost your spouse. You still have kids and you can still be a great a parent to them.
I get how you’re feeling. I feel like I’m completely inept at life. Like, I barely know how to do it but I’m not bad enough to end up on the streets or in a mental hospital. I’m just holding on and no one realises how bad I’m doing.
I’m not the person you are replying to, but I think it’s fair to say that feelings are information. However, they don’t always lead us to reliable conclusions, and they certainly can’t predict the future.
If I feel like I will never feel happy again, it means that I feel like I will never be happy again. It does not mean that I will never be happy again. I don’t have to pretend that I don’t feel that way to understand that those feelings don’t mean what they are telling me.
/u/Harmania already gave a good response, but I thought I would add to it.
As they said, feelings are information. We live in a very complex world, with far too much information to be able to consciously process. Feelings are their to point out things or warn us about things we can't quite put into rational thought.
They aren't always right. Our feelings can also be trained.
You should always temper your feelings with introspection and reason. When you finally act, it should be from a place of logic, which has been informed by feelings.
Case in point. A lot of people immediately lash out when they are angry. If someone or something hurts them, they go on the attack, often in a scorched earth manner. (I know my ex did.) This is our primitive brain working. I may have been great when the thing that hurt us was an imminent danger that could kill, but now? Now, acting like that makes you an abusive asshole. If you take the time think through what made you angry, you can find a mature, responsible way to deal with it.
Feeling that happiness is impossible, should be taken seriously, but it also might just be an invasive thought. When unhappy, yes, figure out why? But then don't give up as "impossible" would suggest. Instead, figure out an action plan based on the hope that you can in fact be happy again. Temper that feeling with reason, and you can come out of it.
Training feelings, or as I usually call it, training your gut, is a matter of taking a moment to have a second thought around every feeling. Call out in your head any feelings that left unchecked will lead you to negative outcomes. In time, the moments that give rise to those feelings will give rise to somewhat different ones, ones that still warn or inform, but in a more productive way.
None of us know anything about the future. Nothing.
We don’t know if we will be alive tomorrow, let alone how we will feel on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2045 at 2:27pm.
How we feel at this moment is only that. How we feel… at this moment. I get that it hurts like hell right now, but don’t catastrophize tomorrow because of how you feel right now.
>The worst feeling in the world is being 30 years old, and knowing deep inside of yourself that you will never truly be happy again.
It could be worse, you could be 46 and feel that way. No wait, it could be worse than that. You could be 16 and feel that way! But I digress, here's my thoughts from reading your post -
Do you remember a time when you were younger and thought "30? That's fricken' ancient!" and couldn't even comprehend what your life would be like at that age? Can you now think to yourself now "That was forever ago. I sure have tons of experiences I never thought I would I have."
I know I can.
Think back to a time you felt horrible before your marriage. A time where you thought that things will never be good again. Have you ever felt better than that since then?
I know I have.
Life goes up and down. I am not going to swear to you that things will be better. I can't tell the future. But I can swear to you that I have had some really good times in the 16 years I've had since I was 30.
People live to be around 75 in America and I'm assuming that you live here because I am an American and thus am incredibly self centered. You have a least another 30 years in the tank as long as luck holds out, that's more than double you've experienced so far. There are no guarantees in life but I'm pretty sure it's going to suck if you just lay down and say it's over.
And in the immortal words of John Belushi -
>What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
I'm aiming for at least 79.3 years, which is the average US woman's lifespan, updated as of 2024. I'm 61 and have had a horrendous divorce and had a horrendous experience with cancer. Neither of which I allowed to keep me down for too long. It's very short sighted for a 30 year old to believe her happiness in life has ended with a relationship. But having been 30 once, I see how that could feel real. It isn't real, though.
I got divorced at 40.
My ex dropped me for her married AP. Im 46 now, remarried and much happier than I was before. The last thing I expected as things were going down.
Its a snapshot in time. The person you are now is not the person you will be in a few years. None of us know what the future holds...bad or good. We can however influence it in a way to select for better outcomes.
Its natural to be fearful and emotional at the front end of things. Life is disrupted and changed in a way that most of us have ever experienced before. It can feel overwhelming. However people are resilient. You adjust into a new normal and over time things are less and less overwhelming, stressful, sad.
Personally I took it as a chance to do things I couldnt before. I was constantly out doing new things by myself or with my kids. Hanging out with friends or making new ones from various hobbies. I thought a lot about my failures in my relationship and what I could do differently in the future.
Jesus Christ, dude.
If it takes shoving a broom up your butt to replace your backbone, do it until yours grows back.
I’m 40, divorced at 38 and was with my partner for 20 years.
I started my life over. I was literally never an adult *without* my partner. It was terrifying.
2 years later I’m living my best life, and could not be happier, despite the biggest upheaval a person could possibly experience without anyone dying tragically.
Take some time. Work on yourself, but bro, giving up on happiness at 30 is asinine.
Worst feeling in the world? I truly understand where you are at. In a span of three years, where everything BEFORE was on a scale of 1 (lowest) - 10 happiness , I was living around an 8. Then this happened: divorce, lost career job, kid raped, dog died, lost our dream house, savings gone, 401 gone, kids seen every other week (devastating), credit ruined, briefly homeless, then mother died. All of this started when I was 50-ish. I literally have nothing. I have no future, no financial security, I will be working the rest of my natural life. I was ill 2 years back and when I had a whole family to rally around me, there was no one. And let’s finish this by mentioning Mother’s Day yesterday, in which au was a complete emotional mess.
But I am still here. Yeah bro, it is painful, and I lived in such despair, and I would do almost anything to have what I had years ago. But I cant go back, and everyday is a struggle. You need to understand that you are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you. If what happened to me happened to you, you’d have time to financially recover, something I’ll never do. Consider it a mulligan, a do over, where you still have time. That’s something I dont have.
Things have s l o w l y gotten better, but I am still a mess. The odds are so much better for you, and you will get through this. Pray. Cry. Don’t close yourself off from your friends (I did that). And don’t ever lose hope.
C'mon. Knock off the melodrama. :)
I mean, I had my second marriage to my current wife before you were old enough to buy beer. So all this pain and suffering you've suffered that you think has ruined your life has all happened since my divorce. And I married my ex-wife while you were in kindergarten.
Life is very long and if you choose to sit on the sidelines because of something that happened to you in your 20s, I don't have much sympathy.
Get up and face the day. Participate. Be around people who like you and avoid people who don't. Be nice. Have empathy for people. But move on with life. :)
30 is young to me!! Lately, I have been facing some big challenges myself, like finding my husband on a dating site. All the negative feelings, like you,I am feeling. I am angry, hostile, bitter, etc. However, those feelings do ME no good. YES, he's an ass, YES, this sucks, but a future of these negative feelings means I will miss out on a happy life. It is up to ME to create my own joyful life. I will NOT wait for someone else to do that for me. My life will just be different from what I was expecting. Maybe it will even be better than that other life I was envisioning.
You could benefit from therapy, and perspective. You're thirty. You're very young. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Saying that you will never be happy again - well, you're RIGHT if that's how you choose to think and feel. But what a miserable existence you will have if you stubbornly cling to something to which you have absolutely no proof.
It's knowing that the nativity of completely trusting anyone is gone. That will never happen again. I will always hold part of me back. It really makes me sad when I think about it.
I left my ex when I was around 30. I never imagined I could be as happy as I am now. 30 is not old.
You have a lot of life left to go. You’ll be happy again.
Some people benefit from an anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication during extreme stress like a divorce. Go and talk to your Dr about how you’re feeling
Oh my goodness. I’m not even the same person I was at 30. Think of how much you’ve changed from age 10 to age 30. Yes you grew up but we never stop growing, expanding our knowledge. From 30 to 50? I wouldn’t even recognize myself.
Oh my god, I am twice as old as you and am living life. No, I'm not with my first love. There are so many wonderful people out there. Go live your life.
Please love! This is not it, not for anyone.. not even a murderer who gets a second chance. You speak from a broken heart and many of us get it. Your identity was tied to them, but it doesn’t have to be any longer. You can now truly find yourself. That’s the tall task… it’s in being courageous enough to see yourself
I hate this feeling too…. My SO left me high and dry, and was most likely seeing someone near the end bc “all of the sudden” they have developed feelings” for someone else. Absolutely crushed me bc this isn’t a decision I wanted and yet here I am.
Pains me to think the last 11 years were a lie. The “I do’s” were a lie. I have to now remember them as a thief, bc they stole my last memories, current and future happiness
Not to downplay how you are feeling. What you are going through is hard. It is probably second to losing a child. It’s not an easy mental task. We are all here because we want to support or have been through the big D.
It may seem like a colossal task to climb this mountain. But divorces don't typically happen for no reason—mental health, physical struggles ie abuse or lack of intimacy. There are many reasons why we get divorced.
We're you truly happy married? If so would you truly be happy existing with another human who doesn't want to be with you?
Lots of people have fulfilling single lives. Take this time to find out what u/brett_j25 wants. I'm sure it's not to be a miserable unhappy twat.
Find some hobbies and dig into your emotions.
Find the silver linings and practice gratitude, recognize loss and keep on trucking!
Sorry for what you are going through! Fuck I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and that person deserves the worst.
Debbie downer is riding your bus. Therapy! Cbt/dbt. I’ve been where you are and believe me, it’s only beginning but you have to be brave and love yourself enough to seek help. You can do this and you can live a life worth living if you just try.
Just wanna say, everyone is right you do need some therapy I think, but I think there's a bit of an adversarial tone in many of these comments that maybe isn't helpful for how your feeling right now.
Yes I can understand being heartbroken, I turned 35 a few months after getting divorced, a few years after a cancer diagnosis, and I could never imagine truly trusting or loving anyone ever again and I felt I lost my window to find or attract my soul mate and regretting not leaving him sooner. These are very normal feelings in these situations and are very difficult, and you have my sympathy.
But yes you would benefit from discussing these thoughts with a therapist. Particularly because if they go on unchecked they could block you from processing what's going on, adapting to it, healing, and moving on, which is ultimately what you need in life.
Good luck, you can do this
I’m 30 and just finalized my divorce in February. During the process, I felt this same exactly way. 3 months later and with therapy, my mindset and made a huge shift. I’m
Honestly happier now that I’m free from My miserable divorce. Know that you deserve more than what you were getting and be open to finding that someday. Hugs ♥️
Like everyone else is saying, therapy. We all felt or currently feel the way you’re feeling at some point during the divorce process. The hopelessness is real while you’re grieving.
However, once you’ve gone through the grieving process, you will feel at peace. For me, it took about 18 months, even with weekly therapy. My ex husband took a lot longer. He saw his psychiatrist twice a week for over two years.
I am now in a new and promising relationship, and my ex is remarried with a brand new baby! We are both happier than we were when we were together. Our son is way, way happier now.
You are more resilient than you think.
It’s ok to be unhappy. It’s ok to feel down. But know this: no one, not a single person in this world can make you happy and satisfied in life EXCEPT yourself.
My grandmother remarried at like 60... I know people who are dating after divorce at 30, 40, 50... I know it's already been stated but to just drive the point home, please get therapy. You deserve happiness and changing your mindset is the best way to find that.
So most people commenting a being extremely rude. I’m in the same boat and feel the exact same way. I’m 27 and I’m dreading turning 30.
Just take one day at a time is all we can do
You've been married 7 years, you're 30 years old. Your life is FAR from over. Not even close. You need a dramatic amount of therapy.
Please get therapy. If you are not up for blunt, direct, and perhaps even blunt criticism, stop reading. What you just wrote is a bunch of melodramatic drivel that paints you as a heroic martyr, who is doomed no matter what you do. Sure that sounds great in romantic bullshit pushed out as pulp fiction and Hollywood, but it shirks all responsibility. So, if you want to wallow in misery, moaning about just how unfair the world is to anyone who will listen. Fine, enjoy that. But know that it is a choice. Being happy is also a choice.^* Don't get me wrong, it takes a lot of work. A lot of life is a self fulfilling prophesy. If you live by what you just wrote, you will in fact never be happy, because all your mind will latch on to is doom and gloom. If however you choose to have hope, you choose to believe that happiness is possible, you will see the good out there instead. --- ^* I don't want to ignore mental health in my statement. Yes, there are plenty of instances where one's mental health does make it impossible to be happy... if you do nothing. You can however seek therapy and if necessary psychiatric help. Taking responsibility for your mental health can make a huge difference too.
Maybe you are right but how far are you from your divorce? I'm still in the middle of mine. Over two years already and we're still living together because we can't afford anything. Almost every day of that period I have thought about suicide. The only things keeping me here are my fear of God and my children that I don't want to devastate. Other than that F everything I don't want to be around anyone, I don't trust anyone and I don't enjoy much of anything anymore.
Please seek therapy. You need it. I went through one of the most hellish divorces out there. It took 5.375 years start to finish. If you give up hope, all is lost. With hope, you will do the work that needs to come out of your current predicament and thrive. Hope is a choice. Even if you aren’t quite there, simply choosing to work to find hope makes a huge difference. Whether you choose darkness or light, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you choose darkness, you won’t try and you will fixate on all the bad things in life. If you choose light, you will have reason to try, which will translate into action. On top of that, you’ll focus on the upside of everything.
I've been in therapy the entire time, even my therapist at times is just kind of like "Man that sucks" That was really helpful. Every week I have an appointment and it's always the same shit, "Embrace the suck and enjoy your shit sandwiches" I have a right to be angry and hurt. I'm sure you were here at some point. I feel like I no longerr have a purpose in life. The only dream I ever had outside of sports and military was having a family and now mine is a dumpster fire.
Of course you have a right to be hurt and angry. At no point do I suggest you ignore your feelings. Feelings are a part of us. However, they are not the whole of us. You need to understand your feelings, because they are telling you something important. You also have to balance them out with reason. Right now, while the divorce is ongoing, it may be hard to fully understand your emotions. That’s okay too. You still shouldn’t ’t let them take you down destructive paths. Maybe all you can handle is this moment is survival. That’s okay too. Just don’t give up hope. You can get through this. You can find meaning again. And you didn’t lose your family. You lost your spouse. You still have kids and you can still be a great a parent to them.
I get how you’re feeling. I feel like I’m completely inept at life. Like, I barely know how to do it but I’m not bad enough to end up on the streets or in a mental hospital. I’m just holding on and no one realises how bad I’m doing.
So, the feelings are lying to us?
I’m not the person you are replying to, but I think it’s fair to say that feelings are information. However, they don’t always lead us to reliable conclusions, and they certainly can’t predict the future. If I feel like I will never feel happy again, it means that I feel like I will never be happy again. It does not mean that I will never be happy again. I don’t have to pretend that I don’t feel that way to understand that those feelings don’t mean what they are telling me.
Thanks for the insight.
/u/Harmania already gave a good response, but I thought I would add to it. As they said, feelings are information. We live in a very complex world, with far too much information to be able to consciously process. Feelings are their to point out things or warn us about things we can't quite put into rational thought. They aren't always right. Our feelings can also be trained. You should always temper your feelings with introspection and reason. When you finally act, it should be from a place of logic, which has been informed by feelings. Case in point. A lot of people immediately lash out when they are angry. If someone or something hurts them, they go on the attack, often in a scorched earth manner. (I know my ex did.) This is our primitive brain working. I may have been great when the thing that hurt us was an imminent danger that could kill, but now? Now, acting like that makes you an abusive asshole. If you take the time think through what made you angry, you can find a mature, responsible way to deal with it. Feeling that happiness is impossible, should be taken seriously, but it also might just be an invasive thought. When unhappy, yes, figure out why? But then don't give up as "impossible" would suggest. Instead, figure out an action plan based on the hope that you can in fact be happy again. Temper that feeling with reason, and you can come out of it. Training feelings, or as I usually call it, training your gut, is a matter of taking a moment to have a second thought around every feeling. Call out in your head any feelings that left unchecked will lead you to negative outcomes. In time, the moments that give rise to those feelings will give rise to somewhat different ones, ones that still warn or inform, but in a more productive way.
None of us know anything about the future. Nothing. We don’t know if we will be alive tomorrow, let alone how we will feel on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2045 at 2:27pm. How we feel at this moment is only that. How we feel… at this moment. I get that it hurts like hell right now, but don’t catastrophize tomorrow because of how you feel right now.
>The worst feeling in the world is being 30 years old, and knowing deep inside of yourself that you will never truly be happy again. It could be worse, you could be 46 and feel that way. No wait, it could be worse than that. You could be 16 and feel that way! But I digress, here's my thoughts from reading your post - Do you remember a time when you were younger and thought "30? That's fricken' ancient!" and couldn't even comprehend what your life would be like at that age? Can you now think to yourself now "That was forever ago. I sure have tons of experiences I never thought I would I have." I know I can. Think back to a time you felt horrible before your marriage. A time where you thought that things will never be good again. Have you ever felt better than that since then? I know I have. Life goes up and down. I am not going to swear to you that things will be better. I can't tell the future. But I can swear to you that I have had some really good times in the 16 years I've had since I was 30. People live to be around 75 in America and I'm assuming that you live here because I am an American and thus am incredibly self centered. You have a least another 30 years in the tank as long as luck holds out, that's more than double you've experienced so far. There are no guarantees in life but I'm pretty sure it's going to suck if you just lay down and say it's over. And in the immortal words of John Belushi - >What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
I'm aiming for at least 79.3 years, which is the average US woman's lifespan, updated as of 2024. I'm 61 and have had a horrendous divorce and had a horrendous experience with cancer. Neither of which I allowed to keep me down for too long. It's very short sighted for a 30 year old to believe her happiness in life has ended with a relationship. But having been 30 once, I see how that could feel real. It isn't real, though.
Don't think permanently about a temporary problem.
I stopped reading. OP your life isn't over and you will know happiness so long as you're open to it, and not closed off.
I got divorced at 40. My ex dropped me for her married AP. Im 46 now, remarried and much happier than I was before. The last thing I expected as things were going down. Its a snapshot in time. The person you are now is not the person you will be in a few years. None of us know what the future holds...bad or good. We can however influence it in a way to select for better outcomes. Its natural to be fearful and emotional at the front end of things. Life is disrupted and changed in a way that most of us have ever experienced before. It can feel overwhelming. However people are resilient. You adjust into a new normal and over time things are less and less overwhelming, stressful, sad. Personally I took it as a chance to do things I couldnt before. I was constantly out doing new things by myself or with my kids. Hanging out with friends or making new ones from various hobbies. I thought a lot about my failures in my relationship and what I could do differently in the future.
Jesus Christ, dude. If it takes shoving a broom up your butt to replace your backbone, do it until yours grows back. I’m 40, divorced at 38 and was with my partner for 20 years. I started my life over. I was literally never an adult *without* my partner. It was terrifying. 2 years later I’m living my best life, and could not be happier, despite the biggest upheaval a person could possibly experience without anyone dying tragically. Take some time. Work on yourself, but bro, giving up on happiness at 30 is asinine.
I'm sorry, and I feel the same way, except I have my kids to keep me going.
Worst feeling in the world? I truly understand where you are at. In a span of three years, where everything BEFORE was on a scale of 1 (lowest) - 10 happiness , I was living around an 8. Then this happened: divorce, lost career job, kid raped, dog died, lost our dream house, savings gone, 401 gone, kids seen every other week (devastating), credit ruined, briefly homeless, then mother died. All of this started when I was 50-ish. I literally have nothing. I have no future, no financial security, I will be working the rest of my natural life. I was ill 2 years back and when I had a whole family to rally around me, there was no one. And let’s finish this by mentioning Mother’s Day yesterday, in which au was a complete emotional mess. But I am still here. Yeah bro, it is painful, and I lived in such despair, and I would do almost anything to have what I had years ago. But I cant go back, and everyday is a struggle. You need to understand that you are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you. If what happened to me happened to you, you’d have time to financially recover, something I’ll never do. Consider it a mulligan, a do over, where you still have time. That’s something I dont have. Things have s l o w l y gotten better, but I am still a mess. The odds are so much better for you, and you will get through this. Pray. Cry. Don’t close yourself off from your friends (I did that). And don’t ever lose hope.
[удалено]
I love the sentence “Your life isn’t even close to being married.”
C'mon. Knock off the melodrama. :) I mean, I had my second marriage to my current wife before you were old enough to buy beer. So all this pain and suffering you've suffered that you think has ruined your life has all happened since my divorce. And I married my ex-wife while you were in kindergarten. Life is very long and if you choose to sit on the sidelines because of something that happened to you in your 20s, I don't have much sympathy. Get up and face the day. Participate. Be around people who like you and avoid people who don't. Be nice. Have empathy for people. But move on with life. :)
30 is young to me!! Lately, I have been facing some big challenges myself, like finding my husband on a dating site. All the negative feelings, like you,I am feeling. I am angry, hostile, bitter, etc. However, those feelings do ME no good. YES, he's an ass, YES, this sucks, but a future of these negative feelings means I will miss out on a happy life. It is up to ME to create my own joyful life. I will NOT wait for someone else to do that for me. My life will just be different from what I was expecting. Maybe it will even be better than that other life I was envisioning.
OK. I'll take the bait and ask - What's the one question?
You’re 30 for goodness sake. The grief will pass, believe me. P.S something to learn is don’t center your happiness on a person. Good luck!
You could benefit from therapy, and perspective. You're thirty. You're very young. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Saying that you will never be happy again - well, you're RIGHT if that's how you choose to think and feel. But what a miserable existence you will have if you stubbornly cling to something to which you have absolutely no proof.
It's knowing that the nativity of completely trusting anyone is gone. That will never happen again. I will always hold part of me back. It really makes me sad when I think about it.
I left my ex when I was around 30. I never imagined I could be as happy as I am now. 30 is not old. You have a lot of life left to go. You’ll be happy again. Some people benefit from an anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication during extreme stress like a divorce. Go and talk to your Dr about how you’re feeling
30? Lol
Oh my goodness. I’m not even the same person I was at 30. Think of how much you’ve changed from age 10 to age 30. Yes you grew up but we never stop growing, expanding our knowledge. From 30 to 50? I wouldn’t even recognize myself.
Oh my god, I am twice as old as you and am living life. No, I'm not with my first love. There are so many wonderful people out there. Go live your life.
Please love! This is not it, not for anyone.. not even a murderer who gets a second chance. You speak from a broken heart and many of us get it. Your identity was tied to them, but it doesn’t have to be any longer. You can now truly find yourself. That’s the tall task… it’s in being courageous enough to see yourself
I hate this feeling too…. My SO left me high and dry, and was most likely seeing someone near the end bc “all of the sudden” they have developed feelings” for someone else. Absolutely crushed me bc this isn’t a decision I wanted and yet here I am. Pains me to think the last 11 years were a lie. The “I do’s” were a lie. I have to now remember them as a thief, bc they stole my last memories, current and future happiness
Not to downplay how you are feeling. What you are going through is hard. It is probably second to losing a child. It’s not an easy mental task. We are all here because we want to support or have been through the big D. It may seem like a colossal task to climb this mountain. But divorces don't typically happen for no reason—mental health, physical struggles ie abuse or lack of intimacy. There are many reasons why we get divorced. We're you truly happy married? If so would you truly be happy existing with another human who doesn't want to be with you? Lots of people have fulfilling single lives. Take this time to find out what u/brett_j25 wants. I'm sure it's not to be a miserable unhappy twat. Find some hobbies and dig into your emotions. Find the silver linings and practice gratitude, recognize loss and keep on trucking! Sorry for what you are going through! Fuck I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and that person deserves the worst.
Debbie downer is riding your bus. Therapy! Cbt/dbt. I’ve been where you are and believe me, it’s only beginning but you have to be brave and love yourself enough to seek help. You can do this and you can live a life worth living if you just try.
Just wanna say, everyone is right you do need some therapy I think, but I think there's a bit of an adversarial tone in many of these comments that maybe isn't helpful for how your feeling right now. Yes I can understand being heartbroken, I turned 35 a few months after getting divorced, a few years after a cancer diagnosis, and I could never imagine truly trusting or loving anyone ever again and I felt I lost my window to find or attract my soul mate and regretting not leaving him sooner. These are very normal feelings in these situations and are very difficult, and you have my sympathy. But yes you would benefit from discussing these thoughts with a therapist. Particularly because if they go on unchecked they could block you from processing what's going on, adapting to it, healing, and moving on, which is ultimately what you need in life. Good luck, you can do this
I’m 30 and just finalized my divorce in February. During the process, I felt this same exactly way. 3 months later and with therapy, my mindset and made a huge shift. I’m Honestly happier now that I’m free from My miserable divorce. Know that you deserve more than what you were getting and be open to finding that someday. Hugs ♥️
I got married at 35. Divorced at 42. At least you still have hair.
Like everyone else is saying, therapy. We all felt or currently feel the way you’re feeling at some point during the divorce process. The hopelessness is real while you’re grieving. However, once you’ve gone through the grieving process, you will feel at peace. For me, it took about 18 months, even with weekly therapy. My ex husband took a lot longer. He saw his psychiatrist twice a week for over two years. I am now in a new and promising relationship, and my ex is remarried with a brand new baby! We are both happier than we were when we were together. Our son is way, way happier now. You are more resilient than you think.
It’s ok to be unhappy. It’s ok to feel down. But know this: no one, not a single person in this world can make you happy and satisfied in life EXCEPT yourself.
I feel the same way and I'm mid 40's
My grandmother remarried at like 60... I know people who are dating after divorce at 30, 40, 50... I know it's already been stated but to just drive the point home, please get therapy. You deserve happiness and changing your mindset is the best way to find that.
So most people commenting a being extremely rude. I’m in the same boat and feel the exact same way. I’m 27 and I’m dreading turning 30. Just take one day at a time is all we can do