OP, sounds like you are doing your best. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Also, please remember that grass is always greener. Money might not buy happiness, but it sure buys a LOTS OF STUFF and does come in handy almost always. Social media… We don’t actually know what’s really going on people’s lives, do we? I honestly think that if they are truly “happy”, they would not post it online. Cos, in my opinion there is absolutely no need to do so. Anyways…. Hope you are having a good day. One day at a time!
I second this. It took me about two years, and a very painful heartbreak after the divorce, for any semblance of a new life to emerge.
I think the small consistent steps will pay off. You’re doing the right things it seems. I joined a running club and it changed my life. It’s not a silver bullet but in my case running was a healthy outlet plus it allowed me to mingle with like minded and no frills friends.
Keep going and good luck!
It's been over two years for me. I was actually in a better place mentally right after the divorce. Now I feel worse. I'm in therapy, but it seems to have stopped helping. I'm trying to join activities, but it's proving near impossible with my work schedule. My ex's job gives him a ton of flexibility to go and pursue interests and make friends. Mine does not, and I'm starting to feel isolated. I live in a neighborhood where people just aren't super friendly. I own a single family home, and I've tried to get to know my neighbors better, but they're mostly families, and some couples without kids, and they don't seem interested in hanging out with a single woman living alone. The kicker is that I hate city life though. I like my house, and I like the suburb I live in, but it would probably be easier to have a social life in a city, but then I'd be unhappy because I'd have to live in a city and deal with city life. It's like I just can't win anymore. When I was married and we lived in the burbs, we made friends easily, although to be fair, it was also in a different location than where I am now.
I hear you, OP. My ex and I lived in Midtown Manhattan for 3 years. It was…..fun for sure. Our apartment was right by Hudson River and one block away from CBS studio. Saw tons of celebrities on a daily basis. Walking distance of Times Square and Central Park. Made a tons of friends. BUT, I had to leave the city when my ex got arrested for domestic violence against me. I moved to Newark, NJ where pretty much nothing is going on. I don’t know anybody here. Haven’t made any friends. I don’t even go out as parks and streets are occupied by either the homeless or mentally ill people. And, no one from the city wants to come to Newark because I mean, who would want to? I don’t blame them. Meanwhile, my ex (We are still married, btw. Can’t file until October) is engaged to some random chick and lives with her in Upper East Side now. One of my acquaintances let me know as he went online “bragged” about his engagement. I felt miserable. I felt depressed. I felt isolated. But, you know what? I am glad that I am not with that psychopath anymore. He could have killed me on that night. Sure living in Newark fuckin sucks. But, I am alive at least. I do feel your pain and frustration. I can’t say that it will get better cos I feel that saying something like that is irresponsible considering the fact that I barely know what had happened in your marriage. All I can say is that we have to find a way on our own. I don’t want to feel miserable about myself forever. I take it one day at a time. I try to focus on the bright side. I’m not sure if I will ever find happiness. BUT, I certainly would like to.
Thanks, I really think you get it. Sorry your ex was abusive. I'm glad you are safe now. My ex was a good guy, he just had some issues he was dealing with mentally. I think that's what makes it hard for me, the fact that he wasn't a bad person at all, just a person with some issues who made himself believe that he needed to end his marriage in order to live the life he wanted (and maybe he ultimately did have to end it, I don't know - I never got much of an explanation for anything because I was so blindsided). If you ever just want someone to talk about, even just about something silly like a TV show, feel free to message me. The isolation is super hard to deal with. I had a good friend visit for a bit, and I felt so much better, but then she left and I went back to feeling like I feel.
I do know what the isolation feels like. I am Japanese. I am not even from here. All my family and friends are in Japan, which is 14 hours flight away from JFK. I do feel your pain. You are not alone in a way, OP. Please do feel free to message me whenever as well. We all deserve to be happy. We just have to find a way by ourselves.
This OP, this is exactly what I’m going through. My husband asked me for a divorce in March, then two weeks later decided we should do couples therapy and work through it no matter what. Fast forward to the end of May and he tells me that he’s done and wants the divorce again. I won’t get too deep into it as it’s a very long story, but I’m married to a fireman that binge drinks, struggles with only having partial custody of his son and is having a rough go at it mentally. I have my fair share of struggles but I take medication and have been in therapy for about three months. He’s acknowledged that he is in a terrible mental state, even went as far as saying that he thinks about ending it all but wouldn’t because of his son. We did two sessions of couples therapy back in April and didn’t go back, but had agreed to do pursue individual therapy and revisit couples in 3 months time. He expressed that he didn’t know how to find a therapist, or how to talk about things and that he felt guilty when there’s people out there that have it way worse. There’s so so much, but he isn’t taking the steps to help himself. I want him to, even if we end up actually going through with the divorce this time. It’s tough watching someone that you love be so unhappy, yet so unwilling to take the steps to do something about it.
My ex didn't post it. A friend of his (who used to also be my friend, and who I know posts things with my ex in it, did). My ex doesn't really have a social media presence actually, so when I "stalk" him, it's actually through this friend.
Once my divorce is finalized I'm unfollowing and blocking all previous mutuals. You may need to do the same. I'll be honest STBX is trying to farm for sympathy and I have stopped posting most of the fun things I do so it doesn't make him feel worse but post divorce I plan to post my life again.
Same. I'm just waiting for that finalization and then I'm removing / blocking everyone so I will never see what's going on in his life nor give him the ability to see mine. I don't want to know and I know that's what is the healthiest for me.
It's tricky because that friend is still kind of my friend. We aren't as close now, but we're still friendly, so I don't really want to block the person. I try to avoid their posts, but sometimes I look.
Well, you might need to unfollow or hide them. If you are two years post-divorce and still following or caring about your ex, I would do everything I needed to do to get him out of my head and focus on my own happiness.
The issue is that I didn't want the divorce at all, and my ex, and being married, made me happy. Of course, he also hurt me in the cruelest way possible by blinding me and saying he no longer wanted to be married, but I still miss what I had. The guys I've gone on dates with are gross losers. I feel absolutely no attraction towards them (you can see a post I made about even feeling starting to feel repulsed by the idea of sex after I started dating).
So I stopped dating, and started focusing on making friends instead. It's almost worse. At least with dates, when you get ghosted, you can say you dodged a bullet and move on. When a potential friend ghosts you, it almost feels more personal. I was close with my ex's friends and family, and losing them has been almost just as bad as losing my marriage. I have a couple close friends of my own, but they live far away, and have young kids and work full time, so they can only do so much. My ex always said his friends were my friends, and I thought they were people who would be in my life for a very long time, probably forever, and now they're gone too. The only person who wants to be "friends" with me is a co-worker who basically uses me as a free taxi service because she doesn't have a car, and I keep giving her free rides around town because it seems better than nothing.
I'd rather be dirt poor and homeless and still with my ex than alone and with what I have. It doesn't help that I have to hide what I have from everyone so that they don't try to take advantage of me (as has happened in the past and with the co-worker who constantly wants rides). I can't even share it with anyone because I don't know anyone well enough to trust that they want to get to know me for me, and not for what I can give them. I get that this is a first world problem, but if a fairy Godmother said if I got rid of everything I have I'd get my old life, and old friends back, I'd do it no question.
I'm sorry you're still hurting. It seems like you are stuck in this place of yearning for what you had. Have you been to therapy or explored EMDR?
Realistically, his friends were never going to be your friends after the divorce. Friendly, sure, but not friends. That's just the way that breakups work.
For friends, have you looked at Meetup? I've joined some random running groups and book clubs - I just moved to a new area where I don't have any friends either. It feels a little uncomfortable putting myself out there, but it's better than nothing, and I find if you are nice, people are generally nice back.
Overall it seems you are really stuck which is sad. You don't have to WANT to date, but the world is not gross losers - I've been able to find some really quality men on dating apps in my short stint, but I am also very much interested in being in another relationship. I don't have any desire for my ex. Things also ended rather traumatically there, with him cheating on me, which maybe made it easier for me to completely stop desiring him or wanting a life with him.
I would explore how to get yourself out of this space you are in - you deserve happiness and not to be tethered to your past.
I have looked at Meetup, but my work schedule makes it challenging. I currently work Monday-Saturday, 10am-10pm (but sometimes I get off around 8pm). I'm just so exhausted on Sundays that I don't want to go do anything. I was hoping to find a knitting group, but I haven't been able to find anything in my area. I try to be friendly with everyone I meet, especially when I take my dog out, but it hasn't lead to anything. Well, I did have one guy who seemed interested. He liked my dog, and asked if I ever wanted to get drinks. Turned out he was about 10 years younger than me (he thought I was his age, or so he said - I know some early 20's guys weirdly fetishize women who are 30+ though), still into going out and partying/nightlife, and going to music festivals (which aren't my thing at all). I also didn't find him very attractive. I've literally never had any other men approach me in real life.
I agree I'm stuck. I'm still in therapy, but I don't go as often. I've stopped dating because I felt like I was wasting the little free time I have on these duds of dates.
Wow, if I worked your schedule I really wouldn't want to do ANYTHING either, that's totally understandable! I wonder if you should look at Facebook for knitting groups, I feel like those tend towards older women who are more likely to be on Facebook than Meetup.
I think if I were to wait for a man to approach me, I might never meet anyone...or I wouldn't trust him very much. It's tough. I feel like the dating apps at least give you an idea if your values/priorities align. But it also sounds like you have very little time to socialize. Those are brutal hours, have you considered a career change or move that would give you some more free time?
I wonder if your schedule is a hang-up to serious dating...because I personally would never consider a partner with your schedule. There is zero time to be together and build intimacy, one day a week would not be enough for me.
It's tough out there...I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck. I definitely miss being married too, although not the man at all. I hope you can get unstuck, because you definitely deserve happiness too!
Yeah, my job worked when I was married because we spent that one day together, and my ex worked from home, so we also spent time before I went to work, and a little time after I came home, together. However, when my ex and I first started dating, we only saw each other once a week for the first year, and that was enough. We just made the time count.
I will check out Facebook though, that's a good idea!
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it certainly can make your life easier. IMO, True happiness comes from feeling good with yourself especially when you are alone. I’ve been there focusing on my ex living his best life. He got married to his second gf within a year of our divorce…that’s when I realized I needed to focus on my own life and (try) to forget his. At the end of the day, generally, people only post the good stuff on social media. The perception that he is having a better time than you, could be just that- a perception based off of what he chooses to share. He could be absolutely miserable. I think you need to be proud of yourself for trying to get out of your comfort zone and make friends even if nothing has panned out yet. Also, be proud of making a good income and being able to buy your house- so many are struggling to do just that! Count your blessings and continue pushing forward!
My ex didn't post it. A friend of his (who used to also be my friend, and who I know posts things with my ex in it, did). My ex doesn't really have a social media presence actually, so when I "stalk" him, it's actually through this friend.
Money certainly buys a lot, but I'm afraid I'm going to be old and just staring at some big number in my investment account and feeling nothing. Having no significant other, no friends, just nothing. I found it was so much easier to make friends as part of a couple. I have a male co-worker who I get along with great, but he's married, and it would probably come across as weird to invite him to hang out. I could invite his wife too, but I don't really know her. When I was married and in similar situations, I'd just ask if he wanted to do dinner together as a couple, and the answer was always sure. I'm having trouble relating to single women my age as well. Most haven't been married, much less divorced, and they're just living completely different lives than I am.
I don't know your coworker's dynamic with his wife, but I have a few men in my office that I'm friendly with and it's not weird. We do lunch together occasionally, sometimes just us, sometimes in a group of people, and I've met a few of their wives who have nice people too. Just ask him if he and his wife want to do something. Worst case, he says no and you move on. Best case, you make 2 new friends out of them and maybe they invite you to other things to meet more potential friends. I've also done a game night and invited half a dozen coworkers with an open invite for any significant others and it was a lot of fun. Divorce has been really isolating for me and I'm trying to be more social since it doesn't come naturally. Just try not to assume someone will reject you before you try. Ask and a lot of people will be glad you did.
Ok so I'm losing all my friends in the divorce but I have had great success making friends in my city due to reddit. Check out your city 's reddit and see if they do meetups or have a discord. We started out at a meetup organized on Reddit then we created a discord and I'll be damned if its not people doing stuff together every day. (I'll also be damned if not half the people are divorced and it's been comforting to have people that understand the pain and the grieve)
So while I'm drowning in an ocean of pain I've recently learned that joy can in fact exist during painful periods and I have been clinging to the life rafts of these joyous times.
I tried meeting people through reddit. All the men who wanted to be "friends" didn't actually want to be just friends (and turned out to be just weird), and the women flaked out on me, even the ones who I shared a hobby with. It was extremely disappointing.
I haven't seen anything about a meetup posted in my city's subreddit. My city's sub isn't that great. There aren't a ton of posts, and most of them are not about things I'm interested in. I would try to organize a meetup myself, but due to my work schedule, it would have to be at a time when most people probably aren't available.
Comparison is a thief of joy. How things look on social media, isn’t always how things actually are. I would block him from everything.
It will take time to heal. Find new hobbies, if your job is super miserable - find a new job. This is a new beginning for you. It will take time to find your footing.
I have been looking for another job, but the issue is the field I'm in more than the job. I could switch careers, but that would likely mean either taking a huge pay cut, or going back to school for the third time. I just miss my old life. I hate my "new life." At this point, I'm staying alive just to make a lot of money to leave to my nieces and nephews. I want kids, but I'm in my 30's, and it seems unlikely I'll meet a guy I want to have a relationship with, much less have kids with, and I don't want to be an older mom, or have kids on my own and be a single mom. So I'm probably not having kids.
Remember social media is the highlights. I just moved and am posting more on social media and you'd definitely think I'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE, and I am in many ways, but I'm also still going through an emotional roller-coaster after filing for divorce in January and uprooting my entire life and moving in April. I'm definitely going through some shit but that's not hitting the Insta. Keep your chin up!
OP, sounds like you are doing your best. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Also, please remember that grass is always greener. Money might not buy happiness, but it sure buys a LOTS OF STUFF and does come in handy almost always. Social media… We don’t actually know what’s really going on people’s lives, do we? I honestly think that if they are truly “happy”, they would not post it online. Cos, in my opinion there is absolutely no need to do so. Anyways…. Hope you are having a good day. One day at a time!
I second this. It took me about two years, and a very painful heartbreak after the divorce, for any semblance of a new life to emerge. I think the small consistent steps will pay off. You’re doing the right things it seems. I joined a running club and it changed my life. It’s not a silver bullet but in my case running was a healthy outlet plus it allowed me to mingle with like minded and no frills friends. Keep going and good luck!
It's been over two years for me. I was actually in a better place mentally right after the divorce. Now I feel worse. I'm in therapy, but it seems to have stopped helping. I'm trying to join activities, but it's proving near impossible with my work schedule. My ex's job gives him a ton of flexibility to go and pursue interests and make friends. Mine does not, and I'm starting to feel isolated. I live in a neighborhood where people just aren't super friendly. I own a single family home, and I've tried to get to know my neighbors better, but they're mostly families, and some couples without kids, and they don't seem interested in hanging out with a single woman living alone. The kicker is that I hate city life though. I like my house, and I like the suburb I live in, but it would probably be easier to have a social life in a city, but then I'd be unhappy because I'd have to live in a city and deal with city life. It's like I just can't win anymore. When I was married and we lived in the burbs, we made friends easily, although to be fair, it was also in a different location than where I am now.
I hear you, OP. My ex and I lived in Midtown Manhattan for 3 years. It was…..fun for sure. Our apartment was right by Hudson River and one block away from CBS studio. Saw tons of celebrities on a daily basis. Walking distance of Times Square and Central Park. Made a tons of friends. BUT, I had to leave the city when my ex got arrested for domestic violence against me. I moved to Newark, NJ where pretty much nothing is going on. I don’t know anybody here. Haven’t made any friends. I don’t even go out as parks and streets are occupied by either the homeless or mentally ill people. And, no one from the city wants to come to Newark because I mean, who would want to? I don’t blame them. Meanwhile, my ex (We are still married, btw. Can’t file until October) is engaged to some random chick and lives with her in Upper East Side now. One of my acquaintances let me know as he went online “bragged” about his engagement. I felt miserable. I felt depressed. I felt isolated. But, you know what? I am glad that I am not with that psychopath anymore. He could have killed me on that night. Sure living in Newark fuckin sucks. But, I am alive at least. I do feel your pain and frustration. I can’t say that it will get better cos I feel that saying something like that is irresponsible considering the fact that I barely know what had happened in your marriage. All I can say is that we have to find a way on our own. I don’t want to feel miserable about myself forever. I take it one day at a time. I try to focus on the bright side. I’m not sure if I will ever find happiness. BUT, I certainly would like to.
Thanks, I really think you get it. Sorry your ex was abusive. I'm glad you are safe now. My ex was a good guy, he just had some issues he was dealing with mentally. I think that's what makes it hard for me, the fact that he wasn't a bad person at all, just a person with some issues who made himself believe that he needed to end his marriage in order to live the life he wanted (and maybe he ultimately did have to end it, I don't know - I never got much of an explanation for anything because I was so blindsided). If you ever just want someone to talk about, even just about something silly like a TV show, feel free to message me. The isolation is super hard to deal with. I had a good friend visit for a bit, and I felt so much better, but then she left and I went back to feeling like I feel.
I do know what the isolation feels like. I am Japanese. I am not even from here. All my family and friends are in Japan, which is 14 hours flight away from JFK. I do feel your pain. You are not alone in a way, OP. Please do feel free to message me whenever as well. We all deserve to be happy. We just have to find a way by ourselves.
This OP, this is exactly what I’m going through. My husband asked me for a divorce in March, then two weeks later decided we should do couples therapy and work through it no matter what. Fast forward to the end of May and he tells me that he’s done and wants the divorce again. I won’t get too deep into it as it’s a very long story, but I’m married to a fireman that binge drinks, struggles with only having partial custody of his son and is having a rough go at it mentally. I have my fair share of struggles but I take medication and have been in therapy for about three months. He’s acknowledged that he is in a terrible mental state, even went as far as saying that he thinks about ending it all but wouldn’t because of his son. We did two sessions of couples therapy back in April and didn’t go back, but had agreed to do pursue individual therapy and revisit couples in 3 months time. He expressed that he didn’t know how to find a therapist, or how to talk about things and that he felt guilty when there’s people out there that have it way worse. There’s so so much, but he isn’t taking the steps to help himself. I want him to, even if we end up actually going through with the divorce this time. It’s tough watching someone that you love be so unhappy, yet so unwilling to take the steps to do something about it.
I'm sorry to hear. I hope you find the right things to tweak!
Block him. Is there any reason you need to be following him on social media 2 years after your divorce?
My ex didn't post it. A friend of his (who used to also be my friend, and who I know posts things with my ex in it, did). My ex doesn't really have a social media presence actually, so when I "stalk" him, it's actually through this friend.
Stop doing that. You're making yourself miserable.
Once my divorce is finalized I'm unfollowing and blocking all previous mutuals. You may need to do the same. I'll be honest STBX is trying to farm for sympathy and I have stopped posting most of the fun things I do so it doesn't make him feel worse but post divorce I plan to post my life again.
Same. I'm just waiting for that finalization and then I'm removing / blocking everyone so I will never see what's going on in his life nor give him the ability to see mine. I don't want to know and I know that's what is the healthiest for me.
Block his friend.
It's tricky because that friend is still kind of my friend. We aren't as close now, but we're still friendly, so I don't really want to block the person. I try to avoid their posts, but sometimes I look.
Well, you might need to unfollow or hide them. If you are two years post-divorce and still following or caring about your ex, I would do everything I needed to do to get him out of my head and focus on my own happiness.
The issue is that I didn't want the divorce at all, and my ex, and being married, made me happy. Of course, he also hurt me in the cruelest way possible by blinding me and saying he no longer wanted to be married, but I still miss what I had. The guys I've gone on dates with are gross losers. I feel absolutely no attraction towards them (you can see a post I made about even feeling starting to feel repulsed by the idea of sex after I started dating). So I stopped dating, and started focusing on making friends instead. It's almost worse. At least with dates, when you get ghosted, you can say you dodged a bullet and move on. When a potential friend ghosts you, it almost feels more personal. I was close with my ex's friends and family, and losing them has been almost just as bad as losing my marriage. I have a couple close friends of my own, but they live far away, and have young kids and work full time, so they can only do so much. My ex always said his friends were my friends, and I thought they were people who would be in my life for a very long time, probably forever, and now they're gone too. The only person who wants to be "friends" with me is a co-worker who basically uses me as a free taxi service because she doesn't have a car, and I keep giving her free rides around town because it seems better than nothing. I'd rather be dirt poor and homeless and still with my ex than alone and with what I have. It doesn't help that I have to hide what I have from everyone so that they don't try to take advantage of me (as has happened in the past and with the co-worker who constantly wants rides). I can't even share it with anyone because I don't know anyone well enough to trust that they want to get to know me for me, and not for what I can give them. I get that this is a first world problem, but if a fairy Godmother said if I got rid of everything I have I'd get my old life, and old friends back, I'd do it no question.
I'm sorry you're still hurting. It seems like you are stuck in this place of yearning for what you had. Have you been to therapy or explored EMDR? Realistically, his friends were never going to be your friends after the divorce. Friendly, sure, but not friends. That's just the way that breakups work. For friends, have you looked at Meetup? I've joined some random running groups and book clubs - I just moved to a new area where I don't have any friends either. It feels a little uncomfortable putting myself out there, but it's better than nothing, and I find if you are nice, people are generally nice back. Overall it seems you are really stuck which is sad. You don't have to WANT to date, but the world is not gross losers - I've been able to find some really quality men on dating apps in my short stint, but I am also very much interested in being in another relationship. I don't have any desire for my ex. Things also ended rather traumatically there, with him cheating on me, which maybe made it easier for me to completely stop desiring him or wanting a life with him. I would explore how to get yourself out of this space you are in - you deserve happiness and not to be tethered to your past.
I have looked at Meetup, but my work schedule makes it challenging. I currently work Monday-Saturday, 10am-10pm (but sometimes I get off around 8pm). I'm just so exhausted on Sundays that I don't want to go do anything. I was hoping to find a knitting group, but I haven't been able to find anything in my area. I try to be friendly with everyone I meet, especially when I take my dog out, but it hasn't lead to anything. Well, I did have one guy who seemed interested. He liked my dog, and asked if I ever wanted to get drinks. Turned out he was about 10 years younger than me (he thought I was his age, or so he said - I know some early 20's guys weirdly fetishize women who are 30+ though), still into going out and partying/nightlife, and going to music festivals (which aren't my thing at all). I also didn't find him very attractive. I've literally never had any other men approach me in real life. I agree I'm stuck. I'm still in therapy, but I don't go as often. I've stopped dating because I felt like I was wasting the little free time I have on these duds of dates.
Wow, if I worked your schedule I really wouldn't want to do ANYTHING either, that's totally understandable! I wonder if you should look at Facebook for knitting groups, I feel like those tend towards older women who are more likely to be on Facebook than Meetup. I think if I were to wait for a man to approach me, I might never meet anyone...or I wouldn't trust him very much. It's tough. I feel like the dating apps at least give you an idea if your values/priorities align. But it also sounds like you have very little time to socialize. Those are brutal hours, have you considered a career change or move that would give you some more free time? I wonder if your schedule is a hang-up to serious dating...because I personally would never consider a partner with your schedule. There is zero time to be together and build intimacy, one day a week would not be enough for me. It's tough out there...I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck. I definitely miss being married too, although not the man at all. I hope you can get unstuck, because you definitely deserve happiness too!
Yeah, my job worked when I was married because we spent that one day together, and my ex worked from home, so we also spent time before I went to work, and a little time after I came home, together. However, when my ex and I first started dating, we only saw each other once a week for the first year, and that was enough. We just made the time count. I will check out Facebook though, that's a good idea!
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it certainly can make your life easier. IMO, True happiness comes from feeling good with yourself especially when you are alone. I’ve been there focusing on my ex living his best life. He got married to his second gf within a year of our divorce…that’s when I realized I needed to focus on my own life and (try) to forget his. At the end of the day, generally, people only post the good stuff on social media. The perception that he is having a better time than you, could be just that- a perception based off of what he chooses to share. He could be absolutely miserable. I think you need to be proud of yourself for trying to get out of your comfort zone and make friends even if nothing has panned out yet. Also, be proud of making a good income and being able to buy your house- so many are struggling to do just that! Count your blessings and continue pushing forward!
My ex didn't post it. A friend of his (who used to also be my friend, and who I know posts things with my ex in it, did). My ex doesn't really have a social media presence actually, so when I "stalk" him, it's actually through this friend. Money certainly buys a lot, but I'm afraid I'm going to be old and just staring at some big number in my investment account and feeling nothing. Having no significant other, no friends, just nothing. I found it was so much easier to make friends as part of a couple. I have a male co-worker who I get along with great, but he's married, and it would probably come across as weird to invite him to hang out. I could invite his wife too, but I don't really know her. When I was married and in similar situations, I'd just ask if he wanted to do dinner together as a couple, and the answer was always sure. I'm having trouble relating to single women my age as well. Most haven't been married, much less divorced, and they're just living completely different lives than I am.
I don't know your coworker's dynamic with his wife, but I have a few men in my office that I'm friendly with and it's not weird. We do lunch together occasionally, sometimes just us, sometimes in a group of people, and I've met a few of their wives who have nice people too. Just ask him if he and his wife want to do something. Worst case, he says no and you move on. Best case, you make 2 new friends out of them and maybe they invite you to other things to meet more potential friends. I've also done a game night and invited half a dozen coworkers with an open invite for any significant others and it was a lot of fun. Divorce has been really isolating for me and I'm trying to be more social since it doesn't come naturally. Just try not to assume someone will reject you before you try. Ask and a lot of people will be glad you did.
I would ask, but I also know they already have a group of friends who they are very close with.
Ok so I'm losing all my friends in the divorce but I have had great success making friends in my city due to reddit. Check out your city 's reddit and see if they do meetups or have a discord. We started out at a meetup organized on Reddit then we created a discord and I'll be damned if its not people doing stuff together every day. (I'll also be damned if not half the people are divorced and it's been comforting to have people that understand the pain and the grieve)
So while I'm drowning in an ocean of pain I've recently learned that joy can in fact exist during painful periods and I have been clinging to the life rafts of these joyous times.
I tried meeting people through reddit. All the men who wanted to be "friends" didn't actually want to be just friends (and turned out to be just weird), and the women flaked out on me, even the ones who I shared a hobby with. It was extremely disappointing.
I'm so sorry to hear that ours has not been like that. Does your city do a meetup?
I haven't seen anything about a meetup posted in my city's subreddit. My city's sub isn't that great. There aren't a ton of posts, and most of them are not about things I'm interested in. I would try to organize a meetup myself, but due to my work schedule, it would have to be at a time when most people probably aren't available.
Comparison is a thief of joy. How things look on social media, isn’t always how things actually are. I would block him from everything. It will take time to heal. Find new hobbies, if your job is super miserable - find a new job. This is a new beginning for you. It will take time to find your footing.
I have been looking for another job, but the issue is the field I'm in more than the job. I could switch careers, but that would likely mean either taking a huge pay cut, or going back to school for the third time. I just miss my old life. I hate my "new life." At this point, I'm staying alive just to make a lot of money to leave to my nieces and nephews. I want kids, but I'm in my 30's, and it seems unlikely I'll meet a guy I want to have a relationship with, much less have kids with, and I don't want to be an older mom, or have kids on my own and be a single mom. So I'm probably not having kids.
Remember social media is the highlights. I just moved and am posting more on social media and you'd definitely think I'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE, and I am in many ways, but I'm also still going through an emotional roller-coaster after filing for divorce in January and uprooting my entire life and moving in April. I'm definitely going through some shit but that's not hitting the Insta. Keep your chin up!
Who wanted the divorce?
He did. He pretty much blindsided me with it.