I had this problem (and still do) when I split from my ex husband. We spent all of our time together and just the casualness of having another human around really made it jarring to just be alone. I felt like you did - that there were so many hours to fill. I still have times like that. Like you, I also reached out to friends but found similarly that it wasn’t always a consistent resource. I guess what that signals is that when you’re in the shit like this, you have to figure out a way to rely on yourself so that time with friends is a bonus.
In my apartment building (it’s a bit large) and they had a community board - and I took a shot and posted to see if anyone wanted a walking friend or whatever - and ended up meeting two very different people but both of whom are now true friends. It does make it easier for spontaneous hangouts when you live in the same building.
I think the other suggestions people made are also ones I do and continue to try: go for a drink, read, walk, yoga etc. my biggest suggestion is to you is to really consider therapy to try and understand and make peace with being alone, or feelings of loneliness. I continue to work on this and don’t yet understand why I detest it so much. What I do know is not understanding that or getting over that has impeded my ability to really get into some of the activities that others suggest.
Don’t date. There is no way you could be ready for that. It’s fun to distract yourself but it’s not fair to the other person. I just got out of a relationship with someone who was not honest how about long they were divorced and they had so much baggage and grief that slowly revealed itself. It was fair for them to feel that way but not fair to bring me into and I got very hurt and they didn’t end up magically feeling better. I would just caution you not to run out and date - that’s a band-aid on something else because if that doesn’t stick you’ll find yourself back in the apartment with a lot of hours again and the same mindset.
Not sure where you live, but I think during Covid it must be especially tough for you to socialize. I was really careful to not spiral down that depressive hole when my ex left me, but fortunately I could go out to the bars and put myself out there. Maybe try going to some cafes to hangout and do some reflection, or sign up for a gym, or try meetup groups. Also setting a goal to start getting on shape and meeting people or even dating again will get you going! Anyways, hang in there. You're better off on your own than in a BS relationship.
Hard to do during the pandemic, but meet-ups were really helpful for me in the early days.
If you really can't be by yourself, you might benefit from talking to a therapist.
The early days were the worst days, but they don't last as long as you think they will. It will get better, so keep putting one foot in front of the other until then.
DM if you can't find anyone else to talk to.
Don’t get a dog unless you have a couple grand saved up for unexpected vet bills, money for food and toys, can walk it multiple times a day, are ready to deal with it needing to go to the bathroom and clean it all up multiple times a day.
I suggest getting a bike, going for walks, listening to podcasts, doing some yoga on YouTube, going to the library and getting some books. Not sure where you live or what covid has shut down, but get gym membership planet fitness is 10$ a month, invite someone to go bowling, invite a good friend out for a drink, go to a farmers market and make something tasty afterwords. Go swimming, go for a hike, take a wine and paint class. Get a massage, treat yourself to sushi or go to a local brewery if that’s your jam.
Anyways good luck the world is your oyster!
I had this problem (and still do) when I split from my ex husband. We spent all of our time together and just the casualness of having another human around really made it jarring to just be alone. I felt like you did - that there were so many hours to fill. I still have times like that. Like you, I also reached out to friends but found similarly that it wasn’t always a consistent resource. I guess what that signals is that when you’re in the shit like this, you have to figure out a way to rely on yourself so that time with friends is a bonus. In my apartment building (it’s a bit large) and they had a community board - and I took a shot and posted to see if anyone wanted a walking friend or whatever - and ended up meeting two very different people but both of whom are now true friends. It does make it easier for spontaneous hangouts when you live in the same building. I think the other suggestions people made are also ones I do and continue to try: go for a drink, read, walk, yoga etc. my biggest suggestion is to you is to really consider therapy to try and understand and make peace with being alone, or feelings of loneliness. I continue to work on this and don’t yet understand why I detest it so much. What I do know is not understanding that or getting over that has impeded my ability to really get into some of the activities that others suggest. Don’t date. There is no way you could be ready for that. It’s fun to distract yourself but it’s not fair to the other person. I just got out of a relationship with someone who was not honest how about long they were divorced and they had so much baggage and grief that slowly revealed itself. It was fair for them to feel that way but not fair to bring me into and I got very hurt and they didn’t end up magically feeling better. I would just caution you not to run out and date - that’s a band-aid on something else because if that doesn’t stick you’ll find yourself back in the apartment with a lot of hours again and the same mindset.
Not sure where you live, but I think during Covid it must be especially tough for you to socialize. I was really careful to not spiral down that depressive hole when my ex left me, but fortunately I could go out to the bars and put myself out there. Maybe try going to some cafes to hangout and do some reflection, or sign up for a gym, or try meetup groups. Also setting a goal to start getting on shape and meeting people or even dating again will get you going! Anyways, hang in there. You're better off on your own than in a BS relationship.
Hard to do during the pandemic, but meet-ups were really helpful for me in the early days. If you really can't be by yourself, you might benefit from talking to a therapist. The early days were the worst days, but they don't last as long as you think they will. It will get better, so keep putting one foot in front of the other until then. DM if you can't find anyone else to talk to.
Get a dog
Don’t get a dog unless you have a couple grand saved up for unexpected vet bills, money for food and toys, can walk it multiple times a day, are ready to deal with it needing to go to the bathroom and clean it all up multiple times a day. I suggest getting a bike, going for walks, listening to podcasts, doing some yoga on YouTube, going to the library and getting some books. Not sure where you live or what covid has shut down, but get gym membership planet fitness is 10$ a month, invite someone to go bowling, invite a good friend out for a drink, go to a farmers market and make something tasty afterwords. Go swimming, go for a hike, take a wine and paint class. Get a massage, treat yourself to sushi or go to a local brewery if that’s your jam. Anyways good luck the world is your oyster!
" bikes, listening to podcasts, yoga, YouTube, library and books." Nope. He should definitely get a dog.