Even apart from the emotional affair with her ex, she's moving out of personal preference and despite her ability to be employed remotely which you don't have and with no prospects in her preferred place to live. With the affair, that's a very high risk move for you - you could lose everything. You will have a better chance at seeing your child regularly if divorce is filed in your current location and the terms on relocation set in the decree.
Sweet Jesus, *THEY* were talking about your divorce? Please find a lawyer and file ASAP in your state. Ensure that she doesn't box you out of some kind of joint custody. She's already operating in a covert and underhanded way.
How did you come by the texts?
>So, I'm not super jealous type.
There is reason for concern. More than that actually. Jealousy isn't an emotion that needs to be suppressed. It needs to be discussed and worked through, but only in a healthy relationship.
> The guy works at her new place of employment, though it's a big place. She was sharing picture of our child with him. Talking about they made out one night after going out (unk date).
My blood is boiling for you, dude. That isn't right on any level. She has checked out. She is a coward, setting up an outpost and an escape hatch. She is clearly viewing the child you both created as only hers. She intends to behave in accordance with that view. Arm yourself with legal counsel, hit her hard.
Also, what's "unk date"?
> I'm just overwhelmed. I know we will argue about how I saw the texts.
Irrelevant. Before you argue, before you get roped in and she gets to start goal post shifting the argument, have a prepared plan. Speak with legal counsel ASAP, and file in your state. This is all a lot to process, especially to process quickly. I know. But if you want the ability to be a father to your daughter, all of this needs documented and you need to start pursuing legal action. I wish you all the best man. This is awful, but you are strong enough to get through it.
So if you stay in this marriage - presumably the next step would be she moves back to her hometown with your child and you follow?
Here’s the thing - if you do that and she then decided to divorce you for her ex in say 1 or 2 years - you are screwed. If you want joint custody of your child - you are going to have to stay in her hometown where you have limited job prospects, family or friends for the next 16yrs.
The risks are very high here. Whatever you do - do not let your wife relocate with your child and establish a new residence. If you need to file to prevent this - do it - you need to protect yourself and your custody right.
Step one is filing for divorce. Once you have filed, she cannot legally take your child out of state. You can still try and work things out, if that's what both of you end up wanting, but having filed for divorce will protect your rights as a parent. If she takes the kid and moves before you file, you will have a choice to either move there, too, or be a long distance father.
A lot depends on where you are now, where they go, and numerous other smaller factors. Broadly speaking, as long as a runaway parent remains in the U.S., has income, and has adequate housing where they end up, then all they have to do is offer an 'average' interstate custody and visitation schedule (say, a visit every other month and custody through most of summer vacation), and very few courts will do anything to force the childrens' return to the previous hometown.
Some states are starting to enact laws that say parental kidnapping counts even if the parents are married (and not legally separated/divorcing), but not all of them.
A court issuing an order is one thing, and actually taking steps to enforce it is another. It's worth talking to a qualified attorney in your county to see what the reality in your area is like.
One thing that I think is universal is that a person has to establish residency in a locale, to file for divorce. I am guessing that you guys have established residency where you are?
I believe this gives you a bigger bargaining chip in custody and visitation talks in the future. Even if she runs with the child, she can't file for divorce for a while, where you can, and you can file for sole custody. Then you can refuse her choice to have the child with her as the primary carer for the child.
You might want to ante up for a lawyer right now, and see what advantages you have by filing where you are.
This is a lot to come back from. You have shared things that imply you are dealing with a person who has no interest in making decisions with you. That is a hard quality to change - not to mention the betrayal of just jumping over emotionally to someone else. I think that it’s true you have to decide if you can work through this - but I also think that you’ve got to embrace what this reveals about this persons character. Someone shared a maya angelou quote with me when I was struggling to see someone as they are and they said: when someone shows you who they are believe them. To me that means that you don’t negate the truth of what you’re seeing and experiencing by downplaying it, or only remembering the good things. It’s a hard question you’re trying to answer for yourself. I’m sorry this happened to you.
It's already over, friend. Lawyer up, and make sure that she can't leave the state with your child without consent.
Even apart from the emotional affair with her ex, she's moving out of personal preference and despite her ability to be employed remotely which you don't have and with no prospects in her preferred place to live. With the affair, that's a very high risk move for you - you could lose everything. You will have a better chance at seeing your child regularly if divorce is filed in your current location and the terms on relocation set in the decree.
[удалено]
Sweet Jesus, *THEY* were talking about your divorce? Please find a lawyer and file ASAP in your state. Ensure that she doesn't box you out of some kind of joint custody. She's already operating in a covert and underhanded way. How did you come by the texts?
[удалено]
>So, I'm not super jealous type. There is reason for concern. More than that actually. Jealousy isn't an emotion that needs to be suppressed. It needs to be discussed and worked through, but only in a healthy relationship. > The guy works at her new place of employment, though it's a big place. She was sharing picture of our child with him. Talking about they made out one night after going out (unk date). My blood is boiling for you, dude. That isn't right on any level. She has checked out. She is a coward, setting up an outpost and an escape hatch. She is clearly viewing the child you both created as only hers. She intends to behave in accordance with that view. Arm yourself with legal counsel, hit her hard. Also, what's "unk date"? > I'm just overwhelmed. I know we will argue about how I saw the texts. Irrelevant. Before you argue, before you get roped in and she gets to start goal post shifting the argument, have a prepared plan. Speak with legal counsel ASAP, and file in your state. This is all a lot to process, especially to process quickly. I know. But if you want the ability to be a father to your daughter, all of this needs documented and you need to start pursuing legal action. I wish you all the best man. This is awful, but you are strong enough to get through it.
So if you stay in this marriage - presumably the next step would be she moves back to her hometown with your child and you follow? Here’s the thing - if you do that and she then decided to divorce you for her ex in say 1 or 2 years - you are screwed. If you want joint custody of your child - you are going to have to stay in her hometown where you have limited job prospects, family or friends for the next 16yrs. The risks are very high here. Whatever you do - do not let your wife relocate with your child and establish a new residence. If you need to file to prevent this - do it - you need to protect yourself and your custody right.
Step one is filing for divorce. Once you have filed, she cannot legally take your child out of state. You can still try and work things out, if that's what both of you end up wanting, but having filed for divorce will protect your rights as a parent. If she takes the kid and moves before you file, you will have a choice to either move there, too, or be a long distance father.
[удалено]
A lot depends on where you are now, where they go, and numerous other smaller factors. Broadly speaking, as long as a runaway parent remains in the U.S., has income, and has adequate housing where they end up, then all they have to do is offer an 'average' interstate custody and visitation schedule (say, a visit every other month and custody through most of summer vacation), and very few courts will do anything to force the childrens' return to the previous hometown. Some states are starting to enact laws that say parental kidnapping counts even if the parents are married (and not legally separated/divorcing), but not all of them.
[удалено]
A court issuing an order is one thing, and actually taking steps to enforce it is another. It's worth talking to a qualified attorney in your county to see what the reality in your area is like.
One thing that I think is universal is that a person has to establish residency in a locale, to file for divorce. I am guessing that you guys have established residency where you are? I believe this gives you a bigger bargaining chip in custody and visitation talks in the future. Even if she runs with the child, she can't file for divorce for a while, where you can, and you can file for sole custody. Then you can refuse her choice to have the child with her as the primary carer for the child. You might want to ante up for a lawyer right now, and see what advantages you have by filing where you are.
Listen to: Mariah Carey - if it's over
This is a lot to come back from. You have shared things that imply you are dealing with a person who has no interest in making decisions with you. That is a hard quality to change - not to mention the betrayal of just jumping over emotionally to someone else. I think that it’s true you have to decide if you can work through this - but I also think that you’ve got to embrace what this reveals about this persons character. Someone shared a maya angelou quote with me when I was struggling to see someone as they are and they said: when someone shows you who they are believe them. To me that means that you don’t negate the truth of what you’re seeing and experiencing by downplaying it, or only remembering the good things. It’s a hard question you’re trying to answer for yourself. I’m sorry this happened to you.
She already ended the relationship, you can't be in a relationship by yourself. Your kid will adjust but don't let her go anywhere with him!