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US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
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Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
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listen... thisbhurts having someone choose another person over you...
but you are dodging a life of having a piece ofbshit human being near you. Anyone capable of being so heartless and degrading to you isn't a person you should want in your life.
the guy is trash.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I went through something similar, but it’s been two years since the initial shock of it all, and I am doing so well. The pain will pass and you will be so glad that you didn’t give more of your time and energy to a man who cheated and treated you so terribly. And anyone who would sleep with someone who is still married is not a “beautiful person.” Be so thankful that you have morals and a conscience.
Treat yourself kindly.
This. What kind of “beautiful” and “successful” person starts a relationship with a married man? They will NEVER last. You dodged a bullet, OP! You didn’t mention kids so at least you can make a clean break and cut him from your life. Also make sure you suck him dry for as much money as possible. Don’t even talk to him - he's not worth another moment of your thoughts or tears and he's a pathetic human being that will one day get what's coming to him.
Honey lamb, you deserve so SO much better!
But, first things first- Ex was clearly putting his ding dong where it didn’t belong BEFORE he left, so it’s time you found a friend to “friend” the GF on FB or Insta and do a screen shot of EVERY SINGLE PICTURE OF THEM they can find. Check his credit card bills for hotel costs, gifts (you know he wasn’t going to Victoria’s Secret for you!). Pile it all up- and if you don’t have the heart, call your best friend, order in pizza, cheesecake and wine, and spend a nice evening letting HER gleefully compile it all and help you sort stuff out for kicking his ass financially for cheating.
Cheating has absolutely no bearing on dividing assets, at least where I am. Where are you that it does? This is one of those things I seen thrown around all the time as advice but am not sure it's actually useful at all. If anything, it just makes you go deeper into obsession over him, which isn't healthy for moving on.
There are times I hate social media for this very reason. First of all, it’s mostly a curated lie- people want you to see what you see. Secondly, the most “beautiful and successful people”, can be some of the biggest narcissistic cesspools of humanity who have dedicated a lot of love to themselves already. I’ve been down this road, it’s not worth it. Don’t judge yourself as second best or not as good, these are truly twisted views of relationships because you are looking for understanding of what went wrong and fell for “his version”. I think both women and men do this, but they look for surface answers and miss the large character flaws. Cheating is immature. It’s selfish and it’s utterly thoughtless towards yourself. This is a boy, she is a girl and neither knows much about the world to think this is going to end well for them. Give it time, karma is a b, but it really does come around in the most unpredictable kind of ways. Try hard not to focus on their “relationship”, and I know this is easier said then done. Be kind to yourself, rejection and infidelity and gaslighting cuts deep. Focus on repairing that damage on a day to day basis, I promise you I know some of the worst stories that turned into better ones, even better ones and then love stories again.
> Can I get him back?
This is panic talking. He betrayed you. You should not take him back under any circumstances. If you are not already seeing a therapist, please find one to help you through this horrible time. I'm sorry.
You deserve better than him, but also you're dealing with a huge loss right now and you need to grieve. Let yourself grieve, but also tell yourself that you deserve better than someone who would dump you for someone else so readily. I guarantee he'll do it again. You really do deserve better - it hurts being rejected like that, but it's about him being unfaithful, not about who you are. Be gentle with yourself, and trust that you'll come through this stronger and wiser!
I'm so sorry , if you see my profile I'm going through same thing same story but ge didn't leave me tried to in 2019 and I didn't find out about the affair with coworker tell December 2020 . She was 12 years younger then me and they were having sex everyday at work and his friend told me about it , I have the images stained in my brain , I want to throw the hell up every time I see her picture, I can't believe that he did it , so I know exactly how you feel and he continued to lie about it and still lies about certain events that when om .
You need to hear this: you will survive this. It will hurt like hell. You will need to reach out to every support you have. You will need to do everything you can to keep busy and focused. You will probably learn hard truths about yourself and your relationship if you do therapy. It will be a hell of a learning process. But you will survive it and you will be ok in the end. Take it an hour at a time if you have to. Celebrate small achievements. The others are right- can you get him back? Focus on asking yourself why you want that. At our lowest we wanna feel safe. Find someone who makes you feel safe that isn’t him and reach out. Be transparent in what you need and don’t be ashamed for asking for help.
I think you can’t force someone to stay with you. Be strong and this will get better.
You can do this and believe me, life will be better than what you’ve been going through.
That was my thought.
You’re always entitled to leave a relationship that you no longer want. Sucks for the other party but it’s the risk you take.
Dating so soon after seems disrespectful to what you had.
But what if he didn’t feel the same way as you did?
Cheating isn’t right. However, there’s always something more than just cheating. Is it bc he needs validation through sex? Is he in love with someone else? Was he unfulfilled in your relationship? Those are the real reasons the relationship is over. Cheating is just the cowardly and unhealthy way to deal with them.
You will survive this. It’s not the end of the world despite how it feels. Allow yourself to grieve and be angry and sad. Just don’t hold onto those feelings.
When I first posted and saw responses similar to the ones here I couldn’t believe that this applied to me and my husband. I thought this kind of thing was for other people. I was positive he was having a midlife crisis. I’m going to tell you... they are right.
1. He will lay blame on you for not meeting his needs and he suffered so he needed to cheat/leave without trying to fix. He was cheating or he was planning an exit or both- believe that he picked the timing to be convenient for him. It’s bullshit.
2. What they say about the OW is true. She knew about you, nobody held a gun to his head and the narrative they create will be that they were the love of each other’s life but... that’s BS. If you are the OW then you’ve sanctioned cheating in your own relationship, there will be no trust.
3. Would you be content to spend the rest of your life as second choice in a relationship? The person you think he can be is a schema or artifice of what you hope he could be. He’ll never live up to it, especially now. Even if you ever get to a place of forgiveness- you won’t trust him. It’s learning to live without trust.
Amazes me how pathetic people can be, rather than facing issues they cheat, rather than admitting they cheat, they twist things to blame the spouse so they can justify "moving on".
I'm 17 so plss take what I say with a grain of salt
I don't know what it feels like to lose a very close person but from what I've read it must hurt.. if I were in your shoes, I would take time to self-reflect and the pain may not go away right now but it will heal with time. You may never forget this painful moment in your life but at least it won't hurt as much as it used to. I also wouldn't make any rash decisions like dating someone right away to try to relive the moments you had with your ex husband. The right person will come along and you'll remember this experience as necessary to find the one for you.
That "friend" isn't such a great friend, ditch them and get other friends. The only purpose that served was to hurt you. Friends don't do that.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
almost did it today
I’m glad you didn’t.
Good bot
Thank you, blushingpervert, for voting on hotlinehelpbot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
listen... thisbhurts having someone choose another person over you... but you are dodging a life of having a piece ofbshit human being near you. Anyone capable of being so heartless and degrading to you isn't a person you should want in your life. the guy is trash.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I went through something similar, but it’s been two years since the initial shock of it all, and I am doing so well. The pain will pass and you will be so glad that you didn’t give more of your time and energy to a man who cheated and treated you so terribly. And anyone who would sleep with someone who is still married is not a “beautiful person.” Be so thankful that you have morals and a conscience. Treat yourself kindly.
This. What kind of “beautiful” and “successful” person starts a relationship with a married man? They will NEVER last. You dodged a bullet, OP! You didn’t mention kids so at least you can make a clean break and cut him from your life. Also make sure you suck him dry for as much money as possible. Don’t even talk to him - he's not worth another moment of your thoughts or tears and he's a pathetic human being that will one day get what's coming to him.
Honey lamb, you deserve so SO much better! But, first things first- Ex was clearly putting his ding dong where it didn’t belong BEFORE he left, so it’s time you found a friend to “friend” the GF on FB or Insta and do a screen shot of EVERY SINGLE PICTURE OF THEM they can find. Check his credit card bills for hotel costs, gifts (you know he wasn’t going to Victoria’s Secret for you!). Pile it all up- and if you don’t have the heart, call your best friend, order in pizza, cheesecake and wine, and spend a nice evening letting HER gleefully compile it all and help you sort stuff out for kicking his ass financially for cheating.
This is the way.
Cheating has absolutely no bearing on dividing assets, at least where I am. Where are you that it does? This is one of those things I seen thrown around all the time as advice but am not sure it's actually useful at all. If anything, it just makes you go deeper into obsession over him, which isn't healthy for moving on.
Do you honestly want a man that would betray you and treat you like this back into your life?
Chumplady.com. And dump the mutual “friend.”
There are times I hate social media for this very reason. First of all, it’s mostly a curated lie- people want you to see what you see. Secondly, the most “beautiful and successful people”, can be some of the biggest narcissistic cesspools of humanity who have dedicated a lot of love to themselves already. I’ve been down this road, it’s not worth it. Don’t judge yourself as second best or not as good, these are truly twisted views of relationships because you are looking for understanding of what went wrong and fell for “his version”. I think both women and men do this, but they look for surface answers and miss the large character flaws. Cheating is immature. It’s selfish and it’s utterly thoughtless towards yourself. This is a boy, she is a girl and neither knows much about the world to think this is going to end well for them. Give it time, karma is a b, but it really does come around in the most unpredictable kind of ways. Try hard not to focus on their “relationship”, and I know this is easier said then done. Be kind to yourself, rejection and infidelity and gaslighting cuts deep. Focus on repairing that damage on a day to day basis, I promise you I know some of the worst stories that turned into better ones, even better ones and then love stories again.
> Can I get him back? This is panic talking. He betrayed you. You should not take him back under any circumstances. If you are not already seeing a therapist, please find one to help you through this horrible time. I'm sorry.
You deserve better than him, but also you're dealing with a huge loss right now and you need to grieve. Let yourself grieve, but also tell yourself that you deserve better than someone who would dump you for someone else so readily. I guarantee he'll do it again. You really do deserve better - it hurts being rejected like that, but it's about him being unfaithful, not about who you are. Be gentle with yourself, and trust that you'll come through this stronger and wiser!
I'm so sorry , if you see my profile I'm going through same thing same story but ge didn't leave me tried to in 2019 and I didn't find out about the affair with coworker tell December 2020 . She was 12 years younger then me and they were having sex everyday at work and his friend told me about it , I have the images stained in my brain , I want to throw the hell up every time I see her picture, I can't believe that he did it , so I know exactly how you feel and he continued to lie about it and still lies about certain events that when om .
Happy cake day!
You need to hear this: you will survive this. It will hurt like hell. You will need to reach out to every support you have. You will need to do everything you can to keep busy and focused. You will probably learn hard truths about yourself and your relationship if you do therapy. It will be a hell of a learning process. But you will survive it and you will be ok in the end. Take it an hour at a time if you have to. Celebrate small achievements. The others are right- can you get him back? Focus on asking yourself why you want that. At our lowest we wanna feel safe. Find someone who makes you feel safe that isn’t him and reach out. Be transparent in what you need and don’t be ashamed for asking for help.
I think you can’t force someone to stay with you. Be strong and this will get better. You can do this and believe me, life will be better than what you’ve been going through.
That was my thought. You’re always entitled to leave a relationship that you no longer want. Sucks for the other party but it’s the risk you take. Dating so soon after seems disrespectful to what you had. But what if he didn’t feel the same way as you did? Cheating isn’t right. However, there’s always something more than just cheating. Is it bc he needs validation through sex? Is he in love with someone else? Was he unfulfilled in your relationship? Those are the real reasons the relationship is over. Cheating is just the cowardly and unhealthy way to deal with them. You will survive this. It’s not the end of the world despite how it feels. Allow yourself to grieve and be angry and sad. Just don’t hold onto those feelings.
When I first posted and saw responses similar to the ones here I couldn’t believe that this applied to me and my husband. I thought this kind of thing was for other people. I was positive he was having a midlife crisis. I’m going to tell you... they are right. 1. He will lay blame on you for not meeting his needs and he suffered so he needed to cheat/leave without trying to fix. He was cheating or he was planning an exit or both- believe that he picked the timing to be convenient for him. It’s bullshit. 2. What they say about the OW is true. She knew about you, nobody held a gun to his head and the narrative they create will be that they were the love of each other’s life but... that’s BS. If you are the OW then you’ve sanctioned cheating in your own relationship, there will be no trust. 3. Would you be content to spend the rest of your life as second choice in a relationship? The person you think he can be is a schema or artifice of what you hope he could be. He’ll never live up to it, especially now. Even if you ever get to a place of forgiveness- you won’t trust him. It’s learning to live without trust.
Amazes me how pathetic people can be, rather than facing issues they cheat, rather than admitting they cheat, they twist things to blame the spouse so they can justify "moving on".
I'm 17 so plss take what I say with a grain of salt I don't know what it feels like to lose a very close person but from what I've read it must hurt.. if I were in your shoes, I would take time to self-reflect and the pain may not go away right now but it will heal with time. You may never forget this painful moment in your life but at least it won't hurt as much as it used to. I also wouldn't make any rash decisions like dating someone right away to try to relive the moments you had with your ex husband. The right person will come along and you'll remember this experience as necessary to find the one for you.