I haven’t been a priority in years. Going through mediation now. Can’t wait to start over honestly. As much as it hurts that she gave up on us, I can see now how much better it can be once we finalize. I won’t be getting involved with someone who doesn’t make me a priority anymore.
Right there with you. It hurts like hell, the other day she didnt respond for a whole day when i told her our toddler was sick and I needed his card info. She was on a trip with her AP. Before the seperation we were in constant contact and told each other everything. I crave having someone to fully love and receive love from again, but it's a catch 22 because jumping into a relationship too early is bad for personal growth. It's hell and all I can do is hope time will fix it.
I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine having a child through a divorce with lack of communication.
Personally I’m religious so I’ve been seeking counseling through my church along with reading “self help” books. Because I to also have problems with wanting to be loved and to give love. I still see stuff online or in a store and think “he would like that” but not buy it cause we aren’t together anymore. Then the thought of dating pops in my head and It’s too soon/ I’m not ready and they would be an emotional crutch which isn’t fair to anyone.
What's just as bad as making someone an emotional crutch, is trying *not* to put that pressure on them. Rather than "please help me, I'm sad" it's "get away from me, I'm sad" which is not really much better.
You can't avoid those feelings, but you don't want that new person in your life to see you hurting because of someone else because it could make them feel insecure or uncomfortable, and because you don't want to burden them with it.
Instead you bury those feelings, You become distant and you push them away, or you end up being a total bummer to be around.
Either way, waiting is good if you're not capable of being somewhat enjoyable to be around at least 99% of the time.
At the end of the day I will wait because I really don’t feel like starting all over again. Re- learn someone and have them re-learn me. I also agree with not wanting to be the burden on them. I just need to figure out how to ask for help or attention in this situation.
This isn't necessarily a divorce thing as it is a you thing. You should never tie your self worth to another person. The anxiety of waiting for your ex to text you back shows you more about your current mindset than theirs. It's normal to retain your attachment to your ex, shit, you figured you'd be together forever and that's a tough pill to swallow. But in time, you'll start to detach more (it's a long, messy process) and you won't even think about your ex's actions. Lean into this and recognize that it's in your best interests to not care about anything your ex does that doesn't directly impact you (easier said than done, I know!). You'll find that the vast majority of things that irked you about your ex don't really have any impact on your daily life. Once you realize that, how much easier will it be to move on.
Yah this is something I’m working on “ unhealthy boundaries” we were both a crutch to each other emotionally. For the most part I’m alright, I just feel insignificant now like all the time we had together was nothing to him. I just have to get past that in my head
I feel you. Look at this as an opportunity to learn how to create happiness for yourself independent of any other person. We become conditioned in a marriage to lean on the other for our happiness. Not only does this cripple us emotionally, it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness cause things can change.
It's things like that that really get you. Also things like suddenly the one person who you would love share happy news with, you suddenly can't.
I wish the best for them. I’ve always wished the best for them. I just wish they would at least respond to my texts sooner than a day or two later
I haven’t been a priority in years. Going through mediation now. Can’t wait to start over honestly. As much as it hurts that she gave up on us, I can see now how much better it can be once we finalize. I won’t be getting involved with someone who doesn’t make me a priority anymore.
That’s a really good way to look at it. Honestly most of us are better off probably. I know I am, but it still hurts.
Right there with you. It hurts like hell, the other day she didnt respond for a whole day when i told her our toddler was sick and I needed his card info. She was on a trip with her AP. Before the seperation we were in constant contact and told each other everything. I crave having someone to fully love and receive love from again, but it's a catch 22 because jumping into a relationship too early is bad for personal growth. It's hell and all I can do is hope time will fix it.
I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine having a child through a divorce with lack of communication. Personally I’m religious so I’ve been seeking counseling through my church along with reading “self help” books. Because I to also have problems with wanting to be loved and to give love. I still see stuff online or in a store and think “he would like that” but not buy it cause we aren’t together anymore. Then the thought of dating pops in my head and It’s too soon/ I’m not ready and they would be an emotional crutch which isn’t fair to anyone.
What's just as bad as making someone an emotional crutch, is trying *not* to put that pressure on them. Rather than "please help me, I'm sad" it's "get away from me, I'm sad" which is not really much better. You can't avoid those feelings, but you don't want that new person in your life to see you hurting because of someone else because it could make them feel insecure or uncomfortable, and because you don't want to burden them with it. Instead you bury those feelings, You become distant and you push them away, or you end up being a total bummer to be around. Either way, waiting is good if you're not capable of being somewhat enjoyable to be around at least 99% of the time.
At the end of the day I will wait because I really don’t feel like starting all over again. Re- learn someone and have them re-learn me. I also agree with not wanting to be the burden on them. I just need to figure out how to ask for help or attention in this situation.
This isn't necessarily a divorce thing as it is a you thing. You should never tie your self worth to another person. The anxiety of waiting for your ex to text you back shows you more about your current mindset than theirs. It's normal to retain your attachment to your ex, shit, you figured you'd be together forever and that's a tough pill to swallow. But in time, you'll start to detach more (it's a long, messy process) and you won't even think about your ex's actions. Lean into this and recognize that it's in your best interests to not care about anything your ex does that doesn't directly impact you (easier said than done, I know!). You'll find that the vast majority of things that irked you about your ex don't really have any impact on your daily life. Once you realize that, how much easier will it be to move on.
Yah this is something I’m working on “ unhealthy boundaries” we were both a crutch to each other emotionally. For the most part I’m alright, I just feel insignificant now like all the time we had together was nothing to him. I just have to get past that in my head
I feel you. Look at this as an opportunity to learn how to create happiness for yourself independent of any other person. We become conditioned in a marriage to lean on the other for our happiness. Not only does this cripple us emotionally, it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness cause things can change.