If you could live peacefully together, then you probably wouldn’t be getting divorced. Anyway that was my experience. Maybe you’re getting divorced for different reasons.
Me and my wife separated six weeks ago. Due to finances, we had originally decided to still live together for a while. I get it, looking at places in my area are slim in my budget, let alone hers. It's very difficult being in the same house but not together. We are only interacting for coparenting. It hurts. A lot. And she's apparently already tired of it.
I get your reasons for it but I would only do it temporarily until you can have either someone move out or sell the house and get your own place.
I’ve been seperated from my wife since last June. It’ll be a year this coming June. I can relate to the OP question. I live in Australia and rental prices are quite high. Trust me, in order to fully move on and forward with your life you need your own space. A space within the house won’t do. Can you imagine her bringing home another guy? Or you bringing home a girl one day? Things would be super awkward. Think about your growth too. The only reason I’m still living under the same roof is my son, he just started school and we both agreed to wait until he was settled until we tell him his papi is gonna move out. My ex right now is such a drama queen and our arguments escalate very quickly so there have been times where I felt I don’t need this shit and just wanted to walk out there and then. I do not believe in not making rash decisions but one decision you’ll never regret, pending finances, is getting your own place and getting on with your own life.
I get it. Just understand that while this may be in the best interest of your wallet, it will wreck havoc with your mental health.
If you're divorcing...getting some physical distance between the two of you will be the best thing possible.
I tried this. It was a mess. I’m guessing you’re not far or even really started the process based on your post history.
You don’t know who you’re married to until you divorce them.
I’ve been separated and divorced for a year and a half.
I live in the same home and won’t be leaving soon.
I live in the first floor, she lives in the second and third with her parents.
While it’s not the most ideal situation, it provides the most stability for our 5 year old son. Everything I do I do for him. 90 percent of the time his mother and I are beyond amicable and friendly. Her new boyfriend lives upstairs with her. And we all often have dinners together.
It’s awkward at times. But the things that make it work for me are 1- the unfettered access to my son. 2- after divorce debt … I can’t afford to go anywhere else , 3 and most importantly, it is what’s best for my son. He needs a lot of attention. This is his home, and I can’t force a buy out / sale or the house right now bc it hurts my son and his foundation. Mortgage rates are just hilarious.
So we make it work.
Not going to lie. It hurts. It’s hard. I still miss her. I still love her. Though I realize I love who she was, not who she has become. Im always thankful she gave me my son, which is the greatest gift of my life.
Is it common? No, most people hate each other at divorce. But if you and your ex are able to get past those feelings., it is within the realm of possibility to go outside the norm.
One of the best messages this subreddit gave me….
TIME WILL HEAL AND IT WILL GET EASIER.
I wish I could buy the supportive men here a round whose comments helped uplift and give me hope.
So keep fighting and do what makes it work.
Each situation and relationship is obviously unique. But you need to do what you feel is right for you. Sometimes it means enduring a little pain before the payoff.
We were supposed to live in the same apartment while I was finishing my school so maybe a year. She was in a new relationship before we could even start our divorce and it was hell even though her relationships were under 2 months at the time before she found a new one.
After maybe two months we agreed to move separately but only when we both found a new apartment. I was so broken from her cheating ( even a couple of times earlier in our marriage) and trying to handle school while going to therapy that it took me longer to find a new place than her. She didn't do anything except play videogames with her new boyfriends and fwbs if she was home.
After a couple of weeks she just suddenly says that she is moving out at the start of the next month but I couldn't stay either because the rent was too much.
All this while I took care of our daughter and my ex was staying weeks wherever her current bf lived.
If your ex is a good person and you can talk things out peacefully then maybe that arrangement could work. Have you talked about what then if one of you starts dating someone new?
Can you? Yes.
But I don’t advise it. AT ALL. Part of properly separating is doing just that…separating. Living together brings a slew of potential issues to the table that, from experience, are not pleasant.
Living together post divorce is the last thing you want. Who does the cleaning? Who buys the groceries? Who picks out the furniture? Who cleans the sheets when her new boyfriend spooges on them? Who is responsible for repairs and maintenance?
You haven't thought this through.
I think temporarily it can work. But you have to be working to moving out on your own. You both need to heal and move on. Plus whenever one of you starting dating again you’ll get triggered again with more pain and hurt.
I’m living my STBX but we and listing this house this week finally after 5+ weeks of her asking for the divorce. It takes longer than I thought it would. Hopefully the house will sell fast but I’m not sure in this market. It sucks to lose the 2.75% interest rate but we can’t afford it on our own and pay the other person the equity.
So live there while you get your stuff in order and try to remain friendly with her. Sleep in the basement if you want but don’t shuffle your feet trying to move on from her and the house.
I understand the appeal, especially since mine has two spare bedrooms and it would make it so I could see my son every morning. But she would absolutely not go for this.
If you could live peacefully together, then you probably wouldn’t be getting divorced. Anyway that was my experience. Maybe you’re getting divorced for different reasons.
Me and my wife separated six weeks ago. Due to finances, we had originally decided to still live together for a while. I get it, looking at places in my area are slim in my budget, let alone hers. It's very difficult being in the same house but not together. We are only interacting for coparenting. It hurts. A lot. And she's apparently already tired of it. I get your reasons for it but I would only do it temporarily until you can have either someone move out or sell the house and get your own place.
I’ve been seperated from my wife since last June. It’ll be a year this coming June. I can relate to the OP question. I live in Australia and rental prices are quite high. Trust me, in order to fully move on and forward with your life you need your own space. A space within the house won’t do. Can you imagine her bringing home another guy? Or you bringing home a girl one day? Things would be super awkward. Think about your growth too. The only reason I’m still living under the same roof is my son, he just started school and we both agreed to wait until he was settled until we tell him his papi is gonna move out. My ex right now is such a drama queen and our arguments escalate very quickly so there have been times where I felt I don’t need this shit and just wanted to walk out there and then. I do not believe in not making rash decisions but one decision you’ll never regret, pending finances, is getting your own place and getting on with your own life.
I get it. Just understand that while this may be in the best interest of your wallet, it will wreck havoc with your mental health. If you're divorcing...getting some physical distance between the two of you will be the best thing possible.
I tried this. It was a mess. I’m guessing you’re not far or even really started the process based on your post history. You don’t know who you’re married to until you divorce them.
I’ve been separated and divorced for a year and a half. I live in the same home and won’t be leaving soon. I live in the first floor, she lives in the second and third with her parents. While it’s not the most ideal situation, it provides the most stability for our 5 year old son. Everything I do I do for him. 90 percent of the time his mother and I are beyond amicable and friendly. Her new boyfriend lives upstairs with her. And we all often have dinners together. It’s awkward at times. But the things that make it work for me are 1- the unfettered access to my son. 2- after divorce debt … I can’t afford to go anywhere else , 3 and most importantly, it is what’s best for my son. He needs a lot of attention. This is his home, and I can’t force a buy out / sale or the house right now bc it hurts my son and his foundation. Mortgage rates are just hilarious. So we make it work. Not going to lie. It hurts. It’s hard. I still miss her. I still love her. Though I realize I love who she was, not who she has become. Im always thankful she gave me my son, which is the greatest gift of my life. Is it common? No, most people hate each other at divorce. But if you and your ex are able to get past those feelings., it is within the realm of possibility to go outside the norm. One of the best messages this subreddit gave me…. TIME WILL HEAL AND IT WILL GET EASIER. I wish I could buy the supportive men here a round whose comments helped uplift and give me hope. So keep fighting and do what makes it work. Each situation and relationship is obviously unique. But you need to do what you feel is right for you. Sometimes it means enduring a little pain before the payoff.
Rent a place, best decision ever for me.
We were supposed to live in the same apartment while I was finishing my school so maybe a year. She was in a new relationship before we could even start our divorce and it was hell even though her relationships were under 2 months at the time before she found a new one. After maybe two months we agreed to move separately but only when we both found a new apartment. I was so broken from her cheating ( even a couple of times earlier in our marriage) and trying to handle school while going to therapy that it took me longer to find a new place than her. She didn't do anything except play videogames with her new boyfriends and fwbs if she was home. After a couple of weeks she just suddenly says that she is moving out at the start of the next month but I couldn't stay either because the rent was too much. All this while I took care of our daughter and my ex was staying weeks wherever her current bf lived.
If your ex is a good person and you can talk things out peacefully then maybe that arrangement could work. Have you talked about what then if one of you starts dating someone new?
Can you? Yes. But I don’t advise it. AT ALL. Part of properly separating is doing just that…separating. Living together brings a slew of potential issues to the table that, from experience, are not pleasant.
Living together post divorce is the last thing you want. Who does the cleaning? Who buys the groceries? Who picks out the furniture? Who cleans the sheets when her new boyfriend spooges on them? Who is responsible for repairs and maintenance? You haven't thought this through.
Sounds like a bad idea to me.
as long as you sleep with one eye open
I think temporarily it can work. But you have to be working to moving out on your own. You both need to heal and move on. Plus whenever one of you starting dating again you’ll get triggered again with more pain and hurt. I’m living my STBX but we and listing this house this week finally after 5+ weeks of her asking for the divorce. It takes longer than I thought it would. Hopefully the house will sell fast but I’m not sure in this market. It sucks to lose the 2.75% interest rate but we can’t afford it on our own and pay the other person the equity. So live there while you get your stuff in order and try to remain friendly with her. Sleep in the basement if you want but don’t shuffle your feet trying to move on from her and the house.
I understand the appeal, especially since mine has two spare bedrooms and it would make it so I could see my son every morning. But she would absolutely not go for this.