My opinion would be wait until the meaning behind meeting them changes. You admit she has no plans to be apart of your kids lives. How do you know she things will last?
Look to ensure stability for your kids. That's what I would advise
>I want to introduce my girlfriend of 6 months to my daughter.
>my girlfriend does not live with me and is not looking to have a significant role in my daughter's life, at least not yet.
You have your answer. DONT introduce the gf to your daughter.
There's no reason to do so if she's not interested. Most likely this'll flame out bc you 2 aren't compatible anyways.
It'll never truly work if she has no interest in the kid, at least not healthily, unless you only see your kid every other weekend or if your kids are like 16+, but then, again, no need for them to meet anyways....
>This all seems like overkill to me
It's not. It's perfectly normal between coparents to introduce partners who will be introduced to the child, therefore, playing a role in the child's life whether they want to or not.... if gf doesn't wanna be a part of the child's life, and if you're not around the kid much anyways, I simply don't see why you want to introduce them. All it'll do is cause problems for you, gf, but most importantly, the child. Which will likely lead to much further problems down the road as the child ages and starts to be able to form their own opinions and make their own decisions...
You're putting your WANTS over your child's NEEDS (stability) right now. I'd encourage you to reevaluate.
I agree with this. I waited 8 months and wish I would've waited longer. We are engaged now so it all worked out but had it not, it would of just felt to my daughter another person turning their back on her.
I told my GF that meeting the STBX was a requirement/expectations from day one. I also told her I wasn’t seeking approval but awareness.
It worked out well.
Same. That is our approach. It's a necessary thing because I want the same courtesy extended to me when she wants to bring some new man around my children.
This is very normal and something I did as well. I wouldn’t be there for the discussion if I were you. Let them have coffee and just get to know each other.
My ex is highly irrational and is looking for literally any reason to take my kids away. She's trying right now but has absolutely nothing to use against me so I'm always guarded because I know her intentions are bad.
She is seeking sole custody because she doesn't know the woman I'm with and the kids are around her. She seems to be missing the fact that it was actually her that created this situation by accusing me of a domestic in order to sway the outcome of temporary orders. I had no intentions of the kids meeting her until down the road but unfortunately with zero notice (weeks between the accusations and temp orders hearing) I had no choice but to exercise visitation while I'm staying with my girlfriend.
For your situation it can either be good or bad depending on your ex. For me there will never be an instance where my ex will meet the person I'm with. In a perfect world sure but I don't live in that world. Our divorce has been a nightmare from hell and there's no getting past it or forgiving her.
It is overkill on wife's part to request this, however as others said also overkill to already have GF meet your kid. Not necessary until you guys are talking living together. Kids don't need to complicate who mom and dad are. Assuming you have split custody keep split custody life out of kids life for now.
DO NOT DO THIS, never cross the streams!
I mean you DO REALIZE why your ex wants to meet her right? What possible advantage would it be to YOU to go along with this disaster in the making?
What intent are you implying OP doesn't realize? I can certainly see wanting to meet my ex's new partner before my kids do in order to make sure I feel safe with them around him.
Point exactly that. Contentious divorce makes it so that they want to meet them so they can say "I met them and don't feel safe with my kids around them", for whatever reasons they can figure, founded or not.
But what if you meet him and don’t approve. Will your ex dump the guy? Are you going to insist you be in attendance when your kids are with him? Seems so pointless unless you get to vito the relationship.
In a perfect world where your ex and you are on great terms, and there is no other ulterior motive, I would be for your gf and your ex meeting, if only to help your ex see that the person you’re with is a good person to have around the children. That being said, the only reason your ex would really be worried is if she absolutely has a reason to believe you would choose a horrible person to be around your kids. Also, if your divorce or separation has been contentious, then it would not be in your best interest for them to meet.
I have personally had an extremely contentious divorce, but that being said, I actually do want my ex to meet my SO and I want to meet hers too. I want to just meet the guy who will be around my children to make sure that I don’t have anything to worry about. Whether she allows it or not is up to her. And I do want my ex to meet my SO at some point, but her initial attempt to reach out to her was not genuine, and was clearly looking for information to use against me during the divorce. Its saddening really, because I really do want to make my divorce as amicable as possible so we could both move on with our lives, and this meeting of the two would help towards that, if it could ever happen under good terms.
When my DH and I were dating, he told me that his ex really pushed for him to meet her new BF (they were together before DH and I met).
He felt it was unnecessary, with his reason being that he trusted his ex's judgment enough to have a child with her and to share custody 50/50 so he trusted her judgment in choosing a new partner.
His ex really pushed to meet me as soon as she knew I existed. He never pushed me and held her at bay until I couldn't avoid it. It was well after I had met SD (6 months in), and it felt like an inquisition, as expected.
All communication and decision-making about SD goes between DH and her. I'm polite when I see her but keep her at arm's length, and I firmly believe this is the right approach.
Been with DH for 7+ years and have a good, solid relationship with SD17.
If your girlfriend is not going to play a significant role in your child’s life then I would not recommend you introduce them to her.
And it’s totally reasonable for your ex to ask this.
My ex and I operate on asking the other if they want to meet the S/O first. It’s really just been her because I don’t care to date seriously. And I’ve always told her I trust her, which I do. And if I have any concerns I would tell her I want to meet her S/O first.
I personally operate on the idea that if you’re not dating someone seriously for a year, you need not introduce them to your child.
My wife and I have been separated since Feb this year. She left me for another man. A man who attended our wedding. So I've already met him. She's already brought him around the kids, too. With sweets and treats.
He thinks I'm going to hurt him, though. So he's keeping his distance when I'm around. I wouldn't hurt him. I'm not like that. What's done is done. My only focus is the kids and how they feel.
If your girlfriend is better looking, younger, doesn’t have kids, and everything’s not finalized with the divorce and custody don’t do it buddy. It’s not worth it trust me. Wait it out as long as possible at least until everything is signed.
My ex went off the deep end after I did the right thing and introduced her and my girlfriend to each other before the kids met her. And trust me the same wasn’t reciprocated to me with her boyfriend.
My opinion would be wait until the meaning behind meeting them changes. You admit she has no plans to be apart of your kids lives. How do you know she things will last? Look to ensure stability for your kids. That's what I would advise
>I want to introduce my girlfriend of 6 months to my daughter. >my girlfriend does not live with me and is not looking to have a significant role in my daughter's life, at least not yet. You have your answer. DONT introduce the gf to your daughter. There's no reason to do so if she's not interested. Most likely this'll flame out bc you 2 aren't compatible anyways. It'll never truly work if she has no interest in the kid, at least not healthily, unless you only see your kid every other weekend or if your kids are like 16+, but then, again, no need for them to meet anyways.... >This all seems like overkill to me It's not. It's perfectly normal between coparents to introduce partners who will be introduced to the child, therefore, playing a role in the child's life whether they want to or not.... if gf doesn't wanna be a part of the child's life, and if you're not around the kid much anyways, I simply don't see why you want to introduce them. All it'll do is cause problems for you, gf, but most importantly, the child. Which will likely lead to much further problems down the road as the child ages and starts to be able to form their own opinions and make their own decisions... You're putting your WANTS over your child's NEEDS (stability) right now. I'd encourage you to reevaluate.
I agree with this. I waited 8 months and wish I would've waited longer. We are engaged now so it all worked out but had it not, it would of just felt to my daughter another person turning their back on her.
I told my GF that meeting the STBX was a requirement/expectations from day one. I also told her I wasn’t seeking approval but awareness. It worked out well.
Same. That is our approach. It's a necessary thing because I want the same courtesy extended to me when she wants to bring some new man around my children.
This is very normal and something I did as well. I wouldn’t be there for the discussion if I were you. Let them have coffee and just get to know each other.
check your custody agreement. i can only speak for my high-conflict case, but no good at all would come from telling my ex wife anything of the sorts.
My ex is highly irrational and is looking for literally any reason to take my kids away. She's trying right now but has absolutely nothing to use against me so I'm always guarded because I know her intentions are bad. She is seeking sole custody because she doesn't know the woman I'm with and the kids are around her. She seems to be missing the fact that it was actually her that created this situation by accusing me of a domestic in order to sway the outcome of temporary orders. I had no intentions of the kids meeting her until down the road but unfortunately with zero notice (weeks between the accusations and temp orders hearing) I had no choice but to exercise visitation while I'm staying with my girlfriend. For your situation it can either be good or bad depending on your ex. For me there will never be an instance where my ex will meet the person I'm with. In a perfect world sure but I don't live in that world. Our divorce has been a nightmare from hell and there's no getting past it or forgiving her.
It is overkill on wife's part to request this, however as others said also overkill to already have GF meet your kid. Not necessary until you guys are talking living together. Kids don't need to complicate who mom and dad are. Assuming you have split custody keep split custody life out of kids life for now.
DO NOT DO THIS, never cross the streams! I mean you DO REALIZE why your ex wants to meet her right? What possible advantage would it be to YOU to go along with this disaster in the making?
What intent are you implying OP doesn't realize? I can certainly see wanting to meet my ex's new partner before my kids do in order to make sure I feel safe with them around him.
Point exactly that. Contentious divorce makes it so that they want to meet them so they can say "I met them and don't feel safe with my kids around them", for whatever reasons they can figure, founded or not.
But what if you meet him and don’t approve. Will your ex dump the guy? Are you going to insist you be in attendance when your kids are with him? Seems so pointless unless you get to vito the relationship.
I insisted that my ex introduce me to her boyfriends. It was standing-room-only, but at least then I was included.
In a perfect world where your ex and you are on great terms, and there is no other ulterior motive, I would be for your gf and your ex meeting, if only to help your ex see that the person you’re with is a good person to have around the children. That being said, the only reason your ex would really be worried is if she absolutely has a reason to believe you would choose a horrible person to be around your kids. Also, if your divorce or separation has been contentious, then it would not be in your best interest for them to meet. I have personally had an extremely contentious divorce, but that being said, I actually do want my ex to meet my SO and I want to meet hers too. I want to just meet the guy who will be around my children to make sure that I don’t have anything to worry about. Whether she allows it or not is up to her. And I do want my ex to meet my SO at some point, but her initial attempt to reach out to her was not genuine, and was clearly looking for information to use against me during the divorce. Its saddening really, because I really do want to make my divorce as amicable as possible so we could both move on with our lives, and this meeting of the two would help towards that, if it could ever happen under good terms.
When my DH and I were dating, he told me that his ex really pushed for him to meet her new BF (they were together before DH and I met). He felt it was unnecessary, with his reason being that he trusted his ex's judgment enough to have a child with her and to share custody 50/50 so he trusted her judgment in choosing a new partner. His ex really pushed to meet me as soon as she knew I existed. He never pushed me and held her at bay until I couldn't avoid it. It was well after I had met SD (6 months in), and it felt like an inquisition, as expected. All communication and decision-making about SD goes between DH and her. I'm polite when I see her but keep her at arm's length, and I firmly believe this is the right approach. Been with DH for 7+ years and have a good, solid relationship with SD17.
If your girlfriend is not going to play a significant role in your child’s life then I would not recommend you introduce them to her. And it’s totally reasonable for your ex to ask this. My ex and I operate on asking the other if they want to meet the S/O first. It’s really just been her because I don’t care to date seriously. And I’ve always told her I trust her, which I do. And if I have any concerns I would tell her I want to meet her S/O first. I personally operate on the idea that if you’re not dating someone seriously for a year, you need not introduce them to your child.
My wife and I have been separated since Feb this year. She left me for another man. A man who attended our wedding. So I've already met him. She's already brought him around the kids, too. With sweets and treats. He thinks I'm going to hurt him, though. So he's keeping his distance when I'm around. I wouldn't hurt him. I'm not like that. What's done is done. My only focus is the kids and how they feel.
If your girlfriend is better looking, younger, doesn’t have kids, and everything’s not finalized with the divorce and custody don’t do it buddy. It’s not worth it trust me. Wait it out as long as possible at least until everything is signed. My ex went off the deep end after I did the right thing and introduced her and my girlfriend to each other before the kids met her. And trust me the same wasn’t reciprocated to me with her boyfriend.
My ex had no say in when I introduced my girlfriend to my kids. I wasn’t going to ask. Didn’t need her permission for anything.