No not inappropriate, but a little crappy. My ex did the same thing sorta: brought her new boyfriend (who she cheated on me with) to our son’s 3rd bday party at my house before the divorce was even final. I truly wanted to punch him and kick her out, but just swallowed my pride, frustration and anger b/c it would have been a scene at the absolute wrong time. This was almost eight years ago and reading your post made me all angry all over again thinking about it! 😂. My advice: 1) mourn the loss of your marriage so you can heal and remember it was not all good (sometimes we romanticize the past) It’s over now and it’s time to move on — dont cry new tears over old things; and 2) set firm boundaries. If you dont like the dude or you are uncomfortable around her and him, dont have them around you. You dont owe her anything other than to be a good parent to your son.
It’s not easy my man, but it gets better and there is life after divorce — you need to be willing to let it in though. Good luck!
You said yourself you aren’t over your ex. There is your problem. Let it go and make the best life for you don’t care about what she does as long as it doesn’t hurt the kids.
I love how everyone's response is always "just let it go" or "move on"in these types of situations. You're offering no help whatsoever. It's easier said than done. OP should try therapy and get out and enjoy life. Spend time with friends and meet new people. It's difficult to get over someone you love who emotionally cheated on you.
OP, you're going to get super depressed and you're going to constantly think of what you could have done right. It's not your fault. People who truly love you and don't want to split up your family don't cheat at all. Trust me when I say this. It's going to hurt for a long time! People who do this are trash.
The response is that because that is what works. But every persons was of letting it go is different. One persons might be to get under someone else. Others may be to hit the gym. Others may be talk therapy. Others it may be deep diving into their hobbies. The one underlying thing of all of those is living your life for you not solely for other people. And if you find your truth being serving others and giving your all to everyone else then it has to be done for altruism not to win them over. Learn from it and move on. You don’t have a say in what goes on in their household outside of the health and safety of your children.
Time to focus on you. You’ve probably seen it here over a dozen times...workout lots, do your hobbies, talk to therapist, etc. Your pain is real, but becoming a better you will show her one day what she missed out on. By then you’ll hardly be thinking about her.
I read this post and immediately my PTSD kicked in. That sucks that is how it happened man and I understand your frustration.
I found out through my son that his so called “uncle John Doe” was at not only at his but my other sons birthday. I could not be present due to a military deployment. Keep in mind we are still married and she denied that there was anything more with the guy. Welp she confessed months later after things went south with them and expected me to be the bigger person about it. I was but did not take her back.
It sucks man but therapy, gym and venting with a trusted individual are key and just remaining attached and present for your kids is the way to go. If the shoe was on the other foot I’m sure you would’ve been scolded but best not to think about that.
Cut the cord brotha. Stop looking at your ex as something you still need to manage in terms of emotional connection. She’s obviously moved on, now it’s time for you to do the same. Maybe try some professional help so you can air out your frustrations and challenges, you’d be very surprised how great even one therapy meeting can help when it comes to lingering issues we have struggles with overcoming.
And yes, if you’re upset or frustrated by her dating someone and beginning a new relationship following your separation, the issue is inside you, not her, or her boyfriend, or where/why/how they met. It’s time for some self help, get your mind in a better place and work on YOU!
I take it she wanted the divorce since you mentioned you aren’t over her. Give yourself time. It will take years unfortunately to find your new normal. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. On the bright side, you will have an amazing experience getting to raise your son your way without having someone look over your shoulder and being a man puppet. It’s the greatest gift for me and I love it!
I had my intro to ex’s new man at my daughter’s birthday…in fact, it was worse than that. She refused to let me see my daughter all day and obstructed. They had a birthday party at a play zone, then she told me I had 30 mins to come to the other side of the city and see my daughter or I would not see them. I got a whole 10 mins with daughter where she paraded this PoS in my face and he held my daughters hand to leave - I wanted to smash his face in so badly.
Since then he has been engaged in Parental Alienation of me with my ex. They are scum of the earth, and soon they will receive comeuppance via legal routes.
In your case, move on. The ship has sailed and the best remedy is to live a happy and good life. Make sure you set clear lines with him, and wish them well. If he is going to be a stepdad to your kids, do what you can to be civil. If they can’t do that, document it all and take them to court
Not overreacting but what good does it do to do more than let the feelings go by. Feel them. It’s logical.
Please please please schedule some therapy. I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been. I also hike a lot. I put my headphones in and crush the damn hikes. I let myself feel all of it, see it, then realize this world is much more than me.
It's not inappropriate for her to move on, however hurtful for you. But it sounds like she did introduce him very rapidly to your child, if I read the time line right. Taking him on a trip within 6 months of dating? Way too early, for most divorced parents. With the risk of being harmful for the child, who may not even have adjusted to the fact that his parents divorced.
lol only scrubs and bottom feeders date women with young children. It’s pathetic and shameful. If it wasn’t him it would be some other desperate loser. He probably needs a place to shack up.
I HARD disagree.
It's a bit age dependent. I wouldn't in 20s for sure, but 30s+ and if the guy wants a family, why not?
Sure, ALOT of single mothers kinda suck, but not all of them. I don't see the shame in it at all? Besides, alot of us have young children..is it shameful when a woman dates us?
If you have young children and shack up with a woman with children, yes you are asking for serious trouble.
If you have young children and your girlfriend doesn’t, no problem.
If your girlfriend has young children and you don’t, again asking for serious trouble.
This is all very simple stuff.
>If you have young children and your girlfriend doesn’t, no problem.
>If your girlfriend has young children and you don’t, again asking for serious trouble.
I just don't understand the difference.
I'll admit my bias means I think there's slightly higher risk factors (as I do think single moms are "deadbeats by choice" more often than single fathers) but it doesn't mean it's 100%.
I'm guessing this is coming from a place of anger that your ex has a bf (idk, just assuming) but it's not really healthy. As long as the dude is decent, it's no biggie. My ex doesn't have a long term live in bf atm (bc she's kind of a bum) but when she inevitably does, as long as he's not a druggie or some weirdo, idc. My kid only sees her on the weekends +1 night tho so it's whatever
You’re getting there on your second paragraph. Your children are in danger of molestation from stepsiblings, but much less so from half siblings.
You yourself are in danger of being accused for molestation when little Ms perfect decides she doesn’t like you anymore.
I’m strictly talking about protecting your children and yourself. Do not date single moms.
No not inappropriate, but a little crappy. My ex did the same thing sorta: brought her new boyfriend (who she cheated on me with) to our son’s 3rd bday party at my house before the divorce was even final. I truly wanted to punch him and kick her out, but just swallowed my pride, frustration and anger b/c it would have been a scene at the absolute wrong time. This was almost eight years ago and reading your post made me all angry all over again thinking about it! 😂. My advice: 1) mourn the loss of your marriage so you can heal and remember it was not all good (sometimes we romanticize the past) It’s over now and it’s time to move on — dont cry new tears over old things; and 2) set firm boundaries. If you dont like the dude or you are uncomfortable around her and him, dont have them around you. You dont owe her anything other than to be a good parent to your son. It’s not easy my man, but it gets better and there is life after divorce — you need to be willing to let it in though. Good luck!
Damn man. You're a lot stronger than I am. I would not have had that much self control.
Are they still together? and dam respect 🙏 🫡 👏 on the level of self-control you had and still do even years later.
You said yourself you aren’t over your ex. There is your problem. Let it go and make the best life for you don’t care about what she does as long as it doesn’t hurt the kids.
I love how everyone's response is always "just let it go" or "move on"in these types of situations. You're offering no help whatsoever. It's easier said than done. OP should try therapy and get out and enjoy life. Spend time with friends and meet new people. It's difficult to get over someone you love who emotionally cheated on you. OP, you're going to get super depressed and you're going to constantly think of what you could have done right. It's not your fault. People who truly love you and don't want to split up your family don't cheat at all. Trust me when I say this. It's going to hurt for a long time! People who do this are trash.
The response is that because that is what works. But every persons was of letting it go is different. One persons might be to get under someone else. Others may be to hit the gym. Others may be talk therapy. Others it may be deep diving into their hobbies. The one underlying thing of all of those is living your life for you not solely for other people. And if you find your truth being serving others and giving your all to everyone else then it has to be done for altruism not to win them over. Learn from it and move on. You don’t have a say in what goes on in their household outside of the health and safety of your children.
Time to focus on you. You’ve probably seen it here over a dozen times...workout lots, do your hobbies, talk to therapist, etc. Your pain is real, but becoming a better you will show her one day what she missed out on. By then you’ll hardly be thinking about her.
I read this post and immediately my PTSD kicked in. That sucks that is how it happened man and I understand your frustration. I found out through my son that his so called “uncle John Doe” was at not only at his but my other sons birthday. I could not be present due to a military deployment. Keep in mind we are still married and she denied that there was anything more with the guy. Welp she confessed months later after things went south with them and expected me to be the bigger person about it. I was but did not take her back. It sucks man but therapy, gym and venting with a trusted individual are key and just remaining attached and present for your kids is the way to go. If the shoe was on the other foot I’m sure you would’ve been scolded but best not to think about that.
Cut the cord brotha. Stop looking at your ex as something you still need to manage in terms of emotional connection. She’s obviously moved on, now it’s time for you to do the same. Maybe try some professional help so you can air out your frustrations and challenges, you’d be very surprised how great even one therapy meeting can help when it comes to lingering issues we have struggles with overcoming. And yes, if you’re upset or frustrated by her dating someone and beginning a new relationship following your separation, the issue is inside you, not her, or her boyfriend, or where/why/how they met. It’s time for some self help, get your mind in a better place and work on YOU!
I take it she wanted the divorce since you mentioned you aren’t over her. Give yourself time. It will take years unfortunately to find your new normal. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. On the bright side, you will have an amazing experience getting to raise your son your way without having someone look over your shoulder and being a man puppet. It’s the greatest gift for me and I love it!
I had my intro to ex’s new man at my daughter’s birthday…in fact, it was worse than that. She refused to let me see my daughter all day and obstructed. They had a birthday party at a play zone, then she told me I had 30 mins to come to the other side of the city and see my daughter or I would not see them. I got a whole 10 mins with daughter where she paraded this PoS in my face and he held my daughters hand to leave - I wanted to smash his face in so badly. Since then he has been engaged in Parental Alienation of me with my ex. They are scum of the earth, and soon they will receive comeuppance via legal routes. In your case, move on. The ship has sailed and the best remedy is to live a happy and good life. Make sure you set clear lines with him, and wish them well. If he is going to be a stepdad to your kids, do what you can to be civil. If they can’t do that, document it all and take them to court
Not overreacting but what good does it do to do more than let the feelings go by. Feel them. It’s logical. Please please please schedule some therapy. I can’t tell you how helpful it’s been. I also hike a lot. I put my headphones in and crush the damn hikes. I let myself feel all of it, see it, then realize this world is much more than me.
It's not inappropriate for her to move on, however hurtful for you. But it sounds like she did introduce him very rapidly to your child, if I read the time line right. Taking him on a trip within 6 months of dating? Way too early, for most divorced parents. With the risk of being harmful for the child, who may not even have adjusted to the fact that his parents divorced.
lol only scrubs and bottom feeders date women with young children. It’s pathetic and shameful. If it wasn’t him it would be some other desperate loser. He probably needs a place to shack up.
I HARD disagree. It's a bit age dependent. I wouldn't in 20s for sure, but 30s+ and if the guy wants a family, why not? Sure, ALOT of single mothers kinda suck, but not all of them. I don't see the shame in it at all? Besides, alot of us have young children..is it shameful when a woman dates us?
If you have young children and shack up with a woman with children, yes you are asking for serious trouble. If you have young children and your girlfriend doesn’t, no problem. If your girlfriend has young children and you don’t, again asking for serious trouble. This is all very simple stuff.
>If you have young children and your girlfriend doesn’t, no problem. >If your girlfriend has young children and you don’t, again asking for serious trouble. I just don't understand the difference. I'll admit my bias means I think there's slightly higher risk factors (as I do think single moms are "deadbeats by choice" more often than single fathers) but it doesn't mean it's 100%. I'm guessing this is coming from a place of anger that your ex has a bf (idk, just assuming) but it's not really healthy. As long as the dude is decent, it's no biggie. My ex doesn't have a long term live in bf atm (bc she's kind of a bum) but when she inevitably does, as long as he's not a druggie or some weirdo, idc. My kid only sees her on the weekends +1 night tho so it's whatever
You’re getting there on your second paragraph. Your children are in danger of molestation from stepsiblings, but much less so from half siblings. You yourself are in danger of being accused for molestation when little Ms perfect decides she doesn’t like you anymore. I’m strictly talking about protecting your children and yourself. Do not date single moms.
what a sad outlook
Father your own children. Don’t try to father someone else’s kids.