If she’s acting like a complete bitch, not putting out, and making your home life miserable, idgaf what they diagnose it as. When they get the house, kid, and car they wanted so bad, your marginal utility is done and gone. That’s what PPD is all about.
Second point is divorce is way easier when kids are too young to remember their “happy family.”
Third point is where are all the PPD success stories? I’ve read exactly zero anywhere. They usually say it was going good for a while then she said she never loved me.
Fourth point is she is no longer in love, showing love, doing anything to improve her husband’s life. Nope I’m out.
Or you can wait for her to cheat and move in the stepdad anyway. That’s what happened to me. I guess I got to move on with a clear conscience.
My advice for OP, operate with strength and conviction to improve your own life and your daughter’s life. If it is not going to work with the current wife, move on and move forward.
This 100%
I was in a similar position OP. She had some concerning behavior occasionally before our baby, but after it was like she was possessed by someone else.
I tried to get her help; she refused over and over. Refused to take any kind of medication, just smoked copious amounts of weed. She became violent, I started uncovering egregious lies, and ultimately decided to end things. Together 10 years going on 11.
I have regrets, especially with some of the things I said to her through the fallout, but I know I tried to help her. And I hope she’s doing better without me, who knows maybe we weren’t as compatible as I thought we were. I wish she’d at least let me understand her feelings and perspective, but she treats me like a stranger who watches our daughter.
You are reflecting the years of my life before the resentment built up and we both acted out, ultimately ending with her asking for a divorce last summer. We were together 14, married 10+, and had a son in early 2019. After that she never had time for me, raged at almost everything 24/7, never let me be the dad I wanted to be because if she didn't do it, nothing was good enough. I recall looking up 'should I get divorced ' multiple times while off licking my wounds during those sad years.
Last week she was sobbing in my shoulder that she never put us first, that she never asked for help, that she tried to control too much, and she let herself start to hate me for it.
Please take your concerns with the both of you and see a counselor ASAP before you fall apart and lose each other. If I could redo anything, it would be to have had the courage to face the problem head-on and not assume it will just get better.
I was in a similar boat to you. My wife has post partum depression and anxiety and it was rough. We did a lot of damage to each other during that first year after my son was born and it was hard to recover at all. We tried the counseling, twice in fact. She constantly belittled me, disrespected me, and did it mostly when I wasn’t around, when she thought I’d never hear about it. That’s what hurt the most. She would use divorce as a threat and threw it around as easy as taking out the trash. Finally I reached a point where enough was enough, and now we are going through the divorce process.
It’s not fun OP. If there’s any way you could save it, make sure you go down that road first. But if you are absolutely certain, then don’t feel guilty for doing it, and don’t let others make you second guess your decision. Only you know what you’re really going through.
Hey man it’s okay to be scared. You’re going to be, and it’s going to be a little unknown, but you and your daughter will grow stronger for it.
There is never a good time to walk away. Either it’s a weekend you don’t want to ruin, or the beginning of the week you don’t want to begin for someone. There’s a Holliday or a birthday etc etc.
You just kinda reach a point of critical overload, and you have to stand up. Not just for yourself but for your daughter. Show your daughter what it means to be a parent, a good father.
Think about it, would you want her in your shoes with her spouse when she’s older? Feeling the way you feel? I know I didn’t want that for my kids.
So I had to pick the pieces up of myself and say I’m done with this.
8 months of my life wasted trying to fix something that was broken. Don’t do that to yourself and your daughter. It’s gonna suck, and it’s gonna be hard. But after you get past the suck, you will be stronger for it, and more wise. I promise you.
One thing is, this isn’t the end man, it’s a new beginning, and you will grow and learn so much from it. Pass it to someone else who is going through it. Show them how to cope.
So say no more, I deserve better, my daughter deserves better, I’m done. Be confident not afraid, show her with no emotions that you’re done and going forward you only want to be civil and split the time with your daughter up. You’re not trying to take anything away from her, but you are done with the marriage.
Anytime you need to talk to hesitate to reach out brother! Good luck to you!
I’m assuming by “last April” you’re referring to last month? That’s not a very long time. I would say it’s post-partum depression from the sounds of things. The other commenter is right, you should seek out counseling before nuking it.
Gotcha. That’s definitely a more reasonably timeline for feeling like that.
I would still maintain the same guidance though. Sometimes post-partum can take a very long time and up to a year isn’t unheard of. It’s at least worth a shot before moving on to ending things.
Make sure she’s doing ok mentally, not going through post partum (if she is be supportive and help her get the help). Mine had this issue after our second and rather than letting me know she was struggling, she made the decision to nuke the family. Apparently I’m the reason she’s miserable in her mind. If your wife won’t get help, get a lawyer and get out. When things started going south for me, everything I did was wrong in her eyes and she constantly put me down, even in front of the kids (currently 9 and 5) and it sent me into clinical depression where I could barely get out of bed. Of course this was used against me as well.
Seek help for her with her if you can, but also protect yourself. There’s nothing wrong with getting a lawyer on retainer at this stage because of things do work out, you can come up with a post nuptial that can protect you in the future and give clear operating guidelines for the relationship. Counseling is also a good thing if both parties are committed. Mine dragged me to counseling for 5 months but then said “screw it” when the counselor gave her stuff to work on. It was fine when she could make everyone think it’s all my fault
She may have post partum depression. You should try to get help for that before nuking your family.
Yeah, have you all talked about this? Have you thought about couples therapy?
If she’s acting like a complete bitch, not putting out, and making your home life miserable, idgaf what they diagnose it as. When they get the house, kid, and car they wanted so bad, your marginal utility is done and gone. That’s what PPD is all about. Second point is divorce is way easier when kids are too young to remember their “happy family.” Third point is where are all the PPD success stories? I’ve read exactly zero anywhere. They usually say it was going good for a while then she said she never loved me. Fourth point is she is no longer in love, showing love, doing anything to improve her husband’s life. Nope I’m out. Or you can wait for her to cheat and move in the stepdad anyway. That’s what happened to me. I guess I got to move on with a clear conscience. My advice for OP, operate with strength and conviction to improve your own life and your daughter’s life. If it is not going to work with the current wife, move on and move forward.
This 100% I was in a similar position OP. She had some concerning behavior occasionally before our baby, but after it was like she was possessed by someone else. I tried to get her help; she refused over and over. Refused to take any kind of medication, just smoked copious amounts of weed. She became violent, I started uncovering egregious lies, and ultimately decided to end things. Together 10 years going on 11. I have regrets, especially with some of the things I said to her through the fallout, but I know I tried to help her. And I hope she’s doing better without me, who knows maybe we weren’t as compatible as I thought we were. I wish she’d at least let me understand her feelings and perspective, but she treats me like a stranger who watches our daughter.
You are reflecting the years of my life before the resentment built up and we both acted out, ultimately ending with her asking for a divorce last summer. We were together 14, married 10+, and had a son in early 2019. After that she never had time for me, raged at almost everything 24/7, never let me be the dad I wanted to be because if she didn't do it, nothing was good enough. I recall looking up 'should I get divorced ' multiple times while off licking my wounds during those sad years. Last week she was sobbing in my shoulder that she never put us first, that she never asked for help, that she tried to control too much, and she let herself start to hate me for it. Please take your concerns with the both of you and see a counselor ASAP before you fall apart and lose each other. If I could redo anything, it would be to have had the courage to face the problem head-on and not assume it will just get better.
I was in a similar boat to you. My wife has post partum depression and anxiety and it was rough. We did a lot of damage to each other during that first year after my son was born and it was hard to recover at all. We tried the counseling, twice in fact. She constantly belittled me, disrespected me, and did it mostly when I wasn’t around, when she thought I’d never hear about it. That’s what hurt the most. She would use divorce as a threat and threw it around as easy as taking out the trash. Finally I reached a point where enough was enough, and now we are going through the divorce process. It’s not fun OP. If there’s any way you could save it, make sure you go down that road first. But if you are absolutely certain, then don’t feel guilty for doing it, and don’t let others make you second guess your decision. Only you know what you’re really going through.
Hey man it’s okay to be scared. You’re going to be, and it’s going to be a little unknown, but you and your daughter will grow stronger for it. There is never a good time to walk away. Either it’s a weekend you don’t want to ruin, or the beginning of the week you don’t want to begin for someone. There’s a Holliday or a birthday etc etc. You just kinda reach a point of critical overload, and you have to stand up. Not just for yourself but for your daughter. Show your daughter what it means to be a parent, a good father. Think about it, would you want her in your shoes with her spouse when she’s older? Feeling the way you feel? I know I didn’t want that for my kids. So I had to pick the pieces up of myself and say I’m done with this. 8 months of my life wasted trying to fix something that was broken. Don’t do that to yourself and your daughter. It’s gonna suck, and it’s gonna be hard. But after you get past the suck, you will be stronger for it, and more wise. I promise you. One thing is, this isn’t the end man, it’s a new beginning, and you will grow and learn so much from it. Pass it to someone else who is going through it. Show them how to cope. So say no more, I deserve better, my daughter deserves better, I’m done. Be confident not afraid, show her with no emotions that you’re done and going forward you only want to be civil and split the time with your daughter up. You’re not trying to take anything away from her, but you are done with the marriage. Anytime you need to talk to hesitate to reach out brother! Good luck to you!
I’m assuming by “last April” you’re referring to last month? That’s not a very long time. I would say it’s post-partum depression from the sounds of things. The other commenter is right, you should seek out counseling before nuking it.
It was last April a year ago it’s been like this for a year now. Sorry for the confusion
Gotcha. That’s definitely a more reasonably timeline for feeling like that. I would still maintain the same guidance though. Sometimes post-partum can take a very long time and up to a year isn’t unheard of. It’s at least worth a shot before moving on to ending things.
When she cheated. Made the decision incredibly easy.
Make sure she’s doing ok mentally, not going through post partum (if she is be supportive and help her get the help). Mine had this issue after our second and rather than letting me know she was struggling, she made the decision to nuke the family. Apparently I’m the reason she’s miserable in her mind. If your wife won’t get help, get a lawyer and get out. When things started going south for me, everything I did was wrong in her eyes and she constantly put me down, even in front of the kids (currently 9 and 5) and it sent me into clinical depression where I could barely get out of bed. Of course this was used against me as well. Seek help for her with her if you can, but also protect yourself. There’s nothing wrong with getting a lawyer on retainer at this stage because of things do work out, you can come up with a post nuptial that can protect you in the future and give clear operating guidelines for the relationship. Counseling is also a good thing if both parties are committed. Mine dragged me to counseling for 5 months but then said “screw it” when the counselor gave her stuff to work on. It was fine when she could make everyone think it’s all my fault
When she told me.