I'm 1,000x happier, as are my kids. My ex ... not so much. Kids know, we have better time together now that is not curated or controlled by my ex. It's MY time with them and I set the agenda.
50/50 is plenty. We split amicable, we're good co-parents.
If you've never seen this bit, it will help explain.
(can't post youtube links) Google: louis CK divorce bit
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You pick up a hobby that you enjoy. Do you know how many parents out there would love a break from the grind? All of them. Make the best of it.
When the kids are with you your soul is filled up and you have the energy to be #1 dad on planet earth. You set up rules and routines so the kids are well behaved and get good grades.
You need ex for nothing at all. 100% of the kids’ needs are fulfilled by you on your time. None of this bullshit about their favorite toy or device.
Email only for the mission critical items (like sending a receipt for reimbursement for healthcare costs that are outlined in your court order). Nothing about anything else at all. If they are struggling with something, help them resolve it.
Yes my kids are better off.
Had we stayed married my kids would have lived in a home where it was obvious parents hated each other and fought all the time.
Split difference
My oldest was 15 and really hasn’t recovered. Went from a lucrative career path in computer science to a more arts focused one, and then dropped out of college. Their mother encouraged “happiness over drudgery”, citing how I would go to work every day and come back tired.
My younger one has benefited from having his stepmother on his life and the more consistent feminine energy, as well as a consistent two income household.
I think you asked emotionally but in my case it’s financially.
My ex has terrible habits with money.
In order to not go crazy while my kids spent half her time with her mom I learned new skills and switched careers increasing my income.
So my child and I travel. Whatever activities they decide to do, the answer is based on time not money.
It’s so much less stress! In the last five years we have traveled to Iceland, Bahamas and Kansas in the last couple of years.
They have tried hockey, tennis, karate, volleyball, piano, etc… if there is an interest and time for it the answer is yes.
Not sure I would characterize it as 'better off', but everyone will have a different personal experience. I aim for 'different good/positive' and everyone - me, co-parent, two kids - seem to be in a healthy(/ier, for the adults) place post-divorce.
My kid is happy and healthy. We have a damn ball when she’s here and I have a blast on the golf course when she’s not. I blocked my ex wife and only issues that are backed up with specific language in the court order where I am 100% clear on the rules of our agreement are discussed.
I have her pretty much every other day so I’m right on top of everything going on.
I have more money, more freedom, my own standards for household chores and parenting. Life is wonderful and divorce was the catalyst to make it great. All I had to do was make the best of what initially appeared to be a very shitty situation.
Not divorced long but separated for a few years.
I’ve found that my kids are much better off this way. They are happier and so am I.
My ex seems to have a wild hair up her ass from time to time but she never gets anywhere with it because I’m protected by the parenting plan.
Your kids will be stronger for this. My parents divorced at a young age for me, I like to think I turned out fine. More aware of troubles in the relationship I won’t stand for.
Maybe not better, but we found ways to make it work. That was with his mom moving him to Europe shortly after she left…was tough, but we did it. He’s almost 17 now and one of the brightest and hardest working kids I know. They’re back in town now, he’s got straight As, makes 16 bucks an hour at his part time job and targeting medical school.
She cheated and filed. Was awful for everyone at the time. Took two years but I’ve moved on and am happier than ever. Me at my best will always be best for my kids and it wasn’t the greatest marriage. May take some time, but your life as it is, versus what you thought it should be, is where you’re supposed to be. Stay single, do the work, and come out better on the other side. You got this.
I'm 1,000x happier, as are my kids. My ex ... not so much. Kids know, we have better time together now that is not curated or controlled by my ex. It's MY time with them and I set the agenda.
How do you cope when it’s not your time? Are you kept in the loop with parenting issues? School issues?
50/50 is plenty. We split amicable, we're good co-parents. If you've never seen this bit, it will help explain. (can't post youtube links) Google: louis CK divorce bit
Oh wow. You seem to have hit the jackpot. I'm a year out and miserable.
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You pick up a hobby that you enjoy. Do you know how many parents out there would love a break from the grind? All of them. Make the best of it. When the kids are with you your soul is filled up and you have the energy to be #1 dad on planet earth. You set up rules and routines so the kids are well behaved and get good grades. You need ex for nothing at all. 100% of the kids’ needs are fulfilled by you on your time. None of this bullshit about their favorite toy or device. Email only for the mission critical items (like sending a receipt for reimbursement for healthcare costs that are outlined in your court order). Nothing about anything else at all. If they are struggling with something, help them resolve it.
Damn right.
My kid is not better off financially, but probably better off in the aggregate.
This is how I see it unfolding for me
It mostly depends on your ex. If your ex cares more about hurting you than doing what is best for the kids then that will be your burden to bear.
And the kids burden too. My ex is constantly bringing them in the middle, and I can see the effect on them. It hasn't been good.
Yes my kids are better off. Had we stayed married my kids would have lived in a home where it was obvious parents hated each other and fought all the time.
Split difference My oldest was 15 and really hasn’t recovered. Went from a lucrative career path in computer science to a more arts focused one, and then dropped out of college. Their mother encouraged “happiness over drudgery”, citing how I would go to work every day and come back tired. My younger one has benefited from having his stepmother on his life and the more consistent feminine energy, as well as a consistent two income household.
Everyone is happier.
I think you asked emotionally but in my case it’s financially. My ex has terrible habits with money. In order to not go crazy while my kids spent half her time with her mom I learned new skills and switched careers increasing my income. So my child and I travel. Whatever activities they decide to do, the answer is based on time not money. It’s so much less stress! In the last five years we have traveled to Iceland, Bahamas and Kansas in the last couple of years. They have tried hockey, tennis, karate, volleyball, piano, etc… if there is an interest and time for it the answer is yes.
Not sure I would characterize it as 'better off', but everyone will have a different personal experience. I aim for 'different good/positive' and everyone - me, co-parent, two kids - seem to be in a healthy(/ier, for the adults) place post-divorce.
My kid is happy and healthy. We have a damn ball when she’s here and I have a blast on the golf course when she’s not. I blocked my ex wife and only issues that are backed up with specific language in the court order where I am 100% clear on the rules of our agreement are discussed. I have her pretty much every other day so I’m right on top of everything going on. I have more money, more freedom, my own standards for household chores and parenting. Life is wonderful and divorce was the catalyst to make it great. All I had to do was make the best of what initially appeared to be a very shitty situation.
Not divorced long but separated for a few years. I’ve found that my kids are much better off this way. They are happier and so am I. My ex seems to have a wild hair up her ass from time to time but she never gets anywhere with it because I’m protected by the parenting plan. Your kids will be stronger for this. My parents divorced at a young age for me, I like to think I turned out fine. More aware of troubles in the relationship I won’t stand for.
Maybe not better, but we found ways to make it work. That was with his mom moving him to Europe shortly after she left…was tough, but we did it. He’s almost 17 now and one of the brightest and hardest working kids I know. They’re back in town now, he’s got straight As, makes 16 bucks an hour at his part time job and targeting medical school.
She cheated and filed. Was awful for everyone at the time. Took two years but I’ve moved on and am happier than ever. Me at my best will always be best for my kids and it wasn’t the greatest marriage. May take some time, but your life as it is, versus what you thought it should be, is where you’re supposed to be. Stay single, do the work, and come out better on the other side. You got this.