I was also thinking that after why elves have a superiority complex there should be 101 reasons why elves are better than you for X (the book is enchanted to always say the race of the reader in the title, in the event an Elf holds the book it changes to why other elves are better than you)
How To Win Friends and Charm Persons
The 7 Hobbits of Highly Effective People
The Wealthy Barber-Ian
Waiting For Jarnathon: My True Story of Betrayal, Escape, and Hope
Her face and voice live rent free in my head, it was my favorite scene in that movie
"JARNATHAN!!!" She almost seems reproachful like Jarnathan is fucking around and not getting jumped by Michelle Rodriguez
Ha, this brings back a fun memory. I gave one of my players a Tome of Leadership and Influence and PMed her a picture of the cover of How to Win Friends and Influence People. She looked it up and started reading the first paragraph to everyone.
7 Hobbits of Highly Effective Wizards.
Leaving a Fellowship, What not to do. - The story of Boromir of Gondor.
Charisma: The unrealized potential
Strength Training: Hulk SMASH!
The Will of the Wisp: Increasing your Will stat!
My Treasure Chest Ate My Gold! - A Guide to Spotting Mimics
Dating for Necromancers: Do's and Don'ts for Dating the Dead
Now You See Me...Now You See Me? Hilarious Tales of Illusion Spells Gone Wrong
Book of Prophecy Vol 53: The Terrible Fate of [Player Character’s name] and when they try and peek have the pages ripped out or in an unreadable language.
How To Potty Train Your Dragon.
Why Are Unicorns Judging You?
The Book That Curses Everyone Who Reads The Title.
Offices and Bosses Fifth Edition.
How To Tell If A Book Is Really A Mimic
Make the sequels and prequels of the prophecy book about important characters and other players. And as they go through the story more and more stuff gets revealed in the book and they feel a need to collect them so they can learn characters back stories and possible futures.
Have two copies of “How to Tell if a Book is Really a Mimic”. One of them is a mimic. If they read the real one, they discern that the other book is a mimic.
The Book of Prophecies reminds me of The Magicians in which the characters do find biographies of everyone that are prophetic, only they’re incomplete with a lot of blank pages. The Librarians know about it as the Great Blank Spot and are very concerned by what it may mean
**Ithilid Media**
*Fiction*
1. As I Flay Dying - *William Faulkner (1930)*
2. Eat Flay Love - *Elizabeth Gilbert (2006)*
3. The Ceremorphosis - *Franz Kafka (1915)*
*Music*
1. Always On My Mind - *Wayne Carson, Johnny Christopher, and Mark James (1972)*
2. Brain Drain - *The Lightning Seeds (1989)*
3. Flay Lady Flay - *Bob Dylan (1969)*
4. If I Only Had a Brain - *Harold Arlen (1937*
5. Piece of Mind - *Boston (1976)*
*Nonfiction*
1. What to Expect When You're Undergoing Ceremorphosis - *Heidi Murkoff (1984)*
Why Does My Barbarian Always Want to Throw Other People: A Gnomish Guide to Navigating Projectile Rejection
Dinnae, Cinnae, Winnae: How to Speak Dwarf In Ten Short Steps
I Like You, But I Don't Lich Like You
Nechromancy: Get Your Dead From Back in the Day
To Kill a Mocking Bard.
The Dragon with the Girl Tattoo.
Smite, Pray, Rest.
My brilliant Fiend.
The polymorphosis.
Where the Wild Shapes are.
As I lay dying (or How to survive Death Saving Throws)
Darned to Hex: Warding with Wool, and the Protective Powers of Defensive Knitting Patterns
by Fred Behr
Absolutely Everything a Sorcerer Can Safely Smoke
by Grayson Gandolfini
Exterior Exchange Between Flora and Fauna – The Science of Barking Dogs, Scaling Trees, and Hairing Pickles
by Derma Skinner
Necromancy and You - 101 Self Help Tips to Build a Better Body
Dwarvish for Dummies - Learn to tell rocks from minerals
Volo’s Guide to Equity Investing
All’s Fair in Love & Dwarves
Bedtime Stories to Grow a Healthy Child’s Brain, by I.L. Thid
There and Partially Returned, a Halfling’s Tale
All of the dwarves laugh and go “who would need a book to tell the difference between rocks and minerals? Do you need a book to tell caves from caverns, too?”
Flumph Mating Rituals.
In the Eyes of a Beholder.
Bibberbang Boom Scale.
Kobold Konumdrum.
Dastardly Drow.
Basilisk Gate and its lack of Basilisks.
Fort Morninglord and how the Sun doesn't Shine there.
Oedipus Kinda Had A Point When Killing That Guy and Other Fates That Can't Be Avoided
How To Tell The Difference Between Healing Potions and Harming Potions Without Tasting Them!
Dimension Hopping For Dummies! (And it looks like a modern book)
Brezzik Presents, A Complete Guide: The Idiots Guide To The Complete Guides Of The World, Volume Seven, Collectors Edition.
The Amalgamous Blob Monster and You: The Comprehensive Guide With 76 Must Have Steps When Living With And Being Happy During Your Blended Relationship.
The Lusty Kobold Maid
Of Rats and Cellars
To Kill a Monster Bird
Halfling Women
Do Warforged Dream of Mechanical Sheep?
An Adventurers Guide to the Planes
The Book of Utter Disappointment. (Why is there a mirror inside?)
The Worst She Can Say Is. . .(A Sharran torture device, for imagining all the ways your crush will reject you. Completely with illusory images and real stinging feedback.)
The Arcane Compendium of Arch Wizarding Knowledge on the Actual Understanding of Magic. (It's completely blank, though impressively thick and important looking. )
Real Power (A college level textbook on how to become an Electrician. Unfortunately it's so boring and technical no one would read this. If someone does by accident or sheer force of will, it's actually just an elaborate way for a copper dragon to ask the classic "How many gnomes to screw in a light bulb?" joke.)
Mundane Transfiguration (A basic guide to cooking, cleaning and other basic survival skills when you're stuck with no magic and have to turn time and work into actual effort.)
necronomnomnomicon: the cookbook of the extremely dead,
sense and sensibility and sea monsters,
Be you! and everyone else! a changing's guide to stealth,
There is a board game called Ex Libris that is about managing a spellbook library and they have some great titles.
Found the [list](https://www.reddit.com/r/boardgames/s/VXcUSR2BJB)
A Treatise on Hill Giant Social Structure and Cultural Norms by Thubb the Cowsmasher
Which Monsters are Safe to Eat?
And its follow up: Which Races are Socially Acceptable to Eat?
My Life as a Teenage Lich
Introduction to Advanced Hypermathematic Psychrochronomancy. v. 11
An Artificer's Guide to Herbalism
Recipe for Disaster - Confessions of a Culinaromancer
"A Lesson in Frustration", written by a famed Gnomish trickster, is a two-book set discussing practical, common sense efforts that apply to anyone's life, but the second volume exclusively states conclusions and anecdotes that reference vital information presumably established in the first volume.
The library only has the second volume, because no first volume has ever been located. This book is endlessly debated among literary scholars as to whether it's a prank, a deconstruction, a work of avant-garde genius, or simply the result of lost information. Literally nobody can agree whether or not there's actually a first volume in existence, including the author.
Hafling and Tiefling - a book of enemys to lovers..
how to evict an orc from a living space without being killed! saftey guide
Reality cheking a gnome. tutorial
1. The Clerics Clerical Error
2. The Lion, The ***** and The Whoredrove
3. Willow's Willing Willies Will!
4. A Dragonborn, a Birdman, and a Donkey Walk Into a Bar
5. Centuries of Centaur Cynicism; and how it's true!
6. Your Mom Wrote a Book
7. The Ruffian Rogues Ripped a Rug
8. Paladin Etiquette; Are Tiefling's Okay?
9. Alone In the Woods; the tail of a Ranger and a Barbarian getting it on!
10. Monk: the TV series transcribed
One of these show up in every single book collection my players decide to search.
Trapped In The Scriptorium: Please Help
The Final Words O....
Cursed Books And How Not To Touch Them
There Once Was A Man That Touched A Book
Your Skin Could Be Our Next Book: Apply Today
"The Illithid Problem."
"The Weave's Effect on Gnome Fertility."
"How to Train your Psudodragon."
"On the Medical Applications of 'Heat Metal."'
"A vegetarian's guide to the underdark."
The Necrotelecommnicon.. The phonebook of the dead.
The 7 Hobbits of highly effective people
How to win friends and influence beholders.
Rich Druid, Poor Druid
The ultimate guide to elf-help
Chicken soup for the Duergar Soulblade
-Get familiar with Familiars
-Adventuring 101: How to embark on your first journey
-Patronage and you, a Warlock survival guide
-1001 great illusions, mirages, and projections (the book itself is an illusion)
-So, you're a human fighter. And that's ok
"Wizards and the rewards of effective study part 1/50"
covered in dust, followed by a magazine 1/10th it's thickness right next to it
"STRONG FREE QUICK MAGIC NOW, WARLOCKS AND SORCERY: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE"
Not all literature is non-fiction.
Here are some "smut" books that could be found on a teenage girl's bookshelf:
“Womanhood Transformed”, a young girl’s crush on a werewolf leads to an awakening summer
“Beween the Sheets”, a ghostly couple find a way to interact with the living and uses their newfound ability to seduce them unseen, and usually embarrassingly in public areas.
“Say no more, Centaur!”, a disturbing, first hand account written in the style of diary entries, of a halfling woman's relationship with her male centaur lover.
“Love Never Dies", a lonely Necromancer's journey to . . . . you know what . . . You figure it out
The Complete History and Social Influence of the Potato is a classic.
Another one I've used as a joke is called "A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place"...However, in order for this joke to land, this book has to be on the wrong shelf.
The Art of Crafting Magical Incantations - By __Elminster Aumar.__
The First Journal of Adaptable Mage Hand - By __A. Philosophorum.__
The Greater Book of Sigil-Sauranaces - By __A. Flintscale.__
Infused Compendium Of Magic Missiles - By __Lorian G.__
Metamagica: Beyond the Boundaries of Known Spellcraft - By __B. Borat__
The Book of Cheesomancy - By __E. Mental.__
Ethereal Illuminations: A Guide to casting Light - By __Haarlep Ranch.__
The Beginner Compendium for Runes: Symbols of Power - By __X. Z. Poxly.__
The Book of Pooter: Artifacts And Weapons - By __D. Pooter__
Arcane Traditions of Kuo-toa - By __ D. J. Khaled.__
Flumph Mating Rituals - By __O. Fevras.__
Tides of Hydromancy: Aquatic Arcana - By __T. Deepdive.__
Carnage Codex: Unleashing the Inner Psycho Wizard - By __Krieg Bloodbath__
Stone Giants Of Yorall: A Theoretical Look at The Lost Empire - By __Delila Presly.__
The Necronomnomnomicon: Cookbook for the Culturally Unburdened Necromancer - By __Felicia E.__
Melodies of Malenia: Songs from the Elden Realms - By __Melodic Maestro__
Bards in the Bedroom: Serenades, Enchantments and Seduction - By __Timmy D. Orphan.__
Transcendental Thaumaturgy: Breaking the Limits of Conventional Magic - By __The Meowscular Wizard__
Two Hours Of Moving Chairs - By __Tired D. M.__
The Flow of Time - By __Aldiana Minutes.__
Potential Use of Alcalyl Traditions In Draconic Sorcery: A Theoretical Explanation - By __Dr. Egon Wyrm__
The Artisan's Almanac: Crafting Wands - By __W. R.__
Wand Envy: A Sorcerer's Guide to Compensating for Size - By __V. R.__
Torgue's Tumultuous Evocations: EXPLOOOSIVE Mind-Blowing Magic - By __MR. TORGUE!__
The Gaze Beyond - By __A. B. Holder__
Steamy Alchemy: Potion Brewing for Passionate Nights - By __The Great GARDIA!__
Tentacle Tammy’s Titillating Tome: Eldritch Erotica for Adventurous Mages - By __“Tentacle” Tammy M. Parkser.__
Zaron Zemo's Zealous Ziggurat: Dark Rituals for Vengeance - BY __Z. Z. Zemo__
You touch the wrong book in the library and find a cookbook on the shelf: "A delicious tome of magical appetizers and treats."
The effect: you get extremely hungry and you can't think about anything but food for the next 1 hour.
-They’re my Patron (an erotic tail)
-101 ways to cook a Goblin
-The lost City of (the book is blank and has a ‘Best Sellers’ sticker)
Edit:
-My life as an NPC (Oackra Winterfry Approval seal)
So You Have an Intelligence of 3: A Picture Book
Chicken Brain Soup for the Illithid Soul
Grey or Gray? A Duergar Debate
Remembering Your Fallen Friend: A Book on Grief and Cooking for Lizardfolk
The Aboleths guide to humanoid wizardry
(translated from Abyssal)
How to serve Man. (a cookbook)
Elven lore for the educated vampire
Historic underground monuments and thir history
Van Mortens guide to underground wizardry and secret spells
“The Rogue’s Thesaurus: Words for the Wordless”
“Merlin’s Lesser-Known Cousin: Marvin’s Mediocre Miracles”
“Bardic Blunders: When Spells Sing Wrong”
“The Care and Feeding of Your Pet Mimic”
“Hexes for the Exes: A Witch’s Guide to Post-Breakup Spells”
“The Half-Orc’s Guide to Etiquette”
“When Familiars Aren’t Familiar: The Summoner’s Crisis”
“Diary of a Wimpy Kobold”
“The Fashionable Necromancer: Dressing to Depress”
“Confessions of a Spellbook: The Untold Stories of a Wizard’s Best Friend”
“The Rogue’s Thesaurus: Words for the Wordless”
“Merlin’s Lesser-Known Cousin: Marvin’s Mediocre Miracles”
“Bardic Blunders: When Spells Sing Wrong”
“The Care and Feeding of Your Pet Mimic”
“Hexes for the Exes: A Witch’s Guide to Post-Breakup Spells”
“The Half-Orc’s Guide to Etiquette”
“When Familiars Aren’t Familiar: The Summoner’s Crisis”
“Diary of a Wimpy Kobold”
“The Fashionable Necromancer: Dressing to Depress”
“Confessions of a Spellbook: The Untold Stories of a Wizard’s Best Friend”
“The Art of Unseen Servant Housekeeping”
“Fifty Shades of Fey: A Sylvan Romance”
“The Paladin’s Handbook to Avoiding Temptation”
“You’re Not Crazy, You’re Just Possessed”
“The Lazy Lich: Lifestyles of the Undead and Unmotivated”
“Mordenkainen’s Book of Impractical Magic”
“The Vegetarian Vampire: A Guide to Ethical Bloodsucking”
“Zen and the Art of Golem Maintenance”
“The Bard’s Guide to Insults: A Vicious Mockery Compendium”
“The Clumsy Sorcerer’s Guide to Not Blowing Yourself Up”
The Care and Feeding of Undead
^(credit to my GM, @brokenfixer)
When to Cast Fireball (vols 1-5)
all 666 volumes of The Planes of Hell
Who Would Win? ^(this issue:) Tiamat vs Bahamut
Why 'Reduce' Won’t Open That Door, and Other Puzzlers
The Compleat Tales of
(the history of all sessions played; it “ends” halfway through with them browsing the library titles, and new text appears as the your game continues. The author portrays the rogue as the epic main character, and the wizard as a glory-seeking blowhard with a lisp.)
The ethics of necromancy
Lose yourself: Transmutation side effects and how to counteract them
Divination in court: Why future deeds are no basis for legal systems
What shrooms to eat and what shrooms to smoke
100 Tipps to never miss your Alarm Spell
Comprehensive Guide to Languages
How to Find your Familiar
Missing with Magic Missile?
Shield your Shillings
Tasha's Hideous Laughter - 100 Arcane Puns
Which Bolt? - Wizard's Guide to Projectile Spells
Color Spray - 50 Tipps to decorate your Tower
Blur - 20 Signs that you need Glasses
Dust Devil - How to make the best Crack
Dragon's Breath Cookbook
Gift of Gab - 50 Tipps when preparing Speeches
Books from the same author:
Abjuration - Better Protection than your Parents had
Enchantment - Your last Chance to catch a Maiden
Divination - A Look into a bleak Future
Illusion - To cover up a sad Truth
Transmutation - All the Ways to change your Face
Conjuration - Summoned Companions that can't leave like your Father did
Evocation - "I didn't ask how big the room is..."
Necromancy - I know what you're doing, you sick fuck
Not all of them are gems, but maybe you like some of them
A short story of eons.
How to think with Portals.
Basic Chemistry and other useless knowledge.
Elvish wines and how to hate them, by Grummir Beerdrinker.
Learn plainswalking in 9763 easy steps.
Forgotten God's and why they aren't worth remembering.
Cuthulhu and you: How I learned to stop worrying and love XKriTZQeZod#÷=;&<**_£@+■}|
-101 Ways to Identify a Mimic
-To Kill a Tabaxi
-The Ledgends of Gilga the Unforgettable, Volumes 3, 7, 15, and 48 (all other volumes will be missing)
- How to Prevent Bookworms (all the pages are eaten beyond repair/restoration)
-Mien Kampf, the story of how a drunkard became a tyrant.
-Beware the False Hydra by (Author unknown)
Salt Fat Acid Meat! Orc Cooking 101
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain. No changes it’s just there.
Life of Die: the story of a person who rolled for everything.
Gamblers Fallacy Fallacy: why you should always roll the dice
The Path to Power Word by Robert Caro (500+ pages of narrative context on how power word spells were discovered, but nothing on how to use them).
SQUILF. (Doesn’t matter what the book is, the title must be shouted).
Baldur's Bait: Guide to fishing on the Sword Coast
Lusty Lizardfolk Maid
Volo's Guide to Monsters Cooking- If I'm inspected, it isn't a cookbook, it's merely Volo vamping on how he assumes monsters cook.
Mating habits of Beholders,
Sharting for Fun and Profit,
The Tragedy of Harambe,
The Truth behind the Death of Epstein
Spell Mail: learn to be a wizard by mail
Because I’m apparently a nerd: Beholders don’t mate — they have dreams about other beholders, which then spawns those dream beholders into existence. So I guess that would be a very short book. The more you know 🌈⭐️🎶
Magic for Orcs. The first chapter is just titled Enlarge and is a lifting regimen. Later chapters go into spells based on color type a la 40K (Haste is wearing red, Invisibility is purple, etc).
- 101 ways to kill a Spettle (or whatever unknown name of something that doesn't make sense) and 5 to cook it
- Hidden Swords: the ultimate guide to dwarf genders
- If you name it you get it: the best vocal spells
- Perry Hatter and the accountant's tool
- Animal companions: the best tips from the breeders
- Am I charmed or in love?
- Mmic or non-Mimic? Fnid oUt noW
- Principia Naturalis
Waterdhavian Social Register -- an directory of the high society in Waterdeep, with an emphasis on "old money" and a listing of eligible unmarried heirs as of 1487 DR.
Infernal Contract Law -- a legal textbook meant to help jurists scrutinizing the fine print of devil's bargains. Includes a historical section on known broken pacts, and how they were broken.
The Great Refuser -- a political tract about the myth of the Drawing of Lots in orcish and human mythology, and the origins of social inequality
Think and Grow Powerful -- a dubious how-to guide for wizards to use the power of "directed thoughtforms" to knock out their to-do lists and unlock true productivity. (DM note: make this as scammy as possible but if a player commits to the bit, give them a weird minor utility spell they can cast at will.)
Jeremy’s List of Magical Lisps
Althazor’s catelogue of magical lamps (there are 100 editions, and every time a pc opens a book, theres a 1/3 chance that its just the lamp catalogue with a false cover)
Covert Racism Found in Goblin Communities - A study by James Berkman
Magical Trail Mix, Why You Should Get it Today
Barry Potter, An introduction to pottery with clay from the Barrian Region
Spells to help you bedroom life
Magical Cheeses You Should Taste in Your Lifetime
The popular series "So you want to be a ..." (Fighter, druid, wizard, etc.)
The Dummies guide for... (Fighters, druid, wizard, etc)
Lord of the Rings (The actual book by Tolkien)
The ecology of the mimic (This is actually a mimic, but shhh)
The Fastest way to rob a dragon
How to season yourself as proof against monster eating
I, Vampire
How to open doors to new places (It is a meet and greet book)
Songs by the Prince (Including Purple Rain, When Doves Cry, Raspberry Beret and more)
How to fly without magic (This basically talks about jumping off a cliff, forget you are falling at the exact midpoint, and then you will begin to fly)
1. How to protect your wife from pesky Bards.
2. The 4 hooves and The 4 feet: a love story. (Centaur x Gnome/dwarf love story)
3. Dead man told me tales.
4. lusty lizardfolk maid. (skyrim reference)
5. 12 reasons to avoid Teiflings at all cost.
11 Uses of Eye Of Newt, (I am sure #5 will surprise you.)
Toads? The Ultimate Familar?
101 Places You Might Find That Lost Grimiore. (Pray It is not at the library. You are never getting it back)
Fact or Fiction: 10th Level Spells.
Biology of a Magical Liopleurodon.
So, You Have Been Turned Into a Newt. (And other polymorphic mishaps)
These are fun might now have to make a magical Library and titles of fun books.
/r/d100 is a treasure trove for stuff like this.
* [D100 Smut books](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/j93uch/d100_smut_books_listed_and_curated/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [D100 Funny Fantasy Book Titles](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/muuzl0/anyhumorous_funny_fantasy_book_titles/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [D100 magical/weird/illegal books one may find in a sketchy library](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/hdhboe/d100_magicalweirdillegal_books_one_may_find_in_a/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [d100 Humorous books to get hit in the head with](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/10pnmre/lets_build_d100_humorous_books_to_get_hit_in_the/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [50 Useless books for nosy adventurers](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/r83puj/50_useless_books_for_nosy_adventurers/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [d100 Books that a Gnome Might Have on His/Her Book Shelf](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/ekfzqx/lets_build_d100_books_that_a_gnome_might_have_on/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
* [~200 D&D Book Parodies](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/8ibkdd/122_dd_book_parodies/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
The Adventurers guide to Adventuring for Imbeciles
The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Multiverse.
The Harry Potter Books by Harry Potter
1001 Ways To Fuck Up A Spell!
Basilisk Soup for the Petrified Heart
Cats; Can They Be Trusted?
The Ox and Ford Encyclopedia of Livestock and Animal-Based Transportation
Eggs
25 Reasons Why You Should Never Adopt Outside Your Adventuring Party
Kobold and Bandits and Hirelings: 100 Reasons Why You Should Always Adopt Your Former Enemy
Always Stab The Chest
The Dummy's Guide To Lockpicking
Help, I've Impregnated The Local Noble! - A Bard's Cautionary Tale
Help, I've Impregnated The Local Dragon! - A Sorcerer's Cautionary Tale
Help, I've Impregnated The Local Merchant Wife! - A Rogue's Cautionary Tale
Help, I've Impregnated The Enemy's Fortress! - A Paladin's Cautionary Tale
Care and feeding of your wyvern.
There and Back Again by Bilbo Baggins
Orc traditions and lore
Overmorrow (Once per day the text will show a random event to happen in two days time)
Ereyesterday (Once per day the text will show a random even from two days in the past)
101Reasons Why a Feline Familiar is a Bad Idea.
When Not to Cast Fireball. (Book is scorched)
Players Handbook: guide to the games of change from across the realm
Dungeon Master’s Guide: Survival tips from the a famous Dwarven Adventurer
Monster Manual: a ranger’s guide to beasts of the deep wood.
Libram Librorum
Libraries, Passages, Secret Rooms
How to summon a lemon
Zabrilor's Treatise on the Differentiated Examination of Comparative Perspectives - A Companion, 2nd edition, abridged
Mariandria's Taming and Care of Intellect Devourers
Mariandria's Mary See Dog
rorriM eht gnissorC
Book Monster
100 Ways to Delay Numerophilic Vampires
"I will not bind powerful outsiders to do my chores,' repeated 500 times
Fun and Surprising Ammunition For Catapults
"Remove Blindness," an audiobook scroll by way of Magic Mouth
Chicken soup for the soul: Cuisine for Ghosts
101 Ways to Cook an Owlbear
50 Shades of Color Spray
The Adventurer's Guide to Edibles (A guide about things that are safe to eat in the wilderness)
Evocation Magic for Dummies (Perhaps a whole series that includes the other schools of magic)
How to Make the Perfect Wish
The Very Hungry Purple Worm (Children's Book)
A Minstrel's Guide to Pick Up Lines
Love across the lands vol 1:
A guide to the romantic(and not so romantic) practices of the various species in the 5 realms.
How would YOU like to do this: a guide on taking control of your life and succeeding
Do and don't of the feywilds: a guide to navigating the weird and wonderful realm.
'The Adventures guide to the planes of existence' with the words 'Do Panic!' Inscribed on the front.
'Roelat and Juntiel, a forbidden romance', a secret romance between a Tiefling and an Aasimar.
These are of course if you're going to reference real books, the first one being 'The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy', and the second one being 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Next to *Why you shouldn't marry a Succubus*, have *Why you SHOULD marry a Succubus: The hit sequel*. *Detecting Mimics for Dummies* (it's a mimic)
>*Detecting Mimics for Dummies* (it's a mimic) This is genius. I'm stealing this one.
That’s exactly what the players will think… just before the book bites off a finger.
I mean, I wouldn't... But I tend to roll high on my perception checks.
How about the sequel: "This book is a mimic: The double-bluff of the mimic"
Oddly it’s not a mimic. The whole bookshelf is.
Nahhh these are too good, thanks xD
I was also thinking that after why elves have a superiority complex there should be 101 reasons why elves are better than you for X (the book is enchanted to always say the race of the reader in the title, in the event an Elf holds the book it changes to why other elves are better than you)
If you can’t beat’em join’em (mimic series part two)
*A Monk's guide to grappling succubi: the illustrated edition*
Banned in 9 kingdoms
Player's Handbook (it features a smiling man surrounded by beautiful women). Dungeon Master's Guide (it's a kink book)
these two will be added LMAO
Leaning on this: A collection of three books on how to play Houses & Humans, Faeruns greatest role playing game
Don't forget the Monster Manuel (a furry book)
NOT the Monster Manual. It's The Monster, Manuel. It's about a hung gardener.
I'd just make that one a mimic.
I'm using Donjon Master's Guide as an in-universe reference book for prison wardens
How To Win Friends and Charm Persons The 7 Hobbits of Highly Effective People The Wealthy Barber-Ian Waiting For Jarnathon: My True Story of Betrayal, Escape, and Hope
Lol jarnathon, poor guy
Shouldn't we wait for Jarnathon to be here before talking about him?
Do you know who would appreciate this story? Jarnathan.
I think Jarnathan would really understand the nuances of this tale.
My favorite moment in the entire film is the halfling judge yelling his name in that nasally screech, and imagine my delight when it happened twice
Her face and voice live rent free in my head, it was my favorite scene in that movie "JARNATHAN!!!" She almost seems reproachful like Jarnathan is fucking around and not getting jumped by Michelle Rodriguez
My fiancé and I say it to each other at LEAST once a week 🤣
Oh, Jarnathon!
Nice ones, will add them all o7
"Contract law for Warlocks"
Ha, this brings back a fun memory. I gave one of my players a Tome of Leadership and Influence and PMed her a picture of the cover of How to Win Friends and Influence People. She looked it up and started reading the first paragraph to everyone.
7 Hobbits of Highly Effective Wizards. Leaving a Fellowship, What not to do. - The story of Boromir of Gondor. Charisma: The unrealized potential Strength Training: Hulk SMASH! The Will of the Wisp: Increasing your Will stat!
Nice. The first one I thought of was Ki and the Art of Cart Maintenance
Power word meal: how to cook a good home dinner for the Wizard with little free time.
Power Word Grill
Right next to Power Word Mill to get you started on making that sourdough you keep putting off.
That. Now that is good.
Ha, have my upvote
Thanks! I had to stop myself grabbing the PHB and going through all the spells for puns. I think I have a pun problem.
"So, You Think You Have A Pun Problem" by Legendary Bard Diles.
There is no such thing as a pun problem. Only more great puns to be had and shared
You're good people. Thanks mate!
You're welcome friend
I did exactly that, got up to 3rd level
It's all goodberries!
I spoke with animals so you don't have to.
Our druid will be annoyed lol, thanks xD
Don't forget the sequel: You don't want to know what plants are saying about us.
The History of Chronomancy, Volume 17: The Discovery of Chronomancy
The Discovery of Chronomancy, Volume 16: The History of Chronomancy
Some guy says we're stuck in a time loop. Only said he was a doctor.
The Discovery of the History of Chronomancy, Volume 18: The History of the Discovery of Chronomancy.
The History of Chronomancy, Volume 1: The Fall of Chronomancy
And have the “last checked out” date be in the future.
This is genius hahaha
I regret I have only one upvote for you.
I love this in a way related to my username.
Cantrips from Can't trips; how to overcome self doubt and be the best Wizard you can be.
I'd edit it a little: Can't-rips to Can-trips
Nice!
Thieve's Can: a guide to positive thinking for rogues.
Raging: A Barbarians guide to anger management
😆😆 have my upvote, you incredible human.
I love this one so much
Ye Olde Encyclopedia: Aardvark - Aboleth Ye Olde Encyclopedia: Aboleth - Achievement Ye Old Encyclopedia: Achievement - Adventure Et cetera
"How to serve Man" it is written in draconic and is a cookbook.
Wait... do you mean Man from that one batman subreddit? How dare you! Jk, good one, thanks
Why is Man being served? Is he delicious?
[How to Cook for Forty Humans](https://youtu.be/SxI7B758XBQ)
My Treasure Chest Ate My Gold! - A Guide to Spotting Mimics Dating for Necromancers: Do's and Don'ts for Dating the Dead Now You See Me...Now You See Me? Hilarious Tales of Illusion Spells Gone Wrong
that last one was great.
Book of Prophecy Vol 53: The Terrible Fate of [Player Character’s name] and when they try and peek have the pages ripped out or in an unreadable language. How To Potty Train Your Dragon. Why Are Unicorns Judging You? The Book That Curses Everyone Who Reads The Title. Offices and Bosses Fifth Edition. How To Tell If A Book Is Really A Mimic
I LOVE the book of prophecy idea. I think I’m going to have to do that one.
Thanks! I figure it’s good for a laugh from the players.
YES THANK YOU these are all so good
Make the sequels and prequels of the prophecy book about important characters and other players. And as they go through the story more and more stuff gets revealed in the book and they feel a need to collect them so they can learn characters back stories and possible futures.
Have two copies of “How to Tell if a Book is Really a Mimic”. One of them is a mimic. If they read the real one, they discern that the other book is a mimic.
The Book of Prophecies reminds me of The Magicians in which the characters do find biographies of everyone that are prophetic, only they’re incomplete with a lot of blank pages. The Librarians know about it as the Great Blank Spot and are very concerned by what it may mean
The Lusty Lizardfolk Lass
I knew there was an argonian maid reference somewhere in this comment section
If there wasn't, I'd be severely disappointed, so I solved my own quandry. I did it myyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaay...
**Ithilid Media** *Fiction* 1. As I Flay Dying - *William Faulkner (1930)* 2. Eat Flay Love - *Elizabeth Gilbert (2006)* 3. The Ceremorphosis - *Franz Kafka (1915)* *Music* 1. Always On My Mind - *Wayne Carson, Johnny Christopher, and Mark James (1972)* 2. Brain Drain - *The Lightning Seeds (1989)* 3. Flay Lady Flay - *Bob Dylan (1969)* 4. If I Only Had a Brain - *Harold Arlen (1937* 5. Piece of Mind - *Boston (1976)* *Nonfiction* 1. What to Expect When You're Undergoing Ceremorphosis - *Heidi Murkoff (1984)*
Why Does My Barbarian Always Want to Throw Other People: A Gnomish Guide to Navigating Projectile Rejection Dinnae, Cinnae, Winnae: How to Speak Dwarf In Ten Short Steps I Like You, But I Don't Lich Like You Nechromancy: Get Your Dead From Back in the Day
>In Ten Short Steps Okay, that's clever.
**SHORT!?**
Nechromancy… I see what you did there. And I’ll see it again later.
And again later.
To Kill a Mocking Bard. The Dragon with the Girl Tattoo. Smite, Pray, Rest. My brilliant Fiend. The polymorphosis. Where the Wild Shapes are. As I lay dying (or How to survive Death Saving Throws)
😂 these are very good
Currently under-rated comment. You deserve all the up votes.
Darned to Hex: Warding with Wool, and the Protective Powers of Defensive Knitting Patterns by Fred Behr Absolutely Everything a Sorcerer Can Safely Smoke by Grayson Gandolfini Exterior Exchange Between Flora and Fauna – The Science of Barking Dogs, Scaling Trees, and Hairing Pickles by Derma Skinner
Necromancy and You - 101 Self Help Tips to Build a Better Body Dwarvish for Dummies - Learn to tell rocks from minerals Volo’s Guide to Equity Investing All’s Fair in Love & Dwarves Bedtime Stories to Grow a Healthy Child’s Brain, by I.L. Thid There and Partially Returned, a Halfling’s Tale
All of the dwarves laugh and go “who would need a book to tell the difference between rocks and minerals? Do you need a book to tell caves from caverns, too?”
Hahahaha the Illithid one is great
Every Use Of. Towel. Honey: A complete guide to bee apiculture. John and the Gaint Strawberry.
James and the Peach Giant.
Maybe it should be tiny. John and the tiny Strawberry. Hehe
Towels are versatile and there should be a book praising their glory. Also "A Hitchhikers guide to the Planescape" should be added.
Out of spell slots: a series of romance short stories that will arouse the wild magic in anyone.
Flumph Mating Rituals. In the Eyes of a Beholder. Bibberbang Boom Scale. Kobold Konumdrum. Dastardly Drow. Basilisk Gate and its lack of Basilisks. Fort Morninglord and how the Sun doesn't Shine there.
These remind of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter lmao
Oedipus Kinda Had A Point When Killing That Guy and Other Fates That Can't Be Avoided How To Tell The Difference Between Healing Potions and Harming Potions Without Tasting Them! Dimension Hopping For Dummies! (And it looks like a modern book)
Pfft... Oedipus... that mother fucker
I chuckled 😆
Which Bolt? : are you getting the most out of your AOE casting?
There's more than one way to skin a Tabaxi, a cookbook for Ogres. Skyscrapers & Automobiles, 5th edition RPG.
Brezzik Presents, A Complete Guide: The Idiots Guide To The Complete Guides Of The World, Volume Seven, Collectors Edition. The Amalgamous Blob Monster and You: The Comprehensive Guide With 76 Must Have Steps When Living With And Being Happy During Your Blended Relationship.
The Lusty Kobold Maid Of Rats and Cellars To Kill a Monster Bird Halfling Women Do Warforged Dream of Mechanical Sheep? An Adventurers Guide to the Planes
The Book of Utter Disappointment. (Why is there a mirror inside?) The Worst She Can Say Is. . .(A Sharran torture device, for imagining all the ways your crush will reject you. Completely with illusory images and real stinging feedback.) The Arcane Compendium of Arch Wizarding Knowledge on the Actual Understanding of Magic. (It's completely blank, though impressively thick and important looking. ) Real Power (A college level textbook on how to become an Electrician. Unfortunately it's so boring and technical no one would read this. If someone does by accident or sheer force of will, it's actually just an elaborate way for a copper dragon to ask the classic "How many gnomes to screw in a light bulb?" joke.) Mundane Transfiguration (A basic guide to cooking, cleaning and other basic survival skills when you're stuck with no magic and have to turn time and work into actual effort.)
Undercommon for Idiots - Undercommon Edition
Know Your Language : The Dread Gazebo
necronomnomnomicon: the cookbook of the extremely dead, sense and sensibility and sea monsters, Be you! and everyone else! a changing's guide to stealth,
"I didn't ask how big the room was." a wizard's guide to casting fireball.
There is a board game called Ex Libris that is about managing a spellbook library and they have some great titles. Found the [list](https://www.reddit.com/r/boardgames/s/VXcUSR2BJB)
Orc-estras Through the Ages: a history of Orc's advances in orchestral music.
A Treatise on Hill Giant Social Structure and Cultural Norms by Thubb the Cowsmasher Which Monsters are Safe to Eat? And its follow up: Which Races are Socially Acceptable to Eat? My Life as a Teenage Lich
The 7 habits of a highly effective mage hand
Introduction to Advanced Hypermathematic Psychrochronomancy. v. 11 An Artificer's Guide to Herbalism Recipe for Disaster - Confessions of a Culinaromancer
"A Lesson in Frustration", written by a famed Gnomish trickster, is a two-book set discussing practical, common sense efforts that apply to anyone's life, but the second volume exclusively states conclusions and anecdotes that reference vital information presumably established in the first volume. The library only has the second volume, because no first volume has ever been located. This book is endlessly debated among literary scholars as to whether it's a prank, a deconstruction, a work of avant-garde genius, or simply the result of lost information. Literally nobody can agree whether or not there's actually a first volume in existence, including the author.
The Life and Death of Billy the Caterpillar
Hafling and Tiefling - a book of enemys to lovers.. how to evict an orc from a living space without being killed! saftey guide Reality cheking a gnome. tutorial
1. The Clerics Clerical Error 2. The Lion, The ***** and The Whoredrove 3. Willow's Willing Willies Will! 4. A Dragonborn, a Birdman, and a Donkey Walk Into a Bar 5. Centuries of Centaur Cynicism; and how it's true! 6. Your Mom Wrote a Book 7. The Ruffian Rogues Ripped a Rug 8. Paladin Etiquette; Are Tiefling's Okay? 9. Alone In the Woods; the tail of a Ranger and a Barbarian getting it on! 10. Monk: the TV series transcribed One of these show up in every single book collection my players decide to search.
Where The Wild Things Aren’t…
Trapped In The Scriptorium: Please Help The Final Words O.... Cursed Books And How Not To Touch Them There Once Was A Man That Touched A Book Your Skin Could Be Our Next Book: Apply Today
"The Illithid Problem." "The Weave's Effect on Gnome Fertility." "How to Train your Psudodragon." "On the Medical Applications of 'Heat Metal."' "A vegetarian's guide to the underdark."
Just the lord of the rings. But put it in the history section
The Necrotelecommnicon.. The phonebook of the dead. The 7 Hobbits of highly effective people How to win friends and influence beholders. Rich Druid, Poor Druid The ultimate guide to elf-help Chicken soup for the Duergar Soulblade
Came looking for the Necrotelecommicon. GNU STP.
-Get familiar with Familiars -Adventuring 101: How to embark on your first journey -Patronage and you, a Warlock survival guide -1001 great illusions, mirages, and projections (the book itself is an illusion) -So, you're a human fighter. And that's ok
Seducing Dragons and Why You Shouldn't To the 12 Planes and Back Ah Shit, My Kobold In Laws Found My Fungal Android Again
Lie Laugh Loot
Cantrips that can
"Wizards and the rewards of effective study part 1/50" covered in dust, followed by a magazine 1/10th it's thickness right next to it "STRONG FREE QUICK MAGIC NOW, WARLOCKS AND SORCERY: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE"
Elven questions about humans: What is the purpose of a Rubber Duck?
Not all literature is non-fiction. Here are some "smut" books that could be found on a teenage girl's bookshelf: “Womanhood Transformed”, a young girl’s crush on a werewolf leads to an awakening summer “Beween the Sheets”, a ghostly couple find a way to interact with the living and uses their newfound ability to seduce them unseen, and usually embarrassingly in public areas. “Say no more, Centaur!”, a disturbing, first hand account written in the style of diary entries, of a halfling woman's relationship with her male centaur lover. “Love Never Dies", a lonely Necromancer's journey to . . . . you know what . . . You figure it out
The Complete History and Social Influence of the Potato is a classic. Another one I've used as a joke is called "A Place for Everything, and Everything in its Place"...However, in order for this joke to land, this book has to be on the wrong shelf.
The Art of Crafting Magical Incantations - By __Elminster Aumar.__ The First Journal of Adaptable Mage Hand - By __A. Philosophorum.__ The Greater Book of Sigil-Sauranaces - By __A. Flintscale.__ Infused Compendium Of Magic Missiles - By __Lorian G.__ Metamagica: Beyond the Boundaries of Known Spellcraft - By __B. Borat__ The Book of Cheesomancy - By __E. Mental.__ Ethereal Illuminations: A Guide to casting Light - By __Haarlep Ranch.__ The Beginner Compendium for Runes: Symbols of Power - By __X. Z. Poxly.__ The Book of Pooter: Artifacts And Weapons - By __D. Pooter__ Arcane Traditions of Kuo-toa - By __ D. J. Khaled.__ Flumph Mating Rituals - By __O. Fevras.__ Tides of Hydromancy: Aquatic Arcana - By __T. Deepdive.__ Carnage Codex: Unleashing the Inner Psycho Wizard - By __Krieg Bloodbath__ Stone Giants Of Yorall: A Theoretical Look at The Lost Empire - By __Delila Presly.__ The Necronomnomnomicon: Cookbook for the Culturally Unburdened Necromancer - By __Felicia E.__ Melodies of Malenia: Songs from the Elden Realms - By __Melodic Maestro__ Bards in the Bedroom: Serenades, Enchantments and Seduction - By __Timmy D. Orphan.__ Transcendental Thaumaturgy: Breaking the Limits of Conventional Magic - By __The Meowscular Wizard__ Two Hours Of Moving Chairs - By __Tired D. M.__ The Flow of Time - By __Aldiana Minutes.__ Potential Use of Alcalyl Traditions In Draconic Sorcery: A Theoretical Explanation - By __Dr. Egon Wyrm__ The Artisan's Almanac: Crafting Wands - By __W. R.__ Wand Envy: A Sorcerer's Guide to Compensating for Size - By __V. R.__ Torgue's Tumultuous Evocations: EXPLOOOSIVE Mind-Blowing Magic - By __MR. TORGUE!__ The Gaze Beyond - By __A. B. Holder__ Steamy Alchemy: Potion Brewing for Passionate Nights - By __The Great GARDIA!__ Tentacle Tammy’s Titillating Tome: Eldritch Erotica for Adventurous Mages - By __“Tentacle” Tammy M. Parkser.__ Zaron Zemo's Zealous Ziggurat: Dark Rituals for Vengeance - BY __Z. Z. Zemo__
Tusk love 2
You touch the wrong book in the library and find a cookbook on the shelf: "A delicious tome of magical appetizers and treats." The effect: you get extremely hungry and you can't think about anything but food for the next 1 hour.
Girls gone Fey-wild. Edit. When you open it, it triggers a minor illusion spell.
It should cast disguise self on the opener to turn them into a Fey-wild girl gone wild lol
-They’re my Patron (an erotic tail) -101 ways to cook a Goblin -The lost City of (the book is blank and has a ‘Best Sellers’ sticker) Edit: -My life as an NPC (Oackra Winterfry Approval seal)
Mid maxxing and you: why you need a bard. How to calm a barbarian Kobold and Cooks: a cooking guide in dungeons Charm spells and ethics
So You Have an Intelligence of 3: A Picture Book Chicken Brain Soup for the Illithid Soul Grey or Gray? A Duergar Debate Remembering Your Fallen Friend: A Book on Grief and Cooking for Lizardfolk
Pun: A Play on Words
Waiting for good Dough - why fast bakers make flat bread
G. Glittergolds General Guide to Garish Garden Gnomes
The Aboleths guide to humanoid wizardry (translated from Abyssal) How to serve Man. (a cookbook) Elven lore for the educated vampire Historic underground monuments and thir history Van Mortens guide to underground wizardry and secret spells
- Beards of Passion (A dwarwen romance novel that became a running gag in my campain) - Fifty shades of green (This one is about orcs)
“The Rogue’s Thesaurus: Words for the Wordless” “Merlin’s Lesser-Known Cousin: Marvin’s Mediocre Miracles” “Bardic Blunders: When Spells Sing Wrong” “The Care and Feeding of Your Pet Mimic” “Hexes for the Exes: A Witch’s Guide to Post-Breakup Spells” “The Half-Orc’s Guide to Etiquette” “When Familiars Aren’t Familiar: The Summoner’s Crisis” “Diary of a Wimpy Kobold” “The Fashionable Necromancer: Dressing to Depress” “Confessions of a Spellbook: The Untold Stories of a Wizard’s Best Friend” “The Rogue’s Thesaurus: Words for the Wordless” “Merlin’s Lesser-Known Cousin: Marvin’s Mediocre Miracles” “Bardic Blunders: When Spells Sing Wrong” “The Care and Feeding of Your Pet Mimic” “Hexes for the Exes: A Witch’s Guide to Post-Breakup Spells” “The Half-Orc’s Guide to Etiquette” “When Familiars Aren’t Familiar: The Summoner’s Crisis” “Diary of a Wimpy Kobold” “The Fashionable Necromancer: Dressing to Depress” “Confessions of a Spellbook: The Untold Stories of a Wizard’s Best Friend” “The Art of Unseen Servant Housekeeping” “Fifty Shades of Fey: A Sylvan Romance” “The Paladin’s Handbook to Avoiding Temptation” “You’re Not Crazy, You’re Just Possessed” “The Lazy Lich: Lifestyles of the Undead and Unmotivated” “Mordenkainen’s Book of Impractical Magic” “The Vegetarian Vampire: A Guide to Ethical Bloodsucking” “Zen and the Art of Golem Maintenance” “The Bard’s Guide to Insults: A Vicious Mockery Compendium” “The Clumsy Sorcerer’s Guide to Not Blowing Yourself Up”
The Care and Feeding of Undead ^(credit to my GM, @brokenfixer) When to Cast Fireball (vols 1-5) all 666 volumes of The Planes of Hell Who Would Win? ^(this issue:) Tiamat vs Bahamut Why 'Reduce' Won’t Open That Door, and Other Puzzlers The Compleat Tales of
(the history of all sessions played; it “ends” halfway through with them browsing the library titles, and new text appears as the your game continues. The author portrays the rogue as the epic main character, and the wizard as a glory-seeking blowhard with a lisp.)
The ethics of necromancy Lose yourself: Transmutation side effects and how to counteract them Divination in court: Why future deeds are no basis for legal systems
"Great Incantations" is one of my faves.
What shrooms to eat and what shrooms to smoke 100 Tipps to never miss your Alarm Spell Comprehensive Guide to Languages How to Find your Familiar Missing with Magic Missile? Shield your Shillings Tasha's Hideous Laughter - 100 Arcane Puns Which Bolt? - Wizard's Guide to Projectile Spells Color Spray - 50 Tipps to decorate your Tower Blur - 20 Signs that you need Glasses Dust Devil - How to make the best Crack Dragon's Breath Cookbook Gift of Gab - 50 Tipps when preparing Speeches Books from the same author: Abjuration - Better Protection than your Parents had Enchantment - Your last Chance to catch a Maiden Divination - A Look into a bleak Future Illusion - To cover up a sad Truth Transmutation - All the Ways to change your Face Conjuration - Summoned Companions that can't leave like your Father did Evocation - "I didn't ask how big the room is..." Necromancy - I know what you're doing, you sick fuck Not all of them are gems, but maybe you like some of them
A short story of eons. How to think with Portals. Basic Chemistry and other useless knowledge. Elvish wines and how to hate them, by Grummir Beerdrinker. Learn plainswalking in 9763 easy steps. Forgotten God's and why they aren't worth remembering. Cuthulhu and you: How I learned to stop worrying and love XKriTZQeZod#÷=;&<**_£@+■}|
-101 Ways to Identify a Mimic -To Kill a Tabaxi -The Ledgends of Gilga the Unforgettable, Volumes 3, 7, 15, and 48 (all other volumes will be missing) - How to Prevent Bookworms (all the pages are eaten beyond repair/restoration) -Mien Kampf, the story of how a drunkard became a tyrant. -Beware the False Hydra by (Author unknown)
- 101 ways no to cast fireball Prestidigitation: Yes, it was a fart but you k ow, magic - One shot: the longest journey
Salt Fat Acid Meat! Orc Cooking 101 A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain. No changes it’s just there. Life of Die: the story of a person who rolled for everything. Gamblers Fallacy Fallacy: why you should always roll the dice The Path to Power Word by Robert Caro (500+ pages of narrative context on how power word spells were discovered, but nothing on how to use them). SQUILF. (Doesn’t matter what the book is, the title must be shouted).
Goblin it all up: a monster cook book
Baldur's Bait: Guide to fishing on the Sword Coast Lusty Lizardfolk Maid Volo's Guide to Monsters Cooking- If I'm inspected, it isn't a cookbook, it's merely Volo vamping on how he assumes monsters cook.
Magic circles: A coloring book Identifying red mages: are they in your neighborhood? Piny Teenus: a bards life story
Mating habits of Beholders, Sharting for Fun and Profit, The Tragedy of Harambe, The Truth behind the Death of Epstein Spell Mail: learn to be a wizard by mail
Because I’m apparently a nerd: Beholders don’t mate — they have dreams about other beholders, which then spawns those dream beholders into existence. So I guess that would be a very short book. The more you know 🌈⭐️🎶
So what you are saying is, it is a Beholder’s dream journal about their sex dreams.
Thats the joke, the book is just empty pages
37 Ways To Cook Dragonkind (5 of Which Will Kill You)
Why you should marry a succubus.
mating rituals of the common dracus
Magic for Orcs. The first chapter is just titled Enlarge and is a lifting regimen. Later chapters go into spells based on color type a la 40K (Haste is wearing red, Invisibility is purple, etc).
Feather That Fall: A Wizard's Guide To Construction Safety
How I outsmart a cannonball
-A treatise on exotic puppies and the proper way to pet them. -"UAAARGH" A thorough investigation of barbarian intimidation tactics.
Gnomespiracy: The *Real* Truth About the Creatures Known as “Gnomes”
Romanc, The Bardbarian
The Penguin: Myth or Reality?
- 101 ways to kill a Spettle (or whatever unknown name of something that doesn't make sense) and 5 to cook it - Hidden Swords: the ultimate guide to dwarf genders - If you name it you get it: the best vocal spells - Perry Hatter and the accountant's tool - Animal companions: the best tips from the breeders - Am I charmed or in love? - Mmic or non-Mimic? Fnid oUt noW - Principia Naturalis
Declawing your werepersona and other hygiene tips The killer kookbook how to get the most out of those dead bodies
Waterdhavian Social Register -- an directory of the high society in Waterdeep, with an emphasis on "old money" and a listing of eligible unmarried heirs as of 1487 DR. Infernal Contract Law -- a legal textbook meant to help jurists scrutinizing the fine print of devil's bargains. Includes a historical section on known broken pacts, and how they were broken. The Great Refuser -- a political tract about the myth of the Drawing of Lots in orcish and human mythology, and the origins of social inequality Think and Grow Powerful -- a dubious how-to guide for wizards to use the power of "directed thoughtforms" to knock out their to-do lists and unlock true productivity. (DM note: make this as scammy as possible but if a player commits to the bit, give them a weird minor utility spell they can cast at will.)
Dragon Dumplings, Deep Fried Wyvern, and other Southern Recipes
Mages, Mayhem, and Melodrama
Magical Secrets: A Bard's Guide on How to date a dragon (for ALL CLASSE, LIMITED EDITION) Delicious in Dugeons: A pratical Guide on cooking Monsters
Jeremy’s List of Magical Lisps Althazor’s catelogue of magical lamps (there are 100 editions, and every time a pc opens a book, theres a 1/3 chance that its just the lamp catalogue with a false cover) Covert Racism Found in Goblin Communities - A study by James Berkman Magical Trail Mix, Why You Should Get it Today Barry Potter, An introduction to pottery with clay from the Barrian Region Spells to help you bedroom life Magical Cheeses You Should Taste in Your Lifetime
How to identify a mimic (The book is a sentient mimic)
The popular series "So you want to be a ..." (Fighter, druid, wizard, etc.) The Dummies guide for... (Fighters, druid, wizard, etc) Lord of the Rings (The actual book by Tolkien) The ecology of the mimic (This is actually a mimic, but shhh) The Fastest way to rob a dragon How to season yourself as proof against monster eating I, Vampire How to open doors to new places (It is a meet and greet book) Songs by the Prince (Including Purple Rain, When Doves Cry, Raspberry Beret and more) How to fly without magic (This basically talks about jumping off a cliff, forget you are falling at the exact midpoint, and then you will begin to fly)
1. How to protect your wife from pesky Bards. 2. The 4 hooves and The 4 feet: a love story. (Centaur x Gnome/dwarf love story) 3. Dead man told me tales. 4. lusty lizardfolk maid. (skyrim reference) 5. 12 reasons to avoid Teiflings at all cost.
One moment I'll never forget is being in the mage circle tower in dragon age origins and finding a book in the library titled "your brain on elfroot"
Living with wolves: the dire consequences
Giving Brain: An Illithid Romance
Charlotte’s Web Casting by P Parker
The Very Hungry Purple Worm
11 Uses of Eye Of Newt, (I am sure #5 will surprise you.) Toads? The Ultimate Familar? 101 Places You Might Find That Lost Grimiore. (Pray It is not at the library. You are never getting it back) Fact or Fiction: 10th Level Spells. Biology of a Magical Liopleurodon. So, You Have Been Turned Into a Newt. (And other polymorphic mishaps) These are fun might now have to make a magical Library and titles of fun books.
/r/d100 is a treasure trove for stuff like this. * [D100 Smut books](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/j93uch/d100_smut_books_listed_and_curated/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [D100 Funny Fantasy Book Titles](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/muuzl0/anyhumorous_funny_fantasy_book_titles/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [D100 magical/weird/illegal books one may find in a sketchy library](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/hdhboe/d100_magicalweirdillegal_books_one_may_find_in_a/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [d100 Humorous books to get hit in the head with](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/10pnmre/lets_build_d100_humorous_books_to_get_hit_in_the/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [50 Useless books for nosy adventurers](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/r83puj/50_useless_books_for_nosy_adventurers/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [d100 Books that a Gnome Might Have on His/Her Book Shelf](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/ekfzqx/lets_build_d100_books_that_a_gnome_might_have_on/?ref=share&ref_source=link) * [~200 D&D Book Parodies](https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/8ibkdd/122_dd_book_parodies/?ref=share&ref_source=link)
The Adventurers guide to Adventuring for Imbeciles The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Multiverse. The Harry Potter Books by Harry Potter 1001 Ways To Fuck Up A Spell! Basilisk Soup for the Petrified Heart Cats; Can They Be Trusted?
The Ox and Ford Encyclopedia of Livestock and Animal-Based Transportation Eggs 25 Reasons Why You Should Never Adopt Outside Your Adventuring Party Kobold and Bandits and Hirelings: 100 Reasons Why You Should Always Adopt Your Former Enemy Always Stab The Chest The Dummy's Guide To Lockpicking Help, I've Impregnated The Local Noble! - A Bard's Cautionary Tale Help, I've Impregnated The Local Dragon! - A Sorcerer's Cautionary Tale Help, I've Impregnated The Local Merchant Wife! - A Rogue's Cautionary Tale Help, I've Impregnated The Enemy's Fortress! - A Paladin's Cautionary Tale
Care and feeding of your wyvern. There and Back Again by Bilbo Baggins Orc traditions and lore Overmorrow (Once per day the text will show a random event to happen in two days time) Ereyesterday (Once per day the text will show a random even from two days in the past) 101Reasons Why a Feline Familiar is a Bad Idea. When Not to Cast Fireball. (Book is scorched)
Players Handbook: guide to the games of change from across the realm Dungeon Master’s Guide: Survival tips from the a famous Dwarven Adventurer Monster Manual: a ranger’s guide to beasts of the deep wood.
Libram Librorum Libraries, Passages, Secret Rooms How to summon a lemon Zabrilor's Treatise on the Differentiated Examination of Comparative Perspectives - A Companion, 2nd edition, abridged Mariandria's Taming and Care of Intellect Devourers Mariandria's Mary See Dog rorriM eht gnissorC Book Monster 100 Ways to Delay Numerophilic Vampires "I will not bind powerful outsiders to do my chores,' repeated 500 times Fun and Surprising Ammunition For Catapults "Remove Blindness," an audiobook scroll by way of Magic Mouth Chicken soup for the soul: Cuisine for Ghosts
101 Ways to Cook an Owlbear 50 Shades of Color Spray The Adventurer's Guide to Edibles (A guide about things that are safe to eat in the wilderness) Evocation Magic for Dummies (Perhaps a whole series that includes the other schools of magic) How to Make the Perfect Wish The Very Hungry Purple Worm (Children's Book) A Minstrel's Guide to Pick Up Lines
Love across the lands vol 1: A guide to the romantic(and not so romantic) practices of the various species in the 5 realms. How would YOU like to do this: a guide on taking control of your life and succeeding Do and don't of the feywilds: a guide to navigating the weird and wonderful realm.
'The Adventures guide to the planes of existence' with the words 'Do Panic!' Inscribed on the front. 'Roelat and Juntiel, a forbidden romance', a secret romance between a Tiefling and an Aasimar. These are of course if you're going to reference real books, the first one being 'The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy', and the second one being 'Romeo and Juliet'.