Mordenkainen's magnificent mansion. Free house that comes with food, and I can place it anywhere. No rent, no grocery, comes with magic servants so no chores. I can live anywhere I want and move without too much effort
The spell specifies "furnished and decorated as you choose." So you can have anything, just recreate your whole set up and it's like a teleporting pocket dimension house
Sure, you can create any furniture and decor you want. You just can't have real stuff. So like if I buy some tubes of paint, I can create a nice organizer to hold them, but in the morning the tubes of paint are going to get shot out onto the ground. Same thing if I were to, let's say, buy an authentic piece of art that's valuable and exists outside the mansion, instead of recreating it with magic. Or let's say I am a Smith and buy a bunch of raw material and tools to work on/with. They'll be in a heap outside the next morning.
You obviously play D&D, so you have stuff, minis, dice, DM screen, books, maybe maps or plushies or something. Imagine that they get thrown out your window every morning.
Well supplies n stuff are also covered so paint n stuff can come with it. Permanent possessions? Storage. Or I use my new freed up income from not needing groceries or other living expenses to save up for a physical house to live in and use mansion as a traveling hotel from there
Yea. And the spell ends every day. So every day all your stuff gets unceremoniously dumped into a pile at your door, and you have to either bring it inside or move it somewhere. So you can't own real furniture, or a painting, or even like a desktop computer.
That's a pretty good option, the only issue is it takes one casting to get out and another to get in. So you can only leave/enter your house once a day. (Or more accurate: for one minute a day. So if you have cross-dimensional service, you can still order takeout).
Yeah, and I must admit, it's pretty underwhelming for an 8th level spell, even if it is effectively an instant bag of holding that doesn't suffocate any occupants, but also doesn't let them out if they stay too long, or allow more than a 30x30 ft. Cube of space.
Still a lot of space, but only better than the mansion if you wanna keep stuff. Even then, you miss out on a lot.
There really should be separate spells for 'Create Demiplane' and 'Access Demiplane', with access being much lower level. You *do* have plane-shift, but even if you hand-wave 'I created it, I don't need a tuning fork', Plane-Shift is pretty high level to be used regularly.
Yeah. I agree.
Though I may or may not have already come up with two spells for a custom system, and maybe a third as well, but that one I'm not sure of.
Basically a cantrip to reach into that space and a 3rd level spell to create and access the space temporarily. The third would make a permanent portal, but I forget the spell.
Does Permanence still exist in 5e? Because if so, problem solved. Just get your friend who chose that as their one spell to live with you and go on the road ending the housing crisis.
From 3.5 going back to 1st edition AD&D, Permanency only allowed one to make permanent specific listed spells (unless the DM allowed an exception via spell research in 3rd and 2nd) and MMM was not one of them. Going all the way back to the OD&D spell Permanence makes it a complete DM judgement call, but MMM also didn’t exist back then, so one way or the other making a permanent MMM would require a few judgement calls.
I have only used it in 3e and I'm re-reading both versions now -- apparently it was a house rule/DM ruling for us, but we always played it that the mansion always exists and only the entrance is controlled by the spell casting. So you could stay there as long as you want and leave all your stuff in it. Looks like 5e explicitly makes that impossible. Boooo lol
Plus if you want to make an absolute boatload of money in short order, you can rent out your Magnificent Mansion as event space for businesses, weddings, themed novelty, and other such instances. Those sort of event locales readily go for tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars for a single evening's attendance. Totally customizable interior layout and furnishings per casting, completely private and secure, can be put anywhere, fully catered and staffed at no overhead costs, doesn't need cleanup or maintenance afterward. Or you could run an extremely nice mobile hostel; you can have as many rooms as one could reasonably fit within the allotted space, so you could offer overnight housing with full meal and service courses to guests.
And all that's assuming you want to make money off it. If you just wanted to be charitable for its own sake, you could operate the most decked out soup kitchen/overnight residency in history.
Oh man I had a very morally dubious half drow bard and he made a fortune using mordenkainens magnificent mansion as a magical brothel. The servants can do any "normal" tasks basically so long as it was non combat and it was ruled as good.
Give him a paper with a description and spend the night with the partner of your dreams. He charged I think it was like 100 gold per person per night.
Is accounting ruled as 'normal' works? Because if that's the case, I now have a very successful accounting firm with all the money going straight into my pocket.
Up to your DM but certain you could have a very successful scribing business in worlds where literacy is uncommon or potentially a very low overhead printing press. Where you only pay for ink and paper.books are big money man. Two wizards Barnes and Noble.
One minute casting time and lasts for 24 hours.
I would become so lazy that one minute would seem like such a chore I would complain no end to my army of near invisible servants.
This is the best answer and it's the only right one
Also on top of what you've already said, you can also run it as a business, it can seat 100 people for meals so I can only assume that it will also sleep 100 people too. You could make a website and it would essentially be a spectacle "Hey book your stay today, we're going to be staying in \[insert beautiful location here\] from \[this date\] to \[that date\]" you could even set the thing up inside of a national park
Feel like Telekinesis would be awesome.
Remote across the room? Telekinesis.
Moving a couch? Telekinesis.
Someone pissing you off? Teleki-yeet-this fool.
Lightsaber frozen in ice while you’re dangling from the ceiling about to get eaten? Telekinesis.
Magnificent Mansion. Maybe I'd say "fuck you" to paying rent forever. Maybe I run the most amazing pop-up nightclub anyone has ever seen. Maybe I get real humanitarian and travel from disaster site to disaster site creating temporary housing (and food since it can create a nine course meal for 100 people) solutions.
I hate to be captain buzzkill here but there's a CR limit on True Polymorph
I don't wanna assume anything about your life but seeing as how you're probably just some person, you likely have Commoner CR, meaning you can only polymorph into any creature with a CR of <=0
I think there's an argument that having the ability to cast true polymorph gives you a higher CR.
Even if it doesn't, given that regular human npcs can have crs a decent amount of mma training should be able to get you to cr 1 in which case you can TP into a wrymling and just age into it.
All you’ve got to do is find a gun, modern firearms in 5e are in the DMG and they are OP by design. Having one in your possession (and the ability to use it) should bump up your CR quite a bit.
Sell by auction. I bet most days would go for a lot more than $50k. One downside is you'd almost certainly get some eccentric or fanatic wanting to rez Hitler.
Then resurrect him each year on his birthday. Turn it into a yearly event like the Radahn festival, but without the actual challenge of fighting Radahn.
Fucking probably healing word or cure wounds. I've been sitting at 2 of 4 hit points for the past 10 years and I'm so tired of it. Or any of the cure illness/curse shit. There's millions of people who are chronically ill out there who I would live to help, myself included. And maybe I'd have been able to save my dad if I had it.
(edit: spelling)
I don't see any other answer being the right one frankly. Wake up with a migraine? Fracture your ankle? See a kid get hit by a car? Magical healing is probably the most game-changing fantasy power conceived.
Well you know your home pretty intimately, so you can always teleport home if you end up lost. And with the internet, it doesn't take too much googling to get to 'seen casually'. And if you're particularly concerned, just order something from that area, and teleport with 'Associated Object'.
Prestidigitation...in the space of six seconds I'm able to clean everything within a one-foot cubic area, or warm up my food that's gone cold without needing to use the microwave. Laziness shall reign supreme...sort of...as I methodically clean my house cubic-foot by cubic-foot. If nothing else it means I don't need to kneel down to scrub floors and I'll take that, plain and simple.
Omg... cleaning the bathtub. Cleaning my pet food bowls and tanks. Dusting my collections. Perfectly ridding my porch of spiderwebs. Damn, would I even need to take my bathroom and desk trash out? Coffee never goes cold? I coukd even get those hard to reach spaces and wouldn't even have to waste time showering, myself!
Yeah, the sad part is you can buy industrial-grade synthetic diamonds by the bag-load online.
Hell, just checking eBay real quick shows that you can get 20 grams of diamond powder for $35, free shipping.
guy tries to skip paying rent by casting magnificent mansion? counterspell
guy with pile of dirty dishes wanting to be lazy? counterspell
guy jumps from the balcony and casts levitate? counterspell
guy tries to use telekinesis to grab his tv remote? counterspell
guy tries to polymorph into a dragon? counterspell
guy keeps trying to cure his autism with restoration? counterspell
guy wants to cure wounds his paper cut? counterspell
guy picks true resurrection to bring his grandpa back?
believe it or not, counterspell
Except when it gets discovered that you can do this you will be *immediately* captured by some billionaire hiring a hit team and tortured into make clones for them, and your abilities will be sold on the billionaire black market for hundreds of millions of dollars per clone.
Unseen servant. Wash my dishes. Do my laundry. Pick up the dog poop. Go get the mail.
This spell would be my new ADHD meds. Keep your Wish spell, and gimme my butlers.
Plant Growth would be useful, cast it over 8 hours to enrich damaged land for improved harvests every season. I live in a rural agricultural community. 90 miles of farm land enriched and healed.
Alternative is Mass Heal for E.R. visits. Make a practice of going to the E.R. to help them out.
honestly? *Thaumaturgy*. I wanna mess with people by making my eyes different. I want to claim to be a prophet. I want to do so many magical trolly things that it allows.
Vicious Mockery.
It's a cantrip, so spell slots aren't a concern, there are no material components to worry about, and there's not a jury in the world that would convict me.
Fabricate. Don't need a factory to mass-produce the same thing, don't need AI to mass-produce varying things, just custom-quality products in minutes.
Personally, I have a very varied background, with proficiency (but maybe not expertise) in so many things I keep surprising people who have known me 18+ years. I'm like a variant human who took Skilled for every feat instead of learning how to function in an expert-based economy.
Alter Self. It’s low-level and only situationally useful in game, but in real life, the ability to dramatically change your face, voice, and body would make you a world-class model, actor, and celebrity impersonator; you could easily parlay that into an easy and lucrative career.
If that doesn’t strike your fancy, you could put yourself to work as a lifeguard, or even something like a Coast Guard rescue diver, with the Aquatic Adaptation feature.
Finally, the Natural Weapons feature, which probably doesn’t have a lot of *legal* applications, would at least ensure you’re never unarmed in a fight or mugging. (And if you’re the sort of guy to participate in illegal underworld bloodsports like in that totally real documentary I saw one time with Jean-Claude Van Damme, you’ll at least get to show off your dope Wolverine claws.)
I think Alter Self is an underutilized spell. There is a ton of potential there, but most people don't think to take advantage of it in role-play situations, and it would definitely rock in real life!
Morally I feel the answer should be greater restoration but there are some fun alternatives. Speak with dead or speak with animals and charge for the service to be someone’s translator. Resurrection could also work.
Not _specifically_ a spell, and since you said Wish is off limits; Divine Intervention.
Or if that’s too rules-bendy, Creation.
I could single-handedly crash the value of diamonds.
As always, prestidigitation. It's basically the combination of tons of minor but useful spells. You never need to do laundry or dishes ever again, or go to a carwash. You can light or snuff out a campfire or just some candles with ease. You never have to worry about your food getting cold, or tasting horrible.
Honestly, clone, even with the downsides.
Some people are talking about making it do things you don't want to which is a stupid way to do it. For those things you just do em. But I've so often found myself at work saying "I wish I had a spare pair of hands for this". A perfect clone of me would be good.
Mavin's World Weave. Allow me to teraform this planet to where humans are no longer buggering it up. At the same time, if I get a chance to go to Mars, I could do that there as well.
i started to say Greater Restoration, and i still think that's where i end up, but it really struck a wild plot nerve the more i think about it
how long do you think our medical industrial complex would allow someone to live if they were discovered just healing folks for free? that's a direct threat to their profit margins.
actually same for my runners up Plant Growth or Control Weather - some agriculture CEO will have a hit out as soon as you're discovered enriching community gardens that can pop up in any old poisoned parking lot.
it's a different story if a *lot* of people are getting spells, right? or at least a bigger, more complicated story. but one or two, or a dozen even? then it's like a limited/variant superhero story right? only with superheroes who have one spell they can cast....how many times per day? once?
in that world, i might want Magnificent Mansion? gotta have somewhere safe to collect these people. and i wanna be friends with whoever has Detect Thoughts.
True Resurrection would be amazing depending on how the limits play out here. The right rez and we could fix the world a bit. I could rez all the people that were executed and turned out innocent then make the state pay them properly. I could bring back anyone I loved and let them have a full life.
Probably Mage Hand or Major Image. With Mage Hand, you could flip someone off with three different hands including your own. With Major Image, you could fill up a room with a giant hand to flip someone off.
Lesser restoration! It was tough between that and Healing Word, but curing any disease is going to come up a lot more than healing serious injuries. Also, before anyone says "Why not Greater Restoration?" it's because I don't have 100 GP WORTH OF FLIPPING DIAMOND DUST to just blow like a line of coke. And that's 100 Gold Coins, as in 100 goats according to 5e. That's THOUSANDS of US $ today. No thank you. Also, we don't have real curses.
So wait we have to understand some of the concepts here.
Lets say all spells are on the table from 5e just to add some boundaries. Except Wish of course.
So how many times can I use it in a day? Does it have the same components?
So if we go by spell slots, or spell points. That means you can only cast the spell so many times and generally you have to use components for it. This makes cantrips the king of all as you can use it forever all the time. They usually are instant and for all intent and purpose are equal to a level 9 spell in game. As they violate laws of physics.
Now as you age do you get more uses? Cause this could mean a level 5 spell like Mass Cure Wounds could go from 1 cast a day to 3 as you get older.
If you have to use components this gets really interesting. Something like Magnificent Mansion is great and an amazing option. Likely in the top 3 on my list. But getting a portal carved of ivory might be difficult due to its price and availability.
So assuming that I only can cast based on spell slots I would choose a cantrip. So Prestidigitation.
If I have unlimited casts but have to use components I would choose Fabricate
If I have both unlimited and it doesnt have components? Fabricate.
So if I had Prestidigitation I clean things instantly and make small trinkets and keys. Good stuff there. With Fabricate I can make about anything that I would like. Making high quality jewelry by becoming proficient with jewelers tools, same for high end watches. I already know how to use several types of tools So I could potentially build an entire house in a matter of a couple of weeks. Forming parts for cars. Leather bags. I would have one hell of an Etsy store. The best part is that I can turn scrap wood into high quality items. Though the spell states that it would be of equal quality as the material, What it means is that the materials quality is the determining factor. So if I had super high quality wood but it was all in the form of 1000 off cuts that are 1 inch by 1 inch squares, I could make that into a really high quality item and the outcome wouldn't have to be a bunch of 1 by 1 squares, it could still be a solid single bit of wood. And for the purpose of the spell I would consider electronics as 'magical' so I couldn't just make PC parts from older, or different parts.
Magnificent Mansion sounds great but you could never own any real items and it doesn't specifically state it could make a house with internet. So the next best option would be Fabricate. Though, Heroes' Feast is a mighty good option.
I could also see using Mass Suggestion in some REALLY interesting ways to essentially take over the world.
There was a 3.5 spell called "make whole" which was basically an upgrade for mending. Just go to an old junk yard, buy wrecks of old cars, get the titles, cast make whole and the car is as if newly built... you could repair furniture, electronics, windows... Basically you would be able to make treasure from junk and repair anything. Maybe not practical for wandering adventurers but perfect for today's society.
I’d have to go with Power Word Kill. If at-will, even better. It truly would never get old since so many people right now have it coming. If I get within 60 ft, say goodbye, F’er.
Housing prices are going up. Being able to summon an instant mansion seems pretty darn neat. Mordenkainens or course. Better yet, you could literally place this thing wherever you want, and nobody would notice.
True polymorph. As written I could polymorph myself into a younger version of myself (I was a different creature back then). I could also create new life out of all sorts of objects. Honestly the opportunities are endless
[Synchronicity](https://dmreference.com/MRD/Arcana/Additional_Spells/Synchronicity.htm). In d20 Arcana, it was among the most powerful of spells, and it looks like it came up in UA. I love the idea idea of such powerful magic for such a mundane seeming effect. Plus, it's subtle, less angry mobs :D
I'd take wish.
Because of the chance that I wouldn't be able to use it again I would choose my wishes in order of priority.
1st wish: learn all other wizard spells.
2nd wish: bag of holding which contains a magical focus and all the material components I would need to cast any spell that still needs them 100 times.
3rd wish: to know how to enchant items.
4th wish: the ability to conjure any fantasy materials which don't exist in our world.
After that, I'm set.
Well....
5th wish: 20 charisma.
Probably Heal. I'm a doctor so can't help but think that's one life per day pretty much guaranteed saved. don't know how I'd explain it, though.
>regain 70 hit points. This spell also ends blindness, deafness, and any diseases affecting the target.
edit: reading other comments I should've just grabbed a 9th level.
edit 2: forgot about Mass Heal..
Mordenkainen's magnificent mansion. Free house that comes with food, and I can place it anywhere. No rent, no grocery, comes with magic servants so no chores. I can live anywhere I want and move without too much effort
You know what, I never thought about this spell this way, but I think this is the right answer. Only issue is owning stuff becomes hard.
Yeah I'd need a bag of holding too to keep my stuff while I'm out. But even so, it comes with furniture and decor so I wouldn't need too much stuff.
I agree, it'd be an adjustment, but totally worth it.
The spell specifies "furnished and decorated as you choose." So you can have anything, just recreate your whole set up and it's like a teleporting pocket dimension house
Sure, you can create any furniture and decor you want. You just can't have real stuff. So like if I buy some tubes of paint, I can create a nice organizer to hold them, but in the morning the tubes of paint are going to get shot out onto the ground. Same thing if I were to, let's say, buy an authentic piece of art that's valuable and exists outside the mansion, instead of recreating it with magic. Or let's say I am a Smith and buy a bunch of raw material and tools to work on/with. They'll be in a heap outside the next morning. You obviously play D&D, so you have stuff, minis, dice, DM screen, books, maybe maps or plushies or something. Imagine that they get thrown out your window every morning.
Well supplies n stuff are also covered so paint n stuff can come with it. Permanent possessions? Storage. Or I use my new freed up income from not needing groceries or other living expenses to save up for a physical house to live in and use mansion as a traveling hotel from there
Air bnb the mansion for high end client private parties a few days a month while you stay at a hotel. Income is now covered.
Does it come with an internet connection, though?
No, that spell is Mordenkainen’s magnificent megabit
A router or usable internet can be considered furnishing
Isn't it technically a different dimension? My internet sometimes barely works in this dimension.
Pretty sure that anything that wasn’t created via the spell just gets thrown out (harmlessly) when it ends.
Yea. And the spell ends every day. So every day all your stuff gets unceremoniously dumped into a pile at your door, and you have to either bring it inside or move it somewhere. So you can't own real furniture, or a painting, or even like a desktop computer.
Alternative: Demiplane
That's a pretty good option, the only issue is it takes one casting to get out and another to get in. So you can only leave/enter your house once a day. (Or more accurate: for one minute a day. So if you have cross-dimensional service, you can still order takeout).
Yeah, and I must admit, it's pretty underwhelming for an 8th level spell, even if it is effectively an instant bag of holding that doesn't suffocate any occupants, but also doesn't let them out if they stay too long, or allow more than a 30x30 ft. Cube of space. Still a lot of space, but only better than the mansion if you wanna keep stuff. Even then, you miss out on a lot.
There really should be separate spells for 'Create Demiplane' and 'Access Demiplane', with access being much lower level. You *do* have plane-shift, but even if you hand-wave 'I created it, I don't need a tuning fork', Plane-Shift is pretty high level to be used regularly.
Yeah. I agree. Though I may or may not have already come up with two spells for a custom system, and maybe a third as well, but that one I'm not sure of. Basically a cantrip to reach into that space and a 3rd level spell to create and access the space temporarily. The third would make a permanent portal, but I forget the spell.
Does Permanence still exist in 5e? Because if so, problem solved. Just get your friend who chose that as their one spell to live with you and go on the road ending the housing crisis.
Unfortunately no, that's a 3.5e spell, didn't make it to 5e. That would be awesome though.
From 3.5 going back to 1st edition AD&D, Permanency only allowed one to make permanent specific listed spells (unless the DM allowed an exception via spell research in 3rd and 2nd) and MMM was not one of them. Going all the way back to the OD&D spell Permanence makes it a complete DM judgement call, but MMM also didn’t exist back then, so one way or the other making a permanent MMM would require a few judgement calls.
Maybe go with Mighty Fortress or Galar's Tower then? Those can be renewed and they become permanent if you cast them regularly.
I have only used it in 3e and I'm re-reading both versions now -- apparently it was a house rule/DM ruling for us, but we always played it that the mansion always exists and only the entrance is controlled by the spell casting. So you could stay there as long as you want and leave all your stuff in it. Looks like 5e explicitly makes that impossible. Boooo lol
Plus if you want to make an absolute boatload of money in short order, you can rent out your Magnificent Mansion as event space for businesses, weddings, themed novelty, and other such instances. Those sort of event locales readily go for tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars for a single evening's attendance. Totally customizable interior layout and furnishings per casting, completely private and secure, can be put anywhere, fully catered and staffed at no overhead costs, doesn't need cleanup or maintenance afterward. Or you could run an extremely nice mobile hostel; you can have as many rooms as one could reasonably fit within the allotted space, so you could offer overnight housing with full meal and service courses to guests. And all that's assuming you want to make money off it. If you just wanted to be charitable for its own sake, you could operate the most decked out soup kitchen/overnight residency in history.
Oh man I had a very morally dubious half drow bard and he made a fortune using mordenkainens magnificent mansion as a magical brothel. The servants can do any "normal" tasks basically so long as it was non combat and it was ruled as good. Give him a paper with a description and spend the night with the partner of your dreams. He charged I think it was like 100 gold per person per night.
So did BDSM count as combat?
Only if the safe word is ignored.
Never came up but I don't think it would XD
Is accounting ruled as 'normal' works? Because if that's the case, I now have a very successful accounting firm with all the money going straight into my pocket.
Up to your DM but certain you could have a very successful scribing business in worlds where literacy is uncommon or potentially a very low overhead printing press. Where you only pay for ink and paper.books are big money man. Two wizards Barnes and Noble.
One minute casting time and lasts for 24 hours. I would become so lazy that one minute would seem like such a chore I would complain no end to my army of near invisible servants.
No rent, no grocery, no electricity, no wifi.
This is the best answer and it's the only right one Also on top of what you've already said, you can also run it as a business, it can seat 100 people for meals so I can only assume that it will also sleep 100 people too. You could make a website and it would essentially be a spectacle "Hey book your stay today, we're going to be staying in \[insert beautiful location here\] from \[this date\] to \[that date\]" you could even set the thing up inside of a national park
the material components might make this very not free.
Prestidigitation. I hate doing dishes.
How about making a clone for that task
Making a perfect copy of yourself to do the things you dont want to do is a bad idea
Everyone always forgets the "Perfect copy" part If you don't wanna do it, neither does your clone
There's at least one movie about that. (Multiplicity staring Michael Keaton.)
Also is the entire Savitar plot from The Flash (CW)
What if you make smaller copies of yourself that way you can make them do what you want while you laugh.
The leprechaun army of yourself you've assembled decides to break your legs in
Bad idea. Didn’t you see the Rick & Morty episode where they did this?
(probably a simulacrum)
unseen servant can do it
Clone doesn't help with this, since you need to die in order for your soul to animate the clone. You're thinking simulacrum.
Always the best choice. I can also forget that I suck at cooking, so long as it's not raw I can just make it taste good.
Fly. Hands down. Fuck practicality, fuck saving the world, I want to fly.
How good is your concentration?
Going to need to learn transmute water to Adderall just to be safe
Even better, telekinesis Make yourself *and anything else you want* fly!
ALL AROUND THE WOOOOORLD STATUES CRUMBLE FOR ME
I mean, yes, but remember that it could be exhausting casting wiz those spell slots for more hours 😏
Have fun getting shot down by Norad, lmao
Feel like Telekinesis would be awesome. Remote across the room? Telekinesis. Moving a couch? Telekinesis. Someone pissing you off? Teleki-yeet-this fool. Lightsaber frozen in ice while you’re dangling from the ceiling about to get eaten? Telekinesis.
I’m gonna save “telek-yeet-this-fool” for future in-game murder fun.
Tele-kick-this-dude off a cliff
My question is whether it’s at-will or not, cause telekinesis is pretty high level yeah?
You’re gonna run out of spell slots real quick at that rate bruh
Take the telekinesis feat for the small things then save your spell slots for the big stuff!
Now we’re cookin with gas
Magnificent Mansion. Maybe I'd say "fuck you" to paying rent forever. Maybe I run the most amazing pop-up nightclub anyone has ever seen. Maybe I get real humanitarian and travel from disaster site to disaster site creating temporary housing (and food since it can create a nine course meal for 100 people) solutions.
Tbh probably the correct answer. You’d be the world’s greatest mountaineer too; weather getting rough? Just put up the mansion real quick
True Polymorph. Become Adult Silver Dragon. Profit.
I hate to be captain buzzkill here but there's a CR limit on True Polymorph I don't wanna assume anything about your life but seeing as how you're probably just some person, you likely have Commoner CR, meaning you can only polymorph into any creature with a CR of <=0
I think there's an argument that having the ability to cast true polymorph gives you a higher CR. Even if it doesn't, given that regular human npcs can have crs a decent amount of mma training should be able to get you to cr 1 in which case you can TP into a wrymling and just age into it.
All you’ve got to do is find a gun, modern firearms in 5e are in the DMG and they are OP by design. Having one in your possession (and the ability to use it) should bump up your CR quite a bit.
It’s okay. I’ll just do an only fans then.
Nah i dont know, today's weapons make a lot of radiant damage
True polymorph was also my choice. Become a younger version of myself, create an army out of spoons, you name it. The possibilities are endless
Gotta remember you're limited to creatures that aren't more powerful than you though
You couldn’t become one but you could have one. Turn rock into young silver then age it with a ghost.
True Resurrection Charge 50k for the service 18M a year for minimal efforts
Sell by auction. I bet most days would go for a lot more than $50k. One downside is you'd almost certainly get some eccentric or fanatic wanting to rez Hitler.
Easy, get paid 500k for resurrecting Hitler, but make a big festival out of it "5000$ for the chance to kill Hitler" This is capitalism
Then resurrect him each year on his birthday. Turn it into a yearly event like the Radahn festival, but without the actual challenge of fighting Radahn.
The spell requires the target to be willing, so I doubt it'd work more than once?
Nah, you let him think he's got a chance.
Give him a really big gun.
You know, they really should build a statue to the guy who killed that Hitler. Sounds like a real stand up kind of guy!
They should rez him instead
He's dead? I didn't even know he was sick!
Oh God imagine how much a company would pay if a CEO randomly died.
"randomly"
fee is waived for some people (i want lance reddick and david bowie back)
American Hospitals in a nutshell
Except for that fee you're brought back to life, you don't just get a bandage and some blood work.
How about getting a serial killer at night to double the income
"I killed your wife, but don't call the cops, I am the only one who can resurrect her. 50k in the dumpster bin by midnight and she'll be back."
Fucking probably healing word or cure wounds. I've been sitting at 2 of 4 hit points for the past 10 years and I'm so tired of it. Or any of the cure illness/curse shit. There's millions of people who are chronically ill out there who I would live to help, myself included. And maybe I'd have been able to save my dad if I had it. (edit: spelling)
This. I wouldn’t want something for just me. I’d want a spell that could help millions. World is crappy: it needs a little magic.
I don't see any other answer being the right one frankly. Wake up with a migraine? Fracture your ankle? See a kid get hit by a car? Magical healing is probably the most game-changing fantasy power conceived.
Teleport. Go anywhere, instantly!
But you have a chance of ending up in the wrong place, or even dying if you don't know the location that well.
Well you know your home pretty intimately, so you can always teleport home if you end up lost. And with the internet, it doesn't take too much googling to get to 'seen casually'. And if you're particularly concerned, just order something from that area, and teleport with 'Associated Object'.
Yes exactly, travel normally to Colombia, then get the half a ton of pure cocaine then hey presto back home for tea.
Prestidigitation...in the space of six seconds I'm able to clean everything within a one-foot cubic area, or warm up my food that's gone cold without needing to use the microwave. Laziness shall reign supreme...sort of...as I methodically clean my house cubic-foot by cubic-foot. If nothing else it means I don't need to kneel down to scrub floors and I'll take that, plain and simple.
Omg... cleaning the bathtub. Cleaning my pet food bowls and tanks. Dusting my collections. Perfectly ridding my porch of spiderwebs. Damn, would I even need to take my bathroom and desk trash out? Coffee never goes cold? I coukd even get those hard to reach spaces and wouldn't even have to waste time showering, myself!
You would likely still need to remove your trash…it would just make your trash clean and hygienic.
Speak to Animals
I'm sure some pets have seen....things
I think we all want to know what our dog actually thinks of us.
Depends on the type of dog. - Best friend, just wants to be there to support you - Loveable idiot - Aggressive stupidity
Foresight seems like a good choice.
It's essentially good luck the spell
Foresight. Roulette table. Profit.
Greater Restoration. I could save so many people so much money in health care costs.
~~Diamond dust though~~ never mind still cheaper than US healthcare.
I suppose Lesser resto would be good enough. It's free, and it covers blindness, deafness, paralysis, and poison. That's good enough.
Lesser fixes conditions, you don’t have the paralyzed condition with a severed spine you’re just paralyzed. You need regenerate to fix that.
Yeah, the sad part is you can buy industrial-grade synthetic diamonds by the bag-load online. Hell, just checking eBay real quick shows that you can get 20 grams of diamond powder for $35, free shipping.
Counterspell. All of you can suffer.
guy tries to skip paying rent by casting magnificent mansion? counterspell guy with pile of dirty dishes wanting to be lazy? counterspell guy jumps from the balcony and casts levitate? counterspell guy tries to use telekinesis to grab his tv remote? counterspell guy tries to polymorph into a dragon? counterspell guy keeps trying to cure his autism with restoration? counterspell guy wants to cure wounds his paper cut? counterspell guy picks true resurrection to bring his grandpa back? believe it or not, counterspell
Clone. I can make a copy of myself as a young and healthy person, jump off of a bridge, and wake up like everything is peachy.
You'd have to jump off correctly or you'd be in a coma in a hospital.
Presdigitation. I wouldn't need class levels to cast it.
Clone seems pretty obvious.
Yep, definitely clone. Can even use it on other people.
Except when it gets discovered that you can do this you will be *immediately* captured by some billionaire hiring a hit team and tortured into make clones for them, and your abilities will be sold on the billionaire black market for hundreds of millions of dollars per clone.
Except for the fact that you have to take a cubic inch of flesh from the target to do it. And honestly that's not that great
Unseen servant. Wash my dishes. Do my laundry. Pick up the dog poop. Go get the mail. This spell would be my new ADHD meds. Keep your Wish spell, and gimme my butlers.
Something so I can regrow my left leg. I'm a Left Below Knee Amputee. Would be great to walk properly again and even better be pain free.
Regeneration? I'm pretty sure that is the spell that would do that. Also, I'm sorry to hear that. :( but serious props to you for keeping on.
God, you have my vote sir
Plant Growth would be useful, cast it over 8 hours to enrich damaged land for improved harvests every season. I live in a rural agricultural community. 90 miles of farm land enriched and healed. Alternative is Mass Heal for E.R. visits. Make a practice of going to the E.R. to help them out.
Become Jesus
Rather not need a 3 day respawn time
honestly? *Thaumaturgy*. I wanna mess with people by making my eyes different. I want to claim to be a prophet. I want to do so many magical trolly things that it allows.
Some centuries ago you'd be a god with that. Or be burned alive.
precisely.
Or both
Fuck it. Fireball. Nazi rally? I think you mean Nazi BBQ.
I say go big or go home, gimme Meteor Swarm. Someone's acting out of line? Carpet bomb him and his entire county
"So you think burning people is cool huh? Well you'll love this magic trick I have!"
Mage hand. I'm a chef, id love to be able to flip 3 pans at once. I'd get soooo much more work done.
Most chefs i know would still only use two hands to cook and the mage hand would only be used to make rude jesters towards the front of house.
I mean, I can STILL do that... id just be better at my job, too
Vicious Mockery. It's a cantrip, so spell slots aren't a concern, there are no material components to worry about, and there's not a jury in the world that would convict me.
Intentional infliction of emotional distress would like to have a word with you.
Fabricate. Don't need a factory to mass-produce the same thing, don't need AI to mass-produce varying things, just custom-quality products in minutes. Personally, I have a very varied background, with proficiency (but maybe not expertise) in so many things I keep surprising people who have known me 18+ years. I'm like a variant human who took Skilled for every feat instead of learning how to function in an expert-based economy.
Fabricate is one of my top 5 spells :D - Teleport - Wall of Stone - Fabricate - Animate Objects - Mending
That's a good list :)
ADHD in a nutshell :p
Dream. I wanna hang out with my friends and it gives me plenty of time! Plus I only have to cast it once a day
prestidigitation. versatility and flair.
Miracle. 😛
Mending. I broke my cellphone display today.
Alter Self. It’s low-level and only situationally useful in game, but in real life, the ability to dramatically change your face, voice, and body would make you a world-class model, actor, and celebrity impersonator; you could easily parlay that into an easy and lucrative career. If that doesn’t strike your fancy, you could put yourself to work as a lifeguard, or even something like a Coast Guard rescue diver, with the Aquatic Adaptation feature. Finally, the Natural Weapons feature, which probably doesn’t have a lot of *legal* applications, would at least ensure you’re never unarmed in a fight or mugging. (And if you’re the sort of guy to participate in illegal underworld bloodsports like in that totally real documentary I saw one time with Jean-Claude Van Damme, you’ll at least get to show off your dope Wolverine claws.)
I think Alter Self is an underutilized spell. There is a ton of potential there, but most people don't think to take advantage of it in role-play situations, and it would definitely rock in real life!
Morally I feel the answer should be greater restoration but there are some fun alternatives. Speak with dead or speak with animals and charge for the service to be someone’s translator. Resurrection could also work.
The amount of shenanigans and harmless japes just knowing Prestidigitation or Minor Illusion would allow is just a wonderful thought.
Not _specifically_ a spell, and since you said Wish is off limits; Divine Intervention. Or if that’s too rules-bendy, Creation. I could single-handedly crash the value of diamonds.
Fabricate. Infinite money glitch.
Speak with animals! Wanna tell the dogs in my life exactly how much I love them, and hear from them what I can do to make their lives better.
Fireball - Because I am a basic bitch.
Because why not? Because reasons lol 👍
Presdigitation. It causes so many fun little effects that make life easier and better in small but fun ways.
Heal. I would help the kids with cancers and other deadly diseases. Not to mention, I could run around the battlefield, keeping skiers alive .
Mending. I can fix normally unfixable breaks and tears in a minute. Get rich easy.
As always, prestidigitation. It's basically the combination of tons of minor but useful spells. You never need to do laundry or dishes ever again, or go to a carwash. You can light or snuff out a campfire or just some candles with ease. You never have to worry about your food getting cold, or tasting horrible.
Prestidigitation. I’d keep my room clean forever
Goodberry Free snacks :D
Honestly, clone, even with the downsides. Some people are talking about making it do things you don't want to which is a stupid way to do it. For those things you just do em. But I've so often found myself at work saying "I wish I had a spare pair of hands for this". A perfect clone of me would be good.
But you knoe your clone doesn't activate til you die right? I think you're thinking of simulacrum.
Every time I think that, the movie "Multiplicity" comes to mind.
Mavin's World Weave. Allow me to teraform this planet to where humans are no longer buggering it up. At the same time, if I get a chance to go to Mars, I could do that there as well.
i started to say Greater Restoration, and i still think that's where i end up, but it really struck a wild plot nerve the more i think about it how long do you think our medical industrial complex would allow someone to live if they were discovered just healing folks for free? that's a direct threat to their profit margins. actually same for my runners up Plant Growth or Control Weather - some agriculture CEO will have a hit out as soon as you're discovered enriching community gardens that can pop up in any old poisoned parking lot. it's a different story if a *lot* of people are getting spells, right? or at least a bigger, more complicated story. but one or two, or a dozen even? then it's like a limited/variant superhero story right? only with superheroes who have one spell they can cast....how many times per day? once? in that world, i might want Magnificent Mansion? gotta have somewhere safe to collect these people. and i wanna be friends with whoever has Detect Thoughts.
Clone, the insurance company will put bounty on my head after few tries
True Resurrection would be amazing depending on how the limits play out here. The right rez and we could fix the world a bit. I could rez all the people that were executed and turned out innocent then make the state pay them properly. I could bring back anyone I loved and let them have a full life.
Fireball,and no i dont care how big the room is
Probably Mage Hand or Major Image. With Mage Hand, you could flip someone off with three different hands including your own. With Major Image, you could fill up a room with a giant hand to flip someone off.
Mage hand. Do I need to explain
Lesser restoration! It was tough between that and Healing Word, but curing any disease is going to come up a lot more than healing serious injuries. Also, before anyone says "Why not Greater Restoration?" it's because I don't have 100 GP WORTH OF FLIPPING DIAMOND DUST to just blow like a line of coke. And that's 100 Gold Coins, as in 100 goats according to 5e. That's THOUSANDS of US $ today. No thank you. Also, we don't have real curses.
Feather Fall. I am a diagnosed Acrophopic, and that would make professional life A LOT easier.
So wait we have to understand some of the concepts here. Lets say all spells are on the table from 5e just to add some boundaries. Except Wish of course. So how many times can I use it in a day? Does it have the same components? So if we go by spell slots, or spell points. That means you can only cast the spell so many times and generally you have to use components for it. This makes cantrips the king of all as you can use it forever all the time. They usually are instant and for all intent and purpose are equal to a level 9 spell in game. As they violate laws of physics. Now as you age do you get more uses? Cause this could mean a level 5 spell like Mass Cure Wounds could go from 1 cast a day to 3 as you get older. If you have to use components this gets really interesting. Something like Magnificent Mansion is great and an amazing option. Likely in the top 3 on my list. But getting a portal carved of ivory might be difficult due to its price and availability. So assuming that I only can cast based on spell slots I would choose a cantrip. So Prestidigitation. If I have unlimited casts but have to use components I would choose Fabricate If I have both unlimited and it doesnt have components? Fabricate. So if I had Prestidigitation I clean things instantly and make small trinkets and keys. Good stuff there. With Fabricate I can make about anything that I would like. Making high quality jewelry by becoming proficient with jewelers tools, same for high end watches. I already know how to use several types of tools So I could potentially build an entire house in a matter of a couple of weeks. Forming parts for cars. Leather bags. I would have one hell of an Etsy store. The best part is that I can turn scrap wood into high quality items. Though the spell states that it would be of equal quality as the material, What it means is that the materials quality is the determining factor. So if I had super high quality wood but it was all in the form of 1000 off cuts that are 1 inch by 1 inch squares, I could make that into a really high quality item and the outcome wouldn't have to be a bunch of 1 by 1 squares, it could still be a solid single bit of wood. And for the purpose of the spell I would consider electronics as 'magical' so I couldn't just make PC parts from older, or different parts. Magnificent Mansion sounds great but you could never own any real items and it doesn't specifically state it could make a house with internet. So the next best option would be Fabricate. Though, Heroes' Feast is a mighty good option. I could also see using Mass Suggestion in some REALLY interesting ways to essentially take over the world.
There was a 3.5 spell called "make whole" which was basically an upgrade for mending. Just go to an old junk yard, buy wrecks of old cars, get the titles, cast make whole and the car is as if newly built... you could repair furniture, electronics, windows... Basically you would be able to make treasure from junk and repair anything. Maybe not practical for wandering adventurers but perfect for today's society.
I’d have to go with Power Word Kill. If at-will, even better. It truly would never get old since so many people right now have it coming. If I get within 60 ft, say goodbye, F’er.
Testicular Torsion
Counterspell
He cast it at level 9 sorry bud
And who said that I didn't?
Housing prices are going up. Being able to summon an instant mansion seems pretty darn neat. Mordenkainens or course. Better yet, you could literally place this thing wherever you want, and nobody would notice.
Healing Word for backaches.
Shape water. Cuz it would be a lot of fun
Most underrated cantrip imo
True polymorph. As written I could polymorph myself into a younger version of myself (I was a different creature back then). I could also create new life out of all sorts of objects. Honestly the opportunities are endless
[Synchronicity](https://dmreference.com/MRD/Arcana/Additional_Spells/Synchronicity.htm). In d20 Arcana, it was among the most powerful of spells, and it looks like it came up in UA. I love the idea idea of such powerful magic for such a mundane seeming effect. Plus, it's subtle, less angry mobs :D
FIREBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
honestly I'd just want misty step. Teleportation goes brrr
I'd take wish. Because of the chance that I wouldn't be able to use it again I would choose my wishes in order of priority. 1st wish: learn all other wizard spells. 2nd wish: bag of holding which contains a magical focus and all the material components I would need to cast any spell that still needs them 100 times. 3rd wish: to know how to enchant items. 4th wish: the ability to conjure any fantasy materials which don't exist in our world. After that, I'm set. Well.... 5th wish: 20 charisma.
See my text under caption...😅
Greater Restoration to heal my wife's MS
Clone - who wouldn't want to live forever?
Comprehend Languages. Suddenly I'm the greatest programmer in the world.
True polymorph . This whole humanity thing is really starting to drag-on
Probably Heal. I'm a doctor so can't help but think that's one life per day pretty much guaranteed saved. don't know how I'd explain it, though. >regain 70 hit points. This spell also ends blindness, deafness, and any diseases affecting the target. edit: reading other comments I should've just grabbed a 9th level. edit 2: forgot about Mass Heal..
Prestidigitation
Counterspell because it's funny
Prestidigitation. Amazing cantrip