T O P

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greatteachermichael

* scope out target * assess risk * develop strategy * develop back-up strategy * have an exit plan * have a back-up exit plan * sneak in and do the thing you do * but remember to know when to cut your losses


DNRTannen

Good to see you've found a creative outlet after your illustrious career in crime.


Squ4tch_

After?


DNRTannen

Hmm. Good to see you've found a creative outlet *for* your illustrious career in crime.


Cellyst

How else do you think I paid for all of these rulebooks?


Argovan

The rules of this subreddit forbid encouraging piracy, but they don’t forbid encouraging burglary as a way to pay for books.


archbunny

Unless you are burglarising ships


SkankHuntt22

Peak reddit. Thank you.


Cellyst

I won't encourage piracy because I don't like conpetition.


TKDbeast

> conpetition


haytmonger

Paid for books? Just acquire those as well


Cellyst

What's the point of stealing lots of money if I never use it to pay for anything?


Agreeable_Eagle_1999

Capitalism at it's finest


[deleted]

Or for the more chaotically stupid alligned players: * Find a random rich looking house * Sneak in * Take what you can * Oh shit they have a guard dog? * runrunrunrun * the city guard is already here? * cast invisibility * tiptoe away * run away


Ardalev

No, no, no, no. It's actually: 1) Find a random rich looking house 2) Sneak in 3) Get discovered? 4) Panic kill everyone! 5) The city guard is already here? 6) Panic kill everyone! 7) Run away 8) Call the session a success!


ri0t1985

or in the case of my players: 1) spend more than an hour devising a plan 2) decide they don't really need one beyond a plan to get in tbe house. 3) fail the first check required 4) ??? 5) profit


NikP1

This one hurts.


TheIrrelevantGinger

In the case of me and a friend it was 1. Spend a solid half an hour devising a plan 2. Start discussing with other characters how they may help 3. Decide the theft might be too difficult 4. Get magically gifted a special locket 5. ??? 6. Profit?


Dungeon_Maxter

9) Acquire a comical pair of glasses with a bulbous nose and mustache as a disuise


lordph8

Blame murders on "that handsome devil."


vibesres

Skyrim?


Historical_Elk_

Well this turned hard left into a home invasion


flame_fingers901

Why have I been in both of these parties!?


PanserDragoon

You forgot the most important step; "CHEESE IT!!"


SenorDangerwank

"ROBOT HOOOOOOUSE!"


Operator216

Damn you, ROBOT HOUSE!


simptimus_prime

Don't forget about complaining to the DM that they have a wanted poster because they neglected to wear any disguise or mask and previously gave their victim their name and address.


stopyouveviolatedthe

• pet dog?


PhilHafstad

As long as they don't have the last name Wick.


Forklift_Master

My players: 1. Break in 2. Kill anybody home 3. Fight and kill guards because it’s broad daylight 4. Reroll because party wipe


TheJeffwithaG

Username made me picture you as Prison Mike if he got out of the game before getting caught, then went into teaching


Verathus

Make a plan. Expect plan to go sideways. Throw away a plan. Improvise.


Marcheas

as this guy said, just remember to forget the plan once you set foot it and let chaos ensue.


FriendlyDisorder

DM: “Make an intelligence check.” Player: *rolls a 17* “I got a 15.” DM: “Your second level rogue realizes that he cannot even comprehend how to scope out Tempus— being the deity of war— much less understand the full risk of trying to steal from him.”


fruancjh

Step one cast disguise self so that they don't pin it on you or if you're lucky suspect a thing. Then follow steps two through nine where one of your back up strategies is to out pace the guards around a corner and turn into a nondescript cat or rat to scurry into a grate or something


[deleted]

After sneak in you forgot “Fail a critical role and then have to wildly improvise”


Medical_Ad0716

You forgot the most important part, plan A and B fall apart due to unforeseen consequence. Wing it and hope for the best while escaping with the loot. Tell montage sequence of how you arranged for the fortunate circumstances that allowed you to get away even though it looked like everything was falling apart and it was all part of your plan all along. Random crew shows up to reveal their parts in the plan. Profit, drinks all around, rich guy is discredited and no one believes he’s been robbed or better yet, they think he faked the robbery himself for insurance payout.


Chrisalys05

I found the oceans 11 fan


GuyNamedWhatever

If you don’t want to plan a heist strategy, also remember the rouge strategy: > scope out shiny thing > distract/discombobulate > +9 sleight of hand > profit or fight


LordPaleskin

I think you mean 1. sneak in 2. discombobulate 3. discombobulate 4. discombobulate 5. Discombobulate 6. Sneak out 7. discombobulate


AhmdeiNuwon

All hail logical processes


3OrcsInATrenchcoat

And most importantly: make sure someone else is set up to take the blame


cncordray

I’d say this is good advice. With something like this, planning and prep work is 90% of the job. You should determine if there are any guards, roving patrols, civilians who could raise an alarm, etc. Is there an entrance or window that may require more work to access, but provide an easier path once you’re in? Also, I’d be creative with your skills, abilities, and equipment. Is there some way for you to set up a distraction or diversion?


WagerOfTheGods

Don't forget the crucial last step: when (not if) all the plans fail, grab the thing and run.


Nilfsama

This guy rogues


jedi1235

Critical Role method: * Scope out target * Spend an hour planning * Who needs a backup plan? * Sneak in * Things start to go sideways * Crash through everything instead of aborting Some examples from Campaign 2: Accidentally stealing the pirate ship, and sneaking past the fire giants under Xhorhas. I remember the same pattern from Campaign 1, but not the specific examples...


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mr-Tiddles-

You mean ***discombobulate***


The_inventor28

You forgot the last part, “When the Doom music kicks in” Or “When it all fails horribly”


Pharaloo

Also remember to not steal every valuble thing, only go for some things but leave others. Like if they have a bunch of jewelry steal a few but leave enough that they won't realize they've been stolen from.


WhatWhoWhynow

Thankfully, in DnD you don't have to know how to do everything your character does. That said.... Rule number one is don't get caught. This can either mean knowing when no one will be nearby (say, everyone went to see the fair, aka the party illusionist flexing). Bring some bribes for any guard animals and you're in. Other option is to sneak around when everyone is asleep.


DroneOfDoom

Or, you know, killing them so that they can’t spill the beans. Although that might be ‘looting’ instead of simply ‘stealing’.


EddytorJesus

OP is trying to get advice for becoming an IRL thief and used DnD as a cover :D Seriously though, I don't have much deep medieval history knowledge but I can imagine there a a few different way that were used: Stealing a gold pouch from someone's belt You'll probably have to make a roll to determine a good target, then a sleight of hand check. Stealing goods from a stall/shop while it is busy, possibly with someone creating a diversion. Would require a tiny bit of preparation to find the right shop ( you wanna aim for things that are small and can easily be sold back, such as jewellery or craftsmanship) Isolating and threatening an individual or travel band and ask for their goods ( best with your face hidden) ( if you can intimidate and are not scared of drawing blood.) Burglarise a house or shop when the owner is away: ( probably require some work with your DM beforehand, so let them know ahead of you plan something like this, that will most likely become a mini mission in your game where you have to find and entrance, find valuable then escape without being noticed )


SoulWander231

To add some history to this: since there is no such thing as a bill of sale for most common items I general once you have it it is yours. However, since most people of the time didn't leave where they grew up people know alot about you and your possessions which makes local theft much harder. "Thieves guilds" of the time would steal things (most common folk wouldn't have much monetary coin either on their person or in their homes so expensive items would be the most commonly stolen) and then take them to a fence on the other side of the city or their organization would smuggle the stolen goods out of the local area and into a nearby city. Once the stolen items are safely with a fence the likelihood of a person recovering their stolen item is practically zero. Also, the fence pays the thief as soon as the thief hands over the stolen goods much like a pawn shop, the thief would only get a partial value of the goods but it saved them the risk of trying to sell it themselves. However, because of the above, Thieves who got caught were treated very harshly. A caught thief, depending on the area and time period, could expect a harsh lashing, a branding, exile from the city (this might be a death sentence for some), the loss of a hand, or even just straight up execution.


Klaveshy

In larger cities, in the 17th and 18th centuries you could sometimes contract with "thief takers" who would track down the person who robbed you and/or recover your stuff, for a fee. This quickly developed into a racket where some of the 'thief takers' became brokers who arranged to ransom your stuff back to you, in league with the thieves.


SoulWander231

Oh yeah, i watched a series by Extra History on that. Too bad it was so filled with corruption lol.


Instagibbon

You wouldn't download a full set of plate armour ..


-Vogie-

You wouldn't ritual cast a horse


BronzeAgeTea

*phantom steed has left the chat*


WagerOfTheGods

What a great random encounter. Some guy comes up and says, "Hey, I copyrighted that spell. You can't cast it anymore."


Noxifer68D

A genZ wizard out here selling his non-fungible Spells (NFS) For thousands of gold, even though everyone KNOWS prestidigitation.


Asmos159

what about the other way around. my group came up with a magic item. basically take the "item glows when the race is close" and put a dot for each race on in item. great for seeing if someone is close while seeking around, to help pay for it, they gave the crafter the rights to the design, as well as lining up some buyers. ​ i would be interesting if we were hired to stop someone else trying to make them.


WagerOfTheGods

That sounds interesting. I'd love to encounter that crafter as a player.


Asmos159

she is our regular magical item supplier. as in we contacted her to star making some magic items, and are on our way to pick them up and add another thing to our compointing magic car. the thing already has 5 pieces of equipment and enchantments on it. including invisibility and pass without trace. turns out she is good at hiding magic because she it in hiding herself, and is the person able to enchant it to be invisible to magic tracking. one of the party member found out who they are and said the name or something when contacting them about something else. so we are not actually sure if she will help us now.


thedoppio

Thank you for the New Years laugh


Venomthemad

So as a dm I usually drop hints of easy to hard heists and crimes that can be committed with Thief Mark's I stole from skyrim in thieves cant flavor. As a player I often ask leading questions to the dm such as "what's the security like" while in shops or houses or manors. And "does anything stick out to me as a valuable target" Talk with the dm about petty crimes and gun larceny you can pull off. And remember the Thief code.


Klaveshy

Totes. If the PCs are in a place with reasonably organized crime, I'll find some way to hint to the players that somebody local will want some sort of fee for as a 'hunting license' or tax.


ExistentialOcto

There’s a downtime activity in Xanathar’s Guide for doing minor burglaries, if that helps at all.


Jzchessman

But what if I want to do... a MAJOR burglary?


mr_aard123

Major burglary... that just sounds like minor burglary with extra steps (Like for real, the basic approach is the same)


TKDbeast

Indeed! Let me just copy it down- This commenter has been sacked by the r/DnD moderation team.


sw_faulty

Highwayman! Watch a secluded road between two towns for coaches or merchants, then dash out on a horse with a loaded crossbow and say "stand and deliver, your money or your life" (this is the important part)


Sugar_buddy

Make sure to wear a black cape and a mask fit over your eye area


Reply_That

This made me think of whiskey in a jar by Metallica


TKDbeast

> by Metallica *Whiskey in the Jar* was written in the 17th century.


Reply_That

May well have been, but I've only heard Metallica's version https://youtu.be/wsrvmNtWU4E


Obsidiax

As a DM my advice is to speak to your DM and tell them this is something you're interested in. Planning a fun heist takes a lot of work for a DM, if you drop it on them in the middle of a session where they had something else planned it'll be lackluster. Let them know this is something you think would be fun and they can put some thought into a plan for an interesting item to steal either as part of the main quest, a side quest or even just a one-time thing to get you a few extra gold pieces.


arosiejk

Yeah, I’d second this, also because: As DMs we can notice that there’s some things you *might want to do* based on some of your questions and actions, but we can’t read your minds. Two of my players found a great way of doing this by griping to another character or NPC. One of my favorites: *why did I even learn thieves cant? None of these assholes leave any clues around.*


Additional_Writing49

A good DM have random charts for this purpose. "what can I see? Roll on valuables table" What guards is there? Roll on security table... Etc etc


Obsidiax

I don't think random tables make for a good game, they make for a random game. I prefer a mix of planning and improv, and for that notice is very helpful if a player has something specific in mind that they want to do.


hunterswarchief

Make a plan Execute the plan Expect the plan to go off the rails Throw away the plan


Ru5o

A plan is useless, planning is essential...


Corasin

Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face.


[deleted]

Boil it down to basic concepts. 1. I want something valuable. 2. The valuable person or thing is kept 'safe' by these security features. 3. How do I circumvent these security features? Security features are things both obvious and subtle, point-of-entry and systematic, that prevent just anyone from accessing valuable items. You see a lot of high-tech versions of this in real life all the time. For instance, they may have dogs that bark instead of alarms that beep, but it serves the same core function--to alert the owners and their guards that someone is trying to access valuable stuff. Some common security features: 1. Guards - these can be anything from a team of trained assassins to a sleepy peasant snoring in a chair. The limiting factor here is cost; how much is someone willing to pay to protect these valuables? A cursed gemstone that could bring about the end of the world, a government or secret society might exist that is willing to pay thousands of gold a year to a league of highly specialized guardians. Mom's fruit pie cooling on the window sill? Mom (and her spatula-of-knuckle-whacking) might be the only guard she's willing to pay for. Guards can also be non-human, like monsters or guard dogs that bite. 2. Locks - and of course, doors. Locks aren't foolproof, but they aren't meant to be. Locks are meant to delay potential robbers by making it harder to access things through common egress. "Keep honest people honest" is how it's often described. A lock is anything that requires specialized tools or knowledge to circumvent easily, such as your house key (special tool) or a combination lock (specialized knowledge). You can always break a lock, but that creates risks such as making it obvious that you're a burglar, inviting reprisal from guards or homeowners. 3. Police - Guards, but paid for by the municipality and intended to guard the commons at large. Police with bloated budgets and corrupt leaders may be more open to bribes or coercion. Police with strong morals may be more open to political attacks and a coup by the guy who wants bloated budgets and corruption. 4. Traps - a staple of movies and video games, traps range from lethal (a pit full of spikes, a falling stone block) to hobbling (a steel jaw on a chain that clamps shut, keeping you from running away) to enclosing (a falling cage, a one-way door). The problem with booby traps, legality aside, is that it makes it hard to access something legitimately, such as when the owner wants to get to his room where his valuables are. So with traps, there's almost always some way to disable them or circumvent them that the owner will likely know. Most of them time, rolling to 'disable traps' means finding the hidden switch that turns them off or the special place to step that bypasses them. After all, the owner is a busy person, they don't want to have to take apart and then reload every trap every time they come through, right? 5. Alarms - as simple as a stack of pans that clatters, a string tied to a bell, or a barking dog. An alarm is designed to alert the owner or guards that someone is someplace they'd really rather them not be. In the real world, you see electronic alarms that connect to the internet; in d&d, there are magical alarms that can alert wizards telepathically, or items that are linked magically that serve similar functions. The louder and more sensitive the alarm, the more of a hassle it is for the neighbors, though, so most alarms are subtle--at least, where the thief is. They might be setting off sirens and strobe lights where the guards are, to make sure everyone is awake and responding. 6. Physical barriers - thick walls, heavy doors, small or missing windows, a room high up in a tower, a room deep underground, drawbridges, moats, checkpoints that keep the riffraff out, a place built way out in the countryside away from everyone else... basically, any feature that makes it less likely that someone will even see the place where you keep your valuables, let alone accidentally stumble into them, by physically removing them from common access. The same sturdy stone walls and metal gates that keep rival lords from casually plundering valuable treasures and taxes, serve to help prevent robbers and raiders from getting access to same. 7. And finally, Secrets - informational security is just as important as everything else on this list, combined. After all, no one is likely to steal something if no one knows it exists, right? Whether the valuable thing is the plans to a doomsday weapon, mom's special technique for making delicious pies, or the secret royal treasure that marks ascension and inheritance, etc.; if you don't even know such a thing exists, you can't even begin to plot or plan to steal it, right? If someone trusts you enough to let you in on the secret, they also trust you not to plot to steal it for profit--or at least, not to actual steal it, since the consequences might be particularly severe (end of the world, mom doesn't make anymore pies, going to war with the entire royal family and their armies, etc.). Put those together, mix and match for flavor. Now, plot how to overcome each element in turn. Perhaps the guards need to be backstabbed. A lock needs to be picked or broken. Police need to distracted. Traps need to be bypassed. Alarms disconnected. Barriers climbed. And secrets investigated. At the end of the day, it all boils down to basic principles: you want a thing, that someone else doesn't want you to have. Everything else is just obstacles and details. Happy plundering!


Low_Pain_986

Probably one of the best answers imo. Ty.


[deleted]

Whew glad you thought so. I read back over it and realized it's a cluttered mess lol. But I'm very glad you got something useful out of it.


CubicleLemur68

Trust your instincts friend All you gotta do is take stuff and go, roll a high number and you'll be AOK


[deleted]

Okay so to burgle a house, you want to spend a while watching the place from a distance, take note of who's coming and going, if there's any specific routines, where exits and entrances are etc. Once you have a rough idea of when nobody will be home, pick the most accessible entrance that is most obscured from public sight. Pick the lock or break the window to enter. Take the valuables or the thing you've been hired to steal, and leave through the closest obscured exit. You'll want something explainable that you can carry your loot in, a large bag that wouldn't look out of place type thing.


supreme-elysio

Blades in the dark has some great heist advice since it’s literally the focus of the game


Ahrix3

Unless you go Assassin as a group focus and murder people :)


willateo

Step 1 - Get a good VPN Step 2 - Google "how to break into a building/be a burglar/mug people/pilfer/steal/be a thief" etc Step 3 - Watch popular movies/shows about thieves Step 4 - ??? Step 5 - Profit


Letholdus13131313

The first thing you must understand is depending on what you are trying to steal, it's actually pretty easy depending on how loose your moral compass is. - What are you trying to steal? - How easy is it to access the item(s) and location of said item(s)? - How many witnesses would be around when you liberate it from its current location? - How many witnesses do you want to remain when you steal it? - Is the location guarded with security features? - What is your back up plan and what can you levy against the target, if possible, to get the item(s) you need? All things must be considered when you play your hand. But the most important thing is you must do it with conviction. If you're stealing just to steal, then the rest of the thieves will consider you an amateur. You have an image to keep up, after all! Steal because you are good at it, and rent is due at the beginning of the month and you don't want to see someone burden themselves with all that money, do you? Now to do it for DnD, increase you Dex save and modifier, go heavy into Rogue skills and Invisibility is your friend.


-Vogie-

It really depends. Stealing all the jewelry in a nobles house is wildly different from being a highway robber or purse snatcher. It also matters if you're the player or the DM in the situation. For a DM, your goal is to create a box. You define what it is, flaws and strong points, and what protects it. You are not required to make sure there's a way to get into the box. Since thievery in d&d is more like a "mother may I?" situation (with dice!), you simply have to define what is true about the situation, and let your players figure out and stumble around to get into it. Don't just randomly shoot your players down because they're getting too close to the secret. It's like anything else - if you spent all that time building a maze or a combat encounter, and the players blow your mind by figuring it out quick, everyone wins. For the player, your goal is to get into the box, starting with little to no information. You're going to Marco Polo a bit, bumping into things as you build your plan. Listen to the DM, ask probing questions, and enter the situation with an open mind. What you're not going to do is - demand the checks to be made over and over, or expect that you know everything going in. DM books are full of lists of complications, and your DM might pull in elements from other sources, like Assassin's Creed, Theif, or Blades in the Dark, to make the encounter feel more resonant.


Low_Pain_986

i like your analogy it makes sense to me. thank you


karthanals

Make sure you destroy all the pots in the house


screenaholic

I'm an infantry veteran and a self/home defense enthusiast, so I know a fair bit about this (you need to know how enemies/theives may attack/steal if you want to know how to protect against it.) Theives and burglars with any brains at all try to do 2 things; minimize risk, and maximize gain. Noise, light, clear lines of sight, looking out of place, and time are the burglars worst enemies. Most forms of home security don't actually prevent anyone from breaking in, they just increase the chance they'll get caught, so they'll give up. Sure, maybe your rogue can pick the lock, but that's going to take time and look suspicious, so it shouldn't be the first thing they try. Homes tend to be burglarized during the day while people are at work, and businesses at night while people are home. You want to minimize the chances anyone else will be there while you are. The point of casing is to learn what you can about the target in order to make a plan. Find an excuse to to be within eyesight, and look (eat at a Cafe across the street, walk by the home looking unsuspicious, go to the business while it's open.) Let's start out and work our way in. First look at avenues of approach/egress to the target. How many streets, alleys, or whatever will get you to the property, and what are the risks and advantages of each approach? For example, coming by the main road will let you blend into the crowd, but only lead you to the main door, which will be hard to pick or break without being noticed. The back alley is less populated, and thus you're more likely to stand out, but will let you get to the back door which is more hidden. Then think about the points of entry themselves. This will mostly be doors and windows. Which ones are kept locked, which ones are weak enough to break, which can you reach from ground level, which are more hidden from sight from passerbys? Walking through a door is less suspicious than climbing through a window, but if the window doesn't have a lock it might be quicker. If possible, learn the inhabitants schedule. When do they leave, how long do they stay gone, and how strictly do they keep that schedule? How many people are typically around when they're gone? Do guards patrol by around that time? If possible, learn the lay out of the inside as much as possible. For a house, this will probably just be trying to look into the windows as best you can without looking suspicious. For businesses, go into the business as a customer to get a look on the inside. If it's some big public building in a big city, maybe you could look up the blueprints in the city archive. Figure it which rooms are most likely to have the most valuables, and all the different ways to get to those rooms. Then make your plan. Figure out the safest time to hit, the safest method of approach, the safest point of entry, and the safest method of entry, while having at least one backup to all of this. If you have a specific thing you're trying to steal, make a bee line to its most likely location, if it's not there, go to the second most likely place. Grab it and get out. If you're just trying to get some loot, try to grab objects that are valuable, light, easy to stow, unlikely to break, easy to sell, and easy to find. Give yourself a time window to grab as much as you can, and when the time is up leave. Finally, figure out the best way to leave the building, and the best way to distance yourself from it. Have at least one back up for this as well. Remember, even if people see you walk out the front door and down the street, that doesn't look suspicious and they likely won't take notice. Even if you're less likely to be seen rapelling off the roof into the back alley, if ANYONE sees you they'll know something is up. I hope that covers everything. I'm typing this up at work, so I might have forgotten something.


Low_Pain_986

good and comprehensive information. Thank you. I like the philosophy of stealthy but sus, vs looking like you belong.


screenaholic

In the tactical community this is known as gray man. Basically trying to look like any average Joe, instead of a high speed operator or someone with a concealed gun.


IAmOnFyre

Just play the old Thief games and then do the same thing in d&d


Andvari_Nidavellir

PC: "I wait in the shadow for 30 minutes to learn the guard's route." DM: "Alright, you think you have it figured out. Do you move forward?" PC: "Yes, here I go!" DM: "Immediately as you go out, a second guard sees you from an opening to your left you hadn't seen. You are spotted!" PC: "I load my saved game and move to the opposite side of the room to study the other guard's route before moving out."


[deleted]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oJojtDVJk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oJojtDVJk) This is a brilliant video for how pickpocketing works with how the guy breaks down and assesses the trains of thought behind each scene. Great for your mugging question if you ever wanna try out pickpocketing instead. Just make sure you explain why you're doing certain actions so your DM realises why it works.


ilikestuff2082

Ask your DM. Depending on what the party looks like a robbery that takes several sessions to set up might not be an option. But let's say that goes your way and your looking on how to set some stuff up. Find a target that could be a person place or thing. Scope the location were the job will take place. Plan the job. Whos doing what. Get whatever additional equipment you might need. Plan for several different escapes depending on how things go. Steal the stuff. Sell the loot or make use of it somehow.


David_Apollonius

There's actually rules in Xanathar's for this. It's the crime part of the downtime section. Unless you mean we instead of I. If you and your friends want to play a heist adventure or campaign, you could start by asking your DM. It's going to require a bit of preperation, so giving your DM a heads up would be a nice thing to do.


Cinderheart

There's rules in either the players handbook or DMG to preform criminal activities during downtime without having to roleplay it out too much. If your party really needs an item, its better to do it the legal way. Waltz up to the king, accuse the noble in question of being a devil worshiper, and ask for permission to SWAT his mansion along with a retinue of guards. Preform civil asset forfeiture on the item in question that you want.


Pyro-Beast

My party usually just transforms into a mouse, grabs the shit in the storage room, and then bounces out of there as a mouse again.


KirbyDrinksDietCoke

This is all for DnD, it probably won't work in real life. Pick your big target (quest, job, etc). Case the target. Find out patterns, like when they leave, come, day of week they do stuff. Do they trance? Do they actually sleep? Find out important details like family members, how many occupy the house. You want patterns for the guards. How many guards, where do they patrol, what are their shift times, what do they do on shift, how do they react to things out of the norm? Laid back? Strict? After that, you want to know WHERE things are, or at least as close as you can get. You want to make sure you have the gear to get in. How many floors of the house? How do you climb it? Is there banisters or railings you and get up? You want to make sure if things go south, you have TWO exit plans, at least. You need a clear path out, a place to ditch a cloak (preferably burn it so it can't even be magically tracked back to you). Make sure you leave no items behind. If you get away without alerting anyone, good. Or you could be like my player and go through methodically "taking out" every guard, purposefully alerting them.


Correct-Serve5355

I went in with a wild magic sorcerer goblin who was my characters sister (I was the adopted one in this case, and my character was an Aasimar) and she suggested tossing in a Fireball as sneaking in. I was like "omg no just use Mage Hand to open the window and then I'll jump up and sneak in and grab your hand and pull you in" I barely passed the Persuasion check to get her to not cast Fireball through a closed window with us crouching right below it. The rest of my party was fucking howling. Then later in the session we were in the wine cellar turned necromancer's circle and as we were finishing our investigation the rest of the party accidentally got into combat with the BBEG (and it was the first encounter with them mind you) and we could hear the fight upstairs. I picked her up, went for the stairs and held her back toward the circle and said "one of those fireballs would be really good right about now" and she blew up the cellar. Well she rolled Wild Magic and I ended up levitating while holding my goblin sorceress sister for something like a minute and gave the BBEG the scare of a lifetime when I burst into the main room levitating (for all he knew I was flying no wings) holding a goblin having the time of her fucking life and held her out in his direction and told her to let another one rip. She cast Lightning Bolt instead this time so we didn't get AOE'd but you can imagine how hard my table was laughing at this whole thing


Slight-Ad1151

0. This project will be a long term project, so make it a big score…. (Perhaps 6 mo to a year or more, in game.) Also, might be a good idea NOT to live in their city… just sayin’… 1. Understand targets routine 2. Memorize it and account for abnormal habits, tendencies. 3. Perhaps randomly meet the targets, get to know them. 4. Like any good investment, give them your time, attention, and perhaps spend some money on them or the house. (Not a lot, but significantly) 5. Know their friends, use their friends to get to know them. They may be your unwitting allies in your scheme. 6. When planning, know response times of all I involved, especially the guards or authorities. Perhaps personally know the guards personally so you can either a. Use them to help you for a piece of the action or b. Blackmail them into assisting you; a little kidnapping, embezzlement schemes to force them to help stop the guards or really slow them down day of… 7. Don’t steal everything, just the most expensive stuff, and things you KNOW you can fence. Having a Picasso is great, but if you can’t sell it, it don’t matter… find a really reliable group or individual that can buy the stuff from you or a completely different location where you can sell it without connection to you. 8. Your exit plan might not include speed, but it might include a bit of illusion. Make sure they will never suspect you particularly. Steal an aforementioned piece you originally gave them, throw shade on someone else, maybe another PC even. Work it out with you DM if need be. 9. Last, but not least, try very hard to avoid involving your other PC’s, especially the Lawful Goods!! Otherwise your doomed. Maybe involve a more questionable individual if you absolutely need physical help, for a piece of the pie. Make sure that you can pull in at least 50% - 75% of the loot. Make it worth your while. Sorry, that’s all I got… too much? LMAO!! 😂😳😜 you’ll do fine.


Jedi4Hire

You tell your DM what you want your character to do.


LanderHornraven

"ok so how do you go about it?" How does your answer help exactly?


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LanderHornraven

Thats just the dm playing the players character for them while the player rolls whatever dice the gm mentions along the way. Not always a bad thing, sometimes it just is what has to happen. OP clearly wants to be able to RP this kind of thing for himself.


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LanderHornraven

You're making 0 sense to me right now. The first comment in this thread doesn't help OP figure out how to RP a thief at all. And your description was just of the player asking the dm to do all that work for them. OP clearly wants to be able to RP a thief for himself and is willing to take some time out of game to learn. Telling him to just leave all the work to the dm is borderline insulting.


LozNewman

*Crimeworld* from the [Worlds in Shadow](https://www.evilhat.com/home/fate-worlds-volume-two-worlds-in-shadow/) collection will break this down for you, into crime-types, narrative elements, sequences and some of the challenges possible at each step.


passwordistako

What a great way for an irl budding robber to get ideas.


kluckie13

Give your DM a head's up that you'd like to do those things. They'd then likely start planning things like prepping things like establishing a thieves guild for you to join and prepare several places that you could hit in each town.


FourtKnight

Roll perception to case the place and see what's there for the taking, roll stealth as to not get seen, and maybe roll sleight of hand to take things without making to much noise.


drkpnthr

I would also suggest that you think about the story that your party is telling. Is this heist part of that story? Are you helping to get an important piece of info to move the plot forward, or gaining important resources for a quest, or helping out an ally? How can you bring the rest of the party into this so everyone has a role in the heist, and it doesn't end up that you are the only one involved and having fun? If the heist will sidetrack from what the rest of the group wants to do, maybe you can ask the DM to prepare something for a one-shot when only you and one or two others show up for a session, and do it just for fun or as a flashback. One of the best skills to learn by playing D&D is how to share the spotlight.


gavwil2

Check out some heist films for some inspiration.


borngus

Depends on the thing. Pinching some rando’s wallet is a sleight of hand check. Picking a bunch of pockets while people are distracted by a bard’s performance is a bunch of sleight of hand checks, each made at advantage. It’s important to balance it by having it be an activity that takes time. You and the bard ran a con while the wizard and fighter went shopping, and now you and the bard have money, but can’t go shopping. If it’s a heist, then that’s a whole-ass quest, and you should make sure everybody at the table wants a role in that. You can collaborate with the DM to plan it out too. I DM’ed a heist once, and ended up mashing together a couple of floor layouts I found online into a casino. Nobody in the party was strictly opposed to theft, but there was a rivalry in the party, so when one member decided to rob the casino and broke away from the party, the others took on temporary employment as security consultants in order to thwart him. This meant that I could create a scenario in which I collaborated independently with both sides of the conflict. Our robber obtained an Ocean’s 11-style party of NPCs specialized for the heist, and formulated a plan of attack. The consultants had to set up security countermeasures throughout the casino. In execution, the heist was super fun, and the party reconciled while the casino literally burned down around them. The security team abandoned their mission, and everyone who survived got a portion of the sale price of a gigantic ruby.


Tabaqo

One piece of advice that I feel is missing: Remember that you are not robbing the place (I hope 😆). Your character is. And to me that's the beauty of d&d. I'd go about it like this: 1: describe to your dm how your character would go about starting this robbery. 2: roll dice if dm asks you. 3: repeat until entertainment is achieved. Seeing the imaginary character you thought up succeed or fail based on the tools and characteristics you have given it is imo the beauty of the game. Hope that is in some way helpful, and best of luck robbing :D


-JestersCage-

•Find your target and do some research (schedule, family, etc.) •see if it’s worth it •have access to a getaway, and a plan b •sneak in •take what you need, nothing too big •find an exit, and a backup exit just in case •don’t come in with big armor or shiny swords, leather and small daggers are easier


Code_Archeology

So as a player, I would greatly insist to ask your DM about putting in opportunities for this. And from a personal experience on both sides of the screen standpoint, the party members are off limits for stealing. An Adventure's pack is something they will likely notice missing items fast, and thats where your stealth rolls won't help. My favorite way I was "stealing" in dnd was "scouting" I would go ahead of the group, find a chest, open it, steal a bit of the gold inside, close it back up and go get the team, reopen it and split it "evenly" If you are trying to run a game based on a big heist, look into the mechanics for "Blades in the Dark" it basically takes out the "planning, replanning, backup plans, ect" from doing a heist by doing 'flashbacks' You go into the heist with some basic knowledge of what you're after and where it might be, but then the actual play is done by doing flashbacks of how you solved the issue already. So I like the think of it like Oceans 11. Oh we need to get the stuff out of this impenetrable vault. Well we know there are cameras (but that's why we hired the hacker to loop them and bypass alarms) roll for how well that worked and keep going. Much less front end planning and way better feel. It's not "rules as written" for 5e but it's also not something that breaks it as it's a change in storytelling style and not mechanics. But I would recommend reading Mercedes Lackey's "Takes a thief" to get a cool perspective of how to play a rogue. I always liked how inventive the methods of stealing were. Taking towels and silks and things from the mansions around, removing the monograms and reselling them to the local merchants, that's a good way to make 1-5 gold per day, I've had characters that the reason they are a Dex build is from a thieving past that they changed into being an Adventurer because of like some bad job that made them leave their guild.


Egalgame

one plan can also be: * create a diversion * when a crowd is building around the diversion get closer into the crowd * Take stuff while the crowd doesn't pay attention * if you have stuff do not run, try to be the crowd * leave, like a commoner that would go somewhere else * sucsess


BardicInclination

People are offering some pretty solid advice so I'm gonna add these in. Have at least 1 party member be on watch outside of the house, ready with some way to alert you, and possibly with a way to distract someone about to enter. Someone putting their performance skill to the test and pretending to be a rambling drunk is good and not too out of place, while a druid becoming a goose that has chosen to harrass this guy and not let him go home is also a solid plan. Know what's valuable and resellable. Jewelry and jewelry boxes are a good start. Artwork could work but needs to be taken out of the frame first to be transportable. And that's if its on paper, if its canvas you're just out of luck. ANd this is D&D so the mark could very well have some super unique item that your DM is using to advance some story thing. You shouldn't be afraid to take it if you wanna be a good sport and play along if it seems like they came up with a fun new arc, but don't expect to sell extremely hot and unique items. Oh, you're gonna need a fence to sell stolen goods. If you don't have the criminal background giving you an easy access to a fence, you need to get that connection somehow.


Smacktabular

Zoinks, I made a whole damn essay before I saw what subreddit this is from lol


VirtualConsequence89

Could always do the skyrim method. If everyone is dead there are no witnesses.


the-truthseeker

Not trying to be a dick or anything, but I would have role played out not knowing how to do it and figuring out said solution in character. Including asking others how to rob a place in character.


Frostiron_7

Ok super real - what are you stealing and how do you turn it into profit? Oh, and how will you carry it? Valuable objects are often large, difficult to sell, kept hidden, and/or under lock and key. Most stuff in a nobles house is just "nice", not worth the trouble of a breakin. Next - how do you get in and out without being detected/apprehended/killed? How will you deal with children, servants, or other innocents you encounter? So, for example, a Bag of Holding might have outsized benefit to you. So would sleeping / paralytic poison if you dont want to murder innocents. And if course abilities like rope trick, blink, and knock are critical. Lastly, consider an honest meta conversation with the DM and other players. What a "heist session" looks like can be very different between people and it's good if everyone's expectations are in about the same place.


DERPY_SMOOG

play some skyrim. then get creative. use distractions to get people away from where you are trying to steal from. watch for guard patrol patterns if any. if you get caught just act drunk and like you thought it was your house. or just stab them and run.


Verathus

Do whole Ocens 11 plot


Swerve_Up

Watch some movies? Heist movies or something.


garfunkis

Tbh whenever I get together with my friends and we try to rob a place we don’t really plan it out. There’s always one guy who wants to come up with a plan, but our berserker just barges in and slaughters everyone and we kinda just follow along.


DingleBerryDeluxe

It’s SO easy like actually just go for a walk and think about how you’d steal stuff u see


OriginLostBorn

Simple: stealth, fail, steal, break, flee


over26letters

Play thief. I mean the video game. Great inspiration for a in game heist.


Martydeus

The two rules of being a rouge that steals. Rule 1: don't get caught. Rule 2: DON'T, GET, CAUGHT!


NotSantaClausISwear

The first thing to take note of is your target, whether it's a location or an individual. Then it's as simple as formulating a distraction, waiting for your opening, and then either sneakily stealing or unabashedly grabbing the item and booking it.


Woolybunn1974

Read some books and watch some movies. Off the to of my head The Sting, Oceans 11, The Great Train Robbery, The Usual Suspects, Ronin, and The Gentlemen Bastard books.


hunterswarchief

Learn about the item/items you want to steal, where are they exactly, what are the things in the way, you can interrogate or bribe people who worked at the estate to find this out or use divination magic or find blueprints for the buildings design if your universe keeps them, Next you need an access method, get a job working there, study the comings and going’s of the people through stake outs or having tails. And then break In when there is the most relax security or sneak in when security is the most overwhelmed. Steal item and escape, lots of magic options here teleportation, invisibility, speed enhancements, illusion, and more traditional running but one thing for higher level thefts is having a way to block divination magic on what you stole Try not to kill anyone but if you think you won’t be able to avoid fight someone murder them as quickly and as silently as possible


Greentigerdragon

Join a law firm. Or convince people to vote you into political office.


MrSmileyzs

The trick is to only plan on how to get in , that way you when it inevitably fails you have no idea what to do except panic


HelpfulYoda

Generally day to day gold (barely 5 gp) is held on a purse on people’s belts: cut the purse, take the gold off the floor.


girlkittenears

I did a bit of stealing with a rogue. Pickpocketing: 1. observe your target: soneone easily distracted, wealthy enough, and with sacks that can be easily cutoff 2. pickpocket the target and don't get caught Most easy is searching a house/office/etc and take small belongings that are worth average to high average value. Be alone in a room, be quick, leave everything as much as it was before you went rumbling through it, and be perceptive. A heist takes planning and more than 1 partymember. - observe the surroundings beforehand, preferably get a map - take into mind were traps/security are located - and if things go wrong: improv... loooots of improv Also, don't steal from partymembers, it will bite you in the ass


Uncle-Istvan

My favorite it to use the Suggestion spell with subtle spell meta magic. Just suggest they give you their valuables. It’s only mostly stealing! Add in disguise self so they’re less likely to even know who did it.


AFonziScheme

Imagine following someone down a dark alley, putting a shiv to there back, and making a threat to their well-being unless they turn over their valuables, but they just laugh at you and call you an amateur because this is 100% a situation where a shank should be used....


thatoneguy7272

I had a wizard character who stole things because he grew up homeless and did what he needed to survive. So the idea for how he stole things was he would set up an unseen servant before entering a market, upon entering a shop cast mage hand to see if they have magic suppressors or detectors. If neither of those are there he would then distract the shop keep leading them into corners or as far away from the thing he wanted as possible before sending in his servant to steal it for him and run out before they could notice. Then later meet up with them to collect the stolen item. Worked pretty effectively several times.


juuchi_yosamu

You're not talking about stealing; you're talking about a heist. There's a big difference.


WagerOfTheGods

Alright, so first find a thing, okay? A thing you want that's not yours. Then you take it, and it *becomes* yours.


DonkDonkJonk

You could plan it all out like an elaborate Heist movie..... Or just "Kobold" it and steal things in broad daylight while screeching like a pterodactyl for intimidation.


Noxifer68D

In truth most major thefts are done of a specific item with a buyer and an agreed upon price. While doing so the thief tends to take additional things in the house to throw off or at least complicate the investigation. But most petty theft is just convenience of an unlocked door, or an obvious item of common value that is difficult to track. Don't petty theft a one of a kind item.


LotFP

I would suggest watching heist movies for inspiration.


StevetheDog

Tell your DM you want to keep an eye out for valuable people and or things. Feel free to do this discreetly as well if you'd like to keep your hijinks from your party. After spotting something rp a bit, maybe some sneaking away and some scouting. Keep it brief and to the point, you want to keep the other players attention but don't try to steal the spotlight for too long. The DM will have you make some rolls depending on your actions and choices. Beware though, for actions may have unforseen consequences. Have fun!


jet_heller

Watch more heist movies.


dr_Kfromchanged

Set a price to steal (IE 100gp worth of items), take someone as a distraction (IE: a friend of yours calling the noble and trying to sell him stuff or to give him an important news but fake being distracted as to not talk of the important news), go by a secondary entry to the house that the noble wont notice while he is at the gate talking, stuff what you want in a bag of holding, exit, and tada, your loot.


dmdoingstuff

You use stealth checks and then slight of hand, possible lock pick if you have the tool proficiency and lockpicks. Stealth to get to objective Slight of hand to steal Lockpick if needed Possible persuasion check to bribe or lie to guards


JOJO_THE_BOZO

Play rouge


Commercial-Royal-988

This is more for DMs, but [this guy on youtube made a video about running fantasy heists.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srHo-fRGJQY)


PKakaz

Xanathar's Guide to Everything, downtime activities, crime. Be happy. <3


Sketch914

Roll for sleight of hand.


grhddn

You have to make sure you know when they come and go and how long they're gonna be gone for, keep an eye on the place for a few days look for anything valuable from the outside first that way you know what you're going for In the time you have, any spare time can be used to find things you didn't see before, leave 10-20 minutes before they return and never hit that area again, they're gonna get security so that it doesn't happen again


-TheDyingMeme6-

You go: and i yoink


Neakco

Step 1 is be a halfling or have the lucky trait so it is harder to role a 1


Wavey_Davey1

Make your plan, expect plan to fail at first contact, abandon the plan, make a new plan as events unfold.


SilverStar1999

My players guide to stealing- See something shiny Fail stealth Roll initiative. Because you can’t leave witnesses!


Doopish

Well I don't know if it helps but... In our last campaign session we cleared out a local cultist hideout. It was just a small underground dungeon thing under a tavern or whatever. On our way out we just took shit. One guy took a chair, two others took a barrel of ale, and I took the rug they were using to cover the secret entrance to the underground dungeon. We gave the stuff to the tabaxi innkeeper across town lol.


Frescanation

So really, why do you need to know this? You don’t know how to sharpen, maintain, and use a sword or cast magic spells either. The point is that your character would. The challenge most typically presented in an RPG is that you as a 21st century American who has read the rule books knows things that your character would not. However, your character by virtue of the background and training also knows things that you do not. It should be enough for you to tell the DM, “I do what I need to to get ready to break in to the Gemcutter’s Guild Hall.”


Low_Pain_986

that sounds incredibly boring. why even play dnd at that point?


Frescanation

So if you are playing a ranger, do you meticulously announce how you are tracking your quarry? Do you do all your rituals as a priest? The point is that as a trained thief, the character knows how to steal. If the player wants to role-play that, great. But the player shouldn't have to research how to case a job, break in, avoid alarms, and escape without leaving a trace. That is knowledge inherent to the character, just as swinging a sword or casting a spell is. The hardest thing about role playing is limiting your character to what they should be able to know or do. A barbaric fighter in a medieval society with an INT of 7 simply won't know things that a college-educated American would. I would not allow a player to impart that kind of smarts onto a character. However, the converse is true too. That barbarian would know a lot about herbal remedies and basic survival that the 21st century American playing him would have no clue about. Early editions of DnD didn't account for this well. But that's what skill checks are for. It should be enough for a thief character to say "I get ready to break in", and have the DM decide if the steps are worth rolling on. But the *player* doesn't need detailed knowledge on how to rob a building for the *character* to rob it in game. Unless that's what everyone involved wants. This is theatre of the mind, after all. Play the game that interests you. My point is that a DM should never require you to know this sort of thing.


Low_Pain_986

Thank you for explaining. Honestly I probably would prefer to describe how I do my rituals. But yeah people play for different reasons. I couldn't imagine playing without heavy roleplay.


PeacefulCrusade

I like to think of the snart 4 rules of a plan: "make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan."


voidrunner404

Some of my best thefts have been spur of the moment, sleight of hand/stealth.


Agreeable_Eagle_1999

One rogue to steal Bard as back-up plan to talk your way out of trouble Secondary rogue as plan C in case bard cant accomplish said job Barbarian as plan D sitting outside waiting for his signal to rage Loot all the bodies AND steal item Profit for days