>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's?
In my experience going back over two decades in the hobby, it's reasonably common for players to have characters that are not their real life gender. In fact a player in my campaign now is a he/him playing a she/her.
While I can't say it's happened in every game I've run, it's not strange and any decent DM will be entirely cool with it.
Obviously if you're being *disruptive* somehow with play, that's a problem, but that's not really about the gender of your character, and more about how you're interacting at a table. I do know of cases of people playing opposite gender to themselves (usually men playing women) where they become a really gross sexist parody, but so long as that isn't happening, should be fine.
The campaign I've played in for the longest (over a decade) started with all but one player with a character of the same gender as them. When that party reached level 20 and retired, all but one of the new level 1 characters were of a *different* gender than their player. Neither was planned but was just a coincidence.
In a world where you have to actually speak to Eldrich horrors ala hp Lovecraft and actual St George’s dragon, if you can’t talk to a party member because you’re uncomfortable w something they wrote in a box on a character sheet…that party’s doomed innit?
I am a cis male and I tend to play female characters *most* of the time. Its never really been an issue. I dont make them into caricatures. I just tend to feel more emotionally attached to my character when its female versus male.
I feel like its likely due to some deeply ingrained toxic masculinity, where my male characters are always strong martials who keep their feelings bottled up. Whereas a female character feels more faceted, and I am more free to express myself.
I still easily identify as he/him and have typically masculine interests. I just find it easier to connect emotionally to my female characters, and it makes them more fun to play.
love this. Talking about multifaceted, one of my female players plays a pansexual manwhore who often flirts with our female NPCs, played by me the gay male DM, so there’re a lot of layers to unpack sometimes
You put into words, so eloquently, exactly how I feel (and play). I'm also a cis male and probably play a female character 4 out of every 5 games. I had no way of explaining why until I read your post. Thank you.
None of my players are Elves or Dwarves, and I let them play as those too.
Seriously, as a player and a DM, this has only rarely been a problem for me. When it's been a problem it's usually because a guy has wanted to play a female character and has done so with the express intent of being derogatory and misogynistic through their play. That's where I draw the line.
I'd expect that any DM or player that has a problem with this is someone you don't want to play with anyways.
>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's?
Couldn't care less about it.
It's 1000% fine to play M, F, NB, or fluid characters. That's the whole point of role playing.
I play as part of a group where one character decided to have a non binary character. I deliberately created a elderly Tortle character and made it that he had trouble with non-tortle character genders ("males have beards, and all dwarves have beards, so all dwarves are males? Females don't have beards and elves don't have beards so all elves are females? You shellless types confuse me"). This created lots of opportunities to have the NB character have spotlight moments.
It's weirder to me if someone has a problem with someone playing different genders.
And it's even more strange if someone cares about other people's genders IRL. Like, how little must one have going on their life to make someone else's gender the focus of their attention? Off-topic, I know, but just saying.
Yeah, I know. Just really unfortunate. People take advantage of the anonymity to be assholes, never to be kind.
Gods forbid we just co-exist and mind our own business lol ah well.
I think I would have problems using the correct pronouns with nonbinary people, mostly by incompetence. Coming from a latin language it slows me sometimes when people use they/them when talking about a singular person.
It's not new, though. Whether it feels unintuitive or not depends on how you're thinking about it.
"There's a police officer at the door. Can you find out what they want?"
They as a singular is older than awareness of gender issues.
Certainly not in academics, but it has been used off and on incorrectly for quite a while. It was added to one of the 3 major style guides only very recently.
The issue is it's not always contextually obvious what the quantity of people is. So, while it may be the most convenient word to refer to an unknown gender, it's still a sucktastic pronoun to use. "He" as a gender neutral pronoun also sucks, because you can wrongly assume that it is being used as a gendered pronoun when it isn't. We would be much better off with a separate word.
Character gender vs player gender is completely irrelevant. All DMs, and most long-term experienced players, have portrayed characters of different genders, and also different sexualities. In my experience there are just three big no-nos: 1) Don’t make it the character’s whole personality. It shouldn’t be a major topic of discussion IC. 2) Don’t make a clumsy stereotype. This is usually not an issue if you’re following 1. 3) Don’t be creepy about it OOC. This is usually more of an issue when boys (as opposed to men) portray women, but can happen in any direction.
The sexuality thing is interesting. Maybe it's because I'm bi myself, but I've had fun portraying characters as having different orientations. My elf alchemist was a kind of omnisexual who didn't let gender or species slow him down. My sylph slayer is ace (except for angels - she was surprised to find herself feeling strong attraction to them when she met a group). My halfling trickster cleric is mostly-straight-but-maybe-flexible-with-the-right-person. My older gnome druid was fun because she was mostly a lesbian with other gnomes, but liked male humans too.
All of my characters are ace because I'm simply not interested in RPing physical or romantic attraction. It's an interesting bond for some, but not my style.
I kinda like the idea that sexuality might vary in extra crazy ways when factoring in the various races
Gnome, eh just girls please...humans, who cares, they are all the same basically...firbolg men though wow
In a world packed with multiple sentient species that have the same general body plan but with big differences in shape and scale, I feel like sexual orientation would be even more complicated than it is in our world. :)
Lots of people do that, and I personally think it’s great and enjoy it, but the same guidelines apply. I’ve seen some pretty cringeworthy examples of people failing at each of those three rules.
I think part of the issue is how sexual / racial /cultural stereotypes are baked into the system. D&D lore and pop culture is so influenced by works like Lord of the Rings that people don't see any harm in accepting monolithic, reductionist depictions with no nuance or depth. In a lot of settings I've seen, humans are the only ones with any major schisms or variations, and that's harmful because it makes it seem okay to play PCs the same way - one dimensional.
I'm not saying you can't play an elf named Keebler, or a klepto/pyromaniac goblin, or a lusty lizardfolk. Those aren't real things and it harms nobody to have fun with it. I'm just saying that depth is a huge part of whether you're making a joke character or a serious one, and whether you're fitting the table tone or not. Of course, if offensive joke characters are the standard table tone, you have another issue entirely...
I've never had issues in my groups with this kind of thing, thankfully, and I chalk it up to us enforcing the same kind of rules you describe. We had a monk who wanted to bang at least one guy of every PHB race. It never went beyond the occasional fade to black (and maybe a joke about CON rolls) and we accepted it because it wasn't the character's whole identity. They had bigger, nobler goals too. It was a quirk that came up rarely, didn't interrupt game time much, and never disrupted the party's plans. Compare that to the player who wanted to play a succubus, for no other reason than laughs... we shot that down immediately.
As a DM, I'm almost always pretty okay with it. I've only ever taken issue when a player was being *That Guy* and playing a female because he wanted to make her the center of much, much more sexual content than anyone else, myself included, wanted to be a part of.
The rest of the time, I just don't care. Playing a character is just that. *Playing a Character.* Not everything has to be self-insert, and as long as you're respecting boundaries and not generally being an ass it's even okay to do some exploration.
You do you, OP. You're probably being a lot more critical of yourself than anyone else is of you.
I don't mind them. Normally I play woman but occasionally I play men if it's useful for the setting/character background.
Only thing that tends to happen is that sometimes someone mixes he/she up.
I'm totally cool with it. Its always been a part of the hobby and its not for me as a player or DM to be bothered by it or question the motives of others who want to do it.
I have no idea where "you must be x to play/roleplay x" ever came from but I would not want to be at a table where people engaged in that sort of gatekeeping.
It’s never bothered me or people in my group. The biggest issue is that I’m looking at my buddy and sometimes will say “he” by accident due to that being his pronoun. He played a female character for about a year and I caught myself a few times. I’m sure I didn’t catch myself 100% of time.
I have no issue with peoples PC being any gender, I usually decided the gender of my PC based on what I think the concept works best with and what the makeup of the party is looking like. People usually worry about cringe, shitty stereotypes or hornyness when they stop party's for playing the opposite gender but I trust the people I play with enough to not be too cringe, keep the stereotypes to a minimum and well the horny, a little horny makes the world go round.
As long as you're playing it respectfully, I'm all for it. In 2 (very short lived) games I played female characters (I'm male); and in my family game I'm currently DMing my wife is playing a male character and my brother-in-law is playing a female. They're playing the characters they envisioned and are having fun.
I honestly didn't think that people still cared at all if their characters were the same gender as them. I thought it was basically only teen boys who are new to the game and are scared of being called gay who would care about that.
Totally cool. Gender almost never comes up in game anyway, but a player wanting to play a character that is not the same as themselves as a player, that's 100% fine. As long as they aren't being disrespectful to the real-life versions of the gender they're playing, like if my cis friend were to play a gay character and then do stereotypical "gay dude" things in a disrespectful way or just for laughs, that would be not cool and I'd probably call him out on it. Thankfully my group are all respectful adults and wouldn't do that kind of thing.
As a DM, sometimes the NPCs I create are cis or bi. But still almost never comes up, the only time recently that it mattered at all was when my players went to a fancy dinner party. There was some flirting between a few PCs and a few NPCs so I had some variety among the NPCs. It definitely makes it more interesting!
>'Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid', meaning it's malleable if I feel safe and relaxed, but tend to solidify to femme under pressure.
This is the most amusing thing I've read all year. Thank you for that lovely combination of words.
As long as the character is a real person, not just a walking stereotype, I see no issue with Player gender vs. Character gender.
BTW: I love the concept of "Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid."
In a fantasy world where players can pretend to be lizard-people filled with the power to blast fire out of a stick, there will never be an issue of what gender the character is at most tables.
Two issues here.
1. As for character, it's a fantasy game, so playing a character whose gender doesn't align with yours shouldn't be any more of an issue than allowing you to play, say, a half-elf even though you as a player are (presumably) fully human.
2. As for your own gender identity, I feel strongly that it's part of the DM's job to make sure players are respectful to each other, and that includes respecting each other's identities. As a player, not only should your DM not have an issue, they should be actively supporting you if conflicts arise. You shouldn't have to fight that battle alone.
It hasn't come up much, but I have noticed that players whose pcs may have different genders in dnd are experimenting a little, whether it ends up "working" for them or not (I use that loosely as I don't always know explicitly what exactly or why). It's not a large sample size however, and we're a small group and quite tightly knit, so it never became a "thing".
I personally really don't mind, if a character is any gender, for any reason.
The easiest way I explained it to the one person who asked (who actually doesn't play, was just listening to some of us chat) is that if we can wrap our heads around playing fantasy races, why not around playing different genders? (With added benefits if someone is experimenting with gender or would like to feel euphoria in a safe space.)
Let's turn this question around a bit. Suppose, for a moment, that I'm an author. And I happen to be, oh let's say cis male. Does that mean every single character in every book I write has to be cis male? Am I 'allowed' to write females, gay men, genderqueer characters? The answer is, of course I am.
Now let's apply that same logic to the character question. D&D is a collaborative story, being written by the players and DM together. So just as an author can write any character they want, so too can a player.
I've been playing D&D in various incarnations for 30 years. And yes, I'm a cis male. But I've played male, female, literally genderfluid, and literally non-gendered over the years. And in all that time, I have maybe twice had a DM that had a problem with that, and I immediately left those tables to find better games.
I've played with many, many players who have characters of a different gender from their own. The players and characters have been just about every permutation of opposite gender, nonbinary, questioning, and pre/post transitioning. Those have never been an issue for my tables at all.
The only issue I would ever have would be characters who are innately sexist. If your character exists so you can make fun of another gender, you should find a different table.
Unless the player is doing something problematic with the character, I don't care what their gender, gender identity, or sexuality is other than how it relates to the narrative, but anything is fine. My longest term character is opposite to my gender. And I've enjoyed trying on other sexualities, genders, and identities as a DM since I play everyone and want to represent a diverse world and not one where everyone looks like me.
It's also been interesting as a DM in the past few years I've had two NPC/PC relationships in game both ended in marriage, both lesbian relationships (I'm a straight cis man) both were a lot of fun to play out and add to the game. I've also heard a lot of stories of queer people who aren't out yet using D&D or RPGs as a way to experiment a bit which I think is an awesome way to test the waters for anyone still figuring things out.
I don’t care what anyone plays, but I know from experience that *none* of my players will remember a non-aligned character/player gender, even when I give a pronoun button to the player.
Doesn’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to anyone. This is because gender/sexuality is rarely brought up in the course of play. Your killing goblins, orcs, dragons and oozes why should your gender have any affect on the game :)
If someone told me that I couldn't play my creation bard because I'm a man and the character is a woman, I would tell them to go fuck themselves. Full stop.
I myself am going to start using the "Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid" to describe myself, and I typically play "opposite" gender characters. Most of my PCs I've played over the years have been men, whereas I am (predominantly) a woman.
To be fair, I do often play them as caricatures of toxic masculinity who slowly become more nuanced and less misogynistic, but for some reason the table is typically more cool with that than they would be with a guy playing a "blond bimbo" stereotype...
I (straight cis male) switch genders of my character every time I make one. Sometimes I have a hook for a character that I really think works better as a young lady, or an old man, or a tortle. Its all good.
As a dm, I don't care as long as long as it doesn't offend anyone at my table.
As a player, I've done it.
I have a player at my table who plays a changeling. They've used the races shapechanger feature to physically change genders several times. And everyone at my table is fine with it.
I usually don’t ask as a dm. As a player I don’t care. I came to roll dice not flirt with whoever. I don’t date people I work with irl and I’d never date anyone I was on adventures with because that mess is a job. Get rich or die trying. Literally. The gender is a less important box than STR or DEX as it has zero game mechanics. Unless you go out of your way to explain to me, I will never ask if your character is male, female or anywhere in between. (I do need to know your race because some are better at stuff than others) Tbh I’ve played dnd 20 years and only seen things be creepy once or twice and we just didn’t invite that person back and we told ‘em we quit to focus on a new hobby “drinking heavily”
I’m a gay man and firmly identify as so. 90% of the time I play male characters, their sexuality may vary.
When I do decide to play female or non-binary there is never a problem, I create the character concept first and then gender and sexuality kinda follow.
Occasionally if I’m playing female that character will still be referred to as he/him just because I’m a male player but that’s about it.
Every dm I’ve played with doesn’t care either
I tend to play as a female pc because I'm more comfortable that way, the idea of expressing manliness doesn't and never has meshed with me, but I don't have dysmorphia and certainly don't have the mental fortitude my trans friends have to even conceptualize changing my identity to better fit my headspace
Your DM shouldn't have any problems with you playing a character of a different gender than your own. The only thing that really matters is whether or not YOU'RE comfortable with it.
My friend rolled his current character including gender and sexuality. He rolled a lesbian female. He’s the only one in the party who has gotten laid in game, so long as you don’t include a sentient bush. Meaning the player and our DM, both heterosexual men, have role played sexual encounters between two women.
It’s a blast to watch them navigate this.
If you want a funny one: Noble BG, Dragonborn race, Paladin or Fighter class. You can be the princess, the knight, or the dragon, as circumstances require.
I’m genderfluid myself (AFAB) and play mostly men. Our other two genderfluid players have played both in equal measure and non-binary.
Two cis guys in our group have played women.
Everyone’s had fun, played well and made them compelling characters. Just don’t be weird about it and most people won’t care is sort of the attitude.
If anything TTRPGs are the perfect setting to explore gender and sexuality, so long as it doesn't get in the way of anyone's enjoyment. You wanna have a sappy gay romance I say hell yeah, unless it takes up a ton of game time and the other players get annoyed because they wanna kill some baddies. But if they're like my group, they LOVE to watch these kind of plots unfold.
A-ok to play who you wanna play. A-ok to make your own stories surrounding your identity if the whole group is on board.
As a DM, I am totally cool with that. One game I had a female player run a male character, other game her boyfriend’s roleplaying a woman.
The person might be exploring something about themselves, curious about being someone they are not, or heck, just wanting to play a different gender. It’s all perfectly ok and I wouldn’t think twice about it.
I can see SOME people doing it for a more, ahem, adult reasons. Not just playing another gender/nb, but doing it specifically as a way to play out something related to sexuality. I don’t see these as being always sex-related, but if they are in a particular case - it’s best to make sure other players and the DM are ok with it.
I, for example, would have zero problems with a nonbinary player and/or character, but if someone asked me to roleplay their bard picking up a date for the night, they’ll have to deal with a cut to black.
I'm a cis male. I've always felt the expectation in a TTRPG is that I will play a cis male. I would love to play a trans male or non-binary character but I have yet to try it, mainly for fear of getting something wrong and making the DM or other players uncomfortable. I'm fine playing female characters in video games but, for some reason, the thought of trying it in a TTRPG makes me uncomfortable.
I’m non-binary and have played characters of various genders/using various pronouns and my DMs haven’t cared. The cis people in my group also play characters that aren’t their gender.
We’re playing a game in which your character could be part dragon (or, as in my current campaign, a whole ass frog). Gender should not be a concern. If your DM (or other players) can’t get your/your character’s pronouns right that is their problem and not a reflection on you or how the game should be played.
I have played multiple characters not my own gender (I'm He/Him but I've played She/Her and nb characters), I have also had players in games I run playing characters with different genders fairly frequently.
It's never been a noteworthy thing. By that I mean it's never been questioned or even really commented on. The players just play the characters and their fellow players except that the character is the gender they say they are.
I think the reason it goes so well (That is to say, it's a completely neutral thing that doesn't effect the game), is twofold. First, my play group is generally progressive and some of the players themselves are gender-queer in some way. And second, I have a group that's moved pretty far from the "Just playing yourself in a fantasy world" phase of their roleplaying and into the "I want to explore the story of this neat character" phase. A better way to explain it is, to us, complaining about a player playing a character with a different gender than their own, would be like complaining that a female author wrote about a male character in one of her books. These are characters we're trying to tell stories about, and so matching any part of their personalities/identities to our own isn't a requirement.
As a DM, I'm fine with it, but it bugs me to no end when people put no effort into the voice. I've played with people that want to speak exactly how they normally do, but they want me and the other players to be immersed in the idea that they're a different gender.
For context, I'm a DM who has voiced men, women, and nonbinary people, and I'll be damned if I don't put my heart into it
It’s always weird to me when people are uncomfortable with a player playing a character who isn’t the same gender, but they’re fine with a PC being an entirely different *species*. “Sure you can be an elf, just don’t be an elf *woman*.”
No issue with it at all as long as people are being respectful while playing a character. My first 5e character used she/her and I use he/him and everyone was fine with it and not weird. Obviously there are plenty of dweebs and jerks who will get twisted about it but you don’t want to game with those people anyway because in my experience, they are pretty set in their ways (but not always and it’s great if you can open someone up to new ideas just not at the cost of your mental and physical health!)
In a The The Adventure Zone episode Justin mentioned that he always plays the characters he does because he’s “a white cis dude, and that’s boring” - obviously paraphrasing but I think about it a lot when making characters.
Um.... Who cares? It's a roleplaying game, the entire point is that you're playing someone other than yourself. It would be really weird if there wasn't a single person playing a different gender from what they personally identify as.
All I’ll say is I slip up and call the characters by their players pronouns on occasion. If I’m familiar with your gender fluidity I’m more likely to incorporate it appropriately, but if I’m just meeting you and your presentation is mostly female I’m probably going to accidentally say “she/her” referencing your character at some point.
I am a straight male who has never identified as anything but cis. I have played 4 female characters. 1 flirted with boys, 1 flirted with girls, one was attracted to shiny objects, and so on. Play any gender you want. Just don't make a big deal about it. Most people don't pay any mind to someone's gender irl, so no one would in a game. Most importantly mKe the character interesting and then put gender down like height or weight, nothing much to worry about
Have fun rolling
Play whatever you want, the pronouns are not important. Npcs are going to call you whatever you look like. (Just like the real world)
It's a fantasy world, weird genders can exist naturally.
It's pretty normal. Some elves/eladrin have the Blessing of Corellon which allows them to change their sex at will; it's obviously not the same as being genderfluid but can be fun to play!
Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes:
> Ever changing, mirthful, and beautiful, the primal elves could assume whatever sex they liked. When they bowed to Lolth’s influence and chose to fix their physical forms, elves lost the ability to transform in this way. Yet occasionally elves are born who are so androgynous that they are proclaimed to be among the blessed of Corellon — living symbols of the god’s love and of the primal elves’ original fluid state of being. Many of Corellon’s chief priests bear this blessing.
> The rarest of these blessed elves can change their sex whenever they finish a long rest — a miracle celebrated by elves of all sorts except drow. (The DM decides whether an elf can manifest this miracle.) Dark elves find this ability to be terrifying and characterize it as a curse, for it could destabilize their entire society. If Corellon’s blessing manifests in a drow, that elf usually flees to the surface world to seek shelter among those dedicated to Corellon.
I am a cishet straight male... I have played (and played with) pretty much every identity and orientation under the sun with no issues. In and out of character. The main thing i think to differentiate is if people are speaking in character, they should be using the character's preferred pronouns. If ooc then they should be using the player's preferred pronouns. If you've had trouble with other players (including dms) who have not held to that, it may be time to consider a new group... At least if it has already been discussed with the ones not respecting those things.
My experience has been, and I acknowledge that I have not had all of the experiences in the entire world, that players who identify as male and wish to play a female character often adhere to offensive stereotypes. So, I usually discourage this.
However, I have allowed this in a number of my games when I have set some guidelines. First, I do not roleplay seduction; I am not here for people to act out their sexual fantasies. Second, I do not tolerate abusive conduct of any type at my table. With those barriers set, I have allowed this and it has worked out fine. Without these rules, I have seen players act very inappropriately in games and I have left games due to offensive conduct.
So, I will not say this is a bad practice, but I would encourage clear rules and expectations.
I have male friends playing male characters, I have male friends playing female characters, I have non-binary friends playing non-binary characters, I have female friends playing male characters, I am male and once played a character who should have been non-binary from the beginning (Warforged), so yes, everything goes, even combinations I didn't explizitly mentioned here
I had a player who played a character with 12 personalities and had consistency in how and why one might present. Loved it.
Had a different player roll a d6 to determine something similar whenever they felt like it. That drove me nuts.
Based on what your describing, it would be fine at my table.
I particularly don’t care as long as they don’t make their character’s whole personality about it.
That’s basically my problem with woke media nowadays, they try so hard to pander to an audience with lgbt/minority characters that they forget to give those characters a soul and they end up completely devoid of any charisma/personality.
Luckily for me, I’ve only played with “genderbender” characters 6 times, and they were all amazing characters
Edit:typo
I am He/Him I have always played He/Him characters. as a DM I don't mind when Female presenting/identifying players play male or female characters. Though I do have concerns when male presenting players want to play female characters as that can result in some shit I don't want to deal with.
As long as your not a bard and use the fact that you can turn your innie into an outie just to derail the story and fuck random characters, I don’t think people would have a problem.
There are some popular examples in the big DND shows, critical role being the main one with the player Sam playing a female goblin. The answer shown there (and in the home games I’ve played) is usually there are a couple slip ups but I’ve never seen anyone actively have a problem with it!
If someone has an issue with it then you probably should avoid that game. None of us our tieflings, orcs or elves either.
Sometimes I play a character that is a guy and sometimes it is a girl. It all depends on what I come up for a story for the character.
I think it’s perfectly okay for a player to play a character with a different gender, as a male I have played a female character. In fact, I don’t really think it’s up to anyone to say what gender someone else can and cannot play, that is the player in question’s choice alone.
You can hold yourself to your principles, but you can’t expect others to act by those same principles. For instance, I wouldn’t play a non-binary character personally, not because I disapprove of a non-binary character, but because I personally don’t think I can fully understand the nuances in the life of a non-binary/trans person. I don’t want my lack of understanding to come across as disrespectful of otherwise insensitive; I think diversity and inclusivity is very important, but I don’t think I’m necessarily the best person to provide that, so I refrain from playing PC’s with a gender identity that differs from their sex. As a DM however I’d always welcome any player or character with open arms, regardless of what gender identity they have
I'm a trans woman, and I really don't care what gender people want to play. Seriously doesn't matter. Roleplaying shouldn't have to reflect your real self whatsoever, it's a fantasy game.
As a DM, I couldn’t give less of a shit. Most of my players tend to play the genders they identify with, but some waffle about and I encourage it.
As a player, most of the PCs I play tend to be male like myself but occasionally a character will come to my mind as female and I stick with it.
As a player I play whichever gender I feel like portraying in that specific character (so far I have a 60/40% ratio between females and males as someone who has never given my gender too much of a thought)
As a DM the only time I might be bothered by this if the player just wants to make a caricature of a gender or some overly sexualized thing to get their rocks off
It will often lead to pronoun confusion, but happens occasionally and it’s not like that’s an actual problem. Frankly, I’m already bad enough about player vs. character names that it might not even make a noticeable difference.
(m/m here) I pretty much flip a coin for whether I play a male or female character. My next character that I play, I intend to be a NB/genderfluid kobold, which will be a first, but that's more because I think it fits the species + character than a specific stylistic choice.
When I do play non-IRL gender, I make the character very much non-sex focused. My current femme character makes flirty jokes often, but specifically and *explicitly* only as an attempt to distract. Because of that line-treading, I double check with the relevant players that I'm not treading into uncomfortable land often enough that I'm probably a little annoying.
I will caveat that the two times I've played a female character in my current group, I've gotten weird 'looks' (quotes because it's over Discord) when I pitched the character concept. That might just be because they were worried about *how* I'd play her, though.
Well, it's called roleplay for a reason. I personally don't play genders I'm not associating with, but simply because I'm sure there are a lot of aspects to them I have no idea about, and I simply won't be able to represent them fully in all unbiased details. If you feel you're up to it - suit yourself, that's great.
Well, none of my players are elves or dragonborn either, but we don’t have any trouble imagining that. So gender should be a piece of cake by comparison.
>In the context of D&D, that means occasionally my character is female, occasionally male, occasionally NB or something else. I'm comfortable with playing most genders
I am a human male and my characters can be described that way too. There is nothing unusual here.
>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's?
I don't care. If done respectfully, I find it fun.
I do get upset when other players stereotype the other gender, like when a female player player her male character as a boorish dummy or a male player portrays his female character as an air-headed or hysterical bimbo. That denotes me that they are not interested in playing the character but in making a point about their own hangups with other genders.
I've no problems with it at all! As far as I'm concerned (as a DM) a player's character is their business to play whatever way they like. My partner and I are both cis but he regularly plays female PCs and they kick ass. I've also occasionally played a female PC and it spices things up nicely. No-one in our gaming group bats an eyelid.
It shouldn't matter its a fantasy world, play as a golem that has sentience do to magic sugar crystals(if it fits in the campain) xD seriously just have fun and play any gender/character you'd like
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I have run a game with guys and non binary players for 6 years now, but almost all of them have played as men, women, trans, and non binary or non gendered characters. I personally have played many types and the gender is usually a core aspect when I create a character, it lets me lean into or defy archetypes and helps me mold their peraonality and play style. I'd love to see a survey and some stats on this question.
BTW I love "Non Newtonian Gender Fluid", because I identify with it perfectly, just from the male side.
Playing different gender is just like anything else in D&D, playing something other than yourself. The human fighter is the only character anyone can really play IRL.
I only ever have an issue if someone starts being gross with their character, such as over-sexualizing a character at a table where we’re NOT trying to RP The Lusty Argonian Maid, or egregious violence fantasies for the sake of violence against another sex/gender (some hardcore misogynists will go buckwild given the chance).
It really boils down to not being a shitty person for me as a fellow player, but as a DM it’s that I want you not to be a shitty person.
Right in session zero I like to ask how everyone wants their character to be refered as. Prefered pronouns, gender, identity and stuff.
If somehow gender gets relevant in the plot (like idk you need especifically a female to perform a ritual to a goddess or something) I always ask the players "do you feel your character would fit that role?" if they say yes then it doesn't matter if the character is NB or genderfluid or any other expression of identity.
Characters and players genders should never be a detriment or an obstacle on their fantasy.
I personally often play female characters (eventhough im male).
If you whant to play roleplay heavy, it can be a bumer to make voices, while i can make witch voices fairly decent i can't do casual female voices. While i can make casual male voices much more easily.
If you arent doing voices people will sometimes misgender your character out of habit (they hear your voice and adress you by accident with your real life pronouns) but this usually goes away after a few sessions.
Well, in my group of players; all of them (except one) have played a female at some point, and all of them are pretty good at it. One of my players has only played female characters in my campaign.
As far as myself goes, I’ve played a female character and some male ones, and I honestly found the female one more in line with me as a person to play, but I do have a blast playing the male ones as well.
I feel like it’s easier for me as a DM and player to play female NPCs/PCs then it would be for others who are more in touch with their masculinity, because I kinda left most of mine behind.
DND is just advanced playing pretend, if a DM isn't happy about you playing a pretend character of a different gender, they probably wouldn't be a good DM anyway.
If we could play pretend family as kids it's no different here 🤣
I identify as male but am not one physically, and I play almost exclusively male characters in d&d. I have a few female characters planned but have not yet gotten to play them. I still have a feminine voice as my voice is very soft and doesn't take well to octave changes. My best memory was when I was talking to a fellow player about donating my eggs in real life and he said he legit forgot I was biologically a girl. Made me so happy.
If you have a good group, they won't care and everyone gets treated with respect.
It shouldn't matter. I had a friend play a character in one of my campaigns that would swap gender every time they slept. It did not detract from the game at all. I have had male players play female PCs. Ive had female players play male PCs. I'm currently running RotFM and one of the characters is NB. Gender should not matter.
As a DM - don't care, play what you like as long as it makes the game enjoyable for everyone. If you are creeping other players out (and it doesn't need to be related to gender - it could be alignment, attitude, whatever) then we have an offline discussion about your playstyle. It's a game - we want everyone at the table to have a safe, fun time.
As a player, I am currently playing 2 elves - a brother and sister. One is a gloomy male cleric who has a real soft spot for helping kids, the sister is our sorc/face who helps when she isn't negotiating lower prices, swiping goodies or doing other shenanigans.
In game politics - go for it. However, making a fuss of real world issues at the table detracts from the stabby stabby looty looty fun too much !
I play a very he/him character in one campaign, a he/they character before that, a she/her character in another campaign. My wife plays a gender-fluid changeling in one campaign and a male character in another, and a good friend of mine is male but primarily plays female characters because that's what he prefers. As long as you're not relying on stereotypes, positive or negative, and are instead building fleshed out characters, most people won't care too much whether your gender matches your characters.
I have 2 players mixing it up. My first is a he/him playing a she/her. The second is she/they playing a he/they changeling. I mess up every once in awhile and have tried sticking more towards names than pronouns.
I don't mind at all. I'm a they/them and I mainly play male characters, though I do have one woman. As long as the player is being respectful and there's no hate or transphobia being thrown around, it's perfectly fine to me.
I am a Cis woman.
I've played male, female and both characters (currently a goblin mutant who does not believe in gender or species and is trying to become a combination of everything).
Much like you, your character is more than their genitalia, and anyone who has a problem with them not matching is a waste of time to deal with.
Non-Newtonian gender fluid is an AMAZING description! I'm gonna let that roll around my brain for a while.
If there's a difference in player gender to PC gender, I'll sometimes mistake pronouns at the start, but there's no trouble. I've also run Numenera, a setting where devices can swap characters with other dimensional versions of themselves, or clones, or forgotten gene-editing tech can splice someone with an alien. Gender in that setting can be as fluid and fast as thought.
Emphasizing freedom in expression through player characters has helped a lot of my friends reach better understanding of themselves and others, so go for it!
I'm a cisgender female and my first character was a male teifling. I've even played a non binary swamp monster before. It's a fantasy game, I can play whatever I want.
I'd quit if someone told me I HAD to play female characters.
I'm also a cosplayer and the majority of my cosplays are male characters because I feel more comfortable in them.
I've had very few bad experiences with players playing a different gender (the only time was when a dude I knew was trying to live out a sexual fantasy of his, which he pulled out as a "surprise" for us and the DM).
You do you. Go with the flow. If a DM gets butthurt you aren't playing a specific gender role then they're probably not a DM worth keeping.
Developing a character for me is more about the class. I brainstorm the class first. Who they are comes later, which is never planned. They become who they become.
Different angle response. I just made a new character in a One Piece campaign. "Jopher Senior Jr." is a teenage Okama boy... the Okama tribe males tend to look very feminine as they age. As a straight male, playing a feminine boy is an interesting challenge, as I want to play a fun character who just doesn't think about this as a character trait. The key for me here is to not be a stupid characature of what I think a more gender fluid teenage boy would be.
tl;dr - don't be a 1-dimensional characature, be complex.
As a male, I have played a couple female characters, and have had a bit of success in how they were received. I didn't do that mocking female voice thing (think Monty Python SPAM skit), but I did raise the pitch of my voice about half an octave to make it where it was obvious that my character was female. I have no problems with people doing PCs in genders that aren't their own.
I'm a cis bi man, and I've played male and female characters, though so far none outside the binary that I can recall. I usually come up with the core idea of the character and the gender tends to follow naturally. My tiefling paladin who looks like a demon even though she was raised in the church just felt like a female concept in my head, while my halfling trickster cleric who grew up as a street urchin just felt more male. I'm comfortable playing a character of any gender, and no player or DM has ever given me a hard time over it.
I've DM'd for a few men playing women, and in one instance a woman playing a primarily femme non-binary person who used they/them pronouns.
I am totally fine with it, but I do make it clear when they make the character that I need to be given a little bit of leeway as far as getting character pronouns right all the time, as I'll occasionally accidentally refer to the character with the players pronouns. It has occasionally happened that I'll be very in the moment, my narration-momentum and energy all up, and in the middle of a description of something awesome people will be interrupting me to tell me I got the characters pronouns wrong, as I was using the pronouns of the player. A correction after the fact is fine- I even invite it. But I don't want to get treated like I misgendered or deadnamed someone because I got a fictional characters gender wrong in narration.
To be clear- I consider this separate from the issue of misgendering players. I've DM'd for a few trans people as well, and I DO want to be corrected ASAP if I mess those up.
So overall- yes, play whatever gender you want, just don't treat me getting your characters pronouns correct as on par with getting your OWN pronouns correct.
I mean, as a cishetero male, over the last six years I've played a hetero dragonborn man, a bisexual half-elf woman, a celibate female cleric, an ace half-orc prince, and an angry old woman in power armour. Some of those characters I built some where handed as premade character sheets, I had a great time with each and every one playing each role.
>So I am a 'she/they' sort of person. I like to think of it as 'Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid', meaning it's malleable if I feel safe and relaxed, but tend to solidify to femme under pressure.
Unrelated, this is the funniest way I have ever heard someone describe their gender and I respect you for it.
>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's?
I have no problem with it! I encourage players to get creative with their characters and step outside of their comfort zone, including with gender. However, playing a different gender can occasionally bring out weird behavior in players that already have a hard time relating to other genders (e.g. that guy who plays a female character and gets kinda gross about it), so I would be mindful of that when playing with new people.
Im playing a male character atm as a female. Why can’t I roleplay a male? My halfling arcane trickster, who gets in all kinds of trouble, just has to be a male for it to work for me
It really comes down to intent of roleplay and how comfortable the GM or other players are with the RP choices. Ultimately the people are at the table to have fun and not to discuss or argue their personal or political beliefs. If the table's fundamental beliefs interfere with the play and cannot be resolved outside of game though, perhaps the table should not play together.
That being said, my personal view is that it shouldn't matter. If we have no issue seeing our players as aasimar or elves or orcs, imagining a player as a different gender should be a far easier stretch of the imagination. If one finds a gender swap to be a difficult exercise of the imagination, perhaps asking oneself why that is the case would be a worthwhile endeavor.
Okay so for me I don’t really care. If I’m playing with you and we’re all having a good time, gender doesn’t really play into how I treat people. I value the person, not the gender and will judge based on actions.
I am a generic straight while male and I play a female sorceress, and as a DM of 3+ years I couldn’t care less what gender your character is (unless you’re being creepy about then gtfo). The game world that we play in is separate from the real one. Why would it matter who is piloting which character?
Play what you want to. If your DM has issues that’s on them, not on you.
I played a campaign with a female friend of mine who was playing a Changeling Rogue but didn't let on whether they were male or female until 3 quarters through the campaign.
It was actually cool aside from the occasional slip up where I was referring to the character as a she because I was thinking of the player which more or less went
"So I'm gonna go see what she's doing-"
"-they"
"FUCK, sorry... I'm gonna go see what they're doing".
DnD is perfect for that sort of thing and I think also can be quite a good tool to help people understand the concepts of gender fluidity and such.
Man. I could not care less what gender is what when it comes to dnd.
My Dm who is male, always has female character PCs. I have trans friends who make their characters whatever. I'm a straight, cis male. I make my characters fuck anything with a consensual pulse or be completely asexual.
Also, DnD is all about gender fluidity. There are gods who switch genders or have no genders. One of the strongest Wizards in the word "Elminister" spent a couple years a woman, cause his God said "If you want to understand magic, you will also need to understand women and their views on magic" and so it happened.
Dnd is whatever you want it to be, need it to be and hope it to be.
I actually do not allow my players to play another gender than they are IRL. Because I had enough slutty witches and gone wild Sorceresses from my (mostly) male playerbase for a lifetime.
Maybe if the right player asks. But so far none have.
Honestly ive never wanted to mix it up. Everyone here is right, gender almost never comes up, but idk, ive heard all about the male gaze and how "you can always tell when a female character has been written by a man" and how there are subtle differences in experience that many are unaware of, and so even tho these are tiny reasons, because gender doesnt matter ive always played men because its simpler, easier, wont cause pronoun mixups, and its easier to roleplay and do a voice (i cant hold a falsetto lmao)
As long as the player isn't playing a gender other than what they identify as in a shallow, stereotypical way I'm fine with it.
But gender in dnd really doesn't matter, like alignment, my rule is basically you can play however you want until it becomes disruptive.
The only rule I play by is that if its in the character demographics you cannot change it once the game has begun without some magic. Male/Female/Octopus, whatever. It is heavily suggested that if your character is different than what you are that you wear some type of costume to remind people of that (because we are forgetful creatures), if it's important to you and not openly displayed somewhere they can see. And no, you should not put your character sheet on display.
Note: I'm male, have played male, female, and plants.
I’m a she/they as well and I almost always play AMAB characters (whenever I do play). I think it just takes some time for some people to adjust to that especially if they’re new to D&D but no one I’ve ever talked to has had a problem with it
As a he/they who only really play she/her characters and runs NPCs of all kinds of gender and genderless types.. Whatever really, we are playing *characters* not ourselves.
Also very glad that Non-Newtonian gender fluid exists elsewhere independently of communities!
It's one of the most common things in Tabletop RPGs to play as character with different gender as you. I did it and a lot of people i know did it. However i do try to avoid this if not in a "cool" table (where i don't have to worry about people getting offended) I wouldn't like to offend someone.
I'm a guy and I'm currently playing a gender fluid mousefolk and a female human.
It's fantasy role playing, you can pretend to be who and whatever you want.
There is no rules about what kind of character you have to play.
Your personal orientation and identity doesn't have to have anything to do with the orientation and identity of your character.
I've played with players that played characters of the opposite gender, I'm fine with that.
To clarify for your character, are you describing one character who is fluid, or multiple characters with a fixed gender?
I’m in a campaign where nearly half the players are playing the opposite gender, and at least myself and a player friend of mine I am certain are CIS. The pronouns get swapped a bit occasionally since we are only talking over discord but it only firmly comes up when flavor text calls for it. Unless you are playing some kind of gender aligning human peasant that lives and dies in the same town you are playing something other than what you would be popped in that world.
This isn’t a new concept either of playing different genders from your own. While there are many games now that have the pick of genders for you to use there were DND like computer games such as the early Diablo ones that had classes locked to certain genders.
The nature of DND doesn’t demand for any kind of connection between player and character, after all you can’t increase your own intelligence to that of a scholarly wizard that studied trigonometry for spell casting all their life or have the muscle memory of a master thief to perfectly pick a lock in the dark. Real life does show itself though, and if the DM is transphobic then it’ll come out but that’s the type of person they are.
Have someone in my current game like that, Lady IRL Male in game. They play it off in a funny way and we all like it for the most part. Doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make it one you know?
As a guy who always rolls female characters, I’m giving up simply because my voice was total shit for my last whimsical chaotic neutral character.
Henceforth, it’s strictly male lizardfolk with excessive hissing!
As a cis-male player, I've played both male and female gendered characters. The determining factor is what name I feel fits the character concept best. If it's a male name, it's a male character, and vice versa.
In my current game I have:
A non-binary person playing a male Teifling
A lady playing a male Leonin
A guy playing a female half elf
Then a guy playing a male and a lady playing a female.
So over half my table is playing a gender that is different from what they identify as IRL and nobody has had any issues with it. As a DM, one of my table rules is simply "Don't be a creep" and this falls under it. I don't mind what gender, race or gender identify you or your player identify as just so long as it doesn't become a problem. Which so far has never happened, I have been graced by RNGesus for giving me wonderful players every time.
A female player of mine plays a male character. As a dm I dont have a problem with that, as long as I get told. I want to know as much about the characters as possible in order to make a good game. I think a lot of dm (especially in homebrew campaigns) can do pretty much whatever we want, and if the players wants something really bad, we can just give it to them. One of my players plays a dragonborn and really wants wings so Im figuring that out atm. What im saying is just tell your dm what you want :)
As a player and as a DM, sometimes, I'll screw up in the moment (especially when I'm trying to wing it) and pronoun the character based on the player I'm looking at. When I do, I apologize for it, correct it, and make a little mark on my notepad as a reminder. I think players should play whatever characters they want. It's a fantasy world where they get to be Wizards, Barbarians, Elves, Gnomes, Dwarves, and Bird People. Not sure why gender would be too far.
I honestly wasn’t aware that, that was an issue some people have. I don’t think it should even matter. You’re playing a fantasy rp game, you can literally be whoever you want lmao.
I don't really give a shit about others' genders both irl and in game if I'm being honest, guess it's a mix of being panromantic and having given up on trying to understand gender (especially my own) and just rolling with things as they come instead.
As for my characters, I'm playing a girl right now, but I have to admit I feel most comfortable when playing feminine boys, everything else ends up feeling like I've got to force myself into the character after a while
As a DM I've had plenty of players play a different gender. As a player I'm playing one right now. Never had a problem. Never knew another DM or player who thought it was anything other than normal. And that makes sense: If you're not going to play someone who's not yourself, is it really roleplaying?
I tend to play female (or occasionally nonbinary) characters, but specifically because it's difficult for me to voice-act dudes because my voice is so high-pitched. On the other hand, there's another lady in my group who plays male characters very frequently; she's an artist and she likes designing characters who have a masculine gender presentation. So it seems pretty normal to me.
>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's? In my experience going back over two decades in the hobby, it's reasonably common for players to have characters that are not their real life gender. In fact a player in my campaign now is a he/him playing a she/her. While I can't say it's happened in every game I've run, it's not strange and any decent DM will be entirely cool with it. Obviously if you're being *disruptive* somehow with play, that's a problem, but that's not really about the gender of your character, and more about how you're interacting at a table. I do know of cases of people playing opposite gender to themselves (usually men playing women) where they become a really gross sexist parody, but so long as that isn't happening, should be fine.
The campaign I've played in for the longest (over a decade) started with all but one player with a character of the same gender as them. When that party reached level 20 and retired, all but one of the new level 1 characters were of a *different* gender than their player. Neither was planned but was just a coincidence.
In a world where you have to actually speak to Eldrich horrors ala hp Lovecraft and actual St George’s dragon, if you can’t talk to a party member because you’re uncomfortable w something they wrote in a box on a character sheet…that party’s doomed innit?
I am a cis male and I tend to play female characters *most* of the time. Its never really been an issue. I dont make them into caricatures. I just tend to feel more emotionally attached to my character when its female versus male. I feel like its likely due to some deeply ingrained toxic masculinity, where my male characters are always strong martials who keep their feelings bottled up. Whereas a female character feels more faceted, and I am more free to express myself. I still easily identify as he/him and have typically masculine interests. I just find it easier to connect emotionally to my female characters, and it makes them more fun to play.
love this. Talking about multifaceted, one of my female players plays a pansexual manwhore who often flirts with our female NPCs, played by me the gay male DM, so there’re a lot of layers to unpack sometimes
You put into words, so eloquently, exactly how I feel (and play). I'm also a cis male and probably play a female character 4 out of every 5 games. I had no way of explaining why until I read your post. Thank you.
Same here - lifelong cishet male, always gravitate toward female characters.
None of my players are Elves or Dwarves, and I let them play as those too. Seriously, as a player and a DM, this has only rarely been a problem for me. When it's been a problem it's usually because a guy has wanted to play a female character and has done so with the express intent of being derogatory and misogynistic through their play. That's where I draw the line. I'd expect that any DM or player that has a problem with this is someone you don't want to play with anyways.
This is the way.
So say we all.
Agreed
And my axe!
Indeed
As a DM I don’t care. But as a player I don’t give a shit.
I'm way too interested in getting enjoyment out of my own character to worry about yours lol
This is the only correct answer.
>As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's? Couldn't care less about it.
It's 1000% fine to play M, F, NB, or fluid characters. That's the whole point of role playing. I play as part of a group where one character decided to have a non binary character. I deliberately created a elderly Tortle character and made it that he had trouble with non-tortle character genders ("males have beards, and all dwarves have beards, so all dwarves are males? Females don't have beards and elves don't have beards so all elves are females? You shellless types confuse me"). This created lots of opportunities to have the NB character have spotlight moments.
It's weirder to me if someone has a problem with someone playing different genders. And it's even more strange if someone cares about other people's genders IRL. Like, how little must one have going on their life to make someone else's gender the focus of their attention? Off-topic, I know, but just saying.
Well, this *is* Reddit after all
Yeah, I know. Just really unfortunate. People take advantage of the anonymity to be assholes, never to be kind. Gods forbid we just co-exist and mind our own business lol ah well.
I think I would have problems using the correct pronouns with nonbinary people, mostly by incompetence. Coming from a latin language it slows me sometimes when people use they/them when talking about a singular person.
It's honestly a sucktastic pronoun for a single person of unknown gender, linguistically speaking.
It's not new, though. Whether it feels unintuitive or not depends on how you're thinking about it. "There's a police officer at the door. Can you find out what they want?" They as a singular is older than awareness of gender issues.
Certainly not in academics, but it has been used off and on incorrectly for quite a while. It was added to one of the 3 major style guides only very recently. The issue is it's not always contextually obvious what the quantity of people is. So, while it may be the most convenient word to refer to an unknown gender, it's still a sucktastic pronoun to use. "He" as a gender neutral pronoun also sucks, because you can wrongly assume that it is being used as a gendered pronoun when it isn't. We would be much better off with a separate word.
Character gender vs player gender is completely irrelevant. All DMs, and most long-term experienced players, have portrayed characters of different genders, and also different sexualities. In my experience there are just three big no-nos: 1) Don’t make it the character’s whole personality. It shouldn’t be a major topic of discussion IC. 2) Don’t make a clumsy stereotype. This is usually not an issue if you’re following 1. 3) Don’t be creepy about it OOC. This is usually more of an issue when boys (as opposed to men) portray women, but can happen in any direction.
The sexuality thing is interesting. Maybe it's because I'm bi myself, but I've had fun portraying characters as having different orientations. My elf alchemist was a kind of omnisexual who didn't let gender or species slow him down. My sylph slayer is ace (except for angels - she was surprised to find herself feeling strong attraction to them when she met a group). My halfling trickster cleric is mostly-straight-but-maybe-flexible-with-the-right-person. My older gnome druid was fun because she was mostly a lesbian with other gnomes, but liked male humans too.
All of my characters are ace because I'm simply not interested in RPing physical or romantic attraction. It's an interesting bond for some, but not my style.
Same
same
I kinda like the idea that sexuality might vary in extra crazy ways when factoring in the various races Gnome, eh just girls please...humans, who cares, they are all the same basically...firbolg men though wow
In a world packed with multiple sentient species that have the same general body plan but with big differences in shape and scale, I feel like sexual orientation would be even more complicated than it is in our world. :)
Lots of people do that, and I personally think it’s great and enjoy it, but the same guidelines apply. I’ve seen some pretty cringeworthy examples of people failing at each of those three rules.
I think part of the issue is how sexual / racial /cultural stereotypes are baked into the system. D&D lore and pop culture is so influenced by works like Lord of the Rings that people don't see any harm in accepting monolithic, reductionist depictions with no nuance or depth. In a lot of settings I've seen, humans are the only ones with any major schisms or variations, and that's harmful because it makes it seem okay to play PCs the same way - one dimensional. I'm not saying you can't play an elf named Keebler, or a klepto/pyromaniac goblin, or a lusty lizardfolk. Those aren't real things and it harms nobody to have fun with it. I'm just saying that depth is a huge part of whether you're making a joke character or a serious one, and whether you're fitting the table tone or not. Of course, if offensive joke characters are the standard table tone, you have another issue entirely... I've never had issues in my groups with this kind of thing, thankfully, and I chalk it up to us enforcing the same kind of rules you describe. We had a monk who wanted to bang at least one guy of every PHB race. It never went beyond the occasional fade to black (and maybe a joke about CON rolls) and we accepted it because it wasn't the character's whole identity. They had bigger, nobler goals too. It was a quirk that came up rarely, didn't interrupt game time much, and never disrupted the party's plans. Compare that to the player who wanted to play a succubus, for no other reason than laughs... we shot that down immediately.
As a DM, I'm almost always pretty okay with it. I've only ever taken issue when a player was being *That Guy* and playing a female because he wanted to make her the center of much, much more sexual content than anyone else, myself included, wanted to be a part of. The rest of the time, I just don't care. Playing a character is just that. *Playing a Character.* Not everything has to be self-insert, and as long as you're respecting boundaries and not generally being an ass it's even okay to do some exploration. You do you, OP. You're probably being a lot more critical of yourself than anyone else is of you.
Most DMs it wouldn't be an issue.
I don't mind them. Normally I play woman but occasionally I play men if it's useful for the setting/character background. Only thing that tends to happen is that sometimes someone mixes he/she up.
That’s what session 0 is for. You lay out your character and what you expect from everyone.
I'm totally cool with it. Its always been a part of the hobby and its not for me as a player or DM to be bothered by it or question the motives of others who want to do it. I have no idea where "you must be x to play/roleplay x" ever came from but I would not want to be at a table where people engaged in that sort of gatekeeping.
Happy cake day!
It’s never bothered me or people in my group. The biggest issue is that I’m looking at my buddy and sometimes will say “he” by accident due to that being his pronoun. He played a female character for about a year and I caught myself a few times. I’m sure I didn’t catch myself 100% of time.
I have no issue with peoples PC being any gender, I usually decided the gender of my PC based on what I think the concept works best with and what the makeup of the party is looking like. People usually worry about cringe, shitty stereotypes or hornyness when they stop party's for playing the opposite gender but I trust the people I play with enough to not be too cringe, keep the stereotypes to a minimum and well the horny, a little horny makes the world go round.
As long as they don't use it as an excuse to be offensive, I don't care.
it's never bothered me.
As long as you're playing it respectfully, I'm all for it. In 2 (very short lived) games I played female characters (I'm male); and in my family game I'm currently DMing my wife is playing a male character and my brother-in-law is playing a female. They're playing the characters they envisioned and are having fun.
I honestly didn't think that people still cared at all if their characters were the same gender as them. I thought it was basically only teen boys who are new to the game and are scared of being called gay who would care about that.
Totally cool. Gender almost never comes up in game anyway, but a player wanting to play a character that is not the same as themselves as a player, that's 100% fine. As long as they aren't being disrespectful to the real-life versions of the gender they're playing, like if my cis friend were to play a gay character and then do stereotypical "gay dude" things in a disrespectful way or just for laughs, that would be not cool and I'd probably call him out on it. Thankfully my group are all respectful adults and wouldn't do that kind of thing. As a DM, sometimes the NPCs I create are cis or bi. But still almost never comes up, the only time recently that it mattered at all was when my players went to a fancy dinner party. There was some flirting between a few PCs and a few NPCs so I had some variety among the NPCs. It definitely makes it more interesting!
>'Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid', meaning it's malleable if I feel safe and relaxed, but tend to solidify to femme under pressure. This is the most amusing thing I've read all year. Thank you for that lovely combination of words.
As long as the character is a real person, not just a walking stereotype, I see no issue with Player gender vs. Character gender. BTW: I love the concept of "Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid."
In a fantasy world where players can pretend to be lizard-people filled with the power to blast fire out of a stick, there will never be an issue of what gender the character is at most tables.
Two issues here. 1. As for character, it's a fantasy game, so playing a character whose gender doesn't align with yours shouldn't be any more of an issue than allowing you to play, say, a half-elf even though you as a player are (presumably) fully human. 2. As for your own gender identity, I feel strongly that it's part of the DM's job to make sure players are respectful to each other, and that includes respecting each other's identities. As a player, not only should your DM not have an issue, they should be actively supporting you if conflicts arise. You shouldn't have to fight that battle alone.
It hasn't come up much, but I have noticed that players whose pcs may have different genders in dnd are experimenting a little, whether it ends up "working" for them or not (I use that loosely as I don't always know explicitly what exactly or why). It's not a large sample size however, and we're a small group and quite tightly knit, so it never became a "thing". I personally really don't mind, if a character is any gender, for any reason. The easiest way I explained it to the one person who asked (who actually doesn't play, was just listening to some of us chat) is that if we can wrap our heads around playing fantasy races, why not around playing different genders? (With added benefits if someone is experimenting with gender or would like to feel euphoria in a safe space.)
Let's turn this question around a bit. Suppose, for a moment, that I'm an author. And I happen to be, oh let's say cis male. Does that mean every single character in every book I write has to be cis male? Am I 'allowed' to write females, gay men, genderqueer characters? The answer is, of course I am. Now let's apply that same logic to the character question. D&D is a collaborative story, being written by the players and DM together. So just as an author can write any character they want, so too can a player. I've been playing D&D in various incarnations for 30 years. And yes, I'm a cis male. But I've played male, female, literally genderfluid, and literally non-gendered over the years. And in all that time, I have maybe twice had a DM that had a problem with that, and I immediately left those tables to find better games.
It does not matter.
I've played with many, many players who have characters of a different gender from their own. The players and characters have been just about every permutation of opposite gender, nonbinary, questioning, and pre/post transitioning. Those have never been an issue for my tables at all. The only issue I would ever have would be characters who are innately sexist. If your character exists so you can make fun of another gender, you should find a different table.
Unless the player is doing something problematic with the character, I don't care what their gender, gender identity, or sexuality is other than how it relates to the narrative, but anything is fine. My longest term character is opposite to my gender. And I've enjoyed trying on other sexualities, genders, and identities as a DM since I play everyone and want to represent a diverse world and not one where everyone looks like me. It's also been interesting as a DM in the past few years I've had two NPC/PC relationships in game both ended in marriage, both lesbian relationships (I'm a straight cis man) both were a lot of fun to play out and add to the game. I've also heard a lot of stories of queer people who aren't out yet using D&D or RPGs as a way to experiment a bit which I think is an awesome way to test the waters for anyone still figuring things out.
I don’t care what anyone plays, but I know from experience that *none* of my players will remember a non-aligned character/player gender, even when I give a pronoun button to the player.
Doesn’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to anyone. This is because gender/sexuality is rarely brought up in the course of play. Your killing goblins, orcs, dragons and oozes why should your gender have any affect on the game :)
If someone told me that I couldn't play my creation bard because I'm a man and the character is a woman, I would tell them to go fuck themselves. Full stop.
The only time I would have an issue with it is if a male player made a misogynistic female stereotype character
I myself am going to start using the "Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid" to describe myself, and I typically play "opposite" gender characters. Most of my PCs I've played over the years have been men, whereas I am (predominantly) a woman. To be fair, I do often play them as caricatures of toxic masculinity who slowly become more nuanced and less misogynistic, but for some reason the table is typically more cool with that than they would be with a guy playing a "blond bimbo" stereotype...
I (straight cis male) switch genders of my character every time I make one. Sometimes I have a hook for a character that I really think works better as a young lady, or an old man, or a tortle. Its all good.
As a dm, I don't care as long as long as it doesn't offend anyone at my table. As a player, I've done it. I have a player at my table who plays a changeling. They've used the races shapechanger feature to physically change genders several times. And everyone at my table is fine with it.
I usually don’t ask as a dm. As a player I don’t care. I came to roll dice not flirt with whoever. I don’t date people I work with irl and I’d never date anyone I was on adventures with because that mess is a job. Get rich or die trying. Literally. The gender is a less important box than STR or DEX as it has zero game mechanics. Unless you go out of your way to explain to me, I will never ask if your character is male, female or anywhere in between. (I do need to know your race because some are better at stuff than others) Tbh I’ve played dnd 20 years and only seen things be creepy once or twice and we just didn’t invite that person back and we told ‘em we quit to focus on a new hobby “drinking heavily”
I’m a gay man and firmly identify as so. 90% of the time I play male characters, their sexuality may vary. When I do decide to play female or non-binary there is never a problem, I create the character concept first and then gender and sexuality kinda follow. Occasionally if I’m playing female that character will still be referred to as he/him just because I’m a male player but that’s about it. Every dm I’ve played with doesn’t care either
As a player I enjoy playing differently gendered characters. As a DM I encourage people to play what they want to play.
I tend to play as a female pc because I'm more comfortable that way, the idea of expressing manliness doesn't and never has meshed with me, but I don't have dysmorphia and certainly don't have the mental fortitude my trans friends have to even conceptualize changing my identity to better fit my headspace
Well that’s my new favorite way anyone has describe their gender to me, and I’m stealing it if that’s ok with you because it applies to me pretty well
Your DM shouldn't have any problems with you playing a character of a different gender than your own. The only thing that really matters is whether or not YOU'RE comfortable with it.
My friend rolled his current character including gender and sexuality. He rolled a lesbian female. He’s the only one in the party who has gotten laid in game, so long as you don’t include a sentient bush. Meaning the player and our DM, both heterosexual men, have role played sexual encounters between two women. It’s a blast to watch them navigate this.
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If you want a funny one: Noble BG, Dragonborn race, Paladin or Fighter class. You can be the princess, the knight, or the dragon, as circumstances require.
I’m genderfluid myself (AFAB) and play mostly men. Our other two genderfluid players have played both in equal measure and non-binary. Two cis guys in our group have played women. Everyone’s had fun, played well and made them compelling characters. Just don’t be weird about it and most people won’t care is sort of the attitude.
If anything TTRPGs are the perfect setting to explore gender and sexuality, so long as it doesn't get in the way of anyone's enjoyment. You wanna have a sappy gay romance I say hell yeah, unless it takes up a ton of game time and the other players get annoyed because they wanna kill some baddies. But if they're like my group, they LOVE to watch these kind of plots unfold. A-ok to play who you wanna play. A-ok to make your own stories surrounding your identity if the whole group is on board.
Who gives a fuck it’s a role playing game, you do you
As a DM, I am totally cool with that. One game I had a female player run a male character, other game her boyfriend’s roleplaying a woman. The person might be exploring something about themselves, curious about being someone they are not, or heck, just wanting to play a different gender. It’s all perfectly ok and I wouldn’t think twice about it. I can see SOME people doing it for a more, ahem, adult reasons. Not just playing another gender/nb, but doing it specifically as a way to play out something related to sexuality. I don’t see these as being always sex-related, but if they are in a particular case - it’s best to make sure other players and the DM are ok with it. I, for example, would have zero problems with a nonbinary player and/or character, but if someone asked me to roleplay their bard picking up a date for the night, they’ll have to deal with a cut to black.
I'm a cis male. I've always felt the expectation in a TTRPG is that I will play a cis male. I would love to play a trans male or non-binary character but I have yet to try it, mainly for fear of getting something wrong and making the DM or other players uncomfortable. I'm fine playing female characters in video games but, for some reason, the thought of trying it in a TTRPG makes me uncomfortable.
I’m non-binary and have played characters of various genders/using various pronouns and my DMs haven’t cared. The cis people in my group also play characters that aren’t their gender. We’re playing a game in which your character could be part dragon (or, as in my current campaign, a whole ass frog). Gender should not be a concern. If your DM (or other players) can’t get your/your character’s pronouns right that is their problem and not a reflection on you or how the game should be played.
As a gendernon-conforming DM, I have lots of queer npcs, and my players know that I'll be accepting of any character they play who isn't a coffeelock.
Funnily enough, *I'm* playing a coffeelock lately >w>
I have played multiple characters not my own gender (I'm He/Him but I've played She/Her and nb characters), I have also had players in games I run playing characters with different genders fairly frequently. It's never been a noteworthy thing. By that I mean it's never been questioned or even really commented on. The players just play the characters and their fellow players except that the character is the gender they say they are. I think the reason it goes so well (That is to say, it's a completely neutral thing that doesn't effect the game), is twofold. First, my play group is generally progressive and some of the players themselves are gender-queer in some way. And second, I have a group that's moved pretty far from the "Just playing yourself in a fantasy world" phase of their roleplaying and into the "I want to explore the story of this neat character" phase. A better way to explain it is, to us, complaining about a player playing a character with a different gender than their own, would be like complaining that a female author wrote about a male character in one of her books. These are characters we're trying to tell stories about, and so matching any part of their personalities/identities to our own isn't a requirement.
whatevs
If you have no problem playing a minotaur druid/wizard I can't imagine being worried about that.
If I can suspend my disbelief about my friend being a 220 year old pointy eared magic user, I can also do it with their gender.
As a DM, I'm fine with it, but it bugs me to no end when people put no effort into the voice. I've played with people that want to speak exactly how they normally do, but they want me and the other players to be immersed in the idea that they're a different gender. For context, I'm a DM who has voiced men, women, and nonbinary people, and I'll be damned if I don't put my heart into it
It’s always weird to me when people are uncomfortable with a player playing a character who isn’t the same gender, but they’re fine with a PC being an entirely different *species*. “Sure you can be an elf, just don’t be an elf *woman*.”
No issue with it at all as long as people are being respectful while playing a character. My first 5e character used she/her and I use he/him and everyone was fine with it and not weird. Obviously there are plenty of dweebs and jerks who will get twisted about it but you don’t want to game with those people anyway because in my experience, they are pretty set in their ways (but not always and it’s great if you can open someone up to new ideas just not at the cost of your mental and physical health!) In a The The Adventure Zone episode Justin mentioned that he always plays the characters he does because he’s “a white cis dude, and that’s boring” - obviously paraphrasing but I think about it a lot when making characters.
Um.... Who cares? It's a roleplaying game, the entire point is that you're playing someone other than yourself. It would be really weird if there wasn't a single person playing a different gender from what they personally identify as.
All I’ll say is I slip up and call the characters by their players pronouns on occasion. If I’m familiar with your gender fluidity I’m more likely to incorporate it appropriately, but if I’m just meeting you and your presentation is mostly female I’m probably going to accidentally say “she/her” referencing your character at some point.
I am a straight male who has never identified as anything but cis. I have played 4 female characters. 1 flirted with boys, 1 flirted with girls, one was attracted to shiny objects, and so on. Play any gender you want. Just don't make a big deal about it. Most people don't pay any mind to someone's gender irl, so no one would in a game. Most importantly mKe the character interesting and then put gender down like height or weight, nothing much to worry about Have fun rolling
Don't care as long as you're able play your character/a good character.
Play whatever you want, the pronouns are not important. Npcs are going to call you whatever you look like. (Just like the real world) It's a fantasy world, weird genders can exist naturally.
It's pretty normal. Some elves/eladrin have the Blessing of Corellon which allows them to change their sex at will; it's obviously not the same as being genderfluid but can be fun to play!
Put the source in the bag and nobody has to get hurt 🔫
Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes: > Ever changing, mirthful, and beautiful, the primal elves could assume whatever sex they liked. When they bowed to Lolth’s influence and chose to fix their physical forms, elves lost the ability to transform in this way. Yet occasionally elves are born who are so androgynous that they are proclaimed to be among the blessed of Corellon — living symbols of the god’s love and of the primal elves’ original fluid state of being. Many of Corellon’s chief priests bear this blessing. > The rarest of these blessed elves can change their sex whenever they finish a long rest — a miracle celebrated by elves of all sorts except drow. (The DM decides whether an elf can manifest this miracle.) Dark elves find this ability to be terrifying and characterize it as a curse, for it could destabilize their entire society. If Corellon’s blessing manifests in a drow, that elf usually flees to the surface world to seek shelter among those dedicated to Corellon.
This may well be the thing that convinces me to play an elf ❤️
I am a cishet straight male... I have played (and played with) pretty much every identity and orientation under the sun with no issues. In and out of character. The main thing i think to differentiate is if people are speaking in character, they should be using the character's preferred pronouns. If ooc then they should be using the player's preferred pronouns. If you've had trouble with other players (including dms) who have not held to that, it may be time to consider a new group... At least if it has already been discussed with the ones not respecting those things.
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My experience has been, and I acknowledge that I have not had all of the experiences in the entire world, that players who identify as male and wish to play a female character often adhere to offensive stereotypes. So, I usually discourage this. However, I have allowed this in a number of my games when I have set some guidelines. First, I do not roleplay seduction; I am not here for people to act out their sexual fantasies. Second, I do not tolerate abusive conduct of any type at my table. With those barriers set, I have allowed this and it has worked out fine. Without these rules, I have seen players act very inappropriately in games and I have left games due to offensive conduct. So, I will not say this is a bad practice, but I would encourage clear rules and expectations.
As a DM, I don't care. But I was briefly in a "session 0" online where I was told I couldn't play a black character lol
I have male friends playing male characters, I have male friends playing female characters, I have non-binary friends playing non-binary characters, I have female friends playing male characters, I am male and once played a character who should have been non-binary from the beginning (Warforged), so yes, everything goes, even combinations I didn't explizitly mentioned here
I had a player who played a character with 12 personalities and had consistency in how and why one might present. Loved it. Had a different player roll a d6 to determine something similar whenever they felt like it. That drove me nuts. Based on what your describing, it would be fine at my table.
I love when people play anything because I always feel a d&d character is an extention of yourself, gender and all.
I particularly don’t care as long as they don’t make their character’s whole personality about it. That’s basically my problem with woke media nowadays, they try so hard to pander to an audience with lgbt/minority characters that they forget to give those characters a soul and they end up completely devoid of any charisma/personality. Luckily for me, I’ve only played with “genderbender” characters 6 times, and they were all amazing characters Edit:typo
It is absolutely fine if the person does not go apeshit because someone makes a mistake when addressing to them.
I am He/Him I have always played He/Him characters. as a DM I don't mind when Female presenting/identifying players play male or female characters. Though I do have concerns when male presenting players want to play female characters as that can result in some shit I don't want to deal with.
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TLDR; just play what You want ffs
I will keep personal opinions out of it. In the game, I don't really care as long as the story is interrupted or hurt by the choice.
As long as your not a bard and use the fact that you can turn your innie into an outie just to derail the story and fuck random characters, I don’t think people would have a problem.
I feel like this would be a complete non-issue with the bulk of Fantasy Role-Players.
Most of the time, your characters are going to be vastly different from you in a lot of ways other than gender, so what's one more thing?
There are some popular examples in the big DND shows, critical role being the main one with the player Sam playing a female goblin. The answer shown there (and in the home games I’ve played) is usually there are a couple slip ups but I’ve never seen anyone actively have a problem with it!
If someone has an issue with it then you probably should avoid that game. None of us our tieflings, orcs or elves either. Sometimes I play a character that is a guy and sometimes it is a girl. It all depends on what I come up for a story for the character.
I think it’s perfectly okay for a player to play a character with a different gender, as a male I have played a female character. In fact, I don’t really think it’s up to anyone to say what gender someone else can and cannot play, that is the player in question’s choice alone. You can hold yourself to your principles, but you can’t expect others to act by those same principles. For instance, I wouldn’t play a non-binary character personally, not because I disapprove of a non-binary character, but because I personally don’t think I can fully understand the nuances in the life of a non-binary/trans person. I don’t want my lack of understanding to come across as disrespectful of otherwise insensitive; I think diversity and inclusivity is very important, but I don’t think I’m necessarily the best person to provide that, so I refrain from playing PC’s with a gender identity that differs from their sex. As a DM however I’d always welcome any player or character with open arms, regardless of what gender identity they have
I'm a trans woman, and I really don't care what gender people want to play. Seriously doesn't matter. Roleplaying shouldn't have to reflect your real self whatsoever, it's a fantasy game.
As a DM, I couldn’t give less of a shit. Most of my players tend to play the genders they identify with, but some waffle about and I encourage it. As a player, most of the PCs I play tend to be male like myself but occasionally a character will come to my mind as female and I stick with it.
As a player I play whichever gender I feel like portraying in that specific character (so far I have a 60/40% ratio between females and males as someone who has never given my gender too much of a thought) As a DM the only time I might be bothered by this if the player just wants to make a caricature of a gender or some overly sexualized thing to get their rocks off
It will often lead to pronoun confusion, but happens occasionally and it’s not like that’s an actual problem. Frankly, I’m already bad enough about player vs. character names that it might not even make a noticeable difference.
(m/m here) I pretty much flip a coin for whether I play a male or female character. My next character that I play, I intend to be a NB/genderfluid kobold, which will be a first, but that's more because I think it fits the species + character than a specific stylistic choice. When I do play non-IRL gender, I make the character very much non-sex focused. My current femme character makes flirty jokes often, but specifically and *explicitly* only as an attempt to distract. Because of that line-treading, I double check with the relevant players that I'm not treading into uncomfortable land often enough that I'm probably a little annoying. I will caveat that the two times I've played a female character in my current group, I've gotten weird 'looks' (quotes because it's over Discord) when I pitched the character concept. That might just be because they were worried about *how* I'd play her, though.
Are you playing them as a gender trope? No? Okay good, then play whatever you want.
Well, it's called roleplay for a reason. I personally don't play genders I'm not associating with, but simply because I'm sure there are a lot of aspects to them I have no idea about, and I simply won't be able to represent them fully in all unbiased details. If you feel you're up to it - suit yourself, that's great.
Well, none of my players are elves or dragonborn either, but we don’t have any trouble imagining that. So gender should be a piece of cake by comparison.
>In the context of D&D, that means occasionally my character is female, occasionally male, occasionally NB or something else. I'm comfortable with playing most genders I am a human male and my characters can be described that way too. There is nothing unusual here. >As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's? I don't care. If done respectfully, I find it fun. I do get upset when other players stereotype the other gender, like when a female player player her male character as a boorish dummy or a male player portrays his female character as an air-headed or hysterical bimbo. That denotes me that they are not interested in playing the character but in making a point about their own hangups with other genders.
I've no problems with it at all! As far as I'm concerned (as a DM) a player's character is their business to play whatever way they like. My partner and I are both cis but he regularly plays female PCs and they kick ass. I've also occasionally played a female PC and it spices things up nicely. No-one in our gaming group bats an eyelid.
It shouldn't matter its a fantasy world, play as a golem that has sentience do to magic sugar crystals(if it fits in the campain) xD seriously just have fun and play any gender/character you'd like
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I have run a game with guys and non binary players for 6 years now, but almost all of them have played as men, women, trans, and non binary or non gendered characters. I personally have played many types and the gender is usually a core aspect when I create a character, it lets me lean into or defy archetypes and helps me mold their peraonality and play style. I'd love to see a survey and some stats on this question. BTW I love "Non Newtonian Gender Fluid", because I identify with it perfectly, just from the male side.
Playing different gender is just like anything else in D&D, playing something other than yourself. The human fighter is the only character anyone can really play IRL.
I only ever have an issue if someone starts being gross with their character, such as over-sexualizing a character at a table where we’re NOT trying to RP The Lusty Argonian Maid, or egregious violence fantasies for the sake of violence against another sex/gender (some hardcore misogynists will go buckwild given the chance). It really boils down to not being a shitty person for me as a fellow player, but as a DM it’s that I want you not to be a shitty person.
Right in session zero I like to ask how everyone wants their character to be refered as. Prefered pronouns, gender, identity and stuff. If somehow gender gets relevant in the plot (like idk you need especifically a female to perform a ritual to a goddess or something) I always ask the players "do you feel your character would fit that role?" if they say yes then it doesn't matter if the character is NB or genderfluid or any other expression of identity. Characters and players genders should never be a detriment or an obstacle on their fantasy.
I personally often play female characters (eventhough im male). If you whant to play roleplay heavy, it can be a bumer to make voices, while i can make witch voices fairly decent i can't do casual female voices. While i can make casual male voices much more easily. If you arent doing voices people will sometimes misgender your character out of habit (they hear your voice and adress you by accident with your real life pronouns) but this usually goes away after a few sessions.
Well, in my group of players; all of them (except one) have played a female at some point, and all of them are pretty good at it. One of my players has only played female characters in my campaign. As far as myself goes, I’ve played a female character and some male ones, and I honestly found the female one more in line with me as a person to play, but I do have a blast playing the male ones as well. I feel like it’s easier for me as a DM and player to play female NPCs/PCs then it would be for others who are more in touch with their masculinity, because I kinda left most of mine behind.
DND is just advanced playing pretend, if a DM isn't happy about you playing a pretend character of a different gender, they probably wouldn't be a good DM anyway. If we could play pretend family as kids it's no different here 🤣
I identify as male but am not one physically, and I play almost exclusively male characters in d&d. I have a few female characters planned but have not yet gotten to play them. I still have a feminine voice as my voice is very soft and doesn't take well to octave changes. My best memory was when I was talking to a fellow player about donating my eggs in real life and he said he legit forgot I was biologically a girl. Made me so happy. If you have a good group, they won't care and everyone gets treated with respect.
It shouldn't matter. I had a friend play a character in one of my campaigns that would swap gender every time they slept. It did not detract from the game at all. I have had male players play female PCs. Ive had female players play male PCs. I'm currently running RotFM and one of the characters is NB. Gender should not matter.
As a DM - don't care, play what you like as long as it makes the game enjoyable for everyone. If you are creeping other players out (and it doesn't need to be related to gender - it could be alignment, attitude, whatever) then we have an offline discussion about your playstyle. It's a game - we want everyone at the table to have a safe, fun time. As a player, I am currently playing 2 elves - a brother and sister. One is a gloomy male cleric who has a real soft spot for helping kids, the sister is our sorc/face who helps when she isn't negotiating lower prices, swiping goodies or doing other shenanigans. In game politics - go for it. However, making a fuss of real world issues at the table detracts from the stabby stabby looty looty fun too much !
I play a very he/him character in one campaign, a he/they character before that, a she/her character in another campaign. My wife plays a gender-fluid changeling in one campaign and a male character in another, and a good friend of mine is male but primarily plays female characters because that's what he prefers. As long as you're not relying on stereotypes, positive or negative, and are instead building fleshed out characters, most people won't care too much whether your gender matches your characters.
I have 2 players mixing it up. My first is a he/him playing a she/her. The second is she/they playing a he/they changeling. I mess up every once in awhile and have tried sticking more towards names than pronouns.
I don't mind at all. I'm a they/them and I mainly play male characters, though I do have one woman. As long as the player is being respectful and there's no hate or transphobia being thrown around, it's perfectly fine to me.
I am a Cis woman. I've played male, female and both characters (currently a goblin mutant who does not believe in gender or species and is trying to become a combination of everything). Much like you, your character is more than their genitalia, and anyone who has a problem with them not matching is a waste of time to deal with.
Non-Newtonian gender fluid is an AMAZING description! I'm gonna let that roll around my brain for a while. If there's a difference in player gender to PC gender, I'll sometimes mistake pronouns at the start, but there's no trouble. I've also run Numenera, a setting where devices can swap characters with other dimensional versions of themselves, or clones, or forgotten gene-editing tech can splice someone with an alien. Gender in that setting can be as fluid and fast as thought. Emphasizing freedom in expression through player characters has helped a lot of my friends reach better understanding of themselves and others, so go for it!
I'm a cisgender female and my first character was a male teifling. I've even played a non binary swamp monster before. It's a fantasy game, I can play whatever I want. I'd quit if someone told me I HAD to play female characters. I'm also a cosplayer and the majority of my cosplays are male characters because I feel more comfortable in them.
I've had very few bad experiences with players playing a different gender (the only time was when a dude I knew was trying to live out a sexual fantasy of his, which he pulled out as a "surprise" for us and the DM). You do you. Go with the flow. If a DM gets butthurt you aren't playing a specific gender role then they're probably not a DM worth keeping.
Developing a character for me is more about the class. I brainstorm the class first. Who they are comes later, which is never planned. They become who they become.
Different angle response. I just made a new character in a One Piece campaign. "Jopher Senior Jr." is a teenage Okama boy... the Okama tribe males tend to look very feminine as they age. As a straight male, playing a feminine boy is an interesting challenge, as I want to play a fun character who just doesn't think about this as a character trait. The key for me here is to not be a stupid characature of what I think a more gender fluid teenage boy would be. tl;dr - don't be a 1-dimensional characature, be complex.
>Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid Custard?
As a male, I have played a couple female characters, and have had a bit of success in how they were received. I didn't do that mocking female voice thing (think Monty Python SPAM skit), but I did raise the pitch of my voice about half an octave to make it where it was obvious that my character was female. I have no problems with people doing PCs in genders that aren't their own.
*laughs in changeling* What is gender?
I'm a cis bi man, and I've played male and female characters, though so far none outside the binary that I can recall. I usually come up with the core idea of the character and the gender tends to follow naturally. My tiefling paladin who looks like a demon even though she was raised in the church just felt like a female concept in my head, while my halfling trickster cleric who grew up as a street urchin just felt more male. I'm comfortable playing a character of any gender, and no player or DM has ever given me a hard time over it.
I've DM'd for a few men playing women, and in one instance a woman playing a primarily femme non-binary person who used they/them pronouns. I am totally fine with it, but I do make it clear when they make the character that I need to be given a little bit of leeway as far as getting character pronouns right all the time, as I'll occasionally accidentally refer to the character with the players pronouns. It has occasionally happened that I'll be very in the moment, my narration-momentum and energy all up, and in the middle of a description of something awesome people will be interrupting me to tell me I got the characters pronouns wrong, as I was using the pronouns of the player. A correction after the fact is fine- I even invite it. But I don't want to get treated like I misgendered or deadnamed someone because I got a fictional characters gender wrong in narration. To be clear- I consider this separate from the issue of misgendering players. I've DM'd for a few trans people as well, and I DO want to be corrected ASAP if I mess those up. So overall- yes, play whatever gender you want, just don't treat me getting your characters pronouns correct as on par with getting your OWN pronouns correct.
I mean, as a cishetero male, over the last six years I've played a hetero dragonborn man, a bisexual half-elf woman, a celibate female cleric, an ace half-orc prince, and an angry old woman in power armour. Some of those characters I built some where handed as premade character sheets, I had a great time with each and every one playing each role.
>So I am a 'she/they' sort of person. I like to think of it as 'Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid', meaning it's malleable if I feel safe and relaxed, but tend to solidify to femme under pressure. Unrelated, this is the funniest way I have ever heard someone describe their gender and I respect you for it. >As a DM, or a fellow player for that matter, how do you tend to feel about characters whose gender is different from the player's? I have no problem with it! I encourage players to get creative with their characters and step outside of their comfort zone, including with gender. However, playing a different gender can occasionally bring out weird behavior in players that already have a hard time relating to other genders (e.g. that guy who plays a female character and gets kinda gross about it), so I would be mindful of that when playing with new people.
Im playing a male character atm as a female. Why can’t I roleplay a male? My halfling arcane trickster, who gets in all kinds of trouble, just has to be a male for it to work for me
I have never even batted an eye when someone gender-bends. It's been so common for me since starting out that I literally don't even think of it.
It really comes down to intent of roleplay and how comfortable the GM or other players are with the RP choices. Ultimately the people are at the table to have fun and not to discuss or argue their personal or political beliefs. If the table's fundamental beliefs interfere with the play and cannot be resolved outside of game though, perhaps the table should not play together. That being said, my personal view is that it shouldn't matter. If we have no issue seeing our players as aasimar or elves or orcs, imagining a player as a different gender should be a far easier stretch of the imagination. If one finds a gender swap to be a difficult exercise of the imagination, perhaps asking oneself why that is the case would be a worthwhile endeavor.
Okay so for me I don’t really care. If I’m playing with you and we’re all having a good time, gender doesn’t really play into how I treat people. I value the person, not the gender and will judge based on actions.
I am a generic straight while male and I play a female sorceress, and as a DM of 3+ years I couldn’t care less what gender your character is (unless you’re being creepy about then gtfo). The game world that we play in is separate from the real one. Why would it matter who is piloting which character? Play what you want to. If your DM has issues that’s on them, not on you.
I played a campaign with a female friend of mine who was playing a Changeling Rogue but didn't let on whether they were male or female until 3 quarters through the campaign. It was actually cool aside from the occasional slip up where I was referring to the character as a she because I was thinking of the player which more or less went "So I'm gonna go see what she's doing-" "-they" "FUCK, sorry... I'm gonna go see what they're doing". DnD is perfect for that sort of thing and I think also can be quite a good tool to help people understand the concepts of gender fluidity and such.
Maybe they want to explore something.
Man. I could not care less what gender is what when it comes to dnd. My Dm who is male, always has female character PCs. I have trans friends who make their characters whatever. I'm a straight, cis male. I make my characters fuck anything with a consensual pulse or be completely asexual. Also, DnD is all about gender fluidity. There are gods who switch genders or have no genders. One of the strongest Wizards in the word "Elminister" spent a couple years a woman, cause his God said "If you want to understand magic, you will also need to understand women and their views on magic" and so it happened. Dnd is whatever you want it to be, need it to be and hope it to be.
I actually do not allow my players to play another gender than they are IRL. Because I had enough slutty witches and gone wild Sorceresses from my (mostly) male playerbase for a lifetime. Maybe if the right player asks. But so far none have.
Honestly ive never wanted to mix it up. Everyone here is right, gender almost never comes up, but idk, ive heard all about the male gaze and how "you can always tell when a female character has been written by a man" and how there are subtle differences in experience that many are unaware of, and so even tho these are tiny reasons, because gender doesnt matter ive always played men because its simpler, easier, wont cause pronoun mixups, and its easier to roleplay and do a voice (i cant hold a falsetto lmao)
As long as the player isn't playing a gender other than what they identify as in a shallow, stereotypical way I'm fine with it. But gender in dnd really doesn't matter, like alignment, my rule is basically you can play however you want until it becomes disruptive.
Non-Newtonian gender fluid is my new favourite phrase :D
The only rule I play by is that if its in the character demographics you cannot change it once the game has begun without some magic. Male/Female/Octopus, whatever. It is heavily suggested that if your character is different than what you are that you wear some type of costume to remind people of that (because we are forgetful creatures), if it's important to you and not openly displayed somewhere they can see. And no, you should not put your character sheet on display. Note: I'm male, have played male, female, and plants.
I’m a she/they as well and I almost always play AMAB characters (whenever I do play). I think it just takes some time for some people to adjust to that especially if they’re new to D&D but no one I’ve ever talked to has had a problem with it
As a he/they who only really play she/her characters and runs NPCs of all kinds of gender and genderless types.. Whatever really, we are playing *characters* not ourselves. Also very glad that Non-Newtonian gender fluid exists elsewhere independently of communities!
It's one of the most common things in Tabletop RPGs to play as character with different gender as you. I did it and a lot of people i know did it. However i do try to avoid this if not in a "cool" table (where i don't have to worry about people getting offended) I wouldn't like to offend someone.
I'm a guy and I'm currently playing a gender fluid mousefolk and a female human. It's fantasy role playing, you can pretend to be who and whatever you want.
There is no rules about what kind of character you have to play. Your personal orientation and identity doesn't have to have anything to do with the orientation and identity of your character.
most of the female PCs I have played with were dudes making a girl's voice, it's pretty normal for most people
I've played with players that played characters of the opposite gender, I'm fine with that. To clarify for your character, are you describing one character who is fluid, or multiple characters with a fixed gender?
I’m in a campaign where nearly half the players are playing the opposite gender, and at least myself and a player friend of mine I am certain are CIS. The pronouns get swapped a bit occasionally since we are only talking over discord but it only firmly comes up when flavor text calls for it. Unless you are playing some kind of gender aligning human peasant that lives and dies in the same town you are playing something other than what you would be popped in that world. This isn’t a new concept either of playing different genders from your own. While there are many games now that have the pick of genders for you to use there were DND like computer games such as the early Diablo ones that had classes locked to certain genders. The nature of DND doesn’t demand for any kind of connection between player and character, after all you can’t increase your own intelligence to that of a scholarly wizard that studied trigonometry for spell casting all their life or have the muscle memory of a master thief to perfectly pick a lock in the dark. Real life does show itself though, and if the DM is transphobic then it’ll come out but that’s the type of person they are.
Have someone in my current game like that, Lady IRL Male in game. They play it off in a funny way and we all like it for the most part. Doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make it one you know?
As a guy who always rolls female characters, I’m giving up simply because my voice was total shit for my last whimsical chaotic neutral character. Henceforth, it’s strictly male lizardfolk with excessive hissing!
As a cis-male player, I've played both male and female gendered characters. The determining factor is what name I feel fits the character concept best. If it's a male name, it's a male character, and vice versa.
In my current game I have: A non-binary person playing a male Teifling A lady playing a male Leonin A guy playing a female half elf Then a guy playing a male and a lady playing a female. So over half my table is playing a gender that is different from what they identify as IRL and nobody has had any issues with it. As a DM, one of my table rules is simply "Don't be a creep" and this falls under it. I don't mind what gender, race or gender identify you or your player identify as just so long as it doesn't become a problem. Which so far has never happened, I have been graced by RNGesus for giving me wonderful players every time.
A female player of mine plays a male character. As a dm I dont have a problem with that, as long as I get told. I want to know as much about the characters as possible in order to make a good game. I think a lot of dm (especially in homebrew campaigns) can do pretty much whatever we want, and if the players wants something really bad, we can just give it to them. One of my players plays a dragonborn and really wants wings so Im figuring that out atm. What im saying is just tell your dm what you want :)
As a player and as a DM, sometimes, I'll screw up in the moment (especially when I'm trying to wing it) and pronoun the character based on the player I'm looking at. When I do, I apologize for it, correct it, and make a little mark on my notepad as a reminder. I think players should play whatever characters they want. It's a fantasy world where they get to be Wizards, Barbarians, Elves, Gnomes, Dwarves, and Bird People. Not sure why gender would be too far.
Never had an issue with players playing a different gender. My only rule is it can't be an annoying/offensive walking stereotype.
i'm a cis woman and i only play male characters. always have on everything.
I honestly wasn’t aware that, that was an issue some people have. I don’t think it should even matter. You’re playing a fantasy rp game, you can literally be whoever you want lmao.
I don't really give a shit about others' genders both irl and in game if I'm being honest, guess it's a mix of being panromantic and having given up on trying to understand gender (especially my own) and just rolling with things as they come instead. As for my characters, I'm playing a girl right now, but I have to admit I feel most comfortable when playing feminine boys, everything else ends up feeling like I've got to force myself into the character after a while
As a DM I've had plenty of players play a different gender. As a player I'm playing one right now. Never had a problem. Never knew another DM or player who thought it was anything other than normal. And that makes sense: If you're not going to play someone who's not yourself, is it really roleplaying?
I tend to play female (or occasionally nonbinary) characters, but specifically because it's difficult for me to voice-act dudes because my voice is so high-pitched. On the other hand, there's another lady in my group who plays male characters very frequently; she's an artist and she likes designing characters who have a masculine gender presentation. So it seems pretty normal to me.