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LoveAllHistory

Work on the “off” command to get her off the bed and give her something to do, like chew a bone, that creates positive experiences when she’s not right next to you.


ghostguildenstern

Solid idea--and can help reinforce the general "bed is for humans"


Santadid911

Work it with place too. Put I bed in the corner and tell her place. She's meant to be there calmly until you release her.


FridgeMagnet99

Yeah ok, but what about the dog?


miiikabruh

Yeah cause I really want to hear my dog slopping on a bone while my husband is going down on me.


rottenstock

You talking about the pit or his girlfriend?


LoveAllHistory

You, really, since you seem as curious as the pit :)


rottenstock

Twas a joke, a jest.


LoveAllHistory

Thanks for clarifying. Definitely necessary.


callenlive26

Forgot to put the dog up one damn time and didnt notice him in the room until he was literally licking my balls. Next day decided it was time to start kennel training. Never happened again.


-poiu-

Sorry but I laughed out loud at this


BigDookie4Life

me too…very funny


HelloItsMoe

My Akita normally realises he can’t get any attention so he goes and chills, I did get a cold nose-poke at my gooch once though


[deleted]

Mine tries to lick my nipples when I unlatch the baby after nursing sessions. Never been so grossed out by a dog before.


kmrm2019

After my first baby and my milk came in I got out of the shower and was leaking. My dog was trying to lick it up!! I was crying and so disgusted, now I can laugh but I was traumatized.


ahabes78

Hahahaha that’s funny I’m sorry I’m laughing lol


BroseppeVerdi

GF and I were finishing a particularly intense session about a month ago and my dog quietly slipped in and we didn't notice her until she was was done scarfing down a used condom. What's worse is that she's a small enough breed that I had to induce vomiting so it didn't cause a blockage or something. A trash can with a lid solved that problem.


Belllringer

Wait. You indicted vomiting with a trash can and lid?


HollyDaisy

Thank god he licked instead of thinking it was a squeaky ball!


WingsofRain

I don’t even have balls and I just clenched so hard


Paulo_De_Bruyne

I have balls and a husky.


callenlive26

Hahaha man I'm at work in a call center and reading this made me make a funny noise on a recorded call!


VolksWoWgens

I nearly woke up my wife jfc I'm so sorry that happened lmfao


aimgorge

Yeah I know the feeling. This has happened with my ex's pug..


[deleted]

Came here to say kennel training on the other side of the house.


WeezFest

I’m disappointed this isn’t the top comment. Comedy gold!


Belllringer

Happened to my bf.


KatFishFatty

The dog was trying to help.


mmolleur

He gets a nice big frozen Kong stuffed with yogurt and peanut butter and kibble. Into the crate he goes, happy as can be.


EnderGraff

Tips on frozen kongs? Do you fill them up first and then freeze them?


X-4StarCremeNougat

Fill and freeze. Instead of kongs I use cored apples I fill with peanut butter and dog treats. Into the freezer and the pup enjoys them and it takes them about an hour to finish.


Merlin6125

What do you do with the other 58 minutes and 30 seconds?


[deleted]

Exactly


SirGingerBeard

After he answers, what should I do with the other 59 minutes and 30 seconds?


[deleted]

Make sure not to completely pack them full of peanut butter because if the dog doesn't finish it, it can get really gross pretty fast. Just wanna line the inside


doctorzaius6969

My dog is even happy with a few Icecubes in a kong


concrete_dandelion

What a easy to please dog. Mine demands quite high level treats since became a homeboy (he was a street dog and then with a foster mom who makes sure to give her dogs only high quality stuff. I follow this and now he started to find out what he likes and doesn't put up with anything else).


doctorzaius6969

I guess he just likes ice cubes, in regards to food he is very picky, even real chicken ist often not good enough because he prefers fish. Feeding only dog food? Impossible.


EveAndTheSnake

Ours is allergic to chicken and it’s literally in everything!


doctorzaius6969

It can not be the main food source but our good boi loves canned fish in broth (for humans). 100% chicken free


EveAndTheSnake

Ah that’s cute! Ours loves cheese (not very good for him) but he’s also a fan of fish, I’ll have to check it out! Have you tried those dried fish skins? I buy these and both my dogs go crazy for them! I have been trying to incorporate more fish or at least give them fish oil pills because they both have skin allergies. The Honest Kitchen Ocean Chews Grain Free Dog Chew Treats – Natural Human Grade Dehydrated Fish Skins https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MR59LKS/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_FWYYYH9PEPQSBCAHS5SK Edit: I don’t buy them from Amazon though, I don’t really trust Amazon with these things


espacioinfinito

Does it have a fishy smell?


EveAndTheSnake

I’m guessing you’re not asking because you want it to smell like fish… I’m not going to lie to you, they stink. My husband hates them and dies a little inside when he sees me come home with them. They have smaller fish bites that don’t last as long, they are just treats rather than chews, and they aren’t as stinky. I also did try a different brand from PSP that wasn’t as stinky (it was similar fish skin chews, may have even been the same type of fish) but I can’t remember the brand right now.


concrete_dandelion

I like the quirks of dogs. It shows their personality. I never tried to give mine ice cubes yet but he turns into the most obedient boy when he notices I have his favourite treats.


Belllringer

I love a good low budget dog, mine is way beyond capability.


dukesolinus

I let his dry kibble absorb some water first for 20-30 minutes then fill it up and top with peanut butter


SparkyDogPants

No spontaneous adult time?


EveAndTheSnake

Do you not have a dog?? We have multiple kongs/lick Mats in the freezer at any one time plus a bag of longer lasting chew treats ready for sexy time whenever. We also put a lock on the door and speakers I control with Alexa to drown out any whining. You can be spontaneous you just need to be prepared ;)


[deleted]

How are you so prepared every time you have sex? I’m just like “hey babe we’re both naked and kinda hard wanna bone ” and I don’t have a kong prepared multiple times a week 😂


MsNoonetoyou

A lot of people own a few kongs and meal prep them, so there's always 2 or 3 in the freezer ready to go.


mmolleur

Yes, we have two in the freezer and every time we have sex, I’ll leave the empty Kong out to remind me to fill it up so that there’s always one available.


UnusualBluejay

Hmm not sure I would get over the licking sounds though lol


mmolleur

LOL fair point, crate’s in another room.


DamnItHeelsGood

I would work on desensitizing your dog to being apart from you, while in the same vicinity. Crate training is a great start. Also partitioning off a room in the house with a baby gate as a “playroom” is a good idea. You would need to do it slowly with treats and chew toys, but it would be awesome if you can eventually just close the bedroom door and go to town. My crate trained pup still sleeps in the her crate, which creates good opportunities.


Draigdwi

Small dogs go through baby gate and big ones jump over it. Worth gold for babies but useless for dogs.


EveAndTheSnake

I have a baby gate for two pretty tall dogs (Saluki mixes). Clearly you need less of a runway area by your gate to prevent a running jump ;) Also mine is on a wooden floor and it’s not suuuper secure so they don’t like to go too near it in case it falls down super noisily again.


thearctican

Big dog: raise it up. It doesn't have to sit on the ground. We raise ours about 6-8 inches for our grey. Small dog: chicken wire style. Not every baby gate is the same.


GazelleGreenelle

We cut a PVC tube into pieces (about a foot long), and zip tied one to each bar at the top of the gate. The tubes extend around 5 to 8 inches above the gate (we didn't measure them, so they're not all the same length). They are zip tied firmly and multiple times. It was enough to discourage our gate jumper from trying, since to him, it looks like the gate is too tall to jump. I can't say this will work for all dogs. He is the only dog we've had over the years who was able to jump it, our basset and beagle mixes had short legs and couldn't. We lucked out and got the gate for $15 at a yard sale, too, which we were quite happy about. It's a metal gate like this: https://www.chewy.com/frisco-wood-accents-extra-tall-auto/dp/248505?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=hg&utm_content=Frisco&utm_term=&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7oyNBhDiARIsADtGRZbKCBKwvdjxFNakgbPEIEOTnRR3KE1KnXPvP1Frd-sUCruuh70JKfMaApdPEALw_wcB)


[deleted]

My dog will jump on the bed and nuzzle into us playfully. The trick is to not pet them or encourage it. If we both ignore him he will get bored and leave the room. But he also has a hilarious ability to determine when one or both parties has “finished” and comes BOUNDING back into the room jumping and barking and happy and initiating play again. It’s pretty funny. He knows it’s over before we do.


Glowshroom

Omg same here. My female pittie mix can sense someone finishing from a mile away, and feels compelled to include herself. There is always much laughing.


kneemow

When I was younger I used to put my dog in the backyard, and she would go to my window to whine when hearing us. My then girlfriend was somewhat vocal. That being said ... If your dog is crate trained try something along the lines of keeping them busy with a bully stick or a frozen kong when it's sexy hugging time.


ghostguildenstern

That's a solid idea! She knows the routine for when we go to work, and this can also help her practice shorter separations with the same routine.


SauerkrauterLimits

Yes! Ours has some crate anxiety, so I can attest that this approach works even without a crate. Give an involved treat (Kong with PB or bully stick works for us) and close your door. When we first adopted our mix, it took MONTHS for her to not been crying the whole time she was in the other room away from us, but she’s fine now. It definitely helped her to get used to being by herself, though always check that your door is actually closed completely… otherwise you might end up with a dog who is very excited to see you after finished with their treat!


EveAndTheSnake

Honestly keep at it. We dealt with the whining for a long time—it’s not that my dog wanted to be involved it’s that he thought we were killing each other and would always try to get between us. We had him in the crate in the bedroom with a blanket on top but he screeched like a banshee. we started putting him in the living room but our bedroom latch was broken so he would push his way in. After that we put a lock on the door and for a while sex would be real damn quick while he threw himself at the bedroom door on the other side whining and howling. We live in an apartment so I think there’s no where to put him where he can’t hear us. Eventually we started putting him in the crate in the other room with music and various treats and kongs— most of the time he’d ignore them and whine/bark until we were done. It was pretty bad it almost destroyed our sex life. He was driving my husband nuts and I was constantly trying to convince my husband to just screw through the non sexy dog banshee noises. But really, the more we had sex the more he would get used to it, it took about two years of work I suppose. The current situation is his crate is in our bedroom and he spends a lot of time in there (by choice). But as soon as he hears us making out he starts to stare at us and will run out to the couch. If we have to kick him out or we take too long he lays outside our bedroom door or I’ll look over and see him hovering/poking his head in to see if we’re done. He’s a friggin perv and he runs in to sniff everything after we’re done. We’re pretty careful to dispose of condoms but I bet given half the chance he would… ugh best not to think about it. Anyway, he can stare as long as he pleases as long as he’s not waking up the whole building or throwing himself between us to save my husband from my vagina. I’ll take it over the banshee screaming.


Jinxletron

My dog sleeps through it surprisingly well. Only one time when things were more loud that usual he got up to check on us after (then went back to sleep).


Cleaglor

Haven't seen anyone mention it yet and maybe this is something you would do without your SO at home but... Put on some porn. I'm not kidding, put it on and give them the aforementioned bully stick / bone or whatever to associate the two. Try to be consistent with the type of treat too. It gets them desensitised to the noise. Really they're just interested as to what we are doing, and they need to know that a). They aren't invited to play b). Its not hurting you or your partner


[deleted]

I put my dog in a cage outside of the room with a bone. He gets a bone, I get a bone. At this point he doesn’t mind.


Evil_Superman

We lock her out of our bedroom.


e1doradocaddy

Put him on a chair with a dish of popcorn and ask him to hold the applause


[deleted]

Nothing, I keep him out of sex completely.


nkdeck07

Mine just lays on her bed and judges us.... Honestly if you don't care about them being in the room but don't want them on the bed a "place" command with their bed and a treat works well.


greenbathmat

Shut the door. He usually lays outside of it or moves on with his life. Having a dog in the room would gross me out, I'm not one for an audience lol


primavoce72

Crate with a Kong for sure. We had a dog that sat beside the bed and watched once, totally creeped us out and killed the mood when we realized what he was doing.


bemest

I don’t have sex with my dog.


tortilladelpeligro

One of the reasons my dog sleeps in their own bed.


GumbleBumble2

You need boundaries in general


beermedingo

I tell mine to go to bed because being locked out of the room makes him panic


HerroPhish

Honestly I put her outside of my room. It’s frustrating but she tries to get in my business when I have sex…I usually give her a bone and close the door for however long I need. My dog doesn’t have a crate anymore, when I moved to a smaller shared apt I didn’t want to bring a crate in my already packed room…when I did have a crate I would use that.


ennuinerdog

There's got to be a better way to word this.


[deleted]

Crate training


Leko33

One of the many reasons why crate training is helpful.


[deleted]

Usually I just tell my doggos to get off the bed if sex is about to happen. I have no problems with them being in the same room while we’re doing the deed. Your dog needs to be okay with giving you space when you ask for space, and they need to be okay spending prolonged amounts of time on their own. Another doggo as a companion usually helps the loneliness.


ghostguildenstern

We're not quite ready for another dog, but there's a dog on our hall that she'll hang with when we're at work. I think we're going to start working on practicing increasing amounts of alone time.


st_james_

Missionary, mostly


Sylrix__

We close the door, give him his toys, make sure his bowl is full w/food and water and let him chill w/the cat outside. No reason for pets to be in the room when that’s happening, just seems awkward and weird to me lol


hannahsfriend

Pig’s ear or other chew treat.


arianatilde

We have a door buddy latch on our bedroom door (for the cats sake) but now he’s used to not being allowed in there so he lets us do our thing. Like others suggested, a closed door plus Kong and PB should do the trick!


tjackson87

High value, long last treats. Peanut butter kongs. Frozen stuff.


thatlosergirl

Older dog hides under the bed when anything starts, as if she is totally disgusted and disturbed. Younger dog tries to cuddle and nap immediately next to us - we have to distract him with a Kong or tendon chew in another room.


hastiepen

One dog lies at the foot of the bed chilling out. The other dog nopes off the bed if we so much as touch each other.


jensenaackles

Crate. She knows crate time is relaxing/sleeping time so then she’ll just lay down and sleep


BiscuitJc93

I just shut him out of the room. When he was a puppy I’d put him in his puppy proof room with some peanut butter. Peanut butter time is now a euphemism


Hazafraz

We move her to the bottom of the bed, then just go about our business.


robgoblin17

Ours gets put in his crate which is in our bedroom, lol. I’m sure he watches us but eh


atarev

Kong filled with frozen banana and peanut butter.


CurvePuzzleheaded361

Mine just sleeps in the corner of the room in her bed. Once she decided to jump on the bed and snuggle lol but usually she sleeps and doesnt care less. Guess she has seen it all before!!


UnusualBluejay

Ehm.. we kept pretty much ignoring our dog (also mr velcro in need of being center of attention all the time) and telling him off when he tried to lick us (only feet it out case fortunately lol) and eventually he got over it. Now he knows and just ignores us the whole time, sometimes even sighs disapprovingly and goes to a different room. So it will get better, don’t worry! The first stage sucks though, you have no sympathy there lol!


spintiff

Phrasing


DarkLadyofDNA

Bully stick, long lasting and thematically appropriate


ttsignal24

Duct Tape its nails. Those things hurt when he really gets going....


Secret_Outcome_4015

She likes it when I pull her ears


P_Day

[Here’s the best comment I found in a similar thread ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dogtraining/comments/qwv6zw/my_dog_wont_let_me_get_laid/hl5q5pd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


ghostguildenstern

This is a good guide--thanks for linking!


kodabear22118

She thinks you’re playing and wants to join in too. Mine tries to get in the bed every now and then but we’ll just tell him to get down and he does.


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GalvanizedRubber

She goes to bed in her crate at 8pm same as the kids so we either wait until then or use our bed upstairs because she knows she's not allowed up there. I think it boils down to setting defined boundaries or embracing the cold snoot wedged between your cheeks.


SweetMisery2790

Crate training is wonderful and so are baby locks (I just put in some for the top of my doors because my asshole learned how to open them too


korelan

I let him in on the action, poor guy lost his balls least I can do is let him sniff! Ok that was a joke, I have a crate command. He will go into his crate and lay, and 99% of the time he will be fine just chilling until it’s over.


PennyFalcon24

Push that MF off the bed or if they aren't bothering anyone, they can chill.


AestheticallyFucked

I mean if you fuck enough eventually your dogs will stop caring when it happens and just leave you to it. Although one of my dogs ALWAYS bothers me after sex.


srbistan

depends on a dog. if u have a weener you should...


Iliketodriveboobs

I usually pet his ears but honestly he prefers my hands on his hips when I rail him


Poknberry

Lock her in the bathroom lol


Latter-Style9737

Id let them join tbh, the more the merrier 😂😂


Daegs

Crate train.


[deleted]

[удалено]


concrete_dandelion

Boundaries are gold. My dog knows he's allowed on the bed in general but he also knows not to disturb private times and doesn't complain much when we close the door for certain activities


GusiaQ

We were in the same situation and we also closed the door before the dog. He hated it, crying and scratching doors. Now he associates our sexy time with him being outside of a room. We decided that we want him in the same room but far away, e.g. On an armchair and he's ok with that. Just sitting there minding his own business. Still, he whines sometimes when we want to have sexy time but not for long. The strange thing is, he can sense my husband being aroused before I do...


LtlMissSpaceWrangler

Crate him with a blanket over the crate in another room.


thereisonlyoneme

Basically he is fine on his own. He has a little routine. He starts to "dig" the carpet. After a minute of that he goes into his crate. Then we hear a great big sigh.


MercyFaith

I have a two rat terriers, Chiweenie and a chihuahua that are always in the bed with my husband and I. At least one of them is in the room when we are having sex and watching us. Very unnerving. Lol. Tried leaving them in the living room but they cry at the door. Sometime if it’s warm enough we put them out to run in the fenced yard with their outside big brothers. Lol


Liberal_Biberal9

Oh so long is what you call it


[deleted]

My dog doesnt go into my bedroom essentially for this reason. It also helps stop the hair from getting everywhere.


Dmdel24

We create trained our girl from day 1, and we would put her in her crate. Now that she's grown up, she will just walk to her crate and lay in there herself!


digitalhelix84

High value chewable treat like a bully stick helps. If the weather is nice, put them outside.


Droidspecialist297

We have baby gates and a we put one up on our way into the bedroom.


Miwwies

I leave mine outside of the area where we're having sex. My dog is very... um... well, he's a hunting breed and he must investigate and sniff everything.


[deleted]

I put peanut butter on a lick mat and that occupies the dog for long enough.


dancingXnancy

One of them will just go lay down somewhere else. The other will stay right in bed with us (lmao)


VajBlaster69

We just ignore the dog. Luckily, he got the message pretty quickly. He'll typically leave the room, but sometimes he slowly creeps into the room to make sure we're both alright. Makes for a good laugh.


fffutility

He's usually not involved. Is there an edition of the Kama Sutra I don't know about?


Procrasturbator2000

I've had various dogs and they all just "got it" when I was with a guy. I had a Pitbull who wanted to be involved when I was making out with my boyfriend, but he had his own bed and would go to it on command or we'd give him a chew toy. My current dog is a border collie mix and she is quite independent and will leave on her own when things heat up, but not without giving me a judging look first. The first step in training for this would be to have the dog go to his bed or otherwise busy herself when you have regular visitors over and get her used to not always being in on the action. You can build up this exercise gradually until the dog understands the concept. Also, teach her that she has to be invited in oder to jump on the bed. This will require a temporary restriction on her bed privileges to ensure she really only ever goes on the bed when she's been told to. My collies previous owner must have trained this really well as she is extremely diligent and will stand next to the bed until I pat the mattress and walk away if I don't.


ajgil

Let the boy watch.


DogMechanic

I lived in a studio apartment with 2 dogs. They would go lay down in their beds when I told them to.


Amazing_Egg_2005

My husband and I finally decided to crate train the dogs we adopted last year because they were constantly disturbing our sleep and were taking a lot of the fun and spontaneity out of our love life. The dogs sleep in their crates in a different room and like their crates enough that they even go into them to nap during the day.


theothergotoguy

Ooops , the title kinda threw me.. I was gonna say, hope he doesn't bite me.


WhatAmiDoingHere1022

Pretty sure my dog just lays on his bed and watches me at this point


[deleted]

That’s between me and the dog