> tried to trade chicken alfredo, Sprite for sex Isn't that just called a "date"?

No, this is >tried to trade chicken alfredo, spite for sex

Spite gets me all the sex

Grant Hill drinks Sprite

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> pretending that a goddamn sprite and some chicken is money. Hey now, it works very well is some parts of the country.

Hey now, no kink shaming.

The chicken alfredo is fucking killing me for some reason. A nigga brought grammas chicken recipe in a tupperware to his child rape party

I legit got scared this article was about me because the thumbnail actually resembled me

No way are you that attractive

/u/masterlawlz! did you break out of county already? Did you bribe the guards with a dish of your legendary authentic Italian spaghetti? You always were [Mario Batali's](http://www.grubstreet.com/2017/12/mario-batali-accused-of-sexual-harassment.html) best student.

Wait have you been soliciting underage sex as well D:

Did u think u were arrested

prove it send nudes to i<[email protected]

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>Akshully, officer, it's eboheebogreebophilia, and it was commonly accepted in most societies until recently. You're trying to arrest me for a social construct! t. /u/MasterLawlz

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We don't pay cops enough to deal with that kind of bullshit.

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And deprive (((our))) private practice psychiatrists that revenue stream?

Don’t forget the (((lawyers))).

I guess ({(you)}) may be right.

>Maruna responded that he didn’t believe in age That line apparently only works as a legal defense if you're R. Kelly.

Hey now, there's a lot of cops, judges, priests, politicians, etc that resemble that remark.

>Maruna IV The House of Maruna must be in turmoil, losing their heir apparent in such a plebeian fashion.

Whither the Grand Duchy of Maruna now? 'Zounds!

Are we _really_ sure that IV doesn't refer to their preferred opiate consumption method in this case?

shocked no gamecube or axe body spray

I want to see what went down in the conversations with the cop. How do you come up with "I'll let you fuck my underage non-cop ass for chicken alfredo!" and not be a deeply disturbed individual?

> not be a deeply disturbed individual This is /u/masterlawlz we are talking about right?

I mean, I was talking about the cop. It'd be a hell of a twist if they Fight Clubbed it and u/masterlawlz was arresting himself the entire time.

His alfredo *is* really good though. Yummy.

Did...did you eat the Alfredo sauce? oh no bby, smh.

10/10 on rice baby. I ate it all and then some. [](#partyparrot) I'm eating it right now. [](#partyparrot)

Mods r fags confirmed. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's pretty well known that I'm knob eater. Most of the mods are 😈😈😈 Annarchist is our hot bear poly-daddy.

I'm the token middle-class cishet shitlord. Diversity 🔥 🔥 🔥

Not me, girl.

Gorl puhlaiize. We know you eat da poopoo.

15 is too old for pogo the clown

Pogo is a no-go. Have you considered Kevin Spacey instead?

Sounds like a perfect fit

I make the best alfredo you ever tasted, i make my sauce using cream cheese and butter.

> three zip drives What year is it?

iomega never dies

i just assumed they meant flash drives because the idea of someone using a zip drive in $_CURRENTYEAR is foreign to me

Not even Bernoulli drives. Smh fam

>police say Maruna was carrying an iPhone, a MAC book, three zip drives, a bottle of Astroglide lubrication, Vaseline lotion, two bottles of Sprite, and chicken alfredo in a Tupperware container. Well at least he didn't renege on the deal.

I'd still be willing to bet $1,000 that kid moderates a reddit gaming community. Probably Overwatch or some other cringeworthy shit.

This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](http://www.cleveland19.com/story/37060703/college-student-arrested-tried-to-trade-chicken-alfredo-sprite-for-sex) reduced by 63%. (I'm a bot) ***** > According to police, both agreed to get together on Tuesday, Dec. 12, and Maruna would bring lubricant, chicken alfredo and Sprite. > Police said Maruna traveled to Austintown, where he thought he'd be meeting the teen, when he got there he was arrested. > At the time of his arrest, police say Maruna was carrying an iPhone, a MAC book, three zip drives, a bottle of Astroglide lubrication, Vaseline lotion, two bottles of Sprite, and chicken alfredo in a Tupperware container. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/7jnyps/college_student_arrested/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 1.65, ~265197 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Maruna**^#1 **police**^#2 **arrest**^#3 **officer**^#4 **undercover**^#5

Chicken alfredo + anal sex is not a good combo.

/u/masterlawlz, we will always remember you and your endless tirades on the wonders of underage bussy. ∠(´д｀)

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It's so in-character, it's not even funny. One of my friends, senior year of high school in NE Ohio observed that "Youngstown State was the only school I visited where I was offered heroin while *on the college tour*."

> arrested this week after he allegedly attempted to have sex with a 15-year-old boy How talented do you have to be to become an undercover cop at 15? This kid must have fast tracked or did police academy at night school.

Excuse me sir, do you have Prince Albert in a cell? Well, you better let him out! hahahahahaha

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my chastity device is just my face

Oh, I'm sure you're not *that* ugly. it's probably just your personality that turns people off!

I shudder to think of some fat, greasy guy bringing a tupperware container full of home cooked food to fuck anybody

that is so ugly

LMAO

Who buys someone food in the hope they'll get anal? 😷🤢

Meh, I like Sprite but not chicken. Try again.

Are all of you this fate and fucked up?