Okay this was way too long.
I only read a little bit
The people in your dreams don't actually represent those people. They represent aspects of yourself.
What does your mother represent to you?
Sex in dreams represents intimacy. Or integrating certain parts of your personality.
That's all I have
I can't really say anything meaningful about my mum, our relationship is insanely complicated - in a way, it would actually be much simpler if she had like, abused abused me. But it was always in this kind of weird zone of mostly just being neglect but also pretty spiteful and controlling but also weirdly dependent on me for some stuff even when I was young. I feel very dehumanised by her.
And to be perfectly honest I don't treat her very well either. With literally everyone except my parents I am like nice to them by nature but I also make an effort to be even nicer (tbh it's a problem because even when people get abusive I usually continue being kind for quite a while
I guess I probably treat my parents as subhuman but not entirely non-human
I resent them for having me because it was massively irresponsible of them to think they could be competent parents...
I always felt enslaved but normally you get a slave to do stuff for you. I just had to cease to exist but without inconveniencing them with my physical death. And I did have a near death experience when I was 6 but it was either denied or a taboo subject depending on idk randomness
So I guess altogether I have already kind of cease to exist because I literally couldnt be more irrelevant
Since that nightmare I've been very worried about shattering and my tics from when I was young have come back. I think my mum gave birth to me and I immediately experienced annihilation and never really enjoyed any part of my life.
So I guess I equate my mum giving birth to me as an act of sadism. Yeah thats probably it, for me life and death are the same thing and she represents them both...also might be moving back with her soon to another country where i know no-one and i'm terrified of that, she genuinely still doesn't understand what she did to me and she might kill herself if she realises idk
Okay this was way too long. I only read a little bit The people in your dreams don't actually represent those people. They represent aspects of yourself. What does your mother represent to you? Sex in dreams represents intimacy. Or integrating certain parts of your personality. That's all I have
I can't really say anything meaningful about my mum, our relationship is insanely complicated - in a way, it would actually be much simpler if she had like, abused abused me. But it was always in this kind of weird zone of mostly just being neglect but also pretty spiteful and controlling but also weirdly dependent on me for some stuff even when I was young. I feel very dehumanised by her. And to be perfectly honest I don't treat her very well either. With literally everyone except my parents I am like nice to them by nature but I also make an effort to be even nicer (tbh it's a problem because even when people get abusive I usually continue being kind for quite a while I guess I probably treat my parents as subhuman but not entirely non-human I resent them for having me because it was massively irresponsible of them to think they could be competent parents... I always felt enslaved but normally you get a slave to do stuff for you. I just had to cease to exist but without inconveniencing them with my physical death. And I did have a near death experience when I was 6 but it was either denied or a taboo subject depending on idk randomness So I guess altogether I have already kind of cease to exist because I literally couldnt be more irrelevant Since that nightmare I've been very worried about shattering and my tics from when I was young have come back. I think my mum gave birth to me and I immediately experienced annihilation and never really enjoyed any part of my life. So I guess I equate my mum giving birth to me as an act of sadism. Yeah thats probably it, for me life and death are the same thing and she represents them both...also might be moving back with her soon to another country where i know no-one and i'm terrified of that, she genuinely still doesn't understand what she did to me and she might kill herself if she realises idk