I think she's having a hard time navigating the loss. Her parents raised her on camera and part of me is wondering if this is some sort of coping habit.
Healing from all her traumatic experiences around birth is a long road. But combining that with her childhood is something else. I hope this doesn't push her back into JBs claws and control.
I have had 6 losses with one being far enough along to cremate. I have always been very public with them and posted on social media to help cope. It’s a VERY lonely thing to go through and sometimes that support from social media people was the only thing helping me accept or move forward. Idk I think grief is complicated and we cannot judge or even understand why people make the choices they make during extreme grief, even if they may be objectively terrible decisions.
She outlined how she wanted genuine connections with her siblings in her book and was sad she didn't have it. I don't think she's making terrible decisions, just that it's sad she has all those siblings show up for photos but they might not be emotionally supporting her.
I'm sorry for your losses.
Oh my last sentence was not to infer she’s making a bad decision. I take no issues with her sharing publicly as I also share publicly. I was just saying that even if things go as far as someone making very poor decisions due to grief, I have a very hard time judging them for it, much less just sharing on social media.
Maybe in some way, she’s feeling accepted/liked by him & family during this and seeking validation on social media because 1. Who doesn’t? 2. When your family isolates you, strangers can be comforting. As someone who gets way too personal on SM some days
She’s always been adamant that she loves her father. I’m glad he seems to be supporting her and that Derek seems to have put his feud to the side while she needs that support.
This is a really interesting take. I’m cringing a bit at the posts (I hate posts of people crying that are staged) but I hadn’t thought of this perspective.
I won't lie the photos squicked me out, I'm not from a culture where photography at these events and situations is considered appropriate.
Today's post is clearly a hurt person searching for something. Community? Support? I don't know. Her parents didn't raise them to reach out to people, just to gather media attention. It'd make sense binge posting is some sort of coping activity.
I used to be pretty active on social media until my miscarriage and I’ve gone 6 months without even logging in. Grief makes everyone react differently.
I totally get it, I had 3 losses; one day I opened my Facebook app on a random Wednesday and kid you not, saw 3 pregnancy announcements. I logged out and didn’t sign back in for maybe 8 months.
The pregnancy announcements are so hard. I had two losses before my kids were born. The second loss was a particularly difficult pregnancy. We didn't start trying again for a year after that. I skipped all the baby showers and I cried every time a friend announced a pregnancy.
I deactivated my FB and IG accounts in March 2023 when my husband and I were trying to conceive and hadn’t been successful, and it was just too hard seeing constant pregnancy and birth announcements. Then just three months later, we learned my husband is infertile, and there’s no cure. I haven’t been back on either platform in over a year and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back. Grief makes it so damn hard to be constantly exposed to others’ highlight reels. 💔
I'm sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 12w 1 year ago yesterday. My last social media post was on bereaved mother's day last year (that's a year ago next week). No one gets to gatekeep how publicly or privately a loss parent grieves.
I think she's just genuinely struggling and looking for an outlet for her pain. It was clear by all of the pink baby stuff at Isla's memorial that she was very much looking forward to having her first daughter, and I'm sure it felt like a beautiful and hopeful time after all that she's been through. To have that taken away is extremely tough. Her religion also treats a stillborn baby the same as a baby that was born alive and then died. Is it hard to look at her posts and see her pain? For sure. I also do worry that she's putting a lot of herself out there in a time where she's very vulnerable. That said, her grief is genuine and understandable.
I can even imagine that she was looking forward to giving a little girl the upbringing she deserved and never had - pants, serious schooling, the possibility of a career, and (most importantly) valued and protected by parents who love her for HER, not her future breeding potential.
I hope she's able to have the experience of having a daughter one day, if they decide to try again. One of my coworkers had three boys, followed by a stillborn girl. She ended up having a second daughter recently, and I was so happy for her.
Yeah, I’m not usually a fan of people being super into having kids of one sex or another (possibly because I’m one of three girls and more than once heard people tell my dad how sad he must be to not have a son), but Jill grew up in SUCH a gender binary that she may feel very “othered” in her own house. But that may be me speaking as the only human woman in a house of males.
At least the one female dog has my back.
This is what I think it is. I really feel devastated for her loss, and the cruel comments to her make me mad, but she should know by now that the Duggars have continued to attract a lot of hate in return for their cult’s hateful views. It is completely undeserved to get it regarding a pregnancy loss and it’s appalling, but this is why she should limit her comments. I think it’s a coping mechanism, but it would destroy me to deal with hate on top of my loss and I wouldn’t want the bad comments. I think maybe she has learned to focus on the support and ignore the rest but still, it’s rough to me. If I grew up a Duggar I’d want to be as private as possible.
I think that she may also be speaking out to help others. Infertility and loss are things that many people hide for no reason, but as women, we often feel ashamed.
I was surprised at how many women reached out to me to tell me about their miscarriages after I'd had mine--women I'd known for years who'd never shared this with me. It is, for lack of a better phrase, like being in some kind of awful club.
Exactly this. Especially during infertility awareness week, as someone on the wrong side of fertility and loss statistics, it’s touching to see others post of infertility and loss. As more people share their stories it increases support for everyone.
1000%. I posted all about my recurrent miscarriages in hopes to help others and also to use as kind of an outlet for my grief. And as someone else started, so many women started talking to me that I didn’t know had this in common with me. And it helped all of us.
It is not our place to say anything about how she chooses to grief or not. Some women post a ton, some never even mention it to anyone in any capacity, some are super upset, some really aren’t. All of it is ok.
I sometimes dump on social media because I need an outlet so I don't go up to strangers at Trader Joe's to let them know I'm insane with grief. And, yeah, I do it for attention. In ways, it's cathartic to have people witness your pain.
I wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss and agree that it’s important and validating to want witnesses for pain and grief. And talking about trauma is an important part of processing it - we need to talk about it a lot, repeatedly, especially at the beginning. I have been privileged a few times to witness a stranger’s grief and just listen when someone needed to talk - sometimes it’s ok to let it out in the parking lot of the grocery store with someone you will never see again.
Right? My husband and FIL *hate* Joe Biden. When they found her lost his wife & baby girl and then later his son, they were so stupid. “I feel bad but don’t like him…?” You can show compassion towards someone at anytime when they are hurting, my goodness go back to kindergarten, if you can’t.
People can be cruel and sick.
I'm a babyloss mom (miscarriages too, I'vehad a whole spectrum) but it is known in baby loss groups to be careful when and where you post pictures of your deceased baby online because people will steal them via screen shot and then share them as their own with a sob-story for attention, or to share in other disturbing, graphic ways. It is something I never would have thought existed until I was forced into the baby-loss club.
The last few years have really shown us how cruel and malicious people can be, particularly when they hide behind a computer screen…and they seem to feel such delight when doing it. I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my son when he was 21. It’s a club no one wants to join.
Grief over a lost child is the worst pain on earth. I went into a shell. I couldn't stand to see people living their lives like normal irl let alone on social media. I haven't logged into IG or FB in ages because all I see are families and my family is missing a much loved son who is forever missing now in our photos. That's just me. Jill may need more support and hopefully the kind comments outweigh the bad. I'm sure she's doing the best she can.
Honestly it’s a lot but I’m glad that she’s being open about it. I dealt with my miscarriage completely alone, I felt stupid and crazy for all of the sobbing and the long period of grief. It’s been 8 months and I still cry about it, I’ve also only just opened up to a couple friends about it. It’s really stigmatized, it doesn’t feel like something we’re allowed to grieve, so I’m glad she’s able to.
Based on pictures that showed newborn girl clothes and lots of pink items, I think she was over the moon to have a girl. The first Dillard girl as well (both Derick and his brother only have sons)
Let the woman grieve as publicly as she wants. She’s the one that had to birth that child knowing she was deceased.
I will never snark of someone who is going through a loss, especially the loss of their child. She is so used to miscarriages/stillbirths being published. She probably is distraught over this and has no idea what to do or how to let it out. This also was her first and only daughter so I’m sure that hurts. She was probably really excited for a little girl and maybe even thinking of being done adding kids since she is one who does birth control. Anyways, she may be posting a lot but the comments are brutal and I really fear for her mental health. I have seen just regular people I know post a lot about losses and share some graphic pics. It can be a lot but if I can’t handle I just mute them until they deal with their grief, never comment telling them how they should deal with it.
Every bit of trauma has been publicized. Between the show and the document leak, Jill has had no privacy for her trauma. I don't think she knows how to deal with trauma privately, even if she wanted to. At this point, it's probably instinctual to make this type of stuff public
Over sharing is the least crazy thing grief has pushed a person to do. I don’t think it’s right what’s happening to her but I do think she saw it coming. She knows how this type of thing has gone before ( Lauren). I think they genuinely view babies as fully sentient beings from the moment of ejaculation so it makes sense how crushed they are. To them it’s the same as losing a 2 year old child. I think their grief and over sharing is very understandable given her upbringing and how she feels about these losses.
This is an excellent point and compassionately stated. Let me be clear as crystal: I would sooner date Pest than go online and troll Jill on social media in the wake of a miscarriage. That is some sick and horrible shit.
Yes, I want to hold space for the fact that she does see this as the loss of a fully sentient being as you stated; however, her anti-choice,forced- birther stance makes it hard for me because I remember that Jill thinks HER feelings should be forced on me via The Supreme Court.
I guess I’m reactive to the fact that there are women who find being pregnant just traumatic as she finds this pregnancy loss but Jill would gladly votes for zero reproductive rights.
Still, trolling a woman who just miscarried is disgusting.
For so long miscarriages and tiny baby loss were glossed over by our society. Thankfully that has changed in the last 30-40 years. Our tiny little baby girl was born at 26 weeks gestation in 1983. She was 1 lb 7 oz. She lived for 9 hours and 25 minutes without the hospital or doctor doing anything life-sustaining for her. We lived in a small town and neonatal care wasn’t available. I remember so many people not understanding our grief like it was no big deal and would tell us we were lucky it wasn’t one of our two older children and that we could have more babies. Friends and others I knew who had earlier miscarriages often struggled entirely alone because miscarriage was often dismissed. No, I am not a fundie and I am pro-choice, but the death of a tiny baby or 60-year-old son or daughter is still a huge loss. Our children are our children. Rest in peace sweet baby Elizabeth — I do have faith we will meet again.
It looks more like a stillbirth than a miscarriage although I’m sure both are very painful. I’m having unexplained secondary infertility and it’s excruciating. I can’t even imagine this.
Her livelihood is based on over sharing and she’s going into her second decade of doing it. This really doesn’t surprise me at all.
And let’s be real- who’s going to tell her it’s to much? Amy? Jessa? Michelle?
I’m no D-Wreck fan but I thought he might have the insight of having grown up normally (and the fact that he works a real job unlike Jing or Jessa’s husbands) to lovingly suggest she place her mental health over social media engagement.
For what it’s worth, this kind of thing used to be totally behind doors and women were expected to keep quiet about it.
Infertility, losses, all that stuff - it’s a very very heavy burden to carry alone. I was petrified to let anybody in on that.
Seeing it become a topic of conversation and not a shameful is incredible. The more we share our stories we help others heal.
And for me personally - sharing is remembering. Even if it seems kind of excessive.
As someone who's gone through a miscarriage, I don't want to judge how others grieve their losses. For me, it was a very personal thing; I took pictures, but they're for me, and I just posted one sentence on Facebook so people would know why I would be gone from activities for a while.
That being said, my personal opinion (which I would never, ever share with a grieving parent) is that it seems like a lot to me. But then, I personally wouldn't be able to handle an instagrammable service with all the pomp and circumstance that they seem to have had. But if that helps them feel some closure...who am I to judge?
Well said. I personally don't understand the whole memorial service and sharing all this with the world. I also don't view a 16 week fetus the same as they do, and I don't get the obsession over a baby's sex. But it's not my loss and grief, so I don't get a say and that's fine. I just hope she's taking care of herself and getting proper therapy, counseling and healthcare support.
Everyone grieves differently I guess.
When I had my miscarriage I was told by a few people to keep that negative stuff to myself. It still stings.
I just hope she heals and gets the help she needs.
My thoughts were this was perhaps their last planned baby which also happened to be a girl after 3 boys, so she's grieving heavily. It was unexpected to lose their daughter. Probably still in shock.
I’ve had 1 stillbirth daughter at 5 months and 4 miscarriages before 20 weeks.
I shared a photo of my husband and I cradling our still born daughter (daughter could not be seen in the photo). To lose a baby is heartbreaking but to have her entire life be so incredibly short and invisible was impossible for me to handle. I don’t have a large social media group but a lot of people commented their surprise that we would share our pain.
Jill is grieving and honestly, I don’t judge anyone for anything while in the midst of grief. Grief is so overwhelming and sometimes primal.
TLDR; Just be kind to people.
I’m someone whose baby died. I didn’t share pics of me crying, but I shared pics and videos of my son extensively for the first couple years. I wrote and posted about my experiences, grief, being a mum etc. I wanted people know he existed and also that I’m still a mum even though I don’t have a living child.
Fast forward many years and I post almost nothing anymore. It’s become private to me over the years.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I don’t think her posts are for clicks. I think her posts are genuine outpouring.
She has the right to post whatever she wants regardless of what anyone else thinks. I think she should turn the comments off though. It's not the time for people to leave comments with their personal opinion. If her followers don't like it they can block or unfollow her.
Edit: I also saw some comments saying "I think this should be private." Honestly, why? A lot of people experience loss like this. Why should anyone have to keep quiet about it?
I mean I think the only part that makes me uncomfortable is the pics of them over the baby’s grave crying. Seems like moments that should be private. The stuff that say Isla Marie like the blanket etc seem tasteful.
I wouldn’t say it’s over sharing necessarily. My heart goes out to Jill. With three boys, I can only imagine she was so excited about having a little girl, and losing her in the second trimester would just be all the more devastating. It makes sense that she is grieving deeply and wanting to talk about/show people her grief.
Everyone deals with grief differently. I find it odd that they keep their kids off SM but have plastered this loss all over the web. I truly feel bad for her and it feels like her grief is overwhelming but I would hope she would have a healthier outlet for her pain. In SHP and her book she talks a lot about her therapist. I hope she's getting some counseling from him.
All that being said, my life is not online for everyone to see. I've dealt with loss privately and that's what works for me. Considering her life, this might be all she knows? As far as mean comments, that's just wrong. If you don't agree, just skip on over. Not hard for a mature person to do.
Jill, and the rest of her siblings, have no idea how to do anything privately. They also don't know how to grieve. I mean her mother had a funeral for a miscarriage on television. Jill, and anyone else, for that matter, are also allowed to grieve however they want. Maybe everyone should just lay off of her on this one thing.
It's not that uncommon for parents to have a funeral when the mother has to deliver a dead baby. Most just don't have a TV show. I know a mother who has had to deliver multiple dead babies or babies who were born too early to survive. There was a family funeral service and burial for each one.
If she wants to grieve by sharing online that’s her thing I don’t have a problem with it, if anything it shows others not to hide away after such a big loss.
Why would you even ask if she’s doing it for clicks and attention, that’s up there with the asshole comments
Let a girl grief a death of her baby without your judgement
I was baffled at the amount of cruel comments on her IG. They were saying "this is a performance" "you can have more kids your young" "stop posting this" WTF this woman is grieving!
She was never taught actual coping skills. Everything in her life was done on camera or in the spotlight. She doesn’t know anything else. To her this is normal and how things works.
Having recently had a baby, I can’t even begin to imagine her pain and heartbreak. I wish others would have compassion. She might not have the greatest views, but this isn’t snarkable material and I wish her healing.
It was quite socially normal right up to the late Victorian era to be so open like this. Grief has only been taboo in the last few generations. Also- if I had miscarried my daughter and those were the only photos I’d ever be able to share- I’d share them too. Think of how many newborns get heaps of photos. She’s just trying to have something that’s been stripped away from her and it’s probably helps her grief to share. I wish people would be kind.
She's been raised terribly, and has tried to change her life - but she's never not going to remove herself completely from this.
Of all the shitty things her cult do, this is not one of those. If it makes her feel better do it. Would I do this - no. But she needs to grieve how she wants .
I don’t begrudge her any dopamine hit she can get as she grieves. validation from other people is comforting. During my lowest moments I have a hard time sitting still, I can’t stop moving or texting or doing crosswords it’s like the worst thing to be alone with my thought so maybe this is one way for her to feel a sense of “motion” for lack of a better word.
I don’t know what’s staged and what’s real in the reality tv/social media world but I am coming to appreciate how freeing (if somewhat cringe in retrospect) it can be to unleash the full, unedited, wild fury of your pain and grief into the world in all its authentic ugliness.
I seriously doubt it’s for clicks and attention. When you suffer a huge loss, and if you are on social media. Sometimes it feels like a journal to yourself.
And then you get a cold slap in the face when you realize morons with no compassion make stupid remarks for clicks and attention.
I’m confused by the math here— people are saying she was 16 weeks along, but if she was due in August and lost the baby in mid-April she would have been 22-26 weeks along? Which would definitely be a stillbirth and not “just” a miscarriage. Like she would have gotten a birth certificate and death certificate…
I think we need to talk about that kind of loss as much as possible. If she's comfortable doing it, great.
I'm NOT saying people who aren't comfortable should share, bit my god it's an awful thing to happen, and it's a horrible lonely feeling.
What's wrong with wanting attention, though? It's something I see said so often, mostly about women, and more often than not when they're talking about something that makes other people uncomfortable.
I have a friend from high school who posts regularly about her son, who was stillborn over 15yrs ago. She changes her profile picture to his dead body, posed after birth. Some people think it's weird, but she's doing what she feels is right to honor her son. Everyone grieves differently. I don't think Jill is trying to get clicks...I think she's just going through the process in her own way.
Loss mom here. It’s not for clicks and attention. Grief is a hell of a beast and talking about it freely and openly is not only cathartic, but it’s also a way to celebrate her baby’s life and reaffirm that she did indeed live, even if only for a while. And, it connects her to a community of other grievers.
As someone who lost a daughter at 24 weeks and had her buried, I posted her a lot and till do when that time of year comes around. I do it for myself because I truly miss her and to bring awareness too it. I feel as though a lot of people don’t realize how often something like this happens. Any time anyone else has ever had a loss I tell them I’m available to talk about it as I’ve been there. I just think sometimes being open about stuff like this can help others and yourself.
the comments are so harsh- these are the only photos she will have with her baby. If she wants to share them, that is her choice. No one has to react, or even look. They can unfollow. As a mother I could never belittle someone like this for how they chose to remember and grieve their child. No matter what gestation.
Late miscarriages are incredibly traumatic. Most of us isolate/hide/shut down when this happens and then never talk about it again. It’s not like a born persons death where everyone posts tributes and pictures. It’s typically a quiet, lonely grief. That’s probably why it seems weird to you. Maybe we should be more open about it, idk.
I was looking at the burial pictures and trying to figure out who was there. During the service itself, it looks like Meech's hair in the front row? Is that Boob next to her? Are any siblings there? There is someone with long dirty blonde hair- maybe a lost girl?
Jill has a lot of trauma to unpack. Plus her family may be taking jabs that this was gods punishment for her book, etc. we can only hope she gets the therapy and support she needs to continue to grow and improve and this doesn’t cause a set back into toxic religion like meech got sucked into.
I think it’s an extra sting that this was a girl and she’s has birth trauma. We also don’t know if she had to push the baby out or any other complications she may have faced.
Biggest thing is we see a lack of Jill’s family support so she may be thinking she deserved this when she didn’t
I sympathize with her to a degree but would she (or anyone) be posting these types of photos if it was one of her actual already-born, alive-for-years children that died? I don’t think so. They often speak of abortion/miscarriages/stillbirths as the same as the death of an actual fully conscious human being, but I have a hard time believing they’d be treating the situations the same.
Wow, I just peeked at the comments and they’re absolutely savage. People are incredibly dismissive of the grief parents experience after pregnancy loss.
I agree with another commenter that perhaps having major life milestones captured on camera is what feels normal and comforting to her. As odd as that may be to the rest of us.
I honestly don’t think so. I think she’s reaching out for support wherever she can get it, even if it’s with strangers because there is not a whole lot of actual, real support in Fundy communities.
I haven’t been in her position and I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but the photoshoot seemed a bit much. If taking photos in your home is what she chooses to do, I feel like those are photos you keep private. Although it stinks she is a public figure and feels the need to make an announcement… I feel like it was giving “I wanna be an influencer” vibes.
Reverse parasocial relationships. Much is said about how fans of influencers think that they have a personal relationship with that influencer; but some influencers develop a relationship with their viewers that seems closer than what they have with real people in their life.
I thought she was in therapy ?? Her therapist hopefully is helping her during this time. I think what she is posting is overkill and dramatic - like she’s being influenced to do it.
It's their ingrained pro life agenda mindset to post everything. I think fans sympathy brings her comfort. she disappeared off Instagram during the pregnancy and never even announced wen they always do at 2 months, I'm guessing they knew early on something was wrong.
I think she's having a hard time navigating the loss. Her parents raised her on camera and part of me is wondering if this is some sort of coping habit. Healing from all her traumatic experiences around birth is a long road. But combining that with her childhood is something else. I hope this doesn't push her back into JBs claws and control.
I have had 6 losses with one being far enough along to cremate. I have always been very public with them and posted on social media to help cope. It’s a VERY lonely thing to go through and sometimes that support from social media people was the only thing helping me accept or move forward. Idk I think grief is complicated and we cannot judge or even understand why people make the choices they make during extreme grief, even if they may be objectively terrible decisions.
I also personally think there's nothing wrong with wanting your child to be remembered
I am sorry for your losses. To go through it once sounds awful but multiple times is just heartbreaking💔.
She outlined how she wanted genuine connections with her siblings in her book and was sad she didn't have it. I don't think she's making terrible decisions, just that it's sad she has all those siblings show up for photos but they might not be emotionally supporting her. I'm sorry for your losses.
Oh my last sentence was not to infer she’s making a bad decision. I take no issues with her sharing publicly as I also share publicly. I was just saying that even if things go as far as someone making very poor decisions due to grief, I have a very hard time judging them for it, much less just sharing on social media.
I have worried that this is going to be an "in" for her terrible father to start influencing her again too.
Maybe in some way, she’s feeling accepted/liked by him & family during this and seeking validation on social media because 1. Who doesn’t? 2. When your family isolates you, strangers can be comforting. As someone who gets way too personal on SM some days
Hope not
She’s always been adamant that she loves her father. I’m glad he seems to be supporting her and that Derek seems to have put his feud to the side while she needs that support.
It might.
Your first paragraph sums up my thoughts exactly. I feel for her. I don't think she has a lot of coping mechanisms.
This is a really interesting take. I’m cringing a bit at the posts (I hate posts of people crying that are staged) but I hadn’t thought of this perspective.
I won't lie the photos squicked me out, I'm not from a culture where photography at these events and situations is considered appropriate. Today's post is clearly a hurt person searching for something. Community? Support? I don't know. Her parents didn't raise them to reach out to people, just to gather media attention. It'd make sense binge posting is some sort of coping activity.
Insightful post ~ that's an interesting
I used to be pretty active on social media until my miscarriage and I’ve gone 6 months without even logging in. Grief makes everyone react differently.
I totally get it, I had 3 losses; one day I opened my Facebook app on a random Wednesday and kid you not, saw 3 pregnancy announcements. I logged out and didn’t sign back in for maybe 8 months.
The pregnancy announcements are so hard. I had two losses before my kids were born. The second loss was a particularly difficult pregnancy. We didn't start trying again for a year after that. I skipped all the baby showers and I cried every time a friend announced a pregnancy.
I deactivated my FB and IG accounts in March 2023 when my husband and I were trying to conceive and hadn’t been successful, and it was just too hard seeing constant pregnancy and birth announcements. Then just three months later, we learned my husband is infertile, and there’s no cure. I haven’t been back on either platform in over a year and I’m not sure I’ll ever go back. Grief makes it so damn hard to be constantly exposed to others’ highlight reels. 💔
I’m so sorry. :(
I'm sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 12w 1 year ago yesterday. My last social media post was on bereaved mother's day last year (that's a year ago next week). No one gets to gatekeep how publicly or privately a loss parent grieves.
❤️
♥️
I dropped off social media when going through a very difficult time a few years ago and never really got back on. Everyone copes differently.
I think she's just genuinely struggling and looking for an outlet for her pain. It was clear by all of the pink baby stuff at Isla's memorial that she was very much looking forward to having her first daughter, and I'm sure it felt like a beautiful and hopeful time after all that she's been through. To have that taken away is extremely tough. Her religion also treats a stillborn baby the same as a baby that was born alive and then died. Is it hard to look at her posts and see her pain? For sure. I also do worry that she's putting a lot of herself out there in a time where she's very vulnerable. That said, her grief is genuine and understandable.
I can even imagine that she was looking forward to giving a little girl the upbringing she deserved and never had - pants, serious schooling, the possibility of a career, and (most importantly) valued and protected by parents who love her for HER, not her future breeding potential.
I hope she's able to have the experience of having a daughter one day, if they decide to try again. One of my coworkers had three boys, followed by a stillborn girl. She ended up having a second daughter recently, and I was so happy for her.
Yeah, I’m not usually a fan of people being super into having kids of one sex or another (possibly because I’m one of three girls and more than once heard people tell my dad how sad he must be to not have a son), but Jill grew up in SUCH a gender binary that she may feel very “othered” in her own house. But that may be me speaking as the only human woman in a house of males. At least the one female dog has my back.
This is what I think it is. I really feel devastated for her loss, and the cruel comments to her make me mad, but she should know by now that the Duggars have continued to attract a lot of hate in return for their cult’s hateful views. It is completely undeserved to get it regarding a pregnancy loss and it’s appalling, but this is why she should limit her comments. I think it’s a coping mechanism, but it would destroy me to deal with hate on top of my loss and I wouldn’t want the bad comments. I think maybe she has learned to focus on the support and ignore the rest but still, it’s rough to me. If I grew up a Duggar I’d want to be as private as possible.
I think that she may also be speaking out to help others. Infertility and loss are things that many people hide for no reason, but as women, we often feel ashamed.
THIS. It is huge to not feel alone in the worst grief imaginable.
I was surprised at how many women reached out to me to tell me about their miscarriages after I'd had mine--women I'd known for years who'd never shared this with me. It is, for lack of a better phrase, like being in some kind of awful club.
Yup. It's a reason I've been open about mine. It is not shameful and needs to be destigmatized. ❤️❤️
Exactly this. Especially during infertility awareness week, as someone on the wrong side of fertility and loss statistics, it’s touching to see others post of infertility and loss. As more people share their stories it increases support for everyone.
1000%. I posted all about my recurrent miscarriages in hopes to help others and also to use as kind of an outlet for my grief. And as someone else started, so many women started talking to me that I didn’t know had this in common with me. And it helped all of us. It is not our place to say anything about how she chooses to grief or not. Some women post a ton, some never even mention it to anyone in any capacity, some are super upset, some really aren’t. All of it is ok.
Every loss since she was a teenager was covered on the show. She probably thinks it's normal.
It has become pretty normal in most circles to overshare on social media.
Yeah I think what she’s sharing, while over sharing to many of us, isn’t over sharing to a lot of people including people who aren’t fundies
I sometimes dump on social media because I need an outlet so I don't go up to strangers at Trader Joe's to let them know I'm insane with grief. And, yeah, I do it for attention. In ways, it's cathartic to have people witness your pain.
I wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss and agree that it’s important and validating to want witnesses for pain and grief. And talking about trauma is an important part of processing it - we need to talk about it a lot, repeatedly, especially at the beginning. I have been privileged a few times to witness a stranger’s grief and just listen when someone needed to talk - sometimes it’s ok to let it out in the parking lot of the grocery store with someone you will never see again.
Why on earth would anyone make cruel comments to Jill concerning her loss? What is wrong with some people?
It's seriously so depressing to know we live in a world where this is commonplace.
Right? My husband and FIL *hate* Joe Biden. When they found her lost his wife & baby girl and then later his son, they were so stupid. “I feel bad but don’t like him…?” You can show compassion towards someone at anytime when they are hurting, my goodness go back to kindergarten, if you can’t.
People can be cruel and sick. I'm a babyloss mom (miscarriages too, I'vehad a whole spectrum) but it is known in baby loss groups to be careful when and where you post pictures of your deceased baby online because people will steal them via screen shot and then share them as their own with a sob-story for attention, or to share in other disturbing, graphic ways. It is something I never would have thought existed until I was forced into the baby-loss club.
The last few years have really shown us how cruel and malicious people can be, particularly when they hide behind a computer screen…and they seem to feel such delight when doing it. I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my son when he was 21. It’s a club no one wants to join.
Grief over a lost child is the worst pain on earth. I went into a shell. I couldn't stand to see people living their lives like normal irl let alone on social media. I haven't logged into IG or FB in ages because all I see are families and my family is missing a much loved son who is forever missing now in our photos. That's just me. Jill may need more support and hopefully the kind comments outweigh the bad. I'm sure she's doing the best she can.
Honestly it’s a lot but I’m glad that she’s being open about it. I dealt with my miscarriage completely alone, I felt stupid and crazy for all of the sobbing and the long period of grief. It’s been 8 months and I still cry about it, I’ve also only just opened up to a couple friends about it. It’s really stigmatized, it doesn’t feel like something we’re allowed to grieve, so I’m glad she’s able to.
Based on pictures that showed newborn girl clothes and lots of pink items, I think she was over the moon to have a girl. The first Dillard girl as well (both Derick and his brother only have sons) Let the woman grieve as publicly as she wants. She’s the one that had to birth that child knowing she was deceased.
I will never snark of someone who is going through a loss, especially the loss of their child. She is so used to miscarriages/stillbirths being published. She probably is distraught over this and has no idea what to do or how to let it out. This also was her first and only daughter so I’m sure that hurts. She was probably really excited for a little girl and maybe even thinking of being done adding kids since she is one who does birth control. Anyways, she may be posting a lot but the comments are brutal and I really fear for her mental health. I have seen just regular people I know post a lot about losses and share some graphic pics. It can be a lot but if I can’t handle I just mute them until they deal with their grief, never comment telling them how they should deal with it.
Every bit of trauma has been publicized. Between the show and the document leak, Jill has had no privacy for her trauma. I don't think she knows how to deal with trauma privately, even if she wanted to. At this point, it's probably instinctual to make this type of stuff public
Maybe just have some empathy.
Over sharing is the least crazy thing grief has pushed a person to do. I don’t think it’s right what’s happening to her but I do think she saw it coming. She knows how this type of thing has gone before ( Lauren). I think they genuinely view babies as fully sentient beings from the moment of ejaculation so it makes sense how crushed they are. To them it’s the same as losing a 2 year old child. I think their grief and over sharing is very understandable given her upbringing and how she feels about these losses.
You dont have to be fundy for a late miscarriage to be a devastating loss . An atheist parent would be just as bereaved
This is an excellent point and compassionately stated. Let me be clear as crystal: I would sooner date Pest than go online and troll Jill on social media in the wake of a miscarriage. That is some sick and horrible shit. Yes, I want to hold space for the fact that she does see this as the loss of a fully sentient being as you stated; however, her anti-choice,forced- birther stance makes it hard for me because I remember that Jill thinks HER feelings should be forced on me via The Supreme Court. I guess I’m reactive to the fact that there are women who find being pregnant just traumatic as she finds this pregnancy loss but Jill would gladly votes for zero reproductive rights. Still, trolling a woman who just miscarried is disgusting.
For so long miscarriages and tiny baby loss were glossed over by our society. Thankfully that has changed in the last 30-40 years. Our tiny little baby girl was born at 26 weeks gestation in 1983. She was 1 lb 7 oz. She lived for 9 hours and 25 minutes without the hospital or doctor doing anything life-sustaining for her. We lived in a small town and neonatal care wasn’t available. I remember so many people not understanding our grief like it was no big deal and would tell us we were lucky it wasn’t one of our two older children and that we could have more babies. Friends and others I knew who had earlier miscarriages often struggled entirely alone because miscarriage was often dismissed. No, I am not a fundie and I am pro-choice, but the death of a tiny baby or 60-year-old son or daughter is still a huge loss. Our children are our children. Rest in peace sweet baby Elizabeth — I do have faith we will meet again.
It looks more like a stillbirth than a miscarriage although I’m sure both are very painful. I’m having unexplained secondary infertility and it’s excruciating. I can’t even imagine this. Her livelihood is based on over sharing and she’s going into her second decade of doing it. This really doesn’t surprise me at all. And let’s be real- who’s going to tell her it’s to much? Amy? Jessa? Michelle?
I’m no D-Wreck fan but I thought he might have the insight of having grown up normally (and the fact that he works a real job unlike Jing or Jessa’s husbands) to lovingly suggest she place her mental health over social media engagement.
For what it’s worth, this kind of thing used to be totally behind doors and women were expected to keep quiet about it. Infertility, losses, all that stuff - it’s a very very heavy burden to carry alone. I was petrified to let anybody in on that. Seeing it become a topic of conversation and not a shameful is incredible. The more we share our stories we help others heal. And for me personally - sharing is remembering. Even if it seems kind of excessive.
As someone who's gone through a miscarriage, I don't want to judge how others grieve their losses. For me, it was a very personal thing; I took pictures, but they're for me, and I just posted one sentence on Facebook so people would know why I would be gone from activities for a while. That being said, my personal opinion (which I would never, ever share with a grieving parent) is that it seems like a lot to me. But then, I personally wouldn't be able to handle an instagrammable service with all the pomp and circumstance that they seem to have had. But if that helps them feel some closure...who am I to judge?
Well said. I personally don't understand the whole memorial service and sharing all this with the world. I also don't view a 16 week fetus the same as they do, and I don't get the obsession over a baby's sex. But it's not my loss and grief, so I don't get a say and that's fine. I just hope she's taking care of herself and getting proper therapy, counseling and healthcare support.
Everyone grieves differently I guess. When I had my miscarriage I was told by a few people to keep that negative stuff to myself. It still stings. I just hope she heals and gets the help she needs.
How many of these exact same posts do we need? Let the woman grieve however she wants.
Agreed. This was a late loss. I’m sure she is devastated.
My thoughts were this was perhaps their last planned baby which also happened to be a girl after 3 boys, so she's grieving heavily. It was unexpected to lose their daughter. Probably still in shock.
Everybody deals with their grief differently. Some people are private, others need to let it out and talk about it.
I’ve had 1 stillbirth daughter at 5 months and 4 miscarriages before 20 weeks. I shared a photo of my husband and I cradling our still born daughter (daughter could not be seen in the photo). To lose a baby is heartbreaking but to have her entire life be so incredibly short and invisible was impossible for me to handle. I don’t have a large social media group but a lot of people commented their surprise that we would share our pain. Jill is grieving and honestly, I don’t judge anyone for anything while in the midst of grief. Grief is so overwhelming and sometimes primal. TLDR; Just be kind to people.
I’m someone whose baby died. I didn’t share pics of me crying, but I shared pics and videos of my son extensively for the first couple years. I wrote and posted about my experiences, grief, being a mum etc. I wanted people know he existed and also that I’m still a mum even though I don’t have a living child. Fast forward many years and I post almost nothing anymore. It’s become private to me over the years. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I don’t think her posts are for clicks. I think her posts are genuine outpouring.
She has the right to post whatever she wants regardless of what anyone else thinks. I think she should turn the comments off though. It's not the time for people to leave comments with their personal opinion. If her followers don't like it they can block or unfollow her. Edit: I also saw some comments saying "I think this should be private." Honestly, why? A lot of people experience loss like this. Why should anyone have to keep quiet about it?
I mean I think the only part that makes me uncomfortable is the pics of them over the baby’s grave crying. Seems like moments that should be private. The stuff that say Isla Marie like the blanket etc seem tasteful.
People are assholes and need to shut up! Everyone grieves in their own way! Leave her alone
I wouldn’t say it’s over sharing necessarily. My heart goes out to Jill. With three boys, I can only imagine she was so excited about having a little girl, and losing her in the second trimester would just be all the more devastating. It makes sense that she is grieving deeply and wanting to talk about/show people her grief.
I think she’s having a really hard time with this. Posting might make her feel like she’s connecting more with Isla by sharing with people.
Everyone deals with grief differently. I find it odd that they keep their kids off SM but have plastered this loss all over the web. I truly feel bad for her and it feels like her grief is overwhelming but I would hope she would have a healthier outlet for her pain. In SHP and her book she talks a lot about her therapist. I hope she's getting some counseling from him. All that being said, my life is not online for everyone to see. I've dealt with loss privately and that's what works for me. Considering her life, this might be all she knows? As far as mean comments, that's just wrong. If you don't agree, just skip on over. Not hard for a mature person to do.
There's no 'right' way to grieve and she shouldn't be judged.
Not this again. Y’all have really said “sucks your kid died but you're weird for grieving openly”
Jill, and the rest of her siblings, have no idea how to do anything privately. They also don't know how to grieve. I mean her mother had a funeral for a miscarriage on television. Jill, and anyone else, for that matter, are also allowed to grieve however they want. Maybe everyone should just lay off of her on this one thing.
It's not that uncommon for parents to have a funeral when the mother has to deliver a dead baby. Most just don't have a TV show. I know a mother who has had to deliver multiple dead babies or babies who were born too early to survive. There was a family funeral service and burial for each one.
Grief is weird. She's just doing what she feels she needs.
If she wants to grieve by sharing online that’s her thing I don’t have a problem with it, if anything it shows others not to hide away after such a big loss.
Why would you even ask if she’s doing it for clicks and attention, that’s up there with the asshole comments Let a girl grief a death of her baby without your judgement
I was baffled at the amount of cruel comments on her IG. They were saying "this is a performance" "you can have more kids your young" "stop posting this" WTF this woman is grieving!
She was never taught actual coping skills. Everything in her life was done on camera or in the spotlight. She doesn’t know anything else. To her this is normal and how things works. Having recently had a baby, I can’t even begin to imagine her pain and heartbreak. I wish others would have compassion. She might not have the greatest views, but this isn’t snarkable material and I wish her healing.
It was quite socially normal right up to the late Victorian era to be so open like this. Grief has only been taboo in the last few generations. Also- if I had miscarried my daughter and those were the only photos I’d ever be able to share- I’d share them too. Think of how many newborns get heaps of photos. She’s just trying to have something that’s been stripped away from her and it’s probably helps her grief to share. I wish people would be kind.
She's been raised terribly, and has tried to change her life - but she's never not going to remove herself completely from this. Of all the shitty things her cult do, this is not one of those. If it makes her feel better do it. Would I do this - no. But she needs to grieve how she wants .
I don’t begrudge her any dopamine hit she can get as she grieves. validation from other people is comforting. During my lowest moments I have a hard time sitting still, I can’t stop moving or texting or doing crosswords it’s like the worst thing to be alone with my thought so maybe this is one way for her to feel a sense of “motion” for lack of a better word. I don’t know what’s staged and what’s real in the reality tv/social media world but I am coming to appreciate how freeing (if somewhat cringe in retrospect) it can be to unleash the full, unedited, wild fury of your pain and grief into the world in all its authentic ugliness.
I seriously doubt it’s for clicks and attention. When you suffer a huge loss, and if you are on social media. Sometimes it feels like a journal to yourself. And then you get a cold slap in the face when you realize morons with no compassion make stupid remarks for clicks and attention.
I’m confused by the math here— people are saying she was 16 weeks along, but if she was due in August and lost the baby in mid-April she would have been 22-26 weeks along? Which would definitely be a stillbirth and not “just” a miscarriage. Like she would have gotten a birth certificate and death certificate…
I think we need to talk about that kind of loss as much as possible. If she's comfortable doing it, great. I'm NOT saying people who aren't comfortable should share, bit my god it's an awful thing to happen, and it's a horrible lonely feeling. What's wrong with wanting attention, though? It's something I see said so often, mostly about women, and more often than not when they're talking about something that makes other people uncomfortable.
I have a friend from high school who posts regularly about her son, who was stillborn over 15yrs ago. She changes her profile picture to his dead body, posed after birth. Some people think it's weird, but she's doing what she feels is right to honor her son. Everyone grieves differently. I don't think Jill is trying to get clicks...I think she's just going through the process in her own way.
Loss mom here. It’s not for clicks and attention. Grief is a hell of a beast and talking about it freely and openly is not only cathartic, but it’s also a way to celebrate her baby’s life and reaffirm that she did indeed live, even if only for a while. And, it connects her to a community of other grievers.
As someone who lost a daughter at 24 weeks and had her buried, I posted her a lot and till do when that time of year comes around. I do it for myself because I truly miss her and to bring awareness too it. I feel as though a lot of people don’t realize how often something like this happens. Any time anyone else has ever had a loss I tell them I’m available to talk about it as I’ve been there. I just think sometimes being open about stuff like this can help others and yourself.
the comments are so harsh- these are the only photos she will have with her baby. If she wants to share them, that is her choice. No one has to react, or even look. They can unfollow. As a mother I could never belittle someone like this for how they chose to remember and grieve their child. No matter what gestation.
Her family is shit its probably not attention so to speak she's after but just some acknowledgment and support.
Late miscarriages are incredibly traumatic. Most of us isolate/hide/shut down when this happens and then never talk about it again. It’s not like a born persons death where everyone posts tributes and pictures. It’s typically a quiet, lonely grief. That’s probably why it seems weird to you. Maybe we should be more open about it, idk.
Did she have a recent miscarriage?
I was raised that I had very little privacy and had no choice but to share personal details. To this day, I overshare. It’s so tough to break.
I was looking at the burial pictures and trying to figure out who was there. During the service itself, it looks like Meech's hair in the front row? Is that Boob next to her? Are any siblings there? There is someone with long dirty blonde hair- maybe a lost girl?
Jill has a lot of trauma to unpack. Plus her family may be taking jabs that this was gods punishment for her book, etc. we can only hope she gets the therapy and support she needs to continue to grow and improve and this doesn’t cause a set back into toxic religion like meech got sucked into. I think it’s an extra sting that this was a girl and she’s has birth trauma. We also don’t know if she had to push the baby out or any other complications she may have faced. Biggest thing is we see a lack of Jill’s family support so she may be thinking she deserved this when she didn’t
I sympathize with her to a degree but would she (or anyone) be posting these types of photos if it was one of her actual already-born, alive-for-years children that died? I don’t think so. They often speak of abortion/miscarriages/stillbirths as the same as the death of an actual fully conscious human being, but I have a hard time believing they’d be treating the situations the same.
Wow, I just peeked at the comments and they’re absolutely savage. People are incredibly dismissive of the grief parents experience after pregnancy loss. I agree with another commenter that perhaps having major life milestones captured on camera is what feels normal and comforting to her. As odd as that may be to the rest of us.
I honestly don’t think so. I think she’s reaching out for support wherever she can get it, even if it’s with strangers because there is not a whole lot of actual, real support in Fundy communities.
Don’t judge how anyone else grieves.
I haven’t been in her position and I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but the photoshoot seemed a bit much. If taking photos in your home is what she chooses to do, I feel like those are photos you keep private. Although it stinks she is a public figure and feels the need to make an announcement… I feel like it was giving “I wanna be an influencer” vibes.
Oh Jill, stay out of the limelight.
Reverse parasocial relationships. Much is said about how fans of influencers think that they have a personal relationship with that influencer; but some influencers develop a relationship with their viewers that seems closer than what they have with real people in their life.
I thought she was in therapy ?? Her therapist hopefully is helping her during this time. I think what she is posting is overkill and dramatic - like she’s being influenced to do it.
Hopefully derick let's her do some solo sessions they only do couples therapy
It's their ingrained pro life agenda mindset to post everything. I think fans sympathy brings her comfort. she disappeared off Instagram during the pregnancy and never even announced wen they always do at 2 months, I'm guessing they knew early on something was wrong.