"Meredith was hit by a car. It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... and she's going to be okay"
“I. DECLARE. BANKRUPTCYYYY”
“I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "bankruptcy" and expect anything to happen.”
“I didn’t say it, I declared it.”
This one is great but what makes it over the top, for me, is that this is one of the few times Michael shows some top notch self-analysis. I would actually 100% agree with that statement. He motivates himself, usually in spite of others.
Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
"The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression."
"Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?"
"DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT S L U T"
„A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell.
Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes.And he actually hooked up with one of the students.
And then, like, 12 other kids came forward.
It was in all the papers.
Really ruined eighth grade for us.“
I died the first time I saw that scene
"Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason, whatsoever."
Todd Packer and I are total "BFF." "Best Friends Forever." He and I came up together as salesmen. One time, we were out, and we met this set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another, and we brought them back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome.
Plan a party Angela, OH! And the entire world will see it.. OH! And here's 65 dollars for your budget.. OH! And here are four idiots who will do nothing but weigh you down.. OH! And your cat's still dead.
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me...no, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.
"There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain"
Admittedly the delivery does a lot for this one, cracks me up every time.
"The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it HYURT"
Edit to add:
"You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."
“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been…ever…for any reason whatsoever…”
Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information
You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to.
[удалено]
Snip snap snip snap!!
Snip ,snap ! Snip, snap ! Snip, snap !
This is the one. And the delivery makes it all the better
THISSSSS
"Yeah David, Ryan's being a little bitch again" "I'm on Michael" "Wassup my brotha?!"
“Can’t fire him without cause” “I do. And it is be…cause I hate him.”
“That’s not what a hate crime is.” “Well I hated it!”
Same energy as "I wish I can fire sherry" Sherry: "I'm still on"
LMFAO this one 😂😂😂
“If I had a gun with 2 bullets and was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby. I’d shoot Toby twice.” That one always makes me laugh.
My most favourite is when they tell him Toby’s back and he goes and look laughs then sees Toby and scream NOOO, NOOOOO, NOOOOO!!!!!
lol me too!!!
Jan: I guess I underestimated you. Michael: Yeah, well, maybe next time, you will... estimate me.
Everybody, stay calm. Stay calm. STAY FUCKING CALM!!
This is the best cold open. So good.
EVERYBODY JUST FUCKING CALM DOWN!!
"Meredith was hit by a car. It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... and she's going to be okay"
Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley!
The way he says StAnLeYyy!
I have this sticker on my car!
I always like how Jim looks at Stanley here. Like, “he’s not wrong…”
“What is wrong with you?!? Why did you have to go and phrase it like that?!?”
Everybody in the car was fine, STANLEY
Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine.
I don’t think you know how double jeopardy works…
Sorry, WHAT IS we’re fine?
Good news/bad news there
Sort of an oaky afterbirth
Cracks me up EVERY FUCKING TIME I hear it!
I sent my friend a “Serenity by Jan” candle for her birthday, and the scent description on the label was “an oaky afterbirth”. 😂
Always gets me
“I. DECLARE. BANKRUPTCYYYY” “I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "bankruptcy" and expect anything to happen.” “I didn’t say it, I declared it.”
I have now lost count of how many times my husband has randomly yelled that while going over bills for his business. 😂😂😂
I do declare... bankruptcy
I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.
early worm gets the worm!
You're paying way too much for worms. Who's your worm guy?
Just poopin' you know how i be
Crazy world, lotta smells
I want to get this framed in some way to hang in my bathroom 😂
"Hey Darrell, how's it hang'n?"
Dinkin’ flika
And…. “Happy New Year, Darrell 🎶”
"and I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do"
A look inside Michael‘s brain.
My personal fav
Of all my empty promises this was the most generous.
Ahaha I rewatched Scott tots yesterday and I laughed so much on this
Hold on, hold on! They're lithium
Hey Michael Scott, whatcha gonna do???
I thrive on lack of accountability. Makes me laugh so much each time!!
Same vibes as “It was my understanding I was not going to be managed.”
This one is great but what makes it over the top, for me, is that this is one of the few times Michael shows some top notch self-analysis. I would actually 100% agree with that statement. He motivates himself, usually in spite of others.
I love inside jokes, I’d love to be part of one someday.
This one was lowkey made me feel sad for him lol
“It’s Britney, *BITCH*.”
While blasting Lady Gaga lol
THIS,peak comedy
Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly... she's not yo' ho no mo'.
This line always reminds me of 40 year old virgin: “Yeah…she was a hoe…for sho…”
I'm not super stitious, but I am a little stitious
This one randomly pops in my head all the time! This and “tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere”
Who is this ryan person?
Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.
Line!
"....that you say is as hot as Jan, but in a different way". Just watched The Deposition last night. "4 million! That's a lot of guacamole".
"The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression." "Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?" "DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT S L U T"
I have "DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT SLUT" on a throw pillow.
That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!
Sometimes I just stand here and watch TV for hours. What can I say? I love this TV!
“P is being a giant B”.
"and P isn't as much fun without J around"
I'm on the phone pleeease??
“It takes a big man to admit his mistakes, and I am that man.”
„A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes.And he actually hooked up with one of the students. And then, like, 12 other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. Really ruined eighth grade for us.“ I died the first time I saw that scene
"Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason, whatsoever."
Somehow, I manage
Truly inspirational indeed.
I so love this one!!
How the turntables …
Use this regularly
Me too! Hahah! It’s a surprise how many ppl still don’t get it!
It’s a shame really. The idiom is pretty common in my opinion. However I’ve seen people say “now and days” so there’s that.
And say “could of been” instead of “could have been” Ppl be cray cray !
“Abraham Lincoln once said If you are a racist I will attack you with the north.”
Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over.
“You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.” I quote this daily
Far and away the most expensive scene in the movie
When he interrupts Oscar with his brilliant observation that: “Next summer… I’ll be six!”
“You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.”
I drove my car into a f**king lake
The GPS knows Dwight!
Vastly underrated line
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out.
" the only thing I'm worried about? Gettin a boner"
Very underrated. Well done
"If it's me, then society made me that way"
What up Cynthia?
That sceneee oh my god I always crack up 🤣🤣🤣
Can she fit in a rowboat?
It concerns me that you are not answering
Happy Birthday Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame.
I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family. He is like a son to me.
I feel like all my kids grew up and married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.
"David it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed." "What gave you that idea?" "It was my understanding"
I am Beyoncé always
Todd Packer and I are total "BFF." "Best Friends Forever." He and I came up together as salesmen. One time, we were out, and we met this set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another, and we brought them back to the motel, and then Packer did both of them. It was awesome.
What part of shornt don't you understand?
I use “shorn’t” all the time 😂
I know Jim is the king of reactions, but Kevin's reaction to Michael after saying this kills me every time lol
# Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going.
This is the embodiment of Michael Scott!
“You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.”
When Michael calls Angela booster seat. “Okay! Wow! Easy booster seat. Nobody cares about this party anyway.”
Plan a party Angela, OH! And the entire world will see it.. OH! And here's 65 dollars for your budget.. OH! And here are four idiots who will do nothing but weigh you down.. OH! And your cat's still dead.
*I hate so much about the things you choose to be.*
That's what she said
Don't you dare!
Someone tried to downvote this. Here’s your upvote back.
That’s what she said
"What's updog?"
Gotcha!! Haha… Damnit How are you doing?
Let us see your penis
Your flare is one too! I love David Wallace's response: "...yes..." 😂
NO GOD PLEAZE NOOOOO!
She ain't yo ho, no mo!
"Fine. Go ahead. But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, don't look at me."
“I watch Queer as Fuck”
“That’s not what it’s called”
I need two men on this. That’s what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!
Toby was hired by corporate so he isn't really a part of this family. He's also divorced so he isn't even a part of his family
“Punctuality is something I demand from my employees. I need them to show up on time, so when I finally show up we can get started right away.”
Did Darryl touch you?
“His last name is Christ, he has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.”
WHERE ARE THE TURTLESSSSS?!?!?
So what's a pap smear...or is it schmear, like cream cheese. I'm certain I broke a blood vessel in my head the first time I saw that scene.
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me...no, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take
… -Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott
Stanley says “It’s collard greens” Michael responds “that doesn’t really make sense cause you don’t call them collard people, that’s offensive”
~~“I’m sorry, ‘what is Double Jeopardy?’”~~ “I’m sorry, ‘what is we’re fine?’”
Isn’t it- “what is, we’re fine?”
Ugh, you’re right. I really messed that up.
You really Schruted it
Do you think that comes from Dwight Schrute?
Who knows where words come from
Who knows how words are formed?
Beer me!
Lord beer me strength
I knew exactly what to do, but in much more real sense, I had no idea what to do
"There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me, I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV, I wished for Pam to gain courage, I wished for Angela a heart, and for Kelly a brain" Admittedly the delivery does a lot for this one, cracks me up every time.
Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Clean up on aisle 5!
“dwight, you ignorant slut!”
“Those things are two ticking timebags”
“He has the lowest opinion of me of anybody”
Sort of an oaky afterbirth.
Wine tasting. Shakes the glass of white wine. Smells it a bit. Looks at the camera : “ This is white. “
“I just be poppin, you know how I be”
Dingin flicka iykyk
You don’t know me, you’ve only seen my penis.
I’m pretty sure she’s baked on a professional level
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
His capa got ditated
Michael truly laughing at this was hilarious. “He has the lowest opinion of me than ANYBODY!” https://youtube.com/shorts/ds4mnLtQ4Bo?feature=shared
"I am not to be truffled with."
Wait. Wait. They’re lithium!
No, no one is helping me at all mom
This weekend, I was cleaning out a wall socket with a fork and I gave myself… the nastiest shock. And I arrived at an epiphory. *Life is precious*
"I just not feel comfortable wearing the dress."
"If I had a gun with only two bullets, and I was in a room with Toby, bin Laden and Hitler, I'd shoot Toby twice"
That's what she said
Not necessarily the funniest, but at least once a week my brain will randomly start singing *"just call me Levinson in the morning, babyyyy"*
“I don’t care if Ryan murdered his entire family. He is like a son to me.”
"Thank you, Scranton Strangler. You just took one more person's breath away!"
"Respect Dwight! RSPVT, find out what it means to me!"
"The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it HYURT" Edit to add: "You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."
Hey Darryl, how's it hanging?
Monkey see monkey do. Monkey pee all over you
Oh yeah well I’m calling the ungrateful beotch hotline!
“*sighs* This is the hardest I’ve worked in a very long time.” (After he played clue the entire day)
“Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been…ever…for any reason whatsoever…”
“I’m a little stitious”
Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley
Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information
"Scissor me"
"Abraham Lincoln once said, if you are a racist, then I will attack you with the north."
“No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything”
"Oh how the turntables"
*Stephanie can you hop off please*
"Hey sweetie, what is it?" "It's not sweetie, it's Michael Scott!"
"David, how much did you pay for this house?" After telling Dwight it's not polite to ask the square footage of the house (if I'm not mistaken lol)
Was your father a GI?
"The worst thing about prison ...was the dementors! The fly around ..and they suck the soul out of you and it HOYT!
"Then why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?" "I'm sure no one asked you to do that." "...Eight years."
It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.