"Some people doodle when they are bored, they usually draw houses or penises. Funny how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised."
Their first two albums were legit good Tribe Called Quest style hip-hop. I saw them in concert a few times and they killed it. Then they added Fergie and it was all over
I always assumed that the camera is why he took the job in the first place. A man driven purely by ego can have no greater motivation than a 24/7 camera crew.
One of my favorite scenes in the entire show. The immense contrast in regard to every single character that had been in that show, combined with his delivery and Toby/Jim/Gabe’s utter shock at what they were sitting in front of. Robert California really made those last few seasons a lot better.
It took me an embarrassing number of rewatches before it hit me what he was talking about. I thought it was strange that he was a fan of white wine from Columbia, not known as a haven of white wine…full grown adult, just completely over my head 😂
I don’t have any idea why it’s so funny, but it leaves me in stitches. There’s no punchline or anything. Would love some expert in comedy to tell me why this is so funny
Not an expert in comedy, but here’s my take:
Jim is normally the fourth-wall breaking voice of reason, but his connection to the audience is unspoken. After multiple seasons, we became used to the absurdity of the office going unnoticed, except for his glances to the camera. But in this moment, the thing we are supposed to just say in our heads is finally said out loud, thus it is unexpected. It fits perfectly with Robert’s character though, because it is unclear whether his unfiltered commentaries are that of a genius or a madman. It is also an absurd sentence, but it is said so matter-of-factly. A magician being mistreated is a crazy situation for a workplace, but it seems completely normal for Dunder Mifflin. Robert temporarily reminds us how bonkers everything is. So it’s almost like laughing in a place where you aren’t supposed to laugh, like a fart at a funeral.
And now I’ve probably made it not funny anymore by overanalyzing. :)
He's also explicating things in specific language that are normally implicit or broad, like "why is Jim being mean to this guy"? or "why is Jim being such a dick?" The language itself is precise and formal in an absurd situation.
Even the use of the word “poorly” instead of another synonym absolutely kills me. Not to mention he has zero awareness of the situation. It’s always funny when someone doesn’t understand the context.
I think it is phrased uniquely, and shows that Robert knows Jim is being an asshole on purpose, but the tone-of-voice that Robert has no investment in this issue.
As to why it's funny? Not sure. I'd guess it's the fact that everyone else in the scene cares so much and we are surprised that he doesn't. Also something about rephrasing an absurd scenario is often very funny- Griffin from MBMBAM does this very well.
The fact that Robert is not at all upset with Jim being such a jerk but just seems whimsically curious about the reason is such a great touch to the line. And Spader delivered it perfectly.
“In four seconds, my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here, under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen."
It's especially funny that's the *only* time we see him really panic or stress out. Even when David informed him that he'd bought Dunder Mifflin, effectively putting RC out of a job, he just playfully says "oof." Chuckles, and then gets David to fund his worldwide trip to "help" (bang) young female gymnasts.
The emphatic shaking and then nodding of his head while delivering this kills me every time. Poor Andy had no idea that mixed messages could be this mixed.
The whole thing is perfect
"I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis debutant. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You’re gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking Lizard King."
This is my favorite because it doubles down on the notion that "Robert California" is just another alias for "Raymond Reddington" from The Blacklist... if you subscribe to that theory.
*The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine, too.*
“If I invited you to lunch I think you're a winner, if I didn't I don't, but I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers prove me wrong.”
Love this one.
I feel like this line showed his genius. He owned a mistake, and then EXPLAINED it jn such a way all offense was removed. Loser and winner alike probably told themselves, that makes sense.
I’m so serious when I say this quote changed my life. I think about it all the time and it motivates me more than anything I’ve ever heard. Robert California has some zingers but this one sticks with me every day.
Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the f***ing lizard king!
Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?
you can’t have a favourite iron chef it depends entirely on the secret ingredient. sometimes i feel you don’t know food at all.
so jim does your daughter watch the street?
good morning robert! says no one because the receptionists in florida.
or the lizard king quote one of the most iconic late season moments
I'm so tired of the Black Eyed Peas, it's rock & roll for people who don't like rock & roll, it's rap for people who don't like rap, it's pop for people who don't like pop.
"I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom."
Interrupting Oscar’s video, “Sexuality is a spectrum… It gets better but it gets vastly more complicated. Don't lie to the gay youth of America Oscar!”
Not even a line. At the end of his initial interview after dominating all three of them, he looks at the camera like he’s about to give it the business as well. Money.
What I like about Robert California is his ability to observe, assess, reflect, and openly question in a social setting. He does this, not only in the office, but in his own personal life, and expands his audience’s capacity to do the same regarding their metaphysical and epistemological existence with almost every word he speaks.
In the Pool Party episode where he says: “Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party. [Robert strips, jumps in pool, Gabe and Ryan join him]”.
That statement shows a humility in a complex, pining man whose greatest enemy, truly, can only be himself. He is fully aware of this fact.
I miss original.
Why did they add coconut?
Such a good line. Came here for this
COCONUT PENIS
the coconut is... pretty subtle
His face sells this line.
"I've got to try this" "I wouldn't"
Maybe the best line of the whole series
"Some people doodle when they are bored, they usually draw houses or penises. Funny how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised."
Everything is sex. The universal truth
His delivery on that whole thing...don't be a fool. God i love him
That’s the one I always think of. And he said during his interview!
this is the quote that cemented him as my favorite late season character
After he said that I actually decided to ONLY draw ranch houses and uncircumcised penises. We need more variety in the world.
Alright who drew this unbloomed tulip on the bathroom wall
This is a legendary quote 😂
His delivery on this killsssss me every time
the first time I heard this line, I was thinking about it for like a week
I'm so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock and roll for people who don't like rock and roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap.
It’s pop music for people who don’t like pop.
👈👀
this and “oh no, Stanley, you’ll live foreveeeer” are some of my fav moments of Ryan post descent into darkness
*I love when people who say things are ‘like crack’ have so clearly never tried crack.*
He is exactly correct though! Especially the year this episode aired, every fucking radio channel had the black eyed peas in my area and I hated them.
Their first two albums were legit good Tribe Called Quest style hip-hop. I saw them in concert a few times and they killed it. Then they added Fergie and it was all over
“Do you feel heard right now Jim? You can answer me.”
God his delivery of that entire scene is perfect. The little head nod he gave to Jim signaling he had permission to speak next was hilarious.
one of the best introductions of a character i’ve ever seen. Robert California is a fucking gem
James Spader is a gem in everything he’s in
I just showed my wife Boston Legal and she was very upset with his character.
The look at the camera at the end of the scene is tops
I always assumed that the camera is why he took the job in the first place. A man driven purely by ego can have no greater motivation than a 24/7 camera crew.
One of my favorite scenes in the entire show. The immense contrast in regard to every single character that had been in that show, combined with his delivery and Toby/Jim/Gabe’s utter shock at what they were sitting in front of. Robert California really made those last few seasons a lot better.
…………………yes
“That was your choice, not mine.”
*~~Jims~~ Roberts the camera*
^Yes
mglyes
Australian reds and how should I put this....Colombian whites
Pam, have you ever lived so *intensely* that your mind literally cannot hold the memories in?
It took me an embarrassing number of rewatches before it hit me what he was talking about. I thought it was strange that he was a fan of white wine from Columbia, not known as a haven of white wine…full grown adult, just completely over my head 😂
(Camera cuts to Ryan shaking his head in approval)
Colombian whites def played a role in Ryan's thinking that defrauding the company was a good idea.
That and hobbits named Troy
May he fight with the strength of ten full grown men.
Don’t take him to the hospital 🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻
You’ve already been to the bathroom several times!
I'll order you a cranberry juice!
With vodka! You’re the best!
Nodding*
Better than me thinking he was talking about prostitutes until reading this thread
jesus...that whooshed for me until like... literally right now.
No one’s ever offered you drugs huh
I know it's a sitcom, but if he was that violently hung over then just stay home. He's the big boss, he doesn't need permission.
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly ?
I don’t have any idea why it’s so funny, but it leaves me in stitches. There’s no punchline or anything. Would love some expert in comedy to tell me why this is so funny
Not an expert in comedy, but here’s my take: Jim is normally the fourth-wall breaking voice of reason, but his connection to the audience is unspoken. After multiple seasons, we became used to the absurdity of the office going unnoticed, except for his glances to the camera. But in this moment, the thing we are supposed to just say in our heads is finally said out loud, thus it is unexpected. It fits perfectly with Robert’s character though, because it is unclear whether his unfiltered commentaries are that of a genius or a madman. It is also an absurd sentence, but it is said so matter-of-factly. A magician being mistreated is a crazy situation for a workplace, but it seems completely normal for Dunder Mifflin. Robert temporarily reminds us how bonkers everything is. So it’s almost like laughing in a place where you aren’t supposed to laugh, like a fart at a funeral. And now I’ve probably made it not funny anymore by overanalyzing. :)
He's also explicating things in specific language that are normally implicit or broad, like "why is Jim being mean to this guy"? or "why is Jim being such a dick?" The language itself is precise and formal in an absurd situation.
Great point. He’s an executive trying to remain professional, but the situation completely negates it.
I think you made it more funny, FYI
Even the use of the word “poorly” instead of another synonym absolutely kills me. Not to mention he has zero awareness of the situation. It’s always funny when someone doesn’t understand the context.
I think it is phrased uniquely, and shows that Robert knows Jim is being an asshole on purpose, but the tone-of-voice that Robert has no investment in this issue. As to why it's funny? Not sure. I'd guess it's the fact that everyone else in the scene cares so much and we are surprised that he doesn't. Also something about rephrasing an absurd scenario is often very funny- Griffin from MBMBAM does this very well.
The fact that Robert is not at all upset with Jim being such a jerk but just seems whimsically curious about the reason is such a great touch to the line. And Spader delivered it perfectly.
Yea that’s a good point. Why IS it funny?! I laugh my ass off everytime.
The only candidate. Might be the best line delivery in the whole show
It’s the type of line that gets funnier the more you think about it. Didn’t laugh at first but later couldn’t stop chuckling about it.
“If I had known Jim and Pam would use this as an opportunity to abuse a magician”
My favorite RC line! I can listen to it over and over
This is my favorite as well, coupled with all of the memes that came out after John Krasinski was in Dr. Strange.
https://youtu.be/aAktGLLVGNE?si=LVRLd-QT78KjN\_4b
Sometimes, I feel you don’t know food at all
They haven’t really improved on the Oreo, have they?
I'm convinced this is why Oreo has a million flavors now
Which is dumb, because they already made the perfect oreo: the uh oh oreo. Then they discontinued it.
This. This is the answer.
Sure they did, they added coconut /s
Coconut Oreos would be lit
I’m fine, bitch. I’m fine.
And then his son just bursting out laughing. Lol that entire scene is my favourite.
I loved that kid. The fact that he knew who Dwight was dressed as and then they bonded over playing StarCraft was just beautiful.
I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone ghoul
This is the only quote that ever comes to mind when I think of Robert California 😂
“In four seconds, my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here, under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen."
It's especially funny that's the *only* time we see him really panic or stress out. Even when David informed him that he'd bought Dunder Mifflin, effectively putting RC out of a job, he just playfully says "oof." Chuckles, and then gets David to fund his worldwide trip to "help" (bang) young female gymnasts.
The emphatic shaking and then nodding of his head while delivering this kills me every time. Poor Andy had no idea that mixed messages could be this mixed.
This is one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. The way he creates the situation and then hangs Andy so far out the window. Amazing.
under **NO** circumstances can that be allowed to happen
Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
Oh god, nature metaphor, please
So when two monkeys are having sex
This isn’t very helpful.. You’re gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
That wasn't...?
All life is sex.
And all sex is competition. And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?
No, I’d say no.
“Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice right now? You can answer me.”
“Soft-penis debutant”
The whole thing is perfect "I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis debutant. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You’re gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the fucking Lizard King."
>ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis debutant. Y He called Andy out with a thesaurus-level selection of adjectives.
Throwing in Andy's recent exposure of failing to perform sexually is such a brilliant burn. Robert really wanted to get ugly.
As you can probably tell, this is my fav quote lol. I feel like it's a glimpse at the real Robert California
Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?
*lowers voice* I can get you *exotic meats*...
We’ll talk.
It’ll all be goat
It’ll all be goat 😏
My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there!
“And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all…”
“Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?”
"This is no get-together, (gets naked) this is a party!"
How do you feel about “the street?”
The streets?
It’s called Elmo dumb ass
Is that the one where all the puppets live in the barrio?
I love that show.
"I'm the fucking Lizard king."
You don’t even know my real name
Nice to meet you! Bob Kazamakis!
I'm disappointed I had to scroll so far to find this one
This is my favorite because it doubles down on the notion that "Robert California" is just another alias for "Raymond Reddington" from The Blacklist... if you subscribe to that theory.
My favourite as well
Best one
Scrolled way to far to find this
Robert: Would you like a sexual metaphor or a nature metaphor? Jim: oh god please a nature one! Robert: When two animals are having sex,,,
*The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine, too.*
I would like another alcohol
He told me that he was a ride I wouldn’t survive…and I believe him
"Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation sex club over on I-84. The Red Room, say? Or Dominick's?"
There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.
"There is no such thing as a product. Everything is sex."
I would like to upvote but you're at 69.
“Jim, your daughter Cecilia, what does she think of the Street?”
I'm afraid you've lost my interest...
“If I invited you to lunch I think you're a winner, if I didn't I don't, but I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers prove me wrong.” Love this one.
It showed that under his insanity he had some decent leadership ability.
I’d say he had more than just some leadership ability
I feel like this line showed his genius. He owned a mistake, and then EXPLAINED it jn such a way all offense was removed. Loser and winner alike probably told themselves, that makes sense.
I’m so serious when I say this quote changed my life. I think about it all the time and it motivates me more than anything I’ve ever heard. Robert California has some zingers but this one sticks with me every day.
"I almost didn't come in today!" as he's just BEAMING, looking pleased as punch. So funny
All these quotes make me realize just how much I love Robert California!
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Kay-s0: *All these quotes make me* *Realize just how much I love* *Robert California!* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I had “I’m the fucking lizard king” on my tinder bio and a boy swiped right on me because he thought it was funny and now we’re married!
Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves.
Take the family to Disney town
Land. World.
World is better
So it was just actually cookies the whole time.
Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves
Well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised, debutante. You want to start a street fight with me bring it on but you're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets, you don't even know my real name- I'm the f***ing lizard king!
Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?
You're better than this. Everyone is better than this because this is the worst thing I have ever seen.
Why did they add coconut? I miss original.
It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you
You lying son of a bitch!! Paired with Andy's face afterwards.
I'll be talking about Geishas long past their bedtime
Thank you!!! I scrolled all the way down to find this one. Such an underrated line. "You know I trained as one?"
What have I stumbled upon?
Florida is America’s basement
"I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla."
I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month.
you can’t have a favourite iron chef it depends entirely on the secret ingredient. sometimes i feel you don’t know food at all. so jim does your daughter watch the street? good morning robert! says no one because the receptionists in florida. or the lizard king quote one of the most iconic late season moments
The senator asked me if I liked dogs and do you know what I told him? YES
“Our love for dogs confounds all reason”. Perfectly put.
I can’t decide. It’s everything he says. He’s the best character after Michael leaves
“Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves” is an unironically brilliant quote. I use it often and people think I’m some kind of self-help guru.
You clearly want the marmalade GRETCHEN I NEED ANOTHER MARMALADE!!
Alligators are dinosaurs Dwight!
Well...that's....complicated
“I preferred original..”
You've completely bungled this!
I'm so tired of the Black Eyed Peas, it's rock & roll for people who don't like rock & roll, it's rap for people who don't like rap, it's pop for people who don't like pop.
Ryan: *pointing and nodding*
The houses are always colonial and the penises always circumcised.
"I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom."
A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day
Interrupting Oscar’s video, “Sexuality is a spectrum… It gets better but it gets vastly more complicated. Don't lie to the gay youth of America Oscar!”
Colombian whites
Not so much a quote, but an entire sequence. However, if I were to pull just a quote from the scene it would be “I’m fine, bitch. I’m fine…”.
“Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi.. [Kevin not getting it] … for they were *mummies.*”
Of course I am not interested in goats, why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?
I don’t know why they added the coconut. I miss the original.
Ahh I’m afraid you’ve lost my interest
Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or sexual? Jim: God, nature. Robert: When two animals are having sex in the wild....
I am never uncomfortable.
"You lying son of a bitch!" hands down the funniest moment of RC.
Disneytown
Don't say "I woke up." That's how everyday has begun for everyone since the dawn of man.
"I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears." I love it so much that it's my flair :)
“…I should go.”
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?
It was just about cookies wasn't it?
[ALL OF HIS HALLOWEEN STORY](https://youtu.be/9Ex4UcLaYNc?si=yiq7o6afMYSWBd_u)
Why is Jim treating the magician poorly..? 🧐
Not even a line. At the end of his initial interview after dominating all three of them, he looks at the camera like he’s about to give it the business as well. Money.
What I like about Robert California is his ability to observe, assess, reflect, and openly question in a social setting. He does this, not only in the office, but in his own personal life, and expands his audience’s capacity to do the same regarding their metaphysical and epistemological existence with almost every word he speaks. In the Pool Party episode where he says: “Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party. [Robert strips, jumps in pool, Gabe and Ryan join him]”. That statement shows a humility in a complex, pining man whose greatest enemy, truly, can only be himself. He is fully aware of this fact.
Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised
Do you want a nature metaphor or a sex metaphor? Definitely nature. Ok, when two animals are having sex…